The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, Razor Shreds Italian Women

For every stunning babe in Italy...there is a straight razor looking to mar her. Hence...the logic of Giallo...Italian sexploitation. 1970's "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage," directed by Dario Argento, is the classic Italian psycho horror film with a lot of cheesecake slashed. In this one, the victims are all sultry Italian women and their demises will be quite bloody. A straight forward plot with some really neatly deviant and weird characters highlight this one.

Sam (Tony Musante), is an American writer (of boring books) in Italy to find inspiration for future plots. He brings his GF Julia (Suzy Kendall) with him. She's pretty useless except for pre-marital sex. One night, while walking past an art museum, he sees a killer clad in black trying to gut a beautiful woman.The woman, Monica (Eva Renzi), barely survives as Sam scares away the attacker.  Inspector Morosini (Enrico Maria Salerno) is on the case. Her attacker tried to make Monica his fourth victim. The previous three were also attractive women who died in states of undress or helplessness by razor or knife.

Morosini eventually figures out that Sam isn't the killer and releases him. Sam...always looking for a good plot...decides to play detective, He researches the victims and tries to formulate a suspect. Meanwhile the killer calls him and orders him to go back to America or he'll gut Julia. Other than being a babe, Julia is quite obnoxious and useless...but Sam likes sex with her. Now a piece of macabre artwork gives Sam some interesting leads and will introduce him to a creepy artist. As Sam begins to make headway in his case, the killer makes his way over to an unguarded Julia.

Will Julia be disemboweled by this Italian slasher? Will anyone mind? Is the depraved eroticism of some of the murders a clue to the motive? Sultry babes either dying horribly or in much peril highlight this Giallo offering. For some good slasher action and a lot of European cheesecake, see Dario Argento's "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage."

Kiss of the Vampire, Vampire Wars and a Classy Dame

Sultry babes are a staple of this blog. When a sultry babe is also a classy dame...that's a bonus! Having too much class, and when beauty has refinement, the risk of boredom looms. Fortunately, the classy dame is accompanied by hungry vampire hunks and misbehaving vampire babes, a blood war, and mad scientists. Okay, we have irrelevant midgets and an incompetent vampire hunter, too, but vampire babes and the proverbial classy dame rule 2009's "Kiss of the Vampire" (aka "Immortally Yours"), directed by Joe Tornatore.

Estelle (Kat Hawkes) oozes class and glamour. Vampire clan leader Alex (Daniel Goddard) sees her at the opera and quickly moves in after Estelle's fiance passes out. Now Estelle and Alex will begin an uneasy romance, as Estelle is clueless about his affinity for blood. Meanwhile, beauties in the city are being abducted by vampires, for food...and also a weird group headed by Victor Price (Eric Etebari). Victor wants eternal life...or to be a vampire. Oh yeah, Estelle's dad is a mad scientist working on a way to achieve immortality. Now the vampire clan is upset as they believe Alex' romance with the classy mortal will endanger their anonymity.

The vampire clan parties hard and their babe vampires are quite frisky.  You may disagree, but my favorite was Sylvia (Miranda Kwok). Along comes a vampire hunter (Matthew Hues) to help the cops hunt the bloodsuckers. He'll be useless. Now Alex wants to be mortal so he can marry Estelle. I hope she will age well. Now Victor finds out that Estelle's dad is also treating Alex and that curing Alex may also mean Victor can be immortal...just go with it. Now Victor plans for everyone's death and Estelle keeps looking classy and radiant.

Yep...a lot here. The vampire babes, especially Sylvia, and, of course, the classy Estelle highlight this film. A lot of nubile babes will be torn apart and so will a few hunks. War ensues between the cops and the vampires...and the vampire babes will dance around a lot in slinky party gowns...not that the two are related. Will Sylvia, the trashy vampire babe, and the classy Estelle get into a cat-fight with each other? Why do so many so-called immortals in these vampire films die horribly? Has any other film used incompetent vampire-killers as a plot device? The story is a complicated one, but see "Kiss of the Vampire" for its allure and glamour...and slutty vamps.   

The Puppet, Dating Psychos and Bloody Carnage

Why date a psycho? Usually the answer is they can be really attractive. Even babe psychos have shelf lives. Sure, its fun for a while....maybe even a week or two. Any guy knows, eventually, crazy women can get unattractive fast. Maybe they have weird and daring pre-marital sex moves, sure, but eventually the blood will spurt and regret will seep into the relationship. Today we look at a 2013 film from South Korea, "The Puppet."

