Thursday, April 30, 2020

The Curse of the Aztec Mummy, A Useless Wrestler in Mexico

I know, he is pretty useless.The Angel! A Mexican wrestler clad in a mask and gold cape. It takes guts to wear that get up. He's as capable as the jobbers in the 1980s "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling" circuit. But! The Angel (Crox Alvarado) takes a pummeling and keeps on ticking. Unlike Vicky Victory or The Southern Bells...he gets back up. In 1957's Mexican film "The Curse of the Aztec Mummy" we are treated to a cheesy film, with an inane plot, and eventually an Aztec zombie/mummy. If you can't find reruns of G.L.O.W. matches on YouTube, tune this one in.
Okay, mad-scientist/crime-lord Dr. Krupp (Luis Aceves Castaneda), aka 'The Bat', is sprung from prison. This fiend has a the treasures of an Aztec pyramid. To do this he kidnaps the pretty Flora (Rosita Arenas). She is promised to a guy old enough to be her dad, Dr. Almada (Ramon Gay). Actually, I couldn't help thinking she might be better off with Krupp. Dr. Krupp hypnotizes her so that she will tell them where the pyramid is, and the chamber containing the treasure.
The Angel, who was supposed to be protecting her...I guess he was now determined to rescue Flora. As The Angel reaches Dr. Krupp's hide out he gets the snot kicked out of him and is left to be eaten by snakes. Now the thugs and Krupp have Flora lead them to the pyramid where they will accidentally awaken an Aztec mummy charged with protecting the treasure. The Angel escapes from the snakes, arrives at the pyramid and is quickly over powered and taken prisoner Tina Ferari, already! After another beat-down,  The Angel and Flora are slated for execution as everyone flees the mummy. Uh oh...the mummy is obedient to his gods and is determined to wreak vengeance on anyone who raided the Aztec treasure.
Will The Angel be able to connect with a lucky right and perhaps, in some some small way, help Flora escape? Does The Angel have any shot against a rotting and decomposing Aztec mummy? Could Chief Jay Strongbow have done any better of a job against the evil Dr. Krupp? Hollywood needs to scrap their stupid superhero remakes, especially that ghastly "Wonder Woman" garbage, and remake "Curse of the Aztec Mummy" and cast Gail Kim or one of those WOW babes. Do yourself a favor and take in "The Curse of the Aztec Mummy."

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Retrograde, Dolph Lundgren and Time Travel

Today we have the best film ever made in Luxembourg. An ambitious Dolph Lundgren epic in which he is shirtless a lot and grunts. Add in a plague that threatens to wipe out humanity and deadly meteors in Antarctica...and we have a good one. Admittedly, not much cheesecake here but you ladies will love the buff Dolph Lundgren. Hence 2004's "Retrograde," directed by Christopher Kulikowski.
200 years into the future, humanity is being overtaken by a plague. A team is assembled to travel back 200 years and collect and destroy the meteorites that unleashed the scourge. John (Lundgren) captains the time-travel expedition. His family has just died of the plague. Uh oh, Dalton (Joe Montana...not that one), tries to take over the ship as he wants to control the deadly plague and thus rule the world. The ship crashes in Antarctica near an ice cutter with a scientific crew looking for meteorites. The crew of the ice cutter find the crashed spaceship and a wounded John. The crew brings John back to their ship a long with plague-meteorites. The infections start and some of the crew are overtaken and turn into violent monsters. John is immune and he gets better just in time to help the crew fight off Dalton's invasion.
As Dalton seeks to kill everyone and steal the plague-meteorites, John teams up with the very sweet Renee (Silvia De Santis). She won't be much help, but she is sweet. As Dalton goes through the ice cutter crew like crap through a goose, as does the plague, John grunts and shows off his pecs. Many will die but the entire planet will die if John doesn't repel Dalton and destroy the meteorites.
Will the buff John and the sweet Renee enjoy pre-marital sex amidst a battle to save humanity? If successful, will John's plague stricken wife and child get to live, albeit 200 years into the future? Is this film the definitive statement on the ethos of Luxembourg and their peoples? If a grunting and flexing Dolph Lundgren excite you, enjoy "Retrograde," and remember, the future of mankind emanates from Luxembourg.

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Dreamaniac, A Succubus and a Sorority Party

