The Cleansing Hour, An Exorcist Reality Show

A buddy of mine, who is in the industry, told me that there is nothing on reality shows that is...real! Everything is altered, scripted, or just made up out of the blue. Whether it is Mormon wives, or truckers driving on ice, or even gruff brutes on crab boats...don't believe it. So no surprise when a reality show featuring exorcisms every week is found to be a fraud...until its not.  Our feature today is 2019's "The Cleansing Hour," directed by Damien LeVeck.

Father Max  (Ryan Guzman) is a hunk priest...okay, he isn't really a priest but don't tell his subscribers. He is a self proclaimed exorcist who has an on-line show in which he exorcizes a different poor schmuck every week. The poor schmuck, of course, is an actor.  His buddy Drew (Kyle Gallner) is his director, and Drew's pretty GF Lane hangs around them. We see the exorcisms and they are well done.  Special f/x, weird lighting, and cheap carnival tricks makes them look real. The bad news, the show has plateaued as far as subscribers and views. Max, Drew, and the producer Tommy (Daniel Hoffmann) rack their brains on how to get to the next level. Riley (Emma Holzer) and the boom guy Chris (Chris Lew Kum Hoi) round out the cast. I know, we have all heard, you should not fool around with the subject of possession or exorcism...but Max and crew are making livings doing just that.

Uh oh...all goes to Hell (kind of literally). With the actor who was supposed to play the possessed murdered by demons, Lane is pressed into the role at the last minute. Lane is a fine actress but soon, she will not be acting.  A demon really possesses her and all Hell breaks out on set (literally). Her voice changes, objects go flying across the room, demons appear, and the 50,000 viewers will rise into the several millions of viewers level. Gore and body-horror ensue and poor Riley, she will be impaled in the back of the head with a prop on the set. Now Max is drawn into an exorcism with a real demon and he has no clue.  The demon has the upper hand and Max' only prayer is if can remember the stuff he faked over the previous episodes.

This ends up being an ambitious horror film that all of you who read Revelation at the same time as news headlines will love.  It'll get gory and weird.  Lane, the pretty girlfriend, will spend most of the film hideous and disgusting.  For some nice possession horror and some nice lampooning of reality shows, see "The Cleansing Hour."    

The Neanderthal Man, Pre-Historic Horrors for California Babes

Beverly Garland!  Her and Veronica Lake are my two favorite actresses from yesteryear. Today we look at a film that will be difficult to watch for all of us Beverly Garland fans. A horror film. Brutal. Misogynistic. Unmerciful. See, Ms. Garland plays Nola, a sultry but friendly waitress at a local diner in a small town in the High Sierras. She, to earn a few extra bucks, moonlights as a swimsuit model. While posing in a sultry swimsuit in the California mountains, she'll be chased down by a neanderthal man, dragged into a cave, and raped by that creature. Eek! Our feature today is 1953's "The Neanderthal Man," directed by E.A. DuPont.

Mad scientist, Prof. Groves (Robert Shayne) has created a serum that makes housecats into sabretooth tigers. The insaniac is upset that the scientific community laughs at him...and now he ploughs further into madness. After some local hunters are ripped to pieces by the pre-historic creature, a hunk scientist from the big city arrives to see what is going on. Dr. Ross Harkness sees the evidence and concludes the monster does exist. The townsfolk are upset as their cattle are being shredded. Poor waitress, Nola (Garland), her fate is described above and will cause us all to wince and shed a tear. Now, with the violation of a local bathing beauty, it is apparent that a monster lurks. Here comes the nubile Ruth (Doris Merrick)! She's a babe and engaged to the mad scientist...and she's way out of his league. Instead of being grateful, he goes madder...and keeps injecting himself.

Now Prof. Groves is a neanderthal man and also murdering...and raping. Ross finally figures this all out.  Uh oh, seems Prof. Groves has also injected other people. Groves dumps the nubile Ruth, but she still wants him. Nola is a mess. Now Groves' daughter Jan (Joyce Terry) figures out her dad is a mad scientist and a creature. All this is heading to a wild and gory ending in which sabretooth tigers are on the rampage and Professor Groves is also on the rampage, especially for beautiful dames.

Is the neanderthal man merely behaving like a California college fraternity hunk venturing to a neighboring sorority house?  How does Jan feel about her dad being engaged to a woman her same age? Will Ross get a clue and plant a big wet one on the unattached and nubile Jan? This is a vicious one for a 1950's B-Movie.  For some great cheese in peril, and a neat gorilla-man type monster, see "The Neanderthal Man."

Neverknock, Teens Shredded by Fear

Oh, those playful horror films when teens are shredded except for the virgin. We love that trope, but what if the monster is not familiar with that trope.  Today we have a brutal one with a lot of high school babes who will not stay babes.  A dark film that will stay dark, so be warned. With a great looking cast, a slimy monster, and tons of gore, impalements, and burning, a Syfy original is our feature today.  Let us look at 2017's "Neverknock," directed by Sheldon Wilson. 

