Friday, November 24, 2017

Bluebeard, The Best Colonoscopy Movie Ever

If you are over 50...get a colonoscopy. Yep, this is an effective procedure to minimize the risks of obtaining colon cancer. This procedure is painless and usually paid in full by most major insurance providers. Whether you are male or female, white collar or blue collar, Republican or Democrat, cannibal or serial killer, getting a colonoscopy might save your life. Hence today's feature, from South Korea...2017's "Bluebeard."
Dr. Byun and his nurse Mi-yeon
Dr. Byun (Jin-woong Jo) performs colonoscopies at a country clinic. He has a sultry nurse, Mi-yeon (Chung-ah Lee) and she is pretty hot for him. He's a dork and has no clue. The patients, under anesthesia, sometimes utter very private words. Dr. Byun is used to this, but when an old butcher, who is also his landlord, is under, the guy starts describing how to cut up a human body and mar it so the cops can never identify it. He also describes where to stash the body parts. A week or two later, Dr. Byun hears newscasts that explain the cops have found body parts and a headless torso in a place described by the butcher. Now Dr. Byun turns amateur detective, but not a very good one.
Dr. Byun tussles with the butcher
The butcher and his family are onto him and Dr. Byun is scared. The butcher and his son both have ex-wives who have gone missing. Uh oh, Soo jung (Yoon Se-Ah), the beautiful ex-wife of Dr. Byun, goes missing shortly after she visits the dorky doctor's apartment.  As the film progresses, the missing women all seem to be women in Dr. Byun's life, including his sultry nurse.  Twists abound, and we begin to entertain the theory that maybe the butcher family is innocent and Dr. Byun may be the serial killer.
Will Mi-yeon survive or be dissected?
Decapitated heads, headless torsos, and human innards will all be thrown at you. This mystery/horror tale gets more complicated as each chick goes missing. Are the butchers the killers, or is it Dr. Byun? What of the sultry nurse, she dead, or is there something more to her character? As the cops close in, will they take the butchers or Dr. Byun (...or a third option) away in handcuffs? Directed by Soo-youn Lee, "Bluebeard" is the best colonoscopy film of 2017. Enjoy, and go get a colonoscopy, it could save your life.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Robot Holocaust, Hunks and Babes in the Apocalyptic Wasteland

Ah the apocalyptic wastelands portrayed by 1980s cinema. True, radiation scarred mutants and toothy worm creatures abound, but so do scantily clad hunks and vixens. The hysteria of the anti-nuclear groups preaching that President Reagan would destroy the world with nukes inspired some nifty films. The nuclear holocaust didn't occur, and those groups went away as donations dried up, but those aforementioned films are still with us. Alas, we look at 1986's "Robot Holocaust."
Society is gone, ruined by the robot rebellion of 2033. The fiends released radiation that polluted the atmosphere killing all humans. The robots kept some alive as they needed slaves to supply the power station. Kept alive by bursts of air, supplied by the power station, some mutant humans were born, able to breathe in even the most poisoned atmosphere. Hence Neo (Norris Culf), who comes to town seeking to overthrow the Dark One. The Dark One? The evil force that rules the power station and robots. He meets Deeja (Nadine Hart), a rebel who, with her dad, has developed a device which will enable all to breathe.
As Neo and the very sultry Deeja head to the power station, they must navigate through a dangerous wasteland. First they will meet a tribe of psycho babes. Here they will enlist the voluptuous and scantily clad Nyla (Jennifer Delora). Now our small band of rebels heads to the power station. Onto their every move, The Dark One's femme fatale Valaria (Angelika Jager) intends to ambush them. Valaria enjoys satisfying herself in the Dark One's pleasure machine and looks really good in her sleek, black outfits. Battling mutant and hungry worms and other assorted creatures (including a yucky spider-thing), our rebels reach the gate of the power station where Valaria and the Dark One have some bloody surprises waiting.
Will Valaria have a cat-fight with the shapely Deeja? Does hunk Neo have what it takes to overthrow the Dark One, or is he all brawn and no brains?  How do Valeria, Deeja, and Nyla exist in an apocalyptic wasteland with perfectly applied make-up and frizzy 'Charley's Angels" type hair-dos? The B movie acting is classic and a lot of mutant creatures keep "Robot Holocaust" entertaining. Directed by Tim Kincaid, this film has the feel of Italian exploitation, even though it was made in New York City.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Pig Hunt, Oink Oink...Chomp Chomp

