Sunday, July 31, 2022

Demented, Lingerie Babe has a Meat Cleaver

A cacophony of gang rape and lingerie is one way to describe this exploitation/slasher flick.  Perhaps we may say it is a mesh of "I Spit On Your Grave" and "A Touch of Class."  This is a brutal rape/revenge flick written by the star of "The Incredible Melting Man," Alex Rebar.  Perhaps many will find this film in bad taste, as if that awful Clint Eastwood film, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" is not in horrible taste.  No apologies here, so if you're offended, go watch a Cate Blancett bore-a-thon.  Today we look at 1980's "Demented," directed by Arthur Jeffreys.

Alas, Linda (Sallee Young), suffers a brutal fate.  The classy babe in an equestrian get-up is gratuitously gang raped by four thugs.  Her attackers will go to prison and Linda will head to a mental institution.  Almost recovered...okay, 'almost' may be an exaggeration...Linda is sent home.  Her doctor husband Matt (Harry Reems) has provided nicely for her.  Uh oh...Matt is a dirty two-timer and has a steamy affair with the skank Carol (Kathryn Clayton).  Carol has a great assortment of lingerie and some dirty moves.  Now Linda experiences flashback hallucinations from her rape and is not doing well.  Even worse, some neighborhood hoodlums sneak into her home one night when she is alone and almost send her off the edge.  As Matt spends many of his nights having extra-marital sex with Carol, the lingerie clad Linda stays home alone in much fear.

Uh oh again...those hoodlums come back and they are back for rape.  The hoodlums get more than they bargained for when Linda does indeed snap.  Now, clad in some very naughty undergarments, Linda is no longer afraid.  She strikes back, all nymphomaniac and psycho.  She has a meat cleaver ready and other assorted deadly weapons.  Killing her new set of rapists is too easy.  Linda has other endeavors in mind including castration'll see, and it will be ghoulish.  Exploding with pheromones, the victim turned torturer/killer has no sense of mercy.

Does the new Linda have something in mind for Matt and Carol after she finishes with her new set of rapists?  After their tirade when they saw "I Spit On Your Grave," did Siskel and Ebert have a cow after seeing this film?  Is this film a good example of the misogynistic mindset of Big Hollywood?  I know we're not supposed to say we enjoyed this film, especially in our woke society, but...tough!  For an enjoyable rape/revenge flick, see "Demented."         

Friday, July 29, 2022

4D Man, Miss America vs. a Mad Scientist

Miss America 1955!  Yep...Lee Meriwether!  Before the Miss America contest turned into an absolute joke which TV audiences did their best to avoid, the title of Miss America meant something great.  The title-holder was beautiful, talented, and someone we wanted to see.  Today the pageant has turned into a woke exercise in social justice with men and women competing and representing nauseating social causes we don't want to hear about.  The contestants, if women, are surgically altered and plastic.  Ms. Meriwether went on to be a successful TV actress and landed a couple of alluring roles on TV's "Batman," and other shows.  In 1959, she did "4D Man," directed by Irvin S. Yeaworth, Jr.

Dr. Tony Nelson (James Congdon) is a handsome young mad scientist perfecting a process that allows atoms to rearrange so an object can pass through another solid object.  His brother, Dr. Scott Nelson (Robert Lansing) is creating Cargonite, an element that cannot be penetrated.  Tony's lab blows up and he needs a job.  Scott hires him.  Uh oh...Scott's beautiful assistant is Linda (Meriwether) and Scott intends to marry her.  When Linda sees Tony, she realizes she does not love Scott and is head over heels for Tony.  Yep, storm coming.  Scott does invent Cargonite and Tony succeeds in creating a machine that allows one object to pass through others...even Cargonite...advantage Tony.

Losing Miss America to his brother, Scott kind of goes mad.  Through a weird series of events, he is infused with the atomic principle his brother created.  Now Scott can pass through walls, bank vaults, jewelry store windows, and Linda's bedroom door.  Uh oh again...when he does this he ages greatly.  To stop the aging process, Scott hugs someone thereby sucking out their lifeforces making him young again and his victim...old and dead.  Now he wants Linda back.  Tony loves Linda and wants to protect her.  Scott will embark on a homicidal rampage collecting lifeforces on his way to claiming Miss America away from his brother.  

Will Miss America be able to select the mad scientist she wants, or will the 4D Scott make the decision for her?  Just what will 4D Scott do when he passes through Linda's bedroom door in the middle of the night?  Do we even know the names of any of the Miss Americas over the past 25 years, or so?  See 4D man and see Lee Meriwether give a great 'damsel-in-much-distress' performance.