Ji-Hoon (Jong-su Lee) is a hunk psychiatrist. He uses hypnotism to cure patients. His buddy Joon-Ki (Won Ki-Jun) is dating a sultry psycho, Hyeon-Jin (Ji-sung Koo). Joon-Ki belives Hyeon-Jin's only problem is insomnia...wrong! Ji-Hoon diagnoses Hyeon-Jin as suffering from Dual Identity Disorder (complete psycho). We don't call Hyeon-Jin a complete psycho because she is real pretty. Nevertheless, Ji-Hoon hypnotizes Hyeon-Jin and finds out she is a homicidal psycho who kills boyfriends the moment they find out she is psycho and try to leave. Ji-Hoon is lonely and is captivated by the beauty so he hypnotizes her to be his love slave.

Uh oh...Hyeon-Jin's alternate personality...the homicidal lunatic...is watching closely. No worries, Jin-Hoon hypnotizes Hyeon-Jin to lose her evil side and be a doting nymphomaniac lover. How do you think this goes? Ji-Hoon is a real jerk (all men are pigs) and tires of his sultry drone lover. He then finds a young babe, Yuri (So Young Han). She's beautiful and loves Ji-Hoon without being hypnotized. Uh oh again, the homicidal side of Hyeon-Jin isn't gone...and the ensuing bloodshed will prove this. As tons of deviant and sweaty sex fill the second half of this film, so does blood and gore.

Can Ji-Hoon ever be rid of his patient, the sultry but psycho Hyeon-Jin? Will a blood soaked and naked cat-fight ensue between Hyeon-Jin and the new babe, Yuri? Is it fitting that men who are deviant pigs end up with psycho babes? This is an erotic and vicious tale of deviance and madness. For some neat and blood soaked Asian horror, see "The Puppet."

Vampegeddon, Lesbian Goth Turned by Vampire

Goths don't fare well in horror films. Perhaps the misogynistic movie makers prefer satin-lace lingerie to black lipstick and black work boots. Throw lesbianism into a Goth equation and a centuries old vampire, one may speculate what the Lesbian Goth will be turned into. Ask no more, this is answered in 2010's "Vampegeddon," directed by Jeffrey Alan Miller.

In the 19th century European vampires are chased out of Europe. Lord Giovanni (Shane Dean) leads the bloodsuckers to the Arizona desert. English vampire hunter, Longshank (Patrick Vaillancourt) follows and kills Giovanni and his minions, but meets his demise in the process. Present day, lesbian Goth Melissa (Katherine Von Forelle) is sick of her life. She assembles her Goth buddies to partake in a rite to resurrect the vampires. Liz (Jacqueline Smith) is hesitant but Mona (Sugar Cox), Kent (Jimmy Flowers), and Ted (Josh Bingenheimer) are eager. At first the rite fails.Then Melissa finds an ancient and evil book from a weird garage sale. Now Melissa knows what to do.

Back to the desert, at the site of some massacre, and the proper rite is administered. It works. Now our lesbian Melissa has tuned in her black undies for lacy red and see through lingerie. Giovanni possesses them and we get an alluring orgy scene with our three Goth ladies and Giovanni. Also resurrected is Longshank...who has taken hold of Liz. Now Liz is charged with killing Giovanni and anyone else who may be turned into a vampire. A desert battle ensues as Giovanni administers a very erotic rite to his new love, the now not-so-lesbian Melissa. Nudity and spurting blood will dominate the second half of this film as a 200 year old feud will continue.

Since Liz is possessed by a guy vampire hunter, will Melissa seduce and have pre-marital sex with him...or her? Does the Goth community have any prayer of defeating the clan of resurrected vampires? Are nudity and spurting blood par for the course when mixing Goths, lesbians, and vampires? Nudity and gore abound in this low budget epic. For a good time, watch this sexploitation/horror film, "Vampegeddon." 

Lord of the Vampires, Vampires, Gore, and Gratuitous Blood Sex

We don't need originality or deep social messages from our horror. Sometimes just gore and slabs of beef and cheese will suffice. Today we look at 2002's "Lord of the Vampires." This Brad Sykes film is straight to video, B grade, and gratuitous in both the gore and nudity. The fangs will thrust, as will naked bodies, blood will spurt, and gore will accompany the demise of some stunning vampires.

