The Snow Demon, Idiots vs. the Monster

Go monster! From the United Kingdom we have a stirring film about a creature that haunts the frozen tundra of the United Kingdom. Go with it. Sure, the protagonists are silly and annoying, but our demon, or monster, or Yeti, or whatever it is, will be unmerciful. Today we look at 2026's "The Snow Demon," directed by Dominic Nutter.

As our film begins, Lila (Jenny Miller), a babe, is chased through a kind of snowy landscape by a... well... a snow demon.  This grouchy looking monster that looks like a big coyote that stands on its hind legs, is probably as annoyed by the babe as we will be at her friends, that will come look for her.  Demon wins. It claws Lila apart and eats her...just like a man who has had too much to drink at a frat party. One year later, her buddies come to the isolated part of these woods where she was last seen.  They stay at the same cabin they stayed at last year when Lila wandered away not to be seen again. Emma (Francesca Weir) has the brilliant idea that all of them will light candles to show Lila's spirit the way home. Harper (Belle Taylor) is a thin Goth-wannabe who doesn't quite buy this 'show her the way home' strategy. Jade (Gina Smith) has a secret which once revealed will make us yawn. Rhea (Jessie Vinning)...well, she's there too. Oh, Rowan (Ben Maddocks)! He needs a dose of manhood and to stop hanging out with a scrapbooking crowd.

The snow begins to fall and Harper goes for a jog. She meets a folklorist, Owen (Ronny Mendoza) and then watches him get eaten by the demon. She runs back to the cabin in shock, and Rowan takes Jade, or is it Emma, and goes out to see what scared Harper...he'll find it...to his dismay. Now the gals who are left, which include the catatonic Harper, must batten down the hatches of the cabin and survive. Jade sort of takes the lead...and all her ideas are ridiculous.  The demon-thing seems to have the advantage in this war and will end up eating well. Then, as their ranks thin, Jade comes up with more bad plans.

Will any of the babes survive the wrath of this coyote-like thing?  Will these candles ever get lit?  Is there a man around who has some ounce of masculinity that could come by and save the gals and kill the fiendish demon-thing? This is a fun one, in a MST3K sort of way.  See "The Snow Demon" and see just how far the U.K. has fallen under Keir Starmer, or this new Andy Burnham guy.

The Black Demon, Senor Shark

Okay, maybe I have been a bit too cranky of late.  Still, I have to confess...we have another film in which I'm cheering for the monster. Unlikable characters? Yep...but the preachy tone of this one really turns us against the idiots who will be beset by a 200 foot long shark. Oh, as in many modern shark films, homage will be paid to "Jaws" with the classic line, "I got no spit." Of all the lines...but again, I know I'm a bit too grouchy of late. Let us look at the big shark film from 2023, that no one has seen (big surprise there), "The Black Demon," directed by Adrian Grunberg.

The Baja coast of Mexico.  Hopefully soon to be the America Coast of the United States, is suffering as all its fishing villages are destitute. Cartels? No!  See, a giant demon god has been woken up after an American oil company's oil rig has leaked. Now the demon shark monster is inflicting carnage on all responsible. Enter the  oil company scientist Paul (Josh Lucas). He is assigned to inspect the rig and close it down.  With him are his insufferable family, a Mexican babe wife Ines (Fernanda Urrejola), and two snotty kids (Carlos Solorzano and Venus Ariel). Oh the horrors created by the inane idea of "Bring Your Kids to Work Day." Yep, don't ask, but the family ends up in the rig with Paul...and they are annoying. Everyone on the rig is now in the sea in many pieces.  Only two are left on the rig, the machete wielding Chato (Julio Cesar Cedillo) and Junior (Jorge Jimenez).

Paul is told that because the rig has ruined the environment, the big shark has been sent by some obscure god to wreak vengeance on any human that has ruined the environment. Yawn. The shark attacks the rig with hopes of bringing it down.  Paul and Chato work to secure the rig, get the power back on, and contact someone on shore to come rescue them. Ines and the kids get in the way of the plot and serve to slow it way down...as the kids do at work in those insufferable "Bring Your Kids to Work Days" do. The shark keeps attacking and also eating any boat that could rescue the family and the two Mexican brutes. Feeling guilty about ruining the environment, Paul works to save everyone on board, even his lead weight of a family, and also to bring to light what his oil company has done to the waters off Baja...which we will call the America Coast.  Go ahead say it!  

Will Paul be able to save his family or will the big shark, mercifully, eat them all?  If Mexico refuses to clean up the drug cartels, should anyone feel bad about some leaked oil on the America coast? Will the demon shark take Paul's family as a sacrifice to stop terrorizing the rig?  We can only hope. This is a fun one and big shark movies always have appeal.  For a fun viewing experience, practice saying "America Coast" and see "The Black Demon."

The Flying Serpent, The Reptile-Bird-Vampire Thing

We have been asking for this our whole lives. A definitive movie about Montezuma's Revenge. When the Aztecs go down to defeat at the hands of savages, they no doubt conjure up some of their gods. Enter Quetzalcoatl. Humongous and thunderous creature?  As big as Godzilla or Rodan?  Breathes fire? Well, not quite. Special f/x budgets don't always allow the vengeful gods that we actually need. Let us look at the 1946 film "The Flying Serpent," directed by Sam Newfield.