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

Evilution, Army Experiment Goes Wrong

Yep...this plot line is becoming more and more believable every day.  The U.S. Army sets up a secret bio-hazard lab in Iraq to make chemical weapons.  It also makes a serum that causes soldiers to turn into monster killing machines.  Too bad we did not fight the Taliban with these weapons.  Okay, throw in one sultry babe, or two, and bring the new serum to our shores and watch the wonderful results.  Special mention to sultry actress Katie Cazorla for one of the most gratuitous 'attacked-by-zombies' scenes ever put on the silver screen.  Today we look at 2008's "Evilution," directed by Chris Conlee.

In the aforementioned lab, the experiment gets out of control.  Every U.S. servicemember and scientist is overcome by former soldiers, now zombies.  The only survivor is Captain Darren Hall (Eric Peter Kaiser).  He escapes with a vial or two of the stuff and comes back to the U.S.  Now he moves into a rundown tenement building with a weird super.  Yep, Darren sets up a lab in his basement apartment and continues his experiments.  He meets the sultry Maddie (Sandra Eloani).  What a babe!  She does everything she can to have pre-marital sex with him.  She'll succeed.  Darren might be a mad scientist but no one is insane enough to deny Maddie, you'll see.  During this pre-marital sex, hoodlums rummage through his laboratory and now the vials are mixed with crack or heroin and the zombie outbreak begins.

Soon, Darren is doing damage control.  The outbreak, inside the tenement is moving too fast.  Sadly, a soon to be nude Nikki (Cazorla) is sad.  Uh oh...Maddie is mad at Darren for his "Wham bam thank you ma'am!" attitude.  Now Gabriel (Tim Colceri), an assassin for the U.S. Army arrives to murder Darren and recover the vials.  He's too late and joins in the war against the undead inside the building.  Maddie continues to look steaming hot and provides quite the contrast against the backdrop of the undead drooling black snot.  Now Darren seeks to save the woman he had pre-marital sex with, kill the undead, continue his experiments, and escape the building.  Fat chance!

What are the chances of the sultry Maddie staying sultry until the end credits?  Does anyone believe the U.S. military and our Department of Defense are not undertaking these experiments?  Is our expulsion from Afghanistan and soon to be Central Europe related to these experiments?  This is a fun and grim one.  The cheese factor is intense and the film is more prescient than our government will admit.  For a neat zombie film, see "Evilution."

Monday, July 25, 2022

Diggers, Russia's C.H.U.D. Problem

As Russia is poised to take over all of Europe it behooves us to learn more about Russian horror.  The more we know about it, the more we can relate to them.  Cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers aren't just a problem for American inner cities...nope...Moscow has 'em as well.  See!  We can empathize and relate to our Eurasian brethren unless you live in Kiev... then you may want to run.  Today we look at 2016's "Diggers" (aka "Diggery"), directed by Tikhon Kornev.  By the way, if you saw "Trackman," consider this the long awaited sequel."

You gotta love her.  Dina (Mariya Shekaturiva).  She is attending a cosplay convention in Moscow and is adorned in her favorite manga character's garb...she even has a kind of fake sword.  She'll take the subway home...or try to.  She catches the last car...which whizzes past her stop.  Uh oh...something is shredding all the passengers in the car in front of hers and the subway heads all the way to the abandoned end of the line.  Now her, and some weirdos are trapped there.  She is there with some Chinese guy (Din Fan) who has a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, and many more.  Also joining her in the abandoned tunnels are a digger, Egor (Andrey Levin) who was hired by Artem (Roman Evdokimov) and his lover Dasha (Anna Vasileva) to find her and their friends.  They found them...and now they are trapped.

Trapped?  By what?  Cannibalistic monsters!  That's what.  Now it gets really crowded...a TV reality show crew stumbles in.  Don't get too attached to them.  The killings start here.  In an instant the crew is shredded and beheaded by this thing that looks like the thing from "Syngenor."  It goes through Russian hunks and babes like crap through a goose...The Ukraine needs to find some of these.  The kids are on the run and find lairs and mutants in jars.  They are being hunted and shredded one by one.  This will get pretty grim and many of the killings will be quite heartbreaking.  Oh!  Dina, our manga cosplay gal?  Ha!  You'll see. 

Will anyone survive the cannibalistic monsters in this film?  Will there be any relationship drama at play in the shadow of mutant cannibals?  Ah, yep!  Where did these monsters come from and can The Ukraine import them to the front lines instead of complicated and defective U.S. HIMARS systems?  This is a good one especially if you like your horror horrific.  For a reason not to take public transportation, see "Diggers."   

Saturday, July 23, 2022

Shark Huntress, Plastic Men and Their Mushrooms this film receives a cumulative rating average of 1.6/10 rating.  The quiche eaters who do reviews for IMDb have struck again.  Ratings be damned, I set out to watch 2021's "Shark Huntress," directed by John Riggins (not the football player).  I admit, my disappointment was immediate.  I saw the title and I was expecting a bikini clad Tanya Roberts or Laurene Landon clutching a spear gun.  Well, there is a spear gun in this film...a very underused spear gun I might add.