Yep, when a succubus arrives at a sorority party...well, we all know what follows. Castration, knives through the head, and some really deviant sex. There will be an enormous amount of cheesecake and beefcake...though most of them will die horribly...usually during or right after pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex and a sorority...who would have figured? Today we look at 1986's "Dreamaniac," directed by David DeCoteau.
Idiot Adam (Thomas Bern) conjures up a succubus, Lily ( Sylvia Summers). He's a heavy metal musician and I guess summoning up demons is what they do in their spare time. His girlfriend Pat (Ashlyn Gere) is a real sweetheart and loves having pre-marital sex with him. Adam rents a spare room at Pat's sister Jodi's (Lauren Peterson) house...also a real doll. Bad move by Jodi, she throws a sorority party and all the babe sisters will attend with their assorted boy sex-toys. Also arriving is the sultry Lily, clad in a blue satin party dress.
The party is awkward and sad as the sorority gals decide to play charades...really. What if you don't want to play charades? Right...its a sorority so many will pair off for wild pre-marital sex...and then die horribly. Lily begins seducing the guys and ends up either biting off their tally-whackers or stabbing them through the head. One notable couple, Jan (Linda Denise Martin) and Foster (Matthew Phelps), smear whipped cream all over themselves during pre-marital sex and will be viciously killed by Lily. As babes continue to die horribly and hunks follow suit, Pat and Jodi will have to sober up to not only battle the sultry and evil Lily, but also the increasingly possessed and homicidal Adam.
Will the sultry Lily end up in cat-fights with the beautiful Pat and other sorority sisters? Of course! Will Lily end up biting off Adam's tally-whacker or would that be biting off the proverbial hand that feeds her? Is it any surprise that charades would lead to deviant pre-marital sex with whipped cream? This is a gory one with many kills and once again, the beautiful die so horribly. For some very nice 1980s demonic slasher action, check out "Dreamaniac."

Saturday, April 25, 2020

The Tell Tale Heart, Betrayed by Madness

The mad do have stories to tell. What great story tellers they are. These insaniacs have heightened senses that most of us can only wonder about. Their interpretations and metaphors are succinct and fostering and us schmucks would do well to take heed of them. After all, it is the norms set by us schmucks that make it difficult for these self-proclaimed geniuses to flourish. If only we'd understand them and admired them when we should...then they could get away with murder. Hence McClain Lindquists's 22 minute interpretation of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell Tale Heart."
Our mad man (Sonny Grimsley) is the caretaker of a very old and sick man. You know the story...perhaps you read it as a child, or in college, or heard an old radio adaptation of it. Haunting and horrific, the story easily causes us all nightmares. Our caretaker here is seemingly neat, tidy, careful, in full control of his faculties. He, of course, has just murdered and sliced up the man with the vulture eye (James C. Morris). His calmness and fastidiousness will surely convince the two cops (Mikah Olsen and Teren Turner) that their visit to the old man's home is a wasted endeavor.
As our caretaker attempts to assuage his police visitors, his heightened senses work to betray him. The concept of time and the realization that the old man's vulture eye was never his antagonist won't bode well for the fastidious insaniac. A hacksaw and a meat cleaver will supply some nice gore as Mr. Lindquist delivers a short film that Poe would have loved. Creepy, edgy, and claustrophobic, we have a mad man narrator just waiting to explode in insane desperation. The scenes are interspersed with great coordination as all the elements Poe wanted to deliver to us are ever present in this adaptation.
Where Hammer Films delivered us Poe stories in an almost comic-book and fun manner, Mr. Lindquist gives us an intense, fast-paced, gory, and mesmerizing version of "The Tell Tale Heart." Madness rules and plenty of gore and hacksaw images remind us that when the insane bluff their way into the lives of the sane...spurting blood will result. For a raucous and full-speed horror yarn, enjoy McClain Lindquist's "The Tell Tale Heart,"...E.A. Poe would have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Friday, April 24, 2020

Murder in Miami, Gratuitous and Sultry...and Gory

She's a real dish! Supermodel Stella (Nicole Marcos)! She arrives home to her luxury flat overlooking Miami's South Beach. Clad in a sleek, satin party dress and looking good. Quickly she sheds her dress, walks around nude, knowing how good she sad. As she drapes a see-through negligee over her shoulders, the killer strikes. He pummels her and burns her face off...then throws her off the balcony, hence the 2014 film "Murder in Miami" begins.
Beautiful models in Miami are being horribly murdered. Really bloody murders, kind of like a 1970s Giallo film. Suspects? Oh yes, a good one. The cops are keying in on a fashion photographer, James (Joseph Myers). He was the last to see Stella alive and of course had pre-marital sex with her. James is a real jerk to women, abusing them, using them, and casting them aside. The sultry Avril (Jocelyn Binder) is next, she'll die just like Janet Leigh did in "Psycho," except this scene will be in full color. Yep, James was intimate with her too just before her murder. No one believes James except his weird sugar-mama Lana (Bambi la Fleur), who just happens to be insanely jealous at his flings with supermodels.
Supermodels and strippers, all who have had pre-marital sex with James will continue to die horribly. The cops are closing in on James and now he is trying to figure out who is framing him. Then Rachel (Caroline Guiterrez) appears. She is Stella's sister and believes James is the murderer. He convinces her otherwise and now the duo play sleuth. Uh oh...apparently the supermodels had more in common than just pre-marital sex with James and what that is puts Rachel and James in horrible danger. As James and Rachel start figuring things out, more than just the beautiful will die horribly.
Why do the mega-sultry die so horribly in these films? Even if he isn't the murderer, will James the misogynist get whats coming to him? Why do beautiful supermodels strip and shower whenever a homicidal lunatic shows up? This is a bloody and vicious one with so many gratuitous sex and blood scenes...which is all great, of course. For an arousal of your prurient nature, see "Murder in Miami," directed by Will Vazquez.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Bite, From Babe to Bug

