Monday, May 30, 2022

So Sweet... So Perverse, French Giallo

Beautiful Euro-Babes behaving badly.  Murder will ensue and not all the sultry Euro-Babes will survive. Not all will be guiltless, either.  There will be so much nudity, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, and some lesbian love...Euro-Trash at its best.  Murder too! Who murders who and who falls is a big question that won't be answered until the end credits.  Today we look at "So Sweet... So Perverse," directed by Umberto Lenzi.

Wealthy Euro-Hunk Jean (Jean-Louis Trintignant) is in an unloving marriage to the ravishing Danielle (Erika Blanc). As the movie begins he is having extra-marital sex with Euro-babe Helene (Helga Line). Danielle knows and she hates him.  Then Jean spies Nicole (Carroll Baker) move into the flat upstairs from he and Danielle. From below he hears her beat up and tortured by her boyfriend Klaus (Horst Frank). He rushes up to save her and chases the fiend away. Now a torrid love affair begins between Jean and Nicole...which Danielle hears much of the hanky-panky in the downstairs flat. Uh oh...Nicole has a confession to make, and it is quite a game changer.

Nothing Nicole can tell Jean will disperse his infatuation with her.  Plots are revealed and murder seems imminent. Jean presses the issue and invites Nicole to a party in his flat so she can meet Danielle.  The party is an erotic one with sex games and naughtiness. Danielle is humiliated and cries as Jean tells her he wants a divorce. Double uh-oh...Klaus isn't going away and may desire to murder Jean.  Who else would want to murder Jean? Sex, of every kind  (okay, not EVERY kind) follow and nudity and violence will fill up much of the film. Then murder...but who and by who? The dreaded twist will again change the complexion of this Giallo film.

Just who loves who and who gets all nude and sweaty with who in this Euro-Trash production? Could the beautiful blonde Nicole be up to something more than stealing Danielle's husband?  Who is Klaus and what is he capable of?  I won't even ask who gets murdered as Umberto Lenzi has some fun with this story.  For a deviant Euro-Trash film with naked Euro-Babes and deviant sex (pre-marital and extra-marital) see "So Sweet... So Perverse."

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Reality Check, Babes and Hunks Shredded, Really!

I guess it has been about 25 years since the plethora of reality shows has hit television.  Are we better for this?  Nah!  However, this trend has given way to some nice horror films.  Today's film, 2002's "Reality Check," directed by Rafal Zielinski (no, not the Ukranian idiot), boasts a great looking cast.  The women are babes, the guys are hunks, and we'll love seeing them get murdered...kind of like the casts of real reality shows. 

The premise of this reality show.  Not sure, exactly.  Seven contestants are brought to an out of the way mansion where a massacre took place a few years before.  To do what?  Survive, I guess.  Even before anyone is voted off...the murders begin.  First, we are introduced to some wonderful characters.  Mei-Ling (Kym Hoy) is adept at the Karma in weird positions.  Charlotte (Bourtney Peldon) is either a virgin or a, excuse me, exotic dancer.  Gar (Nate Dushku) is a weird Goth. Swope (Khalil Kane) is a hunk determined to have lots of pre-marital sex.  Isabel (Vanessa Cambpell) is a sultry blonde psychotic.  Serendipity (Natalie Cigliuti) is a ravishing realist who will stop at nothing to win.  Oh yes!  Crash (Timothy Lee DePriest) is a lunatic rapper.  When they begin is such a beautiful thing.

There will be a lot of kills in mysterious fashion.  Of course, the cell phones will not work in this mansion.  Creepy caretaker (Morgan Langley) loves spying on the dames as they undress.  Brock (Sticky Fingaz), the director/producer, films it all.  Then the camera gals are brutally murdered by a caped figure.  Then one by one...the cast gets it.  Stun guns and syringes are used by the maniac...but why?  Yes, Mei-Ling will do the Karma Sutra with another guest and lip lock with one of the other female characters.  The beautiful and handsome will die so horribly.  Everyone is a suspect.  Pick your favorite...mine was Kym Hoy as Mei-Ling...clad in leather pants and willing to do pre-marital sex with everyone.  What do you think her chances of survival are?

Who is killing off the deviant cross-culture sample of American society?  Is it a bad thing that we cheer on these brutal murders?  Who, or will, there be a final girl or hunk?  Erotic, steamy, vicious, and very deviant...see "Reality Check" and find out why your faith in the American experiment has waned over the last 25 years.    

