The Devil of Kreuzberg, Love Cursed

Ah, Linda!  Sweet. Devoted. Loyal. But wait! Her last name is Karnstein!  You fans of Hammer horror films know what that means.  Linda is exotic, beautiful, and of course....cursed.  Today we look at 2015's "The Devil of Kreuzberg," a film from Germany and directed by Alexander Bakshaev. Atmospheric with a soundtrack from a Lucio Fulci horror film, after watching this film you will feel compelled to smear blood somewhere.

Absolutely devoted to Jakob (Ludwig Reuter), Linda (Sandra Bourdonnec) is 100 % in love. An author mired in a prolonged slump, Jakob appears to lead an imprisoned existence.  He isn't as into Linda as Linda is into him.  In Jakob, Linda has, what she believes, a key into the world of light.  In Linda, Jakob believes death awaits.  Enter Kurt (Suleyman Yuceer). Kurt and Jakob are best friends. These two perhaps should be more than friends, but the conventions of western civilization dictate that they should just be good friends.  Just as well. Kurt is problematic.  He pays off his debts to gangsters by performing hits on those who don't pay debts.

Now fate knocks on the door.  Linda fights her destiny (...remember, she is a Karnstein). Jakob, sensing Linda is not quite mortal (...how many of us are?) turns to his assassin friend.  Kurt, a very sensitive assassin, fights the path he is going down...but his best friend has asked a favor.  This will all play out in spooky cemetery scenes, a pursuit through a subway station with pseudo pagan designs, and dark and damp streets of Berlin.  No spoilers here.

Fans of horror know not to date someone named Karnstein.  No doubt Jakob wasn't a horror writer. No matter...these three were brought together, we sense, by much more than free will.  This relatively short film (49 minutes) goes at a brisk pace and is always on edge. Very well acted and masterfully directed, "The Devil of Kreuzberg" souldn't be missed.  The ending will chill you, and perhaps keep you up at night fighting those same nightmares Jakob battled.  

Inner Demons, as if Reality Shows weren't Scary Enough...

What is the worst that could happen during a reality show?  The babe says no to the hunk's proposal? The biological parents end up being jerks? Throw a demon possessed teenager into the mix and we might actually have a reality show we all would watch. When I say demon-possessed, I'm not talking about a sassy girl screaming obscenities...or throwing a Bible across the room.  Nope....I'm talking some really gory and homicidal stuff....all documented for TV. So let us examine 2014's "Inner Demons," a horror film directed by Seth Grossman.  Be warned, this will not be the feel good movie of 2015.

Carson (Lara Vosburgh) is (...or was) a beautiful and smart high school girl.  As a little girl, she memorized the Bible.  Now..she is addicted to heroin and pills.  Her parents are at their wits end and have tried everything.  But wait!  Like a knight in shining armor, the reality show "Step Inside Recovery" shows up.  The gimmick of this show is that they script out an intervention and get the subject into recovery..all in front of millions of viewers.  At first the intervention goes bad (...which is great for ratings).  Carson flies across the room and tries to shove a letter down her best friend McKee's ( Susan Ateh) throat.  Cooler heads prevail and the troubled youth agrees to check into rehab at the Hope Center.  Now the fun really starts.

Her recovery will be filmed.  Carson tries to be honest with Dr. Kordis (James Cragen).  This won't work.  See, Carson is possessed by a demon and the heroin is the only way to keep it under control. Unfortunately for the patients and staff, when the drugs are weaned from her system...the demon becomes stronger.  Oh yes....the poor schmuck Jason (Morgan McClellan).  He is the camera man who falls in love with Carson....and the only one who believes her. As the demon gets stronger, it gets bolder.  Carson shrieks in Latin, knows secret dirt on the other patients, and reacts violently to holy water slipped into her drink.  The demonic horror in this film cascades and becomes quite shocking.  How powerful has the demon become?  Is Jason due to be it's victim? What secret does McKee hold that could provide a cure?  All those questions will be answered but beware....the truth will not set you free.

