Track of the Moon Beast, Big Lizards and a Nubile Blonde

A nubile blonde pursued by a big lizard may be understandable in metaphor. However, in B horror, it is also very understandable. In today's politically correct setting, the metaphor may be too obvious...so instead we have Scarlett Johansson as a wooden and dull android in boring sci-fi fare. Thank goodness for a more innocent time. In 1976 we were leaving Vietnam (finally!), college kids still liked college girls and vice versa (who ever thought that would end?), and the moon still held mysteries (Oh yes...it still does...thanks NASA). Also in 1976, hitting the drive-ins, was "Track of the Moon Beast," directed by Richard Ashe.

An asteroid hits the moon sending moon shards to Earth. NASA says there is nothing to worry about...they were wrong (imagine that!).  While courting the sultry blonde Kathy (Leigh Drake), Paul (Chase Cordell) is hit by a shard. He doesn't know, but a small shard penetrates his brain. Kathy and Paul continue to get close and when the moon comes out Paul changes into a big lizard man. Happens...at least in metaphor. One night an unfortunate drunk is shredded outside his home. John (Gregorio Sala) is a professor and friend to Kathy and Paul. He is called in to help the police solve the murder. The murderer seems to be seven feet tall and have the attributes of a lizard. Neither John or Kathy realize what is happening to Paul.

Kathy and Paul fall more in love. A night or two later a few campers are ripped apart by the moon beast. Paul starts feeling ill and is brought for a full check-up. Doctors X-Ray him and see the shard. Now Paul puts it all together. John and Kathy are determined to help him. The moon is due out soon and now Paul does his change act in front of an audience. Doctors don't know what to do but Paul doesn't want to kill anyone else. Professor John, an Indian, gets his bow and arrow ready (really...I'm not making that up), and the cops ready their shotguns. 

In some weird fetish, does Kathy have mixed feelings about being beset by a seven foot lizard man? Is Paul's fate a metaphor for the plight of men on college campuses? Is this predicament actually a good thing for the sultry Kathy as now she can find a guy with earning power? This one is a lot of fun and the rubber suited creature will warm the heart. For a good Friday night 'creature feature' type film, see "Track of the Moon Beast." 

To see this film free on Dark Matter TV, click this link TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST

Witchery, David Hasselhoff, Linda Blair, and Witch Carnage

Fans of David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair might not know about this 1988 gore-fest. Hey! You ever notice when a nubile virgin shows up at a gathering...bad things happen? They attract the wrong crowd. Cults and demons flock to them to implant their seeds. Happens. Of course, when Linda Blair shows up...well, enough said. Today we look at 1988's "Witchery" (aka "Witchcraft"), directed by Fabrizio Laurenti. Filmed in Massachusetts by an Italian director, we can consider this one half-Giallo.

The nubile virgin Leslie (Leslie Cumming) shows up at an abandoned Massachusetts inn, located on a remote island. She's a virgin and wants to research witchcraft that occurred on the island. With her is photographer, Gary (Hasselhoff). He desires to de-virginize her. In these films, abandoned places get crowded fast. A greedy family seeking to buy the inn arrives. Oh yes, a witch's ghost sort of watched out for the place...the Lady in Black (Hildegard Knef). Party time! Oh yes...of note, the sultry realtor, Linda (Catherine Hickland) is also in the party...she's a nymphomaniac. Yep, she'll die horribly during pre-marital sex. 

One by one the intruders, as the Lady in Black sees them, die horribly. First they are pulled into an alternate dimension and tortured by grotesque hags. They'll be burned, impaled, have their mouths sewn shut...etc. Uh oh, Jane (Linda Blair) is pregnant and the witch seeks to possess her. Leslie will be raped and de-virginized by a demon...pretty standard. Linda's romp with a nerdy realtor will end with being impaled by a swordfish...really. One by one, the cast is eliminated in great gore. Now Leslie and Gary try to figure a way off the island but the witch seems to have them locked in. Blood will spurt, skin will bubble, and impalement will be the rule of the day.

