Saturday, October 31, 2020

The Fifth Floor, Psychiatric Observation Nightmare

Don't kid yourselves. 1975's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" wasn't the film that changed mental health policy in this country. The wooden and over-rated performances garnered undeserved praise from fawning critics. The real culprit in changing policy was 1978's "The Fifth Floor" (Directed by Howard Avedis). For better or for worse, this drive-in exploitation/horror film opened more eyes than the dull Oscar winner. Federal and state legislation, coupled with lawsuits on behalf of the institutionalized, emptied many psyche wards...sadly, not always for the better.  

Sultry disco dancer, Kelly (Dianne Hull), is poisoned on the dance floor. The doctors insist she attempted suicide and institutionalize her in the fifth floor psychiatric ward for observation. No one believes Kelly, who insists she did not attempt suicide, rather she was poisoned. She is given a lot of therapy and mixed into the loony population. Robert Englund plays one of her fellow patient/inmates. Uh oh...Carl (Bo Hopkins) is a psyche-tech who desires to rape Kelly's brains out. Uh oh again, Julie Adams ("Creature from the Black Lagoon") is an unsympathetic nurse who keeps prescribing more treatment for Kelly. Not even Kelly's fiancé believes her innocence/sanity. Now Kelly is at the mercy of the sexual predator Carl and any meds or therapy the nurse deems necessary.

Kelly decides to fight back and attempt escape. Each time she meets with failure and ramped up therapy. As her fellow patients are given electro-shock therapy, we wonder when Kelly will be victim to it...or even worse...lobotomy. The sexual assaults by Carl continue and Melanie (Sharon Farrell), Kelly's bestie in the ward, will hang herself after Carl rapes her. The harder Kelly fights for freedom, the more extreme her punishment is. We'll see water torture, electro shock torture, and yes...even fry the brain torture. This film's popularity was realized at drive-in theaters  throughout the U.S. and spoke to a wider audience than the hoity and arrogant Jack Nicholson film.

What will be Kelly's fate...and can we say her institutionalization was indeed the death of disco? Will Bo Hopkins and Julie Adams experience the wrath of the so-called loonies on the fifth floor? For some controversial horror/exploitation that drive-in audiences flocked to, see "The Fifth Floor." It should be noted that government legislation, which changed mental health policy in the late 70s, early 80s, was written by a class of people who are psychopaths...our elected officials.      

Thursday, October 29, 2020

Arachnid, Icky Bitty Spider Tale

They don't get ickier than this one! Slimy insects that burrow into people and explode out. Big mutant spiders sucking blood out of other people. Giant centipede things that are actually snake/spider hybrid mutants. Beautiful damsels in much distress who sweat a lot. For spider horror films, they don't get more icky than 2001's "Arachnid," directed by Jack Sholder.

A fighter plane chases a UFO and both crash on a spider infested island. The alien and the pilot survive...but not for long. A huge spider does both of them in. An expedition is put together by Dr. Leon (Jose Sancho) and his hot assistant, Susana (Neus Asensi). She sweats a lot and wears tight halter tops. Also recruited is a grouchy but beautiful pilot, Loren (Alex Reid). Loren sweats a lot and is always losing her shirt. Lev (Chris Potter) is hired for security. The former marine has nice pecs and is always around when Loren loses her shirt. Susana sees this dynamic and plots an ultimate cat-fight with Loren. Something is biting natives on the island and Dr. Leon wants to know what. Bad news...its giant mutant spiders and by the time they get to the island...everyone is sucked dried.

The expedition is under attack as soon as they crash land on the island. Lev's security people, natives, and some of the expedition are caught in the webs and sucked dry to feed spider eggs. Tick like things invade, burrow into flesh and do their exploding out thing...very icky. Loren loses her shirt a few times as she becomes sweet on Lev and Susana also sweats nicely as she bounces through the jungle. Now the big spider decides the expedition crew would be perfect for its offspring to feed off  before hatching. This will result in unimaginable and horrific deaths for some great looking folks. Alas, Loren has personal reasons to be on this island, and her war with the giant mutant arachnid takes on a vengeful tone.

