Thursday, July 21, 2022

Petrified, Mummy vs. Nymphomaniacs

Is there a better setting for a horror film than a clinic for nymphomaniac babes?  No!!!  What a line delivered by the babe nympho Marta (Kathryn Adams), "I've been muff diving on an old hag."  Yep, only babe nymphos in this the steamy sex is between babes, for the most part.  Throw in a slimy mummy, federal agents, a quest for eternal youth, and a lot of lipstick lesbianism.  Thanks to Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment, we will look at 2006's "Petrified."

There is a lot here. An undercover operation goes bad.  Federal agent Buzz (Roark Critchlow) does get away with a severed mummy hand as the bad guys shoot at him.  The two bad guys are then petrified by a mummy that is re-animated when human blood drips on it .  Buzz, thinking the bad guys are pursuing him,  ducks into the first unlocked door he comes to, a clinic for nymphomaniac babes run by mad scientist Dr. Von Gelder (Ozman Sirgood).  The mummy follows, wanting its hand back.  Two sultry nymphos wander out of the clinic and begin steamy sad, the mummy interrupts and petrifies them.  Now Buzz is inside, not knowing about the mummy yet.  He'll meet Helen (Jessica Lancaster) who is there trying to spring her nympho sister Suzy (Kimberly Dawn Guerrero).  She believes the mad scientist is experimenting on the babes.

The mummy enters and finds Cory (Dana Lastrilla) and Marta (Adams) rolling around in bed.  He'll chase them and now every nympho in the place is in danger.  Enter Von Gelder.  He believes pheromones and chemicals in nymphomaniacs are the key to eternal life.  In fact, the sultry Asian nympho turns out to be 61 years old, to Marta's disgust.  Now Suzy and Helen glob onto Buzz as the mummy and its now re-animated hand are on the prowl.  Sultry nymphos in the throes of sexual satisfaction will die horribly but the mummy's hand...or eyes, you'll see.  Helen gets sweet on Buzz and Suzy looks to screw anyone moving.  

Will the mummy end up doing anything to any of the nymphomaniacs other than petrifying them with his eyes?  After her muff-diving of the 61 year old Asian babe (who looks 25). will Marta gargle with Listerine?  Will non-nymphomaniac Helen turn into a nympho in order to land Buzz?  This is a prurient one in which so many sultry damsels will be in so much danger.  For a fun romp into nymphomania and archaeology, see "Petrified."

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