Monday, April 6, 2020

Interview of Juan Diaz, aka El Sapo Blanco

Juan Diaz is a talented filmmaker who has a passion for for bringing a bygone era back to us. His creation of the El Sapo Blanco superhero is a throwback to the El Santo wrestling hero (luchador) from the Mexican B movies of the 1950s. The hero isn't politically correct, confident, macho, and always victorious. Mr. Diaz was kind enough to take a few moments to speak to me and be interviewed on Zisi Emporium for B Movies.
CJZ:  El Sapo Blanco is such a neat character.  Did your love for the Mexican wrestling hero, or his films inspire it?
Juan Diaz: Thank you. I grew up watching the old "El Santo"/ "Blue Demon"/ "Mil Mascaras" movies. It was fascinating to me how they were always called by the authorities or scientists to help solve a case, or destroy a monster or two.  What made them so special? Because they were Luchadors.

CJZ: Today's wrestling fans probably have no concept of the Santo or Sampson or The Angel. They're understanding of wrestling is the WWE or Vince McMahon's modern creation. Santo's masked wrestler inspired something more pristine. I his brand of masked wrestler/matinee idol/superhero gone forever?
Juan Diaz: I think there was an honor in these Luchadors, akin to the Samurai. They brought the violence when necessary but always maintained honor.  I consider El Sapo on par  with the likes of Flash Gordon, and The Phantom, etc.  Matinee idols that ruled television, the airwaves (radio plays), and theaters (cliffhangers and serials) back in the 40s and 50s.

CJZ: El Sapo is a matinee idol/B movie hero trapped in working/middle class America... does he have a driving maxim? Or what propels him to fight evil mad-scientists, monster bugs, and aliens?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo Blanco's mindset is, "it's the right thing to do." He has proudly taken the mantle of doing what is right. If that means fighting monsters, or evil scientists, then so be it. He doesn't do it for the glory, either. He doesn't want credit. He just wants to fight evil.

CJZ:  Those evil bugs, monsters, and aliens are so finely captured in special effects. Their introduction into El Sapo Blanco videos serve to make the masked hero larger than life. Talk about those special f/x and how intricate they are in the production of your videos.
Juan Diaz: The special effects help me bring the creatures/foes to life. Because the budget is so low, I utilize special effects apps (FX Guru, MovieRide FX, Action Movie FX, etc.) as well as green screen. Of course, El Santo's old movies used practical effects, but I feel I bring the spirit of those films even though the creatures are more modernized. Also, I like to imagine how would El Santo  deal with bugs, or giant worms as those things were not so prevalent in his films.

CJZ: We've seen El Sapo Blanco's tender side, especially with his kids. Is there romance or a sultry babe in store for him?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo loves children. He's taken an infant under his wing, Prince Jaxxston (from alien slugworms), because he is the sole heir to the Xan Empire and the child has no one else. Very similar to "The Lone Wolf and Cub" films. There is romance in El Sapo's future.

CJZ: What kind of budget do these videos have? Are we talking akin to "Jurassic Park" or more like that of purchasing a comic book?
Juan Diaz: The budgets are zero budgeted. Just time and passion. I literally use my iPhone to shoot, edit, and add f/x. I also compose most of the music. I use my voice to add some of the sound effects, as well. I also recycle old footage from El  Sapo's previous adventures (a la Roger Corman or Lloyd Kaufman).

CJZ: El Sapo Blanco seems to be a target. Are you thinking of giving him a cape to fly to other places to find monsters, more mad-scientists, or maybe other planets?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo has flown to other planets and dimensions, but he knows he has a problem magnet as he knows evildoers will try to dispatch him. He has no real secret identity and its widely known where he lives, so he just waits for trouble to come to his doorstep. The world he lives in is not our world. Its an alternate world where monsters exist.

CJZ: What inspired you to reach back to the 1950s Mexico in order to give us your masked fighter of evil? Have you been able to connect with many fans of those old Mexican films?
Juan Diaz: I felt those old 50s movies had innocence in them. That's why my movies really don't have nudity, sex, nor foul language. It's not that they're kid friendly, but its more because those old films didn't have to use those elements. Just fun stories and good action. I sincerely hope fans of those old films can enjoy my films, but I make these films for anyone to enjoy, regardless if the viewer knows of  Mexican cinema or Luchador movies.
CJZ: Selfishly speaking (hey, I'm a guy), Santo always rescues sultry babes clad in white negligees... will we see any of that with El Sapo Blanco?
Juan Diaz: El Sapo feels like he saves everybody, so he doesn't believe in concentrating on sultry babes, but hey, who knows?

CJZ: If an A-list director offered you millions for the rights to El Sapo Blanco and gave you control of the cast, who would play the masked hero, who would be the lead villain, and yes... who would be the damsel in distress?
Juan Diaz: I would use Liam Neeson as the lead, as I envision El Sapo Blanco as an aging, retired Luchador, who found his calling in fighting evil late in life. He's a broken man. He's had numerous injuries from his many matches, thereby retired. The villain would have to be Paul Reubens, as the nefarious Dr. Fantom, the mastermind behind all of the attacks. Fantom is trying to wear El Sapo down because he knows he can't best him one on one. The damsel would be Tina Fey as El Sapo's physical therapist/love interest. The film would be played straight and letting the humor come out of the situations. Think of films like "Machete," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Toxic Avenger," "The Mask of Zorro," "Planet Terror," and "Danger Diabolik." That sort of irreverent spirit and action.

