The Golden Mistress, Love, Treasure, and Voodoo in Haiti

Our feature today is shot in Haiti using lots of Haitians in the cast. Haiti!  Was it ever a nice place?  By the looks of this film, it did have its beauty, at least in the 1950s, long before the Clinton Foundation got its claws into it and drained it of all its financial and natural resources. Before being raped by the Clintons, the island was a mess, but movies could be shot there. The real star of this film is bathing beauty Rosemarie Stack (she was married to Robert Stack for 47 years).  She'll have a number of gratuitous swimsuit scenes and a lot of lip-locking with hunk co-star John Agar. The allure of her performance alone is reason to put this one on. Now let us look at 1954's "The Golden Mistress," directed by Abner Biberman. 

Bill (Agar) is a loser treasure hunter trying not to have his boat repossessed.  Him and Carl Dexter (Biberman) both seek the statue of The Golden Mistress. Carl is a veritable thief whereas Bill is a good guy. Carl steals the statue from a voodoo ceremony and has the wrath of voodoo gods upon him. Yep, voodoo will win. Now Carl's sultry daughter, Ann (Stack), hires Bill after springing him from prison. The two have met before and hate one another and Bill ended up throwing her overboard. Now Ann needs Bill to find the treasure of The Untamed. The Untamed? A lost, maybe extinct, Haitian tribe that keeps a golden treasure. The Untamed, if they do still exist, hold the key to enormous wealth for Ann and Bill.

Bill and Ann? Yep...you guessed it. Ann hates him until Bill grabs her, forces a kiss on her, gets slapped for his effort, then draws her in tight and gives her an uber-passionate kiss. Bill knows dames and has just reminded Ann she is a dame. Now Ann will love Bill. So, take-that woke America! Men used to be men and women used to be women. The duo consult a voodoo chieftain who Bill has earned favor with, Iznard (Andre Narcisse). Iznard knows about The Untamed but does not want to endanger Bill by letting him in on forbidden secrets. When Bill saves Iznard's son from a shark, the voodoo chief takes Bill on a marvelous journey to Haitian ruins that reveal the location of The Untamed. This is a voodoo no-no, and Iznard will pay for his generosity.  Now Ann and Bill set sail to find The Untamed and the treasure that they seek.

Snakes, eels, octopi, barracuda, leeches, and crocodiles menace Bill and especially Ann throughout the duration of this film. Mrs. Stack is marvelous and so sultry in peril, in states of undress, all wet, and in swimsuits.  Bill is a perfect hunk that reminds Ann of her true role...a woman. For a non-woke voodoo thriller filmed in Haiti, see "The Golden Mistress." 

Red Sonja (2025), Sweaty Babes with Swords

Today we have a much maligned 2025 film that is a remake of a 1985 much maligned film. Truth be known, both are pretty good films. In the one 40 years ago, the film makers were so aghast at the performance of Brigitte Nielsen, they promoted this one as an Arnold Schwarzenegger film.  Today Matilda Lutz takes the title role and she is overshadowed by no one...except maybe Wallis Day. We have Ms. Lutz in a metal bikini wielding a sword and in several catfights with Miss Day, clad in white leather. Yep, this new one may be the best film of 2025.  The cheese factor is tremendous, there are beheadings, monsters, and even a mad scientist.  Let us look at the very ambitious "Red Sonja," directed by MJ Bassett.

In the days of swords and sorcerers, the sultry Sonja (Lutz) roams the forests communing with nature and animals. She has to as her village was destroyed by barbarians many years ago. Uh oh, the evil Emperor Draygan (Robert Sheehan) wants the forest. His desire is to cut down all the trees and kill all the animals. Red Sonja tries to stop him, but Draygan's bride-to-be, the insane blonde beauty Annisia kicks the snot out of Sonja and now Sonja is caged. Noticing Sonja's fighting ability, Draygan sends her to live in a cell with other frisky prisoners, for which Petra (Rhona Mitra) is one. They are used as fodder for arena fights with monsters and other brute barbarians. Sadly, Rhona Mitra will meet a bloody death here. Sonja and her mates will be put against a 30-foot cyclops. Uh oh, a mad scientist has invented a device that if put on the back of the monsters, their actions can be controlled by Draygan.

The prisoners escape and Draygan and his forces pursue them. In the woods, Sonja organizes her mates into an army. Draygan, knowing Annisia can kick the snot out of Sonja, tasks her with murdering the redhead. Another catfight looms and Annisia will again decimate our babe heroine. Now Draygan plots the extermination of all Sonja, her friends, all the animals, and the trees.  Sonja gets sweet on handsome Osin (Luca Pasqualino), but like all men, he is useless. Still, he's a hunk. Annisia continues humiliating Sonja, Sonja kills all others who she fights with, and the balance of good and evil is at stake in pristine forests.

The sword catfighting between the sultry blonde Annisia in white leather and Sonja in a metal bikini is alone worth the price of admission.  Babes and hunks will sweat and grunt as they wield weapons. Monsters will roar.  Swords will impale. Heads will be chopped off.  Oh, and yes, Rhona Mitra is in this. There is no reason not to see 2025's "Red Sonja," especially if you like sultry dames catfighting.   

