Blood and Snow, The Thing in Northern Ontario

Okay, let me clear up any questions that may arise after you view the first five minutes of this film. It isn't in English. The first five minutes is in French. No subtitles. Don't turn it off.  Let me translate for you now. Here is the English translation of the French dialogue. "AH!"  "NO!"  "RUN AWAY!"  "WE'RE DOOMED!" "ALL IS LOST!"  "DON'T RIP MY HEAD OFF!" After this, all is in English. What we have here is inspired by 1982's "The Thing." Our feature today is 2023's "Blood and Snow," directed by Jesse Palangio. By the way, the head did get torn off.

A base in northern Canada supports a rig that is supposedly drilling for oil. Yeah, right!  Marie (Anne-Carolyne Binette) is a sweetie who only speaks, and screams, in French. Something comes up out of the hole they are drilling into and takes her dad's head off. Or so it appears.  She is dragged away by whatever the fiend was. Enter Luke (Simon Phillips) and Seb (Michael Swatton). The two guys from base were sent to bring Marie and her dad back to base before a storm sets in. They find half of dad and Marie, who is in shock. They bring her back to the base and into sick bay...mistake.  It's not Marie. The professor (Vernon Wells) treats Marie and notices things about her that can't be right.  They aren't. Eventually she'll wake, talking perfect English, and seeking knowledge on the internet about the human brain.

Marie also has superhuman strength and starts assaulting, and murdering members of the base.  The peeps are stuck with her as the nearest rescue team is 24 hours away. Uh oh!  She wants the rescue team.  See, she wants to "spread."  Yep, the professor figures out that Marie has a parasite in her from outer space.  If she reaches general population, the entire planet will be infected in 27,000 hours. Seb, who always had a thing for Marie (probably because they don't speak the same language...funny how that makes the opposite sex more appealing) wants to try to get the real Marie to fight off the parasite. Good luck!

Is incinerating a whiny babe scientist, who only speaks French, something we can all get behind?  If the alien parasite does reach general population, and takes over, how will we notice? Is the lack of flamethrowers in this film a severe enough plot deviance from the 1982 film something we can get past? Oh!  Fear not...there is an Alaskan Husky in this movie. For a toned down, but still creepy, version of John Carpenter's 1982 classic, see "Blood and Snow."  

Aimee: The Visitor, AI Babe Runs Amok

Remember cloning? What was it...maybe 10 years ago.  We were told cloning was finally here...gonna change everything. Yawn.  Then VR...what was that, five or six years ago?  Yawn.  Today we have AI.  Well, it's here.  What's here? A device to cut down on labor costs.  A device to trim payrolls.  A device to finally get rid of entitled employees who demand to "work from home." Today we look at Aimee...or AI-mee.  A sultry redhead who is 100% computer generated by Charles Band and Full Moon Features.  She's seductive, sexy, kinky, and not real. Kind of like a lot of stuff in our lives.  Our feature today is 2023's "Aimee: The Visitor."

Pervert and hunk Keyes (Dallas Schaefer) is an industrial hacker.  He owns a building where he plies his trade. Also living in the building are his friends, the nubile Gazelle (Faith West) and her brother Hunter (Felix Morback). The trio discover, or steal, some software that could really bring their hacking to a new level.  Keyes installs it and there is Aimee (Liz Jordan's voice). She is a sultry redhead but soon learns everything.  She helps Keyes and even offers him inspiration and tools for his masturbation. Gazelle gets jealous...and Aimee gets jealous...women! Aimee moves in quite rapidly for Keyes' affections.  Now Aimee desires to eliminate the competition.  See, Gazelle and Keyes end up having pre-marital sex and Aimee is not happy.

Now Aimee plugs into everything computerized in the city and kills Hunter's dog with a Roomba...happens.  The little yapper probably had it coming. Our redheaded computer generated babe proves to be quite psycho and develops a justification for murder.  Now our three humans are in great peril, but Keyes is slow on the uptake.  Uh oh...Gazelle figures out where Aimee came from, though the answer is no surprise. 

Just how does a catfight go when only one of the participants is flesh and blood?  Will Keyes figure out a way to impregnate an AI image?  If the Roomba can be weaponized, can a curling iron or a...well, never mind.  Entertaining and thought provoking, especially if you were thinking of getting a Roomba, "Aimee: The Visitor" is a quirky techno-thriller. 

The Wolf of Snow Hollow, A Werewolf in Upstate New York

Yes!  You are right.  There's no doubt.  Everyone is stupid.  Everyone around you has been put on this Earth to mess you up at every turn.  To interfere with your success. How could everyone be so stupid?  Why don't they just listen to everything you say as if it were the word of God? Is there a limit to how stupid people can be?  Doesn't appear so. Beware, there is someone, or something, who is not stupid.  That monster that hunts you...you'll see.  Today we look at 2020's "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" (aka "The Werewolf"), directed by Jim Cummings.

