Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Slash Dance, G.L.O.W. does Slasher

The most famous bout in G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling) occurred as The Southern Bells were humiliated and tortured and forced to bark like dogs and beg for their lives...and also do dog tricks to avoid being marred by fire. Gratuitous, I know. The second most famous G.L.O.W. bout was a tag team event in which the shapely Suzie Spirit, clad in a shiny red leotard, was destroyed...literally. We all remember her scream as her ulna and radius were dislocated leaving her arm a contorted mess.  The bout was stopped and Suzie was taken out on a stretcher...and this wasn't staged. The peril to the G.L.O.W. talent would continue as Americana, a sometimes partner of Suzie, would be put in deadly peril as she played a sultry policewoman in 1989's "Slash Dance."
Americana pummels Spanish Red in a GLOW match
Beautiful dancers are being murdered as they show up at an old theater to audition for a dance show. Undercover cop, Tori (Cindy Ferda, aka Americana), is tough and ambitious. We first meet her in a gratuitous bikini scene. After hearing of a whole bunch of missing beauties, she starts investigating. Tori determines that the young actress/dancers all showed up for an audition at the same theater. Now undercover, Tori does the same and joins the revue.  Now part of the show, Tori falls in love with Logan (James Carroll Jordan). They will suck face and have pre-marital sex. Tori's main subject is the pervert Amos (J. Buzz Van Ornsteiner), a prop hand. Amos loves drooling over the dancers as they shake their stuff clad in skimpy 1980s aerobic garb.
Dancer assumes room temperature
As Tori and her new friends perform lots of gratuitous dance routines, the killer stalks them. Fortunately for Tori, she has two friends (Beastie and Queen Kong of G.L.O.W. fame) watching her back. As Tori and friends shake more of their stuff, and Amos drools over them, Logan contemplates more sex with her. Tori must not only identify the killer, but also keep her new friends alive as the killer stalks them all.
Tori to the rescue
The ending will have Tori in mortal peril. Will Tori be beaten to a pulp as Americana was in her G.L.O.W. matches? Is Logan too suave and debonair to be real?  Is Amos too easy a suspect? Fans of G.L.O.W. will enjoy this one and also identify a few other wrestlers in this cast. A minor horror yarn with minimal gore, "Slash Dance" is heavy on gratuitous dance scenes. Though a sultry wrestler by trade, Ms. Ferda is a better actress than Mila Kunis or Megan Fox.
Click this link to see the Southern Bells humiliated Southern Bells Destroyed
Click this link to see Suzie Spirit's arm ripped out of socket Suzie Spirit Destroyed


  1. Wow. This got made! It blows my mind. Then again, it was the 80s....good review, Christopher.

  2. How tf did I never hear of this?? OR G.L.O.W.??? This sounds hilarious & I intend to hunt this one down quickly, thanks for the heads up Christopher, nice review as always mate.

  3. I used to watch Glow all the time in the 80s haha