Motor Home Massacre, For Fans of the Hooters Swimsuit Calender

As the New Year approaches, you all are probably asking the same question.  What was Breanne Ashley doing in between her being crowned Hooters International Swimsuit winner in 2004 and 2007?  The answer is today's B movie selection, 2005's "Motor Home Massacre."  One of the strongest assets of this movie is that it stars Ms. Ashley, and several similarly gifted actresses.  Filmed entirely in Georgia, this film is a throwback to the slasher film of the 1980s.

The plot:  As the movie begins, two annoying, pot-smoking campers are butchered by an unseen maniac, in very imaginative fashion.  Fast-forward to the next day as seven campers board a 1975 motor home to go camping.  One of the campers, Sabrina (Shan Holleman) is on the rebound after being dumped by her boyfriend, Tom.  We meet Tom in flashbacks and he looks like a mug-shot.  Brooke (Breanne Ashley) convinces her to go along in order to distract her from her painful memories of Tom.  Sabrina is trying, she is even reading the critically acclaimed "Men Are From Uranus" on the way to the campground (...is that really a book?).  On the way to the campground, they stop for gas and meet the red-neck gas station employee.  He gives them a cryptic warning of the carnage that befell that site ("trouble of the dead people kind").  In another ominous moment, Sabrina then asks Brooke, "..don't you have that weird feeling, like we're all gonna be cut up into little pieces?" Then the red-neck explains the crime scene looked as though a "red-sauce burrito exploded in the microwave."  As they arrive at the campsite, a weird park ranger also warns them of trouble.  Ignoring these types of warnings is a staple in these 1980s-type slasher films.

As our campers build a campfire, Nicole wanders in.  Nicole just dumped her abusive, ex-military boyfriend.  Her and Sabrina are able to connect, and Nicole asks her, about Tom, "have you ever thought about killing him?"  Nicole obviously has not read "Men Are From Uranus."  Then the killings start.  At first, the menacing red-necks, then the campers themselves.  The killer appears as a night-visioned goggled, machete wielding nut-case.  The fight is on!  Can Sabrina put her heart-ache aside long enough to do battle against this maniac?  Will our Hooters girl be cut to pieces, or emerge as a heroine?  Will the nerdy owner of the RV end up with Sabrina?

This is a guys movie, all the way.  Fans of 1980s horror will recognize all the plot twists and figure out who the killer is.  Still.....this is lots of fun.  Over the past two weeks you have been watching "It's A Wonderful Life," "MIracle on 34th Street." "Frosty The Snowman," and "Rudolph."  You guys need a movie like this!