Sunday, February 27, 2022

Curse of Pirate Death, Buccaneer Ghost Shreds Hunks and Babes

Julia Galasso is an amazing actress.  Her bikini-shoot scene relegates all the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models to Third Class spinsters.  The leopard print string-bikini speaks to us as she thrusts her hips, juts her chest...and pouts.  Sadly, what comes next is an excruciating death scene for the beauty in which a monster pirate's hand is thrust through her sultry blonde head and out her mouth.  Still, her performance is classic and representative of the entire 2006 film "Curse of Pirate Death," directed by Dennis Devine.

Hundreds of years ago, Abraham LaVoy, also known as Pirate Death (Mitch Toles) takes over a peaceful coastal colony from merchants and farmers.  Him and his pirates will slaughter most of the townsfolk as Pirate Death will bury his treasure in that town.  He'll fall in love with a nubile lass, be cursed by a witch, and betrayed and murdered by his greedy crew. Fast forward a few centuries, Professor Blackheart (Sally Mullins) teaches her history class about the pirates and Pirate Death.  She enjoys lesbian foot and tickle  fetishes with large breasted coeds.  In fairness, slimy guy professors enjoy groping her breasts to see if they are real.  During a bikini party at her pool, she tasks her babe and hunk students to research and find the treasure.

Sadly, the treasure is cursed.  Anyone who gets near it suffers the wrath of Pirate Death.  Two BDSM influenced sorority gals will be shredded by the monster's hook.  Others will be skewered by Death's sword.  Throats will be ripped out, coeds will tangle in catfights, beautiful faces will be ripped off, and swimsuit shoots will end in bloody carnage.  Wait!  One of the students, Lily (Dana Marsh), a nubile blonde in a bikini, is the reincarnation of Death's fiancé and the fiend wants her back.  Now all of Lily's friends, hunk and bikini-babe, are in mortal danger as Lily is drawn into a trance in which she becomes her unfortunate descendant. 

What ever happened to Miss Galasso, and why wasn't she given the role as a cat-suited superhero in her own show (maybe she refused to sleep with Harvey Weinstein)?  Will any of the bikini babes survive Pirate Death or catfights with one another?  Will any of the hunks in this film do anything worthwhile? Gore, cheese, beef, and Julia Galasso in a bikini...all fabulous reasons to see "Curse of Pirate Death."

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