The Haunting of Sorority Row, Sorority Babes Shredded by Ghost

This movie has an obvious appeal.  An uber cheesecake factor. Woke Hollywood has tried to get us to buy off on their version of beauty.  In actuality, it is hideousness.  Tattoos, blue hair, nose rings, other piercings, shaved heads...these are all the traits of monstrous women...despite what Hollywood tells us. But in 2007, wokeness was not yet here.  Thus our feature today gives us sultry women with no tattoos, piercings, or other sickening features.  Throw in a ghost with an agenda and we have "The Haunting of Sorority Row," directed by Bert Kish.

Delta Phi Theta is having pledge week.  Of note is Sam (Leighton Meester), a sultry pledge.  Her roomie is Jane (Kailin See), another hottie. Neither babe has monstrous maiming, nor do any of the babes in this film. Sorority president, the sultry Leslie (Lisa Marie Caruk) appears mean, but Sam has reason to believe she is actually sweet. Other sisters include the sultry Agam Darshi as Rachel, Meghan Ory as Amanda, and Elyse Levesque as Whitney. A ghost enters the plot and murders the sultry Nikki (Jessica Huras), the sorority mother. Then one by one the ghost goes after the sorority babes.  Ghost?  Yep, this won't be kept a mystery. During last year's pledge week, pledge Jena (Lara Gilchrist) was locked in a coffin and died of fright.  Leslie, Nikki, Rachel, and Amanda buried the body in the woods.

Yep...you see where this is going.  Alas, the beautiful will die horribly one by one at the hands of a very vengeful ghost.  So sad...but we guess they deserve it.  Sam seems to have some psychic connection to Jena and in her dreams she sees what was done to her.  As the babes begin dying horribly, Sam understands that people do change and not all the bad girls are still bad.  Now, with the help of her paranormal investigator boyfriend (Adrian Petriw)...don't ask... Sam just may be equipped to help save the surviving sorority babes.

Unlike many sorority horror movies, we actually develop a liking for some of the girls and desire them to survive until the end credits.  Will Sam engage in a catfight with the ghost of Jena in order to save some of her nubile buddies?  Will the sultry cast, since they're sorority babes, engage in either mud fights, group shower scenes, or skinny-dipping?  This is a predictable but eerie one.  Like I said, the babes in the cast are its big draw.  See "The Haunting of Sorority Row" and actually see some sorority babes you don't want to die horribly. 

Game of Death, Blood-Stained Babes and Hunks

Yep...through 99% of this film the babes and hunks in it are blood-stained.  Yep, as soon as their buddy's head explodes, the bikini clad and swimsuit clad cheese and beef in this film go about with bits of brain, blood, and bone dripping off their bodies.  We don't get enough movies featuring bikini babes dripping in blood, carrying guns, looking for schmucks to murder.  Hence our feature today.  One of the coldest, most deranged plots you will come across, 2017's "Game of Death," directed by Sebastian Landry and Laurence Morais-Legace.

Six bored college aged hunks and babes lounge around in bikinis and swim trunks. They partake in self-gratification, oral sex, prurient thoughts, beer, alcohol, and board games. Board games? Yep, someone finds one called Game of Death.  They play. Before long, they realize the game has a life of its own and tells these kids that 24 must die in an allotted time or they will be killed.  Beth (Victoria Diamond) is the weird beauty in the group and her boy toy is the refined Tom (Sam Earle). Matthew (Thomas Vallieres) is the just-tattooed hunk who is as cynical as his buddies about the veracity of the game. Then Matthew's head explodes.  Most of his brains explode onto his nubile bikini babe GF, Ashley (Emelia Hellman)...she is upset. Soon Tom figures out that the group must go out and kill someone every few minutes of one of their heads will explode.

Now the gang kills the neighbor...22 to go.  Onto the road they take this act in Tyler's (Erniel Baez) pizza delivery car.  They'll mow down joggers, and bludgeon park rangers.  The crew gets slow and bikini babe Mary-Ann's (Catherine Saindon) head explodes. 21 to go.  Okay...so where do we go from here.  Now four psychopaths with guns and tire irons are loosed on the world...and a limited time to kill over 20 peeps.  Uh oh...guess where they head next.  You will shudder to find out.  What happens next will be heartbreaking, infuriating, and perhaps stir some controversial discussion.  Ashley, with bits of her boyfriend's blood dripping off of her may just get a dose of morality...maybe. 

Will the blood-stained Ashley be able to stop her friends from finishing their goal of murdering 24 innocent people?  Just where does this crew end up in order to complete this deranged goal?  Is this film a low-budged remake of the Anthony Hopkins/Debra Winger spectacular, "Shadowlands"?  Bloody, demented, and alarmingly alluring, see a really sick one..."Game of Death."   

