Cold Eyes of Fear, Judicial Corruption Giallo Style

Is she a whore? Yes!  Is she a slut? Yes! Is she a b***h? Yes.  But we like her 'cause she's a Euro-Babe! Sadly, we know what happens to sultry Euro-Babes in Giallo films. The lovely Giovanna Ralli plays the whore in today's film, and we really pull for her, but will that be enough to keep her alive as the end credits roll? In these Italian Giallo films, the beautiful die so horribly. Oh, by the way, those three descriptors above are thrown at her freely by every other character in this movie...but they do apply. Our movie today is the Italian film, set in London, 1971's "Cold Eyes of Fear," directed by Enzo G. Castellari.

Opening scene, a sultry whore (Karin Schubert) admires herself and feels herself up while clad in kinky black lingerie. A killer walks in with a knife, chases her around, cuts her lingerie off, and goes about raping her. But wait! The Euro-Babe grabs the knife and kills her rapist. Relevant to the film? No! But who cares?  How can this scene, right out of "The English Patient," not be relevant to this movie? We call that gratuitous and prurient. Anyway, the handsome lawyer Peter (Gianni Garko) steals a whore, Anna (Ralli), from an old bald guy. Anna is happy and Peter wants sex.  Peter brings Anna to his  uncle's mansion for drinks and pre-marital sex. Uh oh...an intruder is already there, Quill (Julian Mateos), and he has already murdered the butler.

Now  Quill holds Anna and Peter at knifepoint. The uncle is Judge Bedell (Fernando Rey), and he has already called to tell Peter to lose the whore. Quill waits and Welt (Frank Wolf) arrives. Welt is a homicidal lunatic, too, and the judge sentenced him to 15 years...15 years ago. Now out, and feeling as if he's been unfairly treated by the justice system, he plans on murdering Judge Bedell, proving his innocence and engage in some misogyny against Anna the whore. Now, to stay alive, Peter and Anna will have to work together to outwit and defeat these two psychos. Peter has intelligence, and Anna the whore has beauty and seduction. Anna will be slapped, punched, and slapped some more. Welt and Quill will become more unhinged. Peter begins to realize his uncle, the judge, may have been corrupted when handing down Welt's sentence 15 years ago.

Will Anna survive until the end credits?  Will Quill or Welt take sexual liberties with the dame they regard as a mere whore? Is there a chance that the so-called whore, or slut, emerges as the great hero and restores justice to the system, and decimates two psychos? This is an erotic and deviant Giallo thriller, and as usual, will not be the feel-good film of the year. See "Cold Eyes of Fear" and cheer for a whore.    

Lake Placid: Legacy, Big Croc Eats Hunks and Babes

You know what they say, Maine is like Africa without the glitter. Yep, a film about Lake Placid, the one from the Syfy films about a big crocodile, was shot in...South Africa. Cheaper than Maine, no doubt, and no union issues. I think this is the final 'Lake Placid' film of the series, too bad.  Syfy had a nice franchise going and always provided babes in peril being eaten. Bikini babes.  Nude babes.  Babes engaging in pre-marital sex. Oh, yes...their boyfriends also got eaten. We may have cheered for the reptile, but we always liked the cheese and beef in these films. Let us look at 2018's "Lake Placid: Legacy," directed by Darrell Roodt.

A team of five eco-terrorists, or activists, find out about a zoned off area of Maine. The government provides no information as to why it is zoned off, and our merry, but good looking, idiots assume it is because capitalist pig-corporations dumped toxic waste there. Two sisters, Jade (Katherine Barrell) and Alice (Sai Bennett) are our favorite characters. One is a reporter, the other an environmentalist activist, and both serve as our damsels in distress.  Along with them is Jade's boy-toy Sam (Tom Rozon), tech guy Billy (Luke Newton), and wise guy Spencer (Craig Stern). They get two sympathetic guides, Pennie (Alisha Bailey) and Travis (Greg Kriek) to bring them into the Lake Placid area. The team wants to uncover the secrets there and inform the world. Uh oh...no radioactivity in their readings, just torn apart eco-terrorist (or activist) teams that have beaten them to the sight. Yep...the crocodile has feasted on eco-warriors. Yay!