NOTE FROM CJZ: Recent YouTube videos from El Sapo Blanco have indeed put our hero into outer space.
Juan Diaz demonstrates an inanity with a purpose in his videos. As an example, take a look at The Invisible Man Returns as an example of a dry wit while conveying the nonchalance of the famous 1950s era luchador. The story is humorous, B cinema (all the way), and filled with homage to a bygone era of horror and adventure. The cheesy special f/x are precious and the confidence and bravado exhibited by El Sapo Blanco perfectly captures the 1950s hero...and perhaps, in some sense, makes us all long for this type of hero in our era of milquetoast metrosexual heroes.

To see dozens more videos of the aforementioned hero see and subscribe to his YouTube channel by clicking this link: ZBudget Director

Destroyer, The Rape, Torture and Murder of Vanna White

The rape, murder, and torture of Vanna White? That's why Lyle Alzado is in the electric chair in 1988's "Destroyer." Oh yeah, to make matters worse, after Vanna White, Lyle Alzado will try to do the same to "Valley Girl" Deborah Foreman! How horrible. Throw in Anthony Perkins as a movie director shooting a women-in-prison sexploitation flick in an abandoned prison and we have a vicious and unforgiving horror film.
After raping, torturing, and murdering a Vanna White character (Cathy Eberhard) and 22 others, Ivan (Alzado) is executed in an electric chair. His execution inspires a riot at the corrupt prison and many guards and inmates will die. But wait! Is Ivan dead? 18 months later Robert (Anthony Perkins) is filming a women in chains exploitation epic at the prison. Susan (Foreman) is his stunt lady and she is having weird nightmares that Ivan is after her. Her boyfriend, David (Clayton Rohner) assures her Ivan is dead. The leading babe in the film is Sharon Fox (Lannie Garrett), and she is a real bitch. Then the murders start as Ivan seems to be very alive. A blow torch fries the former warden, a corrupt cop will be taken apart by a jackhammer, and even the electric chair will beset some of the film crew.
As Ivan continues to torment Susan, no one believes Susan is in danger. Bombshell actress Sharon will catch Ivan's eye and Ivan has special plans for her. As Robert films his massive cat-fight-in-the-shower scenes, Ivan watches and is aroused. Now he is exploding to do all sorts of perverted and awful acts on the perky stunt-woman...and he will have that opportunity. As Susan must now face Ivan, she will be pummeled, licked, groped, and tortured...but she has fight in her. Oh yeah, David? Who cares!?
Will Susan escape the tortuous and humiliating fate the game show hostess and B movie scream-queen endured? Does the diminutive and sultry valley girl have any prayer against the Oakland Raider brute? Did this film ensure that the Raiders would eventually move out of Oakland into Las Vegas as the people of Oakland rebel against misogyny?  This is a good one and is extremely brutal. At times it is difficult to watch what Lyle Alzado does to our favorite valley girl. Not for fans of "Wheel of Fortune," but for all others, enjoy "Destroyer," directed by Robert Kirk.

Saturday, April 4, 2020

The Final Scream, Casting and Torture Porn

Okay, I admit it...this film has flaws. This begs a great, age old question; Is gory torture porn and a sultry final girl enough to overcome any flaw? Of course! Hence 2019's "The Final Scream," directed by Scott Jeffrey. Perhaps this is a dramatic exaggeration of an industry infected with the Harvey Weinstein mindset, or perhaps it is just gratuitous and deviant horror, in any event, we are left with a neat slasher film where so many of the beautiful will die so horribly.
Kia (Kate Lister) is an aspiring actress desperately holding onto the dream of making it in pictures. With little cause for hope, she is desperate and accepts a casting call from a shady website. She is offered the part as the final girl in Tim's (Marc Ozall) low budget slasher film. She will play a bride who is stalked in the woods along with her beautiful bridesmaids. She's excited and so is Tim. Kia will star in the film and Tim will have his cast...for a snuff film. See, Tim is not only a pervert, but also a deviant homicidal maniac. He desires to strap each gal down and torture them with...well, you'll see. And see it you will.
Slow on the uptake, Kia begins acting for the camera and eventually gets suspicious...too late. Now Kia is in the role of her life, but her new role better be of commando if she hopes to survive. Ah good news, her sultry lesbian lover Reece (Becca Hirani), and her agent figure things out and race to the remote location. Bad news...more victims for Tim. As bridesmaids and other lovelies are strung up or strapped down, power drills and pliers are brought out. Now Kia is on the run but with the emergence of Reece as a prisoner, she must return and try to save her...and of course kill Tim and his crew. The sultry Kia will give us some gratuitous scenes as the end credits approach, and Tim will get increasingly deranged and angry.
Will the sultry Kia emerge as a final girl or will Tim's snuff film be made on schedule? Will the sultry Kia's lesbian relationship with the sultry Reece be exploited by either Tim...or the actual makers of "The Final Scream"? Ms. Lister as Kia is the strength of this film and plays to the camera very well, you guys will love watching her. Scenes of icky torture will abound with some neat kills interspersed (car keys and hedge-clippers galore). For a gruesome good time with gore and cheesecake, enjoy "The Final Scream."