The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre, An Awkward Horror Story

How many of you had awkward Thanksgiving gatherings?  That weird relative, who you swear is a pedophile was seated next to you at the dinner table. Or that drooling nerd who has never kissed a girl in his 22 years on the planet is asking you all about your revealing cheerleading costume.  Or perhaps your mom and dad asks everyone if they want to see your Christening photographs.  We've all had awkward moments during Thanksgiving dinners in our past, but in today's feature, an awkward Thanksgiving turns into cannibalistic horror...perhaps a metaphor for so much.  Let us take a look at 2025's "The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre," directed by Steve Lawson. 

400 years ago the Reverend (not priest) Fuller (Mark Topping) is banished from the settlement of the Pilgrims and forced to build his cabin in the wilderness. Winter comes and he and his big breasted wife are dying of cold and starvation.  Driven mad, Fuller grabs a sickle and axe and cuts his wife to pieces and eats her.  Then he takes his pistol and blows his brains out. 400 years later the weird Tom (Jo Krayer) comes to the cabin to spend Thanksgiving with his new slut-girlfriend, English-babe Sara (Dani Thompson).  Sara has big...er, a big smile and she and Tom have sex a lot.  Sara only has packed lingerie and negligees.  Also arriving at the cabin is Tom's teen-aged nerd son Noah (Brooklyn Ross), and teenage daughter Andi (Holly Higbee). Uh oh, Cyndy (Liz Soutar) is Tom's ex-wife and she is forced to stay for Thanksgiving after dropping the kids off because her car is dead. Cyndy and Sara sneer a lot at one another.

Awkward? Yes! Sara only wants sex with Tom and has no love for his kids or the ex.  The ex reminds Sara that Tom has no money. Then we find out this modern cabin was built on the site of Reverend Fuller's cabin. Yep, as Sara is seducing Noah in the sauna, Fuller is mysteriously resurrected.  The fiend immediately finds his old sickle and axe and is hungry again.  The horrific reverend intends to chop everyone up into little pieces and eat them.  Guess who he chops up first!  The answer might surprise you.  What follows is a heartbreaking horror story in which the victims are not necessarily the ones you figured would be victims. Even though Fuller is back and is hungry, both Sara and Cyndy probably have more to fear from each other than the ghoul who now hunts them.

Is there a catfight brewing between Sara and Cyndy...or even Sara and Andi?  Will Sara de-virginize Noah in the sauna?  Is there any happy ending for Tom now that his new lover and ex-wife are in close quarters with him?  This is a gory one and as far as slasher films go, there is some nice axe and sickle gore to accompany the cannibalism.  For a nice holiday horror film watch, see "The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre."

Hangover Square, Wake Up a Murderer

There you are.  You wake up, or snap out of it!  No memory of the last hour, or 24. The newspaper is filled with stories of young women strangled in your neighborhood and the cops have no clues. Anything to worry about?  For our protagonist, or is he an antagonist, in our film, there might be.  Even worse, there are two babes in his life...both have necks that scream, "Strangle me!" Laird Cregar usually plays the heavy, but in today's film, he plays a sympathetic sort who might be the victim of a weird amnesia. Our feature is 1945's "Hangover Square," directed by John Brahm.

George Harvey Bone (Cregar) is a wonderful pianist and composer. He's working on a beautiful concerto that will be performed and conducted in a big concert hall and directed by the great composer Sir Henry Chapman (Alan Napier). Uh oh, as the film begins George is murdering an antique dealer. Hey, we all have bad days. He'll wake with no memory of the past 24 hours and is worried he murdered someone. The cops investigate and George's buddy, Dr. Allan Middleton (George Sanders) assures George the knife in George's possession has no blood or fiber on it. Oh, George is sweet on Sir Henry's daughter, Barbara (Faye Marlowe). She's so pure and nubile. Uh oh, Allan is also sweet on her. Allan prescribes a treatment for George to rid himself of these spells...stop composing music. George has a concerto to finish for Sir Henry so he disregards this advice.  

George wanders into a dancehall and sees Netta (Linda Darnell) sing to a bunch of drunks. Her dancehall flair is not becoming of polite society but George is captivated by her. He writes a song for her to sing and she loves it. Now Netta uses and seduces George to keep writing her songs. George is entranced by this siren and is at her command. George thinks they are in love, though Netta is actually desiring to marry promoter Eddie (Glenn Langan). Uh oh, George has more spells and he also has a strong cord, perfect for strangling.  The bodies pile up and George keeps getting pulled deeper into Netta's world of seduction, exploitation, and ruin. Netta keeps seducing and she looks really great doing it.  George seems to be more focused on her neck, now.  As George is conflicted between writing a concerto for Sir Henry, and writing bar songs for Netta, his mind seems more apt to fall into one of his spells.

