Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Mutant Space Vampires from the Planet Neptune, Blood Suckers at the Cabin in the Woods

We have to love modern day B movies.  As big studios pumps out garbage in the form of superhero films and idiocies proclaiming woke social justice, it is so nice to stumble on a plot that we actually want to see...as opposed to one we're told to see.  Today we look at 2021's "Mutant Vampires from the Planet Neptune," directed by Calvin Morie McCarthy.  This may be the first film since "Event Horizon" to use the planet Neptune as a plot device.

A flying saucer, presumably from Neptune, crash lands in the woods.  An alien, a horrific looking space vampire (Steve Larkin), emerges and treks through the woods.  He comes across a couple of campers engaging in pre-marital sex.  The couple is about to be murdered by an escaped lunatic (McCarthy) from a mental asylum.  Our vampire murders all three and now has the lunatic's machete to use as a weapon.  Now we have five friends driving into a cabin in the woods for some pre-marital sex, booze, and illegal drugs.  Yuri (Alex Onda) and his hot GF Cassie (Chelsea Falbo) are joined by Buzz the Annoying (Luke Nelson) and his tattooed GF Starr (Jax Kellington).  Yuri's loner sister, Larissa (Julene Fontaine) also joins them, but she's no fun...initially.  The five will booze it up...partake in marijuana and cocaine...strip...and engage in pre-marital sex or baths.

Our vampire friend is on his way to the cabin.  Before reaching it, he murders more campers seeking pre-marital sex.  Eventually it sets his sights on our five protagonists.  Larissa, a vampire fan, will be drawn to the creature.  Uh oh...the vampire seems to be more "Jason" than "Dracula" and is more comfortable using the machete than his fangs.  Now all out war breaks out between the five stoned and drunk friends and the creature.  Machetes will fly...fangs will bite...pre-marital sex will be interrupted...and booze will be aplenty.  The movie is headed to a bloodbath...but who will be shedding the blood?

Will our vampire creature decide to make any of the three nubile and sexually adept women in the cabin his bride?  Will Yuri or Buzz shake off the booze and marijuana and be able to fight the thing off and save their girlfriends?  Will Larissa's fascination with the toothy creatures give her any advantage in repelling the vampire invasion?  This is a fun one and the people in the film looked like they had a fun time making it.  Reject anything Disney and Big Hollywood, and catch "Mutant Space Vampires from the Planet  Neptune."  

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