When you wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty...but the pig likes it. Thus is the sad plight of a bunch of wild boar hunters in today's film, 2008's "Pig Hunt." Actually, these hunters won't just get dirty. They'll also be gutted, decapitated, hunted, and eaten. The antagonist? A 3200 pound boar called "The Ripper." This very ominous and dark film probably has a lot of messages about the futility of war and man's inhumanity to man, but we'll appropriately ignore them.
Feuding hunters
As the film begins a hunter is gutted and eaten by a 3200 pound boar. Next two beautiful, semi-nude hippie babes have their horse eaten by the same boar. Related events? Oh yes. John (Travis Aaron Wade), an anti-war sort is going boar hunting with his very pro-war pals. John's girlfriend, Brooks (Tina Huang) will tag along to the dismay of John's pals. In John's defense, she is really pretty, looks great in intimate undergarments and has a sensual bias for pre-marital sex. This hunting party has competition. A weird hippie commune featuring a machete wielding priest-guy and nude babes looms in the woods. Also, a psycho redneck family with a hatred for John also hunts pigs.
Nubile hippie babes caress a hunter
Early in the hunt it is apparent that man appears to be man's worst enemy. Then the boar strikes. It is big and has a family. Meanwhile, Brooks gives us some nice underwear and babe holding rifle shots. Uh oh, because of some bloody events, the rednecks begin hunting John's group. Double uh oh, the weird commune, featuring lots of naked babes who bathe each other a lot may have a weird connection to the tusked monster. As hunters are gutted, eaten, and shot, John and Brooks will come face to face with, not only the boar, but the evil that feeds its wrath.
Brooks comes face-to-face with monster
Will the sultry Brooks come face to face with the monster? Will John's anti-war views give way to violence now that he is at war with rednecks, a hippie commune, and a 3200 pound boar? Does Brooks have a useful talent for the occasion, other than looking really good in intimate undies and a proclivity toward pre-marital sex? Directed by James Isaac, "Pig Hunt" is an ominous and very gory man versus nature film. Ignore the messages and enjoy the monster, gore, and eye-candy this film provides.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Dracula vs. Frankenstein, Vampire Wimp

Bela Lugosi versus Boris Karloff? Not quite. In fact, our Count Dracula today looks more like Arnold Horseshack from "Welcome Back Kotter." How about the Frankenstein monster? He looks like Hal Holbrook sucking a lemon. Don't fret, we have a good one today, 1971's "Dracula vs. Frankenstein." This Al Adamson classic has a couple things going for it. First, whenever the plot begins to drag, a decapitation jumps at you out of nowhere. Second, the very buxom, nubile, and trashy damsel in distress Judith Fontaine (Regina Carrol). As heads fly though the air and so does Judith's cleavage, our film today will satisfy all you B movie fans.
The buxom, nubile and trashy Judith, Vegas entertainer
The plot? Not important, and hard to grasp, but here is my humble interpretation. The lovely Joan (Maria Lease) is decapitated on the beach underneath a carnival's Emporium of Creatures house. The buxom, nubile, and trashy Vegas entertainer, Judith Fontaine heads to the California beach to look for her missing sister, Joan. Uh oh, the creature house is run by Dr. Frankenstein (J. Carrol Nash) who sends his henchman, Groton (Lon Chaney, Jr.) out to decapitate hippies and steal their nubile babes. Dr. Frankenstein seeks to create an army of monsters which he surgically creates out of dead people. Uh oh, Dracula (Zandor Vorkov) pays him a visit.
Dracula selects his bride
Dracula has found the original Frankenstein monster (Shelly Weiss) and teams up with the mad doctor. Now Groton and the creature both set out to capture nubile hippie babes and kill their boyfriends. Judith starts snooping and joins forces with a hippie know-it-all named Mike (Anthony Eisley). He is an arrogant sort but Judith and her cleavage still has pre-marital sex with him in the surf. The two figure things out and head over to Dr. F's creature emporium where more decapitations will occur and a maniac midget will get an ax in the face. Dracula gets a view of Judith's cleavage and of course wants her for his bride and he charges the Frankenstein creature to abduct her.
Judith in a predicament
Will Judith ever make it back to Vegas with her cleavage intact?  Wouldn't Frankenstein's army of the undead be more potent if it was made up of vigorous, virile, and potent young men instead of nubile hippie babes? Will Dracula team up with the rest of the sweathogs and continue to misbehave? This is a fun one, and if you like lots of cheesecake and B movie zaniness, have a look at "Dracula vs. Frankenstein."