Now the team and guides are on the run and take refuge in a menacing looking complex that was a secret laboratory. Yep, whatever happened in that lab, over 20 years ago, bred big crocs. On the run again, the team finds a scientist, Henderson (Joe Pantoliano), who is proud of his pharmaceutical company's efforts to create a vaccine. So it created a big croc instead...it is still magnificent. Now the film is set in a cavernous facility which the croc seems to have access to all of it.  One by one, the hunks and babes are eaten.  Henderson knows a lot more than he is letting on. The babes get all wet and look good in peril as they drip cold water on the run...can't beat big crocodile movies.

Will Jade and Alice, all dripping wet and out of breath, engage in a catfight for Sam's affections? Will the gator (okay, so it is a croc...same difference) continue serving mankind and eat all of these eco-warriors? Is Green Peace all but gone today because of big crocodiles created by Big Pharma? This is actually a good one, and unlike the prior 'Lake Placid' films, this one has no humor or wit, just gore and horror. See "Lake Placid: Legacy" and enjoy another one in which we cheer for the monster...and a possible catfight.  

Hollywood Hells, Gratuitous and Bacchanal Gore and Babes

Starts off as a gore-fest and increases in intensity throughout. Yep, a gratuitous slasher film tapping on every actress' fear, and a very real one, when the low-budget production company they are acting for is a mere funnel into snuff film roles. Are snuff films real? Many in law enforcement say no.  Of course those same feds say Oswald assassinated JFK. Right! Of course, if they are real, the snuff filmmakers have a peril...they are working with dames. Never easy. Today we look at something I viewed on the streaming service Fawesome, 2026's "Hollywood Hells" (aka "Cutthroat"), directed by Ben Peyser.

Aspiring actress Vega (Fernanda Romero) is let go from the low-budget slasher film she is working on. She has a baby at home and issues related to that. Her director and producer are not sympathetic. Now with a new born baby at home, and a mom (Bertila Damas) who is sick of playing nanny, Vega needs a job. Her buddy Lupe (Bruna Rubio) brings her to a party in the Hollywood Hills where every doer and player will be there. Also tagging along is the beautiful Asian actress Leslie (Jiaoying Summers) and a couple more. Vega is out of her element as all the guys are in tuxedos and the party is masterfully catered. The hostess, Madam Gold (Helen Manassian) inspects the young Hispanic actress and then sets the room on her.  Now Vega is prepped for a screentest and she is excited.  Uh oh...it calls for her to be raped. An actor tries, and Vega slits his throat.

Bob Gold (Brian Austin Green), the head of operations, filmed the whole thing and loved what he saw. Now he plans on sending Vega to all sorts of sets to be killed or to do the killing. Vega fights hard.  Her beautiful buddies are in cages and prepped for rape and murder. Vega fights hard and even bites some unfortunate actor's tally-whacker off. Now Bob reaches out and pulls in some more leverage.  Now Vega is not just fighting for her own freedom, but the freedom of her beautiful actress friends, and her baby boy. Vega turns homicidal but there are dozens of aroused men who seek to rape her and cut her up. Bob is convinced he has found his girl, but to do what with?  With her baby being held at knifepoint, Vega grabs a sword and...well, you'll see.

Will Vega survive and rescue her baby and babe friends? Will any of the snuff film actors go uncastrated?  If Vega does survive, will she be uniquely qualified for the final girl role in any upcoming slasher film? This is a bloody one and the ending...incredibly gory...and then a post-ending that is even bloodier.  For a bacchanal orgy of babes and blood, see "Hollywood Hells" on Fawesome.  

Survive, Frenchies vs. Crabs

Today we have an interesting one from France. Set in the Caribbean sea, on a yacht...initially...all you-know-what breaks loose. Try not to pay too much attention to the annoying family, the imagery is horrific and haunting as the ocean floor becomes...well, the desert...in a matter of seconds.  Trade in scorpions for crabs, and we have a Mother Nature gone spastic film.  Let us look at 2024's "Survive," directed by Frederic Jardin.

Sweet! A rich family on a yacht.  The dad is Tom (Andreas Pietschmann), and he is an oceanographer. His lovely wife is a doctor, Julia (Emilie Dequenne). They have two teens, Ben (Lucas Ebel) and Cassie (Lisa Delamar). While yachting, the weirdness starts. Meteors fall from the sky all around the boat. Uh oh, they are not meteors. Whales do weird things. Then tons more debris from the sky. Morning arrives and the Caribbean Sea is a desert. See, the poles reversed and this caused the oceans to go inland, wipe out Miami and Cuba, and now the land is where the oceans used to be. The yacht becomes the S.S. Minnow and the skipper is dad, Tom. They reach another survivor on the radio, Nao (Olivier Ho Hio Hen). He is a few days away but has a deep sea submersible. The family will try to reach him because Nao has some weird news for them.  The oceans, currently in Miami? Yep, they'll be back soon.