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Solid State, Girl Punk Band and the Apocalypse

Debbie Rochon! Her name is pure poetry to us horror fans. Dress her up in leather and studs, give her Miss Bikini for four years in a row and a sultry cowgirl, and we have a trio adept at warding off a mysterious invasion. Oh yeah, we won't mention it too much in this review but male drummers seem to die horribly when Debbie Rochon sings...poetry! Debbi Rochon, in an age of boring remakes and super-hero garbage, has continually given us films we actually want to see and 2012's "Solid State" (directed by Stefano Milla) is no exception.
Celeb agent Fox (Viveca A. Fox) has put the band back together again and lead singer Emily (Rochon) isn't happy. The sultry lead singer hated her two female colleagues, back-up singer Cynthia (Ava Brunini) who is now a country singer, and guitarist Sharon (Suzi Lorraine) who is now a bikini model and CEO of a designer edible lingerie company. They're all babes and Emily isn't happy to see them. Only the drummer needs replacement as they usually die horrible when around Emily, and Ray (Diego Castle) fills the bill. Fox arranges for their reunion in Italy and the band flies there and stays at a villa. Oh yeah, of no consequence to the band, an asteroid is heading our way with the girth to destroy Earth. Thank heavens NASA sends up a missile and blows it up, only to have a meteor from it fall near the villa where our band, 3 of Sin, is crashing.
Immediately Italians are turned into meteor zombies and have our punk band trapped in the villa. For food they eat Sharon's lingerie. The bickering band comes up with a plan for escape and are soon on the run. The monster Italians are eager to either kill the babes or turn them. As the large breasted band and their menacing drummer run through Italy Emily can't take their inanity anymore and separates from them. She'll discover a town with a secret and perhaps the explanation of what exactly is going on and how to fight it. Oh yeah, just as significant, our sultry cowgirl Cynthia has grabbed a really big machine gun for the fight to save mankind. Yes!
Exactly where did this infectious meteor come from and is their an intelligence in it? Is edible lingerie gluten-free? Will Emily wage war against her ditsy band mates or the alien intelligence that has invaded Italy? The wit and ominousness are fantastic as this scifi/horror spectacular quickly takes us through a potential apocalypse with weird zombies and beautiful punk performers. For some great cheesecake, edible bras and panties, and eerie Italian settings, see "Solid State."

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Alien Predator (2018), Navy SEALs vs. Space Aliens

What does a movie look like that only garners a 1/7/10 rating on IMDB? Well...its better than any of those DC or Marvel monstrosities. Better than any "Iron Man," "Wonder Woman," or "Thor" films. Cheers for the Syfy Channel and our buddies at Asylum for giving us movies we want to see devoid of the inane preaching of big-budget Hollywood. Hence 2018's "Alien Predator," directed by Jared Cohn.
An alien ship crashes into a building in the jungle of Honduras and a special black-ops Navy SEAL team is sent in to investigate. They will be shredded by Alien lasers and the gore that ensues will be quite gory. Back at base, tech guy Brooks (Dutch Hofstetter) hears the carnage over the radio and advises Captain Adrian (Xavi Israel). Adrian is then denied permission to go rescue his buddies. Disobeying orders, Adrian puts a team together anyway which include the PTSD-ridden Brooks, some guys who grunt a lot, and two SEAL babes (Katy Bentz and Amanda Rivas). Off they go into the jungle in hopes of finding SEAL survivors...this won't go well.
After finding some weird signs of carnage which include alien goo, alien booby traps, and ripped apart humans, Adrian and his men find the crashed spaceship. As the booby traps begin to whittle down his ill-prepared team, he concocts a plan to enter the ship to rescue any human left alive. As alien lasers pick apart more Navy SEALs, Adrian's team enters the ship. Awaiting them are more surprises and our SEAL babes won't fare well, I'm afraid. The deaths all differ and provide some neat gore. Brooks, the tech guy, begins finding out answers and discovers not every alien on the ship is a soldier. As the second team's numbers diminish rapidly, Adrian must rely on the PTSD-ridden tech guy to figure out exactly what they are dealing with and why are the aliens here.
What will be the fate of the SEAL babes, and do the aliens have special plans for them (like in a Roger Corman film)? Is there a chance Brooks will be able to communicate with the big buggers? Just what are the SEALs doing in Honduras and is this a repeat of the annoying meddling in Central America in which the U.S. and Russia just can't seem to avoid? This is a much better film than anything Tom Hanks or Steven Spielberg shove our way. Good gore...good action...great looking cast...and no annoying preaching! For a good time, see "Alien Predator."