Eliana Jones is a sultry actress and she is in this clad in a cheerleaders costume.  Uh oh, she is sixth in the credits meaning she will die a most gory death. Sadly she will be first to go...impaled by a myriad of needles...the monster did not like cheerleaders. So sad. Okay, legend has it if one knocks on the door of this old abandoned house on Halloween, the monster inside will pull you in and murder you.  The creature will kill you by what you fear the most.  For the lovely Grace (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) fire is her poison.  Her mom burned to death in a car wreck one year ago.  She is looking after her little fearless sister Jenna (Lola Flanery) when her new buddy, and potential lesbian lover, the lovely Leah (Jodelle Ferland) comes to get her to go trick-or-treating.  Along for the night is the sultry Amy (Kiana Madeira), the hunk Gavin (Varun Saranga), and the aforementioned cheerleader Sydney.

Jenna knocks on the door and the horror begins.  Yep, the sultry Sydney is impaled by needles.  She is the first.  Her mates have fears, too.  Bugs, fire, blood, etc.  Jenna, the little sister is not afraid of anything.  See where this is going?  You are part right.  When Jenna is taken by the house early on, Grace swears she will find her.  Leah, who wants to get into Grace's pants helps.  The others?  Monster bait!  They'll be hunted by their own fears.  So, the brave will prevail?  Nope.  The monster is loose on the town and lures the surviving babes back to it.  Then, what happens will be even more horrifying.

Will Leah and Grace survive and have a make-out session?  Will the fearless Jenna reemerge and slay the monster who kills with fear?  Was it a mistake to kill Sydney the cheerleader off so early, as she was the sultriest of the sultry in this one?  For those of you who like their horror films horrific and dark, see "Neverknock."     

Fear the Night, Maggie Q as Deadly as Ever

Many years removed from her Nikita role, Maggie Q still looks fabulous.  She can also kill just as competently as she did over a decade ago.  Now, there isn't anyone in this movie we like, which is good, because most will die horribly, but Maggie Q is Maggie Q, and that earns her our favor. As b#@$hy as she is in this one...she looks really good even without smiling and being generally grouchy.  In fact, in this one, her friends don't even like her...but, of course, they don't look like Maggie Q.  Our blood fest today is 2023's "Fear the Night," directed by Neil LaBute.

She's back from Iraq all messed up. Tess (Maggie Q) has PTSD, addictions, grouchiness, PMS, and generally a rotten demeanor. Even worse, she's headed to a bachelorette party for her giggly sister Rose (HighDee Kuan), put on by another grouchy and giggly sister Beth (Kat Foster). They will meet a half dozen giggly annoying girlfriends at their family homestead in the desert. Party games?  Cackling? A male stripper (KeiLyn Durrel)? Yep, all of the above.  Fortunately the beautiful but annoying Rose will get impaled by a crossbow arrow early on, and so will the stripper.  By who? A group of evil good ole boys led by Perry (Travis Hammer).  Why? Who cares.  Now the PTSD and depression and addiction ridden Tess is back in her element.  Back at war.  She turns back into a killer.

The war will be a bloody one as Tess tries to protect her sister Beth and their buddies from the evil invading force.  The death count will be high, and even though some of the victims are sultry dames, we're not sad to see them go.  Tess, on the other hand?  We are cheering for her, mostly because she is Maggie Q.  I even pulled for Maggie Q's Mia in that "Die Hard" film...the gal that got the SUV up the a**...remember?  The men with crossbows and knives are relentless, and so is Tess. Babes will fall in bloody fashion.  Brutes will fall in bloody fashion. All in all, this works as a bloody kill-fest...not as a character study, or morality tale.

Just how many will Tess kill?  Just how many cackling bachelorette party goers will be skewered?  Will Tess really snap and off some of the cacklng party-goers, too?  Maggie Q fans need to see this film, just turn it off before the annoying epilogue begins.  For a bloody good time, see "Fear the Night."  

The Murder Clinic, Euro-Babes Slashed

Giallo!  Euro-Trash!  Yep, gotta love those Italian slasher-fests with sultry babes, in states of undress, fresh from fits of passion, and in mortal peril.  What could be better?  How about if the slasher is a hideous freak of an old hag who resents beauty and relishes in mutilating Euro-babes just fresh from carnal passion!  Kind of a metaphor for woke America and its view of beauty.  Fortunately, here, wokeness is dying.  Our feature today is 1966's "The Murder Clinic," directed by Elio Scardamaglia and Lionello De Felice.

Sultry nurses, in states of undress, and fresh from carnal passion, are slashed by a hooded figure wielding a razor.  I should point out the setting...an asylum for the criminally insane.  The asylum is run by the handsome Dr. Robert Vance (William Berger). He lives there with his sultry wife, Lizabeth (Mary Young). A new nurse, to replace a slashed up one, arrives, the sultry blonde Mary (Barbara Wilson). She's gentle and caring. Uh oh...someone is living in a locked room in the attic. She paces at night driving the schizophrenic patients into a frenzy. Lizabeth is suspicious as Mary is quite beautiful and it looks like Robert and her are on the outs as far as their marriage goes. Uh oh...homicidal liar Gisele (Francoise Prevost) murders her carriage driver and is found wandering in the woods by Robert. He brings her back to the asylum as a guest. Lizabeth is not happy about having another floozy distracting Robert.