Okay, as the film begins, sultry vampire Mercy (Vanessa Sweatte) lures schmuck Gus (Joe Myles) back to the California castle. She'll bite him and share his inner organs with her rival vampire Ravenna (Lianna Loggins) and master Viktor (Jack Wareing). Ravenna and Mercy are Viktor's vampire love slaves, and they hate each other. Viktor is getting bored with their bickering and a possible solution for his boredom is about to arrive. Meanwhile a convenience store robbery goes bad. Larry (Tom McCafferty) murders a clerk and he and his partners, the nubile Denise (Tracy Dillon) and Steve (Carey Manuel) are on the run. Oh yes, the trio take the beautiful Amanda (Kristen Lueck) hostage. Yep, their van breaks down.

New getaway plan. The trio decides to hole up in a nearby castle and eventually kill the occupants. They arrive and Viktor is quite taken with Amanda's beauty. Ravenna and Mercy are ready to tear her eyes out and very jealous. Viktor has a plan, too. Kill everyone and take Amanda as his new bride. Mercy and Ravenna continue bickering and eventually will eat Denise. Now Steve and Larry begin their robbery/murder plans...which won't go well. They soon realize their hosts are vampires and now are in a war for their lives. Amanda is in another war...to avoid becoming Viktor's undead bride. As Ravenna and Mercy get naked to seduce Steve and Larry, and to battle each other, Viktor prepares a sacrificial altar for Amanda's transition to vampire-babe.

Will we see a three-way, blood-soaked cat-fight involving Mercy, Ravenna, and Amanda? Do our two schmucks have a prayer of mounting an offense against Viktor and his two vamps? Does Viktor need to worry more about the two schmucks or his two increasingly unsatisfied brides? Gratuitous and alluring, "Lord of the Vampires" may not garner any critical praise from the elites, but you will so enjoy it.

The Case of the Bloody Iris, Edwige Fenech in Much Peril

Nothing says Giallo better than Edwige Fenech, scantily clad, in shiny black boots, being beset by a razor wielding maniac. What is it about Italian horror filmmakers that seek to give Ms. Fenech's characters a hard time? Perhaps she reminds many of them of their ex-wives. Today we look at 1972's "The Case of the Bloody Iris." This Italian horror yarn will feature our aforementioned actress in a very gratuitous and endangered role.

Jennifer (Fenech) is a fashion model, though usually topless, who has fled a nymphomaniac love cult (hey...who are we to judge?). The cult wants her back and its leader, Adam (Ben Carra) is quite menacing in attempting to get her back. Not unrelated, a sultry prostitute (Evi Fairnelli) is stabbed and slashed to death in the elevator of a swank Rome apartment building. Soon after, an annoying stripper...sorry, exotic dancer (Carla Brait), is knocked out and drowned in that same building. Trying to escape the aggressive actions of Adam, Jennifer and her buddy Marilyn (Paola Quattrino) allow the hunk Andrea (George Hilton) to move them into that same apartment building. Andrea is the architect of the place. Andrea and Jennifer will fall in love and have passionate pre-marital sex.

The killings in the building continue. One night the killer sneaks into Jennifer's flat and gropes her...she wakes just in time. No one believes her. Suspects? Oh yes...a disfigured neighbor, a sultry lesbian neighbor, a puritanical spinster neighbor, Adam...and even Andrea. As handsome as Andrea is, he displays some weird psychological hang-ups. We'll see Jennifer nude a lot...and Marilyn too. Poor Marilyn...do I need to tell you her fate...very bloody. The cops have no clues but all the suspects seem to converge on Jennifer as the film draws to the bloody conclusion.

Will Jennifer be collected by the insane love cult, cut to pieces by the killer, or live happily ever after with the weird hunk Andrea? I know, this predicament is one in which we have all wondered about ourselves sometime in our adult lives...the Giallo films are so relatable to us. Gratuitous and gory, Edwige Fenech bares all in this horror film. Perhaps a statement of the exorbitant housing market in major European cities...or perhaps just a gratuitous and bloody European sexploitation horror film. Either way, enjoy "The Case of the Bloody Iris," directed by Giuliano Carnimeo.

The Bulldance, Weird Pagan Rituals and Nubile Gymnasts

Weird, quirky, and not for everyone. There is a lot of reasons not to enjoy this film. Knowing this, the movie-makers added a couple of dozen nubile gymnasts who like pre-marital sex with rock bands and any other hunk who comes their way. Throw in a bull and one sultry gymnast's attraction to it and maybe 1988's "The Bulldance" garners some appeal.