As the film opens, Amanda (Olga Andrievskaya) wanders into the surf and is immediately chewed up by a great white.  We're glad...she had a face that we just didn't like.  Her daughter, Sheila (Katrina Grey) is called to this island and will eventually identify her mom's corpse.  By the way, the coroner gives the mom a private room at the morgue...really.  We meet Sheila and instantly want her to die horribly...just something about her.  She hooks up with her mom's team...a band of eco-warriors fighting plastic.  Guru (John Flano), a bearded wonder, who we desire to die horribly, picks her up at the airport and brings her to a commune type hotel room where they will all sleep on the bed together.  We'll also meet Pam (Eve Cerda), her old boyfriend Dean (Dean Alexandrou), and Luca (Russell Geoffrey Banks).  Yep, we will all desire their bloody demise soon after they utter their first lines.

The shark eats a sultry kayak lady.  The team talks about plastic and littering.  Guru just won't shut up and now we're praying for Putin to send his army in and annihilate them.  Sheila buys a spear nice if she would use it.  Sheila and Dean will take SCUBA lessons...they'll learn to breathe nice if they actually went SCUBA diving.  The shark will eat more people...oh well.  Oh yes...poison mushrooms are found.  You'd think they would be looking for the shark that ate Sheila's mom.  Sheila swears she will find the shark and kill it...but first, they need to clean the plastic bottles off the beaches.  The shark waits for Sheila and her team just three feet off shore.  Sheila caresses her spear gun and yells at people.

I know...but hey...I liked this movie.  Will Sheila ever begin her search for the shark that ate her mother?  Will plastic straws thrown in the water kill the shark for her?  Will a Jason like psycho killer wander into the plot and chop Guru and friends into tiny bits and use them for chum?  Still a better film than "Jupiter Ascending,"  "Shark Huntress" may be the impetus for resurrecting MST3K.   

Thursday, July 21, 2022

Petrified, Mummy vs. Nymphomaniacs

Is there a better setting for a horror film than a clinic for nymphomaniac babes?  No!!!  What a line delivered by the babe nympho Marta (Kathryn Adams), "I've been muff diving on an old hag."  Yep, only babe nymphos in this the steamy sex is between babes, for the most part.  Throw in a slimy mummy, federal agents, a quest for eternal youth, and a lot of lipstick lesbianism.  Thanks to Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment, we will look at 2006's "Petrified."

There is a lot here. An undercover operation goes bad.  Federal agent Buzz (Roark Critchlow) does get away with a severed mummy hand as the bad guys shoot at him.  The two bad guys are then petrified by a mummy that is re-animated when human blood drips on it .  Buzz, thinking the bad guys are pursuing him,  ducks into the first unlocked door he comes to, a clinic for nymphomaniac babes run by mad scientist Dr. Von Gelder (Ozman Sirgood).  The mummy follows, wanting its hand back.  Two sultry nymphos wander out of the clinic and begin steamy sad, the mummy interrupts and petrifies them.  Now Buzz is inside, not knowing about the mummy yet.  He'll meet Helen (Jessica Lancaster) who is there trying to spring her nympho sister Suzy (Kimberly Dawn Guerrero).  She believes the mad scientist is experimenting on the babes.

The mummy enters and finds Cory (Dana Lastrilla) and Marta (Adams) rolling around in bed.  He'll chase them and now every nympho in the place is in danger.  Enter Von Gelder.  He believes pheromones and chemicals in nymphomaniacs are the key to eternal life.  In fact, the sultry Asian nympho turns out to be 61 years old, to Marta's disgust.  Now Suzy and Helen glob onto Buzz as the mummy and its now re-animated hand are on the prowl.  Sultry nymphos in the throes of sexual satisfaction will die horribly but the mummy's hand...or eyes, you'll see.  Helen gets sweet on Buzz and Suzy looks to screw anyone moving.  

Will the mummy end up doing anything to any of the nymphomaniacs other than petrifying them with his eyes?  After her muff-diving of the 61 year old Asian babe (who looks 25). will Marta gargle with Listerine?  Will non-nymphomaniac Helen turn into a nympho in order to land Buzz?  This is a prurient one in which so many sultry damsels will be in so much danger.  For a fun romp into nymphomania and archaeology, see "Petrified."

Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Atomic Shark, Toothy Nukes

In what may be the best film of 2016, and certainly a film containing the best catfight of 2016, we celebrate summer with a look at "Atomic Shark" (aka "Saltwater"-Lame), directed by A.B. Stone.  When bikini clad lifeguard Gina (Rachele Brooke) and TV reporterette Felice (Mariah Bonner) fight to the death...well, its just such a beautiful thing.  Be warned, how the catfight ends may be the most shocking scene in film history!  Beautiful lifeguards in tight red swimsuits, sultry TV reporterettes dying horribly, and hunk lifeguards are enough for us...but throw in a glowing shark and we have Nirvana. 