Okay, Gisele, smelling an opportunity for blackmail, sneaks into that forbidden room in the attic and finds a hideously marred woman (Delfi Mauro).  Laura is this woman and she is Lizabeth's sister...who fell into a lime pit long ago. Now Laura resents beauty. Gisele faints and is revived by Robert and she lets him know that his secret is safe with her for the sum of 50,000 pounds. Uh oh...Robert seems to be taking a liking to Nurse Mary.  Uh oh, the hooded figure in the cloak is on the prowl with his or her razor.  Uh oh, the beautiful keep being ripped apart.  Uh oh...Giselle wants Robert and knows Mary may emerge as a rival.  Uh oh, a few criminally insane insaniacs escape from their cells.

Will Mary remain in one piece by the time the end credits roll?  Just what is Laura's backstory and is she as homicidal as she is hideous?  Will any nubile nurse survive the razor?  This is a good one with a shocking ending.  For some fine European cheesecake, and nubile babes in great peril, see "The Murder Clinic." 

The Correction Unit, A Clockwork Orange in an AI World

AI.  Good or bad?  The answer is...Yes! It may help cure all sorts of pediatric cancer.  It may allow you affordable college education from any university in the world (all from your own living room). It may easily identify your Golden Retriever's ailment. It, also, may make the distribution and creation of child porn a lot easier.  It will help your government (aka Big Brother) to control your bank accounts and spending habits. It may also replace your need for a woman, or a man, and provide you something that won't talk back or report you for sexual harassment.  All will be done under the guise of making our world a better place.  Our feature today is 2025's "The Correction Unit," directed by Derry Shillitto.  This film is from the U.K.

Miserable teenagers...juvenile delinquents.  All of the ones in this film are hopeless cases, and chronic offenders.  Gangsters. Drug pushers and addicts. Thieves. Now a bunch of them have been transferred from a youth prison to a special facility called nTrac.  nTrac? Yep, AI will be used to rehab all of these kids in three months.  Three months? Yep, that is what the government contract calls for. We meet Shawn (Sonny Middleton), who is from a bad neighborhood and had to fight to protect his disabled mom and worthless brother. Now he's at nTrac.  His mate, the tough Tish (Elleese Bradshaw) is there with him and is associated with numerous pushers. Through Virtual Reality (VR) and AI, they all have been assessed, evaluated, and a treatment plan has been personalized. Yvonne (Kirsty Smedley) seems to head the operation and her motives are pure and personal. 

Some neat meditation devices allow the kids to experience nature and pleasant surroundings. Uh oh.  The engineers on this project are worried.  They are forbidden access to the inmates/patients.  AI is the only counselor/doctor allowed to work on the teens. Short term success can't be denied...short term. The kids seem to be responding, for the most part.  Now, how to make it permanent.  Clones, mind control chips (think Elon Musk's Trans-humanism), and certain punishment.  Now the kids are being turned into something other than who they were. Also, nTrac needs to show results in 90 days, and if the kids aren't improving that fast...well, the technicians are told to rush it. Yvonne offers objections and she is taken care of.

Just what will nTrac produce after 90 days?  Will the teens in the program keep their humanity?  If an AI machine is given total control, what will it consider "cured" or "improved"?  We saw this in "A Clockwork Orange," but that did not have the use of AI.  The subliminal tactics are present in both these films, though modern AI has made them easier to deliver.  For a scary look at how "wonderful" AI can be for at risk teens, see "The Correction Unit."  

The House by the Cemetery, Listed by Lucio Fulci

Whether by the cemetery or by the mall, if Lucio Fulci is making a movie about a house...don't go in. Though largely shot in Massachusetts, this horror yarn is Italian in it's cast and mood. This 1981 film came out three years after Fulci's classic "Zombie." (To see that review click on this link ZOMBIE ). However, as far as drive-in theaters went, this Fulci film was usually matched up with either "The Last House on the Left" or "The House that Vanished." (For that review, click on this link VANISHED ). Either way, we have a Fulci film...filled with ominous gore.

After Dr. Peterson's murder suicide, Dr. Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco) is tapped to take over his research. To do this, he takes his wife Lucy (Catriona MacColl) and son Bob (Giovanni Frezzo) to a house by the cemetery near Boston where he can have some seclusion while he researches.  A couple of uh-ohs here: First, Bob has visions of a ghostly girl telling him not to come, Second, this is the same house that Peterson murdered his mistress (Daniela Doria) before his suicide.  Oh yes, how can I forget, the tomb of Dr. Freudstein (Giovanni De Nava) is planted in the front hallway of this mansion.

