Wild Beasts, Animals Eat Europe

"Belve Feroci."  Have some with a red wine, preferably a Merlot.  Nah! Movie titles are always better in Italian.  This 1984 product of Italy is actually "Wild Beasts."  Shot in Germany, set in "a major northern European city," (as opposed to a minor northern European city), this film is the urban version of Day of the Animals . Though made during complicated negotiations between Reagan and Gorbachev, one may view this film as foreshadowing of the plight of the European Union.  Okay, that's a stretch.  In any event, this film will deliver plenty of gore, bad dubbing, ridiculous dialog, and a most horrific conclusion.

Lorraine De Selle

The elegant and glamorous Lorraine De Selle stars in this film.  Oddly enough, her character has nothing to do with anything relevant in the plot.  Other than being really good looking, we'll not mention her again.  Animals at a German zoo are thirsty.  Unfortunately for Germans, something is in the water and these furry beings all go completely mad.  Before they bust out of their cages and march down city streets, signs of this disaster occur.  Hundreds of rats eat a cute couple having pre-marital sex in a car, and a seeing eye dog eats his blind owner.  A flamethrower dispatches the rats and once again we are reminded that when a flamethrower is introduced into a movie plot ...well...only good things can happen.

Strangled by an elephant

Much to the surprise of Dr. Rupert Berner (John Aldrich), zookeeper, his animals bust out.  Some classic cinema ensues.  In one heartbreaking scene, elephants converge on a car driven by a great looking German couple.  One pachyderm strangles the guy with his trunk...the other crushes the gal's head with his foot.  These same elephants will bring down a Lufthansa jet with hundreds on board...don't ask.  As Rupert and the police try to figure out what is going on and how to stop it, polar bears head to a dance academy and tigers run into the subway.  The death toll will be hundreds, including a German babe in a VW Beetle chased down by a leopard.

Hold that tiger

Will Rupert figure out how to end this carnage?  Do humans deserve this treatment after exploiting these animals for so long?  Will the statuesque Lorraine De Selle, who appears often in this film, doing practically nothing, remain un-chewed upon and un-crushed?  Directed by Franco Prosperi, "Wild Beasts" is a lot of fun.  Beware!  However inane much of this film is, the ending is incredibly chilling.