You ladies know the score. Escape to an exotic beach, drink a lot, traipse around in bikinis non-stop, drink some more, engage in pre-marital sex, get bitten by a bug...turn into a monster. If this sounds all too familiar, then I have a film for you to watch, 2015's "Bite," directed by Chad Archibald. This will be quite icky and many of the beautiful will be turned into not so beautiful puss bags...I guess we can say that is a striking metaphor for real life.
Babe Casey (Elma Bergovic) is getting married to the hunk Jared (Jordan Gray). Before the nuptials, she flies down to Costa Rica with her two BFFs, Jill (Annette Wozniak) and Kirsten (Denise Yuen). The three will party non-stop, drink to excess, prance around in some nice bikinis, and have pre-marital sex with a surfer hunk. Oh yeah, they go off the map to a swimming hole where Casey gets bitten on the hip by...something. Uh oh, Casey has lost her engagement ring and isn't sure she wants to marry Jared.
Fast forward, back in New York. The bite mark is starting to look interesting ans you can probably guess what's happening. Hint; think Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly." The metamorphosis is quite icky and now Casey's sense of humanity is slipping. Puss, ooze, skin blemishes...then all hell breaks loose. The pretty Casey is no longer pretty and now her two pretty friends will find themselves in mortal danger. Oh yeah, Jared? Casey realizes that she may have good reason not to marry this guy, but as a bug, her means to deal with that will also be quite icky. As we quickly dive into ickiness (if that's a word), some beautiful women will die horribly and Casey will be full of more surprises.
What will be in store for Casey's two buddies, Kirsten and Jill? Just what will become of the wedding between Casey and Jared? Exactly what is in store for us and the ickiness factor once Casey's transformation is complete? This is a good one and so many horrific images will cause you to turn your head a time or two. In another horror flick where the beautiful die so horribly, one may term this film a cross between "Repulsion" and "The Fly." For an icky good time, enjoy "Bite." 

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Literature Review (Comic): Hard Body Issue 1

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is a brilliant piece of literature as its central theme is pertinent to us all and how we view ourselves in this universe. Though the 'Frankenstein theme' may work for us on a philosophical lever, a more profound understanding of creating something so much better than ourselves may be on rampant display as we traipse through the grocery store, or hair salons...or even the fitness club. Our measure of perfection and greatness is altered and becomes a perverse crusade to reach excellence. Hence Fred Schwartz' new comic book Hard Body.
We can't go wrong with a mad scientist in comics, and Mr. Schwartz gives us the diminutive Dr. Vijay Mittal. He's brilliant and has a great experiment which is currently being undertaken. As our story begins, Vijay will meet strongman/hard body Andrew Colby, who has just placed in a competition. Our mad doctor is most impressed with Colby's calves and feeds on the brute's frustration of failing to win. Guess what! Without banned substances or HGH, Vijay has a way for Mr. Colby to perfect his body...well...sort of. Colby bites and the madness begins.
We see Vijay's backstory and understand his desires.  His work-out sessions at the gym aren't yielding him promised results. Knowing there has to be a way of attaining the perfect hard body, Vijay goes all out Victor Frankenstein...much to the gory demise of so many of the most muscular men in the world. The brilliant illustrations (Savy Lim, Victor Moya, and Martin Hernandez Tena) show us our body building Adonis' and also the gym babes that desire them. Eroticism is a definite part of this work as is intense and gory horror. As Vijay dives into his desire to create the perfect body...his ultimate plans will be shocking and nightmarish...and may just turn the gym babes into bikini clad damsels in much distress. Gotta love the exploitation aspect of this horror comic.
Mr. Schwartz' storytelling prowess, coupled with the vivid and piercing artwork of the illustrating team make Hard Body, Volume 1 a necessary addition to any horror comic collector. More importantly, like Mary Shelley, Mr. Schwartz' work has a warning for all of us as he reminds us of the dangers our lustful eyes can entrap us in as we go to the gym for our daily workouts. Any retailer who would like to carry this comic can reach out to Mr. Schwartz at To purchase this work on iTunes, click on this link HARD BODY 

