Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Bull Shark, Go Shark!

Mallory Hargrove is a lovely young actress.  The beauty may be considered to be the best part of 2022's "Bull Shark."  Sadly, as a bikini-babe in a shark film, her role is a small one.  Nubile bikini babes in the surf just don't fare well in these types of movies.  Her demise leaves us with a slate of really annoying characters, including a coroner with an annoying eating disorder.  Still, 2022's "Bull Shark," directed by Brett Bentman is a likable film and perhaps the best metaphor we have for the Russo-Ukrainian Police Action occurring now.

Through no fault of its own, a bull shark...or a family of bull sharks (don't ask), gets released in a large Texas lake.  The aforementioned bikini-babe will be the first to be eaten.  Enter a badly alcoholic game warden, Spencer (Thom Hallum).  We'll meet his wife, Dottie (Lindsey Marie Wilson) later and understand why he is two sheets to the wind most of the time.  Spencer chats with the really annoying coroner (Tiffany McDonald) and we are forced to watch her eat pork rinds...after this, we pray for her gruesome demise.  Anyway, the sheriff (Derrick Redford) wants to get re-elected and will not close the lake...he'll be eaten.  

After conversing with a scientist, Spencer figures out a bunch of bull sharks are now living in his lake.  With the help of a redneck, Nolan (Billy Blair), who wears a Macho Man Randy Savage T-shirt, he arms himself with guns, a thermos, his ex-wife, and C4 explosive to go hunt the shark.  Of course, the sharks eat...well...unfortunately they don't eat the coroner as we have to watch her eat an apple.  Say what you want about the shark, but we the viewer really want to slap the coroner silly.  Back to the shark... perhaps its penchant for eating bikini-babes is merely nature's metaphor for what Hollywood does to young actresses, today.

Will any bikini-babe survive this film?  Will someone put the digestively challenged coroner out of her misery?  Will Spencer be fortunate enough to find a replacement for his judgmental wife?  You'll be cheering for the shark in this one, but that's okay.  Don't wait for Shark Week on Discovery, see "Bull Shark" tonight.    

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