Two years ago, the great novel chronicling western civilization was released, Bikini Babes vs. Vampires (to read that novel for 99 cents, click on the link). Nothing like it had ever been seen since 1988 when the straight-to-video "Vampire on Bikini Beach," directed by Mark Headley, hit our VCRs. Courageous filmmaking, no doubt. Who wants flowery damsels writing love letters in our vampire fiction, when we can have nubile bikini babes frolicking, jiggling, and engaging in pre-marital sex, instead?
A vampire is murdering surfer hunks and turning the bikini babes into his brides. Bikini babe Kim (Nancy Rogers) loves surfer hunk Bob (Stephen Mathews). Also along for a frolicking and jiggling good time are Kim's friends Clarke (Amanda Hughes) and Wynette (Jennifer Jostyn). Lucky for them, as a vampire horde sucks the necks of our bikini clad damsels, Harold (Todd Kaufman) and his gal Judy (Jennifer Badham) also tag along. See, Harold knows about the occult and can translate the Book of the Dead. This is useful as Kim finds the book as another babe is murdered by a vampire a few feet away. Now Kim and Bob try to figure out if this evil book has anything to do with the murders of all the bikini babes near Venice Beach.
Kim and Bob will get very close and have some wonderfully choreographed pre-marital sex. Kim, Wynette, Judy, and Kim will frolic gratuitously in the bikini shop they hang out in. Now Falto (Mariusz Olbrychowski) and Demos (William Hoo) emerge as vampires bent on conquering the world. Both bloodsuckers want Kim as their bride. As Bob and Kim get closer to figuring out who the vampires want and what their goal is, the evil fiends get aggressive. They'll capture Clarke and Wynette and string them up as playthings for their minions. Now, the others must act and invade the lair of the undead to save their buddies. Naturally, the bloodsuckers are waiting for them. Bikini babes will be in much peril. The surfer hunks will prove ineffective in combatting the undead. Through all of that, there will be gratuitous bikini frolicking, jiggling, and pre-marital sex.
Will Kim succumb and be made into a bikini babe of the undead? Will any of the bikini babes survive the toothy menaces? Is this film a metaphor for the fates of young bikini babes when they arrive in Hollywood to seek acting careers? For vicious and prurient fun, see "Vampire on Bikini Beach."
Vampires and bikinis who knew
ReplyDeleteWatched this one last night on Tubi.TV. I thought it was much better than most of the "reviewers" on IMDB gave it credit for. I mean, what in the world were they expecting? Nancy Rogers reminded me so much of Joy Bang!
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