Sunday, March 29, 2020

The Banker, Financial Whiz and Weird Indian Cults

High stakes bankers do serve a purpose. They put deals together that affect corporations and enable them to grow, thus hiring more people and producing more goods and services. Just because some of these financiers are misogynistic homicidal lunatics shouldn't dissuade us from appreciating their services to our society. I mean, just because they hunt women with crossbows and use their corpses for cultist offerings to weird deities doesn't mean they're bad people. Who among us doesn't have an aspect of all that in our private lives? Hence 1989's "The Banker," directed by William Webb.
Spaulding Osbourne (Duncan Regehr) is the above mentioned lunatic. He pays for the classiest hookers and then shoots them with a crossbow and carves up their bodies in weird cult ceremonies. Jaynie (Teri Weigel) is the first to succumb to some ancient South American deity, and we are sorry to see her go. Her sex scene (pre-marital sex, I might add) is steamy and vicious. Detective Dan (Robert Forster) is assigned to the case and he figures there will be more killings. He is a good detective and Spaulding has no idea what he is in for.  Neither does another sultry hooker, Melanie (Deborah Richter). She'll be carved up, as well. However, Melanie was one of Dan's snitches and now Dan is taking this case more seriously.
Uh oh again, info-babe Sharon (Shanna Reed) is covering the story for a TV station. She also happens to be Dan's ex-wife. Sharon detests that a misogynistic killer is killing young ladies. Her approach on the air is antagonistic and she mocks and humiliates the killer. Not a good move. Spaulding will buy the TV station and then stalk her. More sultry whores will die horribly as well as some poor schmucks who figure out it's Spaulding. Spaulding's crossbow gets a lot of use in this film and now he aims it at Sharon, who just happens to be falling back in love with her ex, Detective Dan.
As Dan and Sharon get sweet on each other again, Spaulding goes full throttle Inca (or maybe Aztec) madman.
Are Sharon's First Amendment rights as a TV reporterette more important than the sensitivities of weird, homicidal, South American Inca cults? Who would win in a one on one contest between the hunk Duncan Regehr and the babe Rhona Mitra (crossbow vixen in "Hard Target 2") in a duel of crossbows? Oh yes, the last five minutes of this film is classic which includes one of the best one-liners ever uttered in film history. For a steamy and vicious thriller, with terrific crossbow carnage, see "The Banker."

Friday, March 27, 2020

Crash Site, Charisma Carpenter in Much Peril

When selecting a film to review I have three criteria. The second one: Is Charisma Carpenter in it? Hence a review today of 2011's "Crash Site." The charming and vivacious former Sand Diego Charger cheerleader shines so bright even after being bruised, scraped, bitten by icky things, chased and attacked by wolves, and caught in a marriage that is going down the drain. Oh yeah, for you gals, her husband is played by major league hunk, Sebastian me, you'll like him.
Okay, the sultry Rita (Carpenter) and hunk Dan (Spence) are on the outs. He works all the time and has neglected his family. His daughter Frances (Katie Findlay) has grown into a major league babe. The last straw is when he misses his daughter's graduation party, now he needs to figure out a way to stay married. A trip to the lodge in the woods! Everyone loves the idea and Dan must resist the temptation of bringing work with him (laptop and smart phone). Uh oh...Frances brings her smarmy boyfriend Matthew (Steven Grayhm). After the great looking couple keep bickering, Dan announces he and Rita will go an an overnight camping trip, just the two of devices. Good move, except for the fact Matthew has actually seduced Frances to get close to her dad so he can kill him. Dan and Rita drive off with cut brake lines, courtesy of Matthew, and crash in the wilderness.
After regaining conscious, both spouses have chances of saving each other's life. Alas, the beautiful Rita is bitten by a poisonous spider as wolves start stalking them. The two go back and forth between bickering and tender moments as Rita lays some awful news on Dan. Meanwhile, the nubile Frances finds herself in much danger at home with Matthew, who is bent on murder and industrial espionage. As the two are stalked by more and more wolves, who now decide to attack, they both have realized what happened to them and desire to get back and save Frances.
Just how could Dan spend so much time at work with Charisma Carpenter waiting for him at home? Does the plot even matter when Charisma Carpenter is in the film? Fighting for their lives, will we see our very good looking couple put their marriage back together? Charisma Carpenter and Sebastian Spence play to the camera very well and this film is fast-paced and beautifully shot in the woods of the Pacific northwest. For some great cheesecake and beefcake, and some neat nature scenes, watch "Crash Site."

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Cell Count, Quarantine and Icky Creatures

Laura Duyn, an actress, half Thai and half Dutch, is a lovely lady who plays a stewardess (IMDB lists her as a stewardess in the credits) in 2012's "Cell Count." Wait! She's not really a stewardess here, she's'll see. This is a good one...a medical horror story that gets quite gory pretty quickly. Perhaps a love story, or an erotic fantasy, but definitely not the feel good film of 2012, this movie has everything. Oh yes...and then there is the stewardess she even real? You'll see...but you'll have to watch the film as I will refrain from spoilers regarding our half Asian stewardess.
The formerly lovely Sadie (Haley Talbot) is dying from an awful disease and her hunk husband Russell (Robert McKeehen) watches on helplessly. But wait! A cure? Dr. Brandt (Christopher Toyne), who looks as if he is right out of a Nazi death camp clinic, makes the sad couple a deal of a lifetime. Apparently he has a cure, still in its experimental stages, with minor side effects. All the lovebirds have to do is agree...they do. The three are whisked off to a secret U.S. government facility. Fast forward three weeks and Sadie is beautiful again, and apparently disease free. Also at the facility are other patients cured of the illness. Uh oh...only Sadie and Russell are happy, the others, who have been there longer, are not as joyful. Also not as joyful are a couple of murderers in holding cells who have also volunteered for "the cure."
"The Cure"? Ha...its...well, you'll see it. Dr. Brandt assures his test subjects all is going well. Ick! subject Mary (Adrienne Vogel) manifests an ugly side effect. Now Russell is getting sick, as Sadie only improves. Now we get a glimpse of the cure and it is monstrous. Now the test subjects are eager to get the cure out of their bodies...before it finds its own way out. Now the test subjects plot rebellion and our stewardess-like babe forms an attachment to one of those subjects. What follows? Icky creatures, machine-gun battles, and carnage...gory carnage. Then the epic and ambitious ending that only invites a graphic novel series to be created.
Will Russell and Sadie be able to go home and start a family? What is "the cure" and what does it look like? Exactly what is this governmental scientific facility and is there any escape from it? This is an icky one and the ending is all encompassing and ominous. For an icky (there's that word again) movie watching experience, which includes the lovely Laura Duyn, see "Cell Count," directed by Todd E. Freeman.