Friday, May 27, 2022

Halloween Girl, Volumes 1 and 2, Graphic Novel Review

Yep...horror!  Icky monsters, like giant spiders for example.  Ominous adventures leading into horrific lairs and ghostly settings.  But Richard T. Wilson has given us something much more...and fans of this blog are going to grab onto it and not let go.  Mr. Wilson's "Halloween Girl" comic book series intends to fill seven volumes.  We will look at the first two volumes today.  By the way...Mr. Wilson has created a sultry teen heroine, the amber haired Charlotte.  She's nubile, perky, quite a dish, and her spunk may be just what she needs to defeat monsters and an eerie enemy seeking to capture her soul.

Artist Stephen Mullan gives us Mr. Wilson's creation...the sultry Charlotte.  We first meet Charlotte, a ghost, sadly, in Volume 1 ("Promises to Keep").  She resides in a cemetery and instantly we see she is in awful danger from some force seeking to...well, whatever they want to do to her, it'll be so evil.  The beauty finds a jack-o-lantern filled with a monster spider and the adventure is on.  Next we see the benevolent sort of gal (or ghost) Charlotte is.  Her goodness, beauty, and desire to help the underdog will put her in danger of being picked apart and eaten. 

Volume 2 ("Charlotte's Web") gets creepier. Now Charlotte will be lured into deadly traps as her nemesis, known as "The Hollow," uses her vulnerabilities to exploit her.  Pulled into a monstrous lair, and forced to wander the labyrinth inside, Charlotte is pursued by giant spider creatures that seek to eat her...and worse...well, you'll see.  Mr. Wilson brings his heroine into terrifying danger as creatures converge to ravage and so completely destroy her.  Thank you to Mr. Mullan for his artwork in which the images of the nubile beauty in mortal danger fill our minds with allure and horror.  Horrific and fast-paced, a Young Adult audience will love the story.  I dare say, Charlotte may even bring some adolescents through puberty.  Never fear, Charlotte is one of the good guys...and the monsters are pertinent metaphors for many pitfalls our youngsters are in danger of falling into.

Richard T. Wilson's creation, enhanced by Stephen Mullan's artwork, have given us the most sultry horror heroine of the 21st century.  The story will appeal to Young Adult audiences and fans of hardcore inspiration and good morals to each audience.  Charlotte's beauty, naivete, and spunk exude in every frame even when it appears the evil and monsters are ready to devour her.  Do yourself a favor and start reading the "Halloween Girl" comics.     

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Ring Around the Rosie, Gina Philips and Tom Sizemore Frolic

Okay...sure...a flawed thriller.  Still, Gina Philips is a babe and Tom Sizemore is...well, awkward!  Whatever flaw this movie has, we still get to see Gina Philips as a nubile babe in much distress.  The modern day scream queen that Ms. Philips is, she absolutely will not let any of us down.  This brings us to 2006's "Ring Around the Rosie," directed by Rubi Zack.

Karen (Philips) is a successful publisher in the big city.  Her grandmother dies and leaves Karen the summer home.  Karen spent all her summers there and loved it, we think, up to the age of 13.  Her task is to go claim the house and get it ready for sale.  She and her boyfriend Jeff (Randall Batinkoff) will drive there together.  They'll have lots of pre-marital sex and we'll see Karen in some nice lingerie.  Usually the intimacy is interrupted by ghostly visions that sees Karen pulling away from Jeff.  After a few nights of some nice intimacy, Jeff must return to the big city...useless!!!  Uh oh...Karen meets Pierce (Sizemore), the estate's caretaker.  He tends the horses and looks creepy.  Something draws Karen to the weird Pierce and he seems like he wants to screw Karen's brains out.

Every night Karen wakes in cold sweat after nightmares and ghostly memories.  Something happened in a closet down the hall and that seems key to what causes Karen angst.  Good news!  Karen's hot sister Wendy (Jenny Mollen) shows up to help.  Wendy thinks Pierce is sort of cute and leads him on.  Now Pierce gets more aggressive and drools more.  As Wendy and Karen catch up on old times, Pierce gets more aroused by the two nubile babes.  Now the nightmares/visions increase and we begin to see what is going on here.  As Pierce's libido explodes, the two sisters will find themselves trapped in this wilderness house by a maniacal pervert.

