Thursday, May 13, 2021

Lake of Dracula, Vampire Besets Sisters

He did get around...Count Dracula, that is.  In a Michio Yamamoto trilogy, Dracula invades Japan. 1971's "Lake of Dracula" is his first film in the trilogy. All the films will have beset Japanese babes, many not faring well.  All three films boast of wild endings with a lot of blood, screaming, and nubile damsels in much peril. 

Akiko (Midori Fujita) and her sister Natsuko (Sanae Emi) are a beautiful pair of sisters who reside near a resort lake. Akiki is haunted by a dream from a childhood that has inspired her to paint a horrific picture of a madman with evil yellow eyes. All is not dreadful for Akiko, she has a hunk boyfriend, a doctor. Dr. Takashi (Chuei Takahashi) adores Akiko. Her sister Natsuko is trying to get him to ask Akiko to marry him. Uh oh...a mysterious crate is delivered to the caretaker of the resort. Yep, it is a coffin with you know who in it. Now beautiful women start turning up almost dead with fang marks on their neck. Uh oh, Natsuko is acting strange...and soon she will also grow fangs.

Natsuko isn't the vampire's first choice...Akiko is. Natsuko helps the toothy menace capture Akiko. Not so fast, Takashi, who has treated blood drained babes at the hospital, figures out what is going on. He rushes in to save the nubile Akiko. With Akiko in mortal danger, Takashi hypnotizes Akiko so she will remember the horrible childhood dream that inspired her macabre painting. Takashi better hurry, Natsuko has just drained a pretty nurse in white of her blood. Now Akiko's repressed memory will lead her and Takashi to the hidden mansion where the vampire and Natsuko await.

The ending is wild and loud...and the nubile damsels are quite sultry. For you ladies, Takashi and the vampire are quite buff, and will be pleasing to your eyes. Will the beautiful nurse in white also turn into a vampire? Will Natsuko bite her sister, or will the mysterious kin of Dracula save her for himself? Will Dracula entertain the possibility of a threesome with sisters? This is a good one and Hammer Studios would have been proud. For an action and blood packed vampire film, see "Lake of Dracula."

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Happy Hell Night, Frat Boys and Sorority Gals Shredded

You'll never guess! A slasher film from the 1980s focusing on hunk frat boys and sultry sorority dames! Who would've thunk it!  Throw in some paranormal satanic rites, a psycho Satanist priest, pickaxe murders, severed limbs, and all sorts of other gore.  Oh yes...a dominatrix (Gala Videnovic) and sultry foreign exchange student,  and pre-marital sex will also dot the landscape on 1982's "Happy Hell Night," directed by Brian Owens.

A fraternity prank many years ago revives a demon who occupies a priest, Father Malius (Charles Cragin).  Many years later the same fraternity is trying to win the "Best Prank" award.  They will recreate the prank by sending two pledges, Ralph (Jeffrey Miller) and Sonny (Frankie Hughes) to infiltrate the asylum and see Malius. Oh! Sonny is banging Liz (Laura Carney).  See, Liz is Eric's GF (Nick Gregory). Plus, Sonny is Eric's younger brother. Eric is the fraternity president.  Big party for Hell Night.  Many sultry sorority chicks are on their way for pre-marital sex.  All of them will be chopped up before they can deliver a second line (this includes Jorja Fox).

The asylum prank doesn't go well.  This causes the escape of Malius and the murder of a very pretty nurse in white (Lisa Rankin).  Now Malius is loose and he does not approve of fornicating, television, or pre-marital sex.  His trusty pickaxe will drive his points home and many beautiful coeds and their brute boyfriends will learn their lessons the hard way.  Now Darren McGavin shows up...he is the dad of Eric and Sonny...he won't be much help.  Liz now takes charge, since she knows Latin and can recite some ancient incantations.  Still, Liz is a fornicator and Malius is quite aware of this.

Will Liz and all her sins be able to end Malius' evil torment with a few Latin words?  After screwing both brothers, will Liz seduce Darren McGavin...or does even she have limits?  Is Malius' prudishness something that today's American university system could use a little more of?  Gore, nudity, and deviant sexual practices highlight this 1980s slasher film.  For some great times reminiscent of your 1980s movie going experiences, see "Happy Hell Night."    

Sunday, May 9, 2021

8989 Redstone, When HGTV Goes Paranormal

So sad...the beautiful die so horribly...even in real life. Sultry actress Jen Oda. Related to a real Japanese Shogun, Ms. Oda was felled by her husband in a murder/suicide as she planned a divorce. In today's feature, Ms. Oda plays a producer for an HGTV type renovation/flip show. She'll be beset by evil spirits in an old Detroit mansion as the entity becomes homicidal. As the HGTV offerings get increasingly boring (bring back "Fixer Upper!"), perhaps 2016's "8989 Redstone" offers the network clues on how to put some spice back in their program line-up. Directed by Jay Chapman, this horror yarn can boast of much gore and some impressive cheese.