Will the sweaty Susana and the sweaty, shirtless Loren engage in that cat-fight before one of them becomes breakfast for spider babies? Will Lev find romance with the grouchy and shirtless Loren before the monster arachnids do? Just what is the secret of this island and its huge spider problem? This is one that will have the squeamish covering their eyes. For some nice spider horror, see "Arachnid."  

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

White Eagle, No One Leaves

You never leave the family! A threat/advice Don Corleone probably gave a thousand times. Yep...and a babe secret agent never just left the Doll Squad. A sultry Japanese superheroine doesn't 'just' leave The Danger Dolls. Nope! In a new short film (12 minutes) by my buddy Juan Diaz (aka Z Budget Director), he picks up on this theme. 2020's "White Eagle" tells the age old tale of a secret agent/assassin finding a new moral compass and attempting to 'leave an organization.'  

He's done. Yep, killing and blowing things up. Over the years, the line has blurred. Who are the good guys? Who are the bad? White Eagle (Juan Diaz) has a family. He wants to give his child a respectable name. No more killing. Alas, the White Queen (Jen Diaz) demands loyalty. No one leaves the one! Just like Easy Eddie...he wanted to give his son Butch a good name...he went honest. Unfortunately, Easy Eddie was cut in half by a spray of machine gun fire from Al Capone's henchmen. Is that in store for White Eagle?

If the Queen has it her way...yes. She dispatches White Eagle's best friends and fellow assassins. They're mission, terminate the suddenly noble ex-assassin. White Eagle's home is invaded by the most dangerous henchmen since ...well...since The Doll Squad...though these brutes aren't as sultry. These masked fiends led by White Tiger (Leonel Hyatt) will have the firepower and numbers. White Eagle has the desire for good...and a love for his family. Will that be enough to stave off certain death? White Centipede (Dale Thiel), White Scorpion (Nash Walter), and White Lion (Colin Marx) join White Tiger in this overpowering invasion of the abode of a bad man turned good.

Will White Eagle's attempt at retribution be rubbed out before it ever begins? Are the sins of White Eagle's past too numerous for him to ever live a noble life? Will Juan Diaz ever remake "The Doll Squad"? The themes are age old and pertinent to all of us who haven't led lives pure as the white driven snow. Juan Diaz captures the early 1970s grindhouse experience masterfully in "White Eagle." For some neat grindhouse/drive-in type action, see "White Eagle" on YouTube.

To view "White Eagle" on YouTube, click on this link White Eagle on YouTube

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

A Blade in the Dark, All Euro-Babes Die

 Being a sultry European beauty in an Italian horror film is demanding. Nude scenes. Pre-marital sex scenes. Lesbian love scenes. Death scenes...elongated death scenes, often in the nude. Today we look at a Lamberto Bava film, 1983's "A Blade in the Dark." There will be so many sultry Euro-babes in this film and they will all die quite horribly in elongated bloody scenes. The guys in this film? Clueless. SO sad, really. The Euro-babes here dress seductively, engage in carnal relations, sunbathe, and scream well...and yes...bleed well. 

Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti) arranges musical scores for horror films. He is hired by horror movie director, Sandra (Anny Papa). The beautiful moviemaker sends Bruno to a cavernous villa which is quite creepy to get him in the move to compose creepy music. He doesn't get much work done as right away Katia (Valeria Cavalli) pops out of the closet. She is a sultry Euro-babe and has a two-fold with Bruno and to find the mystery of the missing Linda. Bruno turns his head for a moment and a killer slices her pretty face and body to shreds and hides the body. Meanwhile, Sandra pays frequent visits and lets Bruno know she can't tell him the ending to her is a secret. Sultry model Angela (Fabiola Toledo) comes a calling next...looking for her roomie, Katia. Katia will give us a gratuitous nude scene and a nice swimsuit scene until meeting the goriest death of the film.

Bruno, still clueless, starts looking for the missing beauties. His girlfriend, Julia (Lara Lamberti) arrives. She is an actress with some mental issues...but she's really beautiful and is willing to engage in pre-marital sex, so Bruno overlooks that. Now as Bruno enjoys the moody Julia, he starts unraveling the mystery of the missing (dead) Katia and Angela, and realizes the end of Sandra's film may be the key to this macabre mystery. As more beauties die quite horribly, Bruno wastes a lot of time. The ending is twisted and fans of Giallo will have seen it coming. Still, it will involve more beauties dying in bloody fashion and Bruno moving to slow to save anyone.