Monday, April 20, 2020

Burning Bright, Tiger vs. Babe

Briana Evigan is one of those actresses that makes movies we actually want to see. Sure, we have to pretend to have seen and liked Oscar-nominated bore-athons. In reality, we don't and secretly yearn for films that will excite and titillate. In 2010's "Burning Bright," we have an epic that shows us what it would look like if "Rain Man" was a horror show. Directed by Carlos Brooks, and featuring real tigers in the filming, this Briana Evigan film is horrific and touching.
Kelly (Evigan) is a pure saint. After her mom's death, she becomes the caretaker of her severely autistic ten year old brother, Tom (Charlie Tahan). Her world is about to crumble as she will have to bypass a college scholarship because her arrangements to put Tom in an institution fall through. Now she is facing a prospect of caring for her brother 24 hours a day for the rest of her life. Even worse, Tom is so severely autistic, he is incapable of showing any love or appreciation to Kelly and her sacrifice. Kelly's stepdad, Johnny (Garret Dillahunt), stole her savings and has taken out a mega-life insurance policy on her and Tom. With the stolen funds Johnny buys a serial killer tiger for his safari theme park.
The hurricane hits. Kelly and Tom are seemingly safe in their boarded up house. Uh oh, the house has been so well boarded up that there is no way out...and Johnny has released the tiger inside it, as well. As Kelly has dreams of doing all sorts of awful things to Tom, she wakes frightened of what she may have been fantasizing. No matter, as the tiger begins stalking her and Tom, she becomes his protector. Unable to process reality, Kelly must use her history and relationship with Tom to protect him and manipulate him into acting to survive. Kelly's protection of Tom is a chance at redemption for all her recent awful thoughts. With no way out, Kelly will have to turn from prey to hunter, but the tiger is a born hunter...and it hasn't eaten in two weeks. Tom's autism provides a challenge for Kelly and seems to foil her attempts at besting the toothy tormentor.
Kelly's relationship with Tom is intense and touching. Those caring for a severely autistic child, or adult, will have tears in their eyes. Will Kelly survive and be able to face her homicidal stepfather? Will Tom, if Kelly saves him, ever show any kind of love or appreciation to Kelly? Are the tiger and hurricane vicious metaphors for our futile existence that has us never learning to co-exist with weather and our animal compadres? So listen up Spike Lee and Ang Lee...your films are garbage and no one actually likes them! Give us Briana Evigan and the modern day B movie, and enjoy "Burning Bright," and perhaps envision this as the 21st Century version, albeit a more vicious one, of "B.J. and the Bear."

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Thirst, Vampire Dairy in Australia

You want to be a vampire? Goths aside, most would say no. Saying no, however, may not be an answer readily accepted. There are, apparently, a select few who are destined for this lifestyle...especially those direct descendants of  Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Throw in a human blood farm, a gratuitous shower in blood scene, and some fangs and we have a neat horror flick from Australia, 1979's "Thirst," directed by Rod Hardy.
Kate (Chantal Contouri) is a sultry and wealthy cosmetics executive. Unbeknownst to her, she is also a direct descendant of Countess Bathory. Unfortunately for our beauty, a cult of vampires, who run a human blood dairy, want her to mate with a schmuck named Hodge (Max Phipps). Guess who Hodge is a direct descendant of. They abduct Kate with the goal of getting her to accept her vampire heritage and to mate with the milquetoast Hodge. Two doctors feud over Kate and her treatment. The evil Mrs. Barker (Shirley Cameron) desires a shock treatment...scaring and brainwashing her into desiring blood. The handsome and suave Dr. Fraser (David Hemmings) desires a gentle treatment, as he might be falling in love with the babe.
Kate is shown the operation as the dairy farm has hundreds of half dead humans who constantly have their blood drained. Also, satanic masses occur at midnight. revving up for an ultimate mass when it is hoped that Kate will plant her fangs into some poor schmuck. As the doctors feud continues, intense psychological warfare is waged against Kate in order to force her to accept her vampire destiny. Her escape attempts are thwarted and betrayals will abound. Kate will give us some gratuitous and bloody nudity, pre-marital sex scenes, and incredible damsel in much distress action. As Kate seems destined to fall to her toothy fate, a vampire civil war at the dairy may just save her.
Will the sultry Kate be conquered and turned into a modern Countess Bathory? Just what are Dr. Fraser's intentions in going soft on the sultry cosmetics executive? Is the depiction of human masses as blood cows for an elite race of beings a gratuitous metaphor for the government of Australia's desire to turn all its citizens into mindless and obedient drones? For a good and gratuitous vampire story, enjoy the erotic and bloody "Thirst." 

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Bad Reputation, I Spit On Your High School

Rape/revenge films have heartened many of us through the years. The twisted franchise of "I Spit On Your Grave" has empowered female characters and created a blur on the line that separates sexploitation and misogyny from feminist empowerment. Let's take a look at 2005's "Bad Reputation," directed by Jim Hemphill, where rape/revenge and castrations come to public high schools, although metaphorically they have been there for years.
Awkward loner Michelle (Angelique Hennessy) has moved to town and a new high school. She is also a babe and star quarterback Aaron (Jerad Anderson) asks her to his party. Michelle hesitantly agrees and is immediately targeted by other jocks and cheerleaders. She shows up and is given the date rape drug and Aaron rapes the snot out of her along with his buddies. Now gang raped and humiliated, the mostly unconscious Michelle is quite a sight in Aaron's bed. Debbie (Dakota Ferreiro) and Heather (Kristina Conzen) don't want to believe their boyfriends wanted sex with her over them so concoct a plan to portray Michelle as the world's horniest nympho-slut. The cheerleaders duct tape her to a tree and write crude words on her for everyone to see.
Back at school, the gals have been busy and now everyone at the school believes Michelle is a nympho-slut. Even Michelle's guidance counselor believes it and tries to put moves on her. As no one believed Michelle's story about being date raped, she decides on a different method. Michelle now sluts all up, tight skirt, fishnets, and tight sweater, she embarks on a seduction campaign. Those she seduces will meet with castration, decapitation, and anal rape. Oh yes...those evil cheerleaders? They won't fare much better.
Just what will Michelle do with her new collection of severed tally-whackers? Is this film a dire warning to a public school system enslaved to standardized testing? Is "Bad Reputation" an anthem to youthful feminism or a misogynistic invasion into modern John Hughes-type films?  This is a graphic horror story and the elongated humiliation and rape of Michelle may be too much for some to watch. Enjoy the feel good film of 2005, "Bad Reputation."