Rottger (Jeff Fahey) is driving a boat when his babe water-skier (Jaime Wallace) is eaten by a glowing and radioactive shark.  No one believes Rottger even when government men in containment suits show up at the beach.  Enter the sultry bikini clad lifeguard, Gina...she knows something is not right.  Burned fishes keep washing up on shore.  Enter a TV show crew, Felice and Troy (Isaiah LaBorde) who also suspect a government coverup.  Oh yes, Kaplin (Bobby Campo) is an injured lifeguard who tries to uncover the mystery with his drone.  The shark is a byproduct of a nuclear submarine that sank offshore in the 80s and now glows and spreads radioactive waste everywhere it goes.

Enter Kylie (Jessica Kemejuk), who looks great in her tight lifeguard swimsuit.  Her scenes are gratuitous and seductive.  Enough said about her.  Now Gina and Kaplin team up with a pervert, Fletcher (David Faustino), who uses his drone to capture booty shots of bikini clad beach babes.  After a parasailing scene you will not believe when so many sultry bikini babes die horribly, the government can no longer call the carnage at the beach "boating accidents."  Gina, and her abs, and great lifeguard bikini, gets aggressive and calls Rottger to help...he agrees only after some past drama is revealed.  Now Gina's plan is to kill the shark as Troy and Felice come along to try to top four million views on their YouTube channel.  The plan?  It's a bad one with hardly a chance of survival...still, a catfight will ensue and some great cheese will grace this film's conclusion.

Will bikini clad Gina get into a catfight with tight red swimsuit clad Kylie?  Will Felice and Troy get their four million views?  Is the atomic shark a thinly veiled metaphor of our country's careless nuclear experiments in the Bikini atoll.  Wait!  Did someone say bikini?  Think glowing great white sharks and alluring bikinis and watch "Atomic Shark."

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Alien Hunter, A Block of Ice in the Antarctic is Melting and...

Remember when Chiles and Macready are facing off in the frigid elements in "John Carpenter's The Thing"?  Which one is human?  One or both?  Macready finally says something, when faced with the possibility of the cold overcoming both of them, that perhaps its best neither one of them survives.  Hence 2003's "Alien Hunter," directed by Ron Krauss.  In this one we will wonder if our inter-galactic visitor is as malicious as in Carpenter's film...or is it something else?

Julian (James Spader) is your typical professor at a liberal college.  He's only interested in pre-marital sex with babe coeds.  He gets called down to NASA's Antarctic facility because of his expertise with codes.  The scientists down there have found something in the ice.  It is giving off a radio signal that might be intelligent.  That is what Julian is asked to determine.  He'll arrive and be met by Nyla (Leslie Stefanson), science babe.  Nyla likes to work in the nude, and take showers with hunks.  She'll compromise and work in her underwear.  Julian is also met by head scientist, Dr. Alexi Gierach (Nikolai Binev), a genetics guy.  He shows Julian the block of ice, which is melting, and appears to have a creature inside.  Uh oh...also at this facility is the grouchy and bitter Dr. Kate Brecher (Janine Eser), a babe scientist who back in the day was one of those coeds Julian had pre-marital sex with.

Kate has another boyfriend, now...a plant scientist but you can guess his fate, no matter what the plot is.  Julian reads the radio signals and agrees something intelligent is in the block of ice.  As it melts, we wonder if it will have tentacles and a ticked off attitude.  Julian is intrigued by the prospect of it communicating.  Nyla is intrigued by the possibility of a shower with Julian.  Kate is a real b***h, and has no sense of humor about being used and discarded by her former professor.  Women!  The ice block will melt and yes there is something intelligent inside.  What happens next will be compounded by the paranoia of the nuclear superpowers.  You'll see.

Will Kate realize she has been a real b***h and fight for her turf by engaging Nyla in a vicious catfight?  What is in the block of ice and will it be as vicious as Macready's nemesis in the aforementioned film?  Just where does NASA get off telling a babe scientist that she can't work in the nude?  This is a fun one but don't think that many plot devices similar to those in John Carpenter's film will produce the same film.  For a neat alien film with babe scientists seeking to work in the nude, see "Alien Hunter."  

Friday, July 15, 2022

Vampire Bats, Xena Warrior Princess vs. Toothy Menaces

Lucy Lawless, a fine actress.  Pretty and spunky.  Her portrayal of Xena Warrior Princess may be one of the most iconic television roles in the last 50 years.  Something about a babe in leather, with a big sword, and a war cry that gets all our juices flowing.  When not slaying the minions of evil deities, this actress also kills monsters in Louisiana.  Hence our film today, 2005 "Vampire Bats," directed by Eric Bross.

