Sunday, December 31, 2023

Out of Hand, Steamy Murder-Fest

Louise Linton! Babe!  Today we have her magnum opus...a Tubi Original.  This will be the steamiest film of all 2023. Is Ms. Linton a sultry femme fatale or a sultry damsel in much distress?  In kinky lingerie, hot Yoga outfits, or totally nude, she will seduce and have steamy sex with hunks and babes alike!  But will she also murder them.  There will be a lot of hunks and babes in this one...most will die horribly in the throes of passion.  Today we look at "Out of Hand," directed by Brian Skiba.

Major hunk David (Pierson Fode) runs a fitness/Yoga studio that caters to hot babes.  He and his GF Valerie (Linton) engage in sex with most of them.  Now they are all getting murdered.  Angela (Jackie Moore) will fall first. She'll be hanged just after some babe eats her...well, you know.  In defense of the babe killer, Angela did reach ultimate satisfaction before assuming room temperature. Okay, David is a serial killer...this is not a spoiler.  But is he the one murdering the hot work-out babes?  Valerie is a best-selling author of crime fiction.  David murders and then describes his experiences to Valerie who writes them up in the plots of her novels.  The duo rent a Tahoe lake house. Once there we find out more about the dead Angela. Angela was a researcher for Valerie and claimed to have found out who the dreaded Harbinger Killer was.  She may or may not have told the other work-out babes.  David is the Harbinger Killer so he sets off on a quest to murder the work-out babes.

Okay, I know how this all sounds.  But wait!  Is he the killer?  Oh! The sultry Sophia (Joanne Metrass) is David and Valerie's neighbor. She comes onto Valerie and the two will engage in steamy lesbian passion.  Uh oh...Sophia is a murderer, too...and she got away with it.  Now Valerie is banging two clever murderers.  Valerie, on her end, is going to town with her novels and the publisher want more. One by one, hot fitness babes are brutally killed.  Valerie figured David is doing this.  Hey!  Wait a minute!  David thinks Valerie is doing it!  Hey wait!  Sophia knows more than she is letting on.  Hey wait!  Well...wait until you see this film.  Every ounce of it will be erotic including the ending.

Louise Linton's performance is erotic and will leave quite an impression on you.  Mr. Fode is quite the hunk and you babes who like bad boys will fawn all over him.  Many of the murders are heartbreaking and gratuitous...but gratuitous is this film's middle name.  For a steamy murder tale, with a a great looking cast...see "Out of Hand." 

Friday, December 29, 2023

Bigfoot, The Big Fury One Finds Love

Joi Lansing...mega-babe!  She was sultry to the max in "The Atomic Submarine" (click on this link to see that review Joi Lansing in Atomic Submarine ).  How about this...a lingerie clad Joi Lansing running through the woods as a naked and aroused Bigfoot chases after her seeking pre-marital sex.  She's practically falling out of her satin intimate as the fury and smelly creature...well, you get the picture.  They just don't make movies like this anymore.  Today we look at 1970's "Bigfoot," directed by Robert E. Slatzer.

Joi (Lansing), a rich and sultry babe, crashes her private plane into the mountainous wilderness.  Immediately she sheds her clothes in favor for a more appropriate piece of shiny lingerie.  Bigfoot picks up on this and abducts her. Who can blame him? A bikini babe Chris (Judith Jordan) and hunk Rick (Christopher Mitchum) break away from their motorcycle gang to have pre-marital sex in the woods.  Along comes Bigfoot...he conks him on the head and abducts the bikini babe Chris.  Who can blame him?  Now Bigfoot and his family have two prisoners...two sultry babes.  The gals figure out that the monsters seek to mate with them.  Who can blame them? Oh yes...Jasper (John Carradine) and his sidekick Elmer (John Mitchum) come to town trying to hock junk and pass bad checks. In short, this duo will team up with Chris' hunk BF Rick and go look for the girls.

Rick wants to kill Bigfoot before it soils Chris.  Jasper wants to capture it and sell it for a circus sideshow. Meanwhile, the lingerie clad Joi and the bikini clad Chris are being drooled over by a family of monsters.  Uh oh...the king of all Bigfoots (James Stellar) is coming down from the top of the mountain to claim Joi as its bride.  One wonders how Chris feels about coming in second to Joi.  You know, it has to be killing her.  Anyway, a humongous Bigfoot is on its way for Joi and Chris is probably itching to scratch Joi's eyes out and pull out her hair.  What a catfight might be brewing!  Jasper and friends form a posse and climb into the mountains to rescue the gals.  We figure the gals want to be rescued...but deep inside their psyches, one wonders if there is something about the Bigfoots that appeals to them.  Just saying.

