Lake Fear 3, The Thing meets The Evil Dead

Michael and Gerald Crum would have been my best buddies in the 80s. We obviously loved the same films. "John Carpenter's The Thing," "Poltergeist," "The Evil Dead," "Paranormal Activity," "The Blair Witch Project" all come to life in this year's "Lake Fear 3." I'm going to have to view this one again as I know I have missed some references. This writer/ director combo deliver us a maniacal demon, guts spewing, bloodbath of terror...just the way we like it.

We first meet Remi (Joshua Winch) in a scene that will make fans of "The Thing" cheer...think the CPR scene. Like many of us, Remi is always covered with human guts (usually someone else's) and in bad need of an adult beverage.  Its apparent that these demons are pursuing him, endangering everyone he meets.  He is...well...a poor man's Ash (...think "The Evil Dead"). Enter the ravishing, blonde Revel (Shanon Snedden). The buxom, nubile babe is hitting the streets looking for her sister who went missing two years ago. Look fast as Revel won't be ravishing too much longer. Accompanying her is a sultry brunette, Chloe (KateLynn E. Newberry). As Revel's BFF, Chloe worries that her pal's obsession may lead to bad stuff...it will. With no clues as to the sister's whereabouts, the babe-duo come across Vincent (Devi Khajishvili)...think Syfy's Jonathan Edwards. The gals hope this TV personality/fraud can contact the other side to get a line on the sister's whereabouts.

This now trio will hit a bar for an adult beverage and a poor man's seance. Too bad for them as it is the same establishment Remi shows up...thus, all of his demon pursuers, as well. After some shotgun carnage, Revel is overtaken by a demon and all her beauty is replaced by bloody horror. Now Revel tries to eat Chloe and Vincent. A bit slow on the uptake, Remi saves the two survivors and flees. This new trio is now pursued by Revel, who wants to eat more of Chloe...okay, I'm not going to say, "...and who wouldn't?" Vincent and Chloe get some bad news from the mysterious drifter, he has a plan to get rid of the pursuing demons. Of course Remi's plan will be fraught with blood-spattering danger and bring our good peeps face to face with angrier demons.

What follows is a war against the ungodly. Will our trio survive their demon tormentors? Will Chloe remain a babe and avoid being digested by her former BFF? Will Remi enjoy the good fortune, if you can call it that, which Ash enjoyed in "The Evil Dead"? Guts will fly, faces will be ripped off, appendages will turn into slimy monsters! Enjoy "Lake Fear 3," and count the number of homages to classic horror films which appear on the screen.     

Dark House, Psyche Issues in a Haunted House

The haunted house! Add in some great looking young actors and actresses, a bunch of complicated computer technology, some malignant ghosts...and yes, a proclivity for making bad decisions and we have 2009's "Dark House." As light and playful as this film could have been, instead director Darin Scott gives us a dark and ominous gore-fest. Oh yes...this film stars Jeffrey Combs.

Many years ago Mrs. Darrode (Diane Salinger) murders her seven foster kids and shoves her own arm into a garbage disposal to commit suicide. The bodies are discovered by a little girl who entered the home on a dare. 14 years later, that little girl Claire (Meghan Ory) is grown up and seeking heavy psychological help for depression, anxiety, insomnia, etc. Her discovery many years ago has left her a mess, and suicidal. Claire is part of an advanced acting class which gets hired by show-man Walston Ray (Combs). Ray has opened up haunted houses all around the country (sort of a demented Walt Disney). His newest venture is the Darrode house. Claire is certain that facing her fears, or a return to the horrible events in her past, will cure her of her psychological maladies (...yeah right!). She doesn't tell anyone that she has been in the house before, convinced there is no danger.

Combs has hired the cast to assume roles in the haunted house. Claire will be the horror guide, entrusted with touring some reporters through the attractions. The house is equipped with a complicated computer system that generates horrific holograms to torment visitors. Oh oh! Ghosts don't have a sense of humor an they take over the computer and now instead of holographic images, the scares will be from ticked-off ghosts of murdered children and Mrs. Darrode, herself. The actors and actresses will die quite horribly one by one. An iron maiden, a mad scientist's acid, and a monsters long fingernails will dispose of some of the cast. Meanwhile, Walston, seeing his investment plummet, thinks up ways to make the carnage work for him. As the ghosts whittle down the living, Claire has an opportunity to really face her fears from 14 years ago.

