Friday, January 3, 2020

Killer Bigfoot, Beast vs. Woman

A nubile lass in much peril...but from who? Or what? We have a good one today and I do not want to hear from those of you who disagree! If "O Brother Where Art Thou?" can gain a 7.7/10 rating on IMDB...then we can consider 2009's "Killer Bigfoot" a masterpiece. We'll have a sultry lass battling a femme-Goth (this will be a nice cat-fight), hillbilly rapists, more rapists, Bigfoot creatures, and...well, you'll see.
The governor's daughter Barbara (Anna Kendrick) has a fawning beau, Kurtis (Stephen Sherman). Kurtis is a dweeb and we shall ignore his presence in this film. After a nice cat-fight in which Barbara smears birthday cake all over Veronica the Goth (Vera VanGuard), she sets out camping with all her chums. Camping, that is, into bigfoot infested woods. Bigfoot, who we met earlier when he shredded two great looking campers having pre-marital sex, goes through Barbara's pals like crap through a goose. She gets away and runs right into the hands of two hillbillies right out of "Deliverance." They want to rape her but she beats them up and continues running. They follow...and so does our hairy friend.
Yep the rapists catch up to Barbara...and yep, the bigfoot catches up to the rapists, and once again Barbara is on the run  again. Run Brabara, run! Lucky for her she meets a hunter who brings her to safety...not! Nope, he's not a hunter, he's a sex crazed misogynist creep, Kyle (Don Evans). Kyle has plans for Barbara, and once again she is on the run again through the woods...but Kyle is in hot pursuit with a crossbow and a high-powered rifle...and guess who else is in hot pursuit. Uh oh...Kyle has some surprises and this won't bode well for the nubile damsel in much distress. As freaks of humanity and freaks of nature...and Barbara all head to a decisive showdown, the arrows, hair, and sex appeal will all go flying.
Why does everyone, and everything want to tear Barbara apart or rape her? Could Barbara have benefited from a good text on leadership and communication...or animal husbandry? Just what is Kyle's relationship to this cryptozoological monster? This is an ambitious plot in which nothing is off the table, including cat-fights with Goth-women. For some real fury fun, see "Killer Bigfoot" (aka Fear the Forest"), directed by Matthew Bora.

1 comment:

  1. Great start to the new year. I'm sure there are some babes in distress, but who can really help them?