Thursday, November 29, 2018

Ginger, Before there was The Abductors

Okay...a beautiful blonde sunbathing in a skimpy white bikini.  Enter four other bikini babes with the intention of roughing up our heroine.  A vicious cat-fight ensues, and our blonde beauty decimates her brunette tormentor, humiliates her, strips her of her bikini, and then hogties her with that same bikini.  A classic scene from "Manchester by the Sea" wait...nope, I'm sorry...a classic scene from the 1970 sexploitation gem "Ginger." Ginger is of course played by modern day bee-keeper Cheri Caffaro.  Ms. Caffaro would reprise this role two years later in one of this blog's most popular entries The Abductors . Both these films are directed by Don Schain.
A resort town on New Jersey's coast is controlled by a Drug/Gambling/Prostitution crime syndicate. Lots of wealthy, old, bald fat men are being blackmailed after indulging in these vices. Beautiful spy/private-eye Ginger is sent in to infiltrate this organization and end it.  Ginger is straight to the point, and heads to the upper echelons of the gang. Rex (Duane Tucker), the slimy leader of this gang makes Ginger a target.  One step ahead of Rex, Ginger is waiting.  Hence the above mentioned scene with the cat-fight occurs.  After the cat-fight, Ginger takes another of Rex's beautiful gals to her hotel room and interrogates her while having wild lesbian sex with her.
The Longest Dance Scene Ever
Ginger uses sex to get what she wants.  In a contrast to how many view this film, Ginger ends up besting her male tormentors and even humiliating them with her sexual prowess. Unfortunately for some of Rex's henchmen, Ginger not only uses sex as a weapon, she also uses castration as a form of vengeance.  As Rex realizes that Ginger is a formidable foe, he takes off his kid gloves.  Ginger will have to endure rape, humiliation, and torture in her pursuit of Rex.  Beautiful women will die horribly as Ginger closes in on Rex.  Will Ginger also end up a corpse?  Exactly what does the evil Rex have in mind for his sexy pursuer?
Rex and Ginger
At no point in this film are the tenets of political correctness adhered to. Women will be raped, tortured and portrayed as sex-machines.  The N word will be used often and also some even more offensive racial epitaphs will be thrown about.  A 2018 audience will find this film inflammatory to any racial or gender discussion.  Okay, so perhaps "Ginger" won't be a film to discuss while dining with the in-laws, but if you get stuck going to see "Manchester by the Sea"... well... this 1970 sexploitation gem is a film you are going to want to see.  

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

The Brain, Tentacled Menace Conquers World

It was such a beautiful thing. The opening scene of 1988's "The Brain." The beautiful Becky (Susannah Hoffman) is attacked in her bedroom by tentacles bursting out of her teddy bear, TV, furniture, etc. Her mom comes to help and the tentacle that exploded out of the stuffed bear strangles her. Becky tries to help her mom, to no avail. Horrified, Becky is then attacked by a huge brain that busts out of her mirror, grabs her, and throws her out the window to her death. You can't beat 1980s horror.
Becky and her mom are part of a murder/suicide epidemic (as classified by the police) in a small town. Meanwhile, Dr. Blake (David Gale) runs the Psychological Research Institute (PRI). He films his TV show there. Also there is a huge monster brain. This brain uses the TV signals to hypnotize TV audiences in an attempt to conquer the world by turning all the viewers into mind-numbed robots to do its dirty work. Jim (Tom Bresnahan) is a high school rebel sent to Blake for treatment. Blake and the brain are alarmed because Jim cannot be hypnotized. Oh yeah...Vivian (Christine Kossak) is the sultry blonde assistant to Blake. When she poses an objection to serving the monster, the brain jumps her and eats her was such a beautiful thing.
Jim is now on the run as local murders are blamed on him. As the entire town is under the spell of the monster brain, Blake and the brain try to get Jim back. Jim's hot girlfriend Janet (Cynthia Preston) is the only one who believes him. Together they have to fight the brain and save mankind...but not before some pre-marital sex. Now the stakes are raised as even Jim's parents are out to kill him, and Janet is abducted by the creature and its tentacles (yeah, you Japanese businessmen will love this one). Jim has a simple plan...return to PRI and kill the brain.
Does Jim's plan have any chance at success? Will the tentacled menace have its way with the nubile Janet? Are brain creatures with probing tentacles a mere metaphor for the treatment of women in the film industry, or maybe in western civilization? This is a good one with some nice creature effects. Directed by Ed Hunt, for some neat social commentary about the influence of TV in our lives and how our brains process women in society...see "The Brain."