Do the ghosts and Mrs. Darrode have something special planned for Claire? Will Walston be able to exploit the carnage that is unfolding before his eyes? Will either Claire or Walston, or any of the other actors or actresses survive this night of terror? Perhaps "Dark House" is a metaphor for the dangers we all face relying too heavily on computer technology. More likely, however, this film is a modern day haunted house film utilizing gore and an attractive cast to deliver thrills and chills. For a neat Jeffrey Combs horror film, enjoy "Dark House." 

Gorgo, The Fall of London

Very sad! I just read that for the first time ever London has a higher homicide rate than New York City. No...New York isn't improving...rather, London is tanking. A once great city with a heroic identity.  Winston Churchill...Queen Elizabeth...Sherlock Holmes. The noble have given way to evil criminals. Perhaps a good metaphor for the fall of London is 1961's "Gorgo." In this epic, London is destroyed, along with the British military.

Joe (Bill Travers) and Sam (William Sylvester) have a pretty good gig going. They operate a salvage vessel. While diving and salvaging off the Irish coast they run afoul of a Gaelic town. The locals don't want them salvaging all the gold just off the shores. No matter, after a volcanic eruption, a 65 foot tall dinosaur monster runs amok through the town. Many will die. Joe and Sam make the town an offer they can't refuse...for a portion of their spoils, the salvage duo will rid them of the behemoth. These guys are too much and ask themselves how much a live dinosaur would be worth in London? Yep, you guessed it, they pull a "King Kong" and capture the giant and haul him to the city and sell it to a circus.

The monster sells out every night, but the poor Londoners get some bad news. This thing is only a baby and mom is on her way! Mom is 200 feet tall and goes through the navy like crap through a goose. Up the Thames like a slick John Thomas up a business girl, and now it contends with the British army. No contest! As Londoners are crushed and retreating into subways, Gorgo searches for its 65 foot offspring. As Big Ben and The Tower of London are destroyed, mom seeks son and anyone in between will be stepped on.

With the military gone, is there any hope of stopping Gorgo from sacking London? Is this 1961 film a sage foretelling of the decline of London? Is there anything wrong in cheering for the monsters in films like these? Not quite "Godzilla," "Gorgo is still a lot of fun. The cheesy effects are actually pretty good. For a very entertaining monster movie in which Tokyo isn't the victim, enjoy "Gorgo," directed by Eugene Lourie.

Angel: Black Angel, Nymphomaniacs and the Men They Love

How do you know if you have married a nymphomaniac? If, while driving away from the church on your wedding day, the lovely bride, clad in a white gown, satisfies you orally while the two of you are speeding down the highway. This may come as a surprise to many of you, but on occasion, this doesn't end well. Ecstasy and orgasm one moment and a split second later....BOOM!!! Head on collision. Hence our film today, from Italy 1989's "Angel: Black Angel" (aka "Arabella l'Angelo Nero").

The sultry Arabella (Tini Cansino) is a nymphomaniac. We first meet her attending a wild orgy in an abandoned mansion. She is ravaged by a couple of guys during a threesome and a cop who should have been arresting her. Arabella is leading a secret sex life as her husband Frank (Francesco Casale) is confined to a wheelchair after the wedding day collision. She has needs and he can't meet them. The cop who raped her at the orgy finds Arabella and blackmails her into having sex on the mansion grounds. Frank sees this and is turned on, and inspired. Watching his hot wife in the throes of passion rids Frank of his writer's block and he sends her out on deviant trysts. In return, Arabella reports all the sordid details to him when she returns, which he compiles for his next book.