Blood Widow, Masked Murderess Shreds Hunks and Babes

You ever watch a film when you are cheering for the slasher? Yep...we all have. Maybe the hunks and babes who are preyed on by the killer remind us of our neighbors, people we went to college with, idiots we work with, or people in the Biden Whitehouse.  Today we have a film like that, though the great looking starlet in the film does cause us pause.  Today we look at the grim slasher film, "Blood Widow," directed by Jeremiah Buckhalt.

Without the benefit of clergy, our sultry protagonist Laurie (Danielle Lilley) moves into an old house in the woods with her boy toy, the dweeb Hugh (Brandon Kyle Peters). Hugh does have a saving grace...he owns a crossbow...yes! Laurie is a bit of a grouch and is not happy when the first night in their new house, he invites all his idiot friends over for a wild party with booze, techno-music, and illegal drugs. Oh, the friends discover an old mansion like estate next door. The place is creepy and is an abandoned Girls school. Abandoned? Yep, closed down when one of the little girls went spazoid and murdered a lot of other girls. Happens...you know girls. The party rages and the lone resident of the boarding school, the killer from 25 years ago, is mad at the noise.  Yep, the now adult killer dons a mask, grabs a sickle, and goes hunting for humans.

Laurie keeps yelling at Hugh. Their friend, the New Age idiot Harmony (Kelly Quinn) takes her crystals and Budha over to the abandoned school and gets sliced and diced. Then the Blood Widow killer comes over with her sickle and decapitates a couple of Hugh and Laurie's guests. Then the babe Amber (Emily Cutting), who we held out hope would seduce Hugh, is murdered with the sickle.  Then more of the annoying techno-music partiers are sliced and bled out. Blood Widow sees something in Laurie, knocks her out, brings her back to the girls school, chains her up and...well, it is pretty gory...you'll see.  Now Laurie is in much danger, and bleeding out. Hugh grabs his crossbow, and his other dweeb buddy, Kenneth (Chris de Padua) and storms over to the school in search for his bleeding out girlfriend.

Does Hugh have what it takes to fire a crossbow?  Will the chained up and tortured Laurie be able to recover to escape and help Hugh and Kenneth?  Is the sultry Laurie too beautiful to die at the hands of the Blood Widow? The ending may shake you up as gore and torture are maximized in the final 30 minutes. If you like your slasher films to include a fiend that slashes, and you like your horror films horrific and gory, see "Blood Widow."  

Lantern's Lane, Slasher vs. Three Babes and a Hunk

Just what we needed...a good 80s style slasher film. They need to make more of these here in the 2020s. True, this is not a perfect film. Experienced horror fans will know where this is going early on. Still, the cast is great looking giving this movie a high cheese and beef rating. Also, our slasher is a good old-fashioned slasher with a big knife, a mask, and long festering grudge. Our feature today is 2021's "Lantern's Lane," directed by Justin LaReau.

She's back! Yeah, not much personality, but she is quite the dish...Layla (Brooke Butler). Her tight jeans and top and wavy blonde hair are the highlight of this film. Sadly for her, she will now be in great peril. Leaving her friends, Layla moved to the city and did not make it. The failure, though sultry, has returned. Her bestie Missy (Ashley Doris) stayed in town, and is also a failure.  Missy also is clad in tight jeans and top...and is a skank cocktail waitress.  Layla and Missy have a forced tender reunion in the bar and are joined by hunk Jason (Andy Cohen). Uh oh...Layla's old BF (Robbie Allen) stops by and wisely has no interest in the sultry blonde anymore. We need a fourth...Shana (Sydney Carvill), sort of a strange babe but she also looks good in tight jeans. 

The now adults decide to relive old times and go to an old abandoned house way on the outskirts of town where a number of urban legends were inspired. They get there...the car dies...no one knows they're there... and no cell service. Wow...imagine that. Enter the masked killer with the machete and knife.  He attacks.  The gals and Jason will not fare well.  Bloodied and frightened the wounded quartet must barricade themselves inside the boarded up house. Now the killer has them just where he wants them. Wait!  We figure out a few things...and so does Layla. Now Layla, who might have failed at whatever she tried to do in the big city, smartens up and tries to save her buddies.  Wait!  Are Missy, Jason, and Shana really her buddies?

Is Layla too beautiful to be chopped up?  Are Missy and Shana really happy that Layla has returned from the city?  Just who has donned this mask and taken up a machete for homicidal purposes? Again, the cheesecake is the highlight of this slasher film. We cheer for Layla because...she is a babe. For some good old fashioned 80s slasher fare, see "Lantern's Lane."

