Feed the Gods, Bigfoot as a Deity

When the gods are fed, sacrifices abound.  Modern cinema has done done away with virgin sacrifices, finally admitting there are no virgins to be sacrificed here in American cinema.  Don't fret, today's film has a couple of babes...and Bigfoots that want to eat them.  So all you Bigfoot fans, today's feature is 2014's "Feed the Gods," directed by Braden Croft.

Somewhere in the wilds of the Pacific northwest, weird stuff is going on.  From the opening scene we can figure out some sort of lottery is taking place which chooses sacrifices to a deity that lives in the woods.  Many years later, Chris (Tyler Johnston) and Will (Shawn Roberts) are settling their foster mom's estate.  With them is Chris' nubile main squeeze, Brit (Emily Tennant).  The brothers find some weird stuff as they go through the house, including a weird VHS tape that seems to capture their biological parents.  Sensing they can find answers to their real parents' identities, the duo, and Brit, drive to the wilderness town of Tendale, which only has 60 people left.  

Seeking answers about their parents, the townsfolk don't want to talk.  They meet the nubile Emma (Britt Irvin) who runs the B&B they are staying at.  She's a doll but is obviously in on some ominous plot.  We also meet two Aussie tourists who will be disposed of right away...you'll see.  Alas, we meet Pete (Aleks Paunovic)...he's huge and seems to be coordinating a religious rite.  Roars are heard in the woods and our trio venture in.  They discover something so sinister that they run for help.  Bad idea.  Now they know too much and the bigfoots are summoned.

What is the relationship between the bigfoots and the Tendale's population?  What happened to Chris' and Will's real parents and will the same events fell them, too?  Are the lack of virgins in the Pacific northwest causing the bigfoot population to wander closer to populated areas?  Perhaps predictable, but the characters are portrayed very well.  Perhaps this s the type of film set in the English countryside and featuring Christopher Lee as a pagan priest, "Feed the Gods" may be termed a bargain basement Hammer horror feature.  For a neat Bigfoot plot, see "Feed the Gods."    

Amityville Scarecrow, Pitchforks, Hay, and that Cursed Place

All right.  Granted!  We do cheer for the scarecrow in this one.  Sure, there are a lot of reasons to hate this film.  And maybe the big question is "will the final girl be post-menapausal?"  There are a lot of reasons to love 2021's "Amityville Scarecrow," directed by Jack Peter Mundy.  It is refreshing to see characters ripped right out of Wednesday night Bingo...gritty reality.  So, I know...I'm not being nice...but this horror story is infinitely more accurate than the original "Amityville Horror."

Terrific opening scene...babe Sadie (Barbara Dabson) and hunk James (Marek Lichenberg) trespass on an abandoned cornfield/campground to have pre-marital sex and beer.  They'll die horribly at the hands of a scythe wielding scarecrow.  Okay...now we meet our main characters.  Derek (Andrew Rolfe) is bringing his wife Tina (Amanda-Jade Tyler) and daughter Lucy (Chelsea Greenwood) to that Amityville cornfield where they will meet Mary (Kate Sandison) and her daughter Harriet (Sofia Lacey).  Mary and Tina are feuding sisters.  Derek used to be married to Mary when he began screwing around with Tina...thus he is now married to Tina...if you ask me Mary is better off.

The gathering is for reconciliation and to figure out what to do with this family owned campground.  Derek will annoy everyone and be useless and we pray he will be gutted soon.  On cue...the scarecrow comes to life and terrorizes this dysfunctional family.  Not all will survive...thank goodness.  In their terror and being gutted, the feuding sides bond and must work together.  Uh oh...the two feuding sisters hold the key to the revelation of who this demon scarecrow is and why he is running amok.  Never fear, the two moms decide to fight back...much like France did during World War 2.

Will the two sisters be able to put their differences aside and kill the demon scarecrow?  Just what would anyone in their right mind have seen in Derek and desired to have sexual relations with him?  What exactly does Amityville and its sordid past have to do with what is going on here?  This is a much better film than it sounds from this review.  Heartbreaking at times and you will catch yourself sympathizing with a lunatic child-killer...go figure.  Watch "Amityville Scarecrow" and then go look for some Geritol.    

I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu, The Rape and Humiliation of a Supermodel

No one does it out loud...so I'll do it.  I LOVE 'I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE' MOVIES!!!  That was easy. Oh...by the way...there is an out...just in case you made a mistake and said it out loud.  The reason sometimes given for admiring this 'misogynistic trash' is..."Well, I just mean I love to see women eventually take charge and give the men what they deserve."  Rubbish!  We love these movies because they stoke our prurient interests and allow us to escape a PC society when we're only supposed to praise what we're told to praise.  So you losers out there...go watch "Men Don't Leave," or "Mystic Pizza," and let us real people enjoy a film for whatever reason that turns us on.  Today's feature is the 2019 Meir Zarchi film "I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu." 

