Saturday, July 23, 2022

Shark Huntress, Plastic Men and Their Mushrooms this film receives a cumulative rating average of 1.6/10 rating.  The quiche eaters who do reviews for IMDb have struck again.  Ratings be damned, I set out to watch 2021's "Shark Huntress," directed by John Riggins (not the football player).  I admit, my disappointment was immediate.  I saw the title and I was expecting a bikini clad Tanya Roberts or Laurene Landon clutching a spear gun.  Well, there is a spear gun in this film...a very underused spear gun I might add.

As the film opens, Amanda (Olga Andrievskaya) wanders into the surf and is immediately chewed up by a great white.  We're glad...she had a face that we just didn't like.  Her daughter, Sheila (Katrina Grey) is called to this island and will eventually identify her mom's corpse.  By the way, the coroner gives the mom a private room at the morgue...really.  We meet Sheila and instantly want her to die horribly...just something about her.  She hooks up with her mom's team...a band of eco-warriors fighting plastic.  Guru (John Flano), a bearded wonder, who we desire to die horribly, picks her up at the airport and brings her to a commune type hotel room where they will all sleep on the bed together.  We'll also meet Pam (Eve Cerda), her old boyfriend Dean (Dean Alexandrou), and Luca (Russell Geoffrey Banks).  Yep, we will all desire their bloody demise soon after they utter their first lines.

The shark eats a sultry kayak lady.  The team talks about plastic and littering.  Guru just won't shut up and now we're praying for Putin to send his army in and annihilate them.  Sheila buys a spear nice if she would use it.  Sheila and Dean will take SCUBA lessons...they'll learn to breathe nice if they actually went SCUBA diving.  The shark will eat more people...oh well.  Oh yes...poison mushrooms are found.  You'd think they would be looking for the shark that ate Sheila's mom.  Sheila swears she will find the shark and kill it...but first, they need to clean the plastic bottles off the beaches.  The shark waits for Sheila and her team just three feet off shore.  Sheila caresses her spear gun and yells at people.

I know...but hey...I liked this movie.  Will Sheila ever begin her search for the shark that ate her mother?  Will plastic straws thrown in the water kill the shark for her?  Will a Jason like psycho killer wander into the plot and chop Guru and friends into tiny bits and use them for chum?  Still a better film than "Jupiter Ascending,"  "Shark Huntress" may be the impetus for resurrecting MST3K.   

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