Uh oh! The men Arabella has weird sex with end up castrated by a scissors and gutted. On the case is the sultry Inspector Gina (Valentina Visconti). She is beautiful and has a really hot lesbian lover. Uh oh, the beautiful lover, Agnese (Rena Niehaus) betrays and humiliates Gina. Agnese will slap her silly in a cat-fight and dump her superior (Agnese is one of Gina's detectives). Can you guess Agnese's fate? Right, a scissors up her...well, you know.  Now Gina is the number one suspect and to clear her name she must find the real killer. As Gina is led to Arabella and her household she will either solve the case or end up skewered by a rusty scrap-booking implement.

Could our nympho-babe, Arabella, also be the killer? Is Frank's book destined for the bestseller list in either the fiction or 'how to' sections? Will Gina and Arabella engage in a deadly cat-fight or end up in a passionate love scene? Sordid and deviant, there is nudity on the screen in about 44 of this film's 88 minutes. Fans of Giallo will figure out the surprise ending but the arousal factor will make up for that. For a great cinematic experience that you won't mention in polite company, enjoy "Angel: Black Angel," directed by Stelvio Massi.

Death Truck, Carnage and Gratuitous Nudity in a Comic

SCREEEECH! A monster truck! AIEEEEEHHHH! Families torn apart, limb from limb! WHOOOOOAAA! A demented lesbian mechanic and her stripper lover! Horror fans seeking blood red carnage and gratuitous nudity and sex...Paul PJ Johnson has made a graphic novel for all of us..."Death Truck." As the creator, writer, and illustrator, Mr. Johnson takes us on a 120 page ride which screams sex and violence the whole time as horror and science fiction blend. For those of us who loved 1974's "Killdozer" as children, we now have a vicious Rated R version to shock us adults.

Where did it come from? You'll find out, and the answer is wild. In the meantime a killer truck is plowing through Texas. Destruction and mayhem, and homicide is its only goal and anyone in its way, the more innocent the better, is torn apart by this mechanical fiend. Motorcyclists, joyriders, and families just getting out of church are torn limb from limb in very gory fashion. Enter our nymphomaniac-lesbian Cat...a tough mechanic with a stripper GF. Tough as nails, and just what the truck needs. In addition to the carnage, this thing possesses Cat and puts her at the wheel. No longer a lesbian nympho mechanic, but now the driver of a horrific mechanized beast. Oh yeah...the demented General Claymore. We have to give this General Patton wannabe credit...he wants the truck. His goal is capture and then...I guess use it as his own weapon. Under total control of the truck, Cat drives the thing through Texas and won't stop until everyone is dead.

What is this thing and why is it doing such horrible things to the Lone Star State? The answers come in the second half of the comic. Enter a weird escaped mass murderer with a mysterious knowledge of the devil.  As Cat and the machine leave a trail of blood, guts, and bodies across the red landscape, her only salvation may be the mysterious fiend who might be a mass child murderer. As our general, and the cops close in on this travesty, Cat and her pursuer may be the only hope to save mankind from a truck that makes Killdozer look like Thomas the Tank Engine. No spoilers here, but what unfolds will be gratuitous (in nudity and gore) and unrelenting.

Paul PJ Johnson has created a vicious and blood splattered graphic novel that earns a hard Rated R (just the way we like 'em). The artistry captures the violence and horror...and of course the blood, so well. Everything in this world is loud, including the sex and nudity which match the blood and severed limbs in intensity. The ending is shocking and the reveal is one that will make you gasp. Nothing in this story will be easy, including the fate of our nympho-heroine...be ready to wince. For some violent and gory artwork which tells a great exploitation horror-scifi story, read Mr. Johnson's "Death Truck."

Other Halves, A Killer Dating App

You like long walks on the beach. Puppies and kittens warm your heart. You like a good sense of humor and someone who is sensitive to your needs. The sight of spurting blood turns you on and you're attracted to.... Wait! Stop!  Yep...the real you...all of you, not just the half you want people to see. Wouldn't it be nice if a dating app were able to put the whole (and real) you out there to find your other half. Or would this be a ghastly horror story. Hence 2015's "Other Halves."

