Python Island, Snakes Aplenty

Icky snakes!  A lot of them.  Throw in some man eating plants...some babes...and the quest for eternal life and we have the story of America.  Except...this one is made in China...okay...also the story of America.  You have to give the Chinese credit...included in this film are a trio of leather clad, crossbow wielding, babe bodyguards that never figure into the plot...but hey...stick them in the movie anyway!  Why not?  Today we looks at 2021's "Python Island," directed by Zhang Di Choi.

Ten years ago little Jiashu (Bai Na Ri Su) and his uncle are fishing.  Their raft is attacked by a mega cobra thing and the duo end up on Cannibal Island.  The place is teeming with snakes and the remnants of an ancient snake cult.  The duo's townsfolk come looking for them and soon everyone is under attack from giant snakes.  Jiashu and his uncle survive.  Ten years later, Jiashu has left his village and become a hotshot biologist working for Big Pharma (slimeball!).  But Jiashu is good...instead of inventing killer 'vaccines,' he tries to better humanity.  His boss, a dragon-lady (Tan Jimin), who has three babe, leather and crossbow clad bodyguards tells Jiashu he will lead an expedition to Cannibal Island where a special plant is grown that can regenerate cells.  Yep...you guessed it...the secret of eternal life, itself.  The dragon-lady matches Jiashu up with her babe daughter, Lily (Zai Mire)...and she's a real dish.

The large breasted Lily and Jiashu fall in love.  The expedition gets to the island and are immediately beset by large snakes and man-eating fauna.  Soon, Jiashu realizes the dragon-lady only cares about the money an eternal life drug could bring to her company.  Now the expedition members begin getting eaten and Jiashu and Lily keep making goo goo eyes at one another.  Oh yeah...I won't even mention Jiashu's friend...the gold python.  Uh oh...Jiashu finds out his home village is dying of some snake plague and the cure lies in the special plant found on Cannibal Island.  And Lily...she looks real good...and she better, lest Jiashu start ogling the crossbow babes instead.

Will either the dragon-lady or Jiashu capture the mysterious plant of the island in order to fulfil their goals.  Will Lily and Jiashu survive and does Lily see the giant snakes as a metaphor for...actually, never mind...I withdraw this question.  How about these leather clad, crossbow wielding bodyguard dames?  Are they mean enough to take over Taiwan?  See "Python Island" for some nice beef and cheese, icky monsters, and and some irrelevant but nifty crossbow wielding babes.