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Death House, A Modern Horror Orgy

In baseball, Mays, Ruth, and Musial are royalty. In hockey...Gretzky, Lemieux, and Orr. In football, Bradshaw, Montana and Brady. In modern horror I can think of Kane Hodder, Barbara Crampton, and Lloyd Kaufman...and dozens more who make up the Hall of Fame of modern horror...or to be more exact...the cast of 2017's "Death House" (a B. Harrison Smith film). Who do you pray to? Do you know God? When your life dwells in turmoil and pain, what or who do you reach for? You think you may know the answer...but maybe not.
Two great looking FBI agents, Boon (Courtney Palm) and Novak (Cody Longo) are sent to a weird prison established'll see. Inside the joint, scientists led by Dr. Fletcher (Dee Wallace) and Dr. Redmane (Crampton) are charged with erasing the evil thoughts of the most evil beings and making them good. Yeah...that'll work. Boon and Novak have been granted 'honors requests' to visit the prison and exact some revenge of the evil peeps who caused them pain. The duo is given a tour and we meet some sordid cannibals, necrophiliacs, chainsaw killers, and much more. Oh yes, the bottom level...the five evils dwell. The tour is horrific, not only as we see the evil sorts, but we are also let in on the methods of 'Death House,' and these may be even more horrific than the crimes represented here.
At first Boon and Novak meet the devils as they are bound and confined. Boon gets to meet Sieg (Kane Hodder)'ll see, but Boon seeks revenge for what he did to her. The dynamic switches when an EMP knocks out all the power to this hell and now the prisoners are all loose. Our FBI duo and the doctors and staff are now hunted for food, torture and rape. Do the prisoners desire escape? That's not an easy question to answer. Boon and Novak also seek salvation from the monsters and their path to it isn't what you would expect. No spoilers here but suffice it to say you will meet a plethora of horror greatness including Camille Keaton ("I Spit on Your Grave"), Michael Berryman ("The Hills Have Eyes"), Gunnar Hansen ("The Texas Chainsaw Massacre") and dozens of other A-list modern horror stars.
"Death House" can be seen as a vehicle for a gratuitous shower shower scene, gratuitous cannibalism, and gratuitous necrophilia. We'd all be satisfied with that no doubt, but you will also be treated to some thought provoking questions regarding good and evil and their relationship...then our relationships to goodness or evil. Will Barbara Crampton endure a fate more horrific than the one which felled her in "Re-Animator"? Will the FBI agents prevail over what lurks in the bottom level of this prison?  Did I mention Tiffany Shepis and Debbie Rochon? Any fan of horror since 1980 must see "Death House." Look at it as a warm shower of blood on a cold winter's day...with a screamqueen by your side...okay, that's enough...I'm getting weird.

Friday, November 23, 2018

Camp Dread, Sleepaway Camp Lives

Remember 1983's "Sleepaway Camp"? Yep...that's the one. You remember when Angela reveals...wait, no spoilers here. The last few minutes of that 80s slasher classic ranks as one of the greatest OMG moments in film history. This brings up to the B. Harrison Smith slasher film from 2014 "Camp Dread." The insanity and carnage at the end of the aforementioned 'Sleepaway" will prove tame when compared to the final half hour of "Dread." Paying great homage to the "Sleepaway" mini-franchise, "Camp Dread" will shock you with some of the neatest kills ever put on film.
Julian (Eric Roberts) directed "Sleepaway Camp" back in the 80s. For the purpose of keeping everything legal, the name of the film is altered slightly. He returns to the camp by the lake to film a reality show. He is met by the Sheriff Donlyn (Danielle Harris...okay, maybe miscast but she is really pretty and wears the uniform we'll go with it). He appears legit, but we know better. Then the contestants arrive, all hunks and babes in their early 20s. All have committed horrific crimes and this reality show is supposed to be some Outward Bound type endeavor that will work to set them straight. They will work to fix up the camp and supposedly try to avoid being killed by a slasher. They believe the deaths will be fake. Everything is filmed...of course.
The campers are visually pleasing. Katie (Montana Marks) is a sultry skank and she will bunk with the sultry lesbian Sarah (Ashley Sumner). Both will provide gratuitous performances, clothed, in bikinis, or nude. The guys are all hunks...but I kept my eyes on the gals. Adrienne (Nicole Cinaglia) appears to be the most psycho. The murders start and they are original and quite gory. Oh yeah, remember Felissa Rose from 'Sleepaway'? She's back, and plays an Angela like character from Julian's 80s slasher films before leaving acting. She has become a counselor for these criminals. It takes awhile before the campers realize their dead friends have really been murdered. One by one they are offed. Who lives and who dies? No spoilers here. Killer? Could it be Julian? One of the psycho campers? Miss Rose's Rachel? After all, she was the...oops...never mind.
"Camp Dread" is an orgy of slasher kills. Machetes, anti-freeze, and a prosthetic will all be used to slay the beautiful. Gratuitous and exploitative will rule the day in this film and the final reveal will be shocking and ambitious. As for Danielle Harris? Oh'll see. B. Harrison Smith has given 80s slasher film fans a gratuitous gift, so if you haven't seen "Camp Dread," find it and watch it!