Some very attractive coders are just hours away from releasing their new dating app, Other Halves. The bisexual, and quite sultry Jasmine (Mercedes Manning) leads the team. German Euro-babe Jana (Melanie Friedrich) created this app (...or did she?), and there are still bugs that need to be fixed. Uh oh...we see glimpses of a very homicidal, and nymphomaniacal Jasmine...she has a proclivity to kill her lovers in the throes of pre-marital sex...but why? Concealing her secrets, Jasmine is cracking the whip to get her coders to fix the bugs. Distraction alert! Beth (Megan Hui), Asian babe, has a perfect he-man BF, Mike (Carson Nicely). His mere presence sends everyone's libido through the roof...and the app takes notice. The lone male coder, Shawn (Sam Schweikert) lusts for Beth, but Mike is in the way. A motive for everyone. A motive for what? The app knows.

The app is genius, it not only helps you find your other half...in a dating sense, but also lets your other halves come out of their cages. You might like long walks on the beach, but you also like spurting blood and sex with...well...you know. As all our coders are exposed to their own app, murder and sex take over their psyches. The beautiful will die horribly at the hands of the other beautiful. Blood will fly, torsos will be stabbed, and passionate forbidden sex will rule. Uh oh... Euro-babe, Elle (Lianna Liew) returns. Did she create the app? Why has she returned, and why was she eschewed by the group?

Do any of these beauties have what it takes to be a surviving final-girl? Do either Mike or Shawn have a chance with these vixens, sexually or survival wise? What will happen if this app is rolled out to the world? The actresses and actors are great looking and embrace their characters so well. The plot is fast paced, and blood soaked. Director Matthew T. Price does a fine job in creating a film that reminds us that not all of our traits need to be let out of their cages. For some thought provoking horror, very relevant in a world controlled by our phones, see "Other Halves." Oh yeah...how did I know you are turned on by spurting blood and like sex with...okay, I won't say it. Simple answer, I have the app.

Killing Spree, Jealousy and Erotic Fiction

Writers of romance or erotic fiction really do provide a service. Regardless of what the real world delivers to someone, there is a need for something spicier that can enhance the imagination. Perhaps inside the pages of erotica or the next Harlequin Romance are promises of what we could be doing if fate was kinder to our plight. The plight of a writer of this fiction may be tenuous at times, hence we look at straight to VHS "Killing Spree" from 1987.

The sultry stewardess Leeza (Courtney Lercara) makes a huge mistake. She marries the controlling airplane mechanic Tom (Asbestos Felt). Tom has married way out of his league and his jealousy will control this story. Having been cheated on by his first wife, Tom has forced the sultry Leeza to quit her stewardess job and stay home to tend house. As Tom's life seems to crumble he becomes paranoid. Meanwhile Leeza takes a lot of showers and lounges around in a bikini all day. To help earn money, Leeza writes erotic stories which she hopes to sell to Romping Romance magazine. She is inspired when men come to the house to deliver packages, mow the lawn, fix the TV, etc. She imagines afternoon steamy sex with these guys and writes about it in her black notebook.

The increasingly unstable Tom finds this notebook and mistakes it for Leeza's diary. Now in an insane rage, Tom lures these guys back to the house. In each instance he comes up with a most gory way to off these unsuspecting, but innocent men. In one instance he guts the electrician with a chainsaw and attaches his intestines to an electrical source while the schmuck is still alive. As Tom falls further into madness, the methods of execution get gorier and more drawn out. Meanwhile, Leeza remains unsuspecting as she keeps penning her erotic works. A slasher revenge flick? Sure, but just wait! This B movie might more accurately be termed a C movie, but the last 20 minutes is wild. What happens to Tom and Leeza changes this film from a slasher film to a...well, no spoilers here, you'll see.

Will Tom ever realize he has been killing innocent guys? If not, will he turn his wrath to the beautiful Leeza? What surprise waits for Tom in the final minutes of "Killing Spree" that will change the pace of this horror film? Director Tom Ritter piles on the gore and is not afraid to go over-the-top, as evidenced by the last scenes of the film. Gore, sex, and more gore make this a fine straight to VHS offering, and the pretty Leeza is a perfect damsel in much distress with very erotic fantasies. For some fine C movie entertainment, enjoy "Killing Spree."