Is Joi in more danger from the humongous Bigfoot, or from the jealous bikini babe left for the normal sized Bigfoots?   With the lack of real men left in America, do Joi and Chris really want to be rescued by the creepy Jasper and Elmer?  What do the huge and humongous Bigfoots have that Joi and Chris may be attracted to?  This is a good one and will showcase Joi Lansing perfectly.  For a very erotically themed Bigfoot film, see "Bigfoot."   

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

In Its Wake, Cleric Chases Demon Dog

Okay, so it's not a dog.  It kind of looks like a baboon dog.  It shreds all it comes into contact with.  Today we have a film that will not get any love.  Supposedly it has something to do with an idea of HP Lovecraft.  We'll go with that.  We do have a great cast and many of you will glob onto the perky redheads, more specifically Jacqueline Godbout.  She plays an anxious nymphomaniac, a role that is not easy to carry off.  This is one of the few films starring two sultry redheads. The other one will be tied to a makeshift altar and readied to receive the devil's seed...another role not easy to carry off, as many of you know. Today's film is 2023's "In Its Wake," directed by Lee Foster.

He looks serious. No humor.  His sermons are boring.  Still Pastor Kurt (Elvis Stojko) knows an evil has just come from...somewhere.  He also knows his divine calling is to track it down...hence he leaves the church. Three years later four great looking twenty-somethings led by our redheads Laura (Godbout) and her buddy Amy (Paige Foskett) are headed to Laura's cabin in the woods!  Two guys are with them, Laura's medical student BF Manny (Kenneth Bemister), and loser Tim (Aaron Heels). Manny is the lucky one, his redhead is a nymphomaniac.  Amy is stuck with the loser who wants sex all the time and Amy doesn't want to give it.  On the way to the cabin a snow begins to fall.  Three businessmen on their way to a retreat are also on the road.  Their paths will cross when mysteriously their cars break down on an isolated road.

Okay, the baboon dog is loose.  It shreds four idiots in a Kwansit hut. The four have no taste in music and the baboon thing will shred them all. Next the thing shreds one of the businessmen.  As Tim unsuccessfully tries to get lucky with Amy, Manny gets really lucky with our nympho (this was not hard). The baboon thing kills many more.  Now Kurt arrives with a couple of loser assistants.  He sets up a temple with an altar at the Kwansit hut after cleaning up the dead bodies.  Uh oh...Kurt may have ulterior motives...the altar with the straps on it is a clue.  Our nympho will get naked despite being below freezing. Now Kurt is full of surprises and he pulls out an ancient tome that would make HP Lovecraft proud. As the businessmen, some locals, and our four twenty-somethings fall one by one, Kurt better hurry up if he desires to save any of them.

The body count is very high.  Our nymphomaniac redhead is so refreshing.  The baboon dog is...well, it's a baboon dog, let us just leave it at that.  Does redheaded nymphomaniac Laura have a shot at surviving to the end credits?  Will Tim ever get in Amy's pants?  Just who does Kurt plan on tying to the altar?  Our two redheads are the highlight of this film...though the other characters are played well.  Gore and death abound, and the baboon dog-thing...well, its a baboon dog-thing, we'll just go with it. See "In Its Wake" for a surprisingly good horror film...that features babe redheads.  

Monday, December 25, 2023

The House in Marsh Road, Sultry Blonde Wife and Homicidal Husband

She's quite the dish.  Patricia Dainton plays the very pretty wife in peril in our feature today.  Sure!  This one is pretty standard as far as plot goes.  A gadabout husband, a beautiful wife, marital strife, a stiff inheritance, and a plot to murder.  Yep, throw in a sultry mistress and a poltergeist...wait!  Oh, yes.  A poltergeist!  Did I mention part of that stiff inheritance is a haunted house?  Today we look at one from England, the 1960 film "The House in Marsh Road," directed by Montgomery Tully. 

A young couple with money problems.  The good looking pair go from hotel to hotel always skipping out on the rent.  Jean (Dainton) is sad her husband shows no ability to earn money.  David (Tony Wright) is a gadabout who claims he is writing a novel.  The two begin bickering...then the letter comes.  Jean has inherited a large sum of cash and a big (haunted) house in the country from her aunt.  The two go there and take possession.  Immediately, Patrick the poltergeist makes his presence known.  It/he moves furniture around. Patrick also seems to like Jean and detest David.  Many times David's office will be found in shambles whenever he mistreats Jean.  Then David meets a typist, the floozy, Valerie (Sandra Dorne).  Valerie is, shall we say...a slut.  She'll have David steal money from Jean so she can pay her divorce lawyer.  The two will get quite intimate.

Then Jean finds out about her husband's affair.  After confronting the pair, both Valerie and David believe they must murder Jean and abscond with the inheritance.  Unbeknownst to Valerie and David, Patrick really likes Jean and is resolute about protecting her.  He'll, or it'll have a lot of work to do.  David is quite bent on murdering his pretty wife and has many plans to do just that.  Poltergeists will be poltergeists and a lot of banging, haunting, breaking, and more haunting will be needed if Patrick intends to keep Jean alive.