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Dead & Rotting, A Morality Fable and a Witch...or Two

Never kick a hornets nest...and never kick a witch when she is down. Why? I guess we all have those stories in our past when maybe we had one too many Heinekens and decided to screw with the neighborhood hag. We all remember the chore it was to floss maggots out of our teeth the next day and the parasites that exploded out of all our orifices. I hate when that happens. Why can't witches look like Debbie Rochon, shiny and wet, climbing out of a bathtub? Oh wait... Today we look at 2002's "Dead & Rotting," from Full Moon Entertainment.
Three blokes with too much time on their hands start a low-level feud with the county witch, Abigail (Barbara Katz-Norrod). Fun and games at first, but when the trio hire two schmucks to do their bidding, the feud turns into World War III. The escalated feud has Abigail finding a rotting curse and a potion. Now the old hag turns into a sultry seductress (Rochon) in a very gratuitous and shimmering scene. Hollis (Stephen O'Mahoney), J.B. (Tom Hoover), and Eric (Trent Haaga), our three blokes, have no idea what is about to come their way. Yep...Debbie Rochon, the seductress. She'll seduce them so easily and quickly has wild deviant sex with all condoms. The guys are walking on air after their night in the sack.
The seductress returns to her witch's lair and births three icky and slimy'll see. After a few magic moves, the three icky things turn into murderous ghouls and hunt the blokes. As the blokes are again seduced by our seductress, the ghouls move in. Now a fate worse than death is heaped on our trio and Hollis needs to figure out a way to battle the irate witch. Enter another babe witch, Rose (Tammi Sutton). What happens next will pit Hollis against the seductress in a move to perhaps save his buddies and kill the beauty.
Will Hollis be able to save his friends, fend off the ghouls, and kill the seductress? As two babe witches, will we see Rose and Abigail the seductress engage in a gratuitous cat-fight? Does this film serve as a feminist anthem extolling the strength of determined women against the misogynistic movie making industry? Okay, that last one was a bit out there. Perhaps a tale of warning against messing with witchcraft, or maybe just a fun horror film with some gratuitous seduction and icky gore...either way, "Dead & Rotting" (directed by David P. Barton) is fast-paced and so much fun.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

First Man Into Space, Spaceman Turned Monster

Sultry nurses in white! A province of old films and 1970s exploitation. They don't fare well in horror films (we all remember Nurse Carol's unfortunate hot-tub demise in "Halloween 2"). No actress was ever more beautiful as an 'angel in white' than Sheree Winton. Sadly, this sultry English actress took her own life at the age of 40 by a drug overdose. Even sadder is her demise in 1959's "First Man Into Space." Only in the film for 15 seconds, her portrayal of a babe-nurse in white is cut so short when she happens upon a creature from outer-space. She'll be shredded and her formerly white uniform will undoubtedly turn blood red.
Navy test-pilot Dan (Bill Edwards) pilots experimental rocket-planes into space. During the test of the Y-12 rocket he goes 250 miles up and travels through mysterious meteor dust. He loses conscious and the Y-12 crash lands near the Mexican border.  Hunk, Navy Commander Chuck (Marshall Thompson) races to find the rocket. Chuck is also Dan's brother. Uh oh, to find the rocket he must follow a trail of mutilated cattle. Dan finds the rocket, but not Dan. Dan is now a space-creature in need of blood. Naturally his first stop is a hospital blood bank. He drinks all of the bank's blood and also that of the aforementioned sultry sad.
Also eager to get Dan back is the beautiful aviation medicine scientist, Tia (Marla Landi). Tia and Dan have swapped a lot of spit pre-creature days. Tia and Chuck follow the trail of blood, not realizing the creature is making his way back to Tia's lab. More will be drained of blood and before this is all over, the most beautiful receptionist ever put in movies, Helen Forrest, will have a run in with the monster.
Is the fate of Sheree Winton's nurse in white a metaphor of what lays in store for beautiful young actresses entering the buzz-saw that is Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood? Will Dan get his reunion with the beautiful Tia, and if so, will Tia's blood be drained, too? Do all aviation medicine scientists look like Tia? This is a terrific space monster film with a hopeful ending that encourages man to explore space. Interestingly, Dan turning into a blood seeking, crazed fiend never deterred young children to wish and hope about becoming astronauts and space explorers, however, the dull space shuttle program bought off on by NASA in the late 70s did. For a neat creature feature, see "First Man Into Space," directed by Robert Day.