As the ghostly girl (Silvia Collatina) adopts Bob as a playmate, the beautiful Lucy hires the sultry Ann (Ania Pieroni) as his babysitter.  Wouldn't you know it, Bob had a vision of Ann's decapitated body earlier in the film.  It might be a beautiful head, but yes, Ann will be separated from it soon. Oh! The cellar is locked and when Norman unlocks it he is feasted on by a vampire bat in an elongated and bloody scene.  He survives, but wouldn't you know it, the dimwit won't leave the house. As something in the basement starts killing people and dragging their bodies in the cellar, Norman begins to find out the history of the house and Dr. Freudstein.  Now he is convinced they need to leave, but is it too late?

Lurid and heavy, "The House by the Cemetery" is a neat horror film.  The themes may be classic but the over-the-top gore makes this a genuine Fulci film. Two years previous, the underwhelming "The Amityville Horror" was released to disappointed audiences who yawned instead of winced. However this film would have given those same audiences some neat nightmares.  Available on YouTube, enjoy "The House by the Cemetery."

The Night Before Halloween, College Kids Shredded by Curse

An impressive looking cast should give us hunks and babes we pull for.  Not always. In the world of dark horror in which the moviemaker is more interested in delivering a horrific story than a light fluffy teen horror yarn, sometimes the characters aren't meant to survive. Now, we'll meet Beth (Natalie Ganzhorn), and we'll like her a lot...but she'll be shredded by the teens early on.  Those teens?  Well, they are great looking. In a dark Syfy original, Sheldon Wilson presents us the 2016 "The Night Before Halloween."

High school seniors gather at the babe Lindsay's (Kiana Madeira) house for a pre-Halloween party.  Uh oh, a prank goes wrong.  So wrong, the nubile and lovely Beth is left in a coma.  So what do her selfish and egotistical buddies do?  Call an ambulance?  Ha!  Well, they do, but dump her body in an industrial park first so they won't be connected to or blamed for her demise. Wait!  Not a prank. Kyle (Jahmil French) intentionally tried to murder Beth. Kyle is trying to rid himself of a curse.  If he can murder someone, he gets to live. If not, some weird Halloween monster made of flies will murder him.  Beth lives and Kyle dies.  Unbeknownst to his buddies, they are now cursed...and now they must commit murder on the night before Halloween next year.

Next year arrives and so does the night before Halloween.  Beth, who is brain dead and in the hospital, calls all of them and lets them know what they must do.  Megan (Bailee Madison) is at college now and her and all her buddies race back home believing Beth has waken from a coma.  They can't have Beth talking...or all might end up in jail. Adam (Justin Kelly) also arrives and he and Megan are sweet on one another.  So do a couple others.  The friends are faced with a reality.  Each has to commit a murder or be murdered by this creature made of flies. However much they adore one another, they look at each other as a Doberman looks at a lambchop. As much as Megan loves Adam, vice versa, the duo can only live if they murder the other one.  Where does this all end?  Break the curse or die. Just how trustworthy is a friend who you share a deadly secret with?

Will the friends murder one another or try to find another way to break the curse?  Has anyone thought of a big cannister of Raid to deal with the monster made of flies?  Wouldn't have things turned out better if these teens turned to pre-marital sex or skinny dipping instead of stupid pranks at Halloween parties?  Great cheese and beef highlights this dark horror film.  For billions of insects, and a twisted plot that sees the beautiful marred horribly, see "The Night Before Halloween."    

Devil Bat's Daughter, And She's Quite the Dish

Who knew the thing had a daughter? Wait, "The Devil Bat" was a mad scientist, experimenting with cell-growth stimulation...on bats.  The bats got loose, killed him, and many others. Could have happened to any of us who have laboratories in our homes. Could a sultry dame, helpless and vulnerable, also be a murderer? Our feature today is 1946's "Devil Bat's Daughter," directed by Frank Wisbar.

Devil Bat's daughter, Nina (Rosemary La Planche), has arrived from Europe after missing out on all the festivities. Her dad was killed by the bats he gave his cell-growth stimulant to, as were a whole bunch of other people. She goes home to see her dad and finds out he's long dead and the mansion is in ruins. Now she's catatonic and the esteemed psychiatrist Dr. Clifton Morris will treat her. Oh, Clifton is a sly operator and has an affair going with his wife's bestie, Myra (Monica Mars). She's a doll.  Clifton's wife? Ellen (Molly Lamont) is hardly as exciting nor glamorous as Myra. Okay, Ellen takes a liking to the catatonic Nina and when Nina begins responding to Clifton's treatment, Ellen insists she stay at their house instead of the hospital.  There, Clifton can treat the scared Nina for nightmares and hallucinations.  Nina keeps dreaming about big bats attacking. Clifton keeps giving her pills...guess what's in the pills. Here comes the hunk Ted (John James). Ted is a soldier on leave and Ellen is his mom, and Clifton is his stepdad. Ted always thought Clifton married Ellen for her money.