Francine (Lauren Hutton) and husband Charles (Cliff De Young) run an exclusive gymnastics school on Crete. American beauties go there to train for the Olympics. As the film begins, Paula (Samantha Mathis) arrives. She'll train with the other gals but won't have a chance for pre-marital sex with coach Jack (Robert Beltran). Paula will be brutally raped. Oh yeah...Jack. This hunk coach has sex with the gals, usually the reform-school girl Jane (Viveka Davis). Jane lit her stepfather on fire and was saved from reform school by Francine and Charles...bad idea. Who raped Paula? The gals think utility-man Ulysis (Svetislav Goncic) did. With a tip of the hat to an ancient pagan rite, the gals have a bull mask made, perform a weird dance ritual, and conduct a sacrificial rite on Ulysis.

Okay...you're confused. I should say the nubile gymnasts are quite attractive, jump around a lot, and have pre-marital sex with rock bands and Jack. Uh oh...so does Francine. Uh oh again, Jane, the homicidal pyromaniac, gets jealous when she learns Francine is also going to town on Jack. Uh oh again, Ulysis didn't rape Paula...again begging the question...who did? As Francine keeps sneaking away from Charles for the purpose of extra-marital sex with Jack...and Jane keeps sneaking away from her dorm with the purpose of pre-marital sex with Jack...a vicious and weird ending appears to be developing.

As our gymnasts continue their gratuitous training and as sexual hanky-panky increases, everyone awaits Paula to regain conscious so she can identify her rapist. Who did rape Paula, and why? Will Jane and Francine engage in a bloody and gratuitous cat-fight? How will the gigantic bull factor into the ending of this sexually charged thriller? Weird and perhaps more than suggestively deviant, "The Bulldance" (aka "Forbidden Sun," and "Bull Dance"), directed by Zelda Barron, is a refreshing film to watch in the age of sequels and super-hero garbage.

The Kingdom of Var, Ritualistic Sacrifice and Cannibalism Galore

With a tip of the hat to horror legend Herschell Gordon Lewis, we take a look at a rather gory Canadian gore-fest, 2019's "The Kingdom of Var." Low-budget all the way and made without any government funds, our film today is ambitious and heavy on spurting blood and disembowelment. This Nicholas Kleban film will please hardcore horror fans and combine some classic themes that H.P Lovecraft and Ken Russell fans will recognize.

Sonja (Vida Zukauskas) is a beautiful college student. As our film begins the devoted scholar receives a surprise guest. Her buddy Ashley (Sarah Swerid) arrives for a mysterious visit. Uh oh...the two prowl around in Sonja's basement. They find some junk left by the previous occupant who ended up in an insane asylum. The good looking duo find a VHS tape and make the mistake of their lives...they play it. The VHS tape is labelled "1594" and appears to show a brief clip of a centuries old wizard conducting some occult rite. Then the weirdness begins.

A nutsoid security guard (Mark Brombacher) begins sexually harassing Sonja. Then out of nowhere, hunk Kyle (Stephen Ingram) comes into Sonja's life. Visions and dreams indicate Sonja is being summoned by a weird centuries old cannibalistic cult. We then get a glimpse of Sonja's horrific backstory and it seems to fit too well into this gory plot. Now Sonja is on the run from weird cultists who get off on pulling out internal organs and eating them. Sonja begins fighting back but her tormentors have a huge head-start and seek her soul and internal organs for dinner. Humiliating and smelly rape, grotesque mutilation, and eternal torment are in store for Sonja if she can't find a way to repel a centuries old demonic wizard.

Will the beautiful Sonja be able to defeat Var and his Varians before they pull out all her organs? Can Sonja count on her best friend Ashley and new boyfriend Kyle or has Var already co-opted them? Are cannibalism and ritualistic sacrifice unjustly scorned by the Anglo-European culture that tries to corrupt us with godforsaken pop-music and drug legalization? Okay, that last question is meant to be provocative. Enjoy "The Kingdom of Var" and eschew the dry rot that main stream Hollywood pushes at us.
To stream THE KINGDOM OF VAR on Amazon, click on this link Stream Var

The Thirst, Drug Addicts to Vampire Blood Addicts

This just may be the best vampire film you have never seen. Poignant commentary about addiction is interspersed with spurting blood, Japanese style, deviant orgies showered in blood, and strip club massacres (that's right, plural). Many of the vampire victims will be nude or clad only in naughty undies. 2006's "The Thirst," directed by Jeremy Kasten, is our feature today.