Monday, March 23, 2020

The Dark Side of the Moon, The Devil and Sultry AI

We all remember the HAL 9000 from that old Stanley Kubrick film. Here's a neat take on that plot device... how about instead of a boring disembodied voice, the AI that is the lifeblood of the spaceship is in fact a sultry babe, with a seductive European accent, clad in a tight leather jumpsuit showing much cleavage. Yep, we can all agree Mr. Kubrick missed out on one heck of a plot device. Hence today we discuss 1990's "The Dark Side of the Moon," directed by D.J. Webster.
In the year 2022 a spaceship is headed toward the moon to repair a nuclear spy satellite. Uh oh, a mysterious force fries their electronics and now the ship is drifting helplessly toward the dark side of the moon. The captain, Flynn (Robert Sampson), and the first mate Giles (Will Bledsoe), try everything to no avail. The oxygen is running out and the temperature is decreasing fast. Lesli (Camilla More), the sultry babe who is the ship's computer, is consulted and she advises there are no problems. Uh oh...the space shuttle Discover approaches, this craft has been missing for 30 years, ever since it crash landed in the Bermuda Triangle.  Desperate, the crew manages to connect with the supposed derelict shuttle, and needing more air, Flynn and Giles board it.
Connecting to the shuttle will have eerie results. They find the corpse of a crew member, with his stomach exposed. The corpse is brought back onto their ship and will attack spacebabe Alex (Wendy MacDonald). The corpse was seemingly dead, but opened its eyes and appeared to be occupied by Satan. Satan takes Alex' sultry body and begins moving to other crew members. Meanwhile the two ships are being drawn into the dark side of the moon. Giles does some research with Lesli's help and finds out a macabre connection to the Bermuda Triangle and the hundreds of ships that vanished there. As spacebabe Alex meets a horrible fate and spacebabe computer seems to be in much danger, other crew members are disemboweled.
Just what is this Satan being up to, and what is his connection to the dark side of the moon and the Bermuda Triangle? Will the sultry Lesli be able to stop Satan's advances? Will Giles and Flynn figure out what is going on and stop the evil from destroying the entire vessel? This may be a very scaled down "Event Horizon," albeit with some nice gore and cheesecake. At very least, Lesli is a lot more appealing than the HAL 9000. For a neat scifi/horror film with spacebabes and Satan, enjoy "The Dark Side of the Moon."

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Zoombies 2, Meerkats and Porcupines and Hippos, Oh My!

In a follow up to the best film of 2016, Zoombies , we will  take a look at the best film made in 2019, Zoombies 2. Epic and classic are understatements in this tale featuring some amazing beefcake and cheesecake combined with cute critters turned into fiendish monsters. This one plays on our nightmares or being picked apart by meerkats and aardvarks.
A team of poachers headed by Toronto (Jarrid Masse) sneak into a wildlife preserve to steal some rare animals. Jezel (Terra Strong) has invented a tranquilizer to assist in this endeavor. Uh oh...the tranquilizer turns the critters into zombie-animals. Immediately, zombie meerkats eat some poachers, and a rhino rids the preserve of another one. Jezel and her pretty cohort, Layne (Ashley Alva) will be arrested by hunk ranger Randy (Jonathan Buckley). We won't mention Layne again as she will have her face eaten off by a zombie-porcupine. As the two babe poachers are brought back to the lab, Brooke (Erica Sturdefant), a major league babe, the head vet, is angry and wants to rip the poachers apart.
Now Toronto runs in and warns meerkats are attacking, but no one believes him. Randy heads out to look for more poachers and realizes Toronto is right. Back at the lab, two baby porcupines turn into zombies and eat lab technicians and Layne and wound the sultry Brooke. Now Randy and some cohorts, along with Toronto, are stranded in the preserve under attack from zombie hippos, aardvarks, and anacondas. Just when all seems hopeless, Jezel claims she knows how to make an antidote for the tranquilizer she invented...but the cure may be deadlier than the present predicament. As rhinos, tigers, and more meerkats attack, Brooke takes charge and decides to trust the arrested Jezel.
Is there a good cat-fight on tap between the sultry Brooke and the ravishing Jezel? Will Randy make it back to the lab with Toronto, and if so...will the lab even be there? Miss Sturdefant turns in a terrific performance and plays to the camera really well. For you gals, Mr. Buckley will melt your heart. In the most important film of 2019, "Zoombies 2" will gnaw at your consciousness and cause vegans to go carnivore.