Is there even the remotest possibility that Sandra or Julia will survive this film? Are there any frumpy, middle-aged women in Italy? What is the mystery ending of Sandra's film and might she be the knife wielding killer? The actresses are all stunning and they die well. For a misogynistic great time, see "A Blade in the Dark" and try to figure out why old Italian moviemakers get off on slicing up babes.

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Slumber Party Massacre II, Big Drills and Bikini Babes

A sequel to an iconic slasher film is a sure bet. Of course, ingredients like gore, bikini babes, and pre-marital sex ensure these sequels will have an audience. In the original "Slumber Party Massacre," babes in much peril, clad in lingerie, fell to a psycho killer...all except for two, that is. In the 1987 sequel, "Slumber Party Massacre II," the two surviving sisters are back...and so is the maniac who supposedly died in the first one. Bikinis are also are gratuitous pillow fights, pre-marital sex, and skewered boyfriends. Let us take a look at 1987's "Slumber Party Massacre II," directed by Deborah Brock.

Valerie (Cindy Eilbacher) and her little sister Courtney (Crystal Bernard) survived the massacre five years ago. Valerie is now a drooling lunatic in an insane asylum, and Courtney is a high school babe and part of an all-girl Rock 'n Roll band. Courtney is also going mad. She has a lot of nightmares which begin with her having steamy sex with her boyfriend, Matt (Patrick Lane), and end with her being beset by the driller killer (Atanis Ilitch). Oh yes, our resurrected killer is now a rockabilly rocker with a guitar that doubles as a big drill. Lead singer, Sheila (Juliette Cummins) invites her band mates to her dad's week-end condo. They all go...mistake. Crystal's dreams are now also daytime hallucinations of severed body parts and a lurking guitar wielding killer.

The babe band parties hard with music, booze, and striptease-pillow fights. The boys arrive. More horrific dreams and hallucinations carry over into the next day's bikini pool party. Now Matt arrives and he is sweet...the two will now get to have real pre-marital sex. Uh oh...the dream menace takes form and his big guitar-drill will disembowel drummer Sally (Heidi Kozak Haddad). Now the gals and their boyfriends are on the run from this singing rockabilly psycho. Most won't fare well, and the beautiful will die horribly. Courtney's bestie, Amy (Kimberly McArthur) will be hunted and beset in a heartbreaking and deliberate sad. The musical maniac obviously wants Courtney and not just for disemboweling. 

Do any of these bikini band babes have a shot at survival? Or their boyfriends? Is this slasher film a metaphor for the dangers Rock n' Roll pose for our vulnerable teenagers? Is watching scantily clad, or bikini clad young women taken apart by a psycho a weird morale boost to film audiences who have tired of main stream Hollywood's garbage? Say what you want about "Slumber Party Massacre II," but the great looking cast and extensive gore and pre-marital sex make this a must see, even though you won't tell anyone you saw and liked it. 

Friday, October 23, 2020

Who's Watching Oliver, Serial Killer with Mommy Issues

Nothing like bringing a sultry whore home, raping her, and then chopping her up into little pieces...if you're a serial killer, that is. Norman Bates in "Psycho" introduced us to a serial killer with mommy issues, but in today's high tech age, it may be easier for the psycho perverts to bring mommy along for the kills. Hence 2017's "Who's Watching Oliver," directed by Richie Moore. 

The killer may do the raping and carving up, but mommy is there yelling at the beautiful Asian whore in order to make her murder a most humiliating affair. In this twisted tale, Oliver (Russell Geoffrey Banks) has been sent to Bangkok by his mommy (Margaret Roche). Why? To kill filthy hussies...those damn whores! The big guy, who appears mentally challenged, prowls the nightclubs in Bangkok and finds prostitutes to bring home. Once back at his apartment, he gets his mom on the computer (Skype probably) and allows her to watch. This creeps out the women of the night, but when Oliver rapes them, beats them, and guts them while his mom yells, "Die whore...die!" well, that will creep them out more. His mom instructs him on how to rape...from the front or back, all the while yelling at the lady and calling her all sorts of nasty adjectives like "c**t."   