Okay, Ted and Nina fall in love. Today we have apps for that, back in 1946 we had catatonic trances and helplessness.  We've come a long way. Uh oh...Clifton and Myra want to elope but Ellen is in the way. Then Ted's dog is murdered...then Ellen.  Nina, who is having blackout spells, hallucinations, and a dad who was a mad scientist murderer is arrested.  Ted, who loves Nina is convinced she is not the killer. He's the only one who thinks that as even Nina believes she is a killer.  Ted has a plan and it calls for him to get to know Nina's dad (who is dead), his experiments, and to find the experiment notes of The Devil Bat. 

Just what of The Devil Bat's failed experiments on cell-growth stimulation can help Ted prove Nina's innocence?  Any chance of Myra being turned into a big bat?  Can Ted prove Clifton murdered his mother, thus saving Nina from the electric chair?  This is a terrific B horror film with fine looking dames and a hunk hero.  For a nice Friday night creature feature, with big bats, and homicidal maniacs, see "Devil Bat's Daughter." 

Sorority of the Damned, Nubile Sorority Babes Demonized

Wait! The sultry Sarah French as a shrieking ugly witch? Yep...that's what you call a versatile actress. Okay, sorority babes as demons.  You college guys are nodding your heads too enthusiastically here. Nubile babes becoming demons may not be such a big reach, but here we mean, real demons.  Like conjured from Hell and reciting pagan incantations.  Okay, I know, normal stuff at any Tri-Delta sorority house. Forget it, never mind, let's just plough into a discussion of 2025's "Sorority of the Damned, " directed by Joe Davison and Roy Knyrim.

Trevor (Davison) is a boorish janitor/maintenance man who is frequently called to a bitchy sorority house on campus to unclog toilets of feminine hygiene products. The house mother is the witch Angela (Felissa Rose) and the sorority president is the sultry lesbian Amber (Kaleina Cordova). All the sisters are sultry and Jenny (Sydney Carvill) is a clean cut one and her only friend in the sorority is Morgan (Chelsea Jordan). The redhead Circey (Jaime Brightbill) is Amber's object of desire, and Grace (Kourtney George) and Morai (Olivia Cordell) are two nubile babes that will either get their face ripped off or be ripped in two. Okay, Trevor finds a secret room in the sorority house's basement that is actually a temple with an altar in it.  He also finds a Necronomicon type book with satanic spells, incantations, and curses. Now Angela commandeers this book and gathers the sisters into the room for a rite.

Angela forces Jenny to get naked and has the other girls, some naked, hold her to the altar. Angela does a spell and all the girls are now demons, except Grace and Morai who will be murdered in graphic fashion. After a blood-rite or two, the demon sisters go to a cemetery where they will resurrect dead witches including Sarah French. Oh, Trevor finds out that in addition to being a janitor, he is also the latest of a bloodline that kills demons. Now equipped with some demon killing tools, he sets off to stop the demons from destroying the world. The nubile sisters are now hideous and vicious demons. Trevor always had a soft spot for Jenny and does not want to murder the girls, just the demons that possess them. A raucous final showdown will occur where the world will either be destroyed or saved.

Are the demons in this film as bad as sorority sisters in general at American universities? Will college guys see this film and wonder where the fiction lies?  Is the use of feminine hygiene products clogging toilets as a plot device a metaphor for the awful state of the higher education system in America?  The babes in this film are all sultry and the acting is sensational.  For a tremendous cheese factor and a really neat action-hero demon hunter, see "Sorority of the Damned."   

Murders in the Zoo, Such Horrible Ways to Die

Snakes, other reptiles, tigers, lions, and rhinos!  These things belong in the wild...a place man does not belong. In their element, many of them are perfect killing machines.  Throw in humans, passion, and jealousy, and we have a bloody mix of carnage and homicide. This one is so icky that it was banned in most European countries upon its release. Our feature today is 1933's "Murders in the Zoo," directed by A. Edward Sutherland. 

Eric Gorman (Lionel Atwell) is in India with his sultry wife, Evelyn (Kathleen Burke). So sultry is Evelyn that no hunk can resist her.  When Eric sees the hunk Bob (Edward Pawley) kiss her, he grabs him, sews his lips shut, binds his hands, and throws him to the tigers. Very messy! Eric is in India collecting animals for a zoo back home. On the boat ride home, Evelyn develops a thing for the handsome Roger (John Lodge). This won't go well for Roger as one of the things Eric is bringing home is a Green Mamba, a very poisonous snake. Nevertheless, all make it home safely, and Eric is able to give the zoo owner (Harry Beresford) some neat finds.  Zoologists Dr. Jack Woodford (Randolph Scott) and his nubile fiancé Jerry (Gail Patrick) study the animals.  Jack is especially interested in the Green Mamba and extracts its venom to try to find an anti-toxin.