Friday, March 20, 2020

A Legacy of Whining, A Couple of Schmucks and Cuban Revolutionaries

Back in 1981 an art-house film, "My Dinner With Andre" hit the screen. Boring and artsy-fartsy in nature, it told the story of two men reuniting for dinner after a long separation to gab about old times. Realizations about the meanings of their lives and their significance are discovered. Yawn! Take that film, and instead of two sophisticate-wannabe protagonists, add in a schmuck like us, a deviant-wannabe, three Cuban whores, and a bottle of absinthe. Hence the madcap, and perhaps very convicting "A Legacy of Whining." This 2016 film is written and directed by Vancouver film maker Ross Munro...who also stars in it.
Hitting 50, Mitch (Munro) is at the airport waiting on his high school chum, Dunc (Robert David Duncan). Before Dunc arrives we get to know Mitch...he still harbors dreams of making it as an actor. As much as we like him, we pity him as everyone at the airport seems to have more ability than he. His interactions at the airport reinforce his pathetic existence as porn stars and wheel-chair bound hookers are thrown at us by Ross Munro. Dunc arrives and it is obvious the two have grown apart over the past three decades.  Dunc wants to hit bars and screw hookers. Mitch wants to get home and get some rest for an early morning audition for a part he won't get.
Alas an enigmatic flier left on Mitch's car sets the rest of the film in motion. This flier suggests an evening of wild eroticism, but Mitch is content on going to a coffee house to catch up. Catching up won't be a good idea as Dunc, motivated by a failed marriage, wants whores and alcohol. Mitch still clings to dreams that will never be realized. The awkward coffee hour will meld into a visit to the address on the flier, a house of ill repute, staffed by sultry Cuban revolutionaries (Angie Descalzi, Kellani Elizabeth Rose, and Dayana Hernandez) desiring freedom for the oppressed, and also to loosen up the tight Mitch. However hesitant and uncomfortable Mitch is, he'll have opportunities for epiphanies and self reflection...but will he take them?
Perhaps this film is a chronicle of a reunion that should never have taken place, or perhaps it poses an opportunity of salvation for Mitch. The final five minutes will hammer us with a convicting moral and those who empathize with Mitch may want to listen up. The dialog is witty and at times hilarious, and the performances are first rate. "A Legacy of Whining" will have you laughing often and ultimately get you to take a good look in the mirror. Whether a "Paramilitary Hooters" (you'll see) is necessary for your self-realization, is debatable, nonetheless, a prod to let go of your past may be necessary. Incidentally, not mentioned in this review (to avoid spoilers) is the great performance by the sultry Abby de Forest.
To see "A Legacy of Whining" on Amazon Prime click this link  A LEGACY OF WHINING

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Massage Parlor Murders!, Gratuitous and Kinky Crime Thriller

Gratuitous and kinky? Hey...its 1973's "Massage Parlor Murders!" Yep, deviant role playing sex, a lot of pre-marital sex, skinny dipping, and more. With gritty New York City as the motif, a real psycho goes through lovely 'women of the night" like crap through a goose. All the deaths will be brutal and deviant, and two hard-boiled detectives will seem over matched. Directed  by Chester Fox and Alex Stevens, this one graced the drive-ins.
At the Venus Paradise, the "massage therapists" wait for their next man. A strange man arrives and picks out Rosie (Chris Jordan). This will be unfortunate for the redhead as the maniac busts her head open and strangles her with her own bra. Detectives Rizotti (George Spencer) and Mara (John Moser) respond to the carnage. Very bloody. The handsome young Mara pays a visit to Rosie's roommate, Gwen (Sandra Peabody). She is also a "massage therapist." She cries at learning of Rosie's death, but stops soon to fall in love with Detective Mara. They'll kiss, drink together, have pre-marital sex, go on picnics, and yes...skinny dip. Meanwhile Rizotti gets grouchy and yells at everyone.
The fiend strikes again and again. His killings are getting nastier and he even uses acid and ritualistic sacrificial rites. Detective Mara is too busy having immoral relations with Gwen and Rizotti is too busy yelling at people to try to figure out who the killer is. A lot of weird suspects emerge including Brother Theodore and George Dzundza. As the killer continues, Rizotti gets inspiration from an unlikely source and believes he has a bead on the psycho. Detective Mara continues to get nude a lot and do deviant things...nasty Gwen, our proverbial working girl.
Will Rizotti stop yelling long enough to put a couple of clues together? What is the motivation of this fiend and his weird methods of killing ladies of the night? Will Mara inspire Gwen to leave the world of massage therapy and take up typewriter repair? Most of this film is gratuitous scenes containing nudity and deviance...but who are we to complain? For an accurate depiction of early 1970s New York, enjoy "Massage Parlor Murders!" 