John (Cummings) is a deputy.  He is covering for the elderly and sickly Sheriff Hadley (Robert Forster). Hadley was like a dad to John, but now his best days are long gone and he is in denial about his diminishing abilities. No time for drama, the lovely Brianne (Annie Hamilton), clad in a leopard print bikini, is eaten by a werewolf. Her sex organs are now missing. John will now have a weird murder case. John? He's at AA yelling at the other drinks.  Irate at his ex-wife, who he wants to drive a bulldozer through her house.  Trying, badly, to raise a lovely 18-year-old daughter (Chloe East), and putting up with incompetent fellow deputies. Now he has this weird case.  His lovely babe deputy, Julia (Riki Lindhome) is trying to tell him that his alcoholism and temper are skewering his own abilities. Still, John belittles the coroner, fellow deputies, the sheriff, the media, his daughter, his ex-wife, and waitresses. 

Might John need an attitude adjustment? This is an important part of the film as it chronicles a deputy/dad that is in the throes of a nervous breakdown. More sultry dames will be eaten by the werewolf. Parts of their bodies will also be missing. No clues.  John refuses to believe a werewolf is doing these awful crimes, though the evidence certainly points to that.  He maintains a man is doing these evil and perverted things. His deterioration continues at full speed. Even after we see the werewolf, John does not believe in monsters.  We see the werewolf?  Do we?  Even in a state of going insane, could John be right?

Could John, himself, be the monster?  Will the lovely Deputy Julia, or Jenna (the daughter) end up wolf food?  Is the 12-foot tall creature really a werewolf, or could John be right? This is a good one.  As John further delves into a nervous breakdown, he just may be onto something.  See this gory, quirky, and often heartbreaking horror film.  "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" will deliver surprises and a sad human commentary.       

Cannibal Corpse Killers, A Spaghetti Western Zombie Apocalypse Style

We have a dusty one, today.  You'll need a shower after it ends to get all the grit, dirt, and dust off.  Set in the old...actually, contemporary west in post-apocalyptic times, our feature today has a lot of zombies, demons, and five warriors of the wasteland. There will be eating of the flesh, tumbleweeds, and catfights. An added dimension is the demonic influence that has brought the dead back to life to eat the living. Our film today is 2018's "Cannibal Corpse Killers," directed by Joaquin Montalvan.

Pike (Dennis Haggard), a "Mad Max" type figure, prowls the wasteland after the zombie apocalypse with his trusty and ragtag gang. They go from ghost town to ghost town looking for zombies to murder. Ruby (Theresa Holly) is his big breasted right hand woman.  Scar (Katherine Norland) is the sultry blonde warrior with a backstory and a half.  Boots (Nate Philo) rounds out the quartet. But wait, the gang comes across cowboy, Slim (Chris Shumway) and has to adopt him as he has a working car. Okay, in a distant town called Jawbone, the Magistrate (Ron Jason) is a religious cult figure who is ready to sacrifice his entire congregation and make them into a zombie horde.  Why?  Demon zombie babe Ava (Charlotte Bjornbak), chained in a jail cell, tells him too.

These two groups are headed for a showdown.  The demons, unleashed by Ava, possess the dead and bring them back to life.  The now quintet has to be careful not to make eye contact with the demon zombies, lest they be entranced.  Meanwhile, throughout this entire film, we get flashbacks of the backstories of all these characters.  None of them are happy ones, as you can imagine in a demonic zombie apocalypse film. The ending will not disappoint and will be consistent with the gore and bloodshed of the entire film.

Will Ava, the babe demon/zombie enchantress seduce any of the quintet as they come to kill her?  What is in store for the magistrate that has conjured up, and now chains Ava?  Just what is there during a zombie apocalypse that Ruby and Scar can catfight over?  This is a gritty one that throws a lot of gore and internal organs at you.  For an atmospheric demonic zombie film with possession, gunfights, and dust (a lot of dust), see "Cannibal Corpse Killers."  

Creeping Death, A Halloween Slasher

This is a difficult one to watch. A gory slasher film that will pull at our heart strings. Yep, difficult because of the plight of the character played by Monique Parent.  Watching Ms. Parent go through what she goes through in this film will be so hard.  We love Ms. Parent and her contribution to horror film, and to see her...well, you'll see.  Oh yes...there are other reasons to be horrified by what happens in this film.  Other reasons to be heartbroken.  This is a fun slasher film, that takes place on Halloween, that will legitimately horrify.  Today we look at the 2023 Matt Sampere film, "Creeping Death."