I am trying really hard to refrain from throwing spoilers at you.  I will say that this is a dark film and when you believe a tender moment, or a sweet exchange has occurred...well...get ready for shock and gore.  The ending will leave you agape, momentarily asking what just happened .  Available on Netflix, "Inner Demons" will give you nightmares and cause you to sleep with an eye wide open.

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead, Grab a Fosters and a Shotgun

"This morning I shot my wife and child with a nail gun, I don't know how to make that into a story." Yep...this quote early on from Barry (Jay Gallagher) sets forth a terrific...and different...zombie film. From Australia, director Kiah Roache-Turner gives us some really neat characters and some decadent carnage, plus some reminders of "Mad Max," for 2014's "Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead." In the "Mad Max" films, petrol is the lifeblood.  In "Wyrmwood," the lifeblood is the petrol.

Practically overnight most of Australia becomes flesh-eating zombies.  Nail-gun equipped carpenter, Barry,  is forced to put his family down as he sets out to rescue his sister, Brooke (Bianca Bradey, who is simply fabulous in this). Brooke has her own problems.  After the models in her goth shoot try to eat her, she is rescued by gas-mask wearing soldiers.  Rescue may not be the correct word as she is chained in a lab and experimented on by a mad scientist (Berynn Schwerdt).  As the evil doctor injects her with zombie blood as she shares her imprisonment with some of the undead, Barry makes his way to her.  On the way, Barry befriends Benny (Leon Burchill), a philosophical aborigine, and Frank (Keith Agius). There will be others, but they won't make it.  

Meanwhile, our scientist is bent on turning the apparently immune Brooke into a zombie, but a certain side-effect manifests which our mad genius didn't count on.  The real scientific breakthroughs hail from Barry and his merry-men.  Petrol ceases to burn...hence motors stop running.  By accident, Barry learns that zombie blood is flammable...and will serve well for a post apocalyptic fuel.  In a bloody trek to find Brooke, twists abound at our devious lab.  Barry is intent on rescuing his sister, but the military unit and our doctor are bent on keeping her to continue their experiments.  Will Barry find his sister?  If he does, will she still be human?  However evil the experiments, will they lead to a cure for what is making Australians into zombies?

Perhaps comedic in some spots, "Wyrmwood" works well has a horror story.  There are enough twists and creativity to make this film relevant...as opposed to so many stale zombie films of late. What happens to good people when forced to make un-godly decisions?  The answer isn't pretty, but our protagonist, Barry, is probably an accurate answer to that question. Available on Netflix, take in this unique zombie film as "The Walking Dead" enjoys it's summer hiatus.

Sorority Row, Sisters 'til the End...Which is Imminent

Now this is a slasher classic!  2009's "Sorority Row" has lots of stunning actresses.  Most of them will die horrible and gory deaths at the hands of a caped fiend.  Girls in bikinis....girls in evening gowns...girls in PJs....girls in the shower....then add....cat-fights....sex on the shrink's couch carnage...dumbwaiter carnage...hot-tub carnage....mine shaft carnage...tire-iron carnage...and more! Oh yes...throw in pre-marital sex, drinking, orgies, gratuitous shower scenes...and a shotgun wielding Carrie Fisher. For you women out there, each of these babes have hunk BFs....and most of them will die similar horrible deaths. Let us begin.

Meghan (Audrina Patridge) dies (...accidentally murdered) in a prank.  Her sorority sisters, led by Jessica (Leah Pipes) dump her body in a mine shaft. All have reputations to protect and vow the secrecy of sisterhood. Will Meghan stay in the mine-shaft? We'll see.  Cassidy (Briana Evigan) is against the cover-up, but her sultry sisters threaten to blame her for the murder if she goes to the cops. As our shallow and superficial sisters plan for their next orgy, they all begin receiving texts from Meghan's phone.  These texts are pics of the grisly death.  Unnerved, they continue planning their party, and bicker.  Unfortunately for them, the texts are followed by murder.  The girls start falling as the same tire iron which killed Meghan is back...retro-fitted with four blades.  