Mastering Disaster is a reno/flip show hosted by Darryl (Eric Allan Kramer) and his slutty daughter, Rebecca (Lindsay Bushman). The show is produced by the very promiscuous Jo (Oda), who loves pre-marital sex with the crew. This show will feature an old Detroit mansion. Weird stuff begins happening from the outset and the nubile and scantily clad Rebecca begins having weird hallucinations. Rebecca seems to get drawn into the paranormal elements of the house and begins having awful nosebleeds. Darryl has problems keeping crew members including his contractor. They are all getting spooked.  He'll even bring in Buddhist monks to do an exorcism...which won't go well.

As a ghostly presence gets violent and dispenses more crew in a very gory manor, Darryl believes Jo is responsible.  The show host believes Jo is trying to spice up the ratings by throwing in a haunted element to this renovation show. Uh oh...the ghost of the house's original owner (Robb Derringer) appears to Rebecca and when he does, the beauty goes into a deep trance.  Doors to nowhere appear, intestines appear, and a haunted mirror all are used for some classic chills. As Jo gets friskier, so does Rebecca...and the crew members are benefiting from that. Now the blood will flow more intensely, limbs will be chopped off, and Rebecca's underwear selection will get more deviant. 

Will any of the beauties in this film survive this vicious haunting? Would Chip and Joanna Gaines have known what to do if the electrical system was fried by a century old ghost? Just what is behind those doors to nowhere that mysteriously appear? This is a gory one and both Ms. Bushman and Ms. Oda turn in alluring and energetic performances.  For a good time when the GHTV offering fails to deliver, see "8989 Redstone."

Friday, May 7, 2021

Trench 11, Icky World War 1 Parasites

War is gory enough without introducing huge parasitic worms that leak out of the orifices of soldiers. It is a wonder that the incompetence and dereliction of duty of President Woodrow Wilson hasn't led to more WWI horror yarns. World War 1 is not a popular subject, especially because World War 2 provides such great horror fodder. In WW1, the Germans were not yet Nazis and allied idiocy after the Germany's surrender may be said to have led to Hitler and his Nazis. So, keeping it light, we have a WW1 tale of icky parasitic worms. Today's feature is 2017's "Trench 11," directed by Leo Scherman.

Germany is on retreat and The Great War is ending.  The Brits discover a huge trench with a massive tunnel system well behind enemy lines.  Of course Major Jennings (Ted Atherton) knows what the place is...though he isn't letting on.  We find out through German mad scientist, Reiner (Robert Stadlober). Jennings leads an allied team to the trench...and Reiner also heads back to it. The Germans want it destroyed before the allies find it.  The allies want the evil experiments within the trench. Recruited to guide the mission is Lt. Burton (Rossif Sutherland), a capable tunneller. The allies get there first and meet German test subjects...quite violent and quite grotesque.  The test subjects are hard to kill and infect or murder most of allies.

Now Reiner and his Germans arrive.  They get the upper hand on the allies...then the infected get the upper hand on the non-infected.  This will result in much gore as faces are chewed off and icky worms slither out of orifices.  Both sides now need Burton to get them out of the now collapsed trench.  Reiner still clings to his torture methods and the worm infested infected are eager to chew off more faces.  Here is the problem...if anyone leaves alive, the infection could spread throughout France. With madness and infection ruling the day, 'getting out' may not be an option. Still, Burton has reason to live...you'll see.

Are the icky worms a metaphor for President Woodrow Wilson's lack of competence and dementia which may have prolonged a war born out of mistakes and evil intentions?  Will Burton stay un-infected and escape the claustrophobic Hell that is trench warfare?  What did the Brits intend to do with the infection and the worms if they were able to get there first and steal it?  Gory and claustrophobic, "Trench 11" is a perfect film to reinforce the uselessness and folly of modern day war. 

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Trailer Park of Terror, Disembowelment Redneck Style

University professors, writers of dull fiction, and brilliant scientists are as relatable to us as monster worms from outer space.  On occasion it is nice to see a trailer park slut...or maybe other rednecks plying their trades. Sometimes it is nice to see a demolition derby instead of an opera...or eat beef jerky rather than anything organic... or watch a snuff film being made than the 'the making of' section of a superhero DVD. Today we delve into 2008's "Trailer Park of Terror," directed by Steven Goldmann.