Mommy sends Oliver out to find girls and then enjoys the show when Oliver brings them home. The killings will be quite bloody. Then...yep...Oliver meets a sweet gal, Sophia (Sara Malakul Lane). She is so sweet and the two meet at an amusement park everyday and fall in love. Now Oliver is scared to tell his mom about Sophia as Mama will want him to gut Sophia. Uh oh again...indications are Sophia isn't the most mentally stable lass in Asia. She has issues...and is the product of a weird cult. Now Sophia goes on the offensive and stalks her new boyfriend. A potentially blood-soaked meeting may be brewing between Oliver, mommy, and Sophia. 

How will mommy react when she meets Sara, and will Oliver follow his mommy's instructions at that point? Is Oliver the one in danger, as women from cult's often have issues that can manifest in bloody carnage? Trust me on that one. This is a bloody and misogynistic gore-fest. For a perverted and hyped up version of the Norman Bates story...see "Who's Watching Oliver."

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Criminal Audition, Screen Test for Murder

Criminal justice systems throughout western civilization are increasingly corrupted. Billionaires and malcontents have figured out how to exploit them for their own selfish pursuits. In the name of civil rights, justice, and equality, the regular folks have been pushed aside and ordered not to question the inequality or abuse. These corrupted systems have attracted nefarious players who are adept at manipulating justice and the administration of it. Nefarious players beware! Fairness and justice may, themselves, wield a bloody hammer when attacked and perverted. Today we look at 2019's "Criminal Audition," directed by Samuel Gridley.

Ryan (Luke Kaile) and William (Rich Keeble) operate a firm which...well, stages crime scenes and manipulates the ensuing judicial proceedings. Rich people hire them to provide the criminal, who will be handsomely compensated for time in the slammer. Juries are tampered with so a first degree murder charge will be whittled away to a more manageable manslaughter, etc. As our film begins, three applicants have arrived at an abandoned theater for an audition. The three hopefuls want to be criminals and are willing to spend time in prison for an eventual big payday. Uh oh...someone else arrives at these auditions. A fantastically rich client, Ms. M (Noeleen Comiskey) and her assistant, Morris (Cameron Harris). These two are complete psychos...and will change the rules of the 'audition.'

As Ryan and William attempt to conduct their audition, M and Morris' interference introduce gore and carnage to the process. Now the three hopefuls realize they are auditioning for much more than a job. L (Rebecca Calienda) introduces a curve ball to the whole process. This lovely candidate, with a twisted backstory, catches the attraction of Ryan (who also has a twisted backstory). Torture, bloodshed and twists abound as M and Morris take over the 'casting call.' Betrayal is also added to the plot as we realize more than just the three criminal-hopefuls are in mortal danger.

Just who are these two mysterious clients, M and Morris...and what exactly do they expect their chosen criminal to undertake? Is there any way possible for Ryan's increasing crush on L to end sweetly? Twists abound and justice will be bloody. Agatha Christie would be proud as this horror thriller unfolds like one of her stage dramas...except, there is more blood in this one. For a horrific good time, and a wonderful metaphor for the dangers of a perverted justice system...see "Criminal Audition" (written by Samuel Gridley and Luke Kaile). 

Monday, October 19, 2020

Dead Mine, Horror from Indonesia

The mine might be dead...but not the fiends in it. We haven't done too many films from Indonesia in this blog, but this is a good one. However horrific the horror in an abandoned mine'll get worse...and worse. This modern horror tale of greed and mad-scientists will awaken a horrible time in Asian history...Japan's attempted conquest of Australia and Indonesia. Western horror may focus on Nazi terror, but we should remember, World War 2 was much more than Europe and America. Today we look at 2012's "Dead Mine," directed by Steven Shell.

Warren is on a mission to find a stash of gold hidden by Japanese troops on a remote Indonesian island during the war. With him is his sultry girlfriend, Su-Ling (Carmen Soo). She may appear to be useless to the plot, but she is gorgeous. Also along are an Indonesian army unit headed by Captain Prawa (Ario Bayu). Also there is a babe scientist, Rie (Miki Mizuno) and a commando to head security, Stanley (Sam Hazeldino). The team finds the mine as they come under attack from pirates and have to dive into it to avoid a barrage of gunfire. An explosion seals them in. Uh oh...something is also down mutants.

