Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Don't Open Till Christmas, Vengeance on Santa

Only a little over seven months until Christmas (...excuse me, for all of our elected officials, so not to offend...substitute "holiday" every time I say Christmas).  1980s slasher movies are an important element of this blog, and so are international films, so today we will combine those two.  1984's "Don't Open Till Christmas" an English film, will satisfy your need to view one of these films and also inspire you to begin your Christmas shopping (...especially if you know someone who wants a harpoon, machete, ax, or bomb).
As our film begins, Christmas season is in full force in London.  Uh oh, some psycho is murdering anyone he come's across who is dressed as Santa.  After a young couple is knifed while making out in the backseat of a car, the killer enters a nightclub where the proverbial Christmas/masquerade party is taking place.  The owner, dressed as Santa, enters the dance floor and is met by a harpoon which enters through the back of his skull.  To make matters worse, Kate (Belinda Mayne), the deceased's daughter, witnesses this macabre murder.  Scotland Yard sends their best detective, Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom) and he develops a multitude of suspects, including Kate's boyfriend, Cliff (Gerry Sundquist).  As more and more Santas' fall in horrifying fashion, it is apparent that this psycho hates Christmas almost as much as the U.S. public schools do.  Kate and the inspector (see picture below) develop a fondness for each other hampering the Inspector's ability to solve the case, and Cliff's ability to....well..you know...
Also on the case is a reporter named Giles (Alan Lake).  He is inquisitive and creepy and seems to know a lot more about the killings than the police.  Giles is also suspicious of Inspector Harris and encourages Scotland Yard to look into the Inspector's weird activities.  Other suspects include a perverted fashion photographer who dresses one of his models up as Santa.  The only one not a suspect in this film is Caroline Munro, who plays Caroline Munro, and delivers a heart warming rendition of "I am the Warrior of Love" to a fawning nightclub audience.  Unfortunately for her, as she concludes this piece, a Santa corpse with a machete in his face falls in front of her on the stage.
As the killer gets bolder, Santas' fall at an increasing rate.  So many different types of carnage grace this holiday film, such as urinal carnage, sausage grill carnage, music box carnage, and car battery carnage.  Is our good Inspector the killer?  How about Kate?  She is constantly mistreated by the crude Cliff.  Is this a plot by her to eventually dispose of him? Oh yes, is there any truth to the rumor that "I am the Warrior of Love" was originally written for Bonnie Tyler, but when she came down with a hoarse voice, it was given to Caroline Munro?  Fans of 1980s slasher films will love "Don't Open Till Christmas."


  1. Speaking of Christmas slashers... There was a pretty awesome movie, called "Jack Frost" (not to be confused with the equally named Michael Keaton" movie) that includes an interesting scene involving a carrot. Ever saw that?

  2. Now, I have to check this out! Thanks for this!