Friday, September 29, 2017

The Last Supper, Hunk Eats Babes

Lots of Japanese babes just yearning for pre-marital sex. A handsome hunk and Japan's most renown plastic surgeon who wants to eat them. No not a porn film...a cannibal extravaganza! In a smartphone age, communication is very important. A nubile and sex starved beauty may feel complimented when a hunk tells her, "I want to eat you." However, in 2005's Japan/Hong Kong horror film "The Last Supper," this error in communication will be fatal...and a little bit fattening.
A macabre dinner date
Dr. Yuji Kotorida (Masaya Kato) wasn't always a suave and debonair plastic surgeon to the stars. Nope, he used to be awkward, dimwitted, and physically challenged. During a humiliating matriculation through medical school, the socially inept Yuji manages to taste the fat of one of his cadavers...the rest is history. Jump forward, our good doctor realizes the meat of young beautiful women keeps him young, handsome, intelligent, and potent. Fortunately for him, Japan's hottest babes are throwing themselves at him, only to be added to his menu. A beautiful info-babe, Saki (Fumina Hara) is doing a feature on him and for Japanese TV and falling in love with him.
You won't believe what they just did
No need to methodically go through the plot as spoilers are as undesirable as too much garlic. This film may be reminiscent of the TV show "Dexter" but wait! In "The Last Supper," one thing is clear...cannibals aren't the only social deviance out there...and yes, they aren't as rare as we might believe.  Yuji seduces some great looking women before eating them.  We see him eat them, but beware, we also see him decapitate them, chop them up, gut them, de-bone them, and prepare them. Standard stuff to an extreme horror fan? Perhaps, but twists abound. The demise of the sultry info-babe Saki is shocking and delves into the orgasmic world of cannibalistic threesomes.
The unfortunate info-babe
Extreme gore and some horrific twists make "The Last Supper" (directed by Osamu Fukutani) a worthwhile watch. The ending? Yep, you'll be yelling "What the @#%& is that!" So, if you're bored with all those cooking shows on satellite TV, this will be a logical step up. Yuji's menu includes some beautiful actresses, most completely unknowing their fate when they give in to their sexual desires.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Nightwish, Don't Wake Up

Believe it or not hyperbaric chambers are still on the market. Remember those? William Hurt went bananas in one in "Altered States." Oh yes, Kelly LeBrock ("Don't hate me because I'm beautiful") had one while married to Steven Seagal. Whether those two points are related is unknown. Today some gratuitous horror generated by one of these weird devices graces this blog. 1989's "Nightwish" is an ignored shocker with some very icky moments. Zombies eating prom-goers, big leeches, bugs exploding out human heads, aliens nesting eggs in human bodies, and gratuitous wet T-shirt scenes highlight this horror yarn.
Pretty Donna (Elizabeth Kaitan), in a flowing red prom gown is tormented by a flesh-eating class-mate. Wait!  She wakes up in a hyperbaric chamber. A mad doctor (Jack Starrett) is using college students in experiments. He has invented a machine and process in which he can see dreams on a TV monitor and then control what happens in them. It should be noted this process hasn't been perfected. Our doctor also asks his subject to allow their greatest fears to proceed and welcome death in these dreams...a clue to change majors. Our doctor takes this show on the road to continue these experiments in a haunted house with a satanic history, built on a cursed Indian burial ground and a haunted mine.  Oh yes, this palace is located in an area with lots of U.F.O activity.
At the house, the doctor conducts a strange seance which conjures up a big green endoplasmic snake which seeks to impregnate the gals, Donna and Kim (Alisha Das). His next seance will be conducted with his students handcuffed...then the fun starts. After this seance, the doctor has his assistant, Stanley (Robert Tessier) torture our youths. The doctor's real goals are to have the beings on the other side drag all of them to that alternate universe.  Kim escapes! Up to now Kim's only goal was to have pre-marital sex with a hunk (Brian Thompson). Now she must play the hero. She is chased into the haunted mines which end up being a breeding ground for slimy aliens.  After a steamy scene in which the green snake has sex with  her, Kim must act. Now satisfied sexually by the snake, Kim realizes that the inhabitants of the mine must be destroyed.
Haunted house classroom
Can Kim switch from nymphomaniac to heroine? Is all this part of some weird and twisted dream, manipulated by the evil doctor?  If it is a dream, will waking up end the horror? Lots of dismemberment, slimy alien f/x, and gratuitous wet T-shirt scenes await you in either "Nightwish" or your dreams.  Before you go onto Amazon and order that hyperbaric chamber, see "Nightwish."    