Who exactly was Patrick and why does he seem to favor Jean?  Will Valerie and David ever get a clue and call in a paranormal investigator?  Is there a nice catfight brewing between the two blonde babes (Jean and Valerie).  This is a nice story and perfect for a stormy night of horror movie watching with a babe GF.  See "The House in Marsh Road," and remember, even when there is no one around...something or someone may be there anyway. 

Saturday, December 23, 2023

The Killings at Outpost Zeta, Rock Monsters Shred Earthlings

How, oh how did this 1980 film not make MST3K?  Even without Joel and the bots, this is a fun one.  We have a space crew from Earth landing on an alien world and bringing with them incompetence and stupidity.  Okay, NASA is alive and well in these scifi films, too.  Fortunately we do have a sultry space-babe that will need hunks to rescue her.  Today we look at "The Killings at Outpost Zeta," directed by Robert Emenegger and Allan Sandler.

The previous several missions to Outpost Zeta (an alien world at the edge of the galaxy) ended horribly. They all seemed to be doing well then suddenly all contact was lost with them. Earth sends up a rescue team commanded by Cpt. Young (Gordon De Vol). He's a hunk...not a very good skipper, I'm afraid. His right hand man sounds just like Clu Gulager, Gore (Jackson Bostwick). The doctor on board is the sultry space-babe Linda (Jacqueline Ray). She'll eventually suck face with the skipper. Carol, a grouchy and not too pretty woman, is also on board. When she's mangled and shredded we don't shed a tear.  Then a couple more hunks. They land and find Outpost Zeta.  The place is a a war was fought there. There is even an overturned table. Linda goes through journals and Gore and the skipper grunt...a lot like Clu Gulager would.

Okay, it appears the previous team found something. Rocks!  But, if the rocks come into contact with human blood they grow into monsters. That team probably worked for Pfizer.  Now monsters are teeming this barren and remote planet.  The rescue crew must fight for their lives. Linda looks really great and cries and screams nicely.  The skipper consoles her nicely. Clu Gulager, I mean Gore, comes up with really stupid plans to defeat the monsters and survive.  Now, in addition to the monsters on the outside, rocks in the inside appear to be ready to grow.  Now Gore better come up with a good plan or all might die.

If the monsters capture Linda, what will they do to her?  Will Gore ever stop mumbling and come up with a plan that has purpose and at least some chance of success?  Is the NASA moon mission slated for 2024 (yeah, right!) headed for a similar fate?  One will pretend they are Tom Servo or Crow while watching this film.  For a lot of fun, MST3K style, see "The Killings at Outpost Zeta."

Thursday, December 21, 2023

Bakemono, Tokyo Monster and Airbnb Carnage

Black magic!  Here in the US we use a Ouija board and giggle...that's our black magic.  In a society thousands of years older than ours, black magic actually is horrific.  We have a Japanese monster movie today.  A film so gory and shocking it will make 1999's AUDITION  look like Rated PG-13 fare.  This one will also get rid of any ideas you have about saving a few dollars (or Yen) by booking one of those Airbnb places.  For this, Marriott and Hilton will be grateful.  Oh yes...I know what you're asking.  A Japanese horror film?  Will there be young Japanese women, some in schoolgirl uniforms, being beset by tentacled monsters?  Oh, boy...I have the film for you...if you are man enough to take it.  Like I said, the gore f/x and shocks will come at you in full force.  Today we look at Doug Roos' shocking and taboo gorefest, 2023's "Bakemono."

Mitsuo (Takashi Irie) rents out a room at one of those Airbnb places.  The room is dark, smelly, and unkempt.  Eek!  It also has a monster problem.  As our film opens the monster gets a Japanese babe (Hanaka Mizuki) in the room.  The room keeps getting rented out to people who all seem to have strife in their lives.  The body count in this one will be as large as Tokyo (a slight exaggeration). Mitsui, as we come to find out, is into black magic.  He has conjured up some demon that needs to feed on the innards of the guests...usually sultry Japanese women.  Mitsuo rents the room...the monster does the rest.  The monster?  Grotesque and slimy!  It has things that stab and impale, and tentacles that grab and tear.  The fiend seems indestructible.  Many of the kills will be heartbreaking...but all will be gratuitous in the gore department (Mr. Roos also did the f/x).

Mr. Roos introduces us to the victims and we like many of them.  We even are sweet on many of the women (nice casting job, Mr. Roos).  Don't get too attached...the monster is hungry.  Mitsuo is sort of like Dracula's Renfield.  This Mitsuo has a wife (Sayuri Nakata) and at times looks like a normal guy.  Hidden behind this normalcy facade is something more devilish than the monster he conjured up.  So many horrific vignettes are included in this one, but I was especially moved by the two babes, Anna (Marilyn Kawakami) and Risa (Miki Nomura).  Their plight is heroic and we pray it won't end in bloody'll have to see the film to see their fate.  What unfolds over the last half hour of this film will clearly fill you in on who this Mitsuo actually is and why he is doing all these horrible things to Japan's most beautiful women.

