Monday, April 18, 2022

You Can't Kill Stephen King, Not Even if You're a Bikini Babe

A good slasher film needs a good (a few actually) bikini babes.  Rest assured...we have them in today's feature.  A special thanks go out to my buddy Bob Madia, one of the writers of this horror/comedy.  Without his prodding, I may never have discovered this gory laugh-fest.  Brutal killings, bikini babes jiggling, and some outrageous characters...who you probably will recognize from your own life.  After all, who doesn't have a creepy pervert in our circle of friends.  Actually, I'd say many of us could use some more sultry bikini babes in those circles...but that's just me.  Today we look at "You Can't Kill Stephen King," a 2012 film directed by Ronnie Khalil, Monroe Mann, and Jorge Valdes-Iga.

Our film begins with the brutal killing of a scantily clad screaming babe (Vanessa Leigh).  "The King's Speech" needed this opening to qualify as a decent film.  Anyway, Three hunks, the proverbial black guy Lamont (Justin Brown), the PTSD ridden war vet Monroe (Mann), and creepy pervert Ronnie (Khalil) are driving to a Maine lake house with three bikini babes, the slut Nicole (Kayle Blogna), the potential final girl Lori (Kate Costello), and Monroe's grouchy sister Hillary (Crystal Arnette).  Their goal is to get a glimpse of Stephen King's lakeside house.  The sextet seems to have an unhealthy obsession with the horror writer.

You Stephen King fans will recognize much of the dialogue and quotes which pay homage to King's novels. Wouldn't you know it, the town is filled with a creepy population.  The waitress in the restaurant, the sheriff, the boat rental guy, the gas station attendant...everyone!  The hunks and babes bicker as Ronnie makes perverted moves toward Nicole.  Meanwhile Lori tries to rekindle a past relationship with PTSD ridden Monroe and Hillary yells at everyone.  The gals give us gratuitous bikini scenes, there will be a shower, water skiing, swimming, running for their lives, and frolicking.  Uh by one, some slasher takes offense to the sextet being in Maine and starts offing them.  Now the great looking 20 somethings will try to stay alive, try to figure out who the killer is, and try to figure out a way to capture him...or her.  All the while, our bikini babes put on quite the impressive show.

What is it with Maine where the entire population fits the mold of the creepy gas station attendant in classic slasher films?  Are any of these bikini gals too wholesome to be slashed by a maniacal killer?  Is Stephen King, at least in part, responsible for the murders you will see in this film?  Fun and gory...and scary, too, "You Can't Kill Stephen King" is a wonderful horror/comedy that succeeds as both a slasher film and a comedy.  Thanks again to Bob Madia for recommending this one.        

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