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Black Wake, Tom Sizemore Tries to Save Humanity

I know what you're asking. What is Tom Sizemore up to these days? Okay so that's not quite what you were asking, but just go with it. No, not some stupid and tired superhero, not some J.J. Abrams CGI orgy...not even a sequel. Think a poor man's Lovecraftian horror story. This brings us to 2018's "Black Wake." Okay, the film has some problems, but those who have witnessed the last three seasons of "The Walking Dead" will have to admit this is a much better zombie...or I should say zombie/tentacled menace drama than anything AMC has to offer.
Some weird tentacled menace is in the water. The FBI and CIA are on it...a lot of good they will do. Dr. Luiza Moreira (Nana Gouvea) is summoned...psychologist/anthropoligist/bikini babe (hey, why not?).  Normal people by the sea are turning into serial killing/zombies. Initial reports suggest that people are being killed after their skulls are bashed open. Not so, the skulls are ruined when something explodes out of them. Yep, you guessed it...a scorpion like parasite. People are infected by this thing and then start killing and researching space travel and addresses of astronauts. No, I'm serious. Hey, better than any plot device from ""The Walking Dead" over the last three years.
Dr. Luiza, bikini babe, has some very gratuitous bikini scenes, but more importantly comes into contact with the scribbles of one of the infected. As she studies this notebook, she is drawn in to the influence of some monstrous force with tentacles. Oh yeah...the CIA is watching everything she does. As she is drawn further into the evil of the notebook, she begins to get unhinged...and has some more bikini scenes. Also drawn into the influence of this thing is Detective Michaels (Sizemore) who is trying to get to the bottom of a rash of murders and acts of disembowelment. The carnage spreads westward and these mass killings are threatening to upend civilization.
What is this monstrous squid like thing that turns humans into zombies with scorpion parasites (wow, haven't we've asked that question a lot lately?)? Will bikini babe Dr. Luiza figure out how to stop the evil force before everyone is infected with these scorpion things that explode out of people's skulls? Will Dr. Luiza eventually have carnal relations with the tentacled menace (you Japanese businessmen will want to pay close attention to this possibility)? Not a perfect film but I challenge anyone to tell me that this plot is inferior to any superhero film plot or one of "The Walking Dead." Enjoy bikini babe Dr. Luiza in "Black Wake."