Evelyn hates Eric.  She knows he murders any guy that shows an interest in her.  She loves Roger and when her lover becomes a victim of the Green Mamba, she is ready to leave and let the cops know of her husband's deeds.  This won't go well for her. Sadly, the sultry Evelyn will cease being sultry and also cease being in one piece. You'll see.  Now Eric begins feeling the heat as he tries to blame Jack's incompetence for the Green Mamba getting loose.  Jack is smart and finds more clues.  Now Jack and the nubile Jerry are in danger from a maniacal Eric and his zoo animals.

Did the lovely Evelyn deserve her fate?  Will Jack and Jerry survive the snakes, alligators, and lions and live happily ever after?  Who would win a steel cage match, a lion or a Green Mamba?  This is an icky one and the deaths are excruciating and sometimes heartbreaking.  For some nice pre-code horror, see "Murders in the Zoo."   

Die, Monster, Die!, Boris Karloff Does HP Lovecraft

What a combo! Boris Karloff and HP Lovecraft. Why not? A creepy old mansion secreted deep in the foggy moors!  Tentacled creatures caged in the greenhouse! Disfigured beings terrorizing the beautiful! Then the mysterious mad scientist pulling all the strings and fooling around with nature in such a way that only the horrific can be the result. Our feature today, from 1965 is "Die, Monster, Die!"  This one is directed by Daniel Haller.

An American, Stephen (Nick Adams) arrives in Arkham, in England. When the townspeople find out he is headed to the Witley mansion, deep into the moors, they avoid him. Now Stephen has to trek on foot to see the woman he loves, the nubile and big...ah, well she has a big smile, Susan (Suzan Farmer). He wants to marry her and the woman of the house, Letitia Witley (Freda Jackson) has sent for him. On the stroll there, Nick notices a huge crater and every form of vegetation had burnt to a crisp. Once at the mansion, wheelchair bound Noham Witley (Karloff) meets him and orders him to leave. Well, Susan's great big... smile, helps Stephen decide to stay.  Mistake. Now it is apparent that Nahum wants to keep the secrets of the mansion secret. This won't be easy. Stephen pays tribute to Letitia, who is bedridden and hidden behind a veiled curtain.  Letitia begs Stephen to take Susan away.

Nahum tends to his laboratory/dungeon/cellar, where there is a big glowing green rock...pulsating. Meanwhile, all of the Witley servants either melt, burn to a crisp, go homicidally insane, or disfigure. A scientist, Stephen postulates uranium and radiation poisoning.  Nahum postulates a gift from God. Now Susan and Stephen investigate the greenhouse when it begins glowing green. After Susan is nearly engulfed by a plant, a zoo from Hell is spotted, and now Susan and Stephen flee with a good idea of what is exactly going on at this estate.  Nahum?  He retreats to the basement and faces the horrors which have been created. Final showdowns and more revelations await.

Just what is causing the grotesque horror at the Witley estate?  Can Stephen save Susan from disfigurement, spontaneous combustion, and insanity?  Will the creatures in the "Zoo from Hell" get loose and begin stalking the non-mutated?  These questions are ones we can all apply in our daily lives, as HP Lovecraft is becoming more and more relatable to modern audiences.  For a good one, during this Halloween season, see Boris Karloff in "Die, Monster, Die!"

Return to House on Haunted Hill, Back into the Haunted House

Baphemut!  Who, or what is it?  Who care's!? Cerina Vincent and her great big...smile is in this film!  We have not done a Cerina Vincent film in a while.  Also in it is the lovely and dangerous Calita Rainford, who plays a hot Asian henchwoman clad in leather wielding a lot of weapons.  Sadly, Ms. Rainford will have her face cut off by Jeffrey Combs and cease being beautiful early in this film...happens. Today we look at a sequel to 1999's "House on Haunted Hill," 2007's "Return to House on Haunted Hill," directed by Victor Garcia.

Ariel (Amanda Righetti) is sad. Her sister, who survived the original film, has died by apparent suicide. The sultry magazine executive will be forced to go back to the insane asylum/house on Haunted Hill by thug Desmond (Erik Palladino) and his henchmen and henchwoman Harue (Rainford). Sadly, the babe Asian will be offed soon by ghost mad scientist Vannacut (Combs). Also along is Professor Hammer (Steven Pacey), Paul (Tom Riley), Ariel's hunk beau, and Michelle (Vincent) who serves no purpose other than wearing a tight top displaying nice cleavage. Desmond wants the Baphemut statue because a buyer will pay him millions for it.  Hammer wants it too, for academic purposes, of course.  The ghosts begin appearing and when they do...you're dead.  Henchmen will be pulled apart, the babe henchwoman will be sliced up and lose her face during hot lesbian sex with sultry and nude female ghosts (what a scene this is!), etc.

Ariel realizes she needs to get out of the house with her beau, Paul.  Uh oh...Ariel is given visions by some ghosts that indicate she needs to stay in the house, find Baphemut, and destroy it. Desmond proves just as threatening as the ghosts of this insane asylum and the mad doctor.  Michelle?  Vannacut finds her and...well, sometimes impressive cleavage is not enough to ward off evil spirits...go figure. Now the dead return to life, ghosts appear, and Vannacut is dead set against allowing Baphemut to be destroyed.  Ariel, however, just may be too pretty to die...though we also said this about Harue and Michelle.

