Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Humanoid, The Evil Warlord Who Loved Me

Two years after Barbara Bach and Richard Kiel collaborated on "The Spy Who Loved Me," they co-starred in the cheesy Italian scifi epic "The Humanoid." So, you have never heard of 1979's "The Humanoid"?  Don't worry, I'm here to help...just imagine a head on collision between 1979's Starcrash and 1988's Space Mutiny . Forget about the over preachy and awfully acted "Star Wars" and treat yourself to the trio of films I have just mentioned. Oh yes, if you want to see some real spacebabes, forget about Carrie Fisher (oh please!) and enjoy Barbara Bach or Caroline Munro.
Mad scientist and Lady Agatha
Lord Graal (Ivan Rassimov) has escaped from a prison planet, commandeered a space battleship and has set his sights to destroying Metropolis (Earth). A mad scientist has perfected a serum that will turn humans into monsters, which Graal will use to destroy the planet. Oh yes, along for the ride is the sultry Lady Agatha (Bach). Agatha is a spacebabe version of Elizabeth Bathory (Countess Dracula), as she travels the universe, abducting other nubile spacebabes, and putting them in a galactic Iron Maiden. See, Agatha needs the blood of beautiful women to maintain her youthful appearance. Graal's scientist turns Earth-defender Golob (Kiel) into a monster and sends him to Metropolis.
Golob and Tom Tom
As Golob seems to be well on his way to destroying Earth, a change of plans! Yep, before destroying a planet, Graal needs to destroy Barbara Gibson (Corinne Clery). Who is Barbara Gibson? She is a horrible video game player. As Golob corners Barbara Gibson, a galactic Dalai Lama named Tom Tom (Marco Yeh) saves her and turns Golob good again. When Barbara Gibson is abducted, anyway, Golob and Nick (Leonard Mann)...never mind about him...set their sights on the mother ship of Graal and Agatha.
Barbara Gibson in the Iron Maiden
Will we see a steamy cat-fight between Barbara Gibson and Lady Agatha? Does Lady Agatha want Barbara Gibson for anything other than her blood? Who do you prefer, Barbara Bach or Caroline Munro? So much more to tell you, I didn't even mention Robo-dog (think a cuter version of R2D2).  For an almost perfect space epic see "The Humanoid" directed by Aldo Lado.


  1. That is my fountain of youth, Christopher. I think I will sue the production company. I also entrap nubile young maidens so that I can become progressively younger. This must be a "thing." Good review on another 70s crazy exploitation flick.

  2. Grear review, good to know there's life before and after Star Wars!!

  3. ... How TF did an Italian sci fi with Jaws from James Bond escape my attention?! Very nice review Christopher, I've seen Star Crash but have never heard of this or Space Mutiny which I just read your equally cool review of. Humanoid sounds a hoot I think it's time to go a-huntin', thanks for the heads up on both. :)