Monday, November 19, 2018

Succubus, Euro-Trash Demonic Vixen

It is absolutely no surprise that Jesus Franco made a Euro-Trash film featuring deviant sex and religious heresy. Naturally, this blog is on it. Filmed in Portugal and West Germany, we will delve into 1968's "Succubus." Perhaps a statement of the coming of age of suppressed carnal desires in a western country steeped in traditional Catholicism. Yeah...maybe. Most of us will see "Succubus" as an orgasmic tribute to the sexual expression of French actress Janine Reynaud.
Exotic dancer, Lorna Green (Reynaud) has been chosen. For what and by who? Well, as the film begins she is performing a provocative and violently erotic skit in which she plays an evil dominatrix devil-vixen. The Prince of Darkness has chosen her to be sexual demon...or a succubus. As the kinky Lorna tries to seduce her producer, Bill (Jack Taylor), she is pulled into a dream-like alternate reality. In this reality she is sent on several jaunts to seduce and to kill.
Lorna in this reality is all seductress and giving in to her will result in death...though it may be worth it. To come in contact with her is to be seduced...and consequently killed. She'll attend orgies and seek deviant sex. Her victims will be an admiral keen on word games and a beautiful blonde nymphomaniac (Nathalie Nort). After seduction, their souls are hers...or the devil's, I guess. Lorna isn't the succubus yet, however, these seduction/murders are a try-out and training. She does well and one wonders if the devil was really needed in order that she may seduce all that come into contact with her.
Will Lorna pass her try-out with the Prince of Darkness? Will anyone in Lorna's path survive her seduction? Does the very provocative exotic-dancer Lorna need any training from the Prince of Darkness, or is this just overkill? This is Jesus Franco at his best, so be warned. Steamy and deviant will carry this plot and the allure of Janine Reynaud dominates this film.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Invaders of the Lost Gold, Emanuelle Joins Jungle Expedition

Ah! The sultry Indonesian actress Laura Gemser has graced this blog many times. Her portrayal of Emanuelle in several films has found her in a lot of peril, raped, beat up, and always victorious. Today we take a look at 1982's "Invaders of the Lost Gold." Okay, technically she doesn't portray the exotic vixen Emanuelle in this film...but still, her portrayal of Maria is a similar character. There is a classic scene in which she and the nubile Janice (Glynis Barber) are chatting. Janice would like to have pre-marital sex with everyone on the expedition. Innocently, Emanuelle (Maria, in this film) mentions to the blonde babe that she has already had pre-marital sex with everyone...including Janice's dad! Classic.
A Japanese patrol at the end of WW2 hide a stash of gold deep in a jungle in the Philippines. Most of them are wiped out and chopped up by cannibals, but three survive. 36 years later, the evil Rex (Edmund Purdom) murders one of these survivors for the map and puts together an expedition to find it. A rich guy finances the mission but needs a good guide, Mark (Stuart Whitman). Mark isn't interested so the rich guy sends his daughter Janice to seduce him into accepting the gig...this works. Bad news, Mark and Rex are mortal enemies and both have vowed to kill each other.
The expedition begins...down a long river. Of course the crew begins dying mysteriously and cannibals and crocodiles follow them. Maria and Janice gab some more and Maria lets Janice know she and Mark had a lot of pre-marital sex in the past. Luckily for Janice, Maria gives Janice permission to seduce him. While Janice successfully beds Mark in the jungle, Maria goes skinny dipping. Yeah, yeah...the search for gold. Rex is determined to get all the gold for himself and the deaths continue...cobras, booby-traps, crocodiles, and mysterious poison arrows take their toll on this party. As Janice and Mark fall in love, it appears Maria's decision to skinny dip may have been ill-timed.
Will Emanuelle and Janice end up in a cat-fight...or love scene? Will Rex kill Mark, or vice-versa? Will anyone survive the cannibals or their own greed?  This is a much better film than "Raiders of the Lost Ark," as Laura Gemser is an infinitely more sultry and talented actress than Karen Allen. Though everyone involved in a skinny dipping scene in this blog dies horribly, we do pull for Emanuelle...though Janice might not.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Bait, Great White in Aisle 5...and 7....and 4

From Australia...2012's "Bait." A magnificent 3D shark epic as "Jaws" is meshed with "The Last Wave." This one has a lot more than both "Jaws" (prettier women) and "The Last Wave" (action). Just like we prepare for snow storms by stocking up on toilet paper, this picture is a warning to all of us to prepare for tsunamis next time we go grocery shopping. Great whites, great kills, great gore, and some great gratuitous shots of Sharni Vinson will have you ranking "Bait" above "Jaws" in your list of best shark films.
Let us skip the melodramatic backstory, even though it contained a great scene in which a great white devours a couple of peeps. Hunk Josh (Xavier Samuel) and babe Tina (Vinson) bump into each other in the supermarket. They split a year ago and Tina has a new boyfriend, Steven (Yuwu Qi...this is a Chinese phrase for short-timer). Josh has lost his lifeguard job and now works in the grocery store. Boom! A tsunami hits and the store is flooded and cut off from the rest of the world. Survivors congregate on tops of store shelves. Meanwhile in the parking garage the sultry Heather (Cariba Heine) and Kyle (Lincoln Lewis) are submerged in the gal's BMW. The sharks come quickly. A pair of 12 foot great whites start eating the corpses then focus on our survivors.
Josh and Tina...and Tina's new beau have also survived, and everyone tries to figure a plan to escape the now underwater market. The plans fail miserably as the sharks feast. Downstairs, Kyle and Heather better think fast as the man eater begins ramming her BMW. Does Josh have a shot at getting Tina back? Yes, because new beau Steven makes a shark cage out of grocery store baskets. Does anyone think that will work? Oh yeah...throw in a vicious gang of robbers, dangling electrical wires, and a few more surprises. Heroes are born from the ruins and now the survivors decide to fight back.
Is there any stupider idea in the world than going up against a great white in a shark cage made out of grocery store baskets? If successful in getting out of this mess, will Josh get his lifeguard job back, and/or Tina back? Is keeping Sharni Vinson wet all over a realistic plot device, or a mere gratuitous attempt to titillate movie going audiences? This is a good one and when you see it you'll ask yourself how you missed "Bait" in 3D when it first came out. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Scarecrows, Zombies of Straw