Mutated vampire bats are hanging around Tate University in Louisiana.  Tate's students are all hunks and babes that live for rave parties.  Unbeknownst to the students, their next rave party will start a big mess.  As everyone is high on ecstasy, Jason (Arnie Panteja) wanders near the swamp and the monsters attack, sucking him dry. Initially, his babe friend Eden (Jessica Stroup) and her hunk BF Aaron (Brandon Henry Rodriguez) are arrested for the murders.  Maddy (Lawless), a biology professor knows her students are innocent and tries to prove they did not murder Aaron.  The bats will also drain fishermen and deer near the swamp.  Now, as Maddy and her hunk husband, Dan (Dylan Neal) attend a party on a steamboat, she gets her proof.  The horde of bats attacks the party.  At the same time, the bats attack another rave party in the tunnels under the university, eating many coeds and hunks.

Now Maddy has no trouble convincing the police and the fish and game guy, Jay (Liam White).  Game Warden Jay is a bit of a fishy character but sets out to find the bats.  Maddy and her hunk and babe students also set out.  Uh oh...cheerleader/sorority skank Rebecca (Jacque Henry) is bitten in her sleep and begins foaming at the mouth during class (mad about biology!).  Now Maddy and her kids have to come up with a good plan to find the lair and destroy all the bats.  Uh oh again...they also find out that the mutated bats may be feeding off something in the bayou. 

Is it likely that taxpayer money has been diverted from funds to kill vampire bats and into coffers to promote riverboat gambling in Louisiana?  Is this film a metaphor for the mismanagement of the Hurricane Katrina response by Mayor "School Bus" Nagin, and the idiotic Governor Kathleen Blanco?  Will Maddy don some leather warrior attire, grab a big sword, and charge into the bayou?  "Vampire Bats" is a lot of fun and will provide much beef and cheese for a nice Friday night creature feature.

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Ravenstein, Bird Monster Defends Turf

This is an easy one.  When someone named Eveshka Ghost makes a movie...this blog will be there for it.  Who is Eveshka Ghost?  The maker of 2020's "Ravenstein," of course.  I suspect she is also quite the maven in the music industry, too, but I am so ignorant when it comes to the music scene that we will stick to the monster raven film before us. 

Two likable teens, David (James McClusky) and Marky (Nik Kaneti-Dimmer) are riding there bikes home one night.  The two were trying to score, unsuccessfully, and are probably fortunate that they didn't.  David is the more mature one and a sad home drama involving him is hinted at.  They stop in front of a "private property" sign forbidding trespassing.  Drunk, at least Marky is, the duo decide to investigate the property as the outer fence has fallen down.  In they go.  It is so cool.  An abandoned and old complex, totally destroyed.  Broken glass and penetrated walls.  But what was this place?  The two are surprised by a supposed squatter, the homeless Jack (Chris Wilson).  Jack is gruff but seemingly harmless and magnanimous.

Then after Marky and Jack imbibe some more, the drunk Marky goes exploring.  He'll find some weird stuff.  Unfortunately, a half raven-half man finds him and chases him.  David catches up to Marky and soon the bird monster is chasing both boys.  When two other drunks, Andy (Thomas Walters) and Charlie (Seth Easterbrook) wander in...the bird's hunt is widened in scope.  Now the raven monster is ticked off, but why.  More surprises abound, and a surprise character is introduced that will help answer many questions...maybe not happily, alas.

Exactly where did this bird monster come from?  What is the deal with the mysterious squatter, Jack, who lives at this abandoned plant?  Just what was this plant/factory before it was abandoned and why was it abandoned?  Dark and energetic, "Ravenstein" is a neat horror film that doesn't try to be too much.  Eveshka Ghost, if you are reading this...WELL DONE!!!

Monday, July 11, 2022

Blood Bite, Red Shark vs. Red China

We all know China has always been infatuated with "Jaws 3D."  Bess Armstrong in that wetsuit has always been guiding adolescent Chinese boys through puberty since that film came out.  Okay, I embellish.  Nevertheless, we do have China's version of "Jaws 3D," in 2020's "Blood Bite" (aka "Xue Sha" and "Horror Shark"), directed by Yue Ang Wang.  No Bess Armstrong but fear not, we do have some Chinese babes in well as some Chinese hunks in wetsuits.  Oh yes...a red great white shark that roars and growls.

Ming Shu Yung (Lik-Sung Fong) is a scientist who's leg was bitten as he rescued babe Jiwan (Weitong Zhau) from a shark attack.  He's scared of the things now.  Fast forward...he and a biologist professor, Jessica (Tara Clance) are lured to a Sea World type park. The owner, Chin, has genetically altered a great white to make it obedient...yep, you can guess where this is going.  He has also hired diver Jiwan to feed the shark.  He hopes Jessica and Ming will endorse his efforts in the science community thereby opening up grants and money to flood in.  Ming, who has been bitten by a shark once, is skeptical.  Chin's assistant is the babe Yow (Yue Ang Wang).  Well, Ming's suspicions were won't work.  The shark rebels.  It has changed and is no longer the same species...its red and makes noises (as many of us do when we get old).

