Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Cyborg, Classic Jean-Claude Van Damme

Okay!  Fine!  I admit it!  Sure, the crucifixion scene where Jean-Claude Van Damme basks in the Jesus imagery is a bit much.  Still, 1989's "Cyborg" is a damn good movie...or should I say "Damme" good movie.  I think all of us have to admit that Mel Gibson was heavily influenced by this scene...but let us move on.  Directed by Albert Pyun, this film boasts of hunks grunting and babes toiling in catfights.

New York apocalypse.  It looks a lot like New York during the David Dinkins Reign of Terror. A sadistic street gang lead by Fender (Vincent Klyn) captures a pretty cyborg/woman named Pearl (Dayle Haddon) who has the cure for a plague that has decimated the planet.  Enter Gibson (Van Damme)...Kung Fu hunk, extraordinaire. With Pearl in enemy hands, Gibson joins forces with the buxom Nubian, Nady (Deborah Richter). Being a Kung Fu hunk, Gibson wants to go his own way...but Nady uses pre-marital sex to convince the fellow to join her in rescuing Pearl, thus saving the world.  By the way, we get a look at Gibson's backstory and it is a dramatic and vicious one.

Now our hunk and babe traipse southwards to head off Fender and his gang.  The goal is to free Pearl.  Gibson has an additional goal...murder Fender.  The two have a sordid history.  No time is wasted by musical interludes or slow motion scenes of hot air balloons or running through the surf.  Nope...not in this movie.  Catfights for Nady will be plentiful.  Gibson will fight to the death with other grunting and sweaty hunks.  Fender looms on Gibson's radar.  Uh oh...Fender seems to have the upper hand and now Gibson must survive the aforementioned crucifixion. 

Will Gibson and Nady rescue Pearl and save the world?  Will the grunting and sweating brutes learn conflict resolution strategies and settle their differences with compromise and collaboration?  Will the cure Pearl has inside her computer chips be less deadly than Fauci's cure?  This is a fantastic film and infinitely better than anything Marvel or DC shovel onto us.  For a frolicking good time with great cheese and beef, see "Cyborg."

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