Creepy and haunting...I guess scarecrows should be. Unlike the lovable pal of Dorothy, 1988's "Scarecrows" will introduce us to a bunch of these things that resemble zombies more than jovial, dancing friends of the aforementioned Kansan.  Perhaps this film misses the top ten horror film list of the 1980s, but it does hold some scares and a most horrific ending.
A para-military gang pulls off a daring robbery at a U.S. Marine base. They get away after a raging gunfight with MPs and successfully commandeer an aircraft piloted by Al (David Campbell) and his lovely daughter Kellie (Victoria Christian). In a den of thieves can anyone be trusted? No! One of the thieves, Bert (B.J. Turner) pulls off a daring double-cross. He fakes a fire on the plane, grabs the loot, parachutes out, leaving a live grenade on board. By some miracle the grenade is neutralized and Al and Kellie are ordered to circle back. Now the ticked-off thieves, heavily armed, also parachute. They want their loot and they want Bert dead.
Poor Bert. He lands in a field occupied by some creepy zombies. Even worse, his former friends seek his head. After some spooky moments suggesting that this farm land is haunted, Bert is gutted and filled with straw by a zombie scarecrow. Meanwhile the plane lands and the beautiful thief Roxanne (Kristina Sanborn) marches Kellie to the field at gunpoint. The zombies begin toying with the gang and gut a couple of others. Once gutted (always with rusty blades), the thieves turn into undead scarecrows themselves. As the survivors hole up in a haunted farmhouse, it is apparent that the creatures seek to toy with them before moving in for the kill.
Will any of the thieves make it out alive? How about the nubile Kellie, does she stand a chance? Are these things merely seeking hearts...bloody, beating hearts? Many will be gutted and then there is the ending. No spoilers here, but the conclusion of this film is horrific and ominous. Directed by William Wesley and starring no one big, this is the type of film that will give you nightmares. Enjoy "Scarecrows," as this may be that one 1980s horror film that you and all your pals missed.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Monster From Green Hell, Giant Wasps vs. Nicotine

Once every century a film is made that touches the ethos of civilization. A film that cuts to what is really important to society and its peoples. A film that could be wrestled out of today's headlines, now or 50 years ago. Hence 1958's "Monster From Green Hell," the definitive giant wasp versus man epic.
Okay, forgive my melodramatic opening...I couldn't help myself. So here goes...Dr. Quent Brady (Jim Davis) smokes a lot, though the film isn't really about that. His partner is Dan Morgan (Robert Griffin). Together they send three rockets up into space filled with animals and insects. The goal is to see how these critters will behave in space, thus clearing the way for sending a man up. Bad news, Rocket number two crashes in Africa, once again citing an example of how western capitalist nations exploit and abuse the peaceful people of Third World nations. Now the area of Africa in which the crash occurred is subject to deadly phenomenon.  Poisoned watering holes, dead lions and other beasts, and whole villages filled with corpses. Missionary Dr. Lorentz (Vladimir Sokoloff) and his nubile daughter Lorna (Barbara Turner) run an aide hospital near the region.
Quent will smoke some more cigarettes and then grab Dan and head to the region. Meanwhile giant wasps attack and kill Africans and the beasts that prowl the jungle. As Dan and Quent arrive at the hospital, Quent smokes some more. Once there, the duo learn Dr. Lorentz is missing and Lorna throws herself at Quent in a cheap attempt to secure a love partner. Quent ignores Lorna's advances and smokes some more. Now Dan, Quent, Lorna, and some expendable Africans (they are like those crew members in 'Star Trek' that beamed down with Kirk and Spock) hike into the region where Dr. Lorentz disappeared. Uh oh...the wasps, measuring a good 40 feet in length, are waiting. Soon our merry safari, with Quent still smoking Camels, is surrounded and hunted by these behemoth monsters. Lorna keeps throwing herself at Quent in a cheap attempt for some carnal attention, but Quent, ever the professional...keeps smoking.
Will Lorna ever break through the proverbial Nicotine wall and earn some pre-marital sex with Quent? Will the wasps hone in on the odor of cigarette smoke and put the stone cold Quent out of his misery? Will the incompetent hunting party enable the monster bugs to overtake the dark continent? The monster effects are the highlight of this 1958 B movie, as the potential steamy relationship between the missionary daughter and the dolt scientist never fires up. For some fun bug horror from the 1950s, enjoy "Monster From Green Hell."