Monday, September 25, 2017

Terror Night, The Silents Come Back to Kill

Shelley Winters in her autobiography said "Making love is like eating and juicy or cold and soggy, its all good." The same maxim applies to slasher films. Quirky and unique, or standard and predictable, slasher films always please. Today we have an apparent standard and predictable slasher film, 1987's "Terror Night" (aka "Bloody Movie").  Some great looking college kids, lots of pre-marital sex, a haunted mansion stalked by a maniac, and some throw-in characters just made for being slashed.  Of course we have the promiscuous ones who will die horribly, and then the clean cut ones who will survive...or will they?
Chip and Kathy
In the opening scene we learn that legendary silent film star Lance Hayward (John Ireland) is presumed dead and his mansion is set to be razed. The property taxes haven't been paid and the bank has claimed the property.  Grizzly Adams (Dan Haggerty) and another bank executive visit the place the night before the bank will take possession and both will die horribly. Grizzly Adams will be harpooned and another schmuck will be pulled in half after being tied to the bumper of a car. In fact, all the murders in this film will mirror deaths from old Lance Hayward silent films. Second scene: blonde bimbo Sherry (Jamie Summers) and her beau Greg (Ken Abraham) are in an elongated bathtub scene in which the two naked college kids are rubbing soap all over each other.
The unfortunate Sherry
Six of these college kids think it would be fun to head over to the abandoned mansion for a night of pre-marital sex...what could go wrong?  Unbeknownst to them, two bikers, Jo (Michelle Bauer) and Angel (Jim Elwells) head over there for drugs and sex.  Kathy (Staci Greason) and nerd Chip (William Butler) actually want to go because they love the silents and think Lance Hayward is cool. But wait! Hayward isn't dead...he is a psycho maniac and hunts down the hunks and babes with swords, battle-axes, shotguns, etc.  Michelle Bauer will be chased while totally nude, and when she puts her leather outfit on, will be whipped unmercifully.  Oh yes, remember the skank in the guessed it...the most memorable death scene of the film awaits her.
Lance Hayward does Othello
As the characters die horribly, will the clean cut Kathy and nerd Chip survive?  Did the lack of sex and nudity in Hollywood's silent films increase Lance Hayward's sexual frustration to the point of brutal homicide?  Is this film a metaphor for the fate of modern day Hollywood and they're stale writing and acting?  I warn you, don't get too attached to anyone in this film as it doesn't follow the rules of who survives and who doesn't.  For some great kills and an nice surprises, see Nick Marino's "Terror Night."

Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Humanoid, The Evil Warlord Who Loved Me

Two years after Barbara Bach and Richard Kiel collaborated on "The Spy Who Loved Me," they co-starred in the cheesy Italian scifi epic "The Humanoid." So, you have never heard of 1979's "The Humanoid"?  Don't worry, I'm here to help...just imagine a head on collision between 1979's Starcrash and 1988's Space Mutiny . Forget about the over preachy and awfully acted "Star Wars" and treat yourself to the trio of films I have just mentioned. Oh yes, if you want to see some real spacebabes, forget about Carrie Fisher (oh please!) and enjoy Barbara Bach or Caroline Munro.
Mad scientist and Lady Agatha
Lord Graal (Ivan Rassimov) has escaped from a prison planet, commandeered a space battleship and has set his sights to destroying Metropolis (Earth). A mad scientist has perfected a serum that will turn humans into monsters, which Graal will use to destroy the planet. Oh yes, along for the ride is the sultry Lady Agatha (Bach). Agatha is a spacebabe version of Elizabeth Bathory (Countess Dracula), as she travels the universe, abducting other nubile spacebabes, and putting them in a galactic Iron Maiden. See, Agatha needs the blood of beautiful women to maintain her youthful appearance. Graal's scientist turns Earth-defender Golob (Kiel) into a monster and sends him to Metropolis.
Golob and Tom Tom
As Golob seems to be well on his way to destroying Earth, a change of plans! Yep, before destroying a planet, Graal needs to destroy Barbara Gibson (Corinne Clery). Who is Barbara Gibson? She is a horrible video game player. As Golob corners Barbara Gibson, a galactic Dalai Lama named Tom Tom (Marco Yeh) saves her and turns Golob good again. When Barbara Gibson is abducted, anyway, Golob and Nick (Leonard Mann)...never mind about him...set their sights on the mother ship of Graal and Agatha.
Barbara Gibson in the Iron Maiden
Will we see a steamy cat-fight between Barbara Gibson and Lady Agatha? Does Lady Agatha want Barbara Gibson for anything other than her blood? Who do you prefer, Barbara Bach or Caroline Munro? So much more to tell you, I didn't even mention Robo-dog (think a cuter version of R2D2).  For an almost perfect space epic see "The Humanoid" directed by Aldo Lado.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Zombie Holocaust, The Nude vs. the Undead