What is really going on here between Karen and Pierce?  Will Karen and Wendy engage in an erotic and sweaty catfight?  Are the secrets of what happened in the closet down the wall related to Pierce's creepiness?  An experienced horror fan will see what is going on here, but Gina Philips and Tom Sizemore shine in the allure and creepy departments.  Oh yes, Wendy is a real dish and you guys will love her.  See "Ring Around the Rosie" for some weird psychological thrills and creepy allure. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Shiver, Danielle Harris vs Pervert Serial Killer

There is something about Danielle Harris.  The sweet and nubile final girl just draws us in and seduces us.  So when a brutish pervert wants to cut her head off and soil her corpse...well, perhaps we take it personally.  The scream queen icon always pleases and in today's feature we pull for her to survive, even though all the other babes in this film will lose their pretty heads.  Today we look at 2012's "Shiver," directed by Julian Richards.

So sad...Franklin Rood (John Jarratt) is a serial killer who has it in for sultry dames.  By the time he gets to Wendy's (Harris) neighborhood he has already abducted, humiliated, mutilated, murdered, and raped the corpses of several babes.  After he does this to a beautiful stewardess (Lisa Foiles) he turns his attention to Wendy.  The cops (Casper Van Dien and Rae Dawn Chong) are useless and incompetent.  We will not mention them further.  Now Rood makes his move for our favorite scream queen.  Uh oh for Rood...Wendy is different.  He sees her as pure and the real deal and hesitates just a moment before decapitating her.  This is, of course, Danielle Harris, and she takes advantage of the hesitation, stabs the monster, and flees.

Now the hunt is on.  Rood wants her back.  He'll murder her boyfriend and a lot of cops on the way to her.  Ultimately, the pervert will catch up to her.  Even worse for Wendy...he wants her to be his wife and lover.  You will see the most awkward rape scene in film history as Wendy is tied to a bed in an abandoned barn.  Now Wendy must really put on her seduction and survival instincts to survive and escape again.  Oh yeah...Wendy has companions in her twisted prison...the heads of Rood's beautiful victims are on display in jars.  This Rood guy has staying power and law enforcement and the justice system will all fail in their bid to end his wrath.

Will Rood succeed and torture Wendy into being his bride/love slave?  Will Wendy further turn the tables on this fiend and inflict her own wrath on him?  The beautiful will die so horribly in this one and we plead with the screen that Wendy will not also fall.  For a gory, brutal, and prurient good time, see "Shiver."

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Blood Vessel, Vampires, Nazis, and a Ghost Ship

1980's "Death Ship" is one of my favorite movies. The George Kennedy film had a haunted derelict Nazi ship picking up an innocent bunch of survivors from a shipwreck.  Today, we have a look at an almost identical plot in 2019's "Blood Vessel," directed by Justin Dix.  This World War 2 film also has a derelict Nazi ship...this time infested by vampires, picking up survivors from an allied sunken ship.  Dark, and not the feel good film of 2019, it is a vampire film set on the high seas...which merit it a look.

A motley crew of allied survivors are adrift in a life raft after a U-Boat sinks their vessel.  Starving, the castaways believe they catch a break when a Nazi freighter comes by.  After their captain is shredded by the freighter's propeller, the others manage to climb aboard.  Interesting survivors...the babe nurse Jane (Alyssa Sutherland), the Aussie Nathan (Nathan Phillips), the English Intel guy/traitor Faraday (John Llotd Fillingham), and the Russian Alexander (Alex Cooke...I guess cultural appropriation is no great sin if it concerns Russia).  Soon our surviving allies figure out the vessel seems deserted.  Then they find the charred, rat bitten, maggot infested corpses of the crew.  Now our survivors figure they may not be as lucky as first theorized.

Then the vampires arrive.  First a little girl vampire takes an unhealthy liking to Jane.  Then it is discovered this Nazi crew looted artwork, relics, and coffins from central Europe.  Wouldn't you know it... vampires are in the coffins.  Soon the allies figure out what is going on and a war erupts...beyond World War 2.  The awkward group must now trust one another and work together as the toothy menaces do not die easy.  The creepy derelict ship is spooky enough and the vampires aren't the attractive ("Underworld") variety.  As the kid vampire continues to hunt and torment Jane, the guy survivors tangle with the full grown vampires.

Will Jane survive the wrath of the toothy little girl?  Will the Australian, Russian, and English traitor put their cultural differences aside and realize diversity is their greatest strength (NATO is trying to do this now, w/o much success)?  Creepy and horrific..."Blood Vessel" is a dark horror film which adds new meaning to the phrase "horrors of war."        