Now the shark turns aggressive and eats people.  It busts the underwater structure of the park, flooding its chambers.  Now it is in the chambers chasing all the people.  Ming will keep saving Jiwan's life.  Now the surviving people must hit the open ocean and pursue the escaped red shark.  Jiwan is brave and intends to go into the water with a few darts to kill the shark.  Ming knows this won't work (remember, this is China where all women are considered stupid) and implores her not to. What this is all leading to is a war between a mad red shark and a few babes and hunks in wetsuits.  100% realistic.

Will Ming realize he is fated to fall in love with babe diver Jiwan?  Will any of the two other hunks in this film match up with any of the other two babes?  That is, if they remain uneaten...a big if.  Is this film a metaphor for China's ability to match anything the west does ("Jaws 3D) and then raise the stakes?  As the West falls and the East rises, "Blood Bite" may be a great film to explain why that is happening. 


Saturday, July 9, 2022

Double Exposure, Babes Shredded

Deviant!  Perverted! Misogynistic!  Dirty!  Gory!  Taboo!  Prurient!  Yep!  Think Giallo times 10.  Guess who is in it!  Cleavon Little, Sally Kirkland (topless), Misty Rowe (as a centerfold named Bambi), Joanna Pettit, Victoria Jackson, and Pamela Hensley!  But the real stars of this 1982 slasher film are Michael Callan and James Stacy, as a very interesting, and probably a too close, pair of brothers.  Our feature today, directed by William Byron Hillman, is "Double Exposure."  You have been warned.

Adrian (Callan) is a photographer with issues.  He has a brother he loves very much, a one-armed, one-legged brother who is a Hollywood stuntman, BJ (Stacy).  Adrian shoots stunning women in the nude...and guess what!  Yep, the dames show up dead...usually after Adrian dreams of murdering them.  The kills are ominous and devilishly erotic.  Uh oh...we get a glimpse of Adrian's therapy sessions with his shrink (Seymour Cassel).  Uh oh, again...he picks up the lovely Mindy (Pettet) in an elevator.  Now Mindy is head over heals for him...bad on her.  A lot of sex will ensue, and Adrian will also have sex with models and skanks who soon after are murdered.

Detective Fontaine (Hensley) is on the case.  Then eek!!!  One of the most gut wrenching murders you will ever see occurs.  A model Adrian is shooting has a rattlesnake'll see.  Oh, BJ?  Don't feel too bad about his missing limbs.  He'll start dating a centerfold babe (Rowe) and even wrestle Naughty Nancy in a mud wrestling match.  After the rattlesnake episode the cops start pursuing Adrian.  Easy right? will smell a twist coming.  As for Mindy and her poor judgment of men...well, she may pay very dearly for that.

Will Mindy be gutted before the final credits?  Are there any mud wrestling opportunities in this film for Ms. Pettet, Ms. Hensley, or Ms. Rowe?  So what is the deal with a one-armed, one-legged guy in a mud wrestling event?  You will need a shower after watching this shocker.  Babes will be shredded.  Guys will demonstrate insanity.  Cops will go down the wrong paths.  Hopefully, the blonde babe will not be gutted...although that is a thin chance.  See "Double Exposure" and enjoy the cheese before it gets carved up.        

Thursday, July 7, 2022

Dance to Death, Lambada the Forbidden Dance, Russian Style

Okay...yep...think of this as "Lambada: The Forbidden Dance" Russian style.  Perhaps a Putin-ized version of "Flashdance."  Maybe a Stalin-ized version of "Footloose."  I know, don't the Russians have enough to do right now in The Ukraine to worry about recreating "Lambada:  The Forbidden Dance"? Maybe.  Give them credit, though.  They took that monstrosity of a dance film and threw in a post-apocalyptic Moscow, nuclear storms, mutants, and even weirder dancing.  Today we look at, from Russia, 2017's "Dance to Death," directed by Andrey Volgin.

Nuclear war has destroyed the world.  In post-apocalyptic Moscow, survivors are scavengers constantly dodging nuclear storms that can disintegrate one if caught in it.  Kostya (Ivan Zhvakin) is a handsome, non-mutated thief.  Uh oh!  A ruling class, living in an underground bunker, free from radiation, and hording fresh fruit, have their eyes on him.  They eventually abduct him  Dance to the death, in fact.  See, young babes and hunks are abducted and forced to sacrifice their lives in the dance ring.  They must dance against an opponent...the winner lives...the loser is vaporized.  At the end, there can be only one.