As the monster mutants beset the survivors, Warren is determined to find the gold. What they do find is that the mine they were in was used by the Japanese during the war to conduct human experimentation on POWs (Australians). The POWs were turned into monster mutants and now prowl the mine. Uh oh again...some of the Japanese officers are still alive 70 years after the war. Uh oh again...something else is still alive and on the prowl. As Warren and Su-Ling keep focused on the gold, commando Stanley and Rie use their heads to try to figure a way out of the mine. Things and fiends are angry and homicidal and many of the party will die horribly. As the secrets of the god-forsaken experiments are revealed, our team realizes what they are up against.

Will Rie and Stanley fall in love and engage in pre-marital sex as the Japanese experiments converge? Will the beautiful Su-Ling be captured by the mutants, who haven't seen a woman in 75 years? Will Warren's greed, or Stanley's heroics prevail as they battle monsters and try to escape? This is a good one and just when you think our team has met their doom...well, it gets worse for them. For a fascinating horror film from Indonesia, see "Dead Mine." 

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Hell Hunters, Hitler Spiders and Sultry Nazi Hunters

The sultry Maud Adams! Maud Adams in Rio...frolicking and hunting Nazis! What could be better. So sad, however, as the beautiful die so horribly in some of these movies. If Nazi atrocities don't get your blood boiling...well, it'll boil when they slit Maud Adams' sad. Never fear...we'll have plenty of more nude and skinny dipping Nazi Hunters...and for you gals, some sweaty and swarthy hunk Brazilian Nazi hunters. Hence we have 1987's "Hell Hunters" (aka "Rage to Kill") directed by Ernst Ritter von Theummer.

Fleeing Germany after the war, Nazi Martin (Stewart Granger) builds a medical compound in the jungle in Paraguay. He has perfected a serum from a weird spider. This serum will turn whole cities into Nazis if introduced in their water supplies...just go with it. Amanda (Adams) is a Nazi hunter and is onto Martin. Uh oh...Martin is a step ahead and has Amanda's throat cut. Amanda's cohorts are Tonio (Romulo Arantes)...he's a hunk, sweats a lot, and yells at people. Coupled with Tonio is the well built and tanned Nelia (Nelia J. Cozza). She likes firing machine guns, throwing grenades and has a deep fixation on the male sex organ...really. She'll be accosted and stripped a lot by Nazis, but she may actually like that.

Amanda's daughter, Ally (Candice Daly) comes to Rio for her mom's funeral. She's a blonde babe and will unwittingly get involved with the surviving Nazi hunters. Now Tonio reluctantly partners with her. After some initial bickering, the two will skinny dip and have passionate pre-marital sex. Nelia on the other hand will be pawed and stripped by attacking Nazis. Now Nelia, Tonio, and Ally recruit a husky American named Kong (Russ McCubbin). He'll also have sex with'll see. The four make their way up river for an assault on Martin's compound. This won't be easy...Martin's Nazis are waiting fore them and several want to rape Nelia.

As Ally and Tonio get close, in a carnal sense, will Nelia engage her in a catfight? If the spider serum is dumped into Los Angeles' water supply, will anyone notice? What will happen to the Bloods and Crips if they turn Nazi? This is an ambitious one with a lot of explosions, nudity, pre-marital sex, and skinny dipping. For some South American Nazi intrigue, see "Hell Hunters."  