Friday, November 9, 2018

Shin Godzilla, Bureaucratic Red Tape and a Monster

After a much maligned Godzilla film from the U.S. underwhelmed audiences, Japan countered. Hence 2016's "Shin Godzilla." In one grouchy monster film, Japan will show that they are very similar to America and also resent America...perhaps because they have become us. Yeah, a horrific creature will kill thousands on its trek toward Tokyo, but our film today has a different villain...government bureaucracy. The most ghastly wisdom put forth in this epic is spoken by an aide in the Japanese cabinet, "...don't knock red is the foundation of democracy."
Our hero, a lowly aide in Japan's government, Yaguchi (Hiroki Hasegawa), doesn't understand this whole bureaucratic red tape thing. His mentors and bosses are amused by his ideology. Then a monster rises out of the harbor. It is a stupid looking thing, not even more menacing than Barney. Still, its size alone is fatal for many Japanese as it crawls toward Tokyo. The Japanese response? Evaluate public opinion...gauge the environmental regulations and how they may limit a response...examine treaties and the constitution to see if a response is allowed. Don't laugh...the Japanese constitution says the military can only be used against an armed attack...the creature isn't armed. I'm not kidding. The hesitation allows this silly dinosaur to grow into a ferocious 200 foot tall Godzilla.
Now Godzilla is no longer silly and cute. Enter the American State Department babe, Kayoko Ann Patterson (Satomi Ishihara)...and she is a babe. She will coordinate the U.S. assistance to Japan. Kayoko's priority? She wants to be U.S. president. You guessed it...with U.N. approval, the U.S. coerces Japan to allow them to nuke Godzilla. Godzilla has evolved into an organic nuclear weapon and incinerates half of Tokyo with one breath. But wait! Yaguchi assembles non-governmental nerds and heretics to figure out where Godzilla came from, what its made of...and how to kill it. With world governments bent on Godzilla's nuclear annihilation, Yaguchi will have to become a master manipulator and a herder of cats to save Japan and get his rag-tag band of nerds to figure out a way to kill the monster.
Will the idealist Yaguchi be able to kill Godzilla before an American submarine delivers the third nuclear strike against Japan? Will the sultry Kayoko emerge from the carnage with her political future intact? Is the government really the villain here? After all, red tape has benefits in protecting us all from lunatic legislation. it fair to say that our government Interesting, moody, and pessimistic, "Shin Godzilla" delivers a lot to think about. Libertarians and anarchists may see this as a great statement against government...even though this film merely implores us all to take a good look at what stares back at us in the mirror.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Night Call Nurses, White Clad Damsels in Much Peril

