Teachers' Day, A Psycho and Lots of Girls in Underwear

Neo-Sexploitation....I think I have coined that term today. Today's feature, 2014's "Teachers' Day" (aka "After School Massacre") is just that.  30 years ago this feature would have graced the drive-in theaters...today, straight to DVD.  A slasher film, no doubt, but the strength of "Teachers' Day" is the alluring qualities of the actresses.  The actresses portray 17 year old high school nymphomaniacs who dance around in sexy underwear, confess to naughty deeds, make-out a lot, take showers together, have pre-marital sex, and have food fights.  Oh yeah, in between all all of that...many of them get sliced and diced.

History teacher, and hunk, Mr. Anderson (Bruce Kade) is fired for chatting on social media with his babe student, Devon (Nikole Howell).  Devon and her BFF Jess (Savannah Matlow) have both had relationships with Anderson.  Upon being fired, Anderson murders the principle and his very beautiful and buxom secretary (Mindy Robinson).  Unfortunately for Devon and her friends, Anderson is aware of their slumber party that evening, and dons a ski mask and heads over there.  The girls arrive and quickly strip to there underwear (see photo above).  The party begins with the girls confessing naughty deeds to each other, and some will shower together.  Lots of gratuitous underwear shots ensue, and stud Luke (Andrew Phillips) is present for some gratuitous make-out and bed scenes.  Then Anderson arrives, and the nubile teens start turning into lukewarm corpses.

Anderson has no mercy for the girls, as he blames them for his firing.  An electric carving knife, a mailbox, garden clippers, and a curling iron are just some of his tools for murder.  One unfortunate babe is even drowned in a barrel as she bobs for apples....clad in underwear, of course.  There will be GRATUITOUS SEX SCENES, GRATUITOUS SHOWER SCENES, GRATUITOUS RUBDOWN SCENES, and a GRATUITOUS UNDERWEAR FOOD FIGHT SCENE.  These cinematic treasures will all be interspersed with bloody murder scenes.  Oh yes....did I mention the backstory?  Erica (Abby Summers) committed suicide at Devon and Jess' last slumber party, and her ghost appears.  In one weird scene, Erica's ghost has a near lesbian tryst with one of the gals.  As you can see...there is a lot here...in addition to babes in underwear.

For some very gratuitous cinema...see "Teachers' Day."  This might be the finest film chronicling the plight of our public school children since "Blackboard Jungle."  Except this one is much more titillating.  Oh yes....stay tuned for the credits and see Nikole Howell rap...she does a fine job.  Terrific acting, and I should mention Jared Masters, the director.  It was apparent that the cast had so much fun during the making of this film.  The DVD is reasonably priced on Amazon. 

23:59, Full Metal Jacket Meets The Ring

Delving into Asian horror does not often take us to Malaysia, or into army barracks, but here goes.  2011's "23:59" is a creepy ghost story set on a Malaysian island where army recruits are training.  Unlike most ghost stories, the protagonists are not young attractive women or suburban families...but brave young men vowing to serve their country.  Complete with ghosts, possessions, mutant monsters, exorcisms, and superstitions..."23:59" may not be the most original plot, but if you're looking for a neat ghost story...here it is.

Army recruits, late one night, exchange ghost stories; however, one appears to be true.  People dying one minute before midnight are condemned to haunt the living...and in these barracks, strange suicides have taken place at 2359 hours (11:59 pm).  Tan (Tedd Chan) is a wimpy recruit, teased and bullied by his company.  He has seen the ghost of a woman and fears he will be killed by her.  Most of the company thinks he is just weak-minded, but his best friend, Jeremy (Henley Hil) will come to believe him.  Wouldn't you know it....Jeremy has "the gift."  You know "the gift,"...that ambiguous ability to see and communicate with the dead.  Enough of that, back to the plot.  Living on the island at one time was a medium who gave birth to a mutant child..who may be a demon.  The whereabouts of these two are unknown, but their fate was intertwined with the army camp.

One night on a training exercise, Tan mysteriously dies.  His death spooks his company. Jeremy, upon finding his body, also spies the ghost of the medium.  The spooked company must then deal with Tan's ghost and the possession of another recruit, Chester (Josh Lai).  After an exorcism, Chester is back to normal, but his fate is far from safe.  As the ghost keeps appearing, more deaths occur and Jeremy realizes that he must examine his own past to figure exactly what is going on.  Jeremy's past and the haunted history of the island will collide in a very dramatic and chilling conclusion.