Will George murder one of the two babes in his life?  Will Allan wrest Barbara from George? Is George a good bloke or a prurient murderer that rivals Jack the Ripper? The ending of this film is one of the best endings ever put on the silver screen.  Ms. Darnell and Ms. Marlowe turn in incredibly seductive performances.  Laird Cregar, if you are unfamiliar with his work, is an actor you need to see more of. For suspense, and horror, and a great ending, see "Hangover Square."

Alpha Code, Denise Richards is in it!

Why, oh why, did I watch this movie!?  Easy.  Denise Richards is in it. Oh, that fighter guy, Randy Couture is in it too! Oh, so is Ben Foster!  Wait!  Did I say Ben Foster? Excuse me...Bren Foster.  What's the difference? The difference is Ben Foster is not in this one...even though we thought he was until midway through the movie. But, Denise Richards is in it and she looks...pretty good, though she could have smiled some more and showed more skin...just saying. Our feature today is 2020's "Alpha Code," directed by Keoni Waxman and made in the Czech Republic, or is that Czechia now?

Plot? Fine, but remember, you asked!  A woman and a baby are sucked up into a UFO in Prague. Relevance to the film?  Maybe some...who knows?  Okay, Martin (Ben, I mean Bren Foster) drives his sultry daughter home to a country cottage. Teri (Sabina Rojkova) might be the Czech version of Denise Richards...hopefully she will not date Charlie Sheen or catfight with Heather Locklear...though if those things were in this movie, they might have gotten Ben Foster to be in it. Yep, UFOs and aliens pay the cottage a visit and take Teri and leave Martin unconscious. Martin awakes in a hospital and the ruthless U.N. agent Ray Bowie (Randy Couture) yells at him.  Why? Because he's not Ben Foster, maybe.

Martin escapes to try to find his daughter and meets Johana (Richards) on line.  Upset Martin is not Ben Foster, Johana is vague with him.  Apparently Johana and Martin both had loved ones taken by the UFOs and Agent Bowie wants to kill them because of that...you know the U.N.  Johana introduces Martin to the "Unchosen." No, not the TV show. The "Unchosen" were not...chosen...by the aliens in UFOs, I guess.  But, their loved ones were.  Why?  Maybe the aliens wanted to get Ben Foster and this guy Bren shows up so they sic Randy Couture on them.  Maybe. Martin and Johana will kiss, but that's it, and Johana introduces him to Lance (Marek Vasut).  Lance tells Martin that he can communicate to the aliens.  Johana continues to look sad and serious and will set off with Martin to find...something by Geocaching. Nerds!

Will Denise Richards smile and have pre-marital sex with the guy who is not Ben Foster?  Couldn't the makers of this film spent a little more money and gotten Heather Locklear and put in a catfighting scene with her and Denise Richards?  Is this film required for Charlie Sheen in whatever therapy program he is in?  Oh, what Joel and the 'bots could have done with this one!  Well, watch the film if you must.  At very least...Denise Richards is in it...which is always better than Meryl Streep.  See "Alpha Code," and don't say I didn't warn you.   

Creature with the Atom Brain, Atomic Zombies used for Revenge

Angela Stevens is a fine looking dame and is second-billed in our feature today.  The sultry blonde plays Joyce who looks great in a shiny white robe and loves to be swatted on the buttocks. Now that's a dame we can all get behind. Alas, she has little bearing on the plot, but when she's on screen, getting spanked or pulled into bed, it is so nice. Okay, the plot in this film is driven by men, as are wars, death, dismemberment, and destruction.  Let us look at 1955's "Creature with the Atom Brain," directed by Edward L. Cahn.

Buchanan (Michael Granger) is back. He was sentenced to five years and swore revenge on all those who put him away. He has returned with a Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Steigg (Gregory Gaye) who has perfected resurrecting corpses into controllable zombies. Buchanan has Steigg make him a bunch of these zombies and sends them after the people who helped convict him. The fiends are superhuman, immune to bullets, and leave a trail of radiation. Police scientist Dr. Chet Walker (Richard Denning) is on the case. He has a lovely wife and tries to pull her into bed and swats her little behind. Back to the important parts of the plot. Chet figures out the killers all are radioactive and their blood is some crystallized radioactive solution. They also have electrodes in their brains that are powered by an atomic machine in Buchanan's basement laboratory.

At will, Buchanan sends the fiends out to commit murder.  When Buchanan realizes Chet and the cops are getting close to finding his secret laboratory, he warns them to stop looking. The cops keep looking and the fiends sabotage airplanes, trains, and utility plants.  Now with the city powerless to stop Buchanan and his minions, and with Joyce being spanked, Chet and the cops have to get smart and quickly track the monsters to Buchanan's lab.  Uh oh...Chet's buddy, police captain Dave (S. John Laurens) is captured and turned into an atomic zombie and sent to pay Joyce a visit.

Will Joyce be spanked by an atomic zombie?  Will Chet locate Buchanan before his wife gets spanked by an atomic zombie?  Will Joyce end up having the world's first atomic offspring?  Okay, that last question was inappropriate.  Anyway, for a fantastic 1950s scifi/horror B movie, see "Creature with the Atom Brain" and learn where that Japanese fetish of radioactive spanking comes from.   