Professor Forbes (George Zucco) is an evil archaeologist who is into cultural appropriation. He finds the Aztec temple that houses the great god, or at least pretty good god, Quetzalcoatl.  We'll call this deity Q. Yep, in the middle of New Mexico he has excavated Montezuma's lost city and found Montezuma's hidden treasure. Now he wants it all for himself. When anyone gets close to his secret, he lets Q loose from his cage to go kill him. Q? Yep, big bird, though not too big. Maybe five feet long. The bird attacks the necks of Forbes' enemies and drinks their blood, then flies back to the cage. Enter investigative reporter Richard Thorpe (Ralph Lewis). He flies in from New York when he hears about all these ripped apart peeps people in New Mexico. He even begins romancing Forbes' stepdaughter, Mary (Hope "Delayed Disappointment" Kramer). They get real sweet on one another.

Forbes senses Richard is getting at the truth.  Richard is, and now our reporter from NYC figures Forbes is murdering all his competitors. Forbes gets reckless and even has his god-bird murder the cops and other media types who are interested in this story. Richard is fearless and Mary is now in love with him. Sensing Mary can be a big help to Richard in uncovering the truth, Forbes now sets his sights on setting Q on the lovely damsel.

Will Richard be able to protect Mary from the vampire-bird-god?  Will Forbes ever overestimate the loyalty of this underwhelming deity?  If the Aztecs were anywhere as powerful as we're told, why did they just disappear into nothing?  Instead of finding a virgin sacrifice to attend, see "The Flying Serpent" for some terrific B monster movie fun. 

Grizzly Attack, Bear vs. Grouches

Go bear! Yep, another one in which we are rooting for the creature.  In this gritty realistic horror flick, a monster grizzly bear terrorizes a campsite in...the United Kingdom! Just go with it.  In a film that makes us pine for the days of MST3K with Joel and the 'bots, we have the most unlikable characters and a CGI bear. There will be honey.  There will be paint.  There will be bickering.  There will be kerosene and grief. Let us look at 2026's "Grizzly Attack," directed by Peter Borak.

A family grieves the loss of dad. After a few minutes we realize dad was lucky to die in order to get away from this family. Margaret (Jodyanne Richardson) is the mom. She has this look on her face that we just want to smack. Anna (Holly Mae Jackson) is the teen daughter that shows us all why young men have stopped dating in favor of porn. Then there is son David (Jack Hyde). He yells a lot. Then there is son Ethan, who is really stupid and we pray he gets eaten first. Yep, this family heads to the woods to stay in a cabin and remember dad. They bicker the entire time. Then the bear show up.

The bear is a grizzly and has a soft moan and even the CGI can't make it look scary. Our fear is that it may lose interest in this family and let them live. Fortunately the bear does attack and one by one eats these grouches. I will say there is a fiery death scene that really does warm out hearts. Plans for survival? They come up with them. What they are is a mystery and won't work. The bear keeps coming back . Anna keeps waxing poetic and lets us know the cabin smells of old firewood and regret. Later she lets us know it smells like grief and kerosene. Hopefully, Anna smells like dinner for the bear.

Do any of these family members survive the wrath of the CGI bear...and should they? Will Anna give her nose a rest and actually try to figure out some plan that has some level of intelligence behind it? Will the bear wipe the mom's stupid grin off her face, or wipe the entire face off? This is a fun one in a MST3K type of way. Hey, it's better than anything Harrison Ford has done over the past 40 years. See "Grizzly Attack," and cheer at the carnage.  

Come and Get Me, Psychos vs. Aussie Babes

This may be the most depraved film ever from Australia...or of the 21st century.  The film can boast of a beautiful set of actresses, and some psycho males that will shred them, or try to. Depraved.  Misogynistic. Torture-Porn. Ominous.  Gratuitous. Lacking any humor or respite.  For those who like their horror horrific, we have one for you today. Warning, it won't be easy to watch what complete nutcases do to some very attractive Australian babes. Our feature today is 2011's "Come and Get Me," directed by Chris Sun.

Three complete psychos. Johnny (Christian Radford), Bretto (Shaun Trainer), and William (Christopher Price) abduct babes, then hunt them.  The hunts never last long and result in brutal rapes, and then the gals are butchered into little pieces. The first hunt we see is the lovely Kate (Jess Taylor), and it will not be easy to watch. Elongated. Brutal. Gory. Okay, four sultry Aussie party girls come to Brisbane for nightclubbing. Brisbane? Yeah, kind of like Terre Haute without the glitz. The sultry Gemma (Allira Jacques), Susan (Sarah Jane Blair), Michelle (Alexis Fernandez), and Leah (Kelsie McDonald) are each looking fine and drinking a lot.  Yep...the aforementioned groups are going to meet up...and it won't be pretty.