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Vlog Worthy, Influencer-Snuff might have 100,000 hits on their latest Vlog. Yep, maybe a million subscribers. Oh, sure...make-up companies or jewelry companies might make you an official spokesperson. Still...who cares? In your own mind you believe you really have the ability to influence. What you really have is a pretty face and the ability to be tortured and humiliated. Hence 2017's "Vlog Worthy," directed by Benjamin Shea.
As our film begins, an underwear clad babe (Veronica Reed) is bound and being tortured and murdered with razor-blades. This murder is being filmed and uploaded by a masked psycho, Melissa (Katalin Otter). Meanwhile, an aspiring actress, Des (Kassandra Escandell) is getting no leads. She is trying to prop up her Vlog which sells her homemade jewelry. By chance, she meets Melissa who purports to be a digital marketing consultant. Melissa tells Des that she can help her increase her Vlog traffic, sales, and exposure. Des bites...bad move. Immediately Melissa puts eroticism into the Vlog. Des hesitantly agrees to bikini, undergarment, and other alluring content. The traffic increases and Melissa takes charge.
With a stun gun and other torture techniques, Des is subject to carnage. Melissa forces Des to do her own piercings and break up with her boyfriend. Now Melissa turns the Vlog into torture porn and invites her buddy Josh (Amery Thao) to do the technical side of it. As you might guess, Des' Vlog sees a dramatic increase in hits and subscribers. With Melissa, seemingly, in total control, the Vlog will get bloodier and more humiliating. Uh oh...we find out who Melissa really is and this won't bode well for Des' future.
Does Des have a chance of escape? Does Melissa plan any porn before finishing off her most recent prey? Will the increased online traffic yield increased sales to Des' overpriced monstrosities...I mean jewelry? This mini-torture porn film will get quite bloody and might serve as a great warning to all of you wannabe influencers. For some fresh perspective on Vlogs and influencing, see "Vlog Worthy" (aka "Vlogworthy"). 

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Intrusion: Disconnected, When Victims Turn Psycho

The beautiful Dr. Laura Braden (Tiffany Shepis) has a big problem. If she's right...she could be in mortal danger. Also, if she's wrong, she could be in mortal danger. What unfolds before our eyes in 2020's "Intrusion: Disconnected" (directed by Kyle Cates) is American Giallo...and you know what that means...the beautiful will die so horribly. The body count will approach 10,000 (slight embellishment) and all the murders will dump gallons of blood on us. Still, we pull for the beautiful even if that means enabling a psycho.

Dr. Laura's is Holly's shrink. Holly (Katie Stewart) needs one...but why? We believe, probably because Holly is a babe, that she is recovering and has PTSD issues relating to the murder of all her friends by a psycho. Dr. Laura may know more...and as the movie progresses, we may believe we know more, as well. If you saw the first "Intrusion" film, a stupid telephone prank connects the beautiful Holly to a psychopath. Ray (Lee Haycraft) finds Holly and sets on a twisted path of vengeance that has him slicing up all Holly's friends. As this film begins, Ray apparently rises from the dead and sets out to continue his terror campaign on the nubile lass. 

Holly isn't well. She talks to her dead boyfriend's ghost and shuns Dr. Laura's advice and meds. She's a wreck and can't get the image of Ray and his carnage out of her head. Ray moves in and begins slicing up more of holly's friends. The murders are brutal, bloody, and in some cases taboo. Still, the makers of this film ramp up the horror and go with shock over playful fun. Uh there more going on that meets the eye? Is Holly all there mentally...or is she now a psycho. Guilt, PTSD, and fear propel Holly in the second half of "Intrusion: Disconnected," and we wonder if Holly's family or friends should fear Ray...or Holly. What unfolds in the last 40 minutes will be shocking, gory, and quite twisted. Just like Giallo films from Italy, our nubile and helpless damsel is revealed to be much more than a wallflower.

Will the beautiful Tiffany Shepis survive her latest patient? Will Katie prove to be a heroic 'final girl' or the subject of the next psycho-killer film? Katie Stewart is amazing and the transitions she will have to perform in this film are miraculous. We can see her as a damsel...or something more evil, and this helps out with the mystery that unfolds before us. For a shocking, heartbreaking, and gory slasher film, see "Intrusion: Disconnected." If you are a fan of 1970s Giallo (Italian horror), this is a must see.

Friday, October 9, 2020

Pumpkins, Monster Pumpkin Man on Rampage

Anything featuring sultry actress Dani Thompson is going to be terrific. In this one she will play a beautiful, shotgun wielding barmaid...yes!!! Is there any more perfect character in modern fiction? Okay, there's more...a monster specter with a pumpkin head that spits acid and wields a hatchet. Almost as perfect as a sultry barmaid with a weapon, and these two ingredients combine to give us a perfect film for Halloween. Today we look at 2018's "Pumpkins," directed by Maria Lee Metheringham.