Our story opens at a psychiatric hospital. A beautiful blonde runs onto the roof of the asylum, strips off all her clothes and throws herself to her death. Hence Roger Corman's 1972 drive-in classic "Night Call Nurses" begins. Unlike nurses today, our protagonists are all sultry, and clad in white uniforms cut way too short. Perhaps this film is packed with important social commentary, but like the 1970s audiences who pulled into the drive-in, we will ignore Mr. Corman's treatment of social issues and just enjoy the sexploitation aspect of this film.
Technically this is a thriller. Three beautiful nurses, Barbara (Patty Byrne), Janis (Alana Stewart), and Sandra (Mittie Lawrence) toil in a psychiatric ward. Most of their patients are sexual deviants or nymphomaniac young women. Danger lurks. Our three nurses undress a lot and have much pre-marital sex. A rogue nurse spies on them, especially when they are in throes of sexual intercourse, and sends them notes scribbled in lipstick threatening to do all sorts of nasty deeds to them. Our nurses are not frightened as the pre-marital sex they are having isn't something they desire to give up. The blonde Janis will hook up with a LSD addict truck driver (Richard Young), Sandra will connect with a black-power convict, and Barbara will attach herself to a skydiver and her encounter-group therapist.
As the rogue nurse continues spying, she will witness our trio doing it in showers, in bed, and wherever they feel like it. Uh oh...the lovely Barbara, according to her therapist, may be a deviant and we then see her acting very strange. Sandra then gets involved with busting a convict out of prison. Janis? The blonde beauty eschews hooking a doctor and becomes head over heels over an addict. As our rogue nurse gets closer and grabs a machete, the ladies in white will be put in much peril, clothed and unclothed. The three look great in their white uniforms, but will these uniforms end up blood soaked?
This film works well as sexploitation and our the three nurses play to the camera impressively. Who is this rogue nurse? Could she be a jealous nurse, one of the boyfriends....or one of our beauties? Will those aforementioned white uniforms remain free of bloodstains? Will a 2018 audience look at "Night Call Nurses" as the definitive warning against big pharmacy's influence in health care and a call for more alluring nurses wearing more provocative wardrobes? This is Roger Corman fun...part horror thriller and a lot of sexploitation. For another guilty pleasure you won't speak of in polite company, see "Night Call Nurses."

Monday, November 5, 2018

Mosquito, Bug Chainsaw Massacre

Gunnar Hansen, who died in 2015, is one of the most iconic names in horror. Born in Iceland, this hulk of a man secured the role of Leatherface in the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Today we look at a 1994 film, "Mosquito," in which Mr. Hansen again picks up a huge chainsaw and causes much bugs. Sure, not one of his best films, but fans of Syfy Channel type films will love this one.
Skipping all the backstories of every character, let us begin. An alien spaceship crashes into a Michigan swamp. Mosquitoes feed on an alien corpse guessed it...turn into behemoth mosquitoes. These monsters kill everyone in the park including two campers having passionate pre-marital sex. The naked lady's (Margaret Gomoll) demise is very gratuitous. A handful of survivors are left to fight their way out of the park. Rookie park ranger Megan (Rachel Loiselle) and her hunk beau, Roy (Tim Lovelace) will be joined by idiotic ranger Hendricks (Ron Asheton), meteor hunter Parks (Steve Dixon), and bank-robber Earl (Hansen). These folks will start out on the run beset by hordes of giant bloodsuckers (perhaps a metaphor for the plight of the common man).
This dysfunctional team now escapes to an abandoned farmhouse as the plot will now resemble "Night of the Living Dead"...only with mosquitoes instead of zombies. Guess what! Earl finds a huge chainsaw and delivers the quote of the move, "I haven't handled one of these babies in 20 years...feels good." As the bloodsuckers attack...and of course breach the defenses, Earl fires up his chainsaw as the rest of the team comes up with a far-fetched plan.
Will Leatherface...I mean Earl...make furniture, clothes, and other accessories out of dead giant mosquitoes? Will Margaret Gomoll's very gory death from a very vulnerable position dissuade nubile teens and college students to forego pre-marital sex at campsites? Can our team save humanity from the monster horde that will inevitably head their way? The highlight of this Gary Jones film is the giant bugs and gore effects...sweet! For s great time, and a perfect opportunity to play MST3K, enjoy "Mosquito."

