Honeymoon Horror, Brides and Grooms Shredded

A classic slasher plot device...hunks and babes having pre-marital sex and then get pureed by a maniac. Today's feature from 1982, "Honeymoon Horror," goes in a different direction. Our victims are still babes and hunks, but these victims will have engaged in intimate relations with the benefit of clergy (marital sex). Fear not, even among the marital class, gratuitous shower scenes and the proclivity of a babe to take an axe in the head are still present.  Directed by Harry Preston and filmed in Grapevine, Texas, let us delve into "Honeymoon Horror," a quirky and awkward horror film.

Elaine (Cheryl Black) is a beautiful but unfaithful wife. She lives isolated on an island with her husband Frank. One day Elaine sneaks into Vic (Bob Wagner) the maintenance guy's shack and begins to have extra-marital sex with him. Uh oh...Frank catches them and tries to kill Vic. Elaine, the vixen she is, then kills Frank. A fire ensues and she gets away with murder. Elaine and Vic then wed, have lots of marital sex, and lots of arguments. The homicidal duo open the island as a honeymoon haven and rent cabins out to recently married sorority girl newlyweds. Then the murders continue. When three sorority babes, Kelly, Robin,  and Jill (Jillian Raye) show up to decorate their sorority sisters' honeymoon cabins, they are all chopped to pieces by an unknown fiend.

With the trio of corpses out of sight, the three couples arrive. Three hunks and their babes. Someone or something in the nearby woods watches them. As the three couples engage in wedding night sex, Vic and Elaine now have marital relations. Linda (Leslie McKinley) will be the first bride to die horribly as she will be axed to pieces during a gratuitous shower scene. Clad in lingerie the remaining brides will be put in much peril as their clueless grooms will watch helplessly. Our fiend is quite adept with an axe and eventually the grooms will find the remains of Kelly, Robin, and Jill...as the newlywed vixens are alone in the main house with Elaine...and that is just where our monster heads.

Oh yes...I should mention the sheriff (Bill Pecchi). This guy provides some of the most awkward moments in law enforcement history. When this fat old guy starts thinking about skinny-dipping, you will yell at your TV "Nooooooo!!!!!" Just who is the maniac in the woods hunting down lingerie clad brides? Will Elaine pay for her murderous ways with an axe to the head? Might this film be used to advocate a movement back to pre-marital sex in film?  Gratuitous and gory with lots of lingerie clad damsels in much peril highlight "Honeymoon Horror." For some 1980s VHS quality fun, and guilty pleasure, see this slasher film and fast-forward through the scenes with the creepy sheriff.

DOA: Dead or Alive, Deadly Vixens in Peril

The sultry blonde (obviously just out of a hot shower) sits in a chair naked, covered only in a loosely draped on towel. Her antagonists sit across from her gawking and tormenting. They will arrest this jewel thief and she acts as if her gig is up. With a seductive glare she asks the detective if she can get dressed. He agrees, but no privacy will be afforded her. That's okay, the show she will put on momentarily deserves an audience. Another favor, the vixen asks the detective to hand her bra (black and lacy). He does, but carefully. The detective picks it up with the nub of his pistol and hands it to her. Still wet from a steamy shower, Christie's shiny, well shaven leg bolts up, kicks the man's hand and sends her bra and his gun skyward. The towel covering her is also sent flailing. With another kick she takes out the other cops. Christie reaches toward the heavens as her bra falls gently in place and her tormentor's gun ends up in her grip. Now armed the beauty tells the detective to "do me up." He snaps the back strap of the bra just before getting knocked out by Hong Kong's number one fugitive. Hence 2006's "DOA: Dead or Alive."

DOA is a martial arts contest with a $10 million prize attached. Only the best are invited and Christie (Holly Valance) has been invited. Also invited is Princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki). To attend, the sultry princess must leave her compound which would disgrace her family. Kasumi elects to go as her brother attended last year and has been missing ever since. Bad news for Kasumi, her purple-haired servant Ayane (Natassia Malthe) is now charged with pursuing her and killing her for dishonoring the clan. Next up...professional wrestler Tina (Jaime Pressly). When we first meet her she is destroying a band of pirates as she guzzles a Pabst Blue Ribbon while clad in a patriotic bikini. Yes! These three arrive at a remote island run by Donovan (Eric Roberts) and are pitted against competition immediately. Our three ladies all advance.

Ah, but wait. Christie not only wants to win the prize money, she also has her eyes on the well stocked vault. After all, she is a thief. Kasumi finds indications that her brother may still be alive and Donovan is fibbing about his fate. Oh yes, Ayane arrives and will engage in some well choreographed sword cat-fights with the princess. More intrigue, Tina will have to advance by fighting her dad, also a pro wrestler. Donovan has plans for these ladies and the three rivals will have to begin working together in order to survive a maniacal plan by the evil Donovan. Donovan's motives extend beyond promoting this competition as hints of world domination enter this ambitious plot. The women will also engage in gratuitous bikini volleyball, hot tub action, rose pedal baths, and pre-marital sex with sweaty male fighters.

