Tuesday, March 5, 2019

13 Hours in a Warehouse, Ghosts Botch a Robbery

Ah...those pesky ghosts. Then, if those ghosts are angry...bad news! What's worse, if the angry and pesky ghosts are women ghosts...well...watch out! Too bad for the schmucks in this film, as they actually have a pretty good plan. When schmucks enact a plan it never goes well. Add ghosts to the mix and it really won't go well. Hence 2008's "13 Hours in a Warehouse." This might be the best film ever to be shot entirely in Minneapolis.
Six schmucks have a perfect plan. I got to give it to the filmmakers, it really does sound like a good plan. They are going to hit an art gallery...quickly in...quickly out. What could go wrong? Schmucks are doing the job so you can figure something will. Yep, their getaway car is stolen forced them to carjack a babe, Jennifer (Meisha Johnson). While the heat is on the six schmucks hole up in an abandoned warehouse. Mike and Randy (Daniel Jay Salmen and Chars Bonin) are very familiar with the place as their dad used to film porn movies in there. Uh oh...Jennifer the hostage has seen all their faces.
The boys need to wait 13 hours until the big guys get there...don't ask why. The 13 hours will turn into a horror show as mysterious numbers begin appearing on the walls...and written in blood. Then some weird female ghosts appear...first to Jennifer, and then to the guys. The ghosts seem to have an axe to grind...or a toilet seat to grind, as they will decapitate Craig (Paul Cram) with that toilet seat...after castrating him. One by one a trio of ghosts hunt the schmucks. As the kills increase Mike and Randy learn some unsettling facts about their dad. Here's a clue...they weren't porn movies he was filming...think snuff!
Will the ghosts go after Jennifer? Do any of the schmucks have a prayer at surviving? Is a man decapitated by a toilet seat after being castrated a plot device that makes this film the most profound feminist statement ever coming out of Hollywood...or Minneapolis? If the #MeToo movement had survived, "13 Hours in a Warehouse" may have become its rallying cry. For all you two-bit schmucks looking for a big score out there, watch "13 Hours in a Warehouse" and stay in school for that diploma.

1 comment:

  1. Just loved this review, it all makes sense now, those junkies who were paid a lump sum for their one last dying performance are now getting their revenge, bravo sir