Decades after the humiliating and vicious attack on Jennifer (Camille Keaton), she is raking in the bucks with her bestseller detailing it.  This doesn't sit well with the relations of the evil men who Jennifer murdered.  So, as Jennifer has a nice lunch with her supermodel daughter, Chrissy (Jamie Bernadette), the relatives abduct them.  What happens next will be difficult to watch.  Jennifer's fate will betray her victory many years ago...you'll see.  Chrissy will be raped, humiliated, tortured, and further beset by psycho kinfolk of Jennifer's original attackers.  Chrissy will be raped by Kevin (Jonathan Peacy) and Becky (Maria Olsen).  They should have killed her...yep, Chrissy escapes.

Naked, battered, bruised, and humiliated, Chrissy wanders the woods as the demented kinfolk hunt her.  Even the mentally challenged Herman (Jim Tavare), who tried to rape her, is after her.  Yep you guessed it.  There is a lot of mother in this ticked off daughter.  I'll spare you the details...but wait!  Chrissy does a fine job at her jaunt of revenge...too bad she didn't see what else was coming her way.  Her beat down and humiliation aren't quite over yet as she has more to fear than her original attackers.  Just like Giallo films...the beautiful die so horribly.  Not to fear, this is not an Italian film...and Chrissy does not intend to just roll over and die.  The soiled supermodel will be a worthy adversary to a force much more involved and bigger than what her mom had to fight many decades ago. 

Jamie Bernadette is sensational in a role many actresses would have not gone near.  Her performance, much of it in the nude, conveys a worldly beauty soiled and debased by the evil reality of the human condition.  Will Chrissy kill all the evil kinfolk in ways that make us wince?  Just what else lurks in these rural woods that has set it's eyes on our supermodel?  What happens to Chrissy's mom?  This film is vicious and you will need a shower after watching it.  Still, watch it...enjoy it...and you will not be compelled to tell anyone you saw it.  So if someone asks what you watched last night...keep your friends and just say "Evita" or "The English Patient."  If you want to enjoy your Friday night...see "I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu."

Dinosaur Hotel, Save Up Enough Points For a Reptiliian Experience

I've noticed a couple of the United States' largest hotel chains have been going down hill over the past few years.  They blame this so-called virus, but the fact is they were going down hill before 2020.  Their rates climb at a higher rate than our skyrocketing inflation, and the quality of service declines.  At least we don't have to worry about a raptor in our rooms when we check into a Marriott...not yet.  Hence our feature today, 2021's "Dinosaur Hotel," directed by Jack Peter Mundy.

Her husband has just died and Sienna (Chrissie Wunna) has no idea how she will provide for her two cute kids, Maddy and Peter.  Out of nowhere...she gets a call.  No...not from those car warranty people...but from a mysterious voice inviting her to participate in a reality show with a prize of 100,000 pounds. Uh oh...she can't find a sitter and brings her kids.  Supposedly they will stay in the hotel room at this country hotel/mansion while she competes.  Four other babes are also there to compete.  She'll meet the friendly Zara (Chelsea Greenwood), the nice Sam (Kate Sandison), the alluring Jenny (Nicole Nabi), and the pretty Laura (Sofia Lacey).  By the way...these actresses can really scream...classic screams...you'll see that as soon as the dinosaurs arrive.

The dinosaurs arrive...raptors, pterodactyls, and T-Rex.'  See, the women have been duped.  The on-line reality show will award the winning purse to the last babe to survive.  They must survive a night of being hunted by these beasts.  The hotel doors are unlocked and the raptors enter to hunt.  The T-Rex prowls the outside grounds...and the pterodactyls are above.  One by one the babes will be eaten, or picked apart and then eaten.  Oh yeah...the two kids don't stay in their room and are now also hunted by the prehistoric beasts.  Sienna must, not only survive, but find her missing kids and make sure they survive, too. 

Just who is running this macabre and sadistic competition?  As the quality of athleticism in the NFL continues to plummet, can we plan on seeing shows like this in America?  Is it possible to feed NFL players to these dinosaurs?  Leave your Siskel and Ebert wannabe friends at home and watch "Dinosaur Hotel" and enjoy babes screaming and a wonderful performance by the great Burmese actress Chrissie Wunna.

Boar, Go Pig!!!

So when did this happen?  Didn't we used to like Australians?  Paul Hogan and that whole 'Crocodile Dundee' thing? They were funny...irreverent...happy-go-lucky!  Today they are annoying and no fun to be around.  Maybe the English saw this centuries ago when they banished these blokes to the land down under.  Today's antagonist...a really big pig...will warm our hearts as he eats and rips apart these Fosters-drinking-nitwits.  Our feature today is 2017's  "Boar," a film by Chris Sun. 