Nothing says "I gotta see this film" like the catch-line "banned in 83 countries." 1980's "Cannibal Holocaust" (aka "Doctor Butcher M.D.") is a favorite of many of this blog's readers and the decency boards in 83 countries. To add to the cinematic excellence, our film today was made in Italy and is poorly dubbed. Human organs ripped from torsos, nudity, scalping, nudity, exposed brains, cannibals, zombies, and nudity...hardly any reason for a cohesive plot.
Hospitals are alarmed at a rash of thefts from their morgues and cadavers. Someone is ripping out internal organs from corpses. Uh oh, a culprit is caught feasting on a corpse's heart. Hospital personnel including Lori (Alexandra Delli Colli) and Dr. Peter (Ian McCulloch) are still alarmed as it appears lots of cannibals are loose in the city. Now, it is not clear what Lori and Peter do for the hospital but they decide to venture to a remote southeastern Asian island and investigate the tribe that seems to have visited New York. Before they leave, we see Lori strip off her boots, clothes, intimate undies in order to answer her doorbell. Who rang? The beautiful and nubile reporterette Susan (Sherry Buchanan). The two babes stare at each other in a scene not important to the plot.
Dr. Butcher and Susan
Joining Peter and Lori on their expedition is Susan and George (Peter O'Neal). Who is George? Who knows, but his death scene is excruciating and disgusting. The quartet arrive and Lori undresses right away, only to find a maggot infested severed head in her bed. The four then head into the jungle to find the elusive cannibals. Just their luck, the cannibals find them first, eat George and carry the nubile Susan away for a fate worse than death. Lori and Peter consider leaving but they decide to pay a visit to a weird doctor operating on this island. This will be a mistake as Lori is then carried away, stripped of all her clothes ( if she couldn't do it herself) and Peter is slated for the same fate Susan endured. Ah, but wait, a few surprises are in store for the tormentors and cannibals, and Lori's nudity might just give her and Peter a fighting chance. Oh yes, as if the cannibals were not menacing enough...bring on the zombies.
Lori and Peter in the doctor's lab
Will Susan and Lori engage in a nude cat-fight? Who is the mysterious island doctor and what is his relation to the cannibals and zombies? Is Susan's gory and disgusting demise a mere metaphor for the hostility toward the media in 1980s Italy? Directed by Marino Girolami, and filled with severed limbs, machete carnage, ripped out internal organs, and the nude Alexandra Delli Colli, "Zombie Holocaust" was never banned in the U.S. giving you every opportunity to see this. After viewing it, call your buddies in Sierra Leone and gloat.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Blood Thirst, Vampire in The Philippines?

Vampire in The Philippines? Looks that way. In 1971's "Blood Thirst," the blood sucker isn't the only social deviance preying on this Asian cluster of islands. Beautiful women in Manila are having their blood drained, but should we rush to judgment and blame vampires? One who understands Manila, and its intricacies, knows that there are a thousand other things that could be draining blood from nightclub babes.  Like what? know...
Rourke and Insp. Ramos
Sultry women working at The Barrio Club in Manila are getting murdered. They are found hanging upside down with their arms slit and drained of blood. Police Inspector Ramos (Vic Diaz) summons Adam Rourke (Robert Winston). Rourke is an American and an expert in sex murders. Rourke looks like he has a bit of sex-crazed killer in his genes. After he meets Ramos' sister Sylvia (Ketherine Henryk), it is obvious she doesn't like him or his arrogance. Not to be denied, Rourke slaps her silly a couple of times, grabs her, plants a big unwanted kiss on her and engages in some rough pre-marital sex with the nubile sister. After that, she can't get enough of him or more pre-marital sex with him. Meanwhile, more nightclub babes are murdered and drained. Rourke believes the suave and mysterious nightclub manager, Calderon (Vic Silayan), is the culprit.
After slapping Sylvia silly some more, Rourke goes undercover in the club. All signs point to Calderon...but wait! A very ravishing blonde exotic dancer, Serena (Yvonne Nielson), tells Rourke that she must talk to him.  Apparently Serena has incriminating evidence against Calderon. As more murders occur, we see the killer, a monstrous human like creature with a head covered in boils. Rourke knows he can't trust the beautiful exotic dancer, but is drawn to meet her anyway. His girl-toy Sylvia, unbeknownst to Rourke, is the next target for this creature.
Sylvia in much peril
Is Calderon involved in these murders? Just what is this monster, and why is he draining the babes of their blood? What is the mystery of Serena, and what does she have planned for Rourke? Does Sylvia need a wedding planner or the phone number to a battered women's shelter? A man's movie no doubt, and probably a favorite film of NFL running backs, "Blood Thirst," directed by Newt Arnold, and filmed entirely in Manila, is a minor gem from the 1970s.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Psychic Killer, The Church and Gratuitous Horror