Exploitation and schlock all the way, but that's fine. Scantily clad women with swords and plying their martial arts are plot devices we need to see more of. What did Donovan do to Kasumi's brother, and is he still alive? What plans does Donavan have for these three lovelies? Can these three warriors set aside their cat-fighting and work together to foil Donovan's fiendish plot? There is so much right about this film and don't forget about the purple-haired beauty that has invaded this plot. Directed by Corey Yuen, "DOA: Dead or Alive" is some neat 21st century exploitation.

Blood Beat, The Samurai Meets The Deer Hunter

Michael Cimino was once knows as one of the greatest directors in Hollywood. His "The Deer Hunter" cleaned up at the Academy Awards, even though he did what many couldn't do...make a war film boring. Then the bottom fell out on this over rated director, he wasted a lot of Hollywood's money with "Heaven's Gate." That was it...Cimino was then fired from his newest project, "Footloose" and today his name is barely mentioned in film talk. Today we look at a 1983 straight-to-VHS slasher film, "Blood Beat." Maybe not the cinematic achievement as "The Deer Hunter," but at least it has some action in it...and the ending isn't as stupid as Cimino's ending in the aforementioned war film turned sermon. So here we go with the best deer hunting and Samurai film ever emanating from Wisconsin.

Okay, from the "A Story That Demands To Be Told" Department, here is the plot. Cathy (Helen Benton) is a boring artist in rural Wisconsin. Her main squeeze, who she refuses to marry, is the ineffective deer hunter, Gary (Terry Brown). As Cathy paints some ghastly pictures and refuses to marry Gary, her kids come home from college for Christmas and some deer hunting. Dolly (Dana Day) is the attractive but loser daughter who is dropping out of college. Ted (James Fitzgibbons) is the son who has brought a girl home, Sarah (Claudia Peyton). Uh oh...Sarah and Cathy exchange the evil eyeball with each other. Psychic visions tell Cathy that Sarah is evil and psychic premonitions tell Sarah...well...you'll see.

Okay, director Fabrice Zaphiratos takes jumper cables to the plot. While deer hunting, Sarah ruins the hunt by scaring away a deer and getting some other hunter shot. Then the murders start. Some fiend with a Samurai sword starts gutting rednecks. Sarah has visions of these killings. Meanwhile, Cathy's paintings get really violent and strange as a Samurai spirit possesses her. Now the Samurai spirit has form and after killing a bickering and obnoxious couple, heads to Cathy's house to possess and kill. Oh yeah, Sarah finally concedes to pre-marital sex with Ted and while in the throes of passion, she has psychic visions of the killings. Now the monster Samurai warrior has arrived and Sarah and Cathy have a psychic battle that will decide the fate of all mankind...er...well maybe just everyone in the house.

What is the relationship of the Samurai ghost to Cathy...and to Sarah? Will the college drop-out Dolly and her good looks do anything useful to fight the fiend warrior? Will the ineffective deer hunters in rural Wisconsin lead to deer over population in that state? The second half of this film is wild and violent. The backstory of the ghost (which includes lost love and the atomic bomb...really) is heartwarming. For some 1980s slasher straight-to-VHS fun, go with this Japanese horror film that just happens to be set in deer hunting country in Wisconsin..."Blood Beat."

The Signal, They're Here...Whoever They Are

Yep...they're here, all right. No question about that. The big question is 'who?' Sure, all you schmucks from rural Utah, remote sections of Siberia, and Morristown, New Jersey won't find anything new about today's film, 2014's "The Signal." You folks are awaiting their next arrival...whoever 'they' are. For the rest of us, perhaps today's feature is a lesson that curiosity may have been integral in inventing the atomic bomb, but for the most part, asking questions can be more perilous than checking a fuse-box in a slasher film.

As our film begins we meet a very likable trio on a quest for answers and perhaps some revenge. Nic (Brenton Thwaites) is an M.I.T. student who walks with crutches. Haley (Olivia Cook) is his very cute main squeeze who adores him no matter what his handicap. Then there is Jonah (Beau Knapp), another M.I.T. computer genius. The trio are heading cross country following clues and signals in order to hunt the hacker that almost got them expelled from M.I.T. This hacker took down many of the university's servers and Nic and Jonah were blamed. Uh oh...indications suggest this hacker is luring them into a trap. This hacker displays that he can watch the trio even when they are in their hotel room or in traffic.

So what do Jonah and Nic plan to do when they find him? Perhaps they should have come up with a plan for this because when they reach the Nevada desert...someone (...or something) finds them. A flash of light, total confusion and Haley being sucked up into the sky...and all of a sudden the quest for revenge becomes the quest for more answers and survival. Enter Damon (Laurence Fishburne), a weird scientist in a HAZMAT suit. He is studying Nic in some underground laboratory manned by others in containment suits. Where are Haley and Jonah? You'll see...eventually. Underground lab? What is topside?

As Nic slowly gets his bearings back he realizes that he is changed. Has Damon and his crew saved Nic from some Alien invasion or other apocalypse? Or is Nic Damon's captive? Is Nic being nursed back to health or probed and experimented on? What of this hacker? Trust no one! This film which appears on Netflix is ambitious and answers all the questions posed above...and leaves you with bigger ones. For fans of science fiction and...well, no spoilers, this is one that will keep you guessing. Directed by William Eubank, "The Signal" will serve as a pleasant reminder for you to stop asking so many questions. 

Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, Hide the Fair Maidens

Vivien Leigh is thought to have landed the most coveted of all Hollywood roles, Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind." However, rivaling that cinematic coup is Simonetta Vitelli, landing the role of Krista in today's feature. I think we can say for certainty that no one takes a bath better than this Italian actress, or that no actress has used baths with more consequence than Ms. Vitelli. To avoid an overly gratuitous review, I will not mention her very gratuitous bath in a tub of warm milk...or her steamy bath with Count Frankenstein's daughter in which the two smear mud all over each other...or the steamy bath she takes as she is abducted by a neanderthal.  Nope, we'll keep this review free of sexploitation as we delve in to the Italian horror film from 1974, "Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks."

The nubile Krista (Vitelli) joins her nubile besty Maria Frankenstein (Christiane Royce) for holiday at Frankenstein's castle...what could go wrong? Count Frankenstein (Rossano Brazzi) falls in love with his daughter's blonde BF immediately. Krista will then spend a lot of time nude and in baths as she tries to seduce the Count. Oh...I should mention the Count has created a monster in his laboratory called Goliath (Loren Ewing), who will also fall in love with Krista. Oh yeah, I should also mention that a neanderthal prowls the nearby caves, his name is Ook (Boris Lugosi)...and yes, he will also fall in love with the bathing Krista. As luck has it, Krista has the same hobbies as her new beau, creating monsters from corpses...it beats scrap-booking.

Okay, as Krista begins helping the Count, the Count's perverted midget-helper Ginz (Michael Dunn) gropes female corpses and is sent packing. Ginz, by chance, meets Ook and he teaches him to abduct and rape fair maidens. The duo do this just fine but Ginz wants to up the risk factor. As Ginz heads back to the castle to abduct Maria Frankenstein, Ook finds Krista taking a bath.  This is when everything goes crazy and Goliath escapes from the lab and commences his own search for the bathing Krista.

Will the bathing Krista survive the advances of the monster and the neanderthal and wed Count Frankenstein? Will Maria be the humiliated object of Ginz' twisted revenge against the Count? Do Neanderthals and created monsters deserve love, too? Does bathing in warm milk really help our skin stay youthful looking? This Italian take on Frankenstein is filled with gratuitous bathing scenes and damsels in much distress. For a monster film Mary Shelley would have been proud of (okay, maybe not), see "Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks," directed by Dick Randall.   

Ticks, At Risk Youths At Risk

Some film roles just scream out for certain actors. Is there anyone more perfect for "Dirty Harry" than Clint Eastwood? Or how about Bela Lugosi as "Dracula"? Yep...and for Clint Howard? Nope, not a king, or a superhero, but a mad-scientist/marijuana farmer! The role of a lifetime...an actor's dream! This beats Vivien Leigh's 'Scarlett O'Hara.' In 1993's "Ticks," Clint Howard's mad scientist will start a chain of events that will serve as filmdom's best advocacy against marijuana.

Jarvis (Howard) is adding his own herbal steroid to his marijuana crop. Bad news, some of this gooey stuff leaks into the ground and is consumed by breeding ticks. You guessed it, the tick begin growing. Enter the perky Holly (Rosalind Allen) and her group of at risk youths. Holly brings at risk kids into the wilderness to teach them teamwork, morals, and other noble stuff. Holly also brings her main squeeze, Charles (Peter Scolari) for some pre-marital sex. The youths all have heartbreaking stories and agoraphobic Tyler (Seth Green) seems to be the one we care most about. Immediately the ticks find the kids like ticks find a dog...wait...never mind.  After Charles' daughter Melissa (Virginya Keehne) is attacked by one of these buggers, Tyler saves her. Her dad ignores her because he is merely interested in pre-marital sex with Holly.

Okay, more bad news. Jarvis steps in his own bear-trap (don't ask) and laying helpless on his laboratory floor is infested with giant ticks. Now one of the campers is also infected. On cue, some menacing pot farmers introduce themselves to the group and they are very threatening. These blokes kill the sheriff and aim to do the same to the invading youths and Holly. Their wrath will be interrupted as thousands of fist sized ticks converge and desire to get under everyone's skin. For the first time in his young life, Tyler steps up to be the hero as Holly and Charles are pretty incompetent and more interested in pre-marital sex. The little buggers that invade cause some very gory deaths and the fate of Jarvis will be most horrific. Oh yes, not all the monsters are fist-sized, there is one gargantuan creep that will come to life in a very grotesque scene.

Can the at risk youth in this film 'just say no' to the monster ticks? Will the heroic, but very youthful Tyler have what it takes to defeat thousands of monsters and save his new at risk pals...and the sex crazed Holly and Charles? Is it true that Clint Howard beat out Robert DeNiro for the role of Jarvis the mad-scientist in this feature? There are some great, horrific icky-creature scenes in "Ticks," and pay special attention to the scene with the visit to the veterinarian. Directed by Tony Randel, "Ticks" will get under your skin.

Literature Review: Crowley's Cult by Andrea Merchak

Eroticism and horror! What a combo! The two go together so well, but very few have matched the two up with any competence. Horror writers get the horror down fine and sometimes they add in a Rated R eroticism. Isn't Rated R enough, after all, we don't want a pornographic horror film? The art here is to have a shocking horror story that oozes out of every pore a heaping amount of allure, graphic sex, seduction, and a carnal pall that covers every page of the work. Hence Andrea Merchak's Crowley's Cult. Remember, the literal translation for orgasm is 'the little death.' Picture a Giallo film on steroids and you will begin to have an idea of this erotic-horror tale.