Hell's Caretaker, Massacre in Vermont

Vermont!  Ick!  This state should be heralded, but its looney residents do everything they can to disgust most Americans.  This state gives us the nut-ball charlatan Bernie Sanders.  The millionaire hypocrite annoys everyone who works for a living taking tons of money from Big Pharma and yelling at us for not paying our fair share. Then there is this movie.  In the 2013 Philip Cappello film, we have the most annoying killer ever put on film.  The old geyser psycho will even play the bongo drums for us as he shares stories of smoking weed and reading old porn...you'll see. In fairness to our old killer, his victims are just as annoying, probably metaphors for Bernie Sanders.  Our feature today is "Hell's Caretaker." 

There is one character we like a lot, Isabella (Aya Beldi). The exotic horror film actress who is driven into the woods by the psycho caretaker (Patrick T. McGowan) after she gives us a nice shower scene. The caretaker will knife her in the back, rape her corpse, and bury her in a dog's grave...don't ask. Okay, a bunch of Vermont hunks and babes are gathered for their 10-year high school reunion. They will meet at Sam's (Joey Mintz) wilderness house which is tended to by a weird caretaker.  He is too helpful and always quick to offer assistance and advice. The youngsters merely want to smoke marijuana as this appears to be their mission in life. The caretaker, like us, is taken with the exotic beauty of Isabella, thus she needs to die.  Then the old fellow plays bongo drums for the group and keeps killing.

The caretaker seems to want the women, which won't bode well for the babe Mindy (Alexandra Mingione) and Fernanda (Jodi Lin). Ideally he wants to capture them and keep them as pets, locked in a closet.  The babes in this one are too frisky.  Unfortunately for the babes, the guys are Vermont guys.  This means they have the manhood and vigor of Bernie Sanders.  Right...the gals are doomed. The caretaker goes through Bernie Sanders voters like crap through a goose and we are grateful.  Still, babes are babes, and with Isabella murdered and raped, we do pull for Mindy and Fernanda.

Is the murder and rape of Isabella a metaphor for what Bernie Sanders desires for the American people? Do Mindy and Fernanda have prayer to make it to the end credits with Vermont dweebs as their protectors? Is having the psycho killer bang away at bongo drums during marijuana parties Vermont's version of a horror film trope? To understand why Vermont is failing and being left behind by America's resurgence, see "Hell's Caretaker."   

Super Shark, Jimmy JJ Walker vs. the Big Fish

Remember Jimmy "JJ" Walker? Dyno-Mite! Yep...him. He's in this...but we'll ignore him in favor of some of the best bikini talent ever put on film. More important than the has-been 70s "Good Times" star is the sultry Sarah Lieving, star of "King of the Lost World," as a bikini clad marine biologist. Oh, then there is Kimberly Dawn Guerrero as the winner of the bikini contest in this film...sadly, she'll be eaten...by a shark. Oh!  Sultry "Baywatch" types as lifeguards...Rya Meyers and Carolyn Martinez...they'll be eaten...also by the shark. Bikinis and teeth!  Yes! Oh, there is "Dukes of Hazard" star Jon Schneider! I know...how did you miss this one?  Today we look at the gratuitous T&A gore-a-thon, 2011's "Super Shark," directed by Fred Olen Ray.

The humongous Great White shark is loosed on the ocean by an irresponsible oil rig. It'll eat the rig, two SCUBA divers, and sultry bikini babe (Catherine Annette). Enter Kat (Lieving), our bikini clad government agent/marine biologist. She knows the oil company is responsible for the shark and investigates oil executive Roger (Schneider). Kat also attaches herself to boat captain Chuck (Tim Abell) and the two set sail to find the shark. Oh, lifeguards Tyler and Cali (Meyers and Martinez) will have some gratuitous scenes, including in a bikini contest hosted by Jimmy JJ Walker...and then get eaten...by a shark. Kat changes her bikini and finds out more about this 75-foot shark, what attracts it, and how it came to be. Oh! Jazzy (Kimberly Dawn Guerrero) wins the bikini contest. Her and the runner up (Syd Wilder) will then get eaten...by the shark.

Okay, the bikini babes go down and the sails go up.  Actually, it ain't the sails that go up but let us get away from this prurient talk. The navy is on it...and it will get eaten.  The army and air force move in, as well...and get eaten. Kat has an idea. A bad one. Roger drools over her cleavage thus is all in.  Kat and Roger now are the only ones standing in the way of the super-sized shark and all the sultry lifeguards, and bikini models on the West Coast. 

Just how does the bikini clad Kat plan to murder the monster shark?  Will there be any bikini babes in this film that will survive until the end credits?  Will this film be too busy with the shark to give us some nice catfights or mud-wrestling bouts?  This film is a hard hitting examination into the human condition.  Passion will collide with self-expression and cleavage buffs will clash with Hawaiian Tropic.  For a gratuitous expression of the female body and big fish...see "Super Shark."  