Maxx (Matt Keeslar) is a schmuck recovering addict. His girlfriend, Lisa (Clare Kramer), is a stripper and an addict...and she is dying of cancer. On her deathbed, a sultry therapist/vampire, Mariel (Serena Scott Thomas) turns Lisa into a Vampire at the hospital. Maxx is clueless and eulogizes his lost love at the funeral. A few weeks later Maxx goes to a strip club and believes he sees Lisa. He returns to the club the next day as a vampire clan arrives. The vampires pull off a massacre. All patrons and strippers are ripped apart and eaten...except for Maxx. Lisa saves Maxx and now the vampire clan, headed by Darius (Jeremy Sisto) has plans for Maxx. The dweeb Maxx, so in love with Lisa, allows the ex-stripper, er...exotic dancer, sorry, to turn him. More spurting blood during wild deviant sex will follow.

Uh oh. As a human, Maxx was weak and sniveling. As a vampire...he has attitude and ambition. He immediately emerges as a threat to Darius' authority. On his first feed, Maxx is the MVP of another strip club massacre in which he feasts on and tears apart Lisa's former stripper friend. As Maxx ventures out on his own, a no-no in Darius' clan, he rips apart lingerie clad Macey (Charlotte Ayanna). Lisa arrives to help him clean up and to eat Macey's cats. Now Lisa and Maxx are on the run from Darius and his clan. Knowing their chances of freeing themselves of the clan, Lisa develops a plan to kill off all the pursuing vampires...but will it work?

Will the two addicts in life find love in their new world of vampire blood addicts? What is this plan of Lisa's, and can an ex-exotic dancer outsmart centuries old vampires? Are the death orgies of spurting blood, filled with lingerie clad babe-victims, a thinly veiled metaphor for the misogyny that is Hollywood's film industry? This is a wild, deviant, and gory vampire film. Fast-paced and gratuitous in it's nudity and eroticism, "The Thirst" is a must see for you vampire film lovers.

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft, Vampire Babes and Sultry Witches

Cat-fights between sultry witches and vampire babes are an underused plot device in modern cinema. However, in 1998's "Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft," we have tons of them. Our sultry witch clad in leather, carrying a sword, will try to stake a number of vampire scantily clad vampire babes, and the two sides will often go hand to hand. Add in some babe and hunk Interpol agents, and an attempt to resurrect an ages old demon and we will have so much fun.

Sultry good witch Celeste (Wendy Cooper), who is also an Interpol advisor, is sent to London to prevent evil forces from...well, doing what evil forces do. Interpol has captured a Satanist leader, Hyde (Kerry Knowlton). Uh oh, bad vampire Raven (Eileen Daly) and her babe vamps will kill a bunch of hunk and babe agents and spring Hyde. Raven wants Hyde to help her perform an ancient rite to resurrect a primo demon...some schmuck named Morshenko. Enter babe agent Lucy (Stephanie Beaton) from L.A. She wants Hyde. She'll team up with hunk agent Chris (Sean Harry)...they'll have steamy pre-marital sex. Luckily for Lucy and Chris that Celeste has arrived as the two lovebirds keep getting pummeled and captured by babe vamps.

Okay...an army of vamps beset Celeste and her two lovebird agents. Dozens of rip-roaring cat-fights will ensue. Meanwhile, Hyde is tricking Raven and her vamps and intends to be the supreme evil ruler of all humanity...or something like that. More cat-fights will ensue as the babe vamps will wipe out all the hunk and babe Interpol agents. Now Celeste and her tow lovebird agents must infiltrate Hyde's lair and contend with him, Raven, and Raven's vamps. I didn't mention Celeste's lover who might be real or a ghost...and I won't. The final battle will see many beautiful, living and undead, fall, and Lucy get pummeled some more.

Will Celeste and her two lovebird agents defeat Hyde and Raven before Lucy gets pummeled into submission? Does the army of beautiful vamps stand a chance against the leather clad Celeste? Is IMDB's 1.9/10 rating of this film display the arrogance of artsy-fartsy reviewer wannabes who think Kate Winslett is a great actress? This is an epic that needs to be seen by B movie lovers. For a great time and a satisfaction of your cat-fight quota, see "Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft," directed by Elisar Cabrera.