This one starts out like a made for TV movie but stick with it...a few minutes into it the gore begins. What does this say for David Hasselhoff that a demon de-virginized Leslie before he could? Would this film have had a wider audience if a few more Baywatch actresses were in it? Shouldn't there be a law against virgins attending gatherings? Bloody and ominous, this straight to video gore-fest will surprise you with how brutal it is. For a neat Friday night horror film party, see "Witchery."

Zombie 4: After Death, Machine Gun Wielding Zombies

I know what you're asking. There are four of them? Five actually. Fear not, I'm in the process of tracking down 2,3, and 5. Still, an Italian zombie film shot in The Philippines...who could ask for anything more? We can! When some of the zombies are given machine guns...then we've been given more. Italian babes and hunks being ripped to shreds by the undead is such a beautiful thing. Today we look at "Zombie 4: After Death," directed by Claudio Fragasso.

20 years ago a scientific team (from Italy I guess) has found a cure for...death! They are on a tropical island where their laboratory has been set up. The voodoo priest's daughter gets cancer and our team treats her. She dies. The priest (James Sampson) is mad. He does what any of us would do...he opens the door to Hell and lets the dead come back to life as zombies. The zombies eat the scientific team. Only a four-year-old girl gets off the island. Now, present day, the little girl is a grown up babe, Jenny (Candice Daly). She is drawn back to the island by a mysterious force with a bunch of mercenaries and a babe named Louise (Adrianne Joseph). Their mission? Who knows? Also invading the cursed island are three hikers looking for the cave where this curse started.

The hikers, Chuck (Jeff Stryker), David (Massimo Vanni), and an uncredited babe find the cave and accidentally open up the door to Hell again. Only Chuck survives and he's buff. Now all the dead rise and beset our mercenary friends. Jenny remembers what she is doing there. She must close the door to Hell and lock it...she actually has a key...really! The mercenaries have machine guns and soon, the zombies will have them. Louise will be eaten and turned as will the uncredited babe leaving Jenny as the only nubile babe in this film. The zombies keep coming even after the hunks figure out a shot to the head will kill them. Chuck, and he's buff, will join the surviving mercenaries and Jenny and help them fight off the things. Now Jenny realizes the only way to stop the horror is to find that cave where it all started and go into it to lock up Hell.

Did Candice Daly have a clause in her contract that stipulated no other babe would survive this film? Is Jenny's key to Hell a metaphor for the free-falling relationship between Italy and The Philippines? Do any of these mercenaries have a prayer against machine gun wielding zombies? There will be a lot of gore, machine guns, and hunks grunting. Bad dubbing and exotic locations will rule the day in a must see horror film, "Zombie 4: After Death."

Beast of Blood, A Detached Head and a Mad Scientist...and Babes

Eddie Romero may be one of the greatest Filipino film makers ever. Today's feature picks up where BRIDES OF BLOOD left off. Decapitations, a ruthless mad-scientist, island babes wearing very little and engaging in pre-marital sex, and a handsome square-jawed hero are present in this one too, Many of us who have tried grafting someone's head onto someone else's body will be able to relate to this plot. Now we look at 1970's "Beast of Blood," directed by Eddie Romero.

Dr. Bill Foster (John Ashley) barely got off Blood Island alive with his nubile islander babe. Uh oh...an axe wielding monster also got on the boat and kills everyone on board including the babe...and the ship blows up. Two survivors, Bill and...the monster. Bill is rescued at sea and nursed back to health. He returns to the island to find out about the fiend that killed his babe. The fiend made it back to the island and is promptly decapitated by the surviving mad-scientist, Dr. Lorca (Eddie Garcia). Accompanying Bill is a reporter, Myra (Celeste Yarnell). She's a babe. Meeting Bill on the island is the tribe who he lived with...including the chief's daughter Laida (Liza Belmonte).She's a babe. Both babes will try to have pre-marital sex with the grouchy Bill...but he refuses...for now.

