Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Poseidon Rex, Cleavage vs. The Monster

A Minnesota Viking cheerleader with two impressive implants, a modest cleavage buff, frequently soaked in a revealing bikini, firing machine guns and rocket launchers. Oh yes, she also has a penchant for wild  pre-marital sex and drives fast boats. Yep, its Anne McDaniels as a sultry marine biologist, studying jellyfish, and battling a prehistoric behemoth in 2013's "Poseidon Rex."
Okay, as we begin, hunk treasure hunter Jackson (Brian Krause, who sports nice pecs and a five o'clock shadow) and his two soon-to-be eaten cohorts are held at gunpoint by a drug gang on a boat off the coast of Beliz. The thugs want Jackson to bring them up treasure, or they will kill them. The trio dives and sets of explosives to free the treasure. But guess what is unearthed...yep...a vicious dinosaur monster, sort of a T-Rex from the sea. It eats Jackson's friends and surfaces and eats the boat with all the thugs on it. Enter Sarah (Anne McDaniels) and her skimpy red bikini, two implants and cleavage buff.  She's a marine biologist, of course, studying jellyfish. Dripping wet she tantalizes the camera with some gratuitous shots of her implants. Also enter hunk Rod (Steven Helmkemp, you gals are gonna like him a lot) and his GF Jane (Candice Nunes) Jane wears a red bikini nicely, but sometimes there is only room enough for one babe...thus Jane will be chewed up and die, still wearing that bikini we won't mention her again.
Okay, back to the plot. Rod and Jane go snorkeling and find Jackson floating. They bring him back to Sarah's hotel room (don't ask) and the three nurse him back to health. Now, with the exception of Jane (who will die horribly), all go out and look for the treasure. They don't find it but do find dinosaur eggs at the ocean floor and the Poseidon Rex creature now chases them. The fiend will eat all the other drug gang members, the Beliz Coast Guard, Jane, a lot more bikini babes and hunks, and pursues Rod, Sarah, and Jackson. Sarah and her implants will have passionate pre-marital sex with Jackson and Rod will emerge as a fifth-wheel, can you guess his fate? Armed with rocket launchers, machine guns, pistols and implants, Sarah and Jackson take the fight to Poseidon Rex.
Will Sarah, her implants, cleavage buff, and rocket launchers be able to quell Poseidon Rex? Is Sarah's choice of Jackson over Rod for pre-marital sex an omen for Rod's vicious fate?  Will the Chicago Bears cheerleaders counter and make a film about large, amorous ape that takes a liking to a cheerleader sporting implants and a shinier cleavage buff? Gratuitous and cheesy to the max, "Poseidon Rex" will throw so much cheesecake and beefcake at you that you will want to watch this several times. By the way, the creature effects are pretty good...but you may not notice.

1 comment:

  1. I'm gunna have to watch my diet and cut out beafcakes and cheesecakes, my colesteral levels are rising, and high blood pressure isn't far away, lovely descriptions of Silicon, shame Viagra didn't get a mention.