Friday, May 20, 2022

Dead Mary, Possession and the Annihilation of Babes and Hunks

Dominique Swain!  I don't know why she doesn't show up on most people's "favorite actress" lists.  She's on mine.  Her name alone will draw me to a film.  So will bikinis and catfights, which Ms. Swain will wear and partake in in today's film.  Pick-axes, garden tools, other blades, fire, that I think about beartraps...will all be part of some really nice carnage.  Sure, we'll plead with the silver screen to leave our Ms. Swain unmarred...but this will be a vicious one.  Today we look at 2007's "Dead Mary," directed by Robert Wilson.

Babe Kim (Swain) and hunk Matt (Jefferson Browning) are on the outs after they decided to have an "open" relationship.  Surprise, it did not make theirs stronger.  Now both bicker all the way to a weekend at a secluded wooded cabin with their babe and hunk friends.  Also there is is babe Amber (Reagan Pasternak) and her hunk Dash (Michael Majeski)...they're married and Amber believes happily.  Then there is Eve (Marie Josee), a sultry looking babe who is there w/o a beau.  Then the intellectual looking Baker (Steven McCarthy)...he has a beard, and his new squeeze, Lily (Maggie Castle). Lily is uncomfortable around all the friends as she is a newbie to the group.  Oh, yeah!  Everyone here has secretly slept with everyone else's partner...of course, these won't stay secrets.

Kim and the gals will frolic in bikinis and look bored while the guys will drink and smoke marijuana.  Then as Kim and Matt continue to bicker...and Amber looks really needy, and Lily and Eve mysteriously disappear in the woods, the plot thickens.  Now the fools play Dead know, recite her name three times...etc!  Well, they do this and the possession begins.  One at a time the hunks and babes turn into demons and the only way to get rid of them is to chop them up and burn them.  The demons reveal more intimate secrets about the babes and hunks driving the not-possessed farther apart and into more paranoia.  Now Kim will get into a nice catfight and no one is really sure who the next demon will be.  With disembowelment and burning ruling the second half of the film, the horror and relationship drama get more intense.

Is the demon possession a good metaphor for the typical relationship angst faced by many young 20-somethings, today?  Are any of the sultry babes in this film adept enough to take on Dominique Swain in a good catfight?  Do we need anything else in a film other than Ms. Swain frolicking in a bikini and engaging in catfights?  This is a good one with a fine looking cast.  Pick your favorite hunk and babe and just maybe they won't be disfigured and cut up before the end credits.  For a prurient and gory good time, see "Dead Mary."   

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

And Then YOU Die!, Our Future is Here

1993's "Falling Down" is an over-rated piece of garbage. The bore-a-thon was billed as a common man's anthem that turned on its intended audience. The A-List cast mailed in their performances and a great idea became mindless drivel. The film was promised to be a classic, yet by one was talking about this Michael Douglas film. Hence, 2013's "And Then YOU Die!" On the surface, a similar plot than the aforementioned film, but perhaps a different message. With no A-List, pampered actors, and a micro-budget, this film will not receive any praise.

Sam (Chuck Smith), a dumpy loser, is having a bad day. The used car salesman sleeps late, runs out of gas, is fired, and humiliated by people in his life who he seeks help from. Left on the side of the road, a bunch of 20-something campers mock him. The cops show up and treat him like a criminal. The tow-truck driver is incredibly rude and taunting, and his boss is hardly understanding. Worse yet, he tries to call his wife Tessa (Ellie Church) and his best friend Brad (Christopher Hunt). Neither answer as they are having passionate sex, together. He gets home, catches his wife and friend in the act, tries to kill them, but Brad gets the best of him and conks him out. Brad believes he has killed Sam. Not so.

Now Brad and Tessa dump his corpse in the woods...then Sam wakes. Now a homicidal mad man, he will begin a trek to find all the folks who humiliated and disrespected him earlier in the day. He'll find a machete, woodchipper, handyman tools, tire irons, gas grills, etc. The killing spree will be bloody and at times heartbreaking. No one will be spared his wrath, including a young pregnant woman.  As the blood splatters, and body parts fly, Sam is slowly working his way back to his home where Brad and Tessa are unsuspecting that he is still breathing. Sam indeed intends to save the best for last.