Will Ariel be able to destroy Baphemut and get her and Paul out of the evil house?  Will Desmond's greed prevent all of this?  Will Vannacut cut any parts of Ariel off and dump them in a pile that also contains Harue's face?  Bet you never thought you'd hear that question today when you slid out of bed.  This is a good one with great cheese and gore.  For some terrific haunted insane asylum drama with hot chicks, see "Return to House on Haunted Hill."

Slaughter High, Caroline Munro in Peril

Oh yes!  Caroline Munro!  All wet and helpless.  In the shower or out of the shower.  Running for her life or swinging a hatchet in self defense, she always looks great.  A Bond Girl and also A Hammer Glamour Girl, Caroline Munro seduces us. Who can forget her nubile and vulnerable look in that Sinbad film? Today we look at her in a terrific slasher film, that has a behemoth kill count.  Our feature today is 1985's "Slaughter High," directed by George Dugdale, Mark Ezra, and Mackenzie Litten.

10 years ago the sultry Carol (Munro) and a bunch of her cool friends pull a cruel prank on the chemistry nerd Marty (Simon Scuddamore). Up in flames! Marty is left burnt all over his body and eventually institutionalized in a mental asylum. Carol and her buddies graduate and go about their lives. At this point we get a Caroline Munro shower scene. Relative to the plot? Right! Years later Carol and her buddies return to the high school for a reunion. Uh oh! The school is gone and only the derelict building remains. The only invitees are Carol and her buddies. With pot smoking, cocaine, and beer waiting, the young adults sneak into the building and party anyway.  Uh oh, someone has set up a party room for them.  All their lockers are also there...and Marty's locker, too. The babes and hunks are creeped out by Marty's locker, as they feel mildly guilty about his gruesome fate. After drugs, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and cocaine, the friends start getting murdered in horrible ways.

Of note is Shirley (Josephine Scandi).  After her boyfriend's stomach explodes, she has his guts all over her. Happens. She finds a bathtub, fills it up, strips, and we get a nice nude gratuitous bath scene before... well, before a great death scene. Also Stella (Donna Yeager), a sultry blonde, is now married to Joe (Gary Martin). Naturally, she'll engage in extra marital sex with Frank (Billy Hartman) and as most slasher films are, this is a morality tale. Yep, they'll get it while doing it. Car batteries, a riding lawnmower, a javelin, human waste, and acid are all used for our viewing pleasure.  The reunion attenders will fall horribly, babe and hunk alike...nude or clothed.

Will the sultry and wet Carol survive as a final girl?  Is Marty really the killer, or is that too easy? Does Marty want something else from Carol other than merely skewering her with a pointed weapon? 40 years later, the strength of this film is the allure of Caroline Munro, but as an 80s slasher film, this is still a good one.  For some great cheesecake, some beefcake, and a ton of gory kills, see "Slaughter High."  

Scared to Death, Because of Bela Lugosi?

No one can scare someone to death better than Bela Lugosi.  In a wealthy and mysterious family everyone has a motive for murder.  There's always a beautiful dame or two to be in peril, and mad scientist type brutes that would seek to imperil them...then Bela Lugosi pops in for a visit, and before we know it, there's a body...corpse!  Our feature today is 1946's "Scared to Death," directed by Christy Cabanne.

As our film begins, the beautiful Laura Van Ee's (Molly Lamont) corpse is on a slab in the morgue.  No marks of violence and no apparent cause of death are apparent, mystifying the coroner. Now Laura, from the other side, flashes back on just what happened to her. A day or two ago, Laura was a grouchy wife to Ward (Roland Varno). Her father-in-law, Dr. Joseph Van Ee (George Zucco) hates her and demands she give his son a divorce. Laura won't divorce Ward and claims she is not done with him. Laura claims the good doctor and Ward are keeping her prisoner in the mansion. Then guess who arrives! Right, Bela Lugosi as the weird Professor Leonide...and his trusted midget, Indigo (Angelo Rossitto). Why? Dr. Ee is not happy to see him.  See, Leonide used to be an inmate in the mansion when it was an asylum. He escaped and fled to Europe, only to return now.

Enter Raymond (Nat Pendleton).  He's a private eye, fired from the police, and now in charge of security at the mansion. He's hot for the perky maid, Lilybeth (Gladys Blake). He's also not that bright. Outside a specter wearing a green mask haunts and looks in the windows. Someone sends Laura a sculpture of her own head, disconcerting her. Now Laura is afraid but she will not tell us why. Leonide, apparently, is a magician and adept at hypnosis.  Coincidentally, Lilybeth goes into a hypnotic trance. The green masked figure keeps lurking. Then two reporters arrive, Lee (Douglas Fowley) and the nubile Jane (Joyce Compton). Lee is smart and Jane is sultry and playful, which are great for this plot. Laura fears whatever is outside closing in on her as more fall into hypnotic trances.  Then...we do find out what happened to Laura and why.

