Sunday, April 29, 2018

Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws, Yes!!!

Okay, so perhaps this feature is merely a trailer trash version of "Underworld." So what! A pseudo-Goth brunette in a black latex bodysuit is never a bad idea for a main character. With lots of chainsaw action, cat-fight action, cat-fight in mud action, and gallons of blood, 2006's "Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws" is a story ripped right out of today's headlines. So what is this film about? Seriously? As if that matters.
Okay, here goes. Quinn (Adam Abram) is a schmuck living in a trailer. He's a great character, seemingly taken out of a film noir private eye flick. Handy with an axe, fate will deal him a blow. Fleeing Dodge, he runs over vampire-babe Sariah (Olesya Rulin). This vixen then injects him with a serum that is poisonous to vampires...thus vampires can never drink his blood. Why? Well, a coven (probably not the right word) of vampire chicks are being hunted by aliens, called Outlanders. Outlanders want that serum, now inside Quinn, as it is the only weapon that can slay vampire chicks. Meanwhile, the chicks capture Quinn as they don't know why their arch-enemies want him so badly. When the sultry Karel (Jenna Lisonbee), clad in the aforementioned latex, realizes that her sister gave Quinn the serum, she comes up with a plot that will pit her against her vampire-vixen sisters.
Karel flees with Quinn in order to find and save her sister. After Sariah gave Quinn the injection, the Outlanders captured her and subjected her to infinite torture and humiliation. As Quinn and Karel run, the Outlanders and other vampire chicks chase them. Lots of carnage will follow, but the vampire chick cat-fighting will be classic. Of course, the schmuck Quinn and Karel will grow affectionate...sort of a poor man's Selene and Michael type of pair...except they probably don't smell as nice.
Will Karel and Quinn be able to save the beautiful Sariah from unspeakable ruination at the hands of the alien foe? Who will emerge the champion of the undead cat-fighting tournament? Could Karel and Quinn find happiness in a double-wide?  Directed by Carlos Don Diego, "Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws" is the perfect date night movie...if your dating a lunatic.  Totally enjoyable and even though the setting is less glamorous than the settings in the "Underworld" franchise, Jenna Lisonbee's Karel exudes allure and grace...albeit with a chainsaw and mud-wrestling prowess. Boldly enjoy "Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws" and don't be ashamed to tell all your friends about it.


  1. Vampire Chicks With Chainsaws" is the perfect date night movie...if your dating a lunatic. ( great line) I see it's got mud-wrestling in it, lesbian? A real fun one this, it flowed, makes me wonder if you are carrying that vampire serum :P