Uh oh!  Guess who suddenly shows up!  Meghan!  Not really, it is actually Meghan's sister, Maggie,who is a spitting image of the doomed Meghan.  The girls are spooked by this as it appears that Maggy has a malevolent purpose for dropping in.  Now Ellie (Rumer Willis) is losing it, and Jessica worries if she will spill their secret.  Claire (Jamie Chung) also realizes they should have gone to the police, but her fate (see picture below) will prevent that.  Now, as the girls host a major post-graduation party, an uninvited visitor wielding the aforementioned tire-iron (see above picture) arrives.  Fire, explosions, Molotov cocktails, axes, flare guns, shotguns, and a spunky Briana Evigan will rule the last 30 minutes of this film.

The sexier the girl, the gorier the death.  Will Jessica, the biggest b***h have the most colorful death? Will the tenets of sisterhood go out the window as our babes begin to panic?  What about Meghan...will she reappear before the end of the film?  You can probably guess at the answers to those questions.  Available on Netflix, for lots of gratuity and exploitation, see "Sorority Row."

 

Scourge, A Sappy Love Story with a Slimy Parasite

We don't discuss enough cute, boy meets girl stories on this blog.  Today we will rectify that discrepancy by examining 2008's "Scourge."  Why not include a lovelorn young lady who is into scrapbooking and cheesy jewelry into our modern horror stories. Like many a romance novel, we will throw in a hunk, misunderstood by everyone else, and together, boy and girl will fall for each other. Even without a slimy, tentacled, and toothy parasite, we have a story that will appeal to us all.  Well, perhaps I exaggerate.

Scott (Nic Rhind), a hunk, rides back into town on his motorcycle.  His first stop?  Jesse (Robyn Ledoux), a really cute young lady, is happy to see her old flame.  Uh oh!  Though Scott falls instantly for, the now all grown up, Jesse, he has a date with the sultry Lydia.  Fortunately for Jesse, a chain of events begins which will have Lydia (Marina Pasqua) infected by a slimy, monstrous parasite, and dead before the day is out.  See...an old church has burned down.  Unbeknownst to anyone, kept in the bowels of the old house of worship is a creature that likes to take over bodies, use them, discard them, and find another host.  Unfortunately for Scott, the first few corpses found, in very bloody fashion,  just happen to be people he has motives to kill.  Now Scott is on the run, and the only one who believes his innocence is Jesse.  

The creature goes through townspeople like lice through a public school.  As Scott and Jesse fall in love, people in Scott's vicinity keep dropping.  Jesse uses her brains and conducts an investigation in order to uncover the true history and nature of our monster.  Now on the offensive, Jesse tries to prove Scott's innocence and concoct a method to kill her nemesis.  Some clever CGI and spurting gore will make this a love story you might want to view.

The acting is good, and the monster is menacing.  Don't worry...whenever this appears to tilt too heavily into a romance novel type of plot, a blood soaked, parasite infested victim buys the farm in most gory fashion.  Available on Netflix, treat yourself to a film, beautifully shot in British Columbia, "Scourge."

The Dunwich Horror, H.P. Lovecraft, Roger Corman, and the Necronomicon

As the drug culture of the 1960s stopped shocking people, the 1970s needed something to unnerve society.  Satanism and the occult would surface as a trendy menace, though it would soon bore the same society it originally frightened.  Perfect for this new menace, an author who lived several decades earlier, H.P. Lovecraft and his literary invention, The Necronomicon.  Despite being a creation of Lovecraft's, The Necronomicon was in the card catalog at many university libraries (...though always overdue or missing)  and was the fancy of those who professed occult philosophies. Hence today's film, 1970's, "The Dunwich Horror," from executive producer Roger Corman.