Is Laura really dead?  If Lilybeth and Jane are entranced in a hypnotic spell, what will the hypnotist have them do?  Is Professor Leonide really the antagonist here, or is that too easy?  The dames are in much peril, the men are menacing, and the figure in the green mask is spooky.  For a lurid mystery during the Halloween season, see "Scared to Death."

American Fright Fest, Dozens Shredded

A chainsaw! An axe! Electricity! A shotgun! Those are only some of the props that will work the plot in 2018's "American Fright Fest" in order to mutilate and destroy dozens of poor schmucks. This isn't one of those slasher films that ends up with a kill count of five, or six, or even nine or ten. The kills will be in the dozens...count if you can, but I would estimate between 40 and 50. Plot? Like there is any time for a plot...nevertheless we will delve into that now.

Spencer Crowe (Dylan Walsh) is a famous low-budget horror film maker. You remember "Death Bitch," don't you? He just got out of rehab (it didn't work) for drugs and alcohol. His lawyer gets him a job in a small town to run their Halloween Fright Fest. An abandoned mental asylum will be handed over to him and he'll convert it to a haunted house attraction. His past cast members will join him, they also need jobs. Uh oh, the drunk Spencer drives down a road causing a prison bus to crash. The crash sees two psychos escape, Ruben (Jonathan Camp) and Mason (Luke Baines). They immediately head to the abandoned asylum just as the attraction opens to the public.

Ruben is the mean one. He'll mow through cops, security, and actors like crap through a goose. The most heartbreaking one (okay, gratuitous, but maybe not heartbreaking) is Maxine (Ashley Blankenship). Maxine is a large breasted blonde actress who is very proud of her two assets...Ruben will make short work of her. Meanwhile Spencer locks himself in the control room, witnesses all the carnage, and taunts Ruben...he's high as a kite, as they say. Hunks and babes will die horribly and Taylor (Madison McKinley) who plays a horror-nurse at the attraction, seems to emerge as a potential final girl. Double uh oh, another escapee Mason, joins the potential victims, and desires to kill Ruben claiming he knows how evil he is...but is Mason really one of the good-guys?

Does Mason seek to stop the killing, or to continue it? Will the very pretty Maxine have what it takes to kill the psycho (or psychos) and perhaps get to slap Spencer in the face? Is Spencer really secure locked away in the control room, or does an extremely bloody fate await him? This is a bloody one and the kills will be thrown at you in rapid succession. Directed by Ante Novakovic, and shot in Pennsylvania, "American Fright Fest" is one of those slasher films that doesn't keep the kill count in single figures.
 

The Barn: Part II, The Gore and Demons are Back

After "The Barn," there were many unanswered questions.  Even though most people on the screen died horribly, there was still the fate of the virgin Michelle (Lexi Dripps) left up in the air. Was she eaten?  Was she de-virginized?  Was she pulled into the realm of the demons?  Also, what of the two landscaping hunks, Sam (Mitchell Musolino) and Josh (Will Stout)?  It looked like they were about to be heroes when they were presumably sucked into hell. Good news!  In the sequel, a sorority filled with babes will open the haunted house in the barn three years later.  Our feature today is 2022's "The Barn: Part II," directed by Justin Seaman.  This one is set in 1992.

Despite the horror she endured when her BF was sucked into hell and had some demon awake in her van, Michelle is now in college and volunteers to help her sorority do an open house for Halloween.  She will take the lead with Josh' babe sister Heather (Sable Griedel). Why? Never mind.  The two babes and the entire sorority work the barn, the same one from the last movie. Yep, out of the well in the back, demons are conjured and will end up murdering all the sorority babes in gory fashion and turning them into demons.  Nudity, BDSM, kinky pillow fighting, and other deviance are what the sisters were doing just before being ripped apart or disemboweled.  Now Heather and Michelle are the only sisters left, and Michelle has a new BF, Charlie (Chad Bruns), the nerd at the video store.  He will fight the demons with his crutches.

Now Michelle is overmatched, but also out of the well, Josh and Sam emerge.  Yep, Josh has the holy weed killer.  With these two experienced demon hunters, the two sorority babes at least stand a chance. The demons are back in full force and have made the entire town into demons, too. May I say that Heather and Michelle look terrific in their Halloween costumes? Okay, I should also say many terrific cameos occur in this sequel, including Lloyd Kaufman as the mayor, Linnea Quigley as the church lady, Joe Bob Briggs and Diana Prince,  and Ari Lehman. The pumpkin, miner, and scarecrow demons are back to inflict death with pick-axes, sickles, and a wonderful assortment of bladed weapons.  Most of this film will be an all out bloody war.

Packed with gore, guts, and severed limbs and heads, this film is a must see for fans of the first "Barn" film.  It is also a great homage to late 80s, early 90s slasher fare.  With a sultry cast of sorority babes, most will die horribly, a few hunks, and some neat 1980s and 1990s slasher talent, "The Barn: Part II" is a terrific view on a Friday night in October.