The rigidity of a military mindset played against superstition and ghosts is the conflict explored by writer and director Gilbert Chan.  Of course, as in most of these movies, the superstition and ghosts win out.  Most of us have ghosts from our past, but in "23:59," the ghosts are malicious and homicidal, with vengeance on their mind.  Available on Netflix, enjoy this Asian ghost story. 

Alyce Kills, Girl gone Homicidal

Battered, bloodied, and bruised....but alive! Hence Tamara Feldman's ultimate fate in the original "Hatchet" film.  She may have survived the ultimate slasher, but can she survive her BFF?  2011's "Alyce Kills" (aka "Alyce") will deliver a more fatal outcome for the beautiful Ms. Feldman.  Be warned, unsettling is the keyword for today's film.  If you were freaked out by AnnaLynne McCord in "Excision," or Catherine Deneuve in "Repulsion," then Jade Dornfeld, as Alyce, will certainly give you nightmares.  Sorry for this next sentence, but I quote, from this film, "...lesbo-necrophile, f***ed up s**t."  Yep, this one will make you squirm.  However psychological much of the horror is here, "Alyce Kills" also has plenty of gore.

Alyce (Dornfeld) returns to her social clique after not being able to make it on her own in the financial world.  Carroll (Feldman) is all too happy to have her BFF back, and the two go out on a night of misbehaving, ecstasy, drugs, and perhaps some lesbian sex.  Accidentally, Alyce pushes Carroll off the roof, beginning a mental degeneration...which may have begun well before the reunion.  As Carroll's ghost keeps visiting and accusing Alyce, our protagonist revisits acquaintances of Carroll's recent past who may have really been responsible for her demise. Carroll's two-timing boyfriend, the chick who replaced her, and a couple of drug suppliers all earn Alyce's attention.  As Alyce's mental state, fraught with guilt and failure, becomes homicidal....Carroll's old "friends" are in for a most painful and torturous adventure.

No one just dies in this film.  The death scenes are elongated and will cause you to wince.  Alyce will utilize hacksaws, knives, baseball bats, blenders, microwaves, and guns to complete her demented goal.  Which begs an important question, what is her goal?  Even Carroll's death is more complicated than falling off a building....which may have contributed to Alyce's downfall.  The beautiful young lady that is Alyce quickly becomes a sweet talking monster.  As Alyce goes through Carroll's recent past with the finesse of a drunk butcher, her connection to reality seeps away.  However incapable Carroll is to deal with the angst of her life, Alyce sees atonement in doing those dealings for her.

Fans of "American Mary" will love "Alyce Kills."  Look close and see references to Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland."  Dark, gory, and witty...this film will definitely deliver on the blood and guts (literally).  Perhaps a touch of feminist ideology keeps Alyce likable to the viewer, but do not be afraid to lose the metaphor and enjoy this film as a horror story. Available on Netflix.  

Exit to Hell, Tiffany Shepis and Kane Hodder

Yep!  A can't miss combo.  A horror Hall-of-Fame of the 21st Century would absolutely include Kane Hodder and Tiffany Shepis.  I first saw Ms. Shepis in "The Hazing," and then "Abominable." Then, gradually dozens of other horror films. Kane Hodder, coming up on 60 years of age, is the most famous monster of all time.  He has played Jason Voorhees and Hatchet, and is responsible for the murders of perhaps hundreds of, semi-deserving victims in slasher films.  Today, we examine 2013's "Exit to Hell," a Grindhouse offering from Robert Conway. Be warned....this is a film starring Kane Hodder and Tiffany Shepis.  Gore, nudity, disembowelment, and more gore will prevail.  This dark film will show no mercy, just as Mr. Hodder's best characters are created.

As our film begins, we are briefly introduced to Redstone, Arizona.  The worst vermin of mankind seem to end up there.  Two drug dealers, having just ripped off other drug dealers, run out of gas there.  Sheriff Sickle (Hodder), armed with....a sickle...disembowels them.  Fast forward...a strip joint run by the Russian mob, featuring Electra, aka Jenna (Shepis), is the main event there.  Her and a babe bartender, Tasha (Taryn M. Dafoe), along with two other club workers, Travis (Dustin Leighton) and Randy (Owen Conway) rip the joint off one night.  The robbery is vicious, as our quartet kill just about everyone in the place.  Jenna even uses her stiletto heel as a weapon. The press labels the carnage as "The Silicone Massacre."  Uh oh....Yakov (Jason Spisak), the mobster/owner wants his loot, and pursues.