Norma (Nichole Hiltz) is a sultry trailer park slut.  She desires to meet a man from the other side of the tracks and leave the park to start her own life.  The trailer park denizens are possessive of their beauty and impale her clean-cut date when he arrives.  Norma is furious and sad and flees her home. A few miles down the road she meets the devil (Trace Adkins).  She and him make an unholy deal and Norma returns to the park with a sawed-off shotgun and murders all the park residents.  She then kills herself. Now the deal...she is back as a she-demon and so are her trailer park antagonists. Now she rules over them for eternity. Enter Pastor Lewis (Matthew Del Negro) and several at-risk teens.  Their bus breaks down on a stormy night and they all must seek refuge at the haunted trailer park.

Norma meets and welcomes them. She is dressed for seduction and will eventually seduce Pastor Lewis...and then rip his head off.  China (Michelle Lee) also returns from the dead.  She was/is a homicidal Asian masseuse.  She'll also seduce and rip internal organs out of aroused at-risk teens.  Amber (Hayley Marie Norman) and Alex (Ryan Carnes) will quickly seek pre-marital sex and find themselves in a snuff production.  Yep, the kills will be quite gory and the ghost/demons of the trailer park denizens in their decomposing states will be very yummy. But wait...problem Goth Bridgit (Jeanette Brox) emerges as a teen with spunk and perhaps 'final girl' potential.  As her mates are sliced up for jerky, decapitated, disemboweled, or have their limbs sawed off...Bridgit survives bombs and traps and even survives a demolition derby to the death.  But will she survive to sunrise?

Will any of the at-risk teens survive the evil seduction or the mad butcher and escape the trailer park from Hell?  Is Norma cursed for all eternity to rule over the park she hated all throughout life? If the evil butcher made the teens into organic jerky, would the wine and brie crowd warm up to this film. For much gore and seduction (Ms. Hiltz is quite alluring), see "Trailer Park of Terror."  

Monday, May 3, 2021

Feast of Flesh, Love Slaves of the Demented

Today, from Argentina, we have a metaphor of the horrible carnage reeked on a once great nation by Evita Peron. 1967's "Feast of Flesh" (aka "Placer Sangriento") is our feature today. A country of beauty and art turned into a cesspool of socialism and poverty...Argentina under the Peron regime. This film has beach babes, frolicking in the surf and making out with beach hunks turned into the love slaves of a mad-scientist who may be a disfigured fiend. Directed by Emilio Vieyra, we have a film that has allure and many Tango-Babes in much peril. 

Some evil figure is injecting Argentinian beach babes with a drug and hypnotizing them with his spooky organ music. Hypnotizing to do what? The frolicking nubile damsels are then summoned to his abode where they get naked, make-out, swap a lot of spit, and probably have pre-marital sex with this monster. When a girl or two shows up dead, an internationally renown detective, Ernesto Lauria (Mauricio De Ferrarris) arrives to lead the investigation.  He'll immediately interview a babe-witness, Beba (Gloria Prat). They'll swap a lot of spit and she will spend the rest of the film seducing him.

Lauria's investigation takes him to a nightclub at the beach where all the abducted gals attended. The pianist, Silvio (Ricardo Bauleo) is quite the charmer and seems to be hiding a lot. The gals keep getting hypnotized and can't wait to rip their clothes off and be ravaged by the fiend. Lauria finds out that the weird organ music triggers the trances in the babes and comes up with a couple of investigative strategies. Now Beba is put in danger as she is the next in the cross-hairs of this mysterious phantom. 

Just who is this mysterious beach phantom? Can we blame him for putting beach babes in trances to get some make-out action? Were the trance-like minions of the Peron Era Argentina as compliant and amorous as the beach babes in this film? Dark, quirky, and jazzy, "Feast of Flesh" is a weird one you will want to see.

To see FEAST OF FLESH free on the Forgotten Horror YouTube channel, click this link Feast of Flesh


  

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Deep Red, Meat Cleavers and Euro-Babes

So sad! Sultry Euro-Babes prance onto the silver screen and are quickly taken apart. They do die well...and, in fact, are replaced by other equally as luscious Euro-Babes. Perhaps the 21st century war on beauty by the left is merely a fulfillment of the Giallo philosophy of if men are aroused by it...kill it. Today we look at a classic Giallo offering, 1975's "Deep Red," directed by Dario Argento. 


Alas, Helga (Macha Meril) will be the first casualty in this film. What a dish! The German telepathic/psychic has visions of a murder and sees the killer. This is bad news as witnesses tend not to fare well.  The blonde beauty will be felled by a meat cleaver. Bad news for the stud pianist Marc (David Hemmings)…he witnesses the murder. Now the killer is after him. Worse for Marc, babe reporterette, Gianna (Daria Nicolodi), puts Marc's photo on the front page of the newspaper and tells the world he saw and can ID the killer. Now Gianna wants to team up with Marc and solve the mystery.  Marc insists on working alone.  