Bloody, and more vicious than the Michael Douglas film, Sam's tirade is seen as justified and maybe a lot of us may be cheering for him. Will Sam get back some of his humanity before arriving home where his best friend and wife are? Is anyone in this film innocent? If this film had an A-List cast and CGI, would we be yapping about it as a neo-classic? Some will find this film without any merit or semblance of taste. Interestingly, those same folks extoll the idiotic DC and Marvel pieces of trash. Not for everyone, but if you are in the mood...see "And Then YOU Die!"  This film is directed by Daniel Murphy and Brian Gaillard.

Monday, May 16, 2022

Lake Fear, A Bloody Horror Musical

Musical?  Okay, maybe not...but at times it feels like one.  Our feature today is a bloody horror film in the style of "The Evil Dead," complete with a deserted cabin in the woods and four nubile babes who will be under much distress.  The nubile babes, which carry this film, were cast because of their proclivity to give the camera some nice T&A shots while clad in tight tops and short shorts.  Is this what we want to carry our horror films?  Yep.  Let us examine 2014's "Lake Fear," directed by Michael Crum.

We are introduced to our babes early on.  First Tina (Jessica Willis).  She won a weekend at the aforementioned cabin in the woods...on some internet contest.  She has a Mustang and picks up Kathy (Taylor LeeAnn Graham), the maybe clean cut (okay, not so clean cut) Jordan (Shannon Snedden) and and the weird (wears cat ears) Stephanie (Jori Gill).  Deep into the woods they go and reach the cabin.  The horror begins right slow burn here.  Demons emerge...let's see...there is a pig demon, a reptile demon, and an eyeless demon...and many more.  The gals are horrified and jump around as the camera catches many shots of their posteriors and chests as they do. 

Soon the demons begin claiming the nubiles.  One by one, the pretty fall to beings from Hell and become possessed vessels of theirs.  Now covered with blood and still running, the gals still look appealing...and also seemed quite doomed.  Gory injuries, one in particular with a circular saw, beset them.  The beauties turn from nubile babes jiggling around to hunted damsels soaked in blood.  The demons seem to smell blood and now the gals are also running from each other, as they become possessed one by one...a lot like in "The Evil Dead."  This won't end well for the quartet...but as far as tormented beings...they are not alone in this cabin.

Will any of our nubile protagonists survive the demons, circular saws, or each other and make it to the end credits?  Will we see blood-soaked catfights between the possessed and not-yet-possessed?  Just who else is being tormented in this cabin?  Gratuitous and weird, "Lake Fear" is a high-energy jaunt into possession and prurient voyeurism. 

Saturday, May 14, 2022

A Crack in the Floor, Babes and Hunks Ripped Apart

Fine!  So our film today is...shall we say...flawed.  Like James Cameron's "Titanic" isn't!  So it stars that annoying guy from "Saved by the Bell"  I understand your hesitation to put it on.  Still...the babe factor is off the charts and a lot of kills will grace your viewing experience.  Oh!  Did I mention Gary Busey?  Classic.  So, his role in this film has nothing to do with the plot...still, it will stay with you for the rest of your'll see.  Our film today is 2001's "A Crack in the Floor" directed by Sean Stanek and Corbin Timbrook. 

33 years ago, in a secluded cabin deep in the woods, babe (Tracy Scoggins) raises her son.  The babe mom is determined to keep her son from the evil society just beyond those woods.  Uh oh...two brutes come a long and brutally rape and murder Tracy Scoggins in front of her son.  Now, 33 years later, Jeremiah (Roger Hewlett) is a hulking slasher living in the same cabin.  As the film continues, he'll murder a babe (Madeleine Wade) and a hunk (Con Schell) while they have pre-marital sex in the cabin.  Now we meet our six hunk/babe team.  Lehman (Mario Lopez) is dating the exotic dancer who works with autistic kids, Heidi (Daisy McCrackin).  Heidi is beautiful and annoying and we long for her twisted demise.

The two other pairs include some really likable stoners (Francesca Orsi and Jason Oliver), and the pregnant babe Kate (Justine Priestley) and her beau Johnny (Bentley Mitchum).  The crew goes on a hike but not before stopping at a redneck gas station and being accosted by a creepy gas station attendant (Rance Howard).  At this station they meet Tyler (Busey), the chicken murderer.  However irrelevant to the plot, this is a scene that will stick with you for the rest of your life.  The six babes and hunks begin their hike and find Jeremiah's cabin.  The unfortunates decide to camp there overnight...mistake.  Now Jeremiah goes on a homicidal rage utilizing knives, beartraps, and his own hands.  The beautiful will die horribly and so will their boyfriends...but will any survive?