Driving toward the border, our miserable quartet runs out of gas in....Redstone.  After dealing with a disgusting restroom, and a creepy gas station attendant (Dan Higgins) our killers quickly find themselves on the run from Sheriff Sickle.  Armed with a cop cruiser fitted with a rocket launcher, and some features that would impress Mad Max, the chase is a short one.  First captured is Tara (pictured above), and her fate is most gruesome.  Sickle is all killer...and all cannibal, as Jenna will find out when she is captured and forced to dine with Sickle and his cannibal family.  No spoilers here, but every character we meet maxes out in either the evil or creepy category.  No one will emerge unscathed....but will anyone survive? The ending is quirky, and the acting is perfect.  Not for the squeamish, but lovers of Grindhouse and dark horror will love this action flick.

Stomach turning and energetic, "Exit to Hell" is a good elixir if you have small children and have just viewed several episodes of "Veggie Tales" or "Thomas the Tank Engine."  Chainsaws, butcher tools, guns, and big knives are all featured prominently in this film.  Available on Netflix, enjoy Ms. Shepis and Mr. Hodder...two stalwarts of modern horror.   

Late Phases, The Veteran vs. The Werewolf

As a society we are all too quick to many of the more noble among us into the attic.  The elderly, disabled, and veterans of old wars are just too inconvenient to value and give the praise they deserve. The proud and stoic among those classes are never comfortable in today's world of celebrity deification and technological innovations.  As in the film "Mulberry Street" (see my review on March 4, 2015), our protagonist in 2014's "Late Phases" is just such a person.  Nick Damici portrays a veteran of the conflict in Vietnam.  He is proud.  He is stoic.  He is blind....and society has no patience for him.  Perhaps he is a reminder of how shallow we have become, and how noble men once were.  When evil calls, it takes a man like this to fight it...as today's men just aren't up to the task.

In a heartbreaking scene, Ambrose (Damici) is moved into an old folks community by his son, Will (Ethan Embry).  The blind Ambrose has become an inconvenience to Will, who has his own life to live.  Proud, and coming to terms with failing health and blindness, Ambrose is a grouch.  When a trio of old ladies, including Tina Louise from "Gilligan's Island," welcome him to the neighborhood, our protagonist sends them on their way in a rude fashion. That night, he hears his neighbor (Karen Lynn Gorney of "Saturday Night Fever") ripped to shreds by a werewolf.  Knowing no one will believe him, and that as a witness, he will be the next intended victim, Ambrose does what he does best...prepares for battle.  The police are confident that the death was an animal attack, but Ambrose knows better.  During the attack, the monster attempted to eat Ambrose, but he was saved by his service dog, who died in the battle.

In the 28 days until the next full moon, the blind Ambrose listens, smells, and pays attention to his surroundings.  Horrifying his neighbors by handling firearms, hoarding ammunition, and using a menacing, sharpened spade instead of a cane, the old fogies of his community begin to shun him. Ambrose is a man of war, and he has been attacked...the sensibilities of the weak are of no consequence to him.  As Ambrose comes to terms with his own mortality, and sins of his past, he believes himself ready for the next full moon.  Bad news! The werewolf sees that Ambrose is preparing and it also prepares for a battle.  The next attack will not resemble the previous one, and Ambrose will have to improvise, adapt and overcome if he wants to prevail.

Ambrose will fight the final battle alone, just as he is living the twilight of his life.  With mortality closing in, a late surge of emotion will have our hero trying to form a more tender relationship with his son.  As the next full moon hits, the carnage is maximized, and Ambrose's survival and combat skills will be put through horrific tests. When the identity of the werewolf is revealed, though Ambrose knew all along, fans of 1980s horror films will gasp.  Available on Netflix, "Late Phases" may be a metaphor for the carnage we all face when we discard our noble elders.  

Cyborg 009-1: Japanese Cyborg and Cat-Fights

Clad in a leather mini-skirt, thigh high red boots, and a top containing machine-gun breasts, Cyborg 009-1 is ready to save the world.  The seductive Mayuko Iwasa has the title role, and before the film is over, she will be challenged by other hot cyborgs, beautiful Japanese femme fatales, mad-scientists, covert evil government organizations, and a helicopter gunship.  Samurai swords, machine guns, bombs, and military weapons all play vital roles in our film today.  Oh yes, let's not forget about the army of undead mutants.  Of course, since this film is from Japan, the proverbial envelope will be shoved, as our beautiful cyborg will also be lesbian-raped by another babe-cyborg.