Friday, April 10, 2020

The Dawn, Evil On the Way

A sultry nun in a convent story? Well...Devanny Pinn is a sultry actress, and we do have a convent...but not quite. Let's all get our minds out of the gutter...sure Satan or something evil comes a calling to a beautiful young nun, but that does not mean she will end up lesbian raping the other nuns, or tearing the priests apart limb from limb...or even soiling the town's virgins...why would you think that? Okay, I get it, because you read this blog. Today we have something more serious, and a lot less gory and gratuitous...or do we?  Hence 2019's "The Dawn," directed by Brandon Slagle.
The film opens and it is 1922. William (Jonathan Bennett), a troubled man, bludgeons his whole family to death in their sleep...but why? That is a great question and it may be the essence of this film. But wait! There was a survivor...the oldest daughter Rose (Teilor Grubbs). Why and how did she survive? That may be the essence of this film...deja vu? Ten years later and Rose (Devanny Pinn) has grown into a beautiful nun, almost ready to take her final vows. Her best friend, Ella (Stacey Dash) will take them soon. She has found a new family and warmth in this convent and the evil that ruined her childhood and family is no more.
Uh oh...spoke to soon. Its coming and its coming back fast...that evil that possessed her dad to murder the family. Is that evil also a part of Rose, just bursting to come out? That's what Rose is wondering as she begins to hear voices and have...well, urges. Is she born of the same evil that her dad had, or is Satan looking to possess her? The Reverend Mother Agnes (Heather Wynters) and Father Henry (Andrew E. Wheeler) believe possession might be occurring...but is it? Oh yes, Father Jeremiah (Ryan Kiser), a junior priest, has a strange attraction to Rose and seems quite the rebel. As Rose prays, the evil seems to get stronger and now she considers eschewing God and perhaps turning to some pagan do you think that will go?
Is the lovely Rose destined to become the murderer her dad became? Because this film appears on this blog will there be a gratuitous nun cat-fight? Is the evil that rips through this convent a metaphor for the scandals that have plagued the Catholic church over the past few decades? The true nature of evil is examined here. Does the devil make us do it, or is evil something more carnal? Oh yes...the surprise very closely and it may not be such a surprise. Watch "The Dawn," and be ready to examine the evil that permeates your own life.

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

El Monstro Del Mar!, Tentacled Sea Creature Eats Australia

What if Russ Meyer had a crack at making "Humanoids From the Deep"? Yep, the 2010 Australian film "El Monstro Del Mar!" Three psychopathic babes, in which at least two are bi-sexual, traipse through the east coast, leaving bloody carnage and slit throats of male schmucks along their trail. A beautiful story of bad girls behaving badly who eventually come up against a good girl and a slimy, humongous, tentacled sea monster.
Three Goth-type vixens are on the run after murdering many men...who might have deserved their fate...or maybe not. Beretta (Nelli Scarlet) is their leader and also along for the bloody ride is her lover Snowball (Kate Watts) and Blondie (Karlie Madden). Needing to lay low for a few days, the trio end up in a coastal town in a little house next to the ocean. Living next door is Joseph (Norman Yemm), a grouchy old man in a wheelchair who yells at them a lot. The gals don bikinis and frolic in the surf, while playing loud music and partying. This drives Joseph into a rage as he insists they get out of the water. Returning home is Joseph's granddaughter, Hannah (Kyrie Nunan), a sweet and clean-cut 17 year old.
During the night Hannah is sent over to the gals' place to ask them to keep it down. They corrupt her with alcohol. Over night several fishermen are ripped apart by a tentacled sea behemoth. Uh oh...the next morning Snowball is missing. Blondie and Beretta will go look for Snowball and find the fishermen in pieces on the beach. They'll find Snowball but she didn't fare much better. Now Joseph scolds Hannah to stay out of the water. Upset at the fate of Snowball the now duo accost Hannah and Joseph with knives...and the behemoth-tentacled thing is right behind behind them.
Will the sweet Hannah and her invalid grandfather have to fear the monster more...or the psycho-Goths? What did the psycho-Goths do that brought on the creature's wrath? Is the fugitive plight of the psycho-Goths, mixed with the carnage inflicted by the behemoth a mere metaphor for Australia's misogynistic culture and the fate of strong-willed women Down Under?  Directed by Stuart Simpson, this is a gritty and prurient film exposing Australia's backwards social evolution (okay...that's stupid...but that's probably what they teach in Feminist Studies Departments at Aussie universities).

Monday, April 6, 2020

Interview of Juan Diaz, aka El Sapo Blanco

Juan Diaz is a talented filmmaker who has a passion for for bringing a bygone era back to us. His creation of the El Sapo Blanco superhero is a throwback to the El Santo wrestling hero (luchador) from the Mexican B movies of the 1950s. The hero isn't politically correct, confident, macho, and always victorious. Mr. Diaz was kind enough to take a few moments to speak to me and be interviewed on Zisi Emporium for B Movies.
CJZ:  El Sapo Blanco is such a neat character.  Did your love for the Mexican wrestling hero, or his films inspire it?
Juan Diaz: Thank you. I grew up watching the old "El Santo"/ "Blue Demon"/ "Mil Mascaras" movies. It was fascinating to me how they were always called by the authorities or scientists to help solve a case, or destroy a monster or two.  What made them so special? Because they were Luchadors.