One of the most gratuitous death scenes in 1970s horror occurred in 1975's "Psychic Killer." Canadian actress Mary Charlotte Wilcox ("Days of Our Lives") portrays a sultry white-clad nurse. Caring for a terminally ill elderly man, she teases him with an exotic dance while she strips off her uniform. She'll strip off her undies as she enters the shower for a gratuitous shower scene. She'll then be scalded by boiling water and cut up when she falls through the shower door. What became of Ms. Wilcox? She left gratuitous acting and became an Anglican priest in Edmonton. Let us take a look at the Anglican church's number one recruitment tool.
Arnold (Jim Hutton) is institutionalized, then imprisoned for the murder of his mom's doctor. Arnold blames the doctor and several others for his mom's death. His only friend? Kay from "Creature From the Black Lagoon." That's right, Julie Adams plays Dr. Scott, his sympathetic psychologist. In prison, Arnold inherits a gift of the occult. He can now astral project himself outside his body. After he is released from prison, Arnold moves into his mother's home, and begins a paranormal journey of vengeance. He'll first kill Whit Bissell, also from "Creature From the Black Lagoon."
The killings are very gory and imaginative. As our Anglican priest/slutty nurse is felled, Detective Morgan (Paul Burke) tries to connect the murders and victims. As Morgan figures out all the victims had something to do Arnold being incarcerated, he keys in on Arnold as the number one suspect. A big problem arises...some of the murders then occur while Arnold is under surveillance, asleep in his mother's home. Morgan enlists the help of Dr. Scott. Arnold secretly loves Scott and desires sex with her, but Morgan gets to her first. Morgan is humiliated as his astral projection witnesses Morgan and Scott engage in pre-marital sex. Now Arnold expands his list to not only include schmucks who put him in prison, but also Morgan and Scott.
As stated earlier the kills are occurs in a butcher shop and utilizes a meat grinder and bone saw.  Will the lovely Dr. Scott, who recently escaped from the creature, be able to avoid Arnold's paranormal advances? Did attendance at Canada's Anglican churches skyrocket after this film premiered? Did the United Methodists counter "Psychic Killer"? For some nice gore and gratuitous exotic dancing, check out "Psychic Killer."

Friday, September 15, 2017

Nurse Sherri, Possessed Angel in White

Exploitation films were still filling the drive-ins back in the 1970s. Many of these titillating films featured beautiful nurses, and in the 1970s they were still clad in white. This was perfect as those white uniforms were slightly form fitting for sex comedies and a perfect background for red splattered blood in those slasher films. 1978's "Nurse Sherri" (aka "Hospital of Terror") will show us many beautiful nurses, in those white get-ups or nude. Either nude, or in clad in white, many will die horribly at the hands of the title character.
Reanhauer rapes Sherri
After some pre-marital sex with Doctor Peter, the beautiful and nubile, white-clad Nurse Sherri (Jill Jacobson) is raped by the spirit of an evil Astrological-Satanic priest Reanhauer (Bill Roy). Really...need I say more? Here goes, Reanhauer is felled by a heart attack in the desert after trying to bring a rotting corpse back to life. The doctors can't save him and the fun begins. Sherri is dating the hunk Doctor Peter (Geoffrey Land). Peter yells at her a lot and gets panicky if Sherri doesn't answer her phone on the first ring. Meanwhile, the possessed Sherri first visits the former head doctor at the hospital who ordered heart surgery for Reanhauer. She impales him with a pitchfork. She'll then gut another member of the surgical staff.
The formerly beautiful Nurse Gordon
Meanwhile, NFL star Marcus Washington (Prentiss Moulden) has been blinded and is in the hospital. Nurse Tara (Marilyn Joi) takes a liking to him and undresses a lot. Nurse Beth (Katherine Pass) satisfies her patients with kinky sex before surgery. Oh yes, very pretty Nurse Gordon (Caryl Briscoe) will have her throat slashed and uniform stained by Sherri. As Peter continues to have no clue as to why Sherri isn't treating him like King Tut, Tara and Marcus figure out that Reanhauer's spirit is loose in Sherri. Fortunately Marcus has a lot of knowledge of voodoo and comes up with a far fetched plan to end Reanhauer's reign of terror. As the nurses continue to disrobe and have kinky sex, and as Peter continues to demean Sherri, Sherri stalks other hospital personnel.
Nurse Sherri
Will Tara and Marcus' plan succeed and free Sherry from Reanhauer's possession? Will Calgon (ancient Chinese secret) get bloodstains out of white nurse uniforms? Possessed or not possessed, will a blade wielding Nurse Sherri rid herself of Dr. Peter? "Nurse Sherri," directed by Al Adamson is fine 1970s horror/exploitation. Lots of pretty damsels and some nice gore highlight this tale of angels in white in much peril.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Zaat, Catfish-Man in Search of Blonde Bride

