Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Big Bad Bugs, Giant Icky Creatures Invade Afghanistan

Giant scorpions! Giant spiders! Giant wasps! Giant snakes! A Navy SEAL team with sultry babes as half of its soldiers (these ladies will all die horribly without uttering a line). Yes, today we have 2012 "Big Bad Bugs." Very few films set in Afghanistan have merited any accolades. As left-wing Hollywood is incapable of making a decent war film, we turn to our B movie makers to give us one worthy of this blog.
An army scout unit in Afghanistan is wiped out by a monster scorpion. Seems they were looking for a worm winning the war on terror isn't enough. Uh oh, as the scorpion kills soldiers, Sydney (Camden Toy),the mad-scientist that accompanies these brave men, is pulled through a worm hole. Quickly the US Army assembles a team to find out what happened. The sultry Captain Dexter (Sarah Lieving) will join up with a Navy SEAL team led by Reiger (Ted Jonas). Secretly, Dexter and Reiger are engaged...and he is quite the hunk. This will be awkward as Dexter has recruited her ex-husband and nerd-scientist William (Jack Plotnick) to join them. Yep, William is a nerd but he knows worm holes and used to work for the now missing Sydney.
The team is dropped at the site and immediately a babe SEAL is eaten by bugs. The team enters a cave and meet up with the giant scorpion and luckily are able to kill it and determine that it, and all the other bugs are powered by a mysterious crystal. Now the giant  bugs pursue and the beautiful SEALs will all die horribly leaving Deckert with no competition. Wait! Mysterious radio signals from Sydney indicate he is a prisoner of an alien intelligence and guarded by bugs. Deckert, Reiger, and William, and some still alive male-SEALs now track the signal. On the way there, there will be more bug attacks, some serious sexual-harassment of Deckert, and William tries to figure out how to close the worm hole that delivered these alien bugs to Earth.
Does the nerd William have a shot at getting the very hot Deckert back from the hunk Reiger? Are the horrible deaths of the female SEALs a statement about the exploitative nature of the #MeToo movement, or a slap in the face to actresses seeking respect and dignity in the movie industry? Just where do giant snakes fit into this plot and is the reptile community culturally appropriating the insect community for the sake of some gratuitous monster effects? This is a fun one, directed by Peter Paul Basler. For some gratuitous fun, enjoy "Big Bad Bugs," and find out why men are leery about women serving in combat.

1 comment:

  1. 'Me too,' said Daddy Scorpion, 'Me too,' said Mommy Scorpion. They had their sights on the tender female flesh..