Mandrake, Icky Jungle Creature

The sultry actress, Jon Mack, is no stranger to icky creatures.  Just read this blog. Giant worms! Giant spiders! Fire breathing tarantulas! Monster trees with probing tentacle-roots! When I began this blog in 2013, the work of this fine actress/musician was instrumental in providing material for it.  "Mongolian Death Worm" is still one of my favorite reviews...and films.  "Lavalantula" is one of the most fun films on this blog. "Camel Spiders" is still one of the ickiest. Today we look at what may be the magnum opus for Ms. Mack...queen of the icky creatures...2010's "Mandrake," directed by Tripp Reed.  This jungle horror film shelves insects in favor of a vicious plant with probing roots. 

Spanish billionaire Vargas (Benito Martinez) hires a team headed by hunk McCall (Max Martini) and has them dropped in a South American jungle to find and retrieve an ancient sacred dagger. The dagger is guarded by a fierce tribe called the Umbali. Also on the team is babe anthropologist Felicia (Betsy Russell). Like marine biologists in these movies, anthropologists all are sultry.  On the ground, Vargas' basecamp is run by the babe Carla (Jon Mack). She's quite the dish too, but she actually looks like she knows what's going on. Poor Carla, she'll eventually get hauled off by the Umbali and subject to a monstrous and humiliating fate. Uh oh...something is in the jungle that does not want to give up the dagger.  We see a monster tree with tree roots used as deadly tentacles ready to rip apart any invader.

McCall's team is ripped apart one by one. Then the Umbali raid the basecamp and murder everyone except Carla...she's too sultry just to murder on the spot. Now Vargas and his team land and are also under siege from the tree thing. We remember the tree in "The Evil Dead" and wonder if Carla and Felicia will succumb to those roots the same way Ash's GF did. Now everyone is sweating and grunting as they try to find the dagger and avoid the creature and the Umbali.  Poor Carla...she sees what the Umbali want to do with her and makes a stab at escaping.  McCall grunts a lot...and Felicia sweats nicely.  As the invaders dwindle in number, we see why the Umbali do not want the dagger stolen.  The gals are sultry and lively and the men are hunks in this jungle horror epic.

Will Carla's fate be one of bloody humiliation at the hands of the Umbali and tree tentacles?  Will McCall succeed in finding the dagger?  Will Felicia, our babe anthropologist, find true love on this mission that is not wooden or has tentacles?  This is a fantastic creature film with sweaty babes and hunks that grunt.  For a great time on a Friday night horror movie watch party, see "Mandrake."

Blood Lust, Sultry Blonde Vampire

You need blood drawn? Go to a phlebotomist. Kind of like a vampire...they draw your blood.  Okay, so let us say the phlebotomist is a vampire...with fangs!  Now let's say she is a sultry blonde. I admit, the appeal of this idea does not match the idea for "Underworld" or "BloodRayne."  Still, we do have a pretty blonde with fangs, a vicious serial killer who also likes to drink blood, and a pathetic down on his luck detective.  Our feature today is 2023's "Blood Lust" (aka "Blood Thirst"), directed by Christopher McCleod.

Back in 1969, a sultry blonde hitchhiker, Vanessa (Lindsey Mitchell) is picked up by a sultry vampire, Layla (Dorothy Hadley Joly). Layla attacks and turns Vanessa into a vampire. Layla kills because she likes it.  Vanessa does not like killing humans and flees.  Present day, Vanessa is a phlebotomist and pays homeless peeps for their blood.  A win-win for all involved. Uh oh...Bento (Sky Crystal) is a serial killer who runs a comic book shop. He lures his victims into the back, knocks them out, and drinks their blood.  He's not a vampire but wants to be one.  His victims body parts start showing up in ditches and in the woods and now Detective Walker (Tim Michael Schmidt) is on the case.  Will coincidences never cease? Walker and Vanessa are neighbors.

Vanessa drinks blood she pays for, largely.  Of course when someone tries to rape her or mug her, she drinks their blood, too.  By accident, Bento finds out about Vanessa and wants her.  Vanessa meets Walker and kind of likes him...though if you ask me, she is out of his league. Bento sets his sights on Vanessa.  He even crafts a wooden stake and buys a hatchet.  Walker finds clues that will get him closer to Bento. Where is this all headed?  You'll see.

Just how does Bento plan on forcing Vanessa to turn him into a bloodsucker?  Will Vanessa help Walker solve the case or does she intend to dispose of Bento in dumpsters?  Does Bento have what it takes to defeat a babe vampire?  Stylish and grim, "Blood Lust" is a nice vampire film...with a babe vampire.