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep, When Calamari Attacks

The lovely Kristi Angus is one of my favorite actresses. As far as horror in the 21st century goes, she has endured two of the most excruciating demises. In 2001's  Jason X she had her face frozen and knocked off. Five years later, playing a marine biologist intern. she is grabbed off a boat and feasted on by a giant squid. Wow! That's how I want to go. Today we take a peek at a film I first saw on the Syfy channel, 2006's "Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep."
Nicole and Jenny
25 years ago Ray (Charlie O'Connell) watched his mom and dad pulled off their sailboat and get digested by a kraken. Present day, the very stunning Nicole (Victoria Pratt), a marine anthropologist, and her two nymphomaniac interns Jenny (Angus) and Michael (Cory Monteith) are searching for an ancient Greek mask. During the search, their skipper is eaten by the beast. A grown up Ray hears of this and arrives, determined to find the killer of his parents. Nicole and Ray display a nice sexual chemistry and immediately make goo-goo eyes at each other.  The quartet finds the mask, but this isn't necessarily a cause to celebrate.  Maxwell (Jack Scalia), an evil mafia type henchman, wants the precious heirloom, and will not stop at homicide to get it.
The kraken feasts
As Nicole and Ray make even more intense goo-goo eyes at each other, Maxwell's efforts to steal the mask get more violent.  Meanwhile the beast squid continues eating people. Uh oh, Nicole comes up with a crazy theory (typical for marine anthropologists). She believes the monster is guarding the ancient Greek treasure from human divers.  As Maxwell and his henchmen make a move for Nicole, not everyone will survive. In addition to homicidal gangsters, the kraken also converges on Nicole's treasure hunting efforts, which will spell doom for the perky and nubile Jenny (so sad!). As the squid gets fatter and Nicole's team decreases in size, can Ray help her kill the squid and recover the spoils of the Trojans from the inky depths of the ocean?
Ray vs. Kraken
Ray, Nicole, and Jenny are incredibly attractive characters and fans will appreciate the eye-candy. The acting is also good and the interplay between Ray and Nicole, and then Jenny and Michael is fantastic and witty. Oh yes, the squid. The tentacled menace is terrifying and it's kills are bloody. I have never seen Victoria Pratt turn in a less than stellar performance (see my review of Mongolian Death Worm ). For some beastly horror, hot heroines, and a witty hero enjoy "Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep."

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, The Old West Meets Old Europe

Matt Dillon, Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, and Maria Frankenstein! Yep...when cultures collide the consequences of 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' bubble to the surface. In this case, a restless and over ambitious daughter of a mad scientist plies her trade in America's Old West. Many of you figured the rough and tough west was immune from mad scientists. Think again. Today we examine 1966's "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter." mean Maria Frankenstein
The little town near the Mexican border is almost a ghost town. The residents, one by one, have been summoned to Frankenstein's castle, and have never returned. Juanita (Estelita Rodriguez), the very beautiful Mexican babe, is horrified...her brother is the latest casualty. The castle? Having to flee Europe, Maria (Narda Onyx) and her brother Rudolph (Steven Geray) seek to plant an artificial brain in a healthy body. On the run from a botched hold-up, Jesse James (John Lupton) and Hank Tracy (Cal Bolder) arrive. Hank is mortally wounded and Juanita takes them in. Our Mexican dish falls in love with both of them and in a desperate play to save Hank's life, she brings them to the castle.
Hank attacks Jesse
This will be a most unfortunate move for Hank as the Frankenstein spawn will remove his brain and replace it with an artificial one, completely subservient to Maria's commands.  Maria also falls in love with Jesse and when he rebukes her advances she plots his demise. Juanita, realizing that Hank's brain has been replaced seeks to help Jesse, but Maria, sensing she is his love interest, also plots her demise. With Hank a slave to Maria's command, and a U.S. Marshal (Jim Davis) hot on Jesse's trail, this could be the end for the legendary outlaw.
Juanita to the rescue
Is a rugged Old West gunfighter any match for the original mad scientist's kin? Is Maria Frankenstein merely the medical version of the rugged individualist cowboy?  Will the nubile Juanita fall in love with the new Hank, thereby sucking face with Maria by proxy? Huh? For some Western fun with the Frankenstein legend mixed in, have fun with "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter."

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Beyond the Door 3, Terror Train From Yugoslavia