The Giallo influence...let us chat about that. You remember one of the most famous American slasher kills ever put on film? Yes...Pamela Susan Shoop as a naughty nurse in "Halloween  2." In a gratuitous hot tub scene, Michael Myers seizes her and burns her pretty face off in scalding hot water. An original scene? No! The sultry Amanda (Giuliana Calandra) perishers in almost exactly the same fashion in this film shot six years previous. Unfortunately for Amanda, she had info that could help Marc identify the killer...bye bye Amanda! Marc is persistent and finds a weird village with a condemned house. The secret of the killer's identity is inside the walls of this house which also has a bloody secret.

Will the babe reporterette Gianna survive this film? Will 21st century feminist film classes claim the Euro-Babes in Giallo films deserved their gruesome fates?  If Gianna does survive, will she and Marc engage in pre-marital sex?  Sultry Euro-Babes and blood red murder scenes...Giallo at its best! For a vicious good time of gory kills and sultry dames in much peril, see "Deep Red."

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Murder Loves Killers Too, Fun Slasher Fare

It might be fashionable to say you dislike this film...but you'll be lying. There is not any time to hate it...fast-paced would be an understatement and quirky would, too.  A slasher that derives inspiration from Leatherface and Michael Myers has merit...throw in nude nubile babes and clueless hunks...and gory kills...and the last kill!  Yep, you may have seen it all, or so you think.  Be advised, the very last kill in this film will be a first for you.  Let us take a look at 2009's "Murder Loves Killers Too," directed by Drew Barnhardt.

Five great looking babes and hunks drive to an isolated cabin in the woods.  This won't go well.  They, of course, are there for pre-marital sex and for the consumption of adult beverages.  No backstory...no relationship scenes...enter big Stevie (Allen Andrews). He'll take Lindy (Kat Szumski) away so fast, none of her buddies will see it. What will Stevie do to the nubile, though totally insane, babe? A fate worse than death.  Stevie goes through these hunks and babes like crap through a goose. Tamra (Mary LeGault) will have time for pre-marital sex on the pool table with Brian (Scott Nadler) before they meet horrific blade deaths.  This all happens early on and most of the film is devoted to Stevie pursuing 'final girl' Aggie (Christine Haeberman).

Stevie loves meat hooks, big knives, and necrophilia with dead babes.  This will all be explained in an eerily rational scene.  We like Aggie...though all we know about her is that she is a bartender.  Aggie is chased, captured, and taunted.  She'll escape a time or two and will be horrified to find out what Stevie wants to do with her. Now that death is not the worst thing in the world, Aggie must escape her binds and flee into the woods to avoid what Stevie has planned.  Whether Aggie is able to do that...no spoilers here. The nubile Aggie will look so good in peril as she sports a nightgown and an attitude. Oh yes...the film changes direction in the last 15 minutes...don't be fooled...the last minute will be shocking, refreshing, and high-energy.

What does Stevie have planned for Aggie?  What did Stevie do to the corpses of Aggie's friends?  Is it scary that the lack of character development of these babes and hunks doesn't matter to us? A great looking cast, a quirky slasher, and a kill you have never seen before...yep, enjoy "Murder Loves Killers Too."


Tuesday, April 27, 2021

The Zero Boys, The Sultry Kelly Maroney Dodges Crossbows and Machetes

Growing up in the 80s meant one thing...Kelli Maroney was your fantasy girlfriend. The nubile and perky blonde Uzi wielding cheerleader was everything a teen boy could desire. Cult favorites like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Night of the Comet" left us teens breathless and desiring...at least in out fantasy worlds. The thought anyone could seek to rip her apart with a machete or impale her using a crossbow would've been too horrifying to imagine. Hence 1986's "The Zero Boys," directed by Nico Mastorakis is our feature today.

Three hunks, Steve (Daniel Hirsch), Rip (Jared Moses), and Larry (Tom Shell) have just beaten some neo Nazis at a survival game championship. Good news for Steve...he wagered the lead neo Nazi and the winner gets Jamie (Maroney). Uh oh...this is news to Jamie and she ends up in the trio's car along with two more babes, Trish (Crystal Carson) and Sue (Nicole Rio). As the three babes bicker and Jamie keeps looking put off by her new brute date, the six head deep in the wilderness.  Uh oh...Jamie sees a naked babe running for her life. The gang pulls over...bad move...to investigate. A storm arises and the six find shelter holed up in an apparently empty cabin. Weird things begin happening and Trish sees someone peering at her and Larry during pre-marital sex.

Now the hunks investigate the property and find a makeshift torture chamber next door where snuff films are made. Uh oh...Trish is seized by a fiend hiding in the bathtub. Now Trish is tortured, humiliated, and prepped to be a star in the next snuff film.  The guys man up and grab weapons and act macho. The gals bicker and scream at every corpse that pops up...women! The bad guys also have weapons...crossbows and machetes.  The guys concoct a bad escape plan which the fiendish hunters were banking on. Boobie traps...explosives...electricity...arrows...and machineguns will rule the second half of the film. The trio of babes will look wonderful as they are afraid and beset. The deaths will be excruciating...you'll see.