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys, Three Full Moon Features Converge

You have to love Full Moon Features and Charles Band.  Today we look at one that takes three of their films, "Dollman," "Demonic Toys," and "Bad Channels" and meshes them. Today's feature will give us a sultry cop and a sultry nurse, a rarity in today's films.  Throw in neat monsters, an evil baby, a big spider, laser fights, and gunfights.  Our film today is Charles Band's 1993 "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys." 

The sultry policewoman, in tight jeans and halter top, Judith (Tracy Scoggins) is back at the warehouse that houses demonic toys. They mock her and escape from her through the AC ventilation shafts. Now she seeks help and hunts out dollman, the foot tall cop from another world, Brick (Tim Thomerson). Brick? He's in search of the sultry Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr), who was shrunk by aliens in "Bad Channels." She's a babe and Brick needs a dame. Judith finds both of them and convinces them to help her hunt the four remaining demonic toys (baby doll, GI Joe, a Jack-in-the-box head, and robot). Now the trio return to the warehouse and the evil toys are waiting.  War breaks out and the casualties will be heartbreaking.

The evil toys like to capture beautiful women, put them into a pentagram, and feast on their blood.  Thus, Ginger and Judith are prime targets.  Oh, yeah...the baby doll wants to mate with Ginger and have her birth the devil reincarnate...happens. Brick chases the evil things, engages in gunfights, and now must save Ginger from a fate worse than death.  Brick is right out of a Sam Spade Film Noir film. Ginger is right out of a nurse-ploitation film. Judith is the hottest detective you will ever see ("Cagney and Lacey" fans should just go watch a Meryl Streep film, instead). We need to see more Tracy Scoggins films!

Will the evil baby doll impregnate Judith with the devil's seed?  Will Judith survive the wrath of the evil toys a second time?  Will Brick save the dames and begin a beautiful relationship with the shrunken nurse?  This is a good one with great monsters, sultry babes, and a hard boiled alien cop.  See "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" and enjoy some great cheese and beef with icky monsters.

Beast of War, World War 2 Great White Shark

From Australia, a Great White shark film. There's a country with some standing when it comes to this toothy menace. Combine it with being a World War 2 film and this is an extra bonus. We even get a real monster of a shark, a 20 footer!  Soldiers will be feasted on, limbs will be bitten off torsos, and Aussie army men will fight Japs, sharks, and their own personal demons.  Our feature today is 2025's "Beast of War," directed by Kiah Roache-Turner.

1942, in the rainy, muddy, jungle of northern Australia, recruits are going through boot camp. The youngsters are learning to be soldiers. There we meet Will (Joel Nankervis) and Leo (Mark Coles Smith). Will is a brain and does not seem to be cut out to be a soldier.  Leo is a hunk and seems very cut out to be a soldier. They'll bond and when boot camp is over, are sent on the same ship to fight the Japanese. Boom!  Japanese fighters sink the ship and most on the troops on the transport ship die and are eaten by sharks.  About seven or eight survive on a makeshift raft.  Some are wounded and their blood leaks into the sea. Now a 20-footer arrives. The Great White shark has a broken siren imbedded in its fin and when it approaches, a haunting sound is heard.

Rations are low and the men watch as Bobby (Tristan McKinnon) is eaten first, followed by Stan (Maximillian Johnson).  Now the men realize they have to do something other than just sit on their raft, which is stuck in a fog bank.  The shark is aggressive and when it is ready for another meal, it just rams the rickety raft. Remember Will the brainiac?  He starts using his head and comes up with some nice ideas for survival. He even spots a motorboat, but as luck would have it, it is several yards away from their raft.  If things could not get any worse...the Japanese come back to finish the job.

Can Will figure out a way to get to the motorboat?  Will the warrior Leo prove might and brawn is more important than brains in this situation? Is the big bad Great White a mere metaphor for the monster that is war and its desire to eat us all up, even if we survive?  Ask the Russians and Ukrainians that one.  For a gory, poignant, and terrifying big shark, see "Beast of War."  

The Hypnotic Eye, Beautiful Women Mutilate Themselves

Ever been hypnotized? You sure?  If you answered no, how can you be sure?  Maybe you are still hypnotized. If you are, you may all of a sudden bark like a dog, flap your arms like a bird...or take a straight razor to your face.  In today's motion picture, sultry dames, for no apparent reason, maim their faces with razors, or acid, or blades of a fan, or fire.  Let us look at 1960's "The Hypnotic Eye," directed by George Blair.  Warning...this is a shocking one and may cause you to turn your face away from the screen.