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Primal Rage, Even Bigfoot Needs Love

Foraging for berries, avoiding campers, and searching for DB Cooper's loot. The life of Bigfoot...or is it? That description of Sasquatch is so 1990s. 2018's "Primal Rage" gives us a slightly different take on the hairy beast. In this Patrick Magee film, Bigfoot's humanoid side is a bit more developed and he takes on some of the traits of whack-ball survivalist. An amorous whack-ball survivalist, I might add (much to the humiliation of the very pretty Casey Gagliardi).
After a year in the joint Max (Andrew Joseph Montgomery) gets out. His sultry wife Ashley (Gagliardi) picks him up. The two have some bad sex almost immediately and drive into the wilderness where their Jeep hits a schmuck. No surprise, the poor sap would've died anyway as he is all clawed up. A rock throwing Bigfoot then pelts Max with a rock sending him into a creek and Ashley saves him, but the two are miles downstream. They both end up naked (don't ask) and Sasquatch begins watching them. This is where our couple meets up with a bunch of malignant hunters who seek to rape Ashley. Outnumbered, Max will be powerless to stop them. Ah but wait, someone (or something) else desires carnal relations with Ashley, and it attacks.
Bigfoot is adept with bows and arrows and nails a few of the hunters. He'll go through most of these idiots like crap through a goose. By a small miracle, Max survives and is eventually revived by a monster medicine woman (Shannon Malone). Meanwhile Ashley is hauled to the creature's lair where he will...well, you'll see... Powerless to stop Bigfoot's advances, the humiliated Ashley now must think about escape and fight. Max will team up with a half-breed sheriff (Eloy Casados) who must get back in tune with his Indian heritage in order to size up exactly what their up against. This is a gory one and what will happen to Ashley is right out of a Roger Corman epic.
Exactly what is Bigfoot's ultimate plan for Ashley? Will Max and the sheriff be in time before Bigfoot does whatever he intends to do with Ashley? Does the #MeToo movement cover cryptozoological mysteries? This is a vicious Bigfoot film that isn't afraid to cross the line (please don't ask what line). Savage, brutal, and heartbreaking, the film will stay with you long after its conclusion. For some great Sasquatch horror which you won't be able to discuss in polite company, enjoy "Primal Rage."

Thursday, November 1, 2018

War of the Insects, Nuclear Genocide and Moral Insects

After World War 2 ended much animus festered between Americans and Japanese. They bombed Pearl Harbor and started a war, and we nuked them twice killing only innocents. They were inhuman monsters, and we grabbed innocent Japanese Americans from their homes, confiscated all their property and sent them to internment camps (...we dare not call them concentration camps). Then the Japanese made monster movies. Perhaps it was an attempt at healing. Godzilla films showed a conciliatory tone toward America while still preaching against the horror of nuclear weapons. Americans loved these films and perhaps in some small way, these monster epics helped bring two great peoples back together. Not all of the Japanese monster films were as magnanimous and peace seeking...hence 1968's "War of the Insects" (aka "Genocide").
Annabelle (Kathy Horan) is an angry and sultry bikini babe/mad scientist. She exists to seduce and destroy mankind. She hates mankind...full of war and hate. She has invented a new breed of insects that communicate with each other and attack to kill...they even bring down airplanes. No man can resist her and we'll see this. Enter Yukari (Emi Shindo), a pretty barmaid...every man in this film tries to rape her. She is married to the dolt George (Yusuke Kawazu), who after being seduced by Annabelle, helps her collect insects for her experiments. Meanwhile, Annabelle' bees bring down an American B-52, and most of the crew is killed by insects. The H-bomb on the aircraft is lost and a lone airman survives.
As the very pretty Yukari is continually molested by everyone, her husband is arrested by idiotic American military peeps for the murder of the crew members. The handsome and grouchy bug scientist Dr. Nagumo (Keisuko Sonoi) arrives to figure out what is going on with the island's bugs. He'll team up with the sultry Dr. Komuro (Reiko Hitomi) who looks great in a tight skirt and is only molested once in this film. Together they try to prove Yukari's husband's innocence and get to the secret of swarms of mysterious insects that are popping up all over the world. Annabelle then tortures the surviving crewman in hopes of finding the missing H-bomb as Soviet spies have joined her.
Will Annabelle end up in a cat-fight with the fair Yukari over George...or with the radiant Dr. Komuro? Will Annabelle's bees and the missing H-bomb spell doom for the planet? Just what is Annabelle's backstory which caused her to go mad-scientist instead of Sports Illustrated swimsuit model? Here's the warning...however ridiculous this film may appear for the first 70 minutes, what follows is a bleak, ominous, taboo, and horrific last 15 minutes. This won't be the feel good film of the post war era, and will not foster warm and fuzzy feelings between the aforementioned peoples. Nevertheless, the worst horrors of WW2 are exploited here which may show continued hostility toward the Japanese and Americans which no doubt existed in the late 1960s. For some very dark horror, enjoy "War of the Insects."