I forgot to mention Bo Hopkins as a lousy sheriff...but he's in this, too.  Will Jeremiah decide to abduct any of the babes and begin his own family with them?  Will Mario Lopez be cut into several pieces ending the reign for his annoying characters?  Since when do we let exotic dancers work with autistic kids?  Satisfying and lots of neat yourself a favor and watch "A Crack in the Floor."  

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove, Pirate's Revenge

We can't ignore films by The Asylum, especially if they have the word 'massacre' in the title. For all of you who were never persuaded that "The Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise is cinematic gold, 2005's "Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove" is a film for you. Disney films are for mind numbed robots, whereas The Asylum makes films we can all enjoy on their merits. Directed by Gary Jones, today's film boasts of over a dozen decapitations.

Hunks and babes who have just graduated high school are having a campfire at the beach. Sasha (Megan Lee Ethridge) and Tom (Justin Brannock) head to the surf for some gratuitous pre-marital sex. On the way, they find a treasure chest, open it, and toss the skull it contains into the! Bad move. The skull emerges as a decrepit Jolly Roger with a glowing eye and a big sword. Sasha and Tom will be chopped up as they do the dirty deed. Jolly Roger finds the rest of the party and decapitates a couple more, but Alex (Tom Nagel) and Jessie (Kristina Korn) flee. Now Jolly Roger (Rhett Giles) begins a crusade against all the town descendants of pirates who betrayed him.

Chief Mathis (Thomas Downey) is on the case. He seems sad and low energy. The nubile Jessie and under achieving Alex are his only suspects. When this duo escape custody, they too try to solve the case. Jolly Roger finds many pirate descendants and decapitates them...this quest will even take him into a strip club. Yep, even, exotic dancers can be descended from pirates...who knew? The decapitations continue and Chief Mathis finally realizes Jessie and Alex are not the killers. There is method to Jolly Roger's tirade and our crimefighters figure it out. As the population of Cutter's Cove diminishes rapidly, Alex, Jessie, and Mathis are headed to a run in with the Jolly and homicidal pirates from the past.

Will the nubile and almost sultry Jessie drop her under achieving boyfriend in favor of a real man who has been around? A pirate perhaps? Will Chief Mathis get a fire lit under him and be able to protect any of the doomed descendants? There are some classic kills in this one, and don't miss the beautiful beach babe who gets a marshmallow skewer through the eye...yes! For a jolly good time, see "Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove."

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Raiga: God of the Monsters, If Shonen Knife Made Godzilla

This Japanese monster film has the feel of a Shonen Knife music video. You'll be smiling throughout. The monsters will attack and level a Japanese city and you'll be waiting for an all-girl band to break out in a sickeningly sweet ballad. Not in English (you'll have to use closed-caption), this may be a horror-comedy, but 2009's "Raiga: God of the Monsters" (aka "Raiga: The Monster from the Deep") will have you laughing and keeping the beat as skyscrapers are pushed over and tanks are melted. 

Hajime (Yukijiro Hotaru) has just lost his wife. He's making the move on a babe, Masumi. His three lovely daughters, Hibari (Mao Urata), Matsuri (Miyu Oriyama), and Akira (Manami Enosawa) are determined to keep him pure to his wife's memory. Then their lives change. A swarm of sea creatures eat fishermen and a 200 foot monster comes to shore in Asakusa. It destroys buildings, shoots electrical bolts, melts tanks, and goes to the bathroom in the center of the city. Commander Kito (Makato Inamiya), the deranged leader of the Japanese Defense Forces acts. His fighters kill the thing. All celebrate. Hajime gets rich selling tee shirts commemorating the monster. Uh oh...his daughters announce they want to try out for Japanese Idol.

Another monster attacks. Hajime must decide between his three daughters and his beautiful and younger girlfriend. His daughters choose for him. As Asakusa is destroyed again by the behemoth, Hajime must keep his girl-band-wannabe daughters safe. Commander Kito is in his glory and dispatches a secret weapon, the KAMIKAZE machine. But wait! A third behemoth monster comes ashore. Now the two behemoths fight and piss...really! The city is flattened and looks like Tokyo just after World War 2. Now it seems the humans are defenseless against the monsters. But where there is fatherly love, and a new girl-band brewing...anything is possible.