As our film begins, a sultry blonde is shampooing her hair when she suddenly sticks her head on the burner of her stove, lighting her whole head on fire. She is the 11th such victim, all sultry dames, all marring their faces. This latest one is the first one to die.  The first 10 can provide no clue as to why they did what they did. The hunk, Detective Dave Kennedy (Joe Patridge) is on the case. His buddy, police psychiatrist Dr. Phil Hecht (Guy Prescott) try to solve it. Wouldn't you know it, Dave has a date with the sultry Marcia (Marcia Henderson).  They are going to see a stage hypnotist with Marcia's nubile and sultry bestie, Dodie (Merry Enders). The trio enjoy The Great Desmond (Jacques Bergerac) as he puts on a fascinating hypnotism show. At the end, Dodie volunteers to be hypnotized. All seems fine until Dodie goes home and washes her face with sulphuric acid. Now her face is hideous. Marcia thinks Desmond did it...at least his hypnotic powers did it.

Okay, Marcia plays detective and returns the next night. By the way, Desmond has a sultry assistant, Justine (Allison Hayes). She is the definition of the word sultry, you'll see.  Marcia agrees to be hypnotized and believes she fakes her way through it. But does she? Now she accepts a date with Desmond as Dave and Phil follow. Marcia will then have Justine waiting for her at her apartment. Justine has plans for Marcia but Dave arrives and chases her away. Desmond and Phil then put their heads together as Marcia, entranced, is no longer any help...and soon may not be beautiful, anymore.

Why are sultry dames having their faces horribly mutilated?  Will Marcia be the latest victim?  Just where does Justine fit into all of this?  This is a graphic and vicious horror film and to see what happens to these beauties is difficult to watch. We gasp as Marcia seems to be heading into mutilation and torment.  For a horror film with great cheesecake (though most of the cheesecake will turn to toast), and an exotic hunk hypnotist, see "The Hypnotic Eye," and beware...you just may be hypnotized as the end credits roll.

The Mutations, Plants vs. Babes

This is one of those creepy and icky ones that will give you nightmares.  You will wince when you see what happens to the most beautiful dames in London. A mad scientist, some circus freaks, and nubile babes is never a good combination...especially for the nubile babes.  Man eating plants!  Laboratory mutations!  The horrific marring the beautiful!  Horrific indeed.  Our feature today is 1974's "The Mutations," directed by Jack Cardiff.

Dr. Nolter (Donald Pleasance) is our mad scientist.  He has figured out a way to speed up evolution. He has also figured out a way to mix human and plant DNA to create a man-plant. Nolter hires circus freaks who hunt down and capture Euro-babe Bridget (Olga Anthony). The sultry redhead will be stripped and pawed by freak Lynch (Tom Baker) and given to Nolter. In Nolter's lab, the helpless and nude redhead will be zapped with the scientist's new ray gun and turn into a hideous lizard-woman. Sad. Her buddies worry about her.  Her buddies Lauren (Jill Haworth) and Tony (Scott Antony) get aggressive in looking for her. The fate of these two when they come up against the circus freaks will be sad.  Especially for Tony who becomes a plant-man who feeds on people.

American scientist Brian (Brad Harris) arrives and romances Lauren and Tony's friend Hedi (Julie Ege). Hedi takes a gratuitous bath and while all wet and nude, a creature comes to get her.  Now Brian must race against time, circus freaks, and a mad scientist to prevent the nude and helpless Swedish babe from getting turned into a hideous green mutation.  Meanwhile the circus freaks decide to inflict their own brand of justice...you'll see.

Will the nubile Swedish beauty, Hedi, be able to keep her beauty or become a vegetable?  Just what fate did fell the lovely Lauren?  Will the circus freaks be able to have their way with the nubile babes?  This is a hard one to watch. The fate of the babes will make you shiver.  The plant creatures are icky and terrifying.  For a great monster/mad scientist/Euro-trash film with nubile babes, often naked and wet, see "The Mutations."

Project Ithaca, A Slimy Bio-Mechanized Tentacled Monster

"Project Ithaca" may be the worst name for a film this century. A better name for this one would be "The Slimy Tentacled Bio-Mechanized Creature Goes Berserk." See, that has a ring to it. Don't listen to me though, go ahead, go with "Project Ithaca."  See how many people actually watch your film. Well, because we have a slimy tentacled bio-mechanized creature, we do at least have a worthwhile film.  Our feature today is 2019's "Project Ithaca," directed by Nicholas Humphries.

Okay, we begin at a top secret mountain laboratory, focusing on ETs and UFO contact.  A little girl Sera (Deragh Campbell) seems to have a psychic connection to an alien intelligence. The kind and benign John (James Gallanders) oversees the project and watches out for Sera as his higher-ups see her as a potential weapon for the defense department. We'll skip the backstory, though it is fascinating and telling. Sera goes missing...and a week later, so does John. Yep, they are pulled into an alien ship with a half dozen other unrelated schmucks.  They are all secured by slimy tentacles that get tighter when they struggle.  Here are a couple of kickers, as they say.  The peeps are from different times in history.  Also, the spaceship seems to fuel itself on their fear, thus the tentacled creature appears and scares them.

