Saturday, June 1, 2019

Robot Wars, Robots, Love, and Barbara Crampton

Okay, we have a feature from Full Moon Entertainment which stars Barbara Crampton. The sultry scream-queen from the 80s moved nicely into the 90s. Thanks to Charles Band and his brother Albert (the director), we have the perky blonde as a damsel in much distress in a futuristic wasteland, pursued by a robotic scorpion...all while clad in a get-up that would make Shonen Knife proud. Wardrobe aside, Ms. Crampton plays to the camera nicely in 1993's "Robot Wars."
The Western Alliance is feeling its way through a tenuous peace with old rivals The Eastern Alliance. Drake the hunk (Don Michael Paul) pilots the war robot Mega 1, a scorpion like behemoth that now carries passengers into and through a perilous no-man's land. Uh oh, Wa-Lee (Danny Kamekona) brings peaceful relations from the East. Drake is skeptical. The Asian wants the West to sell him robots. Leda (Crampton) arrives and she is also skeptical as is her besty Annie (Lisa Rinna). The two investigate and find out what Drake already knows...the East doesn't want peace.
Our two ravishing damsels go out touring in a Western Alliance robot shuttle. Drake's skepticism gets him put into the dog house. Drake is madly in love with Leda and she hates the brute. Making his move for Leda, Wa-Lee makes his move and steals the scorpion with Annie on board and wages war against the West. Leda escapes but is pursued through a wasteland city by Wa-Lee's goons. Now Drake is back in action as the woman he lusts for is in danger. Drake heads to the war zone hoping to rescue and have pre-marital sex with the hot blonde, and to destroy Wa-Lee.
Does the brutish but incredibly hot Drake have a chance of making it to first base with the perky Leda? Just how will Drake manage to defeat the scorpion behemoth and rescue all the hostages? Is this film a foreshadowing of the tensions between China and America that have grown in the past 10 years? This is a fun one, and despite Barbara Crampton's wardrobe (hardly the BDSM costume from 'From Beyond'), she is quite usual. For some nice Full Moon Entertainment entertainment, see "Robot Wars."


  1. Dang I thought my childhood crush Megan Ward was in this one.

  2. Wonderful review, reminds me of the Giant Scorpion reviewed somewhere else, but this one controlled by humans!!