As for the opponents, we have Russian babe Anna (Lukerya Ilyashenko)...and we just know her and Kostya will meet in the finals.  Of course they fall in love before that.  Yes...I am leaving out so much.  The loser of the dance has his or her lifeforce sucked out and given to Mother Earth so she can repair herself...hence, the losers are seen as heroes who have sacrificed themselves to save the planet.  The dance-offs are underway and Kostya and Anna keep winning and it really looks like they will meet in the finals.  The winner will be allowed to join the ruling class.  Uh oh, again.  So much more is going on and the ruling class is not as entrenched as it might have seemed.  Now treachery enters the competition and more cheating than in Major League Baseball will ensue.  Now Kostya and Anna, no matter how good they are, may be marked for death even before the finals or even before they have pre-marital sex.

Is it true that awful reviews of this film appearing in Kiev newspapers were the real cause of the Russian invasion of The Ukraine?  Will Anna be clad in a skimpy, lingerie-type costume in her dance or one more suitable for post-apocalyptic Moscow?  This ambitious film with a grim post-apocalyptic feel to it.  For some great dancing (okay, that may be overstating it) and nuclear fall-out dread, see "Dance to Death."    

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Camp Murder, Classic Theme and Lots of Carnage

The kill count will be massive.  Intestines will pour out.  Machetes will lodge in heads.  The killer will have a kind of hockey mask.  From Polonia Brothers Entertainment we have 2021's "Camp Murder," directed by Mark Polonia.  You have to give this film does have originality as one of the potential final girls is a professional wrestler (Jamie Morgan) who is ready to grapple.

25 years ago, Tommy (Jeff Kirkendall) murdered dozens of people at a summer camp by the lake.  According to his mother it was the fault of the "whore counselors."  Hey...I believe her.  As our film begins Dr. Lewis (Noyes Lawton) is conducting one last session with him before his retirement.  This won't go well and when Lewis departs, Tommy murders an orderly (Polonia) with a pen.  Now he's on the loose and of course heads back to the summer camp he committed all those murders at.  Also heading to that camp are some young professionals who seek to have a lot of pre-marital, marital, and extra marital sex.  Included is pro wrestler Roxy (Morgan) and her manager and retired wrestler Chuck (Tim Hatch).  Oh yes, Cody (Kyle Rappaport) is also along...he seeks to steal Roxy away from Chuck.

Dr. Lewis, who has had no sex for the past 25 years, is then seduced by reporterette and babe (Katie (Jennie Russo).  She has incredible sex with him and gets him to tell her that Tommy has escaped.  Now Katie wants the story of the century and heads to the camp, as well.  Tommy gets their first and kills a dozen or so schmucks with his machete as the campers arrive.  Now Tommy sets his sights on the campers, including the female wrestling babe, Roxy.  Also arriving is an assassin hired by Lewis to murder Tommy.  Dr. Lewis, Tommy's mom, and Katie the reporterette also arrive.  They're all running into a buzz saw and many of their fates will be quite gory.

Will Roxy have a knockdown drag out grappling event with slasher Tommy?  Will any of the campers survive the carnage.  Will reporterette Katie get what she deserves, get in a catfight with Roxy, or get her story from Tommy?  Fun and gore!  Oh why oh why didn't Gail Kim ever do horror films (I know, irrelevant question)?  As with any Polonia Brothers film, you will have so much fun watching "Camp Murder."

Monday, July 4, 2022

Murdercise, It's Coming to Make You Sweat...and Bleed

The 1990s!  Yep...what do we all remember from the 1990s?  Right!  Before ESPN went insanely woke, we could all watch Kiana Tom's "Flex Appeal" every morning.  The sultry Polynesian babe...sweaty...and quick with pelvic thrusts, contorted stretches, and cleavage more impressive than the Grand Canyon.  I don't think anyone ever did the exercises she demonstrated.  Her costumes...shiny and big on butt floss...were carrying many an adolescent boy through puberty.  Horror and this erotic workout concept existed in a limited sense, 1988's "Death Spa," and 1987's "Killer Workout" (aka "Aerobicide").  Fear not...coming soon from A & P Films..."Murdercise."  There will be butt floss, shiny aerobic outfits, nubile and stacked babes...and blood.

Friends of this blog, Angelica De Alba and Paul Ragsdale are making this movie now.  Just so you know, the babe factor will be extreme (and I expect the costumes and blood, too).  The duo has lined up some sultry actresses such as Jordan Phipps ("Amazon Hot Box"), Jessa Flux ("Space Babes from Outer Space"), Krystal Shay ("Streets of Vengeance"), and Nina Lanee Kent ("Slashlorette Party").  I'm sure these babes will also be adorned with outfits that would make Kiana Tom moan.  At this point, do we even need a plot? assured there will be one.  It will concern Phoebe, an exercise workout video model who learns to murder...a story for out time.

I am excited as so many of Ms. De Alba's and Mr. Ragsdale films have appeared on my blog...all stupendous...and very erotic and gory.  Sweat, bleed, or just pant...there is no way you are going to want to miss this one.  Even a part of it...I did.  There is an Indeigogo campaign that offers some neat gifts for your participation.  I opted for the autographed poster.  Check it out and choose your gratuity...which will likely be gratuitous.  Click on this link to go to the "Let's Get Murdercised!" Indiegogo page MURDERCISED on INDIEGOGO  .