Okay, the death, destruction, and dismemberment won't be so little in this work. He's a brilliant artist...Zane...and a bi-sexual. Girls win (apparently) as he decides to marry Olivia, a sultry fashion model. Ms. Merchak's description of them seduces her readers and sends them to the showers. Then the weirdness invades big time! A secret invader wants Olivia gone. Is our seductress in mortal danger? The identity of this tormentor is a mystery to Zane but his or her messages get increasingly threatening and eventually Olivia will be assaulted. This sends Zane looking for a safer existence, enter Wes. Uh oh, Wes is also bi-sexual, and yes, he has motives for getting Zane to move into his apartment building. This building is a huge. Gothic, an a perfect setting for a cult filled with satanists who run the world.

Olivia is hesitant to move into this building but Zane is drawn there, seemingly supernaturally. There we meet our cult members and the allure and seduction continue. Everyone in this building is a threat to Olivia as all seem to want rough sex with Zane. Wes is all too happy to have his boyhood friend back. Back? Yep, Zane and Wes grew up in this building...a surprise to the ever threatened Olivia. Oh yes...Lex and Amanda. If you thought you needed a shower after Ms. Merchak introduced you to Olivia...well...you'll see. The sex is steamy and graphic, heterosexual and homosexual. The sex draws Zane deeper and deeper into the influence of the cult, but what do they have planned for him? Then the murder...a sacrificial right or passionate sex gone wrong? You'll see. As the eroticism builds, Olivia's well being comes into question.

As the blood flows and orgasms intensify, Zane is headed on a collision course with a destiny dripping with blood and some sort of pagan or satanic fate. The fates of Olivia and Zane will be shocking and have you eager to turn the page. Beware, these two mortals are part of something much greater than human existence and Andrea Merchak spells it out in a erotic horror story that moves fast, has spurting blood, steamy sex, and a very ambitious reveal. For some graphic horror that will arouse your fluids, order Crowley's Cult from Amazon by clicking this link.
 

Alien Factor 2: The Alien Rampage, Oriole Fans Die Horribly

The best movie maker to come out of Maryland has to be Don Dohler. With low budgets and a style similar to Roger Corman, Mr. Dohler has given us some great horror/science fiction epics. Some of you may remember  Nightbeast , which was reviewed on this blog in 2014, and 2001's "Alien Factor 2: The Alien Rampage" is the same type of film. With a local, but great looking cast, and lots of on location shooting (Havre de Grace, Maryland), this film will terrify Oriole fans everywhere, as they will all be killed by a dinosaur type creature with a laser.

FBI agents chase an alien (LauraLee O'Shell) who has just stolen a bunch of Uranium. They catch up to her, mortally wound her and reclaim the Uranium. Meanwhile in a sleepy Maryland town, where nothing is going on, the sultry Sheriff  Allison Smith (Donna Sherman) calls the bikini clad Deputy Julie (Shannon Bucci) back to work. Though nothing is going on yet, now we have two great looking cops in the film. Needing the Uranium to power the spaceship it arrived on, a dinosaur creature sets out to reclaim it. The alien ship, secreted in the woods, imposes some electronic force-field around town placing it in a time warp or black hole (...just go with that).

Now the attack begins. In searching for the Uranium, the beast attacks a biker gang, and sets its sight on town. Completely cut off from the rest of the world, Sheriff Allison orders all the townspeople to a local watering hole where they can watch the Orioles and drink beer. The unhappy creature then takes out a diner full of people, and our cops and a pair of newlyweds, David (Jonas Grey) and Lisa (Jaime Kalman) join the plot. David is a demolitions expert and will be utilized by Sheriff Allison in her plan to destroy the alien threat. Lisa? She's really good looking and screams well, and has a neat sun dress. Seemingly unstoppable, the nubile Sheriff Allison and Deputy Julie (no longer clad in a bikini) grab David and a bomb and head into the woods to find the ship. Meanwhile Lisa and another deputy wait in town not knowing the fiend is headed their way.

Will the statuesque Sheriff Allison and shapely Deputy Julie be able to save Maryland? Will the very perky and affectionate Lisa add anything to the plot other than her looks? Will the aliens decide to abduct any of the Marylanders for probing or breeding? The IMDB ratings of this film are awful, which is unfair as this is a far superior film than Spielberg's "Ready Player One." For some fun, especially if you are not an Oriole fan, enjoy "Alien Factor 2: The Alien Rampage."

Carnosaur 3:Primal Species, Cheerleader vs. T-Rex

Everyone's favorite Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, and former stewardess, Janet Gunn, is one of this blog's favorite actresses. The tall blonde is feisty, and when put in peril, fights back hard. Throw her in a Roger Corman flick and we have 1996's "Carnosaur 3: Primal Species." This film earned a 2.9/10 rating on IMDB, and according to the IMDB guide, a 2.9 is defined as "better than anything Mila Kunis has ever done." Given this is a Corman flick, will the sultry ex-cheerleader be impregnated by a reptilian beast?  We'll see.