Modern day science is such a bore. Securing funding and grants has replaced discovery and cures in government funded laboratories. There is always the mad scientist, however. He has already been eschewed by the establishment scientific community and has no hopes for grants or taxpayer funds. With no regulatory concerns or EEO or OSHA nonsense, the fiendish genius is free to create a master race of monsters to supplant humans at the top of the food chain. Hence, 1971's "Zaat."
Catfish-man kills scientist
As the scientific establishment shuts down Dr. Leopold (Marshall Grauer) and refuses to provide him with human test subjects, he goes rogue. Opening a lab in the Florida swamps, Leopold transforms himself into a creature, sort of a cross between Creature From the Black Lagoon and Syngenor . In actuality, he is Catfish-man. His goal? Same as all of ours, he desires to conquer the world by transforming all sea life into mutant monsters that will rule the Earth. As Catfish-man, the creature (Wade Popwell) leaves the lab and tracks down all the scientists that denied him funding and human test subjects. After he claws them to death, he spots a nubile, blonde bikini-babe (Nancy Lien). Like all gill-men, he wants her for sex and procreation. He grabs her and hauls her back to his lab but she dies shortly after he injects his serum into her. Arriving are INPIT (don't ask) agents Walker Stevens (Dave Dickerson) and the nubile blonde beauty Martha Walsh (Sanna Ringhaver).
Zaat tries to make a bride
These two agents are a great pair. Walker wastes a lot of time and goes down lots of rabbit trails.  Martha undresses a lot, wears elegant gowns, showers, has pre-marital sex, and kisses. As the agents try to track down Catfish-man, the creature decides to make Martha its bride. Good choice. While Martha types, just after a shower, and slipping out of her INPIT jumpsuit into an alluring gown, Catfish-man grabs her. Now Walker must pursue the genius/creature in order to save the damsel Martha before she is turned into gill-woman...or Catfish-babe.
The nubile Agent Martha meets Catfish-man
Will Walker grow a brain and be able to save Martha? Will Catfish-man find happiness and love in his pursuit of world domination? Will Martha actually fall in love with the gilled genius making this film a modern day re-imagining of "Beauty and the Beast"? "Zaat," directed by Don Barton and filmed in Jacksonville, Florida, is a hokey, but fun, mad-scientist epic. Not as artistic and symbolic as "Creature From the Black Lagoon," but still very worthwhile to B movie fans.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

The Jemima Trilogy, Before There was Dexter

Its a hard road out there for all you young people feeling your way awkwardly through the dating labyrinth. Perhaps the Jemima trilogy is only a thinly veiled metaphor regarding how screwed up the ability to form relationships has become. In any event, before there was "Dexter," there was Jemima. Just as deadly and just as cunning as America's favorite serial killer is Jemima. The director and producer of this trilogy, Uisdean Murray, has created a true monster. Jemima may be a bloodthirsty psychopathic monster, but she sure is pretty. So all you gals going goo-goo over Dexter, don't fret if your guys are drooling over Mr. Murray's creation...its only fair.
Joy McAvoy as Jemima
We first meet Jemima in 2002's "Jemima: Dating is Murder." As Jemima's date is bleeding out and drowning at the hands of this fiendish beauty, my first thought was '...what a way to go." Fun adventurous, bloody and ominous...what a combo! Jemima takes us through a light and frothy instruction guide to killing and disposing of your date. In a metaphorical sense, her instruction is poignant....the problem is, she is talking in a literal sense. Two years later, Mr. Murray presents us with 2004's "Jemima: Photographic Trophy." She is even more beautiful, seductive, and evil. However experienced and skillful she is, all her success and conquests have made her cocky and a bit careless. The results, of course, will be blood spattered and ominous once more.
Jemima on the prowl
Those first two are horrific and fun. Then the 47 minute third chapter hits us, 2008's "Sessions of the Mind." Her gig is up...or is it? Jemima has been arrested'll see. Court appointed psychologist Victoria (Bella Scott) is given the task of getting Jemima to talk. Uh oh, Victoria has guy issues and right away we see that her relationship with Jemima may have consequences. No humor or frolicking fun here. Comparisons to "Dexter" fly out the window and an intense picture of who Jemima is and what made her are unveiled in bloody detail. Victoria? Brilliant, scarred, and secretly needy, her relationship with Jemima is transforming. This counseling session goes down horrific paths filled with gore and tortuous revelations. I want to say a whole lot more but in respect to Mr. Murray I will refrain from spoilers.
Victoria and Jemima
 The trilogy totals about 70 minutes and will take you on a journey of self inspection and horror. Mr. Murray's direction, the acting (especially by Ms. McAvoy and Ms. Scott) and a haunting soundtrack are all fabulous. For some alluring horror that will stick with you, hopefully not while you're dating, see these three Jemima films, available at a great price on Vimeo.
For more on the Jemima Trilogy, visit the following links:
Lily Island Films
Uisdean Murray on Twitter
Jemima on Facebook