Okay...fair enough...we like Sasha (Melissa Tkautz)...but that's only because she keeps the drinks coming.  Otherwise, we start cheering for the mutated pig early on.  It'll murder and eat farmers, campers, motorists, and annoying Aussies engaging in pre-marital sex.  Okay, Sheridan's (Sheridyn Fisher) is a babe we would have liked to have survived...to her credit, the boar doesn't just kill her...it tears her apart and sticks its tusk...well never mind.  Two annoying hunters come across the carnage...mercifully, they are ripped apart, as well.  Under this romantic and bubbly backdrop we meet the family and desire them to be ripped apart, as well.

Bruce (Bill Moseley) is your typical Australian nowadays...eek!  Come on pig!  Get him!  Just wait, you won't be surprised.  His GF Debbie (Simone Buchanan) may have been quite the babe 20 years ago, but like any Aussie...her shelf life expired.  Their teen-aged kids?  Yeah...we won't even go there.  Here comes the boar...the really big and drooling boar.  The only hope for this family is Uncle Bernie (Nathan Jones), a behemoth of a man.  He is big...did I mention that?  He takes his relatives on a picnic in the wilderness and there the war happens...man vs. beast.  Go beast!

Is Sheridan's gory death actually an act of mercy by the pig so she won't have to interact with Bernie, Bruce, and Debbie?  Can the Foster's serving Sasha redeem Australia's reputation as being a friendly and nice place to go?  What does it say about us as a people when we cheer as the big pig bites off Bruce's head?  Have fun with this one.  Oh yes, for you Aussies...take this film as a wake-up call...your not as loved as you once were.  "Boar," see it and learn from our tusked friends in nature.

Monsters of War, What Jurassic Park Should Have Been

Today we have Chrissie Wunna's magnum opus.  What?  Oh come on!  She's the sultriest actress ever to hail from...Burma.  If all women from Burma looked like Miss Wunna, the U.N. and the United States wouldn't be shortchanging that nation on vital assistance and aid.  Today we look at 2021's "Monsters of War," directed by Jack Peter Mundy. 

An earthquake in the UK.  May (Wunna) figures that is what it is...she will be wrong.  The sultry mother of Tim and Sue (these two kids are much more talented and watchable than those two brats in "Jurassic Park").  May is packing bags as she intends to leave her abusive husband.  On their drive out of the city a giant monster worm disables her car.  Now May rushes her two kids away from the road and meets two miners.  They're useless...one will be eaten by a T-Rex, the other picked apart by a big spider...happens.  Perhaps a metaphor of the government run health system in the UK.

Finally May finds shelter in a hostel.  The place is run by Mark (Richard Lovell) and his asthmatic mom, Lyn (Kate Sandison).  Also there are grouchy guests including a really pessimistic nun who demands everyone repent...fat chance.  Now the monsters, including icky spiders and the T-Rex converge.  The idiotic guests find reasons to venture outside and are eaten.  Now two soldiers arrive.  Mel (Chelsea Greenwood) will match May in melodramatic performances.  Mel will yell a lot and cry...and bond with May.  The two kids will be cute and make you wonder what "Jurassic Park" could have been if the two children roles were not wasted on such thin talent.  

Will May join forces with soldier Mel to lead the survivors out of safety and past the monster perimeter? Will the T-Rex do us all a favor and eat the nun?  Will the rampant corruption in the United Nations be exposed and Burma finally get their fair share of humanitarian and economic aid?  Just have fun this Friday night and put on "Monsters of War."  

Hostage, Nubile Cheerleader Turns Psycho

 I know...we don't say it in public.  However, when we find a vicious film about a high school cheerleader victimized by a home invasion lunatic...well...we turn off "The English Patient" and switch it on.  Clad in a cheerleading outfit and as deep as a half filled bathtub, the nubile lass will be tied up, tortured, and sexually assaulted...or so it appears in the first few seconds of 2021's "Hostage."  Surprise!  She's the psycho...get ready to sympathize with the brute home invader.  Directed by Eddie Augustin, "Hostage" is a vicious film that may cause you to turn your head from the screen a time or two.

Ashley (Nicole Henderson) sneaks home after breaking curfew.  The very pretty cheerleader was just out with her hunk boyfriend, Chris (Nico DeCastris) and must sneak through an open window wearing her cheerleader get-up.  Uh oh!  She walks back in during a home invasion/robbery.  Mark (Mike Cannz) is robbing the place and tries to rape Ashley...or does he?  Okay...enough of the first three minutes of this film.  Twisted plot devices and a bit of torture porn will follow after Mark regains consciousness...with a stab wound and bound to a chair.  He'll get to meet Ashley in a new light...and Ashley's twisted parents, Thomas (Daryl Marks) and Grace (Tina Trineer).

On the surface, Thomas and Grace seem typical parents...at least for the first three seconds you meet them.  They end up as psycho as Ashley.  Now the bound Mark will realize he is a prisoner and his three captors might just be serial killers seeking to hold onto some dark secrets.  The very pretty and evil Ashley, just like most psychopaths, is always thinking.  You remember her boyfriend Chris?  Good!  Don't forget about him...no spoilers here.  What makes Ashley so psycho?  You'll see...and it won't be pretty.  Now the twisted family has a "family" discussion on what they should do to Mark...and the answer won't surprise any of you...though Mark won't take it well.