Do any of the hunks and babes have what it takes to survive this wilderness game of life and death? Will Kelli Maroney's charm and sex appeal pull her out of this mess?  Just who are these fiendish backwoods snuff film makers?  This film will remind you of one of the "Friday the 13th" sequels and "Deliverance." For some neat 1980s slasher fare featuring the nubile Kelli Maroney...see "The Zero Boys."   

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Dead of Winter, Slasher Shreds Geocachers

Geocaching...yawn!!! Okay, here's a confession...hunting, motorcycles, and geocaching bore me to death. Whenever the conversation switches to one of these three subjects I dive into my iPhone and play with an imaginary app. The only thing that could make geocaching mildly interesting is if there were a psycho gutting and decapitating the Geocachers.  Today we look at 2014's "Dead of Winter," directed by Robert Rice.

Ex-con, the barely sober John (Damon Runyon) lands a gig driving a school bus into the wilderness so a bunch of geocache contestants can compete in a contest for big bucks. His boring ex-GF Eve (Lisa Marcos) is one of them, as his her recent boring BF Marcus (Morgan Kelly). Also aboard are two boring lesbians (Allison Dawn Doiron and Holly Uloth), the obnoxious but likeable Bradik (James Wallis), and the lurid old guy Ben (John Boylan). There are a few others but they'll be decapitated very early. The nerds head into the wilderness and John stays with the bus to drink beer. Immediately, the first geocache nerd is felled by a boobie trap as the school bus mysteriously explodes. Now the geocache concept is getting mildly interesting.

Ben tells his folks about torturing chickens and Bradik harasses the lesbians.  The lesbians bicker and Eve gives John mixed signals as her new BF tries to protect his turf.  Perhaps they should've paid more attention to their recently decapitated pal as disembowelment and severed limbs await more of the gang. Now they're on the run through the woods but soon figure out that they are either being hunted or are being toyed with by a member of the group.  As Bradik insults the nerds more...we begin to like him more. Now John and Eve seem to rekindle the spark they had for each other  and the lesbians will die oh so horribly.  The nerds seem helpless and are obviously being toyed with.

Who is hunting the geocache contestants and does Ben's proclivity to glorify chicken torture have any relevance to the story? When Geocache nerds are not Geocaching...do they hang out at Star Trek conventions?  The kills are gory and some of the characters are quite good. For a bloody good time with disembowelment, severed limbs, and a decapitation or two...see "Dead of Winter."

Friday, April 23, 2021

Vampire in Vegas, Vampires and Silicone Implants

Tony Todd as a menacing vampire bent on the conquest of the world! I know...why would he want this screwed up place? Also, a lot of vampire babe action in which the vamps have fangs and impressive breast implants highlight this horror film.  It is Las Vegas...the sin capital of the world where materialism and phony boobs rule the day. Today's feature is 2009's "Vampire in Vegas, directed by Jim Wynorski. B movie queen Melissa Brasselle also graces us in this as a vamp with a proclivity to engage in cat-fights...yes!!!

Sylvian (Todd) is a centuries old vampire who comes to Vegas with the hopes of world conquest. We kind of have that anyway with the way the world is being run with figurative vampires...but, never mind.  He co-opts the assistance of babe doctor, Dr. VanHelm (Delia Sheppard). VanHelm is charged with creating a serum to make Sylvian immune to sunlight.  She tests her serum on babe vamps with little success. Meanwhile, Jason (Edward Spivak) is dragged to Vegas by his two buddies for a bachelor party weekend. His sweet GF Rachel (Sonya Joy Sims) and her buxom BF Nikki (Brandin Rackley) follow in order to catch them in 'the act.' VanHelms experiments leave several babe vamps melted in the desert and now the sultry Detective O'Hara (GiGi Erneta) and the witty Detective Stanton (Ted Monte) are on the case.

As the two detectives are on the case, this will leave plenty of opportunity for the buxom babes of this film, O'Hara, VanHelm, and vamp Shayla (Brasselle)  to have some gratuitous cat-fights. Poor Rachel and Nikki...Sylvian captures them and Nikki is turned. Now Sylvian holds Rachel hostage with the intention of turning her and luring Jason into a trap.  See, Jason has the exact blood type VanHelm needs to complete her serum. O'Hara is fast figuring this whole thing out and she will turn on her sex appeal and jiggle her implants in order to get to the bottom of this vampire conspiracy. As the buxom babes fall horribly, and the buxom detective shows us some nice tight cop-get ups...Sylvian moves closer to being able to walk the streets during the day.