1989's "Beyond the Door 3" has nothing to do with the first two "Beyond the Door" films. It does have a lot of resemblance to the 1985 Eric Roberts film, "Runaway Train." In fact, if "Runaway Train" was a horror film, it would be "Beyond the Door 3" (aka "Amok Train"). Add some nubile college kids, ill-equipped hunks, a mess of satanists, and some Lucio Fulci gore (though Fulci had nothing to do with this movie), and we have some terrific Euro-trash horror.
The nubile Bev and a satanic witch
As her mom is decapitated in a taxi, the very nubile virgin, Beverly (Mary Kohnert) and her classmates head to Serbia to witness a Passion play. Uh oh...Bev is the only virgin among the coeds and the Passion play will pay homage to Satan. The class was lured to the wilds of Serbia by Professor Andromolek (Bo Svenson), who is one of Satan's priests. The great looking class arrives and immediately the satanists begin picking them off, one by one.  After one is killed in a fire, they all flee...most will hop aboard a rickety train. Uh oh, Melanie (Renee Rancourt) and her beau will miss the train and have to survive in Serbia's swamp.
Lovely coed will soon rip off her own face
Now the fun begins as Satan's powers extends to the rails. Bev seems possessed and her friends get shredded one by one. One guy will be cut in half and his intestines will spill out on the tracks. Another babe will have worms crawl out of her face as she rips it off. Meanwhile, the crew is killed by Satan (more decapitations), and now we have a runaway train. As Satan appears to be luring Bev, the selected virgin, back to the forest, a mysterious flute player (don't ask) may emerge as Bev's salvation. Oh yeah, Melanie and her boyfriend? Their trudging through the swamp with satanists pursuing...and you won't believe the demise in store for them.
Where's the rest of me?
Can virgin Bev defeat her satanic pursuers? Was this film inspired by AMTRAK's Northeast Regional? Filmed in Yugoslavia, did "Beyond the Door 3" assist in the destruction of that European nation? Gore aplenty and lots of great looking college kids dying horribly highlight this tale of Satan seeking a virgin bride.  Perhaps a story ripped out of today's headlines, "Beyond the Door 3" (directed by Jeff Kwitny) is a must see for gore-hounds.

Friday, November 10, 2017

The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, Italian Beauties Horribly Murdered

For the sake of the very beautiful Barbara Bouchet (see my review of Don't Torture a Duckling ) let us hope the evil Red Queen doesn't make it to seven. Today we take a look at 1972's Italian horror film "The Red Queen Kills Seven Times." Yes, a 1970s Italian horror film and all its accouterments including lots of nymphomaniac nubile babes who die horribly. In addition to Ms. Bouchet as a damsel in much distress, fans of this blog will love Sybil Danning as a bisexual fashion model who is into threesomes.
The poor Wildenbruck clan...cursed for generations. Every hundred years a mysterious woman in red appears at their castle and kills seven of their family members. 1972 is here and the evil queen is due to make an appearance. Just who is this fiend? The very beautiful, and often nude, Kitty (Bouchet) is a fashion photographer. A few years ago she accidentally killed her sister Evelyn. To avoid embarrassment, the nubile Kitty hid Evelyn's corpse and told everyone she left for America. Guess what...she may be back. Evelyn apparently has returned, adorned in a red cape, and begins slicing up people in Kitty's social circles. Many sultry fashion models will get it.
The cops aren't into the supernatural and ghosts and begin looking at suspects. Everyone has motives and everyone is suspect. Kitty is having an affair with the GM of the modeling firm, Martin (Ugo Pagliai). Uh oh, Martin's wife is locked in a loony bin and is totally mad...and jealous. Then there is Lulu (Danning). The bisexual model has eyes for Martin and would love Kitty out of the way. Then how about Kitty? Was her killing of her sister really an accident? As more of the beauties die, it is apparent that the Red Queen is saving Kitty for number seven. The Red Queen is busy calling Kitty and she claims to be Evelyn.
Will the Red Queen dispose of Lulu or will Lulu and Kitty end up in a cat fight...or maybe even a shower together? Is Evelyn really dead? Could Kitty be the Red Queen, endeavoring to wipe out all of Martin's potential sexual conquests? The nudity and blood flow freely in this Italian horror yarn. Directed by Emilio Miraglia, if you like your horror erotic, "The Red Queen Kills Seven Times" is for you.  Oh more thing...if you have a fear of rats (rats by the hundreds), you may not want to watch this one.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Vampirella, Vampire in a Leather Bikini