Massage Parlor of Death, Voodoo, Cannibalism, Massage Babes and Guts

We all needed this! Finally a film about resurrecting the dead and the massage parlor sluts who help it happen. Perhaps a morality tale for the ages, or just a gratuitous vehicle for gratuitous massage sex and disembowelment...either way, who can resist? Today we take a look at Richard Mogg's 2015 classic, "Massage Parlor of Death."

Ruby runs a massage parlor. This babe lures in customers, gives them a sensual massage, and either decapitates them or disembowels them. She needs their body parts in order to perform a sacred Haitian ritual which will bring back her dead lover. She'll murder Gordon (Kevin Paynter) as the film begins and pull out his innards. hen when the perky blonde Lizzie (Christina Martine) arrives for a massage and lesbian sex, Ruby saws her head off. Everything is going to plan as her dead lover's spirit encourages her and gives instruction.

Then the sultry Jenny (Kaitlyn Yurkiw) arrives. She wants a job as a massage therapist/prostitute. Ruby gives her a massage and is stopped from killing her by her dead lover. The plan now is to have Jenny draw in customers, murder them, and gather enough body parts for the sacred resurrection rite. Jenny hesitantly accepts but makes it known she kills for hatred for the victims. More schmuck victims show up for massages and sex and the beautiful duo disembowel them. We get a glimpse of Ruby's backstory as an archaeologist in Haiti and the scenes of Haiti (British Columbia) are striking. Uh oh...Jenny may have wished she found out more about the sacred resurrection ritual before agreeing to help.

Will Ruby succeed in bringing her dead lover back? Will the sultry Jenny be spared the wrath of this voodoo rite? Is this film a metaphor chronicling the demented state of male-female relationships in 21st Century North America? The ending will be gory, wild, and a shocking and taboo twist will have you gasping. Enjoy "Massage Parlor of Death," and eschew the stale and tiresome thrillers thrown at us by the bores in Hollywood.

Ballet of Blood, Gratuitous Ballerina Carnage

Sultry ballerinas in tight leotards. Sultry ballerinas in lesbian love scenes. Sultry ballerinas mowed down by machine guns. Sultry ballerinas in gratuitous cat-fights. Sultry ballerinas frolicking at lingerie parties. Sultry ballerinas having their eyes gouged out. Sultry ballerinas disemboweled. A deep Shakespearean tragic/comedy, or a gratuitous and orgasmic attempt at a Giallo-type film? You can decide when you watch  2015's Jared Masters' "Ballet of Blood."

Plot...a description of it would not serve you well...but I'll try. Sultry and naked ballerina Nisa (Sydney Ray) interrupts a ballet rehearsal by trying to massacre the entire troupe with an Uzi. The gun jams. Her best buddy, the beautiful Ria (Jesse Aaron) is sent to an insane asylum and blamed for the near carnage. Ria escapes by killing the warden and becomes a murderer. Now Ria seeks Nisa who is a fugitive. The shocked ballet troupe continues to rehearse unaware that they will all be butchered and skewered soon...but by who...and why?

Two sister ballerinas Maren (Marla Martinez) and Saren (Rubi Garcia) may hold the answers. Saren plays with a Ouija Board and conjures up slutty spirits while Maren writes a young adult crime thriller. Oh yeah, the carnage in Maren's writings becomes real. This spells trouble for the ballerinas as she is writing about the massacre of her troupe, and the sordid lesbian sex and heroine addictions that permeate the clan. Surreal lingerie parties and bloody puppet shows help advance the story. I won't even mention the two ballerinas having bloody lesbian sex as they are riddled with Uzi rounds...you probably don't want to hear about that, anyway.

What is the ending to Maren's story? Will Nisa and Ria reunite to massacre the troupe, or to have passionate lesbian sex, or engage in a cat-fight to the death? Is the gore, lesbian sex, and disembowelment an attempt to revive Giallo-horror here in the U.S.A.? Take this film for what its worth, but I'm guessing most of you will try to find it. For a tickling of your prurient interests, enjoy "Ballet of Blood."