This is the goriest and most shocking film of 2023 and maybe of the past 10 years.  Perhaps it is a horrific metaphor of what life in our biggest cities has been reduced to.  There is no periods of relief...just ominous and intense horror.  If you like your horror films to have monsters and to be horrific, see "Bakemono," and try not to avert your glance away from the screen.  

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Time's Up, High School Faculty Shredded

Teachers!  Heaven forbid we ever say anything negative about them.  I get it...underpaid, not respected, don't get paid as much as Shohei Ohtani...right!  So we'll leave all the negativity aimed at them to this slasher film.  They'll die so horribly.  Not since "The Faculty" has a film turned us against this profession that demands our total respect.  Today we look at 2022's "Time's Up," directed by L.C. Holt.

So sad.  As the film opens, a very sensitive and theatric high school boy, Alex, eats a gun. Brains everywhere. His suicide sparks a lot of discussion. Teacher Jacqui (Hannah Fierman) interviews the kid's best friend in school, Elisha (Madison Edmunds).  Elisha details how bullying and insensitivity by faculty and students drove this kid to suicide.  Bullying!  But wait!  Is this really what's going on here...or went on?  You'll see. Okay, New Year's Eve and school principal Gene (Jonathan Tiersten) has a party at his house.  All the faculty is there...very awkward.  Everyone hates Jacqui for writhing the article blaming them for the suicide.  Tony (Holt) is the guidance counselor and Jacqui's fiancĂ©...he's on her side. So is drama teacher Rachel (Kamarra Edmonds).

Uh oh...what the partiers do not know is a massacre just took place at the school and Gene's beautiful daughter (Bethany Desrosiers) has been grabbed by the killer. Soon, the killer will begin a bloody game.  One by one the faculty will be hunted down in gory fashion.  He leaves clues for them and also a macabre scavenger hunt.  The faculty, led by wrestling coach Cliff (Damian Maffei) now desperately try to find Gene's daughter before midnight.  The killer is brutal and plays the teachers against one another.  Flashbacks give us hints as to what really happened the day Alex (Tyler Senatore) killed himself.  Bullying?  Hah!  You'll see.  The real killer may want you to think that but surprises abound.

Who is killing our hard working and fully dedicated teachers?  Was Jacqui's interview of Elisha really an accurate depiction of a teen bullied and driven to suicide?  Does anyone else wish their jobs gave them a three month vacation in the middle of the year?  Just saying.  The beautiful will die horribly.  Many of the kills are heartbreaking, and all very gory.  For a gratuitous slasher film with a few surprises, see "Time's Up." 

Sunday, December 17, 2023

Midnight Screening, Movie Theater Carnage

Going to the movie theater is no longer fun.  In the 80s I went once or twice a week. There were actually movies I wanted to see.  Especially slasher movies.  Now woke plots have taken over.  Grouch actresses have replaced babes.  Feminized men have replaced hunks.  Superhero or "Star Wars" idiocy have taken up all the screens.  The public have become rude pigs.  The cost is too much and now you need an app or an account with the company to buy a ticket in a seat they want you to sit on (not your choice).  Hence 2021's "Midnight Screening," directed by Daniel Zubiate. 

Closing for the evening!  The last shows are wrapping up and the scantily filled theaters are emptying.  The crew must now clean up and get ready for tomorrow's opening.  Fuller (Alan Humphrey) is the theater manager and we feel for him.  His staff isn't the brightest.  Tonight, however, is a special night.  A new horror film is opening tomorrow and him and his small staff will preview it in the big theater.  That is... after they all clean the empty theaters.  We like some of the crew.  Sheila (Rebekah Patton) is a sweet doll!  Her BF has just dumped her and she is a good soul.  Kyle (Caedmon Holland) is an usher with eyes for Sheila...but too shy to do anything.  Tammi (Trisha Pecore) is the weird concession stand lady...but we like her.  Alan (Robert Posey) is the creep projectionist...very crude and sells bootleg DVDs.

The theater, empty and at night, is creepy.  Babe Amy (Amanda Courtney) is murdered in the parking lot and the killer gets into the theater.  Now, one by one, he hunts the crew.  Some we want to die horribly...but some of the kills are heartbreaking.  The 8-screen cineplex is cavernous and the killer can hide in a million places.  Decapitation, gutting, and strangulation will explode at you as the film progresses.  We plead out loud for Sheila to survive...she seems like such a good sort...but will she?