Years before Kate Beckinsale slipped into a skin-tight leather bodysuit and cloak to portray a vampire princess, a certain Bond-girl donned a red leather bikini and hooker boots and did the same. The very sultry Talisa Soto may not be forever etched in our minds as a vampire princess, but she sure did carry this straight to video, campy horror film, 1996's "Vampirella." What ever faults in the plot this work endures, it does merit a view, if for no other reason than....well...Talisa Soto is clad in a red leather bikini and hooker boots through the entire film.
30 centuries ago, a benign race of vampires thrive and frolic on the planet Draculon. They feed on synthetic blood and smile a lot. But wait, the evil Vlad (Roger Daltrey) rebels, kills the benign leader and escapes in a spaceship with his gang. Uh oh for him, the benign leader was the dad of Princess Ella (Soto). The benign princess is now an angry princess and commandeers another spaceship in pursuit of Vlad.  Clad in the aforementioned outfit, she arrives on Earth thousands of years later and begins going through Vlad's gang like crap through a goose.
Vampirella...from a different angle
Vlad, now rocker Jamie Blood, is the hottest thing in Vegas. As Ella moves in to seduce/kill Vlad, PURGE shows up. Headed by Adam Van Helsing (Richard Joseph Paul), they mess things up for Ella as they are also trying to kill Vlad. Vlad escapes and Adam and Ella fall in love and join forces to hunt down their toothy tormentor. Armed with some neat synthetic sunlight weapons, Adam and Ella are unaware that Vlad is always a step ahead of them. As Vlad turns the tables on Ella, the sultry vampire princess and Adam will be taken prisoner by Vlad. Even more ominous, Vlad is about to enact a plan which will wipe out all of Earth's sunlight, leaving the planet completely vulnerable to these creatures of the night.
Vampirella in much distress
Can Ella and Adam regain the offensive and kill Vlad and save the planet? As Ella and Adam continue to swap spit, is Adam in danger that Ella's passions might also result in swapping blood? Did Talisa Soto and Kate Beckinsale ever meet, and if so, did Ms. Soto brag that "...some women have to wear a body suit, while others have the body fit for a bikini." Just wondering. Whether or not Ms. Soto and Ms. Beckinsale ever engaged in cat-fight isn't important, what is important is "Vampirella" (directed by Jim Wynorski) is 85 minutes of Talisa Soto prancing around in that aforementioned bikini and hooker boots.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Night Cries, A Voyage Into Death

A sultry brunette, clad in a skin tight and skimpy leather outfit, runs through an apocalyptic wasteland, pursued by a zombie-like ghoul. As the monster prepares to ravage her, a mysterious horseman comes to her rescue. Alluring? Yes. Original? Hardly. But wait! You won't believe what comes next. Hence, 2015's "Night Cries." In fact, what does come next is a total curve ball.
However pleasing the above plot line is to us B movie fans, what follows may appear to be just as standard. The horseman, Joseph (Andrew Cymek, who also directs) has just rescued his wife Sarah (Brigitte Kingsley). Uh oh, Sarah has amnesia and doesn't remember Joseph. Now Sarah's protector, Joseph brings her to an abandoned barn for rest and recuperation. As Sarah rests...Caitlyn (Manuela Casinha) enters the plot. Who is Caitlyn?  For one, as soon as Caitlyn appears the viewer utters the words "...what the $#@& is that!" No spoilers here but Caitlyn is a loud indication that this plot isn't as standard as originally thought.
Joseph's quest to find Sarah is actually a bit more complicated than a jaunt through an apocalyptic wasteland.  See, Sarah died. How can that be?  There she is...looking really good in those tight leather pants. The apocalyptic wasteland plot is interspersed with scenes of Joseph in this world that we know and love. With the help of a Catholic priest, some magical voodoo dust, and some homicidal tendencies, our protagonist embarks on a journey into another world. There he must save Sarah from a fate worse than death ( can that be, if she is already dead?). Monsters, evil warlords, and the aforementioned zombie-like ghouls will complicate Joseph's quest. Oh yes...Caitlyn?  Well, you'll see.
A tear-jerker for some, and a wild shoot-em-up good guy saves beautiful damsel horror film for others. Plot twists permeate this film all the way until the closing credits. The acting is fantastic and the action and violence are never-ending. Will the beautiful Sarah find love with a man she was married to in another world? Will the evils that dominate this apocalyptic wasteland allow this film to turn into a love story? Exactly who...or Caitlyn? For a film full of surprises and great looking protagonists, see "Night Cries."