Daughters of Darkness, Lesbian Vampires Being Naughty

What an ending! Pure poetry! You'll see. The great Countess Elizabeth Bathory, tormentor of beautiful virgins! To be more specific, torturer and consumer of beautiful virgins. When Oil of Olay stops working, virgin blood from nubile babes is needed. Hey, we all have our hang-ups, and when you are a sultry woman (albeit, a vampire), polite company tends to look the other way. Today we discuss 1971's "Daughters of Darkness," shot in Belgium and directed by Harry Kumel.

Our story begins with some rough sex (very rough). Newlyweds Stefan (John Karlen) and Valerie (Danielle Ouimet). The duo have their sex in a vicious manner, he pummels and whips her, and she bruises and submits. Now the duo is stuck at a six star hotel, practically deserted in the off season. Uh oh...the Countess Elizabeth Bathory (Delphine Seyrig) with her nubile vampire sex-toy Ilona (Andrea Rau) arrive. Not coincidentally, babes in Belgium start dying after losing all their blood. Uh oh again, Countess Bathory falls in love with Valerie. Ilona gets jealous, but is powerless to voice any opposition to her mistress.

Elizabeth begins her seduction and sets Ilona on Stefan. This will lead to one of the greatest "Wait! I can explain" moments in film history as Valerie catches the nude Stefan mounting Ilona's nude corpse in the shower. Now Valerie is drawn to her new friend, the mysterious countess. The eroticism explodes as between the four of our characters, everyone has weird sex with each other. Uh oh...danger looms for the countess as a mysterious guest arrives. Uh oh again, Stefan's mom is some weird guy with family secrets...really, you'll see. Don't fret, none of the plot devices will keep anyone's clothes on or tame some really deviant sex.

Are Ilona and Stefan being set up to be schmucks in a twisted and erotic vampire plan? Can the still human Valerie mount any defenses to repel the erotic and blood desires of a centuries old vampire countess? Will Elizabeth's lust for the newlywed Valerie cause her to put her hormones before her wisdom of the centuries? Erotic and bloody...sexploitation or Euro-Trash...whichever term you use, see "Daughters of Darkness" to satisfy your prurient taste in film.

Tunnel Vision, Sultry Cop vs.Sex Maniac

Patsy Kensit as a 'Dirty Harry' type homicide detective? Does it work? Yes...and much better than that twerp Dennis Weaver as "McCloud" or that idiot who plays "Monk." In this erotic sex thriller, our babe plays a Brisbane, Australia cop in search of a killer who wold like to tie her up, strip her, whip her, and gut her. The aforementioned losers never portrayed anything like that. Of course, in Brisbane, the suspects will be half the population (male and female). Today we look at Clive Fleury's 1995's masterpiece, "Tunnel Vision."

A psycho abducts Australian babes, poses them in S&M poses and murders them. Two detectives, Kelly (Kensit) and Frank (Robert Reynolds) are on the case.The killings continue and we see BDSM babe Rachel (Vanessa Steele) get abducted...and eventually killed. The bodies are always found nude and in erotic poses. Uh oh, a weird artist paints babes in various S&M poses and he is having exhibitions all over Brisbane. Guess what! Frank just married the beautiful Helena (Rebecca Rigg). She is big in art promotion and might be having an affair with a twerp. Helena just happens to be Kelly's best friend.

Kelly and Frank find out all the victims were heavy into the S&M scene (as is everyone in Brisbane). Suspects are found who knew all the victims. We also get to see Kelly sweat a lot...and Helena, too. Now the evidence seems to be clear, Helena is cheating on Frank. Oh yes, Kelly might be taking advantage of this to move in on Frank. Uh oh again, when Helena's lover is found murdered, an arrest warrant is issued for Frank. Now Kelly must hurry and find the sex killer as well as the real killer of Frank's nemesis.  Oh yes, in addition to the salacious sexual suggestion of the plot, Kelly, Frank, and Helena will ooze with three way sexual tension which will eventually explode.

Can Kelly clear Frank's name before she is abducted, tied up, whipped and killed? Is the artistic nature of our sex-psycho suggesting that Helena knows the killer...or is the killer? Did Brisbane's flourishing S&M scene suffer any after this film came out? This is a neat crime/thriller and Patsy Kensit is so alluring throughout. The ending is a twist and a half and you'll wish a TV show was made with Patsy Kensit as the detective instead of dweebs like Dennis Weaver and Tony Shalhoub. See "Tunnel Vision," and enjoy a good crime thriller with heavy perverted sexual undertones.