Now the poor schmucks need to work together to survive and escape. There is Zack (Alex Woods) a rock star.  There is Perry (Daniel Fathers) a hardened convict. Rhonda (Konima Parkinson-Jones), a teacher.  Then there is Alex (Caroline Raynaud), a heroin whore. Sera tries to guide all of them to survival and with Sera and John, we find out more about the creature, the ship, and its motive.  We find out that the ship is built on nano-technology and Sera is in the aliens plans for conquest and procreation. Now the creature must get more aggressive as it may not be in as much control as it would like to be.  However diminutive Sera might appear, she definitely spooks her captors, too.  Now the survival of John and the fellow captives, and maybe that of mankind, depends on Sera's ability to battle the tentacled menace and get her and her new buddies off the ship.

Does the alien force desire to conquer the Earth or take over human bodies?  Can John and Sera outsmart this thing?  Will any of the other captives be at all useful in repelling the menace from other worlds?  The strength of this film is the slimy tentacled creature that prides itself on inducing fear.  For some nice slimy, tentacled, bio-mechanized creature horror, see "Project Ithaca" and try to work around that awful title.    

Terror at Tenkiller, A Perfect 1980s Slasher Film

The gush of slasher films began waning in 1986.  The 80s were the Golden Era of slasher films, though most of the famous ones emanated from the earlier part of the decade.  Sadly, our feature today was an easy one to miss.  With a straight-to-VHS feel to it, it came out way before the straight-to-VHS craze prevalent in the 1990s.  All the great tropes that endear us to this slasher sub-genre are here.  Two nubile, often nude damsels in peril.  A moralistic slasher.  Immoral sultry dames looking for pre-marital sex and finding death, instead. A big knife.  An Indian legend...etc.  Our feature today is 1986's "Terror at Tenkiller," directed by Ken Meyer.

What a first few minutes! The pretty waitress Denise (Jill Holmes) is dragged into the woods by moralistic hunk Tor (Michael Shamus Wiles). He slits her throat and disposes of her body in the middle of the lake, just as he has done to several babes already. Next, the lovely blonde Leslie (Stacey Logan) swims in the pool at her college, climbs out all wet and sexy, heads up to the locker room for a gratuitous shower, and meets her bestie, the lovely Janna (Michele Merchant) in the locker room. Leslie is sad because the only BF she has had is getting abusive.  Josh (Kevin Meyer) is very possessive and is almost at the point of physical abuse to the nubile blonde. Janna convinces Leslie to go to Tenkiller Lake with her this summer for some recreation, safety away from Josh, and waitressing at a diner.  They go and both get jobs as waitresses at the diner where they meet the weird hunk Tor.

Debbie (Debbie Killian) is the current waitress at the diner and when she gets all dolled up for a date, Tor sees her. When Debbie gets home, Tor invades the hot tub she is in, and decimates her with a big knife. Tor is driven even more mad as he admires Leslie's beauty.  Leslie and Janna will have many nude scenes and gratuitous bikini scenes.  Now Tor's hormones are spiking as is his murderous libido. He'll kill more but we know that soon Janna and Leslie will have to deal with him.

Will Janna and or Leslie be skewered by the puritanical Tor?  Is Tor right, that all the hussies are asking for their fate?  Will Tor have pre-marital sex with them before or after killing them, and will they be nude or in bikinis when he attacks?  Okay, that last question was slightly gratuitous. For a moralistic and vicious slasher film from the 80s, see "Terror at Tenkiller."

The Last Breath, A Nordic Shark Film

We don't look to Belgium nor Sweden for our shark films. Nevertheless, we have one.  A good one.  A very good one. Gory and claustrophobic, this low-budget film does not look low-budget. Set in the British Virgin Islands, our sharks are vicious, big, and they will feast well.  Do not fact check this film as the ship in question may never have been anywhere near the Caribbean, but who cares...the US schools don't even teach history anymore (at least, true history). Our feature today is 2024's "The Last Breath," directed by Joachim Heden.  Of note, this was the last film made by Julian Sands.

Back in WW2, a U-Boat sinks the USS Charlotte in the Caribbean.  There are survivors but sharks eat them.  80 years later, two shipwreck hunters find the elusive ship.  Hunk Noah (Jack Parr) and his mentor Levi (Sands) have been looking for the wreck forever.  Now, after a hurricane shifts the sands, the boat is spotted 90% under those sands. Noah, back on the island meets up with old friends.  There is Wall Street rich guy Brett (Alexander Arnold), blonde babe Riley (Erin Mullen), dweeb Logan (Arlo Carter), and of more note, the babe Sam (Kim Spearman). Sam and Noah used to be lovers but Sam decided to go to New York and be a doctor as Noah decided to stay on the sea and hunt wrecks. Now the two look to rekindle. Uh oh, Levi is going to lose his boat as he owes creditors $36,000, but Brett offers to bail them out if they will take him and the gang on a dive of the Charlotte.  Hesitantly, Noah and Levi agree.