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Future Fear, Las Vegas Showgirl Saves the Day

Ah Maria Ford! Las Vegas showgirl, bikini poster model, and martial artist...yes! In a rather gratuitous and energetic performance in this Roger Corman film, Ms. Ford saves a disjointed, often annoying apocalyptic science fiction film. Technically Jeff Wincott is top-billed in this one, but his performance is wooden and his character is annoying, thus we won't talk much about him. IMDB gave this film a rating of 2.5/10, but they must've ignored Maria Ford. Hence 1997's "Future Fear."
As the film begins Anna (Ford) is pursuing her husband John (Wincott) with the intent to kill him. The guy is an annoying bore, and she is a sultry babe, thus we're for this. Anna is sent to kill him and collect some embryo samples which John stole by the evil General Wallace (Stacy Keach). Wallace is a Hitler wannabe and the embryos are made from space RNA mixed with Anna's eggs and will create a master race.
As Anna pursues the bore, the two realize they still love each other. We'll get a lot of flashback scenes which feature Anna nude and making violent love to John. John will realize that his dad was murdered by Wallace. John's dad realized this experiment would yield monstrous results and destroyed it. Uh oh...Wallace recreated it and he is ready to grow the embryos, wipe out all of humanity, and allow a superior race (species) to repopulate. As Anna catches up to John, she and him will engage in some nice fighting and philosophical banter about life and our burden to either save it or wipe it out. Anna's back story yields some neat questions and explains her'll see.
Maria Ford is so terrific in this, even fully clothed in a red jumpsuit. Will the sultry Anna give us all a thrill and blow away the annoying and self righteous John?  What will those stolen embryos grow into if they are allowed to develop? Why is Anna so fanatical about the preservation of the alien embryos? The questions posed by this film are good ones and obviously ignored by the IMDB snobs. Either way, Maria Ford's performance alone make this a terrific film and perhaps can be looked at as a prequel to Corman's "The Terror Beneath." For some good science fiction apocalyptic fun, see "Future Fear."

Sunday, March 15, 2020

The Incubus, Demon Rape

In the interest of gender equality, and since I reviewed Succubus back in 2018, we will take a look at 1981's "The Incubus." Perhaps this one will be difficult for some to watch as many of the rape scenes are quite brutal and gratuitous. However, as far as creepy horror goes, this is a pretty good one, with a neat ending many may never have seen coming. To be fair to this film we should mention that the rape scenes were delivered with a brutality in which the victims suffered greatly. I mention this because in Roger Corman's Galaxy of Terror the MPAA almost gave it an X rating because they claimed actress Taeffe O'Connell appeared to enjoy the experience when she was raped by a giant worm.
In a small Wisconsin town Tim (Duncan McIntosh) has nightmares of a woman being tortured in a dungeon. Whenever he has these dreams, some babe in town is brutally raped, usually killed, by some monster. Mandy (Mitch Martin) is the first, and her beau is killed. A librarian  (Denise Ferguson) will be next. Mandy will survive but has gone mad. Town doctor, Sam (John Cassavetes) and police chief Hank (John Ireland) team up to get to the bottom of this. More rapes of town babes occur and they are all brutally murdered as well. Gratuitous shower scenes are present and monstrous rape scenes are there too.
Sam awkwardly falls in love with town reporterette Laura (Kerrie Keane). The two drink together, kiss, and awkwardly almost have pre-marital sex. Uh oh, Sam's daughter Jenny (Erin Noble) is Tim's girlfriend. As Tim continues to dream, nubile damsels are raped and shredded some more. Now Tim figures out he is the culprit and so does Sam. Now Sam tries to figure out how milquetoast Tim could be doing all these brutal rapes. Uh oh again, the secret is known by Tim's grandmother (Helen Hughes) and concerns some eerie hi-jinx that went on way in the past.
Is the sultry and nubile Laura in more danger from the incubus demon or from the awkward and weird Dr. Sam? Is wimpish Tim's manifestation as a demon monster something that his GF Jenny might find oddly appealing? Is the incubus a metaphor for western society's inbred misogyny through history, or is it just a gratuitous horror film plot device? Brutal, weird, and ominous, "The Incubus" is an interesting horror film that probably should be avoided on date night. Okay...out of an appeal to good taste, I am not gonna say the rapes in this film were a foretelling of Harvey Weinstein's rape of [CENSORED].

Friday, March 13, 2020

Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow, Angelina Jolie Does Blade Runner

Before Angelina Jolie was the annoying being that she is today, she was a cyborg in a sequel to a Jean-Claude Van Damme film. Remember Sean Young as the sultry cyborg who runs off with Harrison Ford at the end of "Blade Runner"? Well, we wondered if the man and machine duo could find happiness, that was left an open question. Same deal here as a sultry cyborg falls in love...but can it work, especially if Jack Palance is spying her every move? Hence 1992's "Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow."
In the year 2074 Earth is in ruins and an American company and a Japanese company compete to furnish the elite with cyborgs. Cyborgs to fight in wars, cyborgs to provide wild sex...what a world! Pinwheel Corporation has an idea, destroy its Japanese competitor.  As our film begins we see pleasure cyborg Dreena (Renee Allman) having that wild sex with a schmuck...she climaxes...she explodes. Yep, a counter-espionage cyborg designed to explode upon climax. With the successful test they fill up sultry cyborg Cash (Jolie). Uh oh, Dreena was Cash's BFF and when Cash comes across her remains, the not-beautiful-anymore Dreena warns her.
Cash is as close to human as a cyborg can be and her goal in life is a lot of wild sex with her personal trainer, Colt (Elias Koteas). With the help of Mercy (Jack Palance), a mysterious'll see, the two escape to find love above ground. Pinwheel wants her back and sends sultry cyborg assassin Chen (Karen Sheperd) after them. Some great cat-fights will ensue between these two cyborg beauties. Even more menacing, Pinwheel sends Bench (Billy Drago) after them, too. Bench is a true psycho heavily concerned about his vanity. He'll even mix it up with Chen. As Colt and Cash continue to fall deeper in love, Chen and Bench get angrier and more violent, and Pinwheel sends in heavily armed troops. Never fear, Mercy has an outlandish plan for the lovebirds escape.
Exactly who or what is Mercy and can he be trusted? Will Colt and Cash have the same questions facing them as Sean Young and Harrison Ford did? Why can't pleasure cyborgs ever find true happiness in these films and will Cash's fate differ? Okay, I know, the thought of a sultry babe blowing up during climax is too easy a metaphor to pass on, but out of good taste, I will pass on it. For some neat cyborg carnage, cyborg love, and cyborg sex, see "Cyborg 2: Glass Shadow," directed by Michael Schroeder.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Olga's Girls, Vicious White Slavery Exploitation

