Sunday, November 7, 2021

Nobody Gets Out Alive, The Lunatic Hunts the Other Lunatics

The starlet of our film today is the very beautiful Jen Dance.  We know immediately she is a lunatic because as the film opens she is being released (with plenty of psyche meds) from an insane asylum. We know her release is a mistake because her attending psychiatrist is played by Clint Howard.  How did she become a lunatic?  Genetic!  Her parents are equally as crazy.  When they get her home, do you think they serve her warm milk and encourage her to scrapbook?  No!  They force her to go out with her crazy friends on a camping trip to some woods where everyone knows is prowled by a psycho sledgehammer guy.  Perhaps 2012's "Nobody Gets Out Alive" (directed by Jason Christopher-Mayer, is a metaphor of America's twisted mental health policies inflicted upon us by our government.

The psycho sledgehammer guy?  His name is Hunter (Brian Gallagher)'ll see his sad backstory.  He prowls the woods looking for college kids engaging in alcohol consumption, pre-marital sex, partying, and marijuana smoking.  When he finds them?  Hunter has thought out his kills...he has so many nice murder saws and such.  The aforementioned college kids go into the woods after buying beer from a store operated by two clerks with smashed in skulls.  A couple of the notable friends...Jared (Chris Ready) who is clinically insane and Angie (Nikki Bell) a major league skank.  All the above activities, plus skinny-dipping occur quickly.

Hunter arrives.  The initial killings are gratuitous and you can guess the first two to go.  Jenn (Dance) is our babe crazy person.  She is not bonding with the group.  Deron (David J. Bonner) is eager to get into her pants...does that make him crazy?  The beefcake and cheesecake will continue to die horribly.  Now Hunter ramps up his carnage...abducting lovers Michelle (Chelsey Garner) and Mike (Shaun Paul Costello).  Now the film turns to torture porn...oh what Hunter does to these lovebirds!  Now Jenn is on the run and we can hear her psyche meds rattling around her pocket as she does.  Getting more creative with each kill, Hunter pursues the remaining babes and hunks.

Okay, now stop it...I can hear you!  No!  Not all beautiful women are complete psychos!  How about...well...what's her name?  Gimme a second, I'll think of someone.  Anyway!  Will Deron get pre-marital sex from the insane Jenn?  Will Hunter save any of the babes for other nefarious purposes?  So, feel free to send me the names of sane beautiful women and until then, enjoy "Nobody Gets Out Alive." 

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