The five divers go down to the ocean floor and into the wreck. Noah is cautious but when the sharks come, it won't matter. Logan gets a chunk bitten out of his thigh and his GF Riley panics using up all her air.  Air pockets in the wreck are found but the crew is now lost inside the cavernous ship.  They do all they can to save Logan and Sam the doctor even finds a 1944 operating room with 80 year old anesthetics. You can imagine this won't go well as Logan's femoral artery is bitten through. Riley panics some more, and Brett is quick to blame Noah.  Sam falls more in love with Noah, though Brett is kind of right to blame him.  Oh, the shark?  More sharks arrive as the smell of blood is now intense.  Levi?  He can't dive anymore because of past injuries.  Air?  Running out too fast.

Will any in this cast survive?  Is there anything Levi can do for them from topside?  Will Noah fall as in love with Sam as Sam is with him?  Noah needs to stay brave and rational as all around him are either dying or panicking.  Self-sacrifice will rule the day and the sea creatures will eat well.  For a fantastic shark film from an unusual source, see "The Last Breath." 

 

Seclusion, Babe Shrink in Peril

I need to say this straight off...you may not like this one. Think of this film as Hallmark tries to make a thriller. Still, this one has some nice appeal. Dominique Swain is in it! Any movie she's in, I enjoy. Also, the psychiatrist in this film is quite a dish, and played by Nicky Whelan. With shrinks looking like her, I say 'bring on the mental illness!' Also, for a film called "Seclusion," Ms. Whelan is never alone in her perils. Let us look at 2025's "Seclusion," directed by Tom DeNucci. I should also point out, this director has made a lot of good movies.

Poor Madeline (Whelan). The sultry but capable shrink has almost cured psycho-David (Michael S. Messier, Jr.) when he leaps off the couch and strangles the babe. He's upset she does not love him...who wouldn't be? Now she needs seclusion to write her next bestseller.  Arriving in Rhode Island to her dad's (Fred Sullivan) beach house, she begins writing. Her loving sister Kelly (Swain) is happy to see her and she works for her dad fixing up the properties he owns. Madeline is now the sultriest dame in Rhode Island. Okay, that's not saying much, but trust me, she's a major league babe. The new book? Yep, she wants to show the world the perils of bi-polar disorder and with permission from her patient Heather (Amy Wade), she will put her therapy sessions with her in the book. Uh oh, Heather may be a real psycho...as Kelly points out.

While in Rhode Island, Madeline gets hot for a local guy, Tony (Michael Copon) who is all too eager to help her with stuff around the house. Then the weird stuff begins. An intruder at night puts Madeline on edge, to say the least. Also, Heather gets too curious about her during therapy sessions and shows up in town and at Kelly's birthday party. Madeline is mad and confronts the maybe-psycho Heather and this doesn't go well.  Heather is manipulative and seems adepts at controlling Madeline. Madeline, looking to attract the hunk Tony, dons a steamy red, slightly tight party gown, and emanates pheromones. Now we see a grand plot to ruin and probably murder Madeline is unfolding and she is powerless to detect it or stop it. 

The movie is flawed but on a damsel in peril level, this is a nice one. Ms. Whelan is uber-attractive and there are more than a few characters in this one who could be more psycho than Heather. Is it possible Heather, the psycho, is not the tormentor?  Is Madeline in danger from a psycho lesbian that wants her for her own?  This is my preference.  Or is Tony just too good and upset that she never paid any attention to him in high school?  For some great cheese and two great actresses looking so good, see "Seclusion."   

Snow White: A Deadly Summer, Maureen McCormick, Eric Roberts, and That Demon Gal

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! Yep, Maureen McCormick is in this one.  So is Eric Roberts! Both have big roles, not just cameos. Also, remember the demon in "The Exorcist"? Pessuto or something like that? She's in it...Eileen Dietz!  Even better, Marcia Brady's character is named Eve! Yep, the lunatic has multiple personalities in this film. Of course, there are hunks and babes who play delinquent teens...most will be murdered by...well, you'll see. Our feature today is 2012's "Snow White: A Deadly Summer," directed by David DeCoteau. Please ignore IMDB's rating of this film (2.3/10).

Snow (Shanley Caswell) is Grant's (Roberts) daughter. She hates her new stepmother, Eve (McCormick). Early on we see Eve is suffering from multiple personality disorder. Eve wants Snow out of the way because she wants all of Grant's attention. Snow is caught in a stolen car and Eve arranges for her to be sent to a juvenile boot camp for rehabilitation. The camp is run by a former Navy SEAL, Hunter (Tim Abell). She gets there with seven others, all babes or hunks. Hunter is a hard-a** and punishes them through labor, jumping jacks, and sneers. Uh oh...legend has it, 25 years ago, a female camper was murdered at this camp by another camper. The murderer camper ran into the woods and has never been seen again.  

Snow has weird dreams/visions about past events of murders and future murders.  The ones she has about future murders manifest and slowly the group of eight diminishes. Snow starts liking a hunk camper named Cole (Chase Bennett), and her b****y female cohorts begin dying or just become missing. One of the campers is a pure-bred psychopath (Aaron Jaeger). What's more, Hunter seems to be hiding something and he makes sure dead bodies disappear without a trace.  Uh oh...a weird woman emerges from the woods (Dietz) with knowledge of what happened 25 years ago. Uh oh again, you will never guess who was a juvenile delinquent at the camp 25 years ago...or who else was. Now the killer has Snow in his or her sights...and has a big knife.