We don't like any of the gals when we first meet them.  Sadly, what happens to them will still be difficult to watch.  The first kill is brutal and gory, and internal organs will pour out.  Now the surviving gals are on the run through the woods and the three killers are close behind. The gals will fight for their lives.  Humiliation, rape, and disembowelment await them if they fail.  William, Bretto, and Johnny will make sure rape precedes, and follows the murders if they catch the beauties. What unfolds will be shocking, cause you to look away from the screen, and absolutely break your heart. Vicious and at no point will any of these babes receive a break.

Will any of the beauties survive this trio of psychos?  Will any of the psychos fall in their quest for rape and murder? Will this film end any kind of partying tourism Brisbane had enjoyed? Be warned, "I Spit on Your Grave" was a Disney classic compared to this gore-fest.  For an exercise in extreme horror, see "Come and Get Me." 

How Awful About Allan, Psycho-Lite

Anthony Perkins! Yep, in a movie where he plays an unstable young man, sent to a mental institution after maybe committing a murder. Then some psychiatrist, ill informed, releases him...then he heads back to the house which is the scene of the crime? "Psycho"? No! Today we look at the ABC Movie of the Week for September 22, 1970. Oh, you'll like this...an Aaron Spelling presentation! Let us look at "How Awful About Allan," directed by Curtis Harrington.

Allan lives in a big house with his sister Katherine (Julie Harris) and father. A fire occurs in the middle of the night and Allan rushes into his dad's room only to freeze as his dad is engulfed with flames. Katherine rushes in next, sees Allan has frozen, and tries to save the dad....her face is burned to a crisp as she does, leaving her scarred for life. Allan emerges blind.  His blindness is purely psychological and he is sent to an insane asylum. Now he gets out and does not appear happy to be sent back home to be cared for by his sister, Katherine. Katherine believes Allan still belongs in the looney bin.  Olive (Joan Hackett) is sweet on Allan and is the neighbor. She is happy to see Allan, but Allan doesn't feel like socializing. Allan is hostile to Katherine. She was always daddy's favorite and her and the dad may have been a lot closer than they should have been.

Allan never liked his dad and Katherine believes Allan could have saved him that fateful night. Olive? She's happy to see Allan and desires a romantic relationship with him.  Then Katherine allows borders in the house. The borders? Supposedly they are students form the college but Allan believes Katherine has brought her lover into the home to murder him. Paranoid to the max, Allan thinks there is a presence in the house, that may be a ghost, or a border, that is trying to murder him.  Allan seemingly gets increasingly unwound and Katherine begins making arrangements to send him back to the nuthouse.

Is Allan correct, that Katherine is trying to murder him?  Is Olive in on the plot?  Will Allan regain his sight just in time to see the axe come down on his head? Allan's sanity is in question for the entire film and the ending will be haunting.  For a thriller that stays low-key, but builds to an uneasy conclusion, see "How Awful About Allan."  

Tailgate, The Dutch Exterminator

Dutch horror films? "Amsterdamned" is the one that comes immediately to mind. Well, we have another. Yep, a weird one that is kind of icky. Perhaps a ballad on politeness, as rudeness is what sets the psycho off in this one. The protagonist? We don't like him. We kind of see the psycho's point of view.  Not that we condone the horrific stuff that he does, but as with much of western Europe, their arrogance is not their friend. Let us look at a 2019 film from The Netherlands, "Tailgate" (aka "Bumperkleef"), directed by Lodewijk Crijns.

As our film begins, Ed, a humongous exterminator in a white van chases down a bicyclist, mows him down, and fills him up with rat poison. You know the Dutch. Apparently the bicyclist was rude to him and cut him off on the road. Fast forward, the twerp Hans (Jeroen Spitzenberger) is herding his snotty family into the family Volvo (I know, you hate them already). His grouchy wife, Diana (Anniek Pheifer), yells at him nonstop.  His two snotty little girls (Liz Vergeer and Roosmarijn van der Hoek) bicker constantly. Late, Hans speeds in traffic and tailgates Ed and his white van. Ed goes psycho and begins terrorizing the family on the road.  The hulking Ed looks to be almost seven feet tall, and when he dons his white HAZMAT suit, and straps on his tank of rat poison, well, it's pretty scary...or as scary as you are going to get in Holland.

He sprays the family and is bent on teaching Hans and Diana manners. The kids scream in horror.  Both Hans and Diana seem to unravel as Ed continues his pursuit. Uh oh...Ed has stolen Hans' phone and knows where his parents live.  Hans' parents are battling dementia and when Ed shows up at their home, more horror. Now Hans' and family arrive at the grandparents house and do not know Ed and his rat poison have beaten him and his family there. An awkward and twisted war develops and Hans will really be put through the ringer as his snotty family is of little help.

Will Hans, and his family, survive the psycho who merely seeks politeness?  Is Ed's evil methods to instill niceness a metaphor for the iron hand used by the European Union to redefine western morality? Will Diana ever shut up and let her husband enjoy a moment of peace? This is a weird one and the villain is ominous and big.  For something a little different, from Europe, see "Tailgate."