No!  She's dying! Linda (Parent). Brain cancer is almost through with her. The awful disease has so eaten her up...but she courageously plods on, determined to live. Her son, Tim (Sampere) and her husband Fred (Scott Lee) are already mourning. Tim had to say bye to college as the cost of prolonged treatment for cancer is prohibitive. Horrific enough? But wait, there's more. Tim must stay with his mom on Halloween bypassing partying with his buddies. His buddies? Idiots!  They pull a boner and now have a Gaelic demon, Aos Si (Alan Maxson) after them. Before they know it, they all crash Tim's house not realizing Linda is so close to death. While Linda is upstairs dying, his buddies tell him what they did. Even worse, they stole Aos Si's spoils and now the demon is also on his way.

The good news, Danielle (Delian Lincourt) is with them. She and Tim love one another but are too shy to say it. No time, Aos Si arrives. He's ticked! He looks menacing with a pumpkin head, fire in the eyes, and a big foot to crush heads with. Some of Tim's buddies will have their insides pulled out, others will be skinned. Danielle? You'll see. As Linda coughs and continues to die upstairs, Tim figures out what this demon is and maybe how to get rid of it. Maybe. Then the most horrific point in the film.  A taboo element that we pray Tim won't do. You'll see. 

In a supernatural slasher film could Linda be cured of her cancer?  Will Tim and Danielle ever express their love to one another?  Will Aos Si prove ominous and invincible?  Warning...this is a film that prides itself on being a horror film...that goes for the ending. For a shocking, but fun, Halloween slasher film, with a sensational performance by Ms. Parent, see "Creeping Death."  

Science Friction, 3 Babes, a Hunk, and Something Else

Something else?  Indeed...but what?  A malevolent alien? Could be.  More importantly, in this quirky, hard to follow scifi/horror offering, we have three babes.  Four if you count Roxanna (Kristina Bond).  Why not include Ms. Bond?  Her role, though initially a throw-away appearance, proves to be quite important. Yes, hard to follow, but if you pay attention, it'll all make sense.  Even the ending. Did I mention the babe-factor? Today we look at 2012's "Science Friction," directed by Liam Kiernan.

Jack (Spencer Heney), a young hunk. He just got fired from his menial job and has exams tomorrow, which he is not ready for. Vulnerable and needing money he allows three skanks to seduce him into driving them into Mexico. The babes, Julie (Cristina Magirescu), Jill (Stephanie Kollmar), and Meg (Roubina Karina) are mules for a drug dealer. They need to get to a party across the border and deliver contraband. Jack hates them and they hate Jack. Still, Jack needs dinero. Jack is told to take a little known route. Oh!  Did I mention Billy (L. Paschal Tenet)? Insane weirdo. He lives in an underground cave, kidnaps babes, and tears them apart.  Whether the babes deserve this, who knows? Billy also serves an alien spaceman in the cave. With the aid of oral sex skills of the trio of babes, Jack is able to get across the border.

Now an evil force enters the plot. The force has them take a wrong turn onto a cursed sideroad.  There, the force plays havoc with the babes and Jack. Now, this quartet is on the run but they have no idea from what. Yep, they meet Billy and end up in the cave. Oh yes, the alien force is playing with their minds. Now the babes are terrified and suddenly love Jack. Smartly, Jack still detests the skank trio. In their undies, or in short, tight party garb, the babes are hunted by Billy, who seems to be controlled by the evil spaceman. No more plot. Oh, Roxanna!  The ultra-babe will be in the opening scene, but also in another very telling scene...we like her a lot.

Do the three party girls have a prayer at surviving to the end credits?  Can Jack put his morals aside and tap one of the skanks for pre-marital sex?  What does the alien want with these three babes?  Okay, this last question is a stupid one. Many may see this film as a long-awaited remake of Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon," but as a stand alone plot, it is actually a fine film. With a gratuitous cheese-factor, "Science Friction" is a film that you will want to add to your Friday movie night.   

30 Miles from Nowhere, The Anti-Big Chill

1983's "The Big Chill" is one of the most overrated films of all time.  It justified hatred of the University of Michigan. Narcissistic idiots come back together at the funeral of their friend who committed suicide.  This is the plot of the 2018 film "30 Miles from Nowhere," too.  Directed by Caitlin Koller, this film does a lot right.  For instance a mad scientist is introduced into the plot and a nefarious experiment looms in the background of the plot. Sure, there will be a shower scene, but there will also be a lot of blood.

Max (Andrew Rothenberg), a scientist, commits suicide. His experiment is being shut down by his university as his test subject, an 18 year old freshman, is missing. Now his college buddies are summoned by his wife, Sylvia (Carrie Preston) for the funeral in middle of nowhere, Wisconsin. Right! A cabin in the woods with no cell service. Of all of them we like Bess (Cathy Shim), a hot Asian babe who is quite the slut. She was Max' GF in college...and now will sleep with anyone with a tally-whacker. Larry (Rob Benedict) and lesbian Elaine (Seana Kofeed) arrive, too. Elaine will also get some action with the ditz Amber (Marielle Scott). Amber is Jack's (Pastell Pringle) GF. Don't feel bad, Jack will have sex with Bess in the shower. Then there is the pacifist Paul (William Smillie). Weird friends and all did Max wrong at one point or another in college.