Does Mark have a prayer at getting out of this alive?  Will the pretty cheerleader, Ashley, sexually attack her prisoner?  Just who are Thomas and Grace and are they really Ashley's parents?  Miss Henderson's performance is terrifying and alluring.  She emits 'psychopath' nicely and we have no trouble believing she is capable of the stuff she actually does in this film.  For a fast-paced thriller with allure, torture, and bloodshed...see "Hostage."    

The Curse of Humpty Dumpty, The Horror of Dementia

Not the feel good movie of this decade...no way.  Any of you who have been thrust in the position of being the caregiver for a loved one diagnosed with dementia may have to watch out for PTSD when viewing this film.  Even without the horror elements, 2021's "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" will shock those who are not familiar with the dastardly effects of dementia, and cause those who are familiar to revisit painful episodes in their past.  Be very afraid, there will be other horror, and very bloody, elements thrown in.  Directed by Scott Jeffrey, "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" is our feature today. 

A painful opening scene.  A loving daughter, Liz (Sian Altman) accompanies her mother,  Wendy (Nicola Wright), to the neurologist.  The prognosis is obvious...dementia.  Wendy will not be able to live alone anymore with her memory issues.  Liz and her younger sister Hazel (Antonia Whillans) will move Wendy back to the country home where she raised a family.  Dad?  Uh oh...you'll find out.  Now the memory issues play havoc as Wendy has weird memories shooting out of her subconscious.  What kind of memories?  From the pieces of them that we see, horrible ones that suggest...well, you'll see.

As Liz ands Hazel come to grips with losing their mom, Wendy finds an old menacing looking doll of Humpty Dumpty in a curiosity shop.  Wendy remembers the doll in their house as she raised the two girls...the girls have no such memory.  The doll is evil and seems to be alive at times.  Uh oh, Wendy's sister-in-law Beryl (Daniella Scott) visits and she wants to know what happened to her brother.  Wendy is hardly in a position to know but the doll may have something to say.  As Hazel dips further into the abyss of dementia her weird memories from the past indicate that she is not the innocent victim of fate that most dementia patients are.  The blood will splatter and the weirdness of who Wendy really is will cascade home.  Now Hazel and Liz will find themselves in mortal danger and so will anyone else who begins asking questions about Wendy's past.

What is the doll's connection to Wendy?  What are the macabre secrets bubbling to the surface of Wendy's subconscious?  Just what did happen to Wendy's husband and why is Beryl in mortal danger for trying to find out?  Depressing and without any humor, this film will play havoc with anyone currently going through the dementia process with a loved one.  See "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" and then fight the temptation of drinking several adult beverages afterwards.  

Companion, An Ominous Frolic through the Apocalypse

Apocalyptic wasteland films are some of my favorites.  I don't even demand originality from them.  Nevertheless, on occasion we do get these films with some sobering originality.  Today we have a grim and horrific jaunt through post-apocalyptic Texas.  Ominous, heartbreaking, gory, and perhaps convicting is 2021's "Companion."  Written and directed by John Darbonne, this is a shocker and without humor or let-up.  No spoilers here, but Christine Nguyen fans will be jolted by her performance in the second half of this film.

It all began in 2024...they arrived...or appeared.  Companions...ghostly apparitions that have a zombie look to them.  The dead have returned and by 2027, the world is gone.  The dead become companions haunting and murdering the areas they died in when they were human.  The few survivors must battle and escape them.  Gus (Marcus Anthony) and his wife Ella (Anna Flynn) are foragers/survivors.  They reach a farmhouse and hope it will provide them shelter.  It won't.  Companions are there, and so is something much worse...you'll see.  As Gus reminds Ella, even more dangerous than these ghoulish companions are survivors. 

The Preacher (Eric Hanson) arrives with a small homicidal gang.  They are all quite insane.  Carnage follows and an apparent savior also arrives, Abner the cowboy (Russell Shealy).  Abner and Preacher are mortal enemies and you will find out why.  Ella and Gus are already in the crossfire between these two but quirks of fate will really play havoc with our young couple.  Oh yeah, these companions?  People who have died?  Well, it is not that simple and now Ella and Gus must also survive the truth of who or what these companions actually are.  Sorry, nothing here about Christine Nguyen's riveting performance, but trust me...it won't be easy to watch.

To survive will Gus and Ella have to figure out a way to kill the companions or the survivors?  In this apocalypse, are the companions merely arbiters of fate and deliverers of some grim news from the other side?  All right...so sue me for asking...any chance that we see Miss Nguyen frolicking in a bikini here? For those who love their horror ominous and grim, enjoy this highly original post apocalyptic tale of the extinction of humanity and man's fleeting attempt to hold onto it.  See "Companion," and be prepared to be discussing it for days afterward.    