Will Matsuri be able to put a band together that replaces Shonen Knife in the hearts of Japanese youth? Will Hajime find love during the monster invasion? Can Japanese all-girl bands and behemoth sea monsters co-exist in post World War 2 Japan? This is a fun one and the ending might be the greatest ending ever put on film. You'll be screaming! You'll be humming! You'll be tapping your feet! Watch "Raiga: God of the Monsters," directed by Shinpei Hayashiya. 

Sunday, May 8, 2022

No Through Road, A Loser Turns Monster

Ozploitation, always good.  We have one from Australia's western jewel, Perth, today.  A nerd loser, a problematic dame (aren't they all), and three thugs.  What follows is a minor tiff that becomes a bloodbath.  Torture porn, narcotics, and brutal revenge will grace the screen in 2008's "No Through Road," directed by Sam Barrett.

Richard (James Helm) is a loser who probably has never kissed a girl.  He photographs nature and probably attends Star Trek conventions...virtually.  Loser.  He lives in the house he grew up in, alone.  One day a panicked dame, meth-head, Samantha (Megan Palinkas) sneaks into his home.  She's scared out of her mind as three thugs are pursuing her.  Why?  She claims they raped her.  Richard wants her out until he has a rude meeting with the thugs, Toryn (Richie Flanagan), Chaz (Barrett), and Rob (Keagan King).  The guys cut his phone wires, disable his car, and stand guard so Sam cannot sneak out.  Richard has some ideas...none good.  His first idea gets a friend of his murdered. 

Now Richard realizes he has done nothing with his life except photographing an ocean.  His big chance to prove his manhood.  Uh oh, his new charge shoots up in his bathroom and she'll be little help.  The three killers decide to get more aggressive as a couple more of his ideas just get people killed.  Now Richard decides to turn killer.  He finds things to use as weapons and initially surprises the trio.  When the thugs realize they are dealing with a formidable opponent, all-out war breaks out... blood... torture...more murder...hammers...and swords will all explode into the plot.

Does Richard have a shot at surviving this evening?  Will Samantha de-virginize our Trekkie?  Just how many tools found in a tool box can be used for torture and dismemberment?  Just curious.  For a real bloodbath with no humor and diversion, see "No Through Road."     

Friday, May 6, 2022

The Beast of the Yellow Night, Werewolf of The Philippines

Eddie Romero is a Filipino moviemaker who has made so many great films. In today's feature he brings the werewolf legend to The Philippines, kind of. Also, he casts Mary Charlotte Wilcox as the damsel in much distress. Ms. Wilcox steals the show, shall we say as a wife constantly searching for passionate sex. To make this a deeper story, we'll be shown a parable of man's spiral into Hell, through a schmuck who sells his soul to Satan. Our feature today is 1971's "The Beast of the Yellow Night."

Joseph Langdon (John Ashley) sells his soul to Satan as he dies in the jungle. For life, Satan (Vic Diaz) asks this schmuck, an American POW who cooperated with the Japanese, to serve him loyally. The down side, Satan changes him into a werewolf creature at will to shred local populations. When John does get killed, Satan takes his soul and puts it into the body of recently killed Philip Rogers (also John Ashley). Now its 1971 and Philip returns home from the hospital with his hot wife, Julia (Wilcox). She likes the new man, not knowing its a reincarnated Joseph Langdon. She does everything she can to have incredibly erotic sex with him. Satan doesn't want his subject to enjoy himself too much, so he changes him into a werewolf whenever sexual urges overcome him. 

Not wanting to kill Julia, he has fallen in love with her, Philip jumps out the window or flees whenever Julia walks into his room clad in slinky lingerie. His killing sprees are vicious. He tears Filipinos apart and eats them. The cops are looking for the maniac. An old cop (Eddie Garcia) recognizes Philip as a former mass murderer, Joseph. Langdon lived in the 40s, so the cop dismisses the coincidence, sort of. After more vicious killings and some very erotic scenes of a wanting Julia, a chance at salvation enters the picture. During a killing spree, the creature/Philip takes refuge in a warehouse of someone who just may hold the key to breaking Philip/Joseph's eternal sentence to Satan.

Will Julia find someone she can have passionate sex with beside her werewolf/husband? Is it possible to regain your soul for goodness after you have sold it to Satan? This is a gratuitous film in its violence and Julia's sexuality. Nudity and gore will abound, and many Filipinos will be shredded. For some neat Asian horror, see "The Beast of the Yellow Night."