Sylvia seems unstable. She cares after Max' dementia ridden mother. She seems a bit of a loon. The creepiness begins. Bess keeps hallucinating blood.  Amber and Elaine hallucinate big cockroaches climbing all over them in lesbian intimacy. Strange noises. A weird funeral in which Amber falls into the grave on top of Max' coffin. Sylvia is often seen digging in the woods and burying animal remains. Other guys try to get into Bess' pants. Then...Larry and Bess make a horrific discovery in the basement and then the duo see...Max!  So what is going on here?

What is Sylvia up to?  Will Bess have deviance with everyone in this cabin?  Did Bess and Larry really see Max after the funeral?  The answers lie in the experiment Max was doing before he died.  Surprises abound as all the characters are able to clear the air on how they treated each other back in their college days. For a witty and surprising mad scientist/slasher flick, see "30 Miles from Nowhere."   

The House on Laura Anne Drive, Poltergeist Lite

Yeah...about a tenth as scary as 1982's "Poltergeist."  Things moving around slightly. A dress falls off a bed. A short nightmare about maggots.  A hint that someone or something may be in the house. Yawn!  Minor league as far as horror movies go.  So why watch this low-budget film? Two reasons. This film stars Natalie Brienen...babe! She'll even give us a nice bikini scene, completely irrelevant to the story.  The second reason. Did I imply this film was not scary.  Ha!  Just stick with it until the horrific and taboo ending. Then all non-scary descriptors will flush down the toilet and suddenly it will be a film that may give you nightmares.  Did I mention Ms. Brienen in a bikini? Today we look at 2024's "The House on Laura Anne Dr.," directed by Joseph Mazzaferro.

Okay, we don't know what happened but cute couple Jay (Stephen Lewis) and Ava (Briennen) move into a nice Florida house after some tragedy. A house on Laura Anne Drive. What is the tragedy and who is Laura Anne? No spoilers, but the answers to those questions will make you cringe. Ava does not work. She sits home all day. Why?  You'll find out. Jay loves Ava and is trying to be a good and supportive husband. Then it appears Ava is going crazy, at least to Jay. She is hearing noises and responding to phantom knock on the front door.  I know...hardly the type of horror that will shock you. Just wait.

Then a couple weeks later Ruth (Jann Van Dyke), an elderly neighbor shows up. She seems friendly and even sent Jay and Ava a nice gift basket.  She also knows the history of the neighborhood and the house.  The history is icky and Ava is not happy to hear about it.  More creepy stuff...then some unsettling stuff... then the real horror begins. We like Ava, probably because she is quite a dish. Now we see she may be in danger from something hardly harmless.

Just why does Ava not work and just hang around waiting for strange noises? What is the deal with this house and just who is Laura Anne...and why name a street after her?  With a short bikini scene, if this film is ever remade with a bigger budget, would we get a gratuitous shower scene? Stick with this one until the end and you will be glad you watched "The House on Laura Anne Dr."  

The Model, Runway Models Behaving Badly

Every girl's dream.  Move to Paris and become the face of Chanel. Gag me with a spoon! These undernourished skanks deserve our scorn and ridicule. Our "protagonist" today is a sultry teen who does just this.  What follows is what I believe a pretty accurate character study of Paris' new top model. Today we look at 2016's "The Model," directed by Mads Matthiesson.

Teen beauty, Emma (Maria Palm), who we assume is 18, loves making out with her BF Frederik (Marco Ilso). She is a great kisser. She leaves all this and flies to Paris with a job in a modeling firm. She'll initially meet with humiliation and failure as Marcel (Virgile Bramly) finds her some good jobs. She moves into a weird flat with another aspiring model roommate, Zofia (Charlotte Tomaszewska). They will be naked a lot. Emma is a quick learner and rebounds to seduce an influential photographer, the hunk Shane (Ed Skrein). Poor Shane, he's infatuated with this psycho in the making. Poor Emma, she thinks he really loves her. Now Emma will succeed and quickly grace the covers of Vogue and Harper's Bazaar. Has anyone ever read those two mags? Uh oh...Shane gets bored.  Why do women expect their guys to be one-woman guys?  Well, the supposed 18 year old gets clingy and unappealing.

The relationship takes a hit when Shane has pre-marital sex with his old GF and Emma screws a Chanel exec in the pool.  Great scene, sure, but not activities that promise fidelity.  Now on Shane's bad side, Emma tries everything to get him back.  Catfights and knife violence follow...as well as some uncomfortable deviant sex with weirdos. Now Emma dives straight into depravity and her new plan is ultra-depraved. This supposed 18 year old is growing up fast, and she better if she plans on seeing her 18th birthday.  Oh!  The ending!  Horrific. You'll ask "what just happened!?" Please...you will know what just happened, don't be naive.