Interview with Aaron Hawkins, Evil Lurks

This November Aaron Hawkins' ominous and intense horror film "Evil Lurks" will be released.  The trailer (click on the link below) is already raking in awards.  Mr. Hawkins was kind enough to sit down with me and tolerate an interview.  The filmmaker from the Midwest seemed to be a kindred spirit...we both love hour horror horrific and lasting.  When "Evil Lurks" gets closer to its release date, I look forward to posting a review.  In the meantime enjoy this interview with a classy and wonderfully talented horror film maker. 

To view the award winning trailer for EVIL LURKS, click on this link Evil Lurks Trailer on YouTube

CJZ:  Ominous plot? Demon rape?  A coming evil event?  You have made a film that speaks to me (my deviant confession of the day). What films have inspired you over the years...not only branding you as a film maker but inspiring "Evil Lurks"?

AH:  The films that have inspired me over the years, The Exorcist, Chernobyl Diaries, The Nun, The Purge, The Serbian Film (I would not suggest watching this), as well as a video game called Fallout 4.  The reason I spoke of The Serbian Film is because it is dubbed the scariest film in the world and it is the most disturbing film to me.  I get inspired by many things in the world and I am always thinking how a scene would look in real time, at any location I am at.

CJZ:  Amanda Winston has a starring role, Kimberly, is viciously attacked and victimized.  By the end of the film she will undergo a transition from beset damsel/victim to a strong hero on a mission.  Can you talk to us about Miss Winston?

AH:  Amanda Winston (Kimberly) is such a dynamic actor.  I knew we had someone special with her. A little back story on how she was cast. One week before filming her scenes we had another actor cast for the role but she had to drop out at the last minute.  We put out a rush call and 48 hours later we cast Amanda for what is to be the most physical role in the movie.  The attack scene took us story-boarding, choreographing the scene along with numerous rehearsals. It took us well over eight hours to film this one scene.  She did an awesome job as Kimberly as you will see when the film is released.

CJZ:  The low budget for this film provided challenges, I'm sure.  It does not look like you toned down the plot because of that.  How did you meet the challenges of cash shortages in making "Evil Lurks"?

AH:  No!  We did not tone down anything in the making of this film.  At all! I wouldn't necessarily say we had any cash shortages but I will say we are, as a cast and crew very resourceful.  Everyone behind the camera knows how to run cameras, lighting, booms, set decorating...even cooking for the cast and crew!!! For scenes with blood, I made two versions of blood.  One edible (tasted like Girl Scout thin mint cookies) and one non-edible that washes out without staining. Even some of the cast knew how to run some equipment so if I was unable to run, let's say the sound equipment, another actor jumped in. This was really a team effort and at the end, we considered ourselves family.

CJZ:  A normal kid?  A military veteran from Illinois? Staying in Illinois, you became a horror film maker.  This is wonderful.  Can you talk about your upbringing, desire to go into horror films, and also staying home (Illinois) to make films?  Thank you so much for avoiding California...it's so cliché!

AH:  Well, my upbringing was somewhat "normal," that is to say...I am normal...LOL. My mom worked at the phone company until she retired at the age of 48. My dad (biological) owns his own tree-trimming business in West Virginia.  My Step-Dad worked for a GMC dealership in the area so I was always learning how to work on cars, since as a kid I grew up with him. I started my journey in the arts when I was in junior high school (at the age of 13). I would design stuff in art class and draw cartoons.  In high school I designed a house in architecture class so my move for the arts progressed from school and seeing movies and TV shows as a kid.

I did join the military about six months after high school graduation and had fun doing that...but the arts kept calling.  My desire to get into horror is relatively simple.  Horror films are the least expensive to make and have the highest return of investment of all the genres. Oh!  I love how they look and how they keep my mind moving. I hear that all the time that California is cliché and part of me buys into that mindset...but the reality is, as a film maker, you can make a film anywhere.  The cast of "Evil Lurks" is entirely made up from actors and crew entirely from Illinois.  

CJZ:  Getting a low budget indie film made and distributed can't be easy. In addition to a film maker, I'm sure you also have to be a salesman or a pitchman... or in some cases a broker to draw in money.  Do you enjoy that aspect of your role in making "Evil Lurks"?

AH:  Yes and no.  The 'yes' is I love to talk to people and when someone asks what I do, I tell them I am a film maker and actor.  They are immediately intrigued and start asking questions and it is 100% of the time leads them to watching the award winning trailer.  The 'no' aspect is dealing with the legal stuff like contracts.  Outside the actual filming, I would say the hardest part is indeed raising the funds to film.  Along with being the creator of this film I also am the Executive Producer, co-writer, Director, and I even had a cameo role. 

CJZ:  You know who they are.  Unlike you and me, some so-called horror people will be offended by Kimberly's plight and the ominous circumstances that beset her.  From watching the trailer I am guessing some taboo plot devices are also utilized. You will be criticized and the film will be termed "offensive" and "crossing the line."  Do you have a response for those critics?