An army convoy is attacked and terrorists steal a load of, what they believe is, Uranium.  Bad news for them...its not Uranium. Four carnosaurs (three raptors and one T-Rex) eat the terrorists, the responding cops and most of the army unit sent to recover the load.  The surviving army unit led by Col. Rance Higgins (Scott Valentine) are told not to kill the monsters, as they are part of an experiment that could save millions of lives...yeah right. Better yet, the geneticist heading the project sent to help is the sultry Dr. Hodges (Gunn). This doctor looks more like a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader than a geneticist, but this is a Roger Corman film.

Soon, the USMC will arrive to help out Col. Higgins' surviving soldiers.  There will be some nice looking female soldiers, but this is a Roger Corman film and they will all die horribly. As the monsters go through soldiers like crap through a goose, Dr. Hodges begins to see things Col. Higgins' way and agrees the fiends need to be killed.  Bad news, as the sultry Hodges examines a dead carnosaur, which the soldiers have killed, it re-animates and bites a marine's head off before escaping.  Now the fiends have nested aboard a ship and Hodges and surviving military follow along figuring they will kill them out at sea.

Are reptilian creatures impregnating NFL cheerleaders a plot device that Roger Corman might introduce to us?  Is the stunning Dr. Hodges slated for a fate worse than death at the hands of carnosaurs eager to reproduce?   Can Col. Higgins protect Dr. Hodges' virtue thereby keeping open the possibility of mating with her, himself? This is a fun one, and Janet Gunn always is worth watching (remember her from the USA TV show "Silk Stalkings").  For some dinosaur fun, less commercial than the "Jurassic Park" franchise, enjoy "Carnosaur 3: Primal Species."

The Psychic, A Peek Into the Future...Italian Style

Psychics get no respect. No one believes them. I guess it is fair to wonder why they never win the lottery or make it rich in Vegas picking World Series winners. In fairness to these misunderstood souls, seeing the future can be quite stressful. I maintain if we knew what would happen tomorrow, we would not get out of bed in the morning. When Lucio Fulci does a film about a very beautiful psychic, our view may change. Sure, picking fun at Jonathan Edwards of the Syfy Channel is fun, but as soon as a sultry damsel is in much peril, we get behind them. Hence 1977's "The Psychic."

18 years earlier Virginia (Jennifer O'Neill) saw her mother's gory suicide using her clairvoyance. Scarred and traumatized, the little girl grew into a beautiful woman and married an Italian nobleman, Francesco (Gianni Garko). Now happily married and quite rich, Virginia has another vision. She sees a murder.  Bad news for our psychic, the murder took place at her husband's villa and she leads police to the skeletal remains secreted in the wall. More bad news...Francesco had a one night stand with the deceased five years earlier...he'll be arrested. Now Virginia attempts to clear her husband's name by figuring out who the killer was.

As Virginia pieces together more clues from her vision, it becomes apparent she may be in danger. After all, if her husband is not the killer, the real killer might not want her to solve the mystery. More bad news for Virginia...lab results and forensics indicate many of the details of her vision were wrong. Indignant to science and police competence, Virginia doubles down on her efforts. Only her handsome parapsychologist, Luca (Marc Porel), believes her. Double uh oh...indications suggest Virginia's vision may not have been the murder that produced a dead body in the walls of her husband's villa, but a vision of a murder that hasn't happened yet?

Who is the dead woman found in the walls of Francesco's villa? Who will be the dead girl walled into the villa if Virginia's vision is a peek into the future? Is it even possible that two murders within a few years would yield a secreted body in the same place? Interesting and seeping with irony, "The Psychic" is weird and twisted. As Virginia delves deeper and deeper into the mystery, we see her enveloped into bloody peril. For some nice Giallo, enjoy Lucio Fulci's "The Psychic."

The Redwood Massacre, Dismemberment and Cannibalism Galore

Fans of the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974) will notice many similar plot devices in 2014's "The Redwood Massacre." The 1974 classic, oddly enough, had very little blood in it as much of the carnage was suggested or in the shadows. Our feature today doesn't follow this style, there will be a lot of blood and gore and not much will be merely suggested. Perhaps this is why the elite reviewers of IMDB have given this horror film from Scotland a 3.3/10 rating.

Critics of this bloody slasher film will point out that there is nothing new here and the acting is poor. Oh really! Like the new "Wonder Woman" film which everyone is going gaga over offers anything even remotely interesting and new, or contains any acting of any competence! Please! The classic slasher plot always has utility in a box office age in which superhero films get a pass by critics in every category. Okay, six campers come up with a bright idea to go camping at the site of the Redwood farmhouse. 20 years ago a farmer hacked to death his family with an axe and ate them. Uh oh, someone is in the woods, with an axe, collecting campers, bringing them back to that farmhouse and...well...you'll see.

When Bruce (Mark Wood), Jessica (Rebecca Wilkie), and Mark (Adam Coutte) are abducted by an axe-wielding fiend, it is apparent that something survived the massacre 20 years ago...but who or what? Pamela (Lisa Cameron) and the grouchy and mouthy Kirsty (Lisa Livingstone) now search for their missing friends. Meanwhile in the farmhouse, the fiend has chained up his prisoners and one by one...well, you'll see, but the trio is in store for fates worse than death. Not getting the memo of what not to do in a slasher film, our two surviving campers make their way to the farmhouse, make lots of noise and annoy the monster. On cue, our butcher pursues these two. Pamela seems the most adept at staying alive, but her run in with the hulking figure will be quite bloody, but not fatal. Now our cannibal has a foe which may offer some fight, and puts Pamela on the menu.