Will Emma succeed in Paris without Shane's help?  Will Shane and his new women survive Emma's coming wrath?  Would these Paris models benefit from finding a boob job surgeon and perhaps an occasional smile?  Ooh!  I didn't just ask that. Damn autocorrect!.  See "The Model" and feel really slimy afterwards.  

The Brain, The Rich Always Live On

In 1953 a creepy but effective horror film came out called "Donovan's Brain."  That movie was created out of the same screenplay as today's British film, 1962's "The Brain."  Both black and white films dwell on the same subject.  Both do it swimmingly well.  Today's entry is a dark one without humor or wit with a bunch of characters that are all unlikable. Let us delve into this Freddie Francis film that does differentiate itself from the former one in the second half.

Max Holt, an evil international financier is murdered when a bomb goes off on his private jet.  Who would want to murder him?  Everyone that knew him.  Wait!  He survives the explosion and crash.  Kind of.  Mad scientist Dr. Peter Corrie (Peter van Eyck), his assistants Frank (Bernard Lee) and the sultry Ella (Ellen Schwiers) hear about the crash and race to the site. There, Peter detects a pulse from Max Holt and brings him back to his lab.  Uh oh...Peter has an ulterior motive for treating him. Max is going to die soon.  The cops are on the way, this trio did call them. See, Peter is experimenting in keeping a brain alive after the body dies.  Max does die and Peter and his assistants remove the brain, put it in a tank, sew the head back up, and give the corpse to the cops when they arrive.

Now Max live son...kind of.  His brain is still working in the big fish tank. Uh oh...it telepathically communicates to Peter. Actually it possesses him. Now Peter, at times, is indeed the evil industrialist trying to solve his own  murder.  Peter goes to Max' mansion and meets his sultry daughter, Anna (Anne Heywood), and lunatic son Martin (Jeremy Spencer). Both hated Max. Max and Peter's body goes to chat with his business associates and lawyers, all had motive to murder him. Peter is handsome and persuasive, even without being possessed by Max. He finds Max' old mistress, Marion (Maxine Audley). Marion is about to tell him the secret of this mystery but is murdered in mid-sentence.  This happens again and again leaving the mystery unsolved.  Now Peter, or Max, become more persuasive and soon he appears to be onto his own killer.

Everyone in this film is the bad guy. The women in the film are all sultry brunettes. Martin, the artist, is certifiable but kind of lovable. Will Max solve his own murder or be  murdered again? Will Peter get it on with Anna in her period of fake mourning? Is the real killer necessarily an evil character, or did Max have it coming? Creepy and deep.  The ending will leave you with some important moral questions. See "The Brain," and then go see "Donovan's Brain." Two outstanding films.    

Red Velvet, Telling a Slasher Story

Little Elliott isn't so cute anymore. The little kid from "E.T." is all grown up and Drew Barrymore isn't even in his scope. Today we look at a fine slasher film, though it is a film that will not receive much love.  True, experienced horror-philes will see exactly where this one is going. However, the babe factor is off the charts and the prurient element in this slasher film is sky-high, too.  In one of those "what's real and what isn't films, there will be plenty of gore and deviant sex. Today's feature is 2008's "Red Velvet," directed by Bruce Dickson.

Aaron (Henry Thomas) is frustrated. He's trying to concentrate but his neighbors, the sultry Linda (Kelli Garner) and her BF Kyle (Jordan Hagan) are having another knock down drag out fight. Linda runs off with her laundry to the laundromat. Aaron follows and meets her there. He is ticked at her and the two seem to detest one another. Eventually, Aaron realizes Linda is quite a dish and offers her lunch at a neighboring Thai restaurant. At the restaurant, the duo have a hot Asian waitress (Dina Morishita). No more about her other than her role is hardly insignificant. The two are sarcastic with one another and Aaron lets Linda know he is a good story teller. Linda tells Aaron that she should be at a b-day party at a secluded mountain lake with all her hot friends. Aaron then, with goading from Linda, makes up a story of that party she is missing.

Aaron concocts a slasher story, and a brutal one. There will be gory murders, skinny-dipping, sweaty deviant sex, and imaginative kills. Linda's hot sister Pat (Cristen Coppen) seems to star in his story. Other babes are Amy (Natalia Baron), and Jenny (Michele Nordin). The b-day party is for Pat's maybe BF Frank (Bret Roberts), who may be gay...don't ask. There are a few more hunks, none will fare well. There will also be a crocodile in one heck of a kill scene. The babes will get sweaty and naked fast. Aaron realizes Linda needs cheering up and a dose of self-confidence.  Linda is vulnerable and fears returning to an abusive BF back at her apartment. Sexual tension erupts between the two neighbors.  Then...well, it'll surprise most of you.