A crazy old uncle (Terry Woods) loves his pumpkins...and they love him. When two thugs trespass onto his farm and deface his lovely pumpkins, the shock kills the old man. His pumpkins embrace his corpse and resurrect him as a seven foot tall monster with an eerie pumpkin head. He'll kill the two thugs with an acid spit and a knife. Then he'll hit the woods and kill two great looking campers engaging in pre-marital sex. The resurrected uncle is still protecting his land and his lovely niece (Maria Lee Metheringham) is enabling him. Uh oh...a group of great looking teens have entered the woods to learn survival skills. They will learn dying skills, thanks to evil pumpkins with teeth and a hatchet.

The pretty Jen (Iona Mckeown), Macie (Georgia Annable), and hunk Tommy (Craig Edwards) will end up on the run as their counselors are butchered. We hope at least one will survive as they are some great looking teens. Uh oh...a pub in town will soon be beset by the pumpkin-monster. Pam (Thompson), the sultry barmaid, will grab a shotgun and the drunk patrons will do a pathetic job at fighting this homicidal pumpkin phenomenon. One by one the patrons will be knifed or axed. Now the great looking teens, or what is left of them, find their way to the pub...and our fiend is waiting.

Okay, our attachment to the teens is shallow, but will the sultry Pam, clad in a tight red sweater, survive the rampage? If Pam does survive, will there be a series of graphic novels in which Pam hunts pumpkin-man and his beautiful and armed niece? Can we rent out pumpkin-man and send him into America's fraternities and sororities? This is a fun one and is perfect for your Halloween movie list. For some wonderful slasher action, some nice cheesecake and beefcake, see "Pumpkins."

Monday, October 5, 2020

Supercroc, Army Babe vs. Monster Croc

Leave it to The Asylum to give us fun monster movies. There has never been a bad film about crocodiles, and 2007's "Supercroc" (directed by Scott Harper) is no exception. Sure, the haters of made for Syfy TV movies will find some reason to poo-poo this effort, still, giant reptile things attacking Los Angeles is pure poetry. I admit, this plotline isn't as grandeur as a stewardess tackling a monster croc ("Crocodile 2: Death Swamp"), still, the army babe that will wage war against the monster is rather attractive...more attractive than General Colin Powell, and more competent.
An army unit is in the California wilderness searching for something big. Something big finds them first and eats most of the army unit. Private Perez (Cynthia Rose Hall) is sad because everyone in her unit has become a snack for a 100 foot crocodile, including her husband-to-be. The behemoth will chase her, but she climbs a tree. The army sends another unit to rescue the eaten one. That unit will be eaten...except for Captain Lynch (Matt Blashaw). Lynch will find Perez and together the duo will try to make it out of the crocodile's path. Even though Perez cries a lot, she has caught a break. Captain Lynch is more of a man than her dead fiancé was...and probably has more earning power.
As our good looking army duo flees the monster, Army command and control try to kill the thing. Bombs and gas don't work and an evil scientist, Leah (Kim Little), wants to collect the croc eggs, breed them, and set them loose on the enemy. This is a far better plan than anything Colin Powell ever came up with. Now the croc-monster is headed to L.A. and Lynch and Perez are too. Perez wants revenge for the eating of her dweeb fiancé...and Lynch...well...wants a shower and a drink. As L.A. panics and is eaten, Perez has a plan, and Lynch may have one too...though he must be careful of the military's fraternization rules.
Will Private Perez shed her baggy camouflages and don a skin tight camouflaged cat-suit? Hey, why not?! Will Lynch properly assess just how fond Perez was of her recently eaten fiancé? Will the babe scientist, Leah, find a six-figure job with a big defense contractor? Flawed, yes...but a lot less flawed than any of those stupid superhero films of the past 15 years. For some Syfy type fun, enjoy "Supercroc." 