AH:  To those critics who deem it "offensive" and "crossing the line," I challenge you to watch "Evil Lurks" again with an open mind to the sheer art of the movie and watch the symbolism in it.  After all, filming a movie is an art form and the actors within ANY movie or TV show are performing and engaging in that art form. I fully expect to have critics make comments about this film.  The Horror genre is not for everyone but the die hard horror fans I know will love this movie.

CJZ:  From a business point of view, how are you and "Evil Lurks" doing?  IMDB gives a release date of late November.  Are the financial backers coming aboard?  Are distributors and festivals talking with you?

AH:  Myself and "Evil Lurks" are doing good.  The release date on our IMDB page is rough.  We are hoping to release it in November.  We are in post currently so we are beyond financial backing.  I have a few festivals I will put the film in.  I also have a list of six distribution companies who have reached out to me wanting "Evil Lurks."  We had planned on attending AFM (American Film Market) the first week of November to pitch it to more distribution companies but AFM has moved to online only.  We are still deciding if it makes sense to do the virtual AFM, or not.

CJZ:  "Evil Lurks" come out in late 2021...then what?  This is an ominous and ambitious story.  Prequels?  Sequels?  An entirely different film?

AH:  I am currently writing a prequel to "Evil Lurks" as we speak.  In fact, I started on the writing in the middle of filming "Evil Lurks."  I am also writing another horror movie entitled "Doomsday," and I have two other writers working on this with me.  It's funny, my family keeps asking me when I will stop writing horror and write a comedy.  My response is, as soon as I am no longer on this earth is when to expect me to write a comedy!!!

Valentine, Typical Slasher Fare with Major League Babes and Hunks

Today's feature had obvious challenges when it hit the silver screen in 2001.  This slasher film came out well after the slasher era.  There was absolutely no demand for slasher films...except from weirdos like me.  Problem two:  Nothing new in the story.  Predictable twists and a telegraphed ending may have also served to doom its box office take.  Fear not...not all was bleak.  The babes and the hunks in this film were quite extraordinary.  Bikinis!  Hot tubs!  Big knives!  Axes!  Pre-marital sex!  Gore!  The aforementioned faults can be forgiven as all the right boxes were checked with emphatic red check marks.  Today we look at "Valentine," directed by Jamie Blanks.

The first kill will be the sultry med-student, Shelley (Katherine Heigl).  She'll be knifed while hiding in a body bag.  At her funeral we meet her sultry friends which include Kate ( Marley Shelton) and Paige (Denise Richards).  Uh oh...an ex-flame of Kate's shows up, Adam (David Boreanaz).  The recovering alcoholic tries to get Kate interested in him again.  The sultry former elementary school mates all begin receiving menacing Valentine cards.  Whoever gets the last card will be the next to die horribly.  Oh!  We meet the hunk boyfriends...all major league hunks.  They'll die horribly too.

One by one the babes and hunks die in bloody fashion.  A bow will fire three arrows into the lovely Lily (Jessie Cauffiel) at an art exhibit.  The sluts that they are, have planned a big party at babe Dorothy's (Jessica Capshaw) mansion.  All the gals desire to score big at the party and Denise Richards, Paige, will bring along a bikini.  The body count continues and a backstory rears its ugly head...you'll see.  Could a humiliated boy at a sixth grade dance have come back to butcher the babes who humiliated him?  Too easy?  The babes will look fine as they die horribly...the hunks will garner no sympathy as they promote the "all men are pigs" philosophy.  The party commences and you know who is there...or is he?

Will there be a final girl in this bloodbath of a slasher film?  Is Denise Richards too trashy to be considered a final girl?  How about the smooth talking Adam?  Is he too good to be a hero in this film?  Okay...yes...it is standard stuff...but for some great looking talent with wonderful bikini and evening gown action, this is a film you will want to see.  See "Valentine," and if nothing else, enjoy a wonderful hot tub demise.   

Nightmare Nurse, A Psycho Nurse

Remember the old soap "Passions" from 1999?  I think it ran until 2002.  You remember, the fat witch who had an ugly fat ventriloquist doll that came to life to reek havoc on some nubile beauties?  More importantly, Theresa (Lindsay Hartley) and Gwen (Natalie Zea)...two major league babes.  The entire soap seemed to hint at a nuclear cat-fight between these two beauties.  Fast forward to 2016 and the Lindsay Hartley film "Nightmare Nurse," directed by Craig Moss.  Ms. Hartley plays a sultry nurse who even makes scrubs look alluring.

Uh oh, lovers Brooke (Sarah Butler) and Lance (Steven Good) are in a major car wreck.  She recovers but he will need the care of a full time nurse...enter Chloe (Hartley).  As soon as she arrives Brooke wants to scratch her eyes out and rip out her hair...just like Gwen in the old soap. Brooke goes back to work and Chloe is left alone with the hunk Lance...who is totally useless (as all me are).  Chloe becomes attracted to Lance and uses erotic acupressure to make him hard.  Her scrubs get tighter and tighter and she even makes a pass at him.  Brooke will eventually get jealous and starts seeing hints that Chloe is unhinged.