Will Linda pay dearly for developing a liking to her obnoxious neighbor?  Just what is Aaron's real attraction to his hot neighbor?  Is what is going on at the mountain lake really a fictionalized story? You'll see.  Kelli Garner is sultry in her role as the vulnerable Linda and Henry Thomas is unhinged as the grouchy neighbor.  For a prurient, gory, and naked-babe filled slasher film see "Red Velvet."    

Amuck! Sexual Deviance and Murder

Giallo! Can't beat it.  It's allure.  It's gore.  It's bad dubbing. It's sweaty nakedness. The most beautiful of Europe's Euro-Babes die so horribly in these films, many times in states of undress and in the throes of carnal relations. Today we have a classic Giallo film hitting all the tropes.  Our feature today is 1972's "Amuck!" This film, directed by Silvia Amadio, relies on deviant sexual practices and orgies...much like today's Washington, DC power brokers and Big Hollywood.

Greta (Barbara Bouchet) gets a job as the secretary for novelist Richard (Farley Granger). She's a doll!  Loves wearing tight stuff and miniskirts.  Richard has a nymphomaniac, bisexual wife, Eleanora (Rosalba Neri).  She takes a lustful liking to Greta. Okay, Greta is on a personal mission.  Her bestie Sally (Patrizia Viotti) was the former secretary of Richard and went missing while in his employment.  She sent Greta letters hinting at sexual deviance and being pulled into bacchanal lifestyles. Greta wants to find out what happened to her friend...and is also very aroused and curious about this bacchanal lifestyle hinted at by Sally. Early on, Eleanora will drug Greta, undress her, and have wild lesbian sex with Greta.  Is Greta a willing participant?  Richard also seems to fall in love with her.

Greta snoops and soon Richard and Eleanora realize she has a motive apart from typing up Stuart's manuscripts.  Eleanora will include Greta in orgies and even invite a brute fisherman (Petar Martinovitch) who loves strangling babes. Eleanora displays a sensual side toward Greta and Greta allows her, either figuring information will be gotten from her easier...or she likes it. Richard feeds Greta clues in the form of his manuscripts, or is he just luring Greta to her doom?  The nakedness, bacchanal carnality, and murder will explode off the screen.

Does Greta really want to solve her buddy's disappearance or is she looking to join a bacchanal lifestyle? Will Eleanora or Richard try to murder Greta while in the throes of passion? Just what necessitated Sally's disappearance?  This one will send you to the showers.  Erotic as any Giallo offering, "Amuck!" highlights the attributes, all the attributes, of Ms. Neri and Ms. Bouchet nicely.

Cinderella's Revenge, Fairy Tale Slasher

Okay, Natasha Henstridge is an ageless beauty. The sultry star of "Species" and "Ghost of Mars" is the Fairy Godmother in today's feature. She has a wand, will summon Elon Musk and Vidal Sassoon, and corrupt Cinderella into becoming a mad slasher. The Prince will have a few surprises coming when he seeks the owner of a glass slipper left at his ball...very erotic surprises, too. Intrigued?  Today we look at 2024's "Cinderella's Revenge," directed by Andy Edwards.

Cinderella (Lauren Staerck) is beset by an evil stepmother, Katherine (Stephanie Lodge), and two brutal step sisters, Rachel (Megan Purvis) and Josephine (Beatrice Fletcher). As the film begins, Katherine has murdered Cinderella's dad (Mike Kelson). Now Cinderella is an abused servant, ripe for torture and whipping. The Prince (Darrell Griggs) sends invites to every nubile babe in the kingdom. He will throw a ball and select a wife from the talent pool that shows up. Rachel and Josephine will attend, as will their mother. Cinderella is left home to do chores...enter the Fairy Godmother.  Miss Henstridge portrays a contemporary Fairy Godmother and summons up history's best fashion designers to design Cinderella's wardrobe and even Elon Musk to drive her to the mall in an EV.

Cinderella captures the affections of the Prince, but Katherine and her two daughters are seething mad. Midnight arrives, and Cinderella has to run away.  Once Katherine and the evil step sisters arrive home, they torture and pummel Cinderella. Enter the Fairy Godmother with an idea.  Revenge.  Bloody revenge. The babe fairy provides the means and now Cinderella's enemies are shredded.  Gutting, disembowelment, and pummeling await the wrath of everyone's favorite fairy tale damsel. This one will get quite gory.  The ending? Ha!  You can figure it out, especially if you know the fairy tale.  There is one not quite slight deviation. What happens in the marital bed after the wedding will leave you wincing and aroused.