Saturday, November 4, 2017

The Deathhead Virgin, The Beautiful Never Stay Dead

Coming back from the dead is always a joy in horror films. Not for closure, or love...but for revenge or vengeance! Maybe in one's first life they were beautiful, nubile, and diminutive. All bets are off as soon as one has returned. Perhaps still beautiful, but deadly and ominous usually replace nubile and diminutive.  From The Philippines, and directed by Norman Foster, we look at "The Deathhead Virgin."
Princess Leila
Abducted from her tribe centuries ago, the ravishing Princess Leila (Kim Ramos) is imprisoned and raped on a Spanish Man 'O War.  The ship sinks and all hands and treasure are lost. Enter Frank (Larry Ward), a treasure hunter. While diving he stumbles upon the wreck and finds some of Leila's treasures (which he takes...bad move), and Leila (now a skeleton). Inadvertently, Frank resurrects Leila and the fun begins. Legend has it that Leila will return from the dead and inflict revenge by way of killing and scalping seven virgins.  To assist her in these efforts she possesses Frank.
A possessed Frank
Larry (Jock Gaynor), Frank's partner, arrives. With him is the sultry Maria (Iraida Arambulo). Maria is no virgin, but Leila doesn't know that. Maria will spend most of the film either nude or in a bikini and in great peril. No matter, other nubile babes (who may be virgins) are being strangled and scalped and the local police are on the case.  As Frank falls deeper under Leila's spell, Larry and Maria are put into harms way.  As Larry learns of the legend, he and Frank dive on the wreck one more time (a bad idea).  What follows are some major plot twists and surprises. Oh yeah, did I mention Leila is nude throughout the film except for an ugly mask. The legend also states that anyone looking into Leila's face will die immediately.
No spoilers here, she's one of the plot twists
Are there enough virgins on Filipino beaches in order for Leila to fulfill the ancient curse? Will we see Leila's face, and if so,  will it be as beautiful as her body from the neck down? Despite not being a virgin, will we see Maria and Leila in an elongated cat-fight? These important questions and some out-of-left-field twists await you while watching "The Deathhead Virgin." For some good scalping carnage and undersea intrigue, catch this ghost/horror film. 

Thursday, November 2, 2017

The Woman Hunt, Misogyny and Sadism in The Philippines

Today we take a peek at another Eddie Romero masterpiece (see my review of Brides of Blood ). 1972's "The Woman Hunt" (directed by Romero) is pure sexploitation from this Filipino director. Caged women, rapes and humiliation, skinny dipping, lesbian rape, machine-gun battles, and lots of nudity and blood highlight this tale of a nubile young stewardess kidnapped and subjected to bondage and a groping femme-fatale lesbian clad in leather.
An unfortunate stewardess
Two stewardesses, are grabbed by a trio of henchmen. One of the stewardesses is murdered, but Lori (Laurie Rose) is imprisoned in a bamboo cage with several other beauties. These women are held for Magda (Lisa Todd), the aforementioned lesbian. Magda selects five of the babes and eyes Lori for herself. The women are then brought to the jungle compound of Spyros (Eddie Garcia). After they are cleaned and dressed in revealing gowns, Spyros lets them know they will be sex slaves and will service some wealthy businessmen. McGee (Pat Woodell) tries to seduce one of the henchmen, but she will be slapped, spit upon, stripped and humiliated for her efforts. Lori will be drugged and groped by Magda.
McGee prepares for an unsuccessful seduction
As the businessmen arrive, Spyros lets them know that the gals will be set free in the jungle. The men will then be tasked to hunt them down, rape them and ultimately kill them. The gals conspire and beat the guys to the game and flee into the jungle with weapons and one of Spyros' men, Tony (John Ashley). Tony has a change of heart and assists the beauties in their escape attempt. As Magda sees her love-toy flee, she joins the men in the hunt. Booby traps, gunfights, snakes, and skinny dipping will dominate the second half of the film. Not all of the beauties will make it, but they do take the fight to their tormentors.
Magda tries to rape Lori
Will our sultry stewardess escape or forever be the love slave of the exotic Magda? Will Lori's proclivity to skinny dip doom her in the jungle? How about Magda, will her attraction to Lori put her in the cross-hairs of her jealous beau, Spyros? Drive-in quality all the way and a lack of any moral compass makes "The Woman Hunt" a perfect film for B movie fans. Eddie Romero, an exploitation genius, will not disappoint his  audience.   

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Carnival of Blood, Coney Island Carnage

As with all films which gained popularity at the drive-in, 1970's "Carnival of Blood" is flawed. Sure, some of the scenes go on too long, and the film quality is grainy, etc.  However, our feature today is better than anything Harrison Ford has done in 30 years, and the gore is quite graphic. Oh yes, an interesting note, in addition to being filmed at the amusement park in Coney Island, this is the screen debut of Burt Young ("Rocky").
Tom and Gimpy
Oh so sweet, Dan (Martin Barolsky), an assistant DA, proposes to the nubile and quite shapely Laura (Judith Resnick). At the same time, the horror begins at Coney Island. The beautiful Claire (Linda Kurtz) is decapitated on a house of horrors ride. No clues. No witnesses. Dan, a real jerk, cancels his celebration date with Laura in order to take her to Coney Island to investigate the murder...the case is assigned to him in the prosecutor's office.  Distraught at the un-romantic nature of this date, Laura wants to break off the engagement.  Enter Tom (Earle Edgerton). Tom mans a booth at Coney Island and convinces Laura to change her attitude. Actually, lots of passionate pre-marital sex with Dan also helps her attitude adjustment. Tom loves giving teddy bears out to people who win his dart game.  Interesting point however, as the body count increases, all the victims were obnoxious to him just before their demise.
Dan looks for clues
Then there is Gimpy (Young). A hunchback with a deformed face, he helps Tom run his booth.  He is very antagonistic to customers, and mentally unbalanced.  Then a beautiful young lady is gutted underneath the pier, and her entrails are pulled out.  No spoilers here, but the next murder will be even gorier.  As Laura and Dan seem to make-up, Dan continues to investigate the homicides.  Feeling neglected, Tom and Gimpy take pity on her and keep giving her teddy bears.  Uh oh, the beautiful blonde Laura seems to have drawn the attention of the maniac.
Tom consoles Laura
Will Laura ditch her un-romantic fiance in favor of a doctor?  Is our hunchback too easy of a suspect? How about Tom? Why is he so interested in comforting a babe way out of his league? The gore is intense, and the acting is just fine.  Burt Young is great and it is easy to see why he was cast in "Rocky," a few years later.  Drive-in horror fans will want to catch this grainy and raw horror/exploitation film.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Terror at Baxter U, Spartans Dismembered

