Death Run, Before The Walking Dead

Though it has waned since then, the 1980s were a hot time for the anti-nuclear movement.  Helen Caldicott of Physicians for Social Responsibility was a frequent speaker at college campuses reminding students that one nuclear bomb could ruin their whole day.  Just as fervent was the pace at which films hit the screen depicting apocalyptic wastelands after the nuclear holocaust.  1987's "Death Run" is our feature today.  Though Michael J. Murphy, the film's writer and director, probably had no idea his work would inspire the hottest television show decades later, "Death Run" (made in the United Kingdom) may have done just that.

With nuclear war imminent, a scientist (Kay Lowery) puts her son Paul (Rob Bartlett) and his girlfriend  Jenny (Wendy Parsons) in cryogenic sleep for 25 years.  The lovers wake to a world decimated by nuclear war. Bad news: Merry old England is populated by mutant zombies with pulsating sores on their faces and an evil tribe headed by a Nazi, bisexual, deformed warlord called the Messiah (Patrick Olliver). Our youthful lovers are captured by the Messiah's tribe. The Messiah is a Negan type figure and proceeds to brutally rape Jenny in a most awkward scene.  Thanks to a tight leather mini-skirt babe named Barbara (Debbi Stevens), Jenny, Paul, a man known as Hero (Eddie Kirby) and herself escape;. Uh oh, the world outside Messiah's city isn't that much better.

As our quartet flee from those pulsating zombies and Messiah's henchmen, they take refuge with a camp of rebels.  Double uh-oh, these aren't rebels, and they proceed to eat Jenny (...no worries, she was kind of annoying).  Horrified, the now trio realize they must return to the city and kill the Messiah.  Their plan is far-fetched, but just may work.  To succeed, Paul must be captured and be put through the dreaded Death Run!

What does the Death Run have in store for Paul? Did Jenny have good taste?  Will blonde, futuristic bimbo Barbara be more to Paul's liking?  No spoilers here, but as cheesy and basic as this plot is, fans of The Walking Dead will note plenty of plot devices utilized by the hit AMC show.  Plenty of gore and neat looking pulsating zombies keep this film watchable.  For those of us disappointed in season 7 of "The Walking Dead," "Death Run" is a fabulous alternative.

Death Race 2050, Carnage in a Globalist World

After seeing many IMDB viewer reviews claiming 2017's "Death Race 2050" was the worst film ever made, I just had to see it.  Those reviewers must not have seen "Rogue One."  Then again, no one appreciates Roger Corman like I do.  The B movie icon produced this one. Whether a sequel to "Death Race 2000" or a re-boot, this tongue-and-cheek satire is packed with social commentary and gut-flying gore.

The world is now ruled by corporations.  The U.S. landscape has changed.  The good-peeps of this country now live in a neglected wasteland and automation has hiked the unemployment rate to 99%. Washington, DC has been relocated to Dubai, and to keep the great unwashed masses from revolting, the government addicts them to the Death Race.  This contest features five cars travelling across the continent, and racers earn points for mowing down pedestrians (after all, this race also helps keep the population under control).  Frankenstein (Manu Bennett) is everyone's favorite racer.  He, as are the other contestants, is matched up with a contest winner proxy, Annie (Marci Miller).

The race begins and lots of citizens are mowed down as their intestines go flying.  Jed Perfectus (Burt Grinstead) is Frank's main rival.  Jed is a genetically engineered man struggling with his sexuality.  Tammy the Terrorist (Anessa Ramsey) is a babe and radical evangelical.  She begins the race by blowing up Section G of the stadium.  But wait, a group of freedom fighters seeks to destroy all the racers.  Malcolm McDowell plays the corporate ruler of the world and Yancy Butler plays his apparent rival, Alexis, head of the rebels.  The racers go through such cities as New Shitsville (formerly Baltimore) and Walmartinique (formerly Arkansas).  We are told this area of middle America smells like BBQ and bed sores. As the carnage increases we learn Annie is actually a freedom fighter sent to kill Frank.  Uh oh, our beautiful rebel begins to fall in love with Frank.  Double uh-oh, rebel leadership might be in bed (literally and figuratively) with the Corporation.