Monday, September 11, 2017

Hannah, Queen of the Vampires, Mediterranean Vampire Bites Islanders

Horror fans are quite fortunate.  When many of our friends gather to watch a light, witty comedy about a group of sisters feeling their way through adulthood (gag me with a spoon), we do the same to watch a babe vampire conquer the Mediterranean. They have Woody Allen's "Hannah and Her Sisters" (barf!) and we have 1973's "Hannah, Queen of the Vampires" (aka "Crypt of the Living Dead"). Shot in Turkey and starring the intriguing Teresa Gimpera, this film has an eerie and Gothic feel that is not for everyone.
Entrance to Hannah's tomb
In the 13th Century, the crusaders storm Vampire Island and slaughter all the vampires.  Well, not all. The sultry Hannah (Gimpera), before being a toothy menace, was the king's mistress and he can't bare having his men drive a stake through her heart.  Instead, Hannah is sealed in a tomb with plenty of warning adorning it stating "DO NOT OPEN OR YOU WILL DIE." Warning signs are for the little people, though. Seven centuries later,  an archaeologist (Mariano Garcia Rey) finds the his misfortune. In a weird set of events, he ends up crushed to death underneath it, where he will spend the rest of the film. His grieving son Chris (Andrew Prine) arrives to collect his dad's body.  This won't be easy as his dad lays decomposing beneath Hannah's tomb.
Hannah feeds
In Chris' efforts to lift the tomb off of his unfortunate father, he unseals it. The islanders are horrified as they believe Hannah still lives as a vampire...and they are right.  Now loose, the exotic beauty not only grows fangs but can change into a wolf.  Slowly Chris begins to believe the legends about Hannah.  Our naive hero also falls for the ravishing Mary (Patty Shepard). The two then engage in pre-marital sex. Uh oh, the hypnotic queen of the vampires has many under her spell including a wild man (Ihsan Gedik). As she bites her way through the island's population, the wild man abducts Mary. Now Chris is a believer and seeks to destroy Hannah and save his precious damsel.  This won't be easy as everyone on the island is terrified to go near the tomb.  His only ally, Mary's brother Peter (Mark Damon), is actually a Satan worshiper seeking immortal life...don't you hate that?
Hannah roams
Will Peter save his new love Mary before either Hannah or her brother make her their bride? Will shapeshifter/ vampire Hannah make the same mistakes she made 700 years ago which allowed her to be entombed for centuries? Would we have enjoyed "Hannah and Her Sisters" more if the witty siblings had their throats ripped out by the undead? Low budget and many might say underwhelming, "Hannah, Queen of the Vampires" is a weird tale with a very creepy ending. Instead of witty comedies, enjoy a vampire tale with a touch of eroticism and forbidden love.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Monstrosity, Being a Woman in a Man's World

Why do women have to have brains? Couldn't they have been created with no brain? All we need them to do is traipse around in revealing lingerie, shut up, do amusing and alluring things sometimes, and serve man's every desire. This question and subsequent philosophy is explored in 1963's "Monstrosity" (aka "The Atomic Brain").
Anita, Bea, and Nina
Wealthy old hag Mrs. March (Marjorie Eaton) enlists the services of mad scientist Dr. Frank (Frank Gerstle). Frank is paid to put March's brain into the body of a 20 year old babe. Frank's experiments meet with mixed results. He steals the corpses of beautiful women from crypts and puts cat and dog brains in them. Even Dr. Frank can make it with a Victoria Secret's model if she had the brain of a golden retriever. Frank is ready, but he needs living beauties to make the transplant successful. On cue, three international beauties are summoned by March for 'domestic help." These ladies don't know one will be selected as the receptor of March's brain and the other two will be used and given to Frank for his amusement. The girls are studied by Mrs, March, after all, one will supply her with a perfect body.
Bea becomes Mrs. March's top choice
Anita (Lisa Lang) from Mexico is discarded immediately. During a strip search, March sees a blemish on her. Frank them puts a cat brain in Anita and her demise will be quite humiliating. March selects English beauty Nina (Erika Peters)...she's perfect. Bea (Judy Bamber)? Well the third beauty from Vienna will have to be eliminated.  Bea is the smartest of the trio and begins to figure out what is going on. Uh oh...beautiful Nina will have her eyes scratched out by the former Anita. Bea is now March's choice. Bea wants to live as Bea...not a grouchy old women and she tries to escape but March is always a few steps ahead of her.
Can anyone save Bea now?
There will be lots of cat-fights (literal and figurative). The three gals are classic damsels in much distress and will endure excruciating torture and humiliation. Can Bea, though out of her league, outsmart her tormentor, the evil Mrs. March and her mad scientist Dr. Frank? What of Dr. Frank's failed experiments which still walk around the mansion, including the living corpse (Margie Fisco) in a negligee? Is "Monstrosity" a thinly veiled metaphor for the misogyny that permeates western civilization? Directed by Joseph Mascelli, "Monstrosity" is a low-budget sexploitation horror flick that is infinitely more entertaining than the newest superhero bore-a-thon.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Dawn of the Mummy, Super Models vs. Mummy and his Zombie Army