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Freeway, Demented Priest vs Babe Nurse

Bring back those nurses who wore trim white uniforms and smiles.  They were fodder for many a salacious soap opera or exploitation film.  Today we have chunky, grouchy ones who yell a lot about being under appreciated, and wear green pajama like scrubs as they do TikTok videos.  1980s beauty, the late Darlanne Fluegel gives a ravishing performance in today's feature as a babe nurse in white in much peril.  Now we look at 1988's "Freeway," directed by Francis Delia.

Father Heller (Billy Drago) is upset at all the fornicators and sinners in L.A.  He takes a gun and goes cruising the freeways blowing away other motorists.  As the film begins he blows away nightclub beauty, Laura (Laurie Foshay).  He spouts phrases from Revelation as he does these killings.  Oh yeah, he spouts them on a live call-in radio show hosted by Richard Belzer.  The cops have no clues to his identity, but pretty nurse Sunny (Fluegel) gets very interested when Laura dies in front of her in the ER.  Now she is on a mission to find this creep.  Did I mention her husband was also killed by this monsignor wannabe? Her detective work riles the real detective, Boyle (Michael Callan).  It also draws the attention of Frank (James Russo), weirdo with a backstory.

Still in mourning for the loss of her husband, Sunny gives us some gratuitous nudity, sensual baths, and dives into bed with aforementioned weirdo even before finding out his name.  The two hesitantly fall in love and join forces to find the psycho priest.  After some TV appearances and as a vigilante attitude takes hold, Heller begins targeting our sultry nurse.  Frank saves her life a few times, the two have more sex, and then find themselves interviewing other creepy priests regarding Heller.  Bad news...Heller believes the apocalypse is near and revs up his murders.

Was Heller a prescient omen for the effects of Vatican 2?  Could a sincere visit to the confessional in which her pre-marital sex escapades were confessed have saved Sunny from the wrath of Father Heller?  Is Heller right about the L.A. freeways being the location of the apocalypse?  Vicious and erotic, this is a neat film.  Billy Drago gives a nice and creepy performance as a psycho cleric and Ms. Fluegel portrays one of the most alluring nurses in film history.  For a bloody and alluring good time, see "Freeway."     

Monday, May 2, 2022

Sand World, What Dune Should Have Been

If you sat through 1984's "Dune," you probably had the same thought as me.  Gee, this should have been done a bit differently.  The worms, Sting, Kenneth McMillan floating about, and Virginia Madsen in a forgettable role...that film should have been a classic.  Thanks to the Polonia Brothers, now we have that film...though Frank Herbert probably would not approve.  Today we look at 2021's "Sand World" (aka "Dune World"), directed by Mark and Anthony Polonia. 

A mining ship with a small crew heads to the moon Caliban.  20 years ago the former mining crew disappeared.  Babylon (Samantha Coolidge) is the acting captain after the death of their real captain, Raven (Cassandra Hayes).  Samantha is having weird visions as the ship nears Caliban...then some force from this moon disables the ship and it crash lands on the sandy surface.  Now the crew is on foot and trying to find the mining colony that went off-line 20 years ago.  A weird figure follows them, cloaked in black.  Also, huge worms explode out of the sand and begin eating crew members.  Now Babylon's visions intensify as a weird oracle (Jeff Kirkendall) speaks to them.  He was part of the missing mining colony.

Finally, Babylon and her men reach the ransacked mining colony as the worms keep attacking.  Now Babylon and her engineer, Kidd (Drew Patrick) tap into the computers and hear more from the oracle.  Also, Raven telepathically tells Babylon to stop resisting the strange cloaked tormentors and accept this weird moon as her new home.  The cloaked figures get closer and the crew's laser weapons are ineffective against them.  With the worms and mysterious cloaked figures closing in, a weird and philosophical conclusion nears.

Do the Polonia Brothers utilize the monster worm as erotically as Roger Corman did in "Galaxy of Terror," or as boring as David Lynch did in "Dune"?  Exactly what is Babylon's connection to her dead captain and the weird oracle?  Is the fact that Sting, or his character from the 1984 film, is not in this movie a guarantee that "Sand World" is a superior cinematic effort?  If "Sand World" was written before Frank Herbert wrote Dune, would he have become a romance novelist instead of a science fiction writer?  For Polonia Brothers fun, see "Sand World."