Mystic Mountain, Sorority Girls Mistaken as Virginal Sacrifices

Ah, sorority girls.  Not vestal virgins, but behemoth druids may not care.  Today we look at what is possibly the best film ever made.  Often nude and often in the shower, sometimes together, sorority babes will be put in much peril.  Today we look at 1991's "Mystic Mountain" (aka "Camp Fear") directed by Thomas Edward Keith.  There will be nude sorority babes, gratuitous shower scenes, a big sea monster that eats biker gang members, a giant druid, and Vincent Van Patten as an anthropology professor.

Okay, we first meet our sorority babes.  In the best five minutes ever to open a movie, they are all nude.  Some are taking showers together.  They stay nude as they come down for breakfast or take more showers.  Let us jump ahead.  Sorority sister Jamie (Betsy Russell) is dating and having lots of pre-marital sex with her anthropology professor, Professor Hamilton (Van Patten).  Three other sorority babes, often nude or in lingerie, will join them on a camping trip to find Indian artifacts on Mystic Mountain. Melissa (Mindy Myer) is a computer babe.  Tiffany (Peggy McIntaggart) is all slut and goes on the trip in white satin lingerie. Then, Jamie, who will get a lot of pre-marital sex from her professor on this outing.  

Okay, skipping a lot, I should say a biker gang is hot on their tails.  The gang wants to rape the four girls. An Indian medicine man (Jim Elk) warns the girls and the professor of the evil that exists on Mystic Mountain.  Then the plot gets crazy.  A big sea monster starts eating biker dudes.  A 10-foot tall druid kidnaps the four girls and preps them for virginal sacrifice.  Now the professor must rescue the four babes but the biker gang survivors are after him.  The sea monster will continue to be menacing and the druid will menace the gals.  The sorority babes wonder why the druid thinks they are virgins.  Nothing about these four babes says "virgin."  Though...who knows?  We mustn't be judgmental. Perhaps they identify as virgins. 

Do any of these four babes have a prayer of surviving to the end credits?  What happens when the gods realize the four vestal virgins are hardly virgins?  Are there any homely women in college sororities?  The cheese factor in this film is off the chart.  The gratuitous shower scenes and other gratuitous nudity are maximized by Mr. Keith.  There will be a lot of jiggling, screaming, and babes in much peril.  See "Mystic Mountain" and then try to figure out why this isn't universally considered the greatest movie ever made.