Is the killer one of the crew?  Is Sheila too good and either the killer or being lined up for a gory death? Is the killer a customer fed up with the wokeness of the plots of modern day movies and sick of the culture of Modernist America?  Like us.  This film may not find a lot of love but if you ever worked in a movie theater, you will not only appreciate it but recognize the characters put forth.  See "Midnight Screening," and feel free to stay at home instead of paying $75 for a date and you to go to the movies.

Friday, December 15, 2023

Cyberzone, Pleasure Droids on the Loose

Pleasure droids!  When they do get here, or the Japanese or Chinese make them affordable...women are done!  So long sexual harassment guidelines from the Human Resources Department.  So long to harassment and bullying regulations on college campuses.  So long to mindless drivel about glass ceilings and "empowerment."  Men have had enough!  They're coming...perhaps soon.  Today we look at a Fred Olen Ray film from 1995. "Cyberzone" (aka "Droid Gunner").  This one features some of the best pleasure droids ever put on the silver screen.  The are built to please...and not yap all day. 

Big hunk, Hawks (Matthias Hues), steals four pleasure droids (Lorissa McComas, Brittany Rollins, Meaghan Prester, and Bianca Rocilili) from a starship. These droids are in demand but highly illegal.  Most women are mutants and ugly on Earth, welcome to modern day America, and the pleasure droids command top dollar.  Okay, Jack (Marc Singer), a bounty hunter of droids, is hired by the manufacturer of the droids to find them.  A lot of money is at stake. Assigned to help Jack is Beth (Rochelle Swanson), a technician who can neutralize the droids without blowing them up.  Beth is very snooty but a rarity...a hot woman who is real.  Jack begins his search in seedy strip clubs and brothels. A mutant exotic dancer (Brinke Stevens) gives him a good lead. Now some local hoods led by Chew'Bah (Robert Quarry) are out to kill him.

Jack convinces Beth to dress like a whore...and she looks terrific.  She even likes it.  The two will fall in love. Prowling through brothels and clubs seems to be right down their alleys. Now Jack convinces Hawks to team up with them.  Hawks tells them he delivered the droids to a billionaire in an underwater city, New Angeles. Now, Beth, with not much coaxing, agrees to masquerade as a pleasure droid (a good look for her...and any 21st century woman, for that matter), and sneak into the new undersea city, and help Hawks and Jack find the pleasure droids.  What a plot.

A lot of great pleasure droid/orgy/seduction action in this one.  Will Beth shed her strong empowered woman veneer for a more trashy and likable look?  Will Jack and Beth engage in kinky pre-marital sex?  What will be the fate of the four lovely pleasure droids?  After all...pleasure droids usually don't fare well in these films. Much nudity and shoot-out action make this one a must see.  With lots of cheese and beef, "Cyberzone" is a must see for this holiday season.   

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll, Euro-Babes losing Their Lives and Eyes

Euro-trash!  This blog is never far from it.  We have an...well...awkward one today.  Everything about it, and every character will make you squirm.  The maker of this film, Carlos Aured, must've had a fetish for well built Euro-babes in black shiny boots...getting horribly murdered. We have one from Spain, and starring Paul Naschy, today...1974's "Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll."

A drifter, Gilles (Naschy) hitchhikes into town looking for work.  He's handsome and has visions of him strangling a blonde Euro-babe to death.  Three weird, but sultry sisters hire him to be caretaker at their estate.  Claude (Diana Lorys) is quite the babe...except for a grotesquely deformed arm.  He'll also meet wheelchair bound Ivette (Maria Perschy).  Something, long ago, confined her to a wheelchair.  Then the seemingly perfect one, Nicole (Eva Leon).  She's a perfect ten and reminds her sisters that they are not.  She'll end up naked in Gilles bed first...though Gilles does later show an attraction to the grotesque and deformed.  Even better, a mysterious babe nurse shows up to tend to Ivette, Michelle (Ines Morales).  

Okay, we should mention the murders.  All around the village blonde Euro-babes, mostly wearing black shiny boots, are being viciously murdered.  The victims all have, had actually, blue eyes which are gouged out during the murders.  Gilles keeps having flashbacks about strangling a blonde Euro-babe as Claude falls deeper in love with him.  Now the murderer seems to be getting closer to the estate of the sisters.  As Gilles demonstrates he isn't totally sane, and engages in pre-marital sex with anyone he can, the line between suspects and the next victims blurs.  The beautiful will die horribly and in great number.  This film has a high body (and what great bodies) count.

Is Gilles the serial killer or is that too easy?  Is one of the deformed sisters the villain...or is that too easy?  Is this plot a metaphor for post-fascist Spain's dalliance into the misogynistic western European culture seeking to relegate women to the position of sex-objects without persona?  Okay, that last question was solely designed to make me look brilliant...a feeble charade I cling on to.  For great Euro-babe cheese and Giallo-type gore, see "Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll."   