Nancy (Sandra Dee, who spends half this film in a state or orgasm) falls for creepy Wilbur (Dean Stockwell, still making amends for "The Boy With Green Hair").  Wilbur is a student of the occult and desires to study the Necronomicon, kept in the university library.  Wilbur, the last descendant of an occultic family, has plans for the beautiful and vulnerable Nancy, and easily puts her in a trance and brings her back to his home.  Nancy's boss, Professor Armitage (Ed Begley) and her beautiful friend, Elizabeth (Donna Baccala, pictured above right) will attempt to get her back, with no success.  In fact, Elizabeth will be raped and mutilated by a tentacled monster as a reward for her efforts.  Wilbur gets down to business and immediately turns Nancy into a vessel for sex.  Most of the carnal relations are on an altar at the ruins of weird temple (...we've all been there, done that...).

Nancy is aroused by the sexual relations and is totally under Wilbur's power.  Meanwhile, a monster locked in Wilbur's closet (the same one that feasts on Elizabeth) busts out of its captivity.  Professor Armitage, also an expert on the Necronomicon, figures out what Wilbur is up to.  Wilbur will use the Necronomicon to bring creatures from another dimension to Earth, and those creatures will wipe out mankind.  Exactly what is Nancy's destiny in this plan?   Professor Armitage and the town doctor (Lloyd Bochner) rush to the altar to save Nancy and mankind....but is it too late?  Remember, this is a Roger Corman film, so Nancy's fate may not be a surprise to you.

A cool monster, an erotic performance by Sandra Dee, lots of orgasms, and an overly dramatic musical score will make your day while watching "The Dunwich Horror."  Cheap special effects act only to enhance this B movie in our eyes.  Ominous and serious at times, playful and campy at times, this film will surely entertain.  Available on Netflix. 

The Undertaker and His Pals, Delicious Women on Special

This 63 minute film originally was a lot longer.  The 1960s lack of tolerance for blood on the silver screen demanded several minutes showing actual surgery footage be removed.  Don't fret, we do get to see some in 1966's "The Undertaker and His Pals."  A very black comedy with a cool mixture of lame-brain humor and gory kills of very shapely women entertain you for more than an hour.

As the film begins a motorcycle gang busts into the beautiful Sally Lamb's (Karen Ciral) apartment, knife her to death, and cut off her legs.  The next day at the local greasy spoon, Spike and Doc (Marty Friedman and Rick Cooper) serve up leg of lamb as their special.  Yep...you guessed it!  Playboy, Harry Glass (James Westmoreland) and his glamorous secretary, Ann (Sally Frei) come in for dinner, but insult the chef, hurting the feelings of Spike and Doc. Needing more food to serve, the gang tracks down the scantily clad Ann at her apartment and kill her in gory fashion.  For what?  Let's just say that the special the next day will be breast of chicken.  Enter the undertaker (Ray Dannis).  He does Ann's funeral home services.  Unfortunately for Ann..because Harry won't pay much, the undertaker does not use foam rubber where Ann's.....well...never mind.

The undertaker and the greasy spoon cronies have an arrangement. They butcher babes and split the corpses.  The undertaker has funeral fees and the others get free meat to serve to hungry patrons.  Harry gets personally involved when a sultry replacement for Ann arrives.  Friday (Warrene Ott). She doesn't last long as Spike and Doc abduct her, operate on her when she is alive (we see most of her organs) and put her in the meat grinder for tomorrow's special...hamburg.  As the cops gather more clues, they close in.  Our gang starts making mistakes and Friday's radiant sister, Thursday (also played by Ott) starts snooping as well.  Thursday proves more of a challenge to the gang, and her spunk completely throws the undertaker and his pals.  Will Thursday's spunk be neutralized by the three fiends on motorcycles?  Will adversity test the cohesiveness of this monstrous trio?

This is a fun movie, but not for the squeamish.  Hatchets in foreheads, severed limbs, meat-grinder carnage, abdominal organs being fondled, and lots more gore await your viewing.  Perhaps in 1966 this film was far fetched, but as crazy as our country has gotten, we may see a news story soon mirroring the plot of "The Undertakers and His Pals."  Available on YouTube.