Undercover (..not much cover, actually) in a strip club, 009-1 captures the attention of Stinger (Ryohei Abe), a crime lord.  He beckons her to a back room, where they engage in pre-marital sex.  After soliciting secrets out of him, Stinger realizes she is a spy and attempts to shoot her.  Bad idea!  A machine-gun battle erupts, and 009-1 mows down all the criminals letting Stinger's GF, Butterfly (Shizuka Midorikawa) escape after their first cat-fight.  009-1 is a government cyborg working for the west, as the eastern bloc attempts to gain a cold war advantage.  The human side of 009-1 has no memories of her past, and is tasked to find her creator, Dr. Klein (Aya Sugimoto).  Klein, kidnapped by the east, has important secrets, and 009-1 finds her quickly.  During the rescue of Dr.Klein, 009-1 will have some great cat-fights with three babe eastern spies.  Uh-oh...Dr. Klein treats 009-1 as an inanimate object, and appears to be more evil than the eastern enemy.

Bad guys in the west are capturing refugees from the east and harvesting their organs...and Dr. Klein is the recipient of the organs.  009-1 raids the warehouse where this is taking place, getting into another cat-fight with the hot Butterfly, and rescuing the refugees. A mysterious refugee, Chris (Minehiro Kinomoto) hums a melody which triggers childhood memories for 009-1.  The two grow close, and engage in pre-marital sex and vow to find her memories together.  After several double-crosses, 009-1 realizes that even her own organization is bent on her destruction.  On her own, 009-1 seeks out Dr. Klein, whom she believes has the answers to her past.  More battles ensue, and Dr. Klein captures 009-1, unleashing another hot cyborg (Nao Nagasawa) on her.  Chained to a table, with her breast guns deactivated, the evil cyborg rapes 009-1.  Of course, 009-1 escapes and must battle an army of undead mutants before finishing her trek of discovering her past.

 The ending will be wild, as 009-1 reactivates her breast guns.  As 009-1 comes upon shocking truths about her past, and endures a myriad of betrayals, her fight becomes personal.  This film is fun, and shocking at the same time.  Ms. Iwasa is stunning as the cyborg, and her sex-appeal is one of this film's many strengths.  Her cat-fights with Butterfly, the eastern spies, and the evil cyborg, alone, are worth the price of admission.  Available on Netflix as "009-1: The End of the Beginning," fans of Japanese exploitation will not want to miss this feature.

Demon Resurrection, Satanists on Long Island

When visiting Long Island, beware!  The supernatural is not confined to Amityville.  Shot in Long Island, 2008's "Demon Resurrection" is an over-the-top, gory horror film written and directed by William Hopkins. Inscribed on the backside of the DVD, in describing this movie, "H.P. Lovecraft meets Night of the Living Dead."  A good description, no doubt.  However, my catch-line for Mr. Hopkins' flick is "Inseminoid meets The Devil's Rain."  Gore, nudity, disembowelment, a monster baby, and a neat Necrominocon-like book.....a perfect movie for this blog.

An archaeological dig on Long Island unearths a mass grave, 200 years old. The dig is funded by Toth (Will McDonald, pictured below), who has a special interest in the grave's occupants...all buried wearing nooses. Fast forward....John (Damian Ladd) brings Grace (Alexis Golightly) home.  Grace is suffering from a mysterious malady (....if you call being pregnant with Satan's child a malady...let's not be judgmental).  Awaiting them are several of Grace's friends....zombie bait...who plan an intervention.  Over the past year, Grace has not been herself...in fact, she joined Toth's cult.  At first, all was serene in the cult, but that changed when they stripped her, tied her to a tree, and had her raped by a demon from the underworld.  As one might imagine, this soured Grace on this cult. 

Miffed that John rescued Grace from his compound, Toth pays them a visit.  John orders Toth off his property.  Toth does leave, but not before warning the friends to leave before sundown...or else.  Oh yes, using satanic powers, Toth causes John to have a heart episode.  Toth then does a short ceremony out of his magic book and the unearthed corpses re-animate.  Obedient to Toth, the dead-army sets its sight on the house where Grace is giving birth.  Now Grace, who's water has broke, and her friends must fortify their house and defend against a horde who rip out vital organs and intestines for their dinner.  Many of the friends will die horrible deaths at the hands of these hungry creatures, but can Grace and some of her mates survive the night?  Don't sell Grace short...she has her own copy of this magic book.  As Toth is determined to abduct Grace, and the child (Satan's child, actually), Grace will have some very uncomfortable decisions to make.

William Hopkins' direction reminded me a bit of Lucio Fulci.  In some ways, this film resembles that great Italian horror of the 70s and 80s, and in some ways, it resembles Japanese horror in that some of the scenes push that proverbial envelope.  Not for the squeamish, "Demon Resurrection" will deliver on scares, gore, and surprises.  Ms. Golightly is terrific as a woman, seemingly defeated, who pulls it together to do anything she has to in order to save her and her friends.  Find this film and add it to your DVD collection. Available on Amazon.com (DVD and Instant Video).