Brain Twisters, Video Games and Rage

Do video games alter the behavior of our youngsters?  The popular answer, an incorrect one, though, is yes they do. They fill the children with sexual deviance and rage.  Kids will have sex and brutalize one another the more they play these games.  Their minds are taken over and hyper-suggestion moves in and brings them to a more primitive, maybe carnal, mode of operation. However false this is, in 1991 this was a widely held belief.  Hence we look at 1991's "Brain Twisters," directed by Jerry Sangiuliano.

Dangerous experiments by a mad scientist! Yep, Dr. Phillip Rothman (Terry Londeree) is a brain doctor at a university.  This is convenient because he can hire babe coeds and hunk frat boys as his test subjects. Uh oh...murders and suicides start spiraling out of control on campus. As our film begins, a sultry jogger (Laurie Ann Hickey) is mowed down by another college kid. Rothman is a professor at the university and is also hired by a video game company to make video games addictive to youngsters so they will keep buying and playing them.  He tests images and colors on the college kids and turns them into homicidal beings.  The homicide aspect of all this is an unintended consequence...or is it? Laurie (Farrah Forke) is sad because she has known many of the babes who have been slaughtered by their boyfriends of late.  The boys...well, they commit suicide shortly after the murders.

Enter the hunk detective, Frank (Joe Lombardo). He suspects the mad scientist and has found out that Laurie is his new work-study student. Unintentionally, maybe, Rothman turns coeds and hunks into monsters.  In one case, Michelle (Donna Bostany) actually turns into a monster. Rothman is well connected to a super secret video game company that might be funded by the Department of Defense. As Frank falls in love with the nubile Laurie, so does Rothman.  Now Rothman, going more and more insane, is obsessed with Laurie and does not like it that she is falling in love with the cop. Yep, Laurie is in danger.  Uh oh...the weird corporation is ready to release new games upon the youth of America.

Just how ethical is it for a police detective to fall in love with a witness to one of his investigations, who is half his age?  As nubile babes are turned into homicidal monsters, is this a metaphor to what happens to coeds on college campuses today?  Is there a tag team match brewing between Rothman and Michelle in one corner and Frank and Laurie in the other?  This is a terrific techno-thriller from the early 90s with a nice cheese and beef factor.  See "Brain Twisters," and see the hunks and babes fall.    

10 Year Reunion, Caddiness and Catfights

Wow!  The catfight at the end of this film will forever be scorched on your brain. But let's discuss the star of our film, Kacey Clarke (many of you may know her as Kacey Barnfield). She is one of the sultriest actresses of the past 50 years, and an actress you may not know of. I'll remind you.  She was the bikini clad teen in "Lake Placid 3" who was chased through a supermarket by a giant croc.  She was that babe in the British TV show "Downton Abbey." She was eaten and spit out by mutants in "Resident Evil: Afterlife." Who can forget her as the swimsuit clad trophy wife of Iggy Pop in "Blood Orange"? Then there's today's catfight heavy film, 2016's "10 Year Reunion," directed by Jake Helgren.

Five giggly and sultry teens about to graduate from high  school and leave the town of Harmony.  They even give each other cuddle-hugs....gag! They love one another and will be friends forever...or do they? Abby (Abigail Klein) devises a time capsule and each will write a secret confession to be opened in 10 years. Hours after the box is buried, Abby dies mysteriously. 10 years later the four sultry friends return to Harmony. Carly (Clarke) is the only one of them that did not know a coroner's report suggests Abby was murdered. Patty (Kayla Ewell) is now a babe lawyer. Erica (Anya Engel) is a congressman's wife. They are hosted by Rose (Jillian Nelson).  The reunion starts out sweet...then five minutes go by. Carly, finding out that Abby was poisoned 10 years ago is determined to find her killer.  Her three mates...they would prefer Carly not uncover the truth.

Secrets are revealed, but not the big one.  The revealed secrets suggest that all the friends had reason to murder Abby...even Carly. Enter a masked figure who is determined not to let the time capsule be found.  He, or she is so determined to keep the confessions in the time capsule secret that the gals begin meeting with gory demises.  One by one secrets are revealed.  Bloody secrets.  Carly puts herself in mortal danger by refusing to give up her quest for the truth.  Then...eventually...the catfight!  You won't believe such a masterful piece of cinema could have been choreographed, but anything with Miss Clarke in it will be such a beautiful thing.

The actresses in this film are sultry and play to the camera so well.  Like a good Giallo film, being beautiful may be their death knells. Is there a confession buried in the capsule that will reveal the killer? Will Carly be disfigured by hedge clippers or bloody shovels? You'll see.  Will Abby have anything to say about this from the grave?  For a movie that will throw sultry babes in mortal danger at you in mass, see "10 Year Reunion."