Will Frank and Annie figure out that they both are racing into betrayal? Will the 99% find inspiration from Death Race to rise up against the one per-centers? Available on Netflix, "Death Race 2050" is the perfect film to bring back your balance if you were unfortunate enough to be dragged to "La La Land."

Mardi Gras Massacre, Aztec Psycho vs. Women of the Night

As New Orleans prepares for Mardi Gras, perhaps 1978's "Mardi Gras Massacre" can act as a training video.  Gratuitous, in violence and nudity, to the max, this film captures the essence of this Big Easy celebration...frivolity and decadence.  With over-the-top gore and misogyny, our film today teeters on a corny romance and a horror gore-fest in which lovely women have their organs torn out of their torsos.  True, some may darkly call this an appropriate metaphor for the festivities occurring in this historic city just before Lent.

For the most part, Aztec High Priest-wannabes are a valuable ingredient in an ever diverse society.  However...when Mardi Gras appears on their calendar, it is possible for anti-social behavior to manifest. Such happens here as John (William Metzo) walks into a bar (...no, not a joke) and asks for the most evil prostitute in the room. In the first instance he brings Shirley (Laura Misch Owens) home, has her strip, ties her to an altar, dons Aztec garb, rubs sacred oil all over her, and cuts her abdomen before reaching in and yanking her heart out.  This scene is repeated with more prostitutes later on.

The New Orleans Police are on the case, more specifically Detective Hebert ( Curt Dawson). Following up on clues takes a back seat to finding dates for our horny detective. Instead of questioning Shirley's prostitute pals, Hebert starts romancing her pal Sherry (Gwen Arment). Sherry and Hebert fall in love.  They laugh...they frolic...they have lots of pre-marital sex...and yes, they eat lots of beignets  at Cafe Du Monde. As John continues to go through prostitutes like crap through a goose, we sense that he has something grand planned for Fat Tuesday.  Is Sherry part of this plan? If she is, will Hebert begin tracking down clues?

Is the judgmental portrayal of Aztecs a mere example of the establishment Catholic bias against religions using human sacrifice?  Is the prostitution trade in New Orleans a more exact way of finding a date for cops than Match.com?  With lots of ominous gore and shoddy camera work, "Mardi Gras Massacre" went down as a 1970s drive-in favorite.  Not for the weak of stomach, but a great elixir for those of you who were dragged to see "La La Land."

The Rezort, The After-Party of the Apocalypse

As the latest season of "The Walking Dead" on AMC disappoints, in ratings and action, we all wonder if the zombie sub-genre of horror needs a hiatus.  Have film makers run out of good ideas for these films?  Are we at the point where nothing about the living dead can shock us?  Perhaps.  On a less intellectual level, today we look at 2015's "The Rezort."  Directed by Steve Barker, this film (appearing now on Netflix) may not change the minds of critics of modern zombie films, but in all fairness, this flick does a lot that is refreshing.  The strength of this film is that it is unapologetic about being an action film, maybe resembling a video game.  "The Rezort" eschews all temptation to fill up the 90 minutes with a soap opera drama.

The war is over. Human casualties numbered two-billion.  Relatively cheap outcome for a zombie apocalypse.  The war on zombies, like all wars, left it's share of scars.  Hence The Rezort!  A remote island where survivors can go and continue killing the living dead. The virus dissipated, but our island has a cache of thousands of zombies.  In a very controlled wilderness environment, hunters converge on this paradise to have guided safaris (...zafaris, actually) in pursuit of the formerly us. Melanie (Jessica De Gouw), struggling to come to terms of the loss of her dad arrives here with her fiance Lewis (Martin McCann).

The Rezort, run by the mysterious billionaire philanthropist Wilton (Clair Goose) is a Fantasy Island type setting.  Five-star amenities and guided hunts.  Uh oh, the lovely Sadie (Elen Rhys) sabotages the island's computers and now all locks are opened, all fences are down, and a handful of hunters must now engage in a fair fight against thousands of fiends.  The main resort is overrun in no time, but our handful of hunters, led by the mysterious Archer (Dougray Scott) attempt to make their way to safety.  Racing against a doomsday clock (you'll see), our group shrinks in number.  Uh oh, in their quest to safety, Archer, Melanie, and a handful of survivors discover some horrific truths about The Rezort.