Lots of great looking college kids in much peril from a bloodsucking beast! Yep...a plot line that can't fail. 2003's "Terror at Baxter U" should have been titled "Nubile Michigan State University Babes and Hunks Torn to Pieces." Okay, so my title is a bit contrived, but our feature today was made at Michigan State and Psi Upsilon Fraternity. Whatever virtues possessed by Ohio State and the University of Michigan and other Big 10 institutions, the kudos go to Michigan State for releasing a slasher film filled with blood spatter and decapitations.
Mary Lewis before being gutted
As our film begins two very hot Michigan State University students (Mary Lewis and Daniel Linton)  are engaging in pre-marital sex. A monster-thing intrudes, pulls apart the male and chases the coed, clad in intimate undies, through the anthropology building. As our nubile coed races through the corridors, our filmmakers seem to be saying "Hey Ohio State, we have hotter chicks than you do!" She'll then be decapitated and have her blood drained.  The cops, Lt. Emil Klinger (Ron Blankenhorn) and Detective Barbara McIntosh (Amy Vanden Berghe) respond. Uh oh, Lt. Emil finds an ancient Mexican (Aztec) amulet at the crime scene suggusting these killings may have been some sort of ritualistic sacrifice...after all, this is Michigan State.
Mary Lewis after being gutted
Lt. Emil connects these killings to similar ones that befell MSU 25 years earlier. Suspects? Oh yes, Professor Cassandra Dregstone (Janet Lockwood).  Dregstone has some connection to ancient Aztec rituals and tries to recruit nubile babes to participate in them.  The  slow and elderly Professor Moxie (Bill Vincent) suspects Dregstone and recruits his anthropology class to get to the bottom of this bloody mystery.  Uh oh, more great looking students get gutted and drained of blood and now the lovely Detective McIntosh gets an ax buried in her skull. As more nubile coeds and hunk underclassmen are shredded, Dregstone seems to be preparing for some grand Aztec ritual which will put the entire Big 10 in peril.
Professor Moxie and his class
Does Michigan State University have the hottest student body in the Big 10? Is the University of Michigan's refusal to counter this film an admission to that very point? Is there any stopping some demented Aztec deity from being resurrected in East Lansing, Michigan?  However amateurish this film class project is, the questions it poses are important and worth extensive debate. Directed by Jeff Burton, see "Terror at Baxter U," available on YouTube.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Bloody Reunion, South Korean Torture Porn

Torture porn from South Korea? So it would appear, but appearances can be misleading. So how is a beautiful woman having her eyelids stapled and her fiance forced to swallow dozens of razor blades not torture porn? Today we look at 2006's "Bloody Reunion," directed by Dae-wung Lim.  A word of warming for all you teachers out better be perfect because all the blame will head your way. Confused? That's appropriate.
Suffering from a terminal illness Miss Park (Mi-hee Oh) will die soon. Her former student, Mi-Ja (Yeong-hie Seo) is now her beautiful nurse. Sensing her patient is close to death, Mi-Ja arranges a reunion of Miss Park's last class. 7th graders from 15 years ago will now convene at Park's house on the shore for a remembrance of happier times. Oh yes, Miss Park gave birth to a deformed child who doesn't appear to be around anymore. The students arrive and at first they appear to be full of affection and admiration for their former teacher.
Uh oh, something is not as it seems. We learn each student was emotionally crushed by Miss Park and in fact, hate her guts. Double uh by one each student is grabbed, tied up, and tortured unmercifully to death. The blood flows, and razors, bugs, and staples seem to be the villains tools of preference. Who is doing all this awful stuff? Could it be Miss Park, after all, she tormented the kids 15 years ago? Wait, wasn't there a deformed son? Where is he? Or is the answer more ominous and surprising?
Gory and heartbreaking, "Bloody Reunion" will leave you needing a few stiff adult beverages. The answer to the mystery is almost as disgusting as what the fiend did to the victims.  The cast is great looking, and resemble a flight crew of a Korean Airlines plane. Not the feel good movie of the 21st century, but horror film fans will love this gore-fest and relish in the surprise, though very macabre, ending.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Audition, Not for the Squeamish!