If a vamp drinks silicone will her boobs...actually, never mind.  Will Jason be able to free Rachel before she becomes a silicone implant vampire? Is Tony Todd's Sylvian a preferable choice to run the world than the garbage we have now (Soros, Bezos, Gates, etc.)? This is a gratuitous one and if you are into extreme boob jobs, I don't know who would be, this is the film for you.  See "Vampire in Vegas" for a toothy and prurient good time.

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Jack the Ripper, Nubile Dancehall Girls Die Horribly

Solving crimes a hundred or so years after everyone involved has died is a dubious business.  Crime shows on A&E, Discovery or The History Channel have so many documentaries on who the real Jack the Ripper was.  Keep in mind...hundred year old DNA is worthless no matter what the 'experts' claim. In 2021 we do not know Jack the Ripper's identity. The killings most likely ended when the killer died. From England, 1959's "Jack the Ripper," directed by Robert S. Baker and Monty Berman, is our feature today.

Atmospheric and lurid, this film is a lost jewel.  On foggy and damp nights, dancehall girls foolishly walking alone at night are met by a weird caped maniac.  He asks them if they are 'Mary Clarke' and then guts them.  Some of the murders are heartbreaking as we get to know some of the victims. Even some clean-cut babes are felled by the lunatic.  City Hall is putting much pressure on Inspector O'Neill (Eddie Byrne) to solve the murders. Out of nowhere, his old American pal, police detective Sam Lowry (Lee Patterson) arrives and assists in the investigation. As erotic and loud dancehall scenes play before our eyes, more English babes are gutted. 

You know the Jack the Ripper legend so I will not bother with you with any more plot. Also in this film is a mysterious and unbalanced surgeon, Dr. Tranter (John Le Mesurier). He just happens to be in the vicinity of many of the killings. His beautiful daughter Anne (Betty McDowell) has just taken employment at the same hospital and has also caught the eye of Sam. Sam and Anne grow sweet on one another to the disapproval of Tranter.  More fog...more gutting...and now the cops have a witness.  Sam and O'Neill race to find the identity of Mary Clarke. Unfortunately the answer to that mystery will put Anne in mortal danger. As the beautiful die horribly, Sam and O'Neill get closer to trapping Jack the Ripper...but will it be in time to save the nubile Anne?

Forget what you have heard from modern day 'crime experts.' Jack the Ripper was not royalty and was not a bloke who fled to Illinois. Sorry to burst your bubble. Just why is Dr. Tranter so close to many of the murder scenes? Who is Mary Clarke and why is her identity such a threat to Anne? Did the Jack the Ripper legend eventually inspire Giallo and the concept of the beautiful dying horribly in horror films? You will feel the chill and the fog and smell the cheap perfume of the dancing girl victims in this film. For a thought provoking film about a horrific historical figure, see "Jack the Ripper." 

Monday, April 19, 2021

Death Spa, Aerobic Babes Shredded by Babe Ghost

Remember those aerobic babes from the 1980s? Tight and shiny satin leotards in bright colors graced VHS videos and morning exercise shows. Who can forget Kiana Tom's "Flex Appeal"? Nubile and perky, these babes jumped around and contorted in ways to make all our juices flow.  The slasher film "Aerobicide" (aka "Killer Workout") capitalized on this phenomenon as many of these beauties died horribly. A very erotic slasher film, it was...so why not rip it off? Well, 1989's "Death Spa" is the rip-off of "Aerobicide." Keep in mind, rip-offs are not always unneeded or unwanted. The gratuitous scenes...whether they be in the shower, tanning bed, exercise floor, locker room, or swimming pool all serve to provide the cinema we expect from our 1980s slasher films.

Blonde and naked beauty Laura (Brenda Bakke) has a mishap in the sauna. She gets locked in and scolded by a chlorine gas.  She'll recover and convalesce with her stud BF, the club manager Michael (William Bumiller). Backstory, Michael's wife, Catherine (Shari Shattuck) died a year ago after going mad and self immolating...messy. Now Catherine's twin brother David (Merritt Butrick), who runs the club's computer system, is upset Michael has shacked up with another babe. Beauties begin to fall in horrible fashion at the spa...Marci will be impaled and Linda will have her skinned burned off by acid...such a pity. Now the police are investigating and the suspects are numerous.

Michael begins getting supernatural messages from Catherine and is convinced she is back wreaking havoc on aerobic babes.  He calls in a paranormal investigator (Joseph Whipp) to check out his club. This won't go well. Now even hunks are getting ripped apart while exercising and the club's epic Mardi Gras party is coming up fast. Leotard beauties will dance...shower...jump around...and flirt as the carnage increases.  Now the supernatural element seems to increase as the club's computer system that controls everything electronic is co-opted by Catherine's spirit.