Just who is murdering the hunk and babe juvenile delinquents?  Is the fact that Marcia-Marcia-Marcia had Dual Identity Disorder make her a suspect?  Did Cole come on to Snow too quickly for him to be for real? This is a fun one with one of those endings that many will hate, but worry not, it is still a messed up ending. For some "Brady Bunch" meets "The Exorcist" fun, see "Snow White: A Deadly Summer."

The Cleansing Hour, An Exorcist Reality Show

A buddy of mine, who is in the industry, told me that there is nothing on reality shows that is...real! Everything is altered, scripted, or just made up out of the blue. Whether it is Mormon wives, or truckers driving on ice, or even gruff brutes on crab boats...don't believe it. So no surprise when a reality show featuring exorcisms every week is found to be a fraud...until its not.  Our feature today is 2019's "The Cleansing Hour," directed by Damien LeVeck.

Father Max  (Ryan Guzman) is a hunk priest...okay, he isn't really a priest but don't tell his subscribers. He is a self proclaimed exorcist who has an on-line show in which he exorcizes a different poor schmuck every week. The poor schmuck, of course, is an actor.  His buddy Drew (Kyle Gallner) is his director, and Drew's pretty GF Lane hangs around them. We see the exorcisms and they are well done.  Special f/x, weird lighting, and cheap carnival tricks makes them look real. The bad news, the show has plateaued as far as subscribers and views. Max, Drew, and the producer Tommy (Daniel Hoffmann) rack their brains on how to get to the next level. Riley (Emma Holzer) and the boom guy Chris (Chris Lew Kum Hoi) round out the cast. I know, we have all heard, you should not fool around with the subject of possession or exorcism...but Max and crew are making livings doing just that.

Uh oh...all goes to Hell (kind of literally). With the actor who was supposed to play the possessed murdered by demons, Lane is pressed into the role at the last minute. Lane is a fine actress but soon, she will not be acting.  A demon really possesses her and all Hell breaks out on set (literally). Her voice changes, objects go flying across the room, demons appear, and the 50,000 viewers will rise into the several millions of viewers level. Gore and body-horror ensue and poor Riley, she will be impaled in the back of the head with a prop on the set. Now Max is drawn into an exorcism with a real demon and he has no clue.  The demon has the upper hand and Max' only prayer is if can remember the stuff he faked over the previous episodes.

This ends up being an ambitious horror film that all of you who read Revelation at the same time as news headlines will love.  It'll get gory and weird.  Lane, the pretty girlfriend, will spend most of the film hideous and disgusting.  For some nice possession horror and some nice lampooning of reality shows, see "The Cleansing Hour."    

The Neanderthal Man, Pre-Historic Horrors for California Babes

Beverly Garland!  Her and Veronica Lake are my two favorite actresses from yesteryear. Today we look at a film that will be difficult to watch for all of us Beverly Garland fans. A horror film. Brutal. Misogynistic. Unmerciful. See, Ms. Garland plays Nola, a sultry but friendly waitress at a local diner in a small town in the High Sierras. She, to earn a few extra bucks, moonlights as a swimsuit model. While posing in a sultry swimsuit in the California mountains, she'll be chased down by a neanderthal man, dragged into a cave, and raped by that creature. Eek! Our feature today is 1953's "The Neanderthal Man," directed by E.A. DuPont.

Mad scientist, Prof. Groves (Robert Shayne) has created a serum that makes housecats into sabretooth tigers. The insaniac is upset that the scientific community laughs at him...and now he ploughs further into madness. After some local hunters are ripped to pieces by the pre-historic creature, a hunk scientist from the big city arrives to see what is going on. Dr. Ross Harkness sees the evidence and concludes the monster does exist. The townsfolk are upset as their cattle are being shredded. Poor waitress, Nola (Garland), her fate is described above and will cause us all to wince and shed a tear. Now, with the violation of a local bathing beauty, it is apparent that a monster lurks. Here comes the nubile Ruth (Doris Merrick)! She's a babe and engaged to the mad scientist...and she's way out of his league. Instead of being grateful, he goes madder...and keeps injecting himself.

Now Prof. Groves is a neanderthal man and also murdering...and raping. Ross finally figures this all out.  Uh oh, seems Prof. Groves has also injected other people. Groves dumps the nubile Ruth, but she still wants him. Nola is a mess. Now Groves' daughter Jan (Joyce Terry) figures out her dad is a mad scientist and a creature. All this is heading to a wild and gory ending in which sabretooth tigers are on the rampage and Professor Groves is also on the rampage, especially for beautiful dames.

Is the neanderthal man merely behaving like a California college fraternity hunk venturing to a neighboring sorority house?  How does Jan feel about her dad being engaged to a woman her same age? Will Ross get a clue and plant a big wet one on the unattached and nubile Jan? This is a vicious one for a 1950's B-Movie.  For some great cheese in peril, and a neat gorilla-man type monster, see "The Neanderthal Man."