Monday, March 8, 2021

The Row, Randy Couture, Bikini Babes, and a Slasher

MMA fighter Randy Couture and UFC champion graces our blog today.  With a face hardened by several fist fights, his charm is balanced by the arrogance and pheromones of a sultry sorority.  In fact, his grunts are way outnumbered by sorority chicks clad in bikinis, lingerie, or nothing.  The sorority chicks will flirt, drink heavily, do drugs, die naked in the shower, have their limbs severed, or be gutted by a collegiate slasher.  I dare you to tell me 2018's "The Row" (directed by Matty Beckerman) doesn't sound perfect.

During a bust gone wrong, Detective Cole (Couture) shoots his partner.  He gets suspended.  The widowed cop now gets to move his hot daughter, Riley (Lala Kent) into her college dorm.  He'll hit the bottle and she'll be recruited by the hottest sorority in the history of mankind, Phi Lambda.  During hazing, all the nubile pledges are abducted by the sisters, stripped to their Victoria's Secret undies, hosed down, and humiliated during a sleazy game of hide and seek. Oh yes, sorority sister Isabell (Sarah McDaniel) is gutted.  Riley discovers the body as she hides under her bed.  The cops, and her dad are summoned.  Undeterred, Riley joins the sorority. Uh oh...a family secret!  Riley's mom, who committed suicide many years ago was also a member of this sorority.

No one wants to talk about her mom, so Riley tries to find out about her.  Her dad, Cole, won't tell her anything and either will sultry house mother Nina (Jennifer Titus).  Another murder...Laura (Katelyn McMullen) is gutted.  Get this!  Laura's legs were taken by the killer and Isabell's arms were taken.  Cole realizes the slasher is putting together a doll from human parts.  There is a suspect!  After another murder or two and some gratuitous shower action, Carter (Dylan Sprayberry) is arrested.  He had pre-marital sex with each of the victims just before their demises.  Cole believes this is too easy...and he's right.  Now Riley is in the crosshairs of the slasher.

Just what is the secret of Riley's mom and why did she commit suicide when Riley was a small child? Will the hard hitting UFC champ be able to protect his daughter and find the real killer?  Is it really a great tragedy to see oversexed sorority sisters die horribly in states of undress?  This is a gratuitous one with a lot of gratuitous bikini, shower, lingerie nudity, gore, and pre-marital sex action.  For a film experience that will satisfy your prurient instincts see "The Row." 

1 comment:

  1. Wondering why Aust never produces such great plot and bikini driven movies!