Okay. Lorca has the monster in his lab. His head is in a machine against the wall and the body is on a gurney. He taunts and teases the thing which he keeps alive. Beware, the head is learning to control his detached body...and promises revenge. Lorca abducts natives, cuts their heads off, and tries to put them on the detached body. So far, unsuccessfully. Bill finds out Lorca is still alive and has abducted Myra. The mad scientist wants Myra to give him a child...or watch while she has pre-marital sex with Bill. Bill shows up and is appalled. Laida mounts an army of islanders to invade Lorca's mansion. Lorca also continues to taunt the detached head...which will probably not end well. Finally, Bill will give Myra pre-marital sex...I'm sure he was disappointing.

What will be Lorca's fate if the detached head is able to fully control the detached body? Will Laida pull out Myra's hair and scratch out her eyes when she finds out Bill had sex with her first? If he survives, could Dr. Lorca find work at a major pharmaceutical company (or the CDC)? This is a bloody one with a lot of gratuitous islander babe scenes. For a neat film for date night, see "Beast of Blood."

To see this movie free on Dark Matter TV click on this link BEAST OF BLOOD

 

Cherry 2000, Pleasure Androids...A Good Idea?

As political correctness and the cancel culture take hold, we must ask if 1987's "Cherry 2000" is a prescient view into the future. Set in 2017, the film raises a lot of questions that many men (sorry gals) are asking today. As dating and courting (and even foreplay) are re-classified as sexual harassment and sexual assault, college kids and young men talk among themselves about the concept of pleasure androids. An android that looks and feels like a real babe devoted to serve all the owner's desires. They don't complain or file complaints with the Human Resources Division. This film was made at the height of Melanie Griffith's stardom and features the lovely Pamela Gridley (alas, she died too young) as the android.

Cherry 2000, the Mercedes-Benz of pleasure androids, short circuits during steamy sex in soap suds. Hey, don't knock it until you try it. Chery 2000 was perfect and Sam (David Andrews) is very sad and lonely now. Bad news...they aren't made anymore. Sam is desperate to find another Cherry 2000 and learns there is a warehouse of abandoned robots like these in the forbidden zone (Vegas). He hires a guide, Johnson (Griffith), a spunky redhead who is human. She is tough and capable and the two hop into her souped up Ford Mustang and drive into the desert forbidden zone. They are beset immediately by a gang controlled by warlord Lester (Tim Thomerson).

After some chases and battles very similar to scenes in "The Road Warrior," our duo is headed straight to Vegas so Sam can find a replacement. Lester is a terrific character and describes the Cherry 2000 well, "Get one of those fired up and its like slamming an octopus." Oh, the imagery! Instead of gun fights, though we have those, we are treated to a fight with rocket launchers...yes! Uh oh...Sam and Johnson start falling in love and almost have pre-marital sex before they are stopped by the Cherry 2000 (you'll see). Now Lester and his murdering gang are closing in on our duo as they reach their destination.

If Johnson and Sam do fall in love, what will be the fate of the Cherry 2000? Again, if the two do fall in love, are all us guys going to scream, "No! Choose the android!"?  If the Chinese or Japanese do invent the Cherry 2000, will college administrations force boys to date girls as part of Title IX? Directed by Steve De Jarnatt, "Cherry 2000," whether you like it or not, poses some interesting questions about the direction we are headed in 2021. See "Cherry 2000," and ponder which is preferable...21st century men/women relationships, or the availability of the Cherry 2000. 

Night Fright, Space Monster and Nubile College Chicks

Total failure! The U.S. space program since President Ford has been a total failure. What once captivated the imaginations of school children revealing the possibility of traveling to the stars devolved into boring idiocy about the dubious science of and 'global warming.' In 1967, the space program still captured our imaginations and that is when "Night Fright" hit the silver screen. Say what you want about this John Agar classic, it is infinitely more stimulating than what out space program has become. NASA take note! 