Now Chloe decides to move in on Brooke's territory...I gotta say, I'm kind of pulling for her.  We find a bit about Chloe's past and she appears to be a psycho.  Uh oh, again...Chloe controls the meds and she feels she must have Lance and save him from the cold fish, Brooke.  Then things get crazy.  Lance's nurse at the hospital, Barb (Traci Lords) uncovers more truths about Chloe and now there is reason to believe both Brooke and Lance are in mortal danger.  All pretty standard, right?  Not so fast.  Surprises abound.

Will the cold fish Brooke learn a lesson from the sultry Chloe and glam herself up a bit for her man?  Will either Brooke or Chloe realize how useless Lance is and find someone that actually has earning power?  Is Chloe...actually...never mind...no spoilers here.  Lindsay Hartley is most alluring and watching her in this film is worth the price of admission.  So, if you never saw "Passions," find it and enjoy the ferocity between Natalie Zea and Ms. Hartley...until then, enjoy "Nightmare Nurse."  

Stay Out Stay Alive, Barbara Crampton not Humphrey Bogart

It is an exact duplicate of "Treasure of the Sierra Madre."  Okay...not an exact duplicate.  No Bogart...don't fret, Barbara Crampton is in this one.  Greed!!!  Gold!!!  The human condition!!!  Did I mention Barbara Crampton?  2019's "Stay Out Stay Alive," directed by Dean Yurke, is our feature today.  There will be monsters and ghosts but in this film, there may also be something a bit more lurking and ominous.

Amy (Christina July Kim) is an ecology grad student needing to do a final thesis...just like Bogart in the aforementioned film...wait...scratch that...never mind.  Her and three great looking buddies head into the wilderness for pre-marital sex, marijuana, hiking, and thesis research.  Amy's very lucky boyfriend is Kyle (William Romano). The gang will screw around more than research.  Also there is the fifth wheel... Donna (Sage Mears).  Donna recently broke up with her beau and isn't too likable.  The babe Bridget (Brie Mattson) and hunk Reese (Brandon Wardle) round out the cast.  Oh yeah...the quirky and hippie-like park ranger, Susanne (Crampton).  She'll try to warn the kids away from their camping destination.

The four babes and hunks reach their campsite and the couples engage in pre-marital sex.  Being the fifth wheel, Donna goes for a stroll in the dark and is chased by...something.  When Donna is found she has fallen into an abandoned gold mine.  Now her four buddies climb into the mine and we are introduced to their financial woes.  Now all see mucho dinero in their heads and begin mining the gold.  Uh oh...something else is in the mine.  The answer to what that is is chronicled in an old diary that spells out the adventures and demises of the miners who entered the mine 150 years ago.  Excruciating doom shows its ugly face and our new millionaire wannabes ignore it as the gold is so bountiful.  Death, destruction, dismemberment...and ghosts, curses, and mutilation...and annoying crows and locusts rear their ugly heads.  Suddenly, survival seems a remote possibility...but what is the real menace.

Greed can be a killer...even to the most beautiful among us and this film shows us this.  Will any of our four hunks or babes make it out alive with any gold?  Will Amy's thesis be able to survive her friends and the faculty review board?  How about the quirky park ranger, Susanna?  Will Donna really go through this film without any pre-marital sex?  The cast is terrific in this fast paced study of friendship and ambition going so wrong.  See "Stay Out Stay Alive" and re-evaluate going into business with your buddies.  

Getaway, Slasher on Film

Slasher fans are going to love this one.  We have it all.  The creepy being warning the hunks and babes not to go to the campsite...the creepy old caretaker telling them they shouldn't be there, an axe, a big knife...and hunks and babes that die after chases or during pre-marital sex.  Yes!!!  Oh yes, the kill count!  Not just four, five, or six...a massive kill count!  Today we look at 2020's "Getaway," directed by Blayne Weaver.

As our film begins, the sultry Professor Watts (Cherish McCormick) is gutted outside of her classroom...so it begins.  Now an army of college hunks and babes are headed into the wilderness so Abigail (Kristel Rachocki) and Tabitha (Abigail Haggerty) can film a horror movie for their final project.  Maddy (Emma Norville) is hesitantly invited along.  Emma hopes to act in the film but is slated to do props.  The babes and hunks begin dying immediately.  First to go is Noah (Joshua Cody), Maddy's ex-boyfriend.  He'll be bludgeoned to death.  The killer is masked in a burlap scarecrow mask.  Axes, knives, and attitude befell the good looking cast, many of them after heartbreaking chases.

 After sundown, a campfire and pre-marital sex won't save our cast...imagine that.  Suspects abound as to who this masked killer is.  Kayla (Danielle Carrozza), who stole Maddy's boyfriend, and Maddy's best friend Harlowe (Franschesca Contreras) will even engage in a nifty cat-fight.  As the babes and hunks lessen in number, Maddy and Kayla will even have to work together and save each other a time or two to survive.  Yep...twists will abound and some you may even figure out.  Still, the cast is great looking and they die well with much blood.  Enjoy the gore and impalements.

Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor for the absolute intellectual carnage inflicted on our college kids today at American universities?  Will there be a final girl and will Maddy and Kayla give us the pleasure of a cat-fight?  Should we feel bad about cheering for the gruesome demise of some of these hunks and babes?  Gory, ominous, and terrific acting, "Getaway" is a fantastic slasher film that is worthy of praise from fans of 1980s slasher fare, even though it was made within the past year.  See "Getaway," and escape back to the golden age of Slasher films.  

Angel's Flight, A Razor Wielding Stripper

The most vicious and erotic portrayal of a female serial killer is from a film you have never seen.  From an actress you have never heard of before, comes this steamy and vicious portrayal.  Today we look at 1965's "Angel's Flight," directed by Raymond Nassour and Kenneth W. Richardson.  This film noir/horror film, made before we called strippers...exotic dancers.  Indus Arthur, who died much too young, portrays the demented and imbalanced psychopath.  The beautiful blonde will wear seduction and homicide in every move she makes in this film.

Liz (Arthur) is making out with a man on a bench in the middle of the night.  She stops sucking face with him and slits his throat.  The sultry psycho runs from the scene and crashes into Ben (William Thourlby).  Ben?  He was a reporter, but now is a hopeless drunk.  The love of his life is gone and he has hit rock bottom...until he sees Liz' face.  Now he is in love.  When he sobers up, he won't think she is real...rather an angel.  No matter, Liz is real.  You'll meet her.  She paints haunting images in her flat and plies her exotic dancing trade at a seedy club every night.  Her M.O.?  She finds a perverted and fresh customer, goes off with him after her shift, makes out with him, and slits his throat.  The bodies begin accumulating.

Ben, having seen a vision of loveliness...Liz...begins sobering up.  His cop buddy, Pete (Warren Kemmerling), takes mercy on him and tries to help.  He allows Ben to tag along and write about the murders.  Uh oh...the cops are looking for a male.  Now Pete has an offer for the now sober Ben...help us out...be bait.  Ben is now tasked to be a pervert who hangs around in strip clubs...as all the victims were.  The cops will follow Ben and see who follows him out of the clubs.  Easy, right?  Nope!  Liz and Ben fall in love...but beware...she always has a hand on the razor in her pocket.  

Just who is Liz?  Why is she murdering perverts?  What does her artwork symbolize?  You'll find out and the answers are all horrific.  The seductive angel can turn into a malicious demon instantly, and Miss Arthur's exotic dance scenes are both alluring and desperate.  This is a fine film noir film...a fine police drama...and a fine horror film.  See "Angel's Flight" and be allured as a sultry murderess puts you under her spell. 

The Werewolf Versus The Vampire Woman, Euro-Babes Beset by Monsters

We love Euro-Trash.  We love Euro-Babes.  Sultry vampire babes, a hunk werewolf, and many Euro-babes in much distress come to us from Spain today.  Even better, Paul Naschy is the werewolf!  The great Spanish horror actor never fails to deliver an entertaining film.  Our feature today is 1971's "The Werewolf Versus The Vampire Woman," directed by Leon Klimovsky.

Okay, it happens, Waldemar (Naschy) wakes up during his autopsy.  See, the coroner took the two silver bullets out of his heart...bad move.  Now the werewolf lives again.  He shreds the autopsy crew, some villagers, and returns to his estate in France.  Enter two babes, Elvira (Gaby Fuchs) and Genevieve (Barbara Capell).  The two nubile babes are researching an 11th century witch/vamp, the Countess Wandesa (Patty Shepard).  They don't know Waldemar is a werewolf when they accept his invite to stay at his place after their car dies.  Both babes are hot for him.  Uh oh, while frolicking, Waldemar and Ganevieve unearth the Countess' tomb and accidentally bring her back to life.

Now, as Elvira and Waldemar fall in love, the Countess beckons Genevieve for some erotic necking and biting.  Now Genevieve is a vamp and she is lusting for her buddy, Elvira.  In what should have been a deal breaker, Waldemar confesses his werewolf-ism to Elvira who insists on sticking by him...fool!  Both Genevieve and the Countess prowl the estate grounds looking for babes, more specifically Elvira.  Waldemar is bent on protecting Elvira, as a fox is bent on protecting chickens.  Soon it is apparent that both Waldemar and Elvira will enter into mortal combat with the two vampire chicks.

Is Elvira ever going to get a clue and start dating someone with earning power?  Exactly who would win the fight between a vampire and a werewolf?  Who will ravage Elvira first, one of the vampire babes or the werewolf?  Erotic and vicious, this Spanish horror film is very satisfying in the monster and the babe department.  For a great Euro-good time, see "The Werewolf Versus The Vampire Woman."