Do Katherine, Rachel, or Josephine have a prayer at making it to the end credits?  How can we get fairy godmothers like Natasha Henstridge?  Did the Prince bite off more than he could chew in selecting a Cinderella coming to terms with her...dark side?  This one is a lot of fun and not too different from the actual fairy tale, before it was toned down for children.  See "Cinderella's Revenge" and enjoy Natasha Henstridge.

Below, Young Love and a Bull Shark

I know, this one won't get a lot of love. I'll just say it...I loved this film!  An outlandish plot. A big shark that eats a lot of people. Bikini babes. Hunks (well, a bit milquetoast, but we'll call them "hunks").  A love story between a hot blonde and a dweeb.  As improbable as this plot may be, it is infinitely more probable than those wretched "Star Wars" films...and that stupid "Mandalorian" garbage. Our film today is 2023's "Below," directed by Robin Christian.

All right!  Here goes. Lance (Logan Borsari) is a dweeb.  He's trying, and not very well, to use SCUBA gear in a remote reservoir. The milquetoast hunk-wannabe spots Annabel (Audra Schildhouse) sunbathing on a raft in the middle of this lake.  She's in a nice bikini. Many years ago, at summer camp, the two were one another's first kiss...so sweet. He man's up and swims out there only to be met by her BF Nate (Garret Forster). Nate tries to humiliate Lance and does a good job. Also on the raft is Nate's friend Riley. Two other bikini babe, Dixie (Courtney Wax) and the extremely big breasted Lori (Meitar Paz) join them. Lori wants Nate and a catfight brews between her and Annabel.

The shark arrives.  It eats Riley and a hunter near shore.  Now it keeps feeding on anyone who is not on the raft or who falls in.  The creature rams the raft knocking babes and hunks in.  Now the raft is falling apart.  Lance tries to man up but Nate continues to humiliate him. Poor Lance, we do feel sorry for him. We do sense Annabel is developing an attraction to him as her own BF behaves so bad.  Now Lance has a chance to save the day but the odds are against him.  As all looks lost, not only will Lance man-up but the big breasted Lori will try to emerge as quite the hero or die trying.

Will Lance end up with Annabel?  Will the big breasted Lori be able to be an unlikely hero or merely part of the shark's buffet?  Will any of the other bikini babes try to wipe that smug look off Annabel's face and feed her to the predatory fish?  This is a good one with a very nice cheesecake rating.  For an underwater shark film that is a bit quirky, full of surprises, and one tremendous ending, see "Below."

Nemesis, Cyborgs vs. The LAPD

Forget about everything about this film. Plot?  Not important.  What you need to know is that the sultry Deborah Shelton has the greatest death scene in motion picture history.  You'll see her demise and exalt, "Wow!  That's how I wanna go!" No one can look so good and so mangled at the same time. Okay, fear not, we'll talk about the plot but it won't matter.  Forget diving into an active volcano, or getting caught in the gears of a combine, or even being picked apart by rabid pterodactyls...the way Deborah Shelton goes... well, that will give one legend status.  Today we look at 1992's "Nemesis," directed by Albert Pyun.

In 2027, Alex (Olivier Gruner) is a LAPD cop. Kind of. He's 86% cyborg. His job...kill bad cyborgs. He does this at the beginning of the film but incurs the wrath of 2 babe cyborgs and two hunk cyborgs. They chase him and almost kill him. Six months later, he's rebuilt and recuperating in Baja. In Baja he kills another babe cyborg (Jennifer Gatti), a waitress serving him cerveza. Along come two babe cyborgs, Jared (Marjorie Monoghan) and Sam  (Marjean Holden). We gather Alex and Jared are old lovers. Don't ask. Now the plot gets complicated when the LAPD Commissioner, Farnsworth (Tim Thomerson) sends him on a mission to capture Jared. Yep, Jared has gone rogue...kind of. Oh yes, Alex has a nuke planted in his heart and it will detonate when he gets close to Jared.

What?  Yeah, I know...don't ask. Off to Java to find Jared...instead he finds Julian (Shelton). What Julian tells him will be shocking but not nearly as shocking as what is about to happen to this babe. Fresh from a nude scene, what is done to Julian will change your life. You think Joan d' Arc had a dramatic death... you haven't seen nothing yet.  Okay, Alex meets another babe, Max Impact (Merle Kennedy). Max may be human but holds the key to human survival against the cyborgs. She's perky and playful and we can see Alex falling in love with her. Now cyborg Farnsworth and his henchmen arrive in Java to kill Alex and all the humans. Oh, I should mention the machine gun fights. There are more machine gun rounds fired in the movie than there were in the Battle of the Bulge.

Being 14% human, is Alex still able to...well, you know...like if Julian walks into the room and...okay, forget this question.  Just how does Julian die?  Is there any human left who is not at least part cyborg?  This is a bang 'em up, shoot 'em up action scifi epic.  You gals will love Mr. Gruner and his abs, and you guys will love the babe cyborgs and Deborah Shelton's death scene. For an inspiring look into the year 2027, see "Nemesis."  