Not wanting to drown, the family makes a perilous trek to Nao and his Jacques Cousteau mobile. The landscape is perilous.  Hordes!  Millions of man eating arthropods (crabs) and the oxygen has driven them ravenous. More trouble! Harpoon man (Arben Bajraktaraj) wants to murder them all, and maybe rape Julia and Cassie first. The trek will take them by beached container ships, big sharks, whales...all out of their element. The harpoon guy gets closer...and the family gets more desperate to survive.

Will the family survive and make it to the deep sea submersible?  If the seas do return, what will be the condition of Miami when they reach it? What other surprises does the ocean floor have for these survivors? This is a neat one as the ocean floor will be forced to give up its dead on full display. It won't be pretty.  For a weird one, with horrific imagery...and crabs, add "Survivor" to your next binge watching session of "Deadliest Catch."

The Curse of King Tut's Tomb, RIP Eva Marie Saint

I was saddened to learn of the death of Eva Marie Saint.  The fine actress passed away earlier this week at the age of 102. Ironically, she starred in our film today "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb." Originally this film aired as a two-part miniseries on NBC on May 8th and 9th, 1980.  Here's the spooky part. Raymond Burr was also in this film...and he's dead, too. Coincidence, or curse? You decide. Today let us dive into Eva Marie Saint's magnum opus in a film directed by Philip Leacock...and wouldn't you know...he's also dead. This can't be a coincidence!

Archaeologist Howard Carter (Robin Ellis) finds the damned tomb...in Egypt...go figure. Oddly enough, a weird medium, Princess Vilma (Wendy Hiller...also dead), at a seance at the castle of Lord George (Harry Andrews...also dead), she told everyone they would die. Inscriptions inside the tomb also warned anyone who defiled the final resting place of Tut, that they would die if they disturbed his rest. Howard does not believe in curses and falls in love with Lord George's daughter, Evelyn (Angharad Rees...also dead). He'll dump the nubile babe when American reporter Sarah Morrissey (Eva Marie Saint) shows up to report on the find. She's old enough to be Howard's mother, but the two will lock lips and swap spit all the same...ick. The greedy Egyptian heavy, Jonash (Burr) conspires to have the government throw Howard out of the desert and hand the dig over to him.

Jonash has already murdered the lovely burglar Giovanni (Barbara Murray...also dead) for some rare papyrus that probably is key to the plot. Trying to stay above the fray, Howard must deal with cutthroats like Hasan (Tom Baker, the Dr. Who guy...not dead yet, but he keeps falling in pits of scorpions). Howard who obviously has a mommy complex is drawn closer to Eva Marie Saint and sends Evelyn away. Lucky Evelyn.  One by one the people who helped Howard find the tomb die mysteriously. Sarah? Hey, she is played by Eva Marie Saint, who cares that her role isn't vital to this film. There is a rumor that the Egyptian version of this film did not have Eva Marie Saint in it, but she was added to the American version. Wait!  I may be thinking of Raymond Burr. Never mind.

Are the above actors and actresses victims of an ancient Egyptian curse that was unleashed on them when King Tut's tomb was excavated?  Did Eva Marie Saint spend the final 46 years of her life eluding scorpions and asps?  Is it true that actor Robin Ellis has moved to the wilds of the Arctic just so scorpions and asps can't get near him? We will miss Eva Marie Saint, but we will remember her in some of the most alluring roles including as Eve Kendall in that Alfred Hitchcock (dead) classic "North By Northwest."  See "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb" and be glad you had nothing to do with the production of this TV miniseries.

DRAGN, Serbian Carnage

Today's film was shot in Serbia in just 17 days. Only needed 17 days. Afterall, how long does it take to kill a bunch of people on a corporate team building exercise? The corporation, a mysterious international telecommunications outfit. You know what that means...especially if they're headquartered in Serbia! Right! Murder drones! Let us look at the 2025 film, DRAGN, directed by Peter Webber.

