Island Zero, Something Attacks Maine

Something has converged on an isolated Maine island at Christmas time. How do we know its Christmas Time? The weirdest Christmas carols keep playing...carols I've never heard before. They remind me of John Carpenter's synthesized Halloween score...only with a holiday motif. This is appropriate because the monster in this is just as eerie and uncomfortable. All this will play out to the detriment of grouchy New England islanders during an attack from the sea in 2018's "Island Zero."

As our film begins a weird old guy and his annoying dog are...well...its not good. We arrive at the island of misfit grouches only to find out their fishing nets are bare and no fish swim in their waters anymore. Why? Yep...something is in the water and it is closing in on them. With fish gone, a new source of food will be needed by the invader. We meet a lot of characters, none likable, but Sam (Adam Wade McLaughlin) is a biologist. He has come to the island after his biologist wife was eaten by a sea creature. Whatever got his wife...he has followed to this island...bad move.

Maggie (Laila Robins) is the town doctor and she has a lot of guns...smart. Then Titus (Matthew Wilkas) is a novelist...or is he? Oh yes...Lucy (Teri Reeves) is the only babe in the film and her fate will be so sad. With electricity cut off by the monster and no ferries on their way, most of the population crams on two boats headed to the mainland...they will all die horribly. Now a handful of grouchy survivors must prepare for an invasion from the sea. They are ill equipped. But wait! Titus isn't who he claims to be and when he lets the islanders (bait) know what they're up against, Maggie forms a plan...albeit, not a very good one. Whatever has eaten all the fish in the sea is now heading to meet the survivors...or sample the menu, if you will.

Just what is in the sea and why hasn't anyone on the mainland come to help? Who exactly is Titus and what does he know? What took Sam's wife and what was she looking for when it got her? Directed by Josh Gerritsen, this sea monster flick is eerie and almost hypnotizing. The final reveal will be wild and ambitious. Not the feel good film of 2018, but it is refreshing to see horror from Maine without Stephen King's name attached.

Sympathy, Three Psychos in a Motel Room

What do you get when you add a beautiful teenage girl to two felons?  Right...three psychos.  Not a good combination, anyway...just picture two of the guys are hardened goons and the gal is a manipulative skank.  Hence much bloodshed and bad behavior.  Today we look at 2007's "Sympathy," directed by Andrew Moorman.

As it begins, Trip (Steven Pritchard) has just robbed a bank.  On the run he grabs the beautiful Sara (Marina Shtelen) at gunpoint.  Now Sara is a hostage.  Trip brings her into a seedy motel room and handcuffs her to the headboard of the bed.  You've met gals like Sara...very appealing until they open their mouths.  When Trip accidentally shoots her in the shoulder...we sort of understand.  Bad news for Trip... Dennis (Aaron Boucher) arrives.  He bursts in the hotel room, also on the run.  Dennis has just escaped from the state pen where he is serving a murder sentence.  The escapee gets the drop on Trip and now Trip is also a hostage.

Dennis shows some of that murderer personality and seems to be quite psycho.  Sara begins trying to manipulate both her captors by demeaning them and then trying to seduce them.  Now all three antagonists develop a hatred toward one another and the conversation between them isn't very edifying.  Wait!  What's going on here?  Just who is the psycho?  You won't believe what Sara, even handcuffed, does to her tormentors.  Ick.  Now the two males, fighting over their hostage, try to decide what to do and what to do with Sara.  Some of you might ask what plans Sara has for her two so-called captors. Oh yes...this will get really bloody...you'll see. 

Just who is Sara and how depraved is she?  Do either Dennis or Trip intend to have their way with the almost nubile Sara, and/or kill her?  Is Trip really a bank robber?  This is a gory and wild one and you never really know who the king (or queen) psycho really is.  Mr. Boucher and Mr. Pritchard are fantastic as the heavies, and Ms. Shtelen is beautiful and will capture your stares...even though you'll want to murder her, too.  See "Sympathy" and meet three losers who you will have no sympathy for.

Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death, Insanity and Depravity

Wild! Vicious! Depraved! Weird! The elitists at IMDB give our feature today a 2.8/10 rating. Alas, the world has never appreciated a mad scientist, except for this Fauci stooge.  Dr. Jekyll may be one of the most famous ones...but imagine if his insanity and viciousness is ramped up ten times.  Today we look at 1979's "Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death," directed by James Wood.

The great grandson of Dr. Jekyll is at it in his San Francisco mansion.  He's experimenting on kidnapped human subjects with a rage drug.  It works.  He has lobotomized his nubile sister Hilda (Nadine Kalmes). Now he gropes and shoves his tongue into her mouth and she doesn't complain...much. He also has chained up the lovely Julia (Dawn Carter Kelly). He keeps her heavily sedated so he can grope and kiss her.  Jekyll pits the kidnap victims against each other in fights to the death.  We are treated to some vicious cat-fights, and you'll enjoy the Kung Fu vixen  (Tes Luz). He also kidnaps Julia's dad, Prof. Atkinson (John F. Kearney).  He is disgusted at Jekyll's experiments and use of human subjects.

Jekyll will sadistically beat Hilda and his other servants.  As Jekyll has his 16th bloke kidnapped, he seems to enjoy pitting males and females against each other in these fights to the death. The mad scientist continues to sexually molest Julia, who laughs at his marriage proposal.  This makes Hilda jealous and now Julia must fear both Jekyll and Hilda.  The increasing lunacy and sadism of Jekyll foretells a bloody and deranged ending.

Is the Jekyll character in this film a foretelling of the emergence of Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx?  Is a cat-fight brewing between Hilda and Julia?  How about this Kung Fu babe...will she be able to escape her bondage and spar with Jekyll?  Yep, vicious and depraved...but with so much energy and sadism, "Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death" is one for true horror fans.

Killer's Delight, Serial Killer Shreds the Beautiful

Anne-Marie Martin!  One of the most beautiful horror actresses of all time.  Wearing only a towel she is slashed and eaten by a slimy creature in "The Boogens."  Then in "Prom Night," she donned an incredibly sexy red sequins prom gown only to be slashed by an axe-wielding maniac.  In today's film, 1978's "Killer's Delight" (aka "The Sport Killer"), she is abducted, stripped, tortured, raped, broken, and dumped in a ditch.  Directed by Jeremy Hoenack, our film today was inspired by Ted Bundy and his maniacal murder spree.  Don't feel too sorry for Ms. Martin...she'll later marry Michael Crichton, famous author (Jurassic Park).

When Ms. Martin is murdered at the start of this film, there have already been about a dozen beautiful women murdered similarly. Detective Vince (James Luisi) is on the case.  He won't get right to it. Initially he is having sex out of wedlock with the sultry psychologist, Dr. Carol Thompson (Susan