Not for the squeamish? Ha! That's an understatement! In what may be Harvey Weinstein's biggest nightmare, from Japan, we have 1999's "Audition." There is the final 30 minutes of this film, which I will keep quiet about, as even the description isn't for the squeamish. Remember, all you lonely and vulnerable souls out there, this film is a warning. When the heart speaks, the brain turns to peanut butter. Perhaps the more seasoned among you may take "Audition" (directed by Takashi Miike) as a metaphor for what 'the perfect gal' is likely to turn into once you get to know her.
Shigeharu (Ryo Ishbashi) is a lonely widow yearning for female companionship. Since his wife's demise seven years previous, he has put together a successful talent agency. His friend and partner, Yasuhisa (Jun Kunimura) suggests a phony audition. A casting call for a new TV show, but in reality, this audition will allow Shigeharu to view dozens of Japanese beauties and select one. In short, he selects Asami (Eihi Shiini). Mysterious, beautiful, and apparently in need of someone like Shigeharu. Ignoring red flags that come to light in a cursory background check, he dates her and the two get very serious.
Now the second half of the film. Yes Asami is beautiful and of course, mysterious. Okay, we see her sanity is...well...perhaps non-existent. Unfortunately for Shigeharu, he learns this too late, probably because his hormones over-ruled his brain! What we, and Shigeharu find out about Asami is that she is...a demented and sadistic monster.  All you divorced guys out there, I don't want to hear it! Too late. What follows...oops, I promised I wouldn't go into that. Suffice it to say, "Audition" may have been the inspiration for "American Mary." Syringes, pins, dissection, torture, and amputation will grace the final half hour of "Audition."
I have always warned my family that anyone can appear sane and normal for a few days.  Give it a week, and watch out. Like Shigeharu, by the time a week has passed, phone numbers have been exchanged and a symbiotic relationship has seized you. If you dare, take a look at "Audition." You have been warned. All you guys approaching middle-age, heed this film as a warning. When a beautiful 24 year old beauty seems intrigued by you, she may really only be intrigued by your internal organs.

Monday, October 23, 2017

The Burning Dead, Lava Oozing Zombies

Okay, our film today has received a 2.2/10 rating on IMDB.  Perfect for this blog. How can a film containing lava spewing zombies, a volcano that spits out those zombies, and lots of intestine and internal organ dismemberment be bad?  Oh yes, it also has Danny Trejo!  Directed by Rene Perez, let us take a look at the much maligned "The Burning Dead."
The soon to be eaten nude blogger
As the film begins it is 1846 and cannibals (...or zombies) are finishing off the Donner Party. A volcano erupts swallowing all the zombies in a river of lava. Fast forward to today, a volcano is about to erupt and a California mountain town needs to be evacuated. The handsome, and newly single Sheriff Denton (Thomas Downey) comes to help the single mom Mindy (Moniqua Plante) box up her belongings, The two are sweet on each other. The volcano erupts spewing out lava-oozing zombies. Our first victim will be a young damsel (Jenny Lin) who is in the mountains snapping nude pictures of herself. She'll be eaten in an elongated scene in which we see the nude blog-model's internal organs eaten. As more lava-spewing fiends are ejected from the volcano, Denton races back up the mountain to rescue his new GF Mindy and her daughter Nicole (Nicole Roberts).
The Donner Pass horror
Now trapped up the mountain, the zombies converge on our survivors which also include Nicole's beau, grandfather Old Ben (Robert F. Lyons), and a sultry geologist Eve (Julie Lehman). They'll be attacked and soon find out that head-shots don't work on these walkers. As they flee from these monsters, we are given a clue as to how the living may prevail. An old Cherokee called Night Wolf (Danny Trejo) knows about the Curse of Donner Pass, and perhaps how to break it.
Lava spitting fiend
Will Night Wolf be able to end this reign of terror? Will the Sheriff and Mindy be able to swap some spit with Nicole and her boy toy nearby? Will we get to see the pictures of the nude blogger before she was eaten, or will the lava claim that treasure forever?  Cannibals, zombies, and Danny Trejo! Sure, the elite film critics may give this a 2.2/10 rating, but fans of this blog know better. Enjoy 2015's "The Burning Dead."