Why did Sadie sabotage The Rezort?  What are the real motivations of Wilton and The Rezort?  Is the zombie outbreak really confined to this remote island?  Even those who detest this film,will love the cast of tens of thousands type ending.  For some mindless (after all, it is a zombie film) fun. catch "The Rezort"..or be a wuss and let your spouse drag you to "La La Land.".

Romeo's Distress, Shakespeare meets Poe

No phrase inspires a restraining order like, "...nothing will keep us apart." Ah, but we live in such a cynical time where we implore our children to be careful and mistrust everyone.  In a more romantic time the aforementioned words inspired great love stories. Hundreds of years ago, inspired by the nubile Anne Hathaway, and a poetic youthfulness, William Shakespeare wrote "Romeo and Juliet."  A tale of forbidden love falling victim to social norms and the cynicism of our elders.  More than 400 years after that tragedy, Jeff Frumess has made a Gothic horror film called "Romeo's Distress."

In a surreal beginning, we meet our modern day Romeo and Juliet.  They are Jane (Kimberely A. Peterson) and James (Anthony Malchar).  A syrupy sweet couple exuding love and bliss out of every pore.  Not all is seashells and balloons, however. Ominous circumstances commence as Jane's dad. Dale (Jeffrey Alan Solomon) sends his henchman, Bobby (Adam Stordy) after him.  In James' zeal to love Jane forever, he will suffer numerous beatings ordered by Dale.

As Dale ramps up his efforts to deter James' hormones, we the viewer develop a very uncomfortable feeling about what is really going on.  No spoilers here, but horror fans will see that director Jeff Frumess has been influenced by, not only Shakespeare's story, but by George Romero, Edgar Allan Poe, and perhaps David Lynch. A love story?  Perhaps.  A horror film?  Oh yes.  As the 'love story' continues, you will get increasingly squeamish about what is developing on that silver screen.

Seize the day...or Carpe Diem!  Anything and everything in the cause of love!  That may work in romance novels, but in the world of Gothic horror...well...you'll see how that ends.  Mr. Frumess keeps us gasping and uncomfortable (there's that word again).  The performances are terrific and cinematography adds to the feeling of ominous dread that is obviously approaching.  Perhaps an anti-Shakespeare take on the classic tragedy.  Or, perhaps "Romeo's Distress" is an appropriate horror re-imagining of "Romeo and Juliet."  After all, the ending of the Shakespeare work is horrific.
To find "Romeo's Distress" on Facebook click on this link Facebook Romeo
To see the trailer, click on this link Romeo Trailer

Grizzly 2: The Concert, Bear Monster vs. Valley Girl

Children of the 80s (especially teenage boys) fell in love with Deborah Foreman after she starred in "Valley Girl." Even Siskel and Ebert were drooling when showing a clip of that film in which Ms. Foreman was wearing a bikini. But wait!  How many of you know that this valley girl had another film hit the silver screen in 1983? Any guesses?  Here's a hint...this movie introduced Laura Dern and George Clooney.  Yep..."Grizzly 2: The Concert." No teenage drama here, but lots of limbs flying, faces clawed, and dismemberment highlight this horror film. Don't get too excited about Dern and Clooney, they are dissected (as is their pal Charlie Sheen) and eaten by the grizzly just after Ms. Dern does a striptease to Michael Jackson's 'Billy Jean.'

Laura Dern begins her striptease

A grizzly rips apart George Clooney, Laura Dern, Charlie Sheen, two babe campers, a poacher, and a ranger. The mayor of the mountainside community (Louise Fletcher) refuses to admit a killer mammal is loose, as a big concert is planned which will bring in lots of revenue.  The head ranger, Nick (Steve Inwood), assembles more rangers and hunters to kill this boating accident.  His main squeeze, the annoying scientist Sam (Deborah Raffin) insists they not kill the creature but tranquilize it instead...will genius never cease?  Also in on the fun are some redneck poachers and a Quint like hunter, Bouchard (John Rhys-Davies).  As more fall to the bear, the huge rock concert is underway.