Poor Tom (James Paxton). We like him, but he is a last minute substitution to participate in a corporate team building exercise in Serbia. I know, didn't he see "A Serbian Film"? If he had, he'd know that he's not being sent there to develop trust for his co-workers. We like Tom, and he arrives there and meets his team. The babe Adele (Lilly Krug). She's a skank, but blonde with big...well, a big smile. There is Sebastian (Franz Drameh)...he's screwing Adele at every possible opportunity. Then the PTSD ridden Daniel (Carlos Bardem), who is made leader. There is the corporate spy, Jacob (Jadran Malkovich). He knows.  Knows what? Ha! These employees are being dropped into an abandoned military base in the woods, and the corporation does not want them to leave. Hence DRAGN...a drone is unleashed on them. It has a circular saw, a flamethrower, machinegun, dart gun, and a directive to murder these employees.

Now the team is under assault.  Sebastian continues to boink Adele.  Tom tries to reach his family on the phone...but no reception...go figure.  Daniel yells at them all and has a PTSD flashback and wigs out. Then there is the machinegun wielding broad, the beautiful Zoja (Alice Pagani).  She's wounded when she meets the group, but her buddies were all fried or gunned down by the DRAGN thing. Now with her machinegun, Zoja tries to help her new buddies...but she isn't really equipped to fight billion dollar defense department technology. The kills will be gory.  Faces will be burned off.  Skulls will be sawed open, team members will be impaled, and even worse...Tom's lovely family will be lured into the action by DRAGN.

Does anyone have a shot at surviving the killer drone?  Will Adele and Sebastian stop screwing long enough to help the others combat the threat from above? Was DRAGN created because our safety is the corporation's number one priority? Wouldn't you just love some company to say that our safety is their number seven priority? See DRAGN and see some killer stuff that is probably already being mass produced for the battlefields in Ukraine.

Cold Heaven, This Was No Boating Accident!

Okay, so it was...but that's not important. There is a classic scene when Monsignor Cassidy (Richard Bradford), irrelevant to the plot, listens to Marie (Theresa Russell) tell him about what is going on. This is an important scene, 'cause we have no clue what's going on. The Monsignor has a look on his face as if he's thinking the Vatican doesn't pay him enough to listen to whack-ball dames like Marie. Mercifully, the Monsignor gets rid of Marie and presumably takes a drink. Today we have a mesh of "Night of the Living Dead," "The Nun's Story," and an MST3K offering...1991's "Cold Heaven," directed by the very out there Nicolas Roeg.  

A boating accident kills Alex (Mark Harmon) in the opening scene. When you're second in the credits, this either means the entire film will be flashbacks...or something supernatural will occur. Alex' wife Marie was just about to tell him she is leaving him for his best friend Daniel (James Russo). In fact, Daniel just told his wife Anna (Julie Carmen) that he was leaving her for Marie. Now Marie does not have to tell Alex the bad news. Uh oh...the hospital in Mexico loses Alex' body...or did it just get up and walk away? Marie flies back to the States and desperately wants to see Daniel.  She goes to meet him at a hotel in Carmel and finds...Alex!  Yep, he looks pale and dead...but he's alive. Oh, Marie is attacked by butterflies and is convinced the Virgin Mary is haunting her. I guess the Monsignor dodged a big one when he ushered Marie out of his office.

Oh, Sister Martha (Talia Shire) is spooked because she dreamed of Marie coming and restoring the sanctuary. Now Father Niles (Will Patton) gets involved and he brings up demonic possession.  Marie is convinced her dead, or dead-ish husband is demonically possessed. Alex gets deader and then recovers, and then gets dead-ish again. Sister Martha? Please, don't ask me to remember her character...this was very difficult watching Talia Shire. Her portrayal of Sister Martha makes her performance in "Prophecy" look like an Oscar caliber effort. Where is this all going? Miracles, Rosary Beads, the Virgin Mary, fighter jets, and a big green cross will all factor in a tour-de-force ending.

Oh! Vows of Celibacy.  We should talk about this since we have a movie about the Catholic Church. After watching Marie's love scene with Daniel...it is so shocking, that even the more amorous of us all will seek to take vows of celibacy just to preclude the kind of carnality that Theresa Russell and James Russo just acted out for us. You may not believe it, but my above description of the film is accurate and flattering.  See "Cold Heaven" and treat it as a MST3K offering.