Secret Life of a Dominatrix, and the Accompanying Serial Killer

Secrets never stay secret. In a society that claims no interest in what someone does in his/her own bedroom, it is very transfixed on what he/she do in their own bedroom. Add whips, chains, bondage, gags, humiliation, and cross words and we absolutely care what someone does in their own bedroom.  Serial killers care...bless them. Hence our film today, 2024's Made for Tubi original, "Secret Life of a Dominatrix," directed by Gabby Revilla Lugo.

Book clubs. A bunch of bored women getting together to talk Jane Austen. After 10 minutes, they ain't talking Jane Austen...nope!  Bondage, and whipping has replaced the classics in this book club. May (Mariel Molina) is a sultry housewife who has secrets.  She has a hunk husband, Kurt (Andrew Biernat) who insists on occasional sex utilizing the missionary position exclusively. May, after all the BDSM talk wants more.  Her bestie, Gia (Kiley Casciano) and other mates convince her to go to an exclusive sex club where anything goes and you can be anyone you want. These places exist all over the place in the movies, where I live we have smoke shops and urgent care facilities. There, May meets dominatrix Anna (Ashley Dougherty). They take likings to one another and Anna teaches May to be a dominatrix...and she is not only loving it, but good at it.

Okay...here's where it gets dicey. A serial killer is stalking these sex clubs.  Soon, one of May's buddies is strangled in the parking lot of the club.  Even worse it is her new BDSM buddy Dee (Imani Vaughn-Jones). Even worse...May sees, from the other side of the club, her husband come into the club. As a dominatrix, May understands he has needs.  She goes home with a leather outfit, whips, handcuffs, chains, bondage ropes, and attitude.  Sadly, Kurt is not interested in her, still. More gals are murdered and May is now down a path that she can't come back from. Twists will occur which you will see a mile away, but because BDSM, whips, chains, handcuffs, and bondage ropes are included in this movie, we can forgive its predictability.

Will May use a stun-gun and force Kurt into being tied up and whipped?  Just who is this serial killer, and is it a male?  Will we possibly see a wild catfight between two kinky dominatrix'?  If you have not seen BDSM since that Charisma Carpenter film ("Bound"), see "Secret Life of a Dominatrix." 

Dark Nature, Needy Women and Their Demons

Okay, I get it. Women overcoming abusive men...yawn! Right, I get it...women trying to make it in a man's world and facing nothing but misogyny.  Yawn! Abused...yawn!  Okay, I admit I was cheering for the creature in this one.  You divorced men out there are going to look at this film a whole lot differently than the movie maker, Berkley Brady, intended.  Our film today is 2022's "Dark Nature."

Yep, Joy (Hannah Emily Anderson) is in a abusive relationship with a brute who hits her and kills her dog. The dog may have had it coming, that yappy beast. Six months after leaving the brute, Joy joins up with her best buddy Carmen (Madison Walsh). Yep!  They are going hiking through the wilderness. Go wilderness! Along is the whole traumatized-femme support group.  We won't like any of them. Carmen may have a thing for Joy. Tara (Helen Belay) went through something so awful, with a guy I bet, that no one can speak of it. Shaina (Roseanne Supernault) has PTSD from her tour in Afghanistan...go Taliban!  The encounter group therapist is the unimpressive Dr. Dunnley (Kyra Harper). They bicker. Dr Dunnley offers worthless counseling.  They hike.

A creature (Luke Moore) awaits.  The thing will attack and maim.  Joy sees her old boyfriend in the creature.  Dr. Dunnley will be shredded and eaten...yay!  Shaina will prove how worthless General Miley's troops were in Afghanistan.  Now Joy must act the hero but bravery is something not in her chemical make-up.  Carmen is the strong one but she gets taken by the cave dweller.  With Carmen and Tara still screaming for help, Joy does get brave and goes after them.

Will Joy grow some cajones and embark on a successful rescue mission? If Dr. Dunnley were not in 15 pieces, would Joy have still undertaken her rescue mission?  would a good man in the script made it a fair fight against the cave dwelling terror? Annoying but still a worthwhile watch.  If this film tells us anything it is that the Dr. Dunnleys' of the world need to be fed to cryptids.  See "Dark Nature," 'cause even cave cryptids deserve love. 

Mortal Game, Predator Rip-Off

A rip-off? Yep, but let's be honest...that is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, isn't "Jaws" a mere rip-off of "Moby Dick"? Instead of a grunting Arnold Schwarzenegger, we have a screaming Danielle Alexis. Okay, you had to ask...who is Daniella Alexis? She's kind of cute and boy can she scream.  Not in horror but in bacchanal anger and determination. You'll ask why can't your mate scream like that?  Throw a seemingly unbeatable creature into your role playing, and she might.  Our feature today is the "Predator" rip-off, 2024's "Mortal Game," directed by John Lechago.