Will Pamela survive and be able to save any of her worthless friends? What are the details of the farmhouse massacre 20 years ago, and what might have survived it? Does our axe-fiend have special plans for the super-annoying Kirsty? Gory to the max, and many of you will turn your heads or avert your eyes as the fiend goes to work on the campers. Directed by David Ryan Keith, "The Redwood Massacre" may be cookie-cutter, but the ending is quite biting and refreshing. Look at the low rating on IMDB as a badge of honor, and find "The Redwood Massacre."

The Manster, Japan's Revenge

December 7, 1941, a day that would live in infamy. Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, looking for an excuse to go to war, had one. Roosevelt would imprison Japanese-Americans and begin a campaign that would destroy the Land of the Rising Sun. After he did that, his successor (President Truman) dropped two atomic bombs on them and sent in General Douglas MacArthur to Tokyo to supervise reconstruction. Japan would exact a modest amount of revenge in economic form in the decades to come. The recovering Asian empire had one more ace up its sleeve, a mad-scientist looking to create evolution, hence 1959's "The Manster."

Like many of us, Dr. Suzuki (Tetsu Nakamura) has cages of his failed experiments in his mountaintop laboratory. After one escapes and tears apart a bunch of Geisha girls, he puts it out of its misery. Enter obnoxious American reporter Larry (Peter Dyneley). Larry seeks to do a story on this mad-scientist, who in-turn has plans for Larry. The plan is two pronged. 1) Inject him with a serum that will turn him into a monster. 2) Set his lovely assistant/seductress Tara (Terri Zimmern) on him. Both are done in short order and Tara will seduce him in order to foster Larry's animal instincts. Larry's metamorphosis is quick and his lovely wife, Linda (Jane Hylton) arrives in Tokyo to wrestle him back from Tara.

As Linda sets her mind to war in order to win back her husband from the seductress, Larry begins a homicidal spree. Monks and beautiful Japanese ladies fall like flies as the monster that used to be Larry terrorizes Tokyo. Uh oh, the transition isn't just mental, Larry grows another head...the head of a monster. Now two-headed, both Tara and Linda will be in mortal danger. As the killings continue, the Tokyo police get involved and Dr. Suzuki is ready for the terrifying final phase of his experiment. Oh yeah, remember those failed experiments in Suzuki's lab? We learn the grotesque history of who they are...or I should say, who they were.

Will Tara and Linda have time for a cat-fight before their inevitable run in with the two-headed fiend? Just what is that final phase of Suzuki's experiment? Will the Eisenhower Administration use Suzuki's evil experiments as a reason to imprison more Japanese Americans or drop another bomb on Japan? Perhaps the best film ever about post World War 2 Japan and its reformation, "The Manster" is a classic horror/mad-scientist tale. With a wild ending, this American/Japanese effort is a lot of fun and an important film for all World War 2 historians.

The Rage, Hurry Up and Get Out!

Ever wonder what went on in 'The Hive' just after the T-Virus spread? Fans of the original "Resident Evil" film will know what I'm talking about. Now, thanks to writer, producer, and director Joshua Cleave and his Go Pro, we may have the answer. Filmed entirely with a Go Pro and for a budget of about 100 Pounds, we have the nine minute film "The Rage" (2017). I was eager to see this film as the sequel is due out shortly.

Losing keys? Sure. Misplace a wallet? We've all done it and lived. Too much salt in a recipe? The world won't end with this common culinary snafu. A test-tube mishap in a secret bio-chemical lab? Ouch! Nope, that's a mistake one cannot make. When Terry (Noel Ross) has this accident, he'll be turned into a raging, flesh-eating maniac. This misstep will have heavy consequence for fellow scientist Joe (Christian Greenway), as he is in the lab with Terry. Quarantine procedures are put into effect but Joe's desire to live outweighs all standard protocols. Unfortunately for all the other employees of Bio-Energy Corp.,  Joe does survive, gets out of the locked-down facility, and tries to save the world. Of course, our hero isn't the only one to get out of the affected lab, and all Hell will break loose.

Is Joe capable of saving anyone at Bio-Energy Corp? May Joe's hurried escape doom the entire building? Will Terry's metamorphosis repeat  in the other employees? Fast-paced and panic stricken, this Go Pro creation is horrific and exciting. I am eager to see Joshua Cleave's sequel, already titled "The Rage 2." Remember when Alice stepped out of 'The Hive' and into Raccoon City? We'll see what awaits Joe in a sequel that is sure to have a larger budget than the original. 
Speaking of the sequel, to be a part of it click on this link The Rage 2 Crowdfunding
The Rage 2 on Twitter Rage 2 Twitter

Hayride, Halloween Carnage

A chainsaw, machete, sledgehammer, bear-traps, and pitchfork all help make 2012's "Hayride" a noble slasher film. Dozens will be sliced up and and a nubile damsel will be put in much distress...there is something so right about this type of film-making. Okay, maybe this effort isn't entirely original, but it beats the ambitious plots of the box-office garbage like "Jupiter Ascending" or "Ready Player One." Original isn't always good, and cookie-cutter isn't always bad, especially if the cookie-cutter also happens to puncture jugular veins.