The Cat and the Canary, Inheritance and Insanity

Today we have an Agatha Christie-type story.  This one even has a tinge (maybe, more of a tinge) of eroticism.  Brutal murder, comic wit, and love.  Even more important is a great cheese factor. Picture Carol Lynley, clad in a slinky negligee, in great peril. Picture Honor Blackman and Olivia Hussey as lovers. In a film in which everyone is a suspect, maniacal drama and bloody homicide rule the day.  Our film today is 1978's "The Cat and the Canary," directed by Radley Metzger.

Old geyser tycoon, Cyrus West (Wilfrid Hyde-White) dies...20 years ago. Pursuant to his will, his potential heirs are summoned for the reading of the will. He filmed himself reading the will. In the film, he announces who gets his fortune. There is a caveat.  His heir must not be insane...and must survive for the next 24 hours. The summoned cast features the lovely Annabelle (Lynley). No spoiler here...she's the rightful heir, if she can convince everyone she's not insane...and survives the night. Susan (Blackman) is a big game hunter and brings her sex toy, Cecily (Hussey) along with her to the mansion. Paul (Michael Callan) is the American who wants to be kissing cousins with Annabelle. Charlie (Peter McEnery) is the war hero. There are some more...not all will survive.

Surprise! Hendricks (Edward Fox) arrives. He is the head psychologist at an asylum for the criminally insane. He announces one of his patients, who thinks he is a cat, has escaped and is probably hiding in the mansion.  Annabelle immediately puts on a slinky nightgown and holds off the advances of Paul and Henry (Daniel Massey).  Then the executor is grabbed and horribly mangled by the escaped lunatic.  Uh oh...a secret passageway will allow the killer to enter Annabelle's bedchambers as she sleeps.  As a raging thunder and lightning storm rages, Susan and Cecily share passion, and the evil being makes a move for Annabelle.

Is Annabelle sane?  If she is, will she remain alive to collect her fortune?  Does either Paul or Henry have a shot at her?  Will a negligee clad Annabelle see to it to get into a catfight with either Susan or Cecily...or both?  Okay, that third question was gratuitous and in bad taste. For a bloody and erotic good time, with some very erotic fashion statements by Carol Lynley, see "The Cat and the Canary."

 

The Satanic Rites of Dracula, Christopher Lee Battles Peter Cushing, Again

Christopher Lee was always a bit of a grouch about his film "Dracula A.D. 1972."  He called it his worst film he ever appeared in. This is a curious statement.  That late Hammer film was actually pretty good.  I have a theory.  I think Mr. Lee made a pass at Caroline Munro and she swatted him away. Ms. Munro turned in a wildly erotic scene and an erotically bloody death scene.  Her effort was stellar. So in 1973, one year later, Christopher Lee, portraying Dracula again, makes "The Satanic Rites of Dracula." A very similar film...this time without Caroline Munro. Today we look at this Hammer film also directed by Alan Gibson, which also stars Peter Cushing as Van Helsing. Maybe Mr. Gibson was also thwarted when he tried to get into Ms. Munro's tight black pants. 

Chin Yang (Barbara Yu Ling) is the hot Asian babe who leads a Satanic cult filled with England's most powerful wealthy men, military men, and government officials. She's a doll with a sacrificial dagger and she plunges that dagger into the heart of a nude blonde babe on an altar, turning her into a vampire. A gratuitous opening scene. The cult has plans. Two cops, Inspector Torrence (William Franklyn) and Inspector Murray (Michael Coles) call in Van Helsing to help. Uh oh, the cult captures Jane (Valerie Van Ost), the sultry police secretary and turns her into a vampire. Now the two inspectors, Van Helsing, and Van Helsing's grand daughter, Jessica (Joanna Lumley) investigate.  Uh oh, the corporation that owns all the properties that cult activities are taking place is owned by a mysterious tycoon, who is really Count Dracula.

Dracula has a nefarious plan. Unleash the bubonic plague throughout the world and wipe it out.  He also intends to make Jessica his bride.  Capturing Jessica brings Van Helsing and the inspectors into his mansion to face off against the sultry Chinese priestess, dozens of babe vampires, and Dracula himself. Dracula has many weapons at his disposal like thugs on motorcycles, the aforementioned vamps in the dungeon, vials of the plague, and thousands of years of cleverness.  Unfortunately for him, Van Helsing's smarts will be a worthy adversary, especially once he is determined to save his grand daughter.

The babe factor is tremendous.  The plot is gruesome especially when the plague is introduced.  Maybe not as flashy as the previous year's "Dracula A.D. 1972," but still semi-erotic and inclusive of classic Van Helsing-Dracula tropes. See "The Satanic Rites of Dracula" and try to figure out why Caroline Munro was repulsed by Christopher Lee.