As our film begins we meet out hunters and don't like any of them. When Jessie (Alexis) begins screaming, this will change. These hunters have paid top dollar to be brought to this island to hunt the most dangerous predator ever...though no one knows what it is. Jessie is cute but obviously deadly with her weapon of choice...the crossbow. Bailey (Madison Caan) is the other gal, and as you may have heard in "Highlander," there can be only one. Murphy (Kevin Lloyd Reid) is the very serious guide.  He knows things.  He knows this creature is not human or animal, but maybe an E.T. He's tough and serious and won't be around long. There are others. Uh oh...thinking they're alone the hunting party meets a crazy remnant from the previous party. He is quite mad and his mates are long gone...and he will be too.

The creature they believe they are hunting is actually hunting them and doing a great job. He's big, has razor sharp claws, fast as a gazelle, and toothy.  He toys with the hunters and looks like he is having fun with them. The hunters are not that good and keep stepping in bear traps.  Jessie begins screaming and that does brighten our spirits.  Unfortunately for her, the creature is not intimidated by her scream.  Still, she will yell at the creature but will it be enough?

Is Jessie coming across as a woman who is always screaming at people and creatures enough to make us cheer for the creature?  Will Jessie scream at the other babe in the film causing a catfight?  Will the creature ever scream back at this mad babe?  This is a gory one with a high death count. The creature is nasty and will even wipe off a face or two from the invading hunters. See "Mortal Game" and treat yourself to a screaming babe who isn't screaming at you at the moment.

Meth Gator, Addicted in the Swamp

Remember Meth was the scourge of America's youth.  Before that crack.  Before that cocaine. Before that PCP.  LSD and marijuana were before that.  I guess now we have Fentanyl murdering us by the hundreds of thousands. It is easy to forget alligators.  They probably eat millions of Floridians per year.  Combine the lizard creature with a Meth addiction and we have a neat one from The Asylum...2023's "Meth Gator," directed by Christopher Olen Ray.

Yep...we'll be cheering for the gator. Sheriff Williams (Bruce Peoples) and his deputy get the drop on a couple of Meth dealers. A chase into the swamp ensues and massive amounts of Meth are thrown into the swamp. The gator swallows it and eats one of the dealers and a deputy. Now the gator behaves like an addict...even loses a tooth or two. Dante (LaRonn Marzett) arrives from the DEA in order to help the sheriff find a massive Meth lab in the swamp and to kill the gator.  He meets up with an old flame, Anna (Vanesa Tamayo) who used to be a cop...and now is a bartender...don't ask. The gator gets jumpy and seeks more Meth. He'll eat more Meth dealers, a bikini babe, a cell tower, more deputies, the mayor, etc.  The kill count will be high. 

Bithlo (Ray Acevedo) is a gator hunter but not a very good one.  His drone will get eaten by the creature and he'll be chased by it continually throughout the film.  In one of the most awkward scenes in film history, Dante will come upon some rednecks drinking beer at a campfire and enter a slapping-in-the-face contest with one of them. Don't ask.  Mercifully, the scene ends and our merry group of characters continue their trek to find the gator and the mega-lab.

Is there any chance that the gator will prevail?  Will Anna and Dante get back together, and will they actually make us care?  Is this film an accurate representation of what America's war on Fentanyl is destined to become? Maybe "Fentanyl Croc"?  For some neat alligator horror, with a high kill count, and an explosive ending... see "Meth Gator." 

Life Blood, Two Hot Lesbian Vampires

Two hot lesbian vampires who make-out a lot. A sheriff's department with a mean sheriff, a midget deputy, and a sultry Asian babe deputy. A high kill count with a lot of blood.  A god, or an angel, or demon portrayed by a hot babe. Catfights. I know...I asked the same thing.  How did we miss this 2009 film?  Today we look at "Life Blood," directed by Ron Carlson.

As our film begins the sultry Brooke (Sophie Monk) is making out with the equally as hot Rhea (Anya Lahiri). The two lesbian lovers are at a New Year's Eve party in 1969 at a Hollywood actor's (Justin Shilton) place. The actor tries to make moves on Brooke and Rhea but is rebuffed.  He finds Carrie (Scout Taylor-Compton) and tries to rape her.  Brooke intervenes and stabs the actor 87 times. Now on the run, Brooke and Rhea pull over. Rhea is a good soul and wants to go back. Wait!  God (Angela Lindvall) comes down, kills Brooke, and makes Rhea a vampire. Rhea's job is to rid the world of evil people. Rhea begs this god-babe into bringing Brooke back to life.  Mistake.

40 years later, Brooke and Rhea emerge from a cocoon as vampires.  Brooke is evil and kills everyone she meets.  Rhea tries to stop her.  A sheriff's department finds the bodies. Now the sheriff (Charles Napier), his midget deputy (Danny Woodburn), and his hot Asian deputy (Jennifer Tung) are after the duo. The duo get holed up in a hostage situation and more neck-biting and murder takes place. Now a catfight as Rhea realizes Brooke can't be reformed. The cops close in.  A moment of truth between the good vampire Rhea and the evil vampire Brooke is at hand.  More kissing...and biting ensue.