Monday, December 11, 2023

Demented Death Farm Massacre, Deliverance Meets the Beverly Hillbillies

When the big city folk meet the hillbillies nothing good ever happens.  Remember what happened to Ned Beatty? City folk should stick to shopping excursions, spas, ritzy cruises, and French gourmet restaurants.  Throw in bear traps, moonshine, and whore houses and before you know it the more manly of the group is squealing like a pig.  Today we look at 1971's "Demented Death Farm Massacre" (aka "Honey Britches"), directed by Donn Davison...great early 1970s drive-in fare.

A quartet from the big city is on the run after pulling off a jewelry heist.  Philip (Jim Peck) is the brains of the operation, leads the group into the backwoods of North Carolina.  With him is his very buxom GF Suzanne (Pepper Thurston), the gun man and hunk Kirk (Michael Battlesmith), and Kirk's GF Karen (Trudy Moore).  Both gals are clad in go-go shorts and go-go boots. Okay, Harlan (George Ellis) is an ugly old, backwoods moonshiner who has a babe wife, Reba Sue (Ashley Brooks).  Reba Sue is quite a babe in the tradition of Ellie May.  Philip leads his troop to their farm where they hole up.  Holding Harlan and Reba Sue at gunpoint, Philip wants to wait for the heat to die down before departing.

Now Reba Sue gets to know Suzanne and is intrigued by high fashion and luxury.  She is also fascinated by Kirk, Karen's BF.  Harlan never touches Reba Sue, but Kirk is all too willing.  Now Reba Sue and Kirk have passion...and Karen finds out.  A great catfight ensues and Reba Sue murders the nubile Karen by bludgeoning her with a moonshine jug.  The massacre has begun.  Carnage follows.  Big chested babes in go-go attire will be put in great peril.  Bear traps and religious fanaticism will level our gang...but Philip has a gun and his gang will fight back.  Reba Sue, when clothed, gets smarter and more conniving.  Who sill survive?

Will the backwoods Reba Sue murder all the go-go babes and make off with a big city fella?  Will any of the thieves survive the bear traps and moonshine? Perhaps this question is relevant for all of our daily plights? Will Reba Sue end up with go-go boots and jewels to replace her tight denim shorts?  A lot of cheese in this one and many of the babes will die horribly.  For some relevant social commentary and nubile babes in great peril, see "Demented Death Farm Massacre."   

Saturday, December 9, 2023

The Swinging Barmaids, Lovely Cocktail Waitresses Shredded

A great waitress can have you returning to any establishment.  Sure, the drinks may be watered down... but talent is talent.  A comely smile and a tight posterior makes up for the bad beer. A smile, a wink, and perhaps some flirting...and now you are off your diet and ordering the special.  When the barmaids start dying horribly, this is a real tragedy.  Afterall, if we wanted a wholesome meal, we'd go to Denny's. Today we look at 1975's "The Swinging Barmaids," directed by Gus Trikonis.

Four sultry barmaids work their trade at a seedy nightclub.  The lovelies are dressed like Playboy Bunnies, except without the ears and tails.  After hours, the gals catfight and giggle.  Sultry blonde barmaid Boo-Boo (Dyanne Thorne) returns home not knowing a weird customer of hers has followed.  Boo-Boo's murder is heartbreaking. The killer, Tom (Bruce Watson) chases her around the apartment and strangles the life out of her after stripping her.  Tom, a real psycho, poses Boo-Boo's nude body and photographs her. Boo-Boo's three colleagues walk in on this photo session and see the killer. Tom flees, changes his appearance, and gets a job at the same nightclub.

Now Tom, the new bouncer, is the unofficial protector of the three surviving lovelies. He has a crush on Jenny (Laura Hippe) apparent clean cut gal who is engaged to a doctor, Dave (Jim Travis). Tom decides to save her for last. Lt. White (William Smith) is on the case and places the gals under police custody.  This won't work.  Marie (Renie Radich) is next.  Tom will charge into the swimming pool with her and another elongated death scene occurs.  Poor Marie, her bikini will be torn off and her corpse will be placed on a pool chair for a tan.  Jenny will have pre-marital sex with Dave, and peeping tom Tom will witness it.  Susie will get a part in a movie and Tom will go after her.  Lt. White is slow moving and not a very good detective.  Tom seems to have everyone beat in the brains department and Susie and Jenny might find this out the hard way.

Will Tom succeed in wiping out every barmaid at the nightclub?  Did Denny's ever have this same problem? Will the sultry surviving barmaids ever get a clue and be able to mount a counter-offensive against Tom the psycho?  The cheese factor is way past a perfect 10 in this exploitation film. For some prurient thrills and a peek back at a time when many enjoyed the Playboy Club for a few cocktails and dinner, see "The Swinging Barmaids."