A throwback to the great VHS horror days and exercise workout shows is almost here.  If you never had your fill of butt floss, satin outfits, pelvic thrusts, and women models who could no way be real...join the "Murdercise" exercise campaign now.  

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Werewolf In a Girls' Dormitory, Nubile Babes in Much Peril

No one plays a damsel in distress better than Barbara Lass. When she made 1961's "Werewolf In a Girls' Dormitory," she was married to Roman Polanski...perhaps a wife in peril, as well. In this Italian horror yarn, her and a dorm full of nubile babes will be put in great danger. Oh yes, these are "at-risk" gals...meaning they are criminals, sent to this school to be rehabilitated. In much peril...from a werewolf, yes, but also from a caretaker who pimps them out for deviant sex with old geysers, and an amorous new gotta love Italian horror.
Okay, Julian Olcott (Carl Schell) has just arrived to this school as a science professor. In reality, he was a doctor at an insane asylum who fell in love with a beauty who turned into a werewolf, and then he killed her when his antidote for her didn't work. Let us not be judgmental, after all, don't we all have similar stories in our past. Back to the plot, the promiscuous Mary (Mary McNeeran) who Walter the caretaker (Luciano Pigozzi) has pimped out to old geyser Sir Alfred (Maurice Marsac), is picked apart and maybe raped by a werewolf. Julian just so happens to be an expert on werewolves, he was attacked by one, after all, so he immediately starts investigating. Also investigating is the sultry Priscilla (Lass). She knows Mary had been blackmailing Sir Alfred.
Now Priscilla finds herself in danger as a number of assorted folks want to murder her. Sir Alfred needs her dead, so does his wife, and so does the werewolf...whoever that is. Julian falls in love with Priscilla, which was the source of his downfall at his old job, and either wants to save her...or rip her to pieces...or both at the same time. Priscilla realizes she can't trust anyone and when her best friend Sandy (Michela Roc) is murdered by Walter the pimp/caretaker, she is put in even more danger. As the werewolf continues mangling and clawing, Walter and Alfred realize Priscilla has the letters that Alfred wrote to Mary. Now Priscilla agrees to be pimped to Alfred as she attempts to find clues that will implicate him...bad move.
Gratuitous and horrific, there is much to this plot. Barbara Lass is alluring and perky and we can see what Roman Polanski saw in her. Just who is the werewolf, and what does it have planned for Priscilla? Is turning into a werewolf a mere metaphor for a man's increased libido when a girl's dormitory is introduced into a plot? Are we way off base looking for a guy to be the werewolf, as most of the cast are nubile dames? Directed by Paolo Heusch, "Werewolf In a Girls' Dormitory" is a wonderful mystery/horror film with a bevy of beauties filling out the cast.

Friday, July 1, 2022

Space Vampire, She Exists to Feed and to SHower

Okay, I know.  This is an artsy-fartsy effort.  Really smart people with Ph Ds will like it a lot and give it awards at festivals.  One may even label it Bohemian.  But wait!  Bohemian or not...the vampire is a real doll.  To be more specific, it's the Kate Beckinsale kind of vampire.  You know the type...a real babe in tight, black, vinyl or latex with sexy black boots.  Bohemian or trailer trash, this kind of vampire always merits our attention.  Today we look at 2020's "Space Vampire," a Chris Alexander film.

To understand this film is to understand what a vampire is.  A blood sucker.  They exist to eat (blood).  They feed.  They're dead.  Used to be alive...but now...they're dead.  The babe vampire (Ali Chappell) in this film feeds.  She wanders and lives in a mansion.  She either lived there when she was alive, too...or snuck in and fed on the owner.  Probably, in a similar event that happened to her, she feeds on a beautiful woman in bed.  She's kind of she ends up splattered in blood.  She'll strip out of her alluring vampire get-up, and shower the blood off.

What else?  Well, the what else is in her face.  She used to be more.  Uh is apparent there is still some humanity left in her...not much.  No is all in her face.  Sad...doomed... helpless, a slave to her condition.  She'll prowl at doubt to secure blood.  Then shower (Yes!).  However inhuman she is, and however much she is a creature of the night...the trace amount of humanity inside her, a dying amount, knows she is doomed to this inhuman existence and this breaks our hearts.  This is not a "30 Days of Night" vampire...this is a babe we care about.  Sure, the tight vinyl costume and boots help with this attraction.  Make no mistake...she exists to feed.

Chris Alexander shows us the horrific and heartbreaking existence of a creature of the night who used to be human.  How she got this way is hinted at in this film and where she is destined to go is also hinted at.  By the way...the ending?  You'll see.  Some may say it is a shocking twist...but think about it.  Perhaps it changes nothing.  See "Space Vampire" and be ready to be allured and saddened.