CJZ: Today's wrestling fans probably have no concept of the Santo or Sampson or The Angel. They're understanding of wrestling is the WWE or Vince McMahon's modern creation. Santo's masked wrestler inspired something more pristine. I his brand of masked wrestler/matinee idol/superhero gone forever?
Juan Diaz: I think there was an honor in these Luchadors, akin to the Samurai. They brought the violence when necessary but always maintained honor.  I consider El Sapo on par  with the likes of Flash Gordon, and The Phantom, etc.  Matinee idols that ruled television, the airwaves (radio plays), and theaters (cliffhangers and serials) back in the 40s and 50s.

CJZ: El Sapo is a matinee idol/B movie hero trapped in working/middle class America... does he have a driving maxim? Or what propels him to fight evil mad-scientists, monster bugs, and aliens?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo Blanco's mindset is, "it's the right thing to do." He has proudly taken the mantle of doing what is right. If that means fighting monsters, or evil scientists, then so be it. He doesn't do it for the glory, either. He doesn't want credit. He just wants to fight evil.

CJZ:  Those evil bugs, monsters, and aliens are so finely captured in special effects. Their introduction into El Sapo Blanco videos serve to make the masked hero larger than life. Talk about those special f/x and how intricate they are in the production of your videos.
Juan Diaz: The special effects help me bring the creatures/foes to life. Because the budget is so low, I utilize special effects apps (FX Guru, MovieRide FX, Action Movie FX, etc.) as well as green screen. Of course, El Santo's old movies used practical effects, but I feel I bring the spirit of those films even though the creatures are more modernized. Also, I like to imagine how would El Santo  deal with bugs, or giant worms as those things were not so prevalent in his films.

CJZ: We've seen El Sapo Blanco's tender side, especially with his kids. Is there romance or a sultry babe in store for him?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo loves children. He's taken an infant under his wing, Prince Jaxxston (from alien slugworms), because he is the sole heir to the Xan Empire and the child has no one else. Very similar to "The Lone Wolf and Cub" films. There is romance in El Sapo's future.

CJZ: What kind of budget do these videos have? Are we talking akin to "Jurassic Park" or more like that of purchasing a comic book?
Juan Diaz: The budgets are zero budgeted. Just time and passion. I literally use my iPhone to shoot, edit, and add f/x. I also compose most of the music. I use my voice to add some of the sound effects, as well. I also recycle old footage from El  Sapo's previous adventures (a la Roger Corman or Lloyd Kaufman).

CJZ: El Sapo Blanco seems to be a target. Are you thinking of giving him a cape to fly to other places to find monsters, more mad-scientists, or maybe other planets?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo has flown to other planets and dimensions, but he knows he has a problem magnet as he knows evildoers will try to dispatch him. He has no real secret identity and its widely known where he lives, so he just waits for trouble to come to his doorstep. The world he lives in is not our world. Its an alternate world where monsters exist.

CJZ: What inspired you to reach back to the 1950s Mexico in order to give us your masked fighter of evil? Have you been able to connect with many fans of those old Mexican films?
Juan Diaz: I felt those old 50s movies had innocence in them. That's why my movies really don't have nudity, sex, nor foul language. It's not that they're kid friendly, but its more because those old films didn't have to use those elements. Just fun stories and good action. I sincerely hope fans of those old films can enjoy my films, but I make these films for anyone to enjoy, regardless if the viewer knows of  Mexican cinema or Luchador movies.
CJZ: Selfishly speaking (hey, I'm a guy), Santo always rescues sultry babes clad in white negligees... will we see any of that with El Sapo Blanco?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo feels like he saves everybody, so he doesn't believe in concentrating on sultry babes, but hey, who knows?

CJZ: If an A-list director offered you millions for the rights to El Sapo Blanco and gave you control of the cast, who would play the masked hero, who would be the lead villain, and yes... who would be the damsel in distress?
Juan Diaz: I would use Liam Neeson as the lead, as I envision El Sapo Blanco as an aging, retired Luchador, who found his calling in fighting evil late in life. He's a broken man. He's had numerous injuries from his many matches, thereby retired. The villain would have to be Paul Reubens, as the nefarious Dr. Fantom, the mastermind behind all of the attacks. Fantom is trying to wear El Sapo down because he knows he can't best him one on one. The damsel would be Tina Fey as El Sapo's physical therapist/love interest. The film would be played straight and letting the humor come out of the situations. Think of films like "Machete," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Toxic Avenger," "The Mask of Zorro," "Planet Terror," and "Danger Diabolik." That sort of irreverent spirit and action.