Thursday, December 7, 2023

Neon City, Bus Ride through the Apocalypse

Alas, Lyle Alzado!  Vanity!  Taken from us too young.  Okay, the time they met their demises no one really cared.  Fame is even Irene Cara is gone.  But wait!  Michael Ironside is still with us!  The guy who blew up that dweeb's head in "Scanners" lives on, mostly as a grouchy old man.  Today we look at a rare Michael Ironside film in which he was top-billed, 1991's "Neon City," directed by Monte Markham.  This post-apocalyptic epic is set in the year 2053, but its; depiction of a bus ride through an environmental wasteland may be more glamorous than an actual Greyhound bus ride today.

Scouring the post-apocalyptic wasteland of the American west, bounty hunter Stark (Ironside) captures a sultry fugitive, Reno (Vanity).  Reno is wanted fore the murder of her parents.  Uh oh...he can't collect on her unless he brings her to the jurisdiction with the warrant on her...Neon City.  Now he has to get Reno to Neon City which is many miles away across a wasteland filled with radiation clouds, mutant killers, and potholes.  The only way to get there, after his jeep is blown up, is an overland transport driven by Bulk (Alzado).  It is more like an RV but with no shocks.  Reno is a doll but deadly.  Stark also must share the ride with a motley crew.  His ex-wife, the babe Sandy (Valerie Wildman), the rich snob Twink (Juliet Landau), psycho-killer Tom (Nick Klar), a magician (Richard Sanders) and a mad scientist.

The bus ride doesn't go well.  Stark must act as protector as mutants attack almost immediately.  The film takes on the flavor of "Road Warrior" as a lot of gunfights between the good guys in the RV and mutants on motorcycles and jalopies ensue.  Yep...Reno and Stark begin to fall in love.  Yep, Sandy falls back in love with Stark.  In 2053, a real man can command more than one babe.  Uh one knows Tom is a psycho killer...they think he's a doctor.  This mistake in identity will be fatal to some of the passengers,  Now Stark is torn whether to actually turn Reno in to collect the reward, or just keep her for himself. Radiation storms and more mutants will imperil this journey as our friends near Neon City.

Will Stark collect the reward for Reno or keep her as a paramour?  Is there a catfight brewing between Sandy and Reno over the grouchy bounty hunter?  Will psycho-killer Tom lay claim to any of the babes on this transport to Neon City?  A post-apocalyptic film from 1991 is guaranteed to be amazing. With a great cast, some terrific shootouts, babes, and mutants, what's not to like?  See "Neon City" and remember the days when we all stayed up late on Fridays to watch HBO or Cinemax.  


Tuesday, December 5, 2023

Indiscretions, A Monster Chases a Babe

Okay, this is another film that won't get much love.  The budget is non-existent and so are any kind of special f/x.  Sure, the creature is less than lame.  But!  This one stars Rachel Robbins as a seductress in peril.  Enough said.  What the makers could have done with just...let's say...$400 million!  Well, whatever the budget, Playboy model Rachel Robbins is always worth the price of admission.  Today we look at a Florida film, 2009's "Indiscretions," directed by Jason Liquori. 

Five years ago, idiot Mickey (Anesti Vega) did something awful and went to prison.  Now he's out and his too faithful babe wife, Jessie (Billie Jo Creamer) desires to reconnect.  She decides an overnight hike to a quaint cabin in the Florida wilderness will provide opportunity to see if the two are still compatible.  They bicker along the way and it is clear Jessie needs to move on.  But wait!  Park Rangers, armed with a squirt gun, are warning hikers about a rogue bear.  Uh oh...its not a bear.  What it is is a monster so horrific, so evil, so sordid that capturing it appropriately on the screen is impossible. So why even try. Enter Seets (Robbins).  She's sultry in her tight jeans and runs to Jessie and Mickey.  She is being chased and the bickering couple invite her to join them at their cabin.

Seets is a damsel in peril.  Whatever beast is loose in the Florida wilderness wants her...of course, who wouldn't?  She will then try to seduce Mickey and Jessie and drive the couple even further apart.  The blonde babe will even have very sexy red laced intimates on under her clothes.  Hark, the roar outside indicates the beast is getting closer.  Jessie and Mickey argue more and Seets takes the opportunity to increase her seduction of Mickey.  Mickey does not have a prayer.  Jessie is sad and realizes she has made a mistake by trying to work things out with her ex-con husband.  The roar gets louder and a creature of unimaginable horror is practically at the doorstep of this cabin.  Don't worry, the budget of this film will spare you any scares in this matter.  But, even without a budget, Rachel Robbins can still pull off layers of clothes and give a nice seduction show.

Okay. That's enough.  The story is a good one...Rachel Robbins is beautifully cast as the supposed damsel in distress.  Will the beast capture Seets and if so what does it plan to do with her?  Is there any hope for the marriage between Jessie and Mickey?  Will Seets and Mickey engage in a catfight or passion?  However lacking this film is, the cheese factor is impressive and it is far better than any of those Marvel monstrosities.  So, avoid anything with Brie Larson and take in a satisfying Rachel Robbins flick.  See "Indiscretions," you won't regret choosing Ms. Robbins.    