Will Rhea be forced to murder her lover, Brooke?  Will Brooke murder Rhea?  Will any of these two babe vamps feed on the hot Asian chick deputy?  Erotic and vicious.  For a steamy and bloody vampire film, see "Life Blood."  

Centipede Horror, A Yuck-Fest From Hong Kong

Leave it to Asian horror to come up with the most disgusting ways to die. At or near the top of the list is having centipedes explode out of your body and then, once outside, eat you. Think of it...you cough...a few centipedes explode out of your mouth...you vomit...same result. All those sores on your flesh which the doctors can't figure out...also exit portals for our 100 legged friends. Today, from Hong Kong...1982's "Centipede Horror" (aka "Wu Gong Zhou").

The very pretty Kay and Amy vacation in southeast Asia. Neither of these nubile women will stay pretty, as they are attacked by thousands of centipedes. Amy will die immediately, but Kay will hang on until her brother makes it to the hospital. As Pak (Mui Kui Wai) visits his ailing sister, she dies as hordes of centipedes crawl out of her wounds. Doctors are baffled...nothing new there...but Pak is told his sister fell victim to an evil curse. Pak is joined by the beautiful Chee (Margaret A. Li) and the two find out that Pak's grandfather did something unspeakable 50 years ago, hence a curse was put on his family.

Now Chee and Pak must figure out a way to fight and end the curse. Meanwhile, our duo find a priest who just may be able to help him. As they meet him, he is in the midst of an exorcism which will have two ghost children assist the priest in saving a nubile unfortunate. The priest will be successful as the babe vomits loads of scorpions...what a story she'll have to tell.  Beware, the evil priest responsible for the curse is cunning and will try to wipe out Pak through Chee. As the beautiful Chee is possessed by the evil priest and millions of centipedes converge on Pak, it all looks hopeless.  The pretty Chee is now controlled by centipedes living inside her head (literally), and Pak won't be able to resist her seductive signals.

Will our dueling priests settle this before Pak has to act with a giant can of Raid? Will Chee and Pak's first go at pre-marital sex end in a shower of centipedes? Is a shower of centipedes a fetish for Asian businessmen?  This is an icky one and you'll be feeling bugs crawling all over you long after the end credits roll. I hope the actresses were paid well for their efforts in this film because there are a lot of crawling centipedes spit out of their mouths. For a true Asian ick-fest, see "Centipede Horror," directed by Keith Li. 

Swap, Erotic Vampire Tale

In the style of Jean Rollin, and the Euro-Trash subgenre, we have a uber-erotic vampire film today.  Sure, the story is not anything surprising.  The twists are predictable.  The scares are mediocre.  However, first and foremost...this is an exercise in eroticism...the toothy kind.  This movie is all erotic, all the time.  With a great looking cast, of four, nude, sweaty, and in the throes of passion for almost the entire film, those of you who like your vampires sultry, hunky, and erotic, we have 2024's "Swap," directed by Dallas King.

Hunk cop Rad (James Eastwood) and hot GF Kayla (Jessica Leila Greene) begin the film in the throes of sweaty and deviant passion. They are so in love. Uh oh...Kayla is getting bored and wants to either introduce a third into their sex activities, or another couple. Rad is hesitant. No matter, the two lovers head off for a weekend with Kayla's buddy, the hot blonde Glory (Erin Anne Gray) and her fiancé, the hunk Angelo (King). When they arrive, they walk in on Glory and Angelo having hot sweaty sex. The quartet will have a great time at the mountaintop luxury home as Angelo and Glory broach the subject of more deviant and exploratory sex. Kayla is all for it, Rad is not. As a compromise, topless hot tub activities with the two babes in make-out sessions will follow.

Rad is feeling left out as he is the only skeptic to threesomes or foursomes. Uh oh, Angelo and Glory are sexual vampires...feeding on orgasms and deviance.  Glory will get Kayla alone in a steamy and erotic bath.  The two babes will be all over one another.  Angelo gets Rod alone and tries to sell him on the idea of swinging or foursomes...and to give a hint to what they are.  As Kayla and Glory bring one another to...glory...Glory bares her fangs and...well, you'll see.

Do Glory and Angelo desire to turn the hot guests into vampires, or to eat them?  Will Rad be able to hold out and maintain his humanity and to also keep Kayla from going to the undead side?  Will the hot, sweaty, and lathery gals engage in catfights over the two hunks?  There will be spankings, whippings, lipstick lesbian deviance, and blood.  For an incredibly seductive vampire film, with a hot cast, see "Swap."