NOTE FROM CJZ: Recent YouTube videos from El Sapo Blanco have indeed put our hero into outer space.
Juan Diaz demonstrates an inanity with a purpose in his videos. As an example, take a look at The Invisible Man Returns as an example of a dry wit while conveying the nonchalance of the famous 1950s era luchador. The story is humorous, B cinema (all the way), and filled with homage to a bygone era of horror and adventure. The cheesy special f/x are precious and the confidence and bravado exhibited by El Sapo Blanco perfectly captures the 1950s hero...and perhaps, in some sense, makes us all long for this type of hero in our era of milquetoast metrosexual heroes.

To see dozens more videos of the aforementioned hero see and subscribe to his YouTube channel by clicking this link: ZBudget Director

Destroyer, The Rape, Torture and Murder of Vanna White

The rape, murder, and torture of Vanna White? That's why Lyle Alzado is in the electric chair in 1988's "Destroyer." Oh yeah, to make matters worse, after Vanna White, Lyle Alzado will try to do the same to "Valley Girl" Deborah Foreman! How horrible. Throw in Anthony Perkins as a movie director shooting a women-in-prison sexploitation flick in an abandoned prison and we have a vicious and unforgiving horror film.
After raping, torturing, and murdering a Vanna White character (Cathy Eberhard) and 22 others, Ivan (Alzado) is executed in an electric chair. His execution inspires a riot at the corrupt prison and many guards and inmates will die. But wait! Is Ivan dead? 18 months later Robert (Anthony Perkins) is filming a women in chains exploitation epic at the prison. Susan (Foreman) is his stunt lady and she is having weird nightmares that Ivan is after her. Her boyfriend, David (Clayton Rohner) assures her Ivan is dead. The leading babe in the film is Sharon Fox (Lannie Garrett), and she is a real bitch. Then the murders start as Ivan seems to be very alive. A blow torch fries the former warden, a corrupt cop will be taken apart by a jackhammer, and even the electric chair will beset some of the film crew.
As Ivan continues to torment Susan, no one believes Susan is in danger. Bombshell actress Sharon will catch Ivan's eye and Ivan has special plans for her. As Robert films his massive cat-fight-in-the-shower scenes, Ivan watches and is aroused. Now he is exploding to do all sorts of perverted and awful acts on the perky stunt-woman...and he will have that opportunity. As Susan must now face Ivan, she will be pummeled, licked, groped, and tortured...but she has fight in her. Oh yeah, David? Who cares!?
Will Susan escape the tortuous and humiliating fate the game show hostess and B movie scream-queen endured? Does the diminutive and sultry valley girl have any prayer against the Oakland Raider brute? Did this film ensure that the Raiders would eventually move out of Oakland into Las Vegas as the people of Oakland rebel against misogyny?  This is a good one and is extremely brutal. At times it is difficult to watch what Lyle Alzado does to our favorite valley girl. Not for fans of "Wheel of Fortune," but for all others, enjoy "Destroyer," directed by Robert Kirk.

Saturday, April 4, 2020

The Final Scream, Casting and Torture Porn

Okay, I admit it...this film has flaws. This begs a great, age old question; Is gory torture porn and a sultry final girl enough to overcome any flaw? Of course! Hence 2019's "The Final Scream," directed by Scott Jeffrey. Perhaps this is a dramatic exaggeration of an industry infected with the Harvey Weinstein mindset, or perhaps it is just gratuitous and deviant horror, in any event, we are left with a neat slasher film where so many of the beautiful will die so horribly.
Kia (Kate Lister) is an aspiring actress desperately holding onto the dream of making it in pictures. With little cause for hope, she is desperate and accepts a casting call from a shady website. She is offered the part as the final girl in Tim's (Marc Ozall) low budget slasher film. She will play a bride who is stalked in the woods along with her beautiful bridesmaids. She's excited and so is Tim. Kia will star in the film and Tim will have his cast...for a snuff film. See, Tim is not only a pervert, but also a deviant homicidal maniac. He desires to strap each gal down and torture them with...well, you'll see. And see it you will.
Slow on the uptake, Kia begins acting for the camera and eventually gets suspicious...too late. Now Kia is in the role of her life, but her new role better be of commando if she hopes to survive. Ah good news, her sultry lesbian lover Reece (Becca Hirani), and her agent figure things out and race to the remote location. Bad news...more victims for Tim. As bridesmaids and other lovelies are strung up or strapped down, power drills and pliers are brought out. Now Kia is on the run but with the emergence of Reece as a prisoner, she must return and try to save her...and of course kill Tim and his crew. The sultry Kia will give us some gratuitous scenes as the end credits approach, and Tim will get increasingly deranged and angry.
Will the sultry Kia emerge as a final girl or will Tim's snuff film be made on schedule? Will the sultry Kia's lesbian relationship with the sultry Reece be exploited by either Tim...or the actual makers of "The Final Scream"? Ms. Lister as Kia is the strength of this film and plays to the camera very well, you guys will love watching her. Scenes of icky torture will abound with some neat kills interspersed (car keys and hedge-clippers galore). For a gruesome good time with gore and cheesecake, enjoy "The Final Scream."