Sunday, December 3, 2023

OctoGames, Squid Game Rip-Off

I watched the first episode of "Squid Game." Was okay, not great.  Never watched another episode. I'm not into TV shows and the original episode wasn't good enough to convince me to invest much more time in it.  Hence 2022's "OctoGames," a rip-off of that Korean Netflix show.  "OctoGames," directed by Rod Hardy, is easier to take...and only an 88 minute investment in time.  It is actually pretty good with some nice kills, quirky plot devices, and a very sweet star, Lacy Hartselle.  Let us take a look at a rip-off that is even better than the targeted epic.

JaxPro (Brad Belemjian) is a social media king with billions of YouTube followers. He is throwing a contest...OctoGames.  A lot of social media influencers are accepted to play not knowing that losing will result in gory death.  JaxPro's idea will have the contestants compete in children's games.  First up, "Simon Says." This game will whittle the field down to eight.  Moving when Simon did not tell you results in being murdered by a sniper rifle or pummeled by a sledgehammer guy in a fox costume (Patrick Sharn). Now JaxPro has the attention of the final eight.  Of them, we like Carrie (Hartselle) the best...she's a doll and an aspiring singer.  Each subsequent game will eliminate one more contestant.

Hopscotch will be next, followed by an obstacle course, then Musical Chairs, etc. The loser is murdered in gory fashion. Guards with rifles keep the contestants prisoner and sweet Carrie will get sweet on AJ (Luv Patel) and bond with comedienne Maxine (Allison Shrum).  The evil Squish (Cael Adcock) will cheat, and we love to hate him.  The deaths will be heartbreaking. Betrayal and intrigue will work their ways into the plot.  Even JaxPro's sultry GF, Luna (Fallon Gyurko) will be put in great'll see. The winner stands to inherit JaxPro's empire and billions of followers...for whatever that is worth.  Greed, emptiness, and social disfunction, rule the existence of the contestants.  JaxPro baited them perfectly and now he laughs at their demises.

Will there be a winner, or does JaxPro intend to murder them all?  Will Carrie be the "Final Girl," and if so, will that mean her crush on AJ will have to end?  What does one actually do with a billion or so that even something that is appealing?  So don't invest a couple or a few seasons on some over-rated Netflix series when the 88 minute "OctoGames" is a much better investment in time. 

Friday, December 1, 2023

Obsessions, Peeping Tom Euro-Trash

Euro-Trash...the definition is not needed by readers of this blog.  Suffice it to say there will be Euro-babes in states of nakedness in great peril.  Today we look at a film from The Netherlands.  We will also be reminded in gory detail that minding one's own business is a prudent course of action, even when nakedness and deviance abound.  Our feature today is "Obsessions," directed by Pim de la Parra and co-written by Martin Scorsese. 

Nils (Dieter Geissler) is an idiot.  The schmuck is a medical student about to take his boards.  Instead of studying he watches his deviant neighbor through a peep-hole in the wall.  The deviant (Tom van Beek) is a handsome man who always has euro-babes over for deviant sex and weird deviance in the bathroom.  Psychedelic drugs and bondage are often used by this guy.  Okay, Nils' GF is a babe, Marina (Alexandra Stewart).  Nils and her will have a lot of pre-marital sex and both will engage in gratuitous showers...this is after all... Euro-Trash. Now Marina is interested in what is going on next door.  Nils, instead of studying for his boards, decides to sneak into the apartment when Mr. Deviant leaves.  He'll find psychedelics, a lot of cash, and unconscious babes strung out or in bondage.

Nils will spend a lot of time peeping and investigating.  Unbeknownst to him, Marina believes the deviant is involved in a murder she is investigating for her newspaper.  The former fashion writer turned crime writer may be in over her head.  Nils, in his investigation, seems to conclude his neighbor is a pusher and may be involved in a murder.  One day Nils sneaks in and carries a strung out and naked dame (Vibeke Lokkeberg) back to his own bed.  Who is the deviant now?  The girl sobers up and the two will exchange a small level of passion.  Now both Marina and Nils are targets from unknown killers.  We cheer for Marina because she is a doll...we don't cheer for Nils because he's an idiot.  Then as Marina's news story comes together, and Nils starts seeing things that indicate murder and mayhem, the duo plunge even deeper into the abyss of danger, bondage, hallucinogens, and deviance.

What exactly is going on in the next door apartment?  Because this is Euro-Trash, will Marina die horribly due to a sex crime?  Will Nils ever get to studying for his medical boards?  Erotic, deviant, and compelling.  "Obsessions" is a Euro-Trash film that will disturb you and send you to the showers after the end credits.