A tall leggy, blonde super model rides into a zombie apocalypse on horseback attempting to save Egypt. I know what you're thinking...with all the recurring plots in today's stale films, why isn't this one of them? Skinny dipping beauties, zombies eating fashion models, gratuitous photo-shoots in tombs, and zombies eating brains all grace our film today, 1981's "Dawn of the Mummy."
Melinda and Lisa
Tomb raiders led by blond hunk Rick (George Peck) raid an Egyptian tomb in order to loot gold treasure. Of course, this is a typical tomb in Egypt as warnings adorn the walls threatening to kill anyone who steps foot in it. On cue, the Swedish Bikini, I mean a photo-shoot arrives with statuesque babes, and their photographer. What was a barren shoot in the desert now is a juicy one with hopes of shooting the girls with a mummy and tomb included. Gary (John Salvo) befriends Rick, and the girls start posing. Lisa (Brenda Siemer Scheider...Roy's wife) is the star model and she has a great smile and allure. Disrespecting the resting places of dead Egyptian princes never leads to happiness and soon the Mummy awakes with his army of flesh-eating zombies.
Lisa and severed head
As the zombie army begins their offensive they catch the sultry Melinda (Ellen Faison) skinny dipping. A short chase will result in her getting eaten...very sad. Commanding his undead army, our Mummy sets his sights on the other models, the tomb raiders, and the nearby village. As the beauties fall (...or get digested), Lisa man's up and grabs a horse and races to the village to save Egypt. A classic wedding scene will occur in which a groom barges in on his bride as she is being eaten.
Melinda about to be consumed
Will the ravishing Lisa save Egypt? Will Vogue or Elle publish the pictures of this shoot even though they depict violence against women? Is this film a metaphor for the misogynistic treatment of women by the patriarchal middle-eastern culture? Eyeballs will be gouged, brains will be ripped out of skulls, internal organs will be feasted on, all in good fun. Directed by Frank Agrama, "Dawn of the Mummy" is a zany mix of gory horror and exploitation.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Toxic Shark, Polluted Man-eater Devours Bikini Babes

In 1972 Jacques Cousteau frightened school children when he promised that by 1982 the oceans would be reduced to black goo unable to support life. 1982 came and went, and so did the grouchy oceanographer. A more scientific prediction for our oceans has been offered by Syfy's 2017 masterpiece, "Toxic Shark."
Eden and her two soon to be dead BFFs
A new resort on a Puerto Rico island where the Bodies by Reese Singles Resort has opened attracts great looking hunks and babes. Eden (Kabby Borders) and her two bikini clad friends (Christina Masterson and Christina Jayo) arrive to meet guys. We won't talk much about Eden's pals as both will die horrible fact, most of the bikini clad cast will die horribly in this one. Also arriving are Sam (Bryce Durfee) and his two hunk buddies. Uh oh, Sam and Eden are a former item and now hate each other. Also arriving is a 30 foot menacing shark that spits green acidic goo at hunks and babes who don't wander into the water.  Reese (Eric Etebari) got the island cheap because the water around it is infested with toxic waste.
The infected Audra dines on another bikini babe
The shark doesn't waste time and begins eating swimmers, staff, beach wanderers, surfers, and yoga classes.  As Eden and Sam realize they may still have a spark, oceanographer Eden figures out that the water is polluted.  Uh oh, the toxins in the shark's acidic goo eventually turn the hunks and babes into flesh-eating tourists.  As Eden and Sam try to save their pals, not a very successful endeavor, Eden's sultry pal Audra begins feasting on other bikini babes.  With a menacing shark in the surf and flesh-eating babes and hunks on land, all looks bleak for our bickering duo and a handful of survivors.
The toxic shark
Will the very shapely Eden and her ocean knowledge figure out a way to defeat the toothy menace and their former friends?  Are bikini clad zombies, eating other bikini babes the new erotic fad in today's horror films? I'm sure this will catch on among Japanese businessmen. Could Jacques Cousteau have learned a thing or two from the Syfy channel regarding messaging social causes to school children?  The actors and actresses look great and there is lots of beef and cheese in every shot of this film...even if much of it does get eaten.  Fans of Syfy original films will love "Toxic Shark," directed by Cole Sharpe.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