Bring back those shiny and tight aerobic leotards!  Health spas have been taken over by Silver Sneakers and classes for pregnant moms (gag me with a spoon!). Is Catherine's spirit really responsible for the shredding of the beautiful?  Is Catherine's twin, David, involved?  Does anyone seriously believe 21st century Yoga babes can compete with 1980s aerobic babes? Directed by Michael Fischa, "Death Spa" is a gratuitous and vicious horror film that may help you shed a few pounds.

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Slayer, Jungle Vampires

We all remember Jennifer O'Dell from "The Lost World." Hot blonde, usually sweating, prancing around in an animal skin bikini, finding danger and mutants in the jungle. Well get this...Jennifer O'Dell as a sweaty blonde beauty, traipsing through the jungle, being lusted after by a vampire tribe.  I admit, the film is subpar, but seeing Jennifer O'Dell sweat in the jungle, sometimes in states of undress...well, that redeems this film. Oh yeah...Lynda Carter looking good as an army colonel carrying a gun that shoots miniature wooden stakes...priceless. Today we look at 2006's "Slayer," directed by Kevin VanHook.

A secret army platoon (probably CIA) is doing maneuvers in the Amazon (probably looking for weapons of mass destruction). Hawk (Casper Van Dien) leads his men into an ambush where many are killed by jungle vampires.  Back in the states, Lynda Carter, his Colonel, is suspicious of his claims, but sends Hawk and his team back.  Meanwhile the jungle vampires which include the sultry and sweaty vamp Estrella (Joyce Giraud) keep marauding villages.  Hawk's new mission...I'm not sure, but it develops into a search for his ex-wife, the sultry scientist Laurie (O'Dell). After a nice cat-fight with Estrella the vamp, Laurie catches the eye of vampire king Javier (Tony Plana). He seeks her for a bride...who wouldn't? Laurie will sweat a lot and give us a nice underwear scene.

Hawk and his men return to the jungle. Native, Montegna (Danny Trejo), guides them upriver. Along the way Hawk's platoon finds the bloody remains of torn apart villagers. There will be a couple more cat-fights between Laurie and Estrella as Javier lures Hawk and his men to the vampire cave.  Laurie is prepped in a white gown suitable for a bride and Estrella is obviously jealous at her ability to accessorize. Now a climactic battle will be fought for the sweaty and sultry Laurie's affections...and for the direction of the free world.

This film, whatever its shortcomings, has Jennifer O'Dell in it looking really good...and sweating. Will Estrella learn fashionable accessorizing techniques from Laurie or will they just go on cat-fighting? Is this film a metaphor for all the useless CIA secret ops in countries where we should never be in the first place? Are there any female US Army officers who look as good as Lynda Carter does in this film? See "Slayer," and enjoy the sweaty sights.

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Beyond White Space, Moby Dick in Space

Okay...this film which is, basically, Moby Dick in space has some problems. We won't go into those. I will focus on the good...and there are redeeming qualities that make 2018's "Beyond White Space" (directed by Ken Locsmandi) a worth while watch. Spacebabes and a really neat behemoth space creature...enough said. Herman Melville never gave us those! 

24 years after his dad was killed by a giant space dragon, Captain Bentley (Holt McCallany) captains a fishing vessel into the edge of the galaxy. Fishing in space? Yep...these giant bugs that are creepy apparently make good food and they bound from asteroid to asteroid. His real target is the behemoth dragon who killed his dad.  Also on board, undercover, is the nubile and ravishing Lynn (Zulay Henao).  She needs to get to white space...the area beyond the end of the galaxy. Why does she need to get there? Something about a terminal illness...this is of no importance as she sweats nicely and is spunky.  The other sweaty sultry spacebabes on board are the pilot, Ragsland (Tiffany Brouwer) and cook/psycho Batali (Kodi Kitchen).  Batali is a nymphomaniac and has a lot of pre-marital sex.

Okay...it is the Moby Dick story so enough of the plot.  Hauling in space bugs, an accident happens.  Some get loose and infest mechanic Stubbs (Dave Sheridan).  Alas, this will spell a sad fate for one of our beauties.  Bentley becomes obsessed with the behemoth that killed his dad and he endangers the crew in the pursuit.  Now some of the space bugs get really big once loose on the spaceship and chase sweaty spacebabes.  Who can blame them?  There will be more deviant sex, babes in peril, and an attacking monster twice as big as Godzilla. Many will meet excruciating fates and not all the spacebabes will fare well...so sad.  

Will Captain Bentley have a better fate than Melville's Captain Ahab?  Would more school children have been interested in reading Moby Dick if Herman Melville threw in some sweaty sea babes?   Are behemoth space dragons a metaphor for America's failed space program under NASA?  Look for the beauty in the swamp...as well as sweaty spacebabes and giant monsters, and you will enjoy "Beyond White Space."  

