Tuesday, April 27, 2021

The Zero Boys, The Sultry Kelly Maroney Dodges Crossbows and Machetes

Growing up in the 80s meant one thing...Kelli Maroney was your fantasy girlfriend. The nubile and perky blonde Uzi wielding cheerleader was everything a teen boy could desire. Cult favorites like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Night of the Comet" left us teens breathless and desiring...at least in out fantasy worlds. The thought anyone could seek to rip her apart with a machete or impale her using a crossbow would've been too horrifying to imagine. Hence 1986's "The Zero Boys," directed by Nico Mastorakis is our feature today.

Three hunks, Steve (Daniel Hirsch), Rip (Jared Moses), and Larry (Tom Shell) have just beaten some neo Nazis at a survival game championship. Good news for Steve...he wagered the lead neo Nazi and the winner gets Jamie (Maroney). Uh oh...this is news to Jamie and she ends up in the trio's car along with two more babes, Trish (Crystal Carson) and Sue (Nicole Rio). As the three babes bicker and Jamie keeps looking put off by her new brute date, the six head deep in the wilderness.  Uh oh...Jamie sees a naked babe running for her life. The gang pulls over...bad move...to investigate. A storm arises and the six find shelter holed up in an apparently empty cabin. Weird things begin happening and Trish sees someone peering at her and Larry during pre-marital sex.

Now the hunks investigate the property and find a makeshift torture chamber next door where snuff films are made. Uh oh...Trish is seized by a fiend hiding in the bathtub. Now Trish is tortured, humiliated, and prepped to be a star in the next snuff film.  The guys man up and grab weapons and act macho. The gals bicker and scream at every corpse that pops up...women! The bad guys also have weapons...crossbows and machetes.  The guys concoct a bad escape plan which the fiendish hunters were banking on. Boobie traps...explosives...electricity...arrows...and machineguns will rule the second half of the film. The trio of babes will look wonderful as they are afraid and beset. The deaths will be excruciating...you'll see.

Do any of the hunks and babes have what it takes to survive this wilderness game of life and death? Will Kelli Maroney's charm and sex appeal pull her out of this mess?  Just who are these fiendish backwoods snuff film makers?  This film will remind you of one of the "Friday the 13th" sequels and "Deliverance." For some neat 1980s slasher fare featuring the nubile Kelli Maroney...see "The Zero Boys."   

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