As NASA continues to waste our time, in this film, an experimental ship is sent hundreds of thousands of miles into space. The purpose is to test gamma rays and how they effect animals. Today, school children don't even know what gamma rays are. The ship crashes in a small town where Sherriff Clint (Agar) keeps order. The feds show up but don't tell anyone anything...an accurate depiction, I'm afraid. Instantly, great looking college kids begin getting ripped apart while necking. Clint is romancing Nurse Joan (Carol Gilley), and she looks great in her white uniform. Okay, two college lovebirds, Chris (Ralph Baker, Jr.) and Judy (Dorothy Davis) frolic and look for places to neck. They keep getting interrupted by either shredded friends or Sheriff Clint...so sad.

A party is planned for the lake. It'll give us many gratuitous scenes of coed hips and buttocks swaying like mad. The grouchy Clint, knowing a monster is loose, tries to warn the kids but they ignore him. Bad move. Now the behemoth hunk mutation makes its way over to the lake. Don't ask, but even the nubile nurse in white, Joan, is in the monster's scope. The low energy Clint comes up with a plan and it just might soil Joan's beautiful and pure white nurse's uniform. As hot coeds and their hunks keep getting shredded, Clint enacts his plan, and Joan gets ready to let out a blood curdling scream.

Will the nubile Joan have to clean bloodstains off her lily white uniform? Will the low energy Clint ever plant a hard wet one on the lips of the nubile Nurse Joan? Are college hunks and sorority chicks really that great of a loss to risk the life of the babe in white? However bad this film is, it is much better than what NASA has been feeding us for the last 40 years. For some cheesy B movie fun, see "Night Fright."

Redwood Massacre: Annihilation, Disembowelment Galore

A little over two years ago I posted a review of THE REDWOOD MASSACRE . This was one of the most brutal slasher films ever made. You know the type...when a nubile lass frolics into danger we pray for a quick death for her. So now we have a sequel, 2020's "Redwood Massacre: Annihilation," also directed by David Ryan Keith. You know this one is gong to be rad as 16 actors are listed in the credits as 'murder victims.' Yes! The burlap sack mask killer is back with all his rusty saws and blades...this time he has help from...nope, no spoilers here.

Max (Damien Puckler) is a big fan (worshipper) of the masked killer. Uh oh...he is also a psycho killer, himself. As the film begins he is torturing to death the survivor of The Redwood Massacre (Lisa Cameron). He wants to find the masked killer, study him, and worship the ground he walks on. Also wanting to find the killer is the dad of one of his victims, Tom (Jon Campling). Tom is approached by Max. Max claims to have found some of the artifacts of the enigmatic monster (Benjamin Selway),  Tom convinces his kickboxing daughter, Laura (Danielle Harris) to join in. She is hesitant and does not trust Max...good call. Laura's two pals also join in...the brute, giant of a man Gus (Gary Kasper), and babe Jen (Tevy Poe). Jen is quite sultry, unfortunately, being fifth in the credits, she has "I will die horribly" written all over her.

The group heads into the woods to seek the masked monster. No one knows Max is just as dangerous as the one they seek. They head for the one spot they have not searched yet. No spoilers here, but they find it. After they get in they find eyes, human organs including a tally-whacker, severed limbs, human skins, etc. They also meet the sultry Donna (Stephanie Lynn Styles). Who is Donna? Not telling! I will say she has emerged as one of my favorite characters in horror film history. Machetes will be wielded and internal organs will be yanked out. Poor Jen...her fate was foretold by the horror film gods. Then the reveal. It will be shocking and ambitious. You just might ask yourself who the real monsters are.

Is there any chance of sewing Jen back up and...well, never mind this question. Will little Laura's kickboxing abilities be of any use against the burlap sack killer? When and how will Max reveal to his team mates that he is just as psycho as the one they seek? This is a great slasher film with gore, shocks, and severed heads. If you are sick of the mainstream horror films which non-horror fans also enjoy, do yourself a favor and see "Redwood Massacre: Annihilation."