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

The Monster of Camp Sunshine, Nudity! Nudity! Nudity! And a Monster

We don't have enough films about monsters terrorizing nudist colonies.  Do we really need another stupid superhero film when the aforementioned plot device goes largely unexplored? A nubile blonde nurse in white (when she is clothed) and a sultry fashion model team up to take all their clothes off and fight a hideous creature...yes! Today we look at 1964's "The Monster of Camp Sunshine or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Nature," directed by Ferenc Leroget.

Two sultry babes share a New York City apartment.  Marta (Sally Parfait) is a beautiful nurse and Claire (Deborah Spray) is a high priced fashion model.  Marta goes to work for her mad scientist boss, Dr. Harrison (James Gatsby) and is attacked by lab rats.  She is in hysterics as she almost dies.  Claire poses nicely and is asked by the photographer Ken (Ron Cheney) to pose in a topless swimsuit for a men's magazine.  This draws the disapproval for Ken's beautiful secretary, Laurie (Angela Evans). Claire determines that she and Marta need to get away for a while.  Marta is a nudist and gets Claire hooked on "nudism." The duo head to Camp Sunshine with Ken and Laurie in tow.

Marta and Claire will have so many nude scenes. Susanna (Natalie Drest) runs the camp.  Uh oh, the formula Dr. Harrison was working on is dumped in the river and Hugo (Harrison Pebbles) finds it.  Hugo is the gardener at Camp Sunshine.  He drinks it and turns into a brute monster.  Now he is chasing beautiful nude babes around with an axe.  The babes will run, jiggle, and jump when they are not sunbathing or skinny-dipping. Now Laurie is under Camp Sunshine's spell and strips to go skinny-dipping.  Hugo's hormones are raging and he has his sights set on Laurie, Marta, and Claire (as do we).  The three nude babes will run and jiggle some more.  Now Dr. Harrison races to the camp to save his nurse, Marta. Ken finds dynamite, a machinegun, and a pistol. The men will seek to kill Hugo.

The nudity in this 1964 film is gratuitous.  Even scenes that take place in the city are filled with gratuitous stripping, or putting on lingerie scenes.  Will Hugo catch one of the nudists and if so...what will he do with her?  Will the nudists engage in a cat-fight or a splashing match while skinny-dipping? Can one blame the monster Hugo for going after the nude nurse, fashion model, or nude secretary? As a war on beauty is being raged in the 21st century, it is nice to see a film that celebrates a woman's beauty. For a gratuitous good time see "The Monster of Camp Sunshine or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Nature."     

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century, The Italians do King Kong

The Italians are masters of the rip-offs. "Alien," "Jaws," "Dawn of the Dead" …and they do it well.  How about "King Kong" you ask?  Yep! Today we look at an Italian film shot in Toronto in which a behemoth hairy ape thing grabs a nubile babe and climbs to the top of the city. 1977's "Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century" (directed by Gianfranco Parolini) is our feature today.

A discovery in northern Canada's ice! A 20 foot (or maybe 50 foot, depending on which scene of the film we're watching) ape man (Mimmi Crao). A huge drilling corporation headed by oil magnate/promoter Morgan Hunnicut (Edoardo Faleta) sees instant marketing opportunity for this pre-historic giant. He summons old pal, scientist Professor Wasserman (John Stacy) to head operations on its recovery. Wasserman ups the ante...he thinks he can bring it back to life. This is good news for the under-loved Euro-babe Jane (Antonella Interlenghi)…who is at the site because she's hot and pouts a lot. After some electrodes are put in strategic places, our ape-man wakes and screams. First he screams in anger, then he sees Jane and screams at...I don't know, lost opportunity, perhaps?

Okay...the thing breaks loose from its straps and cage, grabs the Italian hottie and scampers in the wilderness to...well...to get to know Jane better. He's captured again, brought to Toronto to be exhibited at some World's Fair type gala...and then escapes again. When Jane gets trapped in a crowd, he rescues her and goes to old Exhibition Stadium (where the Blue Jays first played). Now Jane loves the big ape-man...probably not because of his wonderful head of hair, either. Goons and thugs try to pin some murders on the beast and now the cops are ordered to kill him. Jane pouts some more and looks like an Alberto VO5 commercial and tries to save the monster.  Now the ape-man saves dogs, little children, and nubile Euro-babes while trying to escape greedy humans.

What does Jane hope for in her relationship with the 50 foot macho monster? Okay, stupid question. Is this film an answer to Canada's inferiority complex in not having a King Kong legend or an Empire State Building phallic symbol in their largest city? Is the recently erected CN Tower in Toronto in response to this film? Fun, syrupy sweet, and way too corny, enjoy "Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century" and imagine how Sigmund Freud would have analyzed this film.