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Bunni, Bumblebee vs. Dominatrix

What if Hugh Heffner had a fetish for bumblebees instead of bunnies? This film may answer that question as Mercedez Varble will play the most alluring bee you have ever seen. When the hatchet-wielding bunny chases after her, it is certain that the bee blows away the psycho-hare. Weird, brutal, and full of twists, 2013's "Bunni" (directed by Daniel Benedict) will throw much gore, pre-marital sex, and disembowelment at you.
Paige (Varble), is a sultry young lady who dons a cleavage flattering bumblebee costume. Her boyfriend, Chris (Kent Blue) will don a turtle outfit. They will meet up with Rick (Benedict) who screws anything with a vagina, and his date, the horribly mistreated Ashley (Sara Ammons). Uh oh, Rick has promised to screw Nikki (Sabrina Hulsman). When Nikki finds out Rick is going to a party with Ashley, she heads over there herself. The party won't last long as Rick gets the quartet thrown out. Leaving the party, they stumble upon a closed down lingerie/Halloween shop. The quartet breaks into the building and decide to party there. Not a good idea, as someone is living in there.
Rick will quickly demand a blowjob from Ashley...she'll comply. Poor Rick, whoever is living in there will castrate him and shove his tally-whacker down his throat. Now a slasher is stalking the partygoers and Nikki arrives. More fodder for the killer. The killer appears as a dominatrix with a mask and bunny ears. Who is this slasher? The answer may be revealed in a backstory that is bloody and twisted. The murders will be very gory and as much as we want Ashley to survive, her demise will be heartbreaking...and bloody, of course. Uh oh, again...the killer has special plans for Paige the bumblebee. As the leather clad dominatrix, with whip and hatchet, inflicts carnage, Paige will have the opportunity to fight back with other sharp objects.
Just who is this vicious dominatrix and what does she want with Paige? Is the bunny-dominatrix just sore that Paige has better cleavage than her? Is there anyone out there with a fetish for bumblebees? Gory and erotic, "Bunni" is a fine slasher film with a violent and twisted backstory. Perhaps a C grade horror film, the actors, actresses, and director do a fine job. See "Bunni" and get your fill of gore and cleavage.

Thursday, October 1, 2020

High Moon, Werewolf Biker Gang

A werewolf biker gang versus a gunfighter? Wait, it gets better. A sultry brunette who just happens to have a lot of guns and silver bullets...interested? Wait, there's more. A hunk gunfighter, a hunk sheriff, a hunk mayor, and the irrelevant babe who loves them...poetry. Muscle cars, crossbows, gunfights, and an irrelevant babe who apologizes a lot. Okay, enough of the irrelevant babe...though she is pretty hot. Now...I know what you are thinking...will the irrelevant babe who keeps apologizing get in a cat-fight with the babe who has guns and silver bullets? See...I know you. Let us take a look at 2019's "High Moon" (aka "Howlers") directed by Josh Ridgway.
In 1863, Colt (Chad Michael Collins), a hunk gunfighter, egged on by a ninja spirit, tangles with a werewolf outlaw gang headed by Price (Tom Zembrod). They all die! Present day, don't ask why, they all bust out of their coffins...alive again. Colt is taken in by a sultry widow, Lucy (Chelsea Edmundson). She just happens to have muscle cars and guns with silver bullets...why. you ask...don't ask. The werewolf gang meets up with a biker gang...they disembowel the bikers and steal their bikes. With corpses piling up, Sheriff Hardy (Matthew Tompkins) is on the case. He's sad because his sultry wife, Karen (April Hartman) is screwing the mayor (Sean Patrick Flanery). She is sorry and apologizes...Hardy remains pissed. Karen shouldn't apologize...the mayor is more of a man than Hardy is.
Okay, the biker gang goes through Hardy's town like crap through a goose. Hardy remains sad, as Karen keeps apologizing, and now Lucy is teaching Colt to drive muscle cars. The werewolf bikers decimate the sheriff's department and now set their sights on Colt. Colt, with his new guns, sets his sights on the werewolves. A showdown is brewing at the mayor's estate...a showdown featuring the werewolves versus Colt, the armed babe Lucy, Karen who will keep apologizing, and the feuding Hardy and mayor...oh yes...two strippers from the Pussy Palace...did I mention them? No...well, you'll see what happens to them. With everyone mad, falling in love, or apologizing, the werewolves converge and the ending will be quite surprising and...well, interesting.
Will someone just accept Karen's apology and have either marital or extra-marital sex with her? Will Lucy our gun babe teach Colt anything else other than how to drive muscle cars? Will Colt be able to protect his new love from the werewolf horde? This is a satisfying one and Lucy's character is a good one...the stuff good graphic novels are made up of. For some great cheesecake, beefcake, cheesy werewolf effects, and a few too many apologies, see "High Moon."