The nubile Amanda (Sherri Eakin), a college gal, joins her very hunk BF, Steven (Jeremy Ivy), as they visit his Uncle Morgan deep in Alabama. Morgan (Richard Tyson) goes all out on his farm for Halloween, creating a detailed haunted house in his barn and a haunted hayride. Uh oh, serial killer Guffin (Shannon Box), who killed six young girls, escapes and heads toward the farm. After killing just about every cop in south Alabama, our fiend steals a mask and readies himself for the haunted hayride, unbeknownst to the paying customers. Morgan tells enough campfire stories of maniacs with pitchforks and murder in their hearts to set the mood.

After murdering many of the hayride volunteers, including a Jason Voorhees look-a-like, Guffin arms himself with all the previously mentioned weapons. He will kill dozens and is very adept with the chainsaw and sledgehammer. Uh oh again, he spies the very sweet Amanda and wants her. Now he is double-tasked, kill everyone and grab Amanda to....to...well, probably rape her and impregnate her, I guess. Amanda for Halloween is a cheerleader and her sickeningly sweet  BF Steven will have to get mean in order to save her. As the beautiful and handsome fall in bloody heaps, Guffin seems unstoppable.

Will the very sweet Amanda, who won't engage in pre-marital sex in this film, be soiled by the slasher-monster? Is our serial killer fiend mortal or is he an updated version of Jason or Michael Myers? What surprises are in store for us as this film concludes...and there will be some?  A lot of kills, and impalement highlight "Hayride," directed by Terron R. Parsons. If you long for the days when a new "Friday the 13th" film came out every year or so, enjoy this slasher film which will have double the kills of each of those Jason films.

KiLLR, Bang Bang You're Dead

Oh so sweet. Young love. They say they love each other, but the look in their eyes tells us they are too young to know what real love is. Too late, a mistake was made and she (Davia Blair) is pregnant. No matter, he (Zorey Anderson) will do what's right and make it work. The look of tenderness and responsibility in his eyes suggest that he just may make it work. Now a little one on the way, our thoughtful boyfriend is becoming a man. BANG BANG!!! They're all dead...the boyfriend, girlfriend...and unborn baby...triple homicide. Hence s short (16 minutes) crime thriller from Joseph Sorrentino, Jr. and Lisa Sorrentino.

The killings continue, all without warning. The victims never saw it coming. A shot to the head and a life ended. No motive, no connection of the victims, just an apparent random string of killings. Suspects? To the frustration of the sheriff (David R. Clayton), there are none. Whoever is doing these murders is in control. We'll meet John (Shawn Shillingford) and his very sweet main squeeze, Becky (Searra Sawka). Becky is very attractive and every man's dream. Uh oh, will this spell her doom? As John worries about the sudden rise in homicides in his neighborhood, he wonders if he needs to move in order to keep him and Becky safe. With no opposition from law enforcement, or the beset community, our unknown killer will force the issue and John and Becky will no longer have the luxury of being bystanders in the most vicious crime story to hit Pennsylvania.

Who is our homicidal maniac? Is Becky too beautiful to die? Will anyone survive this 16 minute short? The identity of the killer is, of course, an important part of this story, but not the central theme. You'll come away from "KiLLR" scared at the potential hold true evil can have on our lives. We see in this Joseph Sorrentino, Jr. film that if evil decides, it can rule to roost as long as it desires. No one is safe, and perhaps that is a story we've all seen play out in our own communities time and time again. For more information about this short, click on below listed links:
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They Saved Hitler's Brain, The Evil Twerp Returns

Ira Levin's "The Boys from Brazil" is my favorite horror yarn that dramatizes the return of Adolph Hitler.  This blog has delved into this theme too with my 2014 review of Nazis at the Center of the Earth . Anything Hitler is easy fodder for horror stories.  The civilized world has found it therapeutic to not only defeat this murderous thug, but also humiliate him in film.  Most recently, Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" did this in a very brutal re-telling of the end of World War 2. Today we examine 1968's "They Saved Hitler's Brain."

Our feature today runs 92 minutes.  This is significant because the portion of the film we are interested in runs only an hour.  In the early 60s, a neat film called "Madmen of Mandoras" told the story of Nazis fleeing to South America with Hitler's head to resurrect the Third Reich.  To fit this film in a two hour block on TV, portions of a dull 1970s film were added to the beginning of 'Madmen' and the film was re-titled "They Saved Hitler's Brain."  Ignoring the first 30 minutes of this epic, we begin when Phil (Walter Stocker) and his wife, the beautiful Kathy (Audrey Caire) arrive in Mandoras to find a kidnapped chemist and his daughter.  Once there they are harassed and abducted by German Nazis, who have taken over the country.

After Phil and Kathy are grabbed they are brought to the presidential palace, turned Nazi lab.  At this lab, Hitler's head, in a glass jar, barks out orders, yells a lot, and begins a plan for Mandoras to conquer the world with poison gas bombs.  Phil and Kathy must escape and foil this plan before the gas bombs are released on all major cities.  Fortunately for our very cute couple, the police chief of Mandoras (Nestor Paiva) emerges as an ally.  As the Nazis start murdering anyone in their way, our trio of good guys springs into action.  No spoilers here, but if you, like me, detest Hitler, the ending will warm your heart...even more than the aforementioned Tarantino film.