Graphic sexploitation set in a house of ill repute. Pretty ladies whipped, tortured, and broken. The same ladies in gratuitous shower scenes. At the mercy of a leather clad and sultry torture-hound, the ladies will be in much peril in this 1964 docu-drama about the evils of human trafficking (white slavery) and drugs. Hence "Olga's Girls." Vicious and gratuitous, this film may have a 1960s corniness to it, but the story is real.
Olga (Audrey Campbell) runs a house of prostitution. She buys her girls from 'The Syndicate' and addicts them to drugs in order to make them dependent on her. The pretty ladies are then forced to be prostitutes. Out of good measure, Olga tortures them. Olga dons a leather costume, strings up the ladies, whips them and sometimes cages them nude and forces them to eat off the floor. Olga has her favorites and Bunny (Loloni Nocolo), and this beauty is strictly Olga's attendant, providing lesbian sex to her.
The torture scenes get vicious as Olga will cut out the tongue of Kitty (Ann Pepper), thought to be an informant. Ah, rebellion looms. Cat-fights, more torture, more shower scenes, lead up to a brutal conclusion. As Olga's leadership style encompasses pain, humiliation, and fear, the heroin addicted ladies are hardly in a position for rebellion...but once dismemberment and death introduce themselves to the plot, they will take the chance.
Will several addicted ladies have a prayer to fight the wise Olga in their pursuit of freedom? What do the rebels have planned if they are able to overthrow Olga? If the ladies fail, what will Olga do to them? Bras and panties will fly, hair will be pulled, faces scratched, female body parts will shake up and down, and many of the beautiful will suffer horribly. Directed by Joseph P. Mawra, "Olga's Girls" is one of the most vicious exploitation tales you will ever see, and the feel good film of 1964 (okay, perhaps not).

Monday, March 9, 2020

Satanico Pandemonium, Sultry Nun Behaving Badly

Just what does the sub-genre of Euro-Trash have for nuns? Apparently a fetish. Unlike most nuns, many European horror films portray them as nymphomaniac-lesbians just itching to throw off their habits and robes. Now the Mexicans have gotten into the game.  Ave Maria! Hence a Mexican film from 1975, "Satanico Pandemonium," directed by Gilberto Martinez Solares, is our feature today. I repeat, Ave Maria! Also called "La Sexorcista," this film chronicles the downfall, literal and spiritual, of Sister Maria.
Sister Maria (Cecilia Pezet) is a sultry nun at a convent in rural Spain. How do we know she is sultry, after all, nuns are quite covered by robes and habits? Well, she sheds those garments a lot in this film...either in extreme lust for sex, being raped...or doing the raping. Okay, while picking flowers she meets a naked man, who is quite endowed. He offers her an apple and she runs away. Yep, Luzbel (Enrique Rocha) tells her to call him Lucifer. She runs back to her convent and keeps seeing visions of this naked man offering her an apple. She runs to her room, strips naked, and whips herself.
Sister Maria is quite respected among the other nuns (who we will also see quite naked). One beautiful nun comes to see her to confess her sins and she tries to rape Maria. Maria eventually gives in and begins to enjoy the rape when she sees Lucifer doing the deed, instead of the nun. Now, her sexual prowess exploding, another nun comes in to confess...Maria rapes the poor gal...then stabs her in the back. Maria will then go on a homicidal orgy, but not after trying to rape a young boy. She'll visit the boy's house to finish the job. Maria will rape the boy in his bed, butcher him, then butcher his mother. Now Lucifer has a deal for Maria...and horrifically, it may be a deal she won't be able to refuse.
Okay...enough of this gratuitous plot. Sister Maria is indeed sultry and naked through much of this film. Her resistance to temptation is almost non-existent and she will partake in not only sexual orgies but also homicidal ones. Blood will flow, and boy and nun alike will fall victim to her fall from grace. Will Maria be able to reverse her fall and eschew Satan? Though raped, will the young Mexican boy be traumatized by it or be heralded by his buddies (much like Florida school boys raped by their sultry teachers)? Is this film a vicious tirade against the sexual suppression of the Catholic church or a warning of the dangers of Satan's influence? If the above plot recap doesn't offend, see "Satanico Pandemonium."