Deborah Raffin, Bear activist 

Okay, Chrissy (Foreman).  She is Nick's love-struck daughter.  The sweet and very cute girl is hired as a gofer by the concert promoter and spends a lot of time drooling over rock musicians and looking very sweet and cute.  As Sam and Bouchard spar over the proper way to neutralize this furry threat, Chrissy keeps looking sweet and cute. Alas, the crazed beast heads toward the concert where Barbie Wilde and her robotic girl band perform and Chrissy keeps doing sweet and cute things.  Will the poachers, the posse, Sam, and Bouchard be able to stop the fiend before it crashes the concert? Will the very sweet and cute Deborah Foreman survive the claws of the devil bear?

Barbie Wilde performs

You might be asking yourself 'how did I miss  this one?'  Filmed in Hungary in 1983, the film makers did not pay their bills to Hungarian vendors, hence all footage was seized by that government. For almost 25 years this film was a mere rumor until it mysteriously showed up on the internet in '07. This info courtesy of IMDB. Gore, cheesiness and some very entertaining (debatable) music ensue.  Take heart you George Clooney fans, "Grizzly 2" is a much better film than "Solaris."  Ice cream sundae fans will love the sweetness and cuteness of Deborah Foreman.  Enjoy, and feel free to hunt down CDs of Barbie Wilde's robotic techno all-girl band.

Attack of the Killer Shrews!, You Shrews, You Lose

There is nothing tame about these shrews.  Unlike Shakespeare's shrews, 2016's "Attack of the Killer Shrews!" brings us blood, carnage, cheesy special creature effects, and annoying mascot drama (you'll see, but it is quite satisfying).  In this Ken Cosentino film, an epic re-imaging of the 1959 classic hits our screen in bright, splattered red.  With a hearty endorsement from Troma's Lloyd Kaufman, some hot babes, mad scientists, square jawed heroes, the military, and toothy creatures converge in horrific comedy.

The original "Attack of the Killer Shrews" is a MST3K classic.  A horror film with many unintentional comedic elements.  In Mr. Consentino's film, the comedy isn't so unintentional.  Fear not, lots of blood will be sprayed and plenty of creatures, over-the-top cheesy as they might be, prance throughout this entire work.  Initially, the plot of these two films is similar.  After a mad scientist's (Mick O'Keefe) experiment goes wrong and unleashes a horde of dog sized shrews on a community, a professor's home is the first to be invaded.  Professor Perry (Jonathan Rogers), the world's greatest scientist (just ask him), is hosting a small party.  His agent, Lewis (Marcus Ganci-Rotella), his babe Cassandra (Cheryl Szymczak), the sultry B movie queen Fiona Rae (Elizabeth Houlihan) and the sheriff (Bill Kennedy) are in attendance.

The shrews, just like zombies, have a penchant for getting in, and soon the professor's home is infested.  After a bloody battle indoors, the party goers flee.  Uh oh, the shrews are now all over town. Perry man's up and utters the heroic phrase, "I have a score to settle with some shrews, and I have a pocket full of shells."  As the sexy Cassandra screams, Fiona Rae man's up and together with the sheriff begin taking the fight to the vermin.  But wait!  The military arrives.  These guys aren't exactly the SEALs, and their strategy may do more harm than the shrews.  Will this western New York community survive the shrews, the military, and a shotgun wielding professor?  Will Fiona Rae make her next screen test?

The ending will be bloody and explosive and on a grander scale than "Dr. Strangelove." Though a comedy, Mr. Consentino obviously possesses a respect for the original B horror film from 1959. The shrews are hilarious looking and are enhanced by the comedic acting of the protagonists.  All the acting is first class and I tip my hat to Ms. Houlihan's portrayal of a 1950s type scream queen (this blog loves scream queens).  Visit the website of "Attack of the Killer Shrews!" by clicking on this link Killer Shrew Movie