Cheesy and campy, "They Saved Hitler's Brain" is still a fun B movie. Major pieces of the plot were utilized in "Nazis at the Center of the Earth." Damsels in much distress, handsome hunks barely able to help them, and blonde blue-eyed villains that are easy to hate are the strengths of this film.  For pure fun with a bit of horror and science fiction, see "They Saved Hitler's Brain."

Clearwater, Serial Killers Never Go Away

It would be rude to call "Clearwater" a film about a serial killer. I guess that's what it is, but a big tip of the hat has to be made to the victims. Wherever a psychopath lurks in these films, beautiful damsels tend to fall, hence the great work by Carissa Becker and Julie Wand. They weren't just victims...nope...they were tortured, humiliated, and their acting was so real. Heartbreaking and hard to watch, when the victims in these movies are, or seem, like real people, we the viewer pay more attention and to some extent, feel pain. Made over 15 years ago by Andy Koontz, "Clearwater" is horrific and likely to leave its mark on anyone who watches.

This horror short runs 35 minutes but will affect you more than any 90 minute feature.  Filmed in gritty black and white, the film opens as a beautiful woman wakes up naked and tied up in the attic of an abandoned house. Enter our killer (Koontz)...with a hammer. The abductee's screams grab our spine as this isn't just an actress we're watching, Becker's portrayal makes us forget we are watching a movie. What will be done to her will be brutal and extreme and hard to watch. See, girls are disappearing again. Is the Clearwater Killer back? He killed 40 before mysteriously going away. Whether this is the Clearwater Killer or just an evil sort with that fiend's spirit will be of little consequence to Melissa (Ward).

In the same house as abductee #1 met her demise, Melissa is deposited after becoming abductee #2. As tortuous as her predecessor's demise was, Melissa will face infinitely more torment and pain. She will also be introduced to the killer's entire spectrum of madness and sadism. Our killer isn't just after blood and control, he has another, more haunting motive. Enter Jonathan (Randy Bowden). He is Melissa's main squeeze and what he will be put through will link him to our killer, and Melissa, in a way that will play with his sanity for eternity. As our devil works on Melissa, you will avert your eyes from the screen and pray that her death is quick...it won't be. As Melissa is victimized in so many inhuman ways, Jonathan will be put through an ordeal all for the purpose of giving our killer...well...you'll see.

Rest assured the ending of this horror short won't make it easy for you to sleep at night. What is the killer's motive? What is in store for Melissa? Andy Koontz' masterful direction and the work of these two actresses make "Clearwater" a horror story that will stay with you. There won't be any comic relief, or pauses in intensity, just 35 minutes of painful and gory horror that will chill you and break your heart at times.
This film can be seen on Opprime.TV

The Vampire's Coffin, Mexico after Midnight

Ariadna Welter is a fine Mexican actress, and in 1958's "The Vampire's Coffin," she turns in one of the finest scream-queen performances you will ever see.  Directed by Fernando Mendez, this is one of the best international version's of Dracula, tweaked to accommodate Mexican cinema.  Complete with foggy graveyards, long dark and shadowy hallways, abandoned and ominous city streets, plus a dramatic and heavy spooky score, this film is a sleeper of vampire classics. In this film, as a nurse, Ms. Welter is an angel in white in much peril from our toothy fiend.  As she returns to her career in the theater, she will finish the movie clad as a jungle goddess who may be doomed to be a vampire bride.

Many years ago, Count Lavud unsuccessfully tried to make Marta (Welter) his bride.  For his unsuccessful efforts, our suave vampire got a stake in the heart.  Some bad decisions lead to Doctor Mendoza (Guillermo Oreo) stealing the coffin from an old cemetery. The grave robber (Yerye Beirute) removes the stake from the fiend, and now Count Lavud has another opportunity to make Marta his betrothed.  Doctor Enrique Saldivar (Abel Salazar, who also produced this work) saved Marta the first time, and now he must protect his pretty nurse from the current danger.  Dr. Mendoza brought the vampire back to the hospital to experiment on, but these types of experiments rarely work out well. Now Count Lavud is determined to have Marta....but it will have to be over Dr. Saldivar's dead (...or drained) body.

As the body count rises, and Marta is put under the Count's spell, Saldivar can't convince anyone a vampire is loose in his hospital. Valiently Saldivar thwarts the vampire's best efforts, but Lavud is getting stronger and more clever.  As Marta reports to the theater for her return as an actress/dancer, the Count begins to feed on actresses on his way to Marta's jugular.  As our damsel debuts as a jungle princess, manhandled by natives on stage, Lavud plots her abduction and his evil marriage ceremony to her.  The heroic Saldivar must put his life on the line, not only from Lavud, but from Lavud's evil servant in order to save Marta.

The last 15 minutes is a wild ride and will remind you of the action and music in those old Saturday matinee serials.  Lots of cliffhanger type stunts concerning fangs, guillotines, torture devices, death defying fights, spears, and iron maidens are all packed into those last few minutes.  As saving Marta from an eternity of vampire wife-dom seems remote, Dr. Salvidar will risk everything to see that doesn't happen. Enjoy the scares and thrills of "The Vampire's Coffin.".