The Corruption of Chris Miller, Spanish Giallo

Giallo is Italian horror (kinky and gory). Today we have one from Spain, Giallo in every way except geographically. Nymphomaniac babes nude, getting cut up, sunbathing, frolicking in bikinis, and quite insane. Deviant behavior will rule the day as will slashings and stabbings. Oh yes...deviant pre-marital sex, deviant lesbian sex, and of course a good measure of the taboo. Today we look at Juan Antonio Bardem's "The Corruption of Chris Miller."

Bear with me...a nude nightclub performer (Perla Cristal) wakes and looks for the man she has been making passionate love to for two weeks. She dons a see through negligee and then Charlie Chaplain emerges and stabs her dozens of times. Really...I'm not kidding. Now to Ruth's (Jean Seberg) mansion. Her husband, a puppet-master, left her years ago. The fellow couldn't take it anymore. He left Ruth with his daughter, Chris (Marisol). Chris has grown into quite the babe and no one ever introduced her to bras. Chris is quite insane...afraid of the rain...showers...and has a proclivity for stabbing things. Oh yes, Ruth, her stepmom,  is trying to drive her insane and also enjoying lesbian sex with her. Enter the drifter, Barney (Barry Stokes). Poor schmuck...he is seduced by Ruth who then goads him to also have pre-marital sex with the unstable Chris.

Barney is eager to rip off the two ladies. Both Chris and Ruth look at him as a doberman looks at a lamb-chop. The two ladies continue their intimacies and now also have Barney in the equation. Uh oh...Perla's murder seems to be the work of a serial killer. A family of five is then massacred by the killer and the cops are interested in Barney...as are Ruth and Chris. We'll see Ruth and Chris in some sexy nightwear, nude, and in the throes of passionate intercourse...but with who? Madness invades the plot even more. Knives will be thrust, scythes will swing, blood will spatter, and the sex will be quite deviant.

Just what did Chris' dad do to her before he ran off that made her so insane and deviant? Is Ruth's sexual attraction to Chris a method of revenge against the husband who left her? Does the schmuck Barney have any shot at remaining stab-free with these two insane women around? Gory and deviant, this one will satisfy your prurient desires. Call it Spanish-Giallo or Euro-Trash..either way, enjoy the sordid "The Corruption of Chris Miller."

Mangrove Slasher 2, Drive-In Grindhouse at its Best!

Low budget horror...is there anything more inspiring? How about really low budget exploitation with severed limbs, disembowelment, bikini babe cat-fights, and gratuitous nudity knit together to form orgasmic slasher fare. There will be cannibalism, pre-marital sex, severed boobs, and complicated metaphor referring to obtuse relationships in sophisticated urban settings. Okay, so I lied about the 'metaphor referring to obtuse relationships in a sophisticated urban setting.' Anytime the end credits denote Victim #51 (Holly Gesell), you know you have a winner.

Florida filmmaker Sean Haitz is the South's premier B movie slasher/horror creator. Before "Big Top Evil," and "The Cannibal Comedian," there was the micro budget "Mangrove Slasher 2." Plot? Come on, after the preceding paragraph, you want a plot description? Suffice it to say, jocks and cheerleaders are heading to a beach party. There will be beer, rock 'n roll, gratuitous bikini jiggling, and an unwelcome guest or two. The cool kids will converge, and we won't have much sympathy for them. The jocks and babes get off on humiliating and bullying the uncool, and karma is a bad thing. Then, conjured up by misbehaving youths seeking pre-marital sex, The Mangrove Slasher (Richard Svec) begins his wrath.

He has a machete and an appetite. He'll swing the big blade and boobs, limbs, heads, and internal organs will fly. There will be more bikini babe jiggling...and the aforementioned cat-fight. Gratuitous is the operative word, in gore and nudity...okay, in cannibalism, too. What follows is an orgy of blood and murder as this horrifying creature seems unstoppable. The deaths will be in the several dozens...just ask Holly Gesell.

Will anyone be able to stop The Mangrove Slasher? Will the two chicks involved in the bikini cat-fight be able to keep their boobs intact? Did Sean Haitz really cut Cate Blanchett just before filming began because of her inability to adequately fill out a bikini? Sean Haitz has a knack of making movies we actually want to see. Picture a 1972 drive-in exploitation epic and multiply it by ten, and you have 2011's "Mangrove Slasher 2."
Buy Mangrove Slasher 2 on DVD