The Windmill, This isn't Hell, its Holland

I've been to The Netherlands! Beautiful and lots of Heineken. Yep, windmills too. Like any other tourist to this gorgeous country, I am not without sin. Who among us doesn't have a 12-18 months for breaking and entering story in our past? Or even better, a bout with homicide in which no witnesses can testify. No witnesses? There is always a witness. That is the problem for a bunch of tourists in 2016's "The Windmill."
Pretty Jennifer (Charlotte Beaumont) is on the run. This Aussie has fled to Amsterdam where she is an international fugitive for the murder of her dad and brother. Extenuating circumstances? There always are, but in this one is innocent. Dodging cops, she runs onto the Happy Holland Tour Bus, in which Abe (Bart Klever) will take her and several other tourists on a windmill tour. The others? A beautiful model (Fiona Hampton) who is running away from something awful, Jack (Ben Batt) who just murdered a prostitute, and several other who have all broken the 6th Commandment. Guess what! The bus breaks down in a remote area with an ancient windmill hovering in the distance.
The kills begin immediately and will be quite gory. The windmill is occupied by a centuries old demon who collects sinful souls to send to Hell. When it kills, it uses human blood to power the mill. One by one our tourists fall...or get dissected...or get pulled apart. Whatever death they caused, the unfortunate tourists will endure in their own demises.  Jennifer is eaten up with guilt and is looking for atonement...will this be enough to save her? Our demon miller is monstrous and unmerciful, and to make matters worse...he has help.
Will genuine guilt and the search for atonement save Jennifer and any of the other tourists? What is the backstory of the demon miller? Yeah, I know what you're saying..."...this doesn't sound too original and I've seen this plot before." I won't argue that, but again...the kills are quite gory, the acting is terrific, and the final scene will have you muttering, "Wow! I didn't see that coming." Directed by Nick Jongerius, "The Windmill" is a lot of fun and not for the squeamish. This film is available on Netflix.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Demon Inside, A Psychic Unraveling

We've all asked it, and it is a good question. If psychics were real, why aren't any winning the lottery? Why didn't any psychic become a millionaire after the Cubs won the World Series last year? These questions highlight our ignorance when it comes to those with this mysterious gift. Those of us without the ability to see beyond what our eyes show us are asking the wrong questions. Enough of this pseudo sermon, let us discuss 2013's "Demon Inside" (aka "Espectro"), a neat horror film from Mexico.
She is Mexico's most famous psychic. The beautiful Marta (Paz Vega) has the gift, or several gifts...or are they curses? She helps the souls of the dead find peace after their vicious deaths. She sees the future, too. She didn't see this one coming, though. Marta falls madly in love with the seemingly sweet and vulnerable hunk, Mario (Alfonso Herrera). What she didn't see almost kills her. Mario is a violent and sadistic rapist and in one graphic scene, pummels Marta and humiliates her sexually in a parking garage. Marta is sent to a mental asylum where she will emerge agoraphobic and the cops believe Mario, who will not be tried for rape.
Marta has a vision
Upon her release, Marta moves into a creepy apartment bent on eschewing all her psychic gifts...after all, she couldn't see what Mario had planned for her. Uh oh, the dead don't rest when Marta is around. A young girl, who may have died in her apartment reaches out for Marta. Marta is back on her game. Menacing, violent, nymphomaniac lesbian neighbors enter the plot...really! Slowly, using her gifts, Marta believes she has solved a murder, and one of the lesbian nymphs is not pleased that Marta is curious. Ghosts begin appearing, and visions of blood splattered walls permeate the second half of the film. But wait! Could Marta be wrong? And what of Mario? He is a handsome hunk, and listed second in the he going to make another appearance?
Marta and Mario
Exactly what is Marta seeing? Does her failing to see her fate with Mario portend her fate in this dark apartment? Can a movie be anything but worthwhile if it has lesbian, homicidal, nymphomaniacs in the plot? Available on Netflix and directed by Alfonso Pineda Ulloa, "Demon Inside" is a neat and very bloody horror/mystery.  Those of you who figure out the twists and exactly where this one is heading will still enjoy the creepiness of this film and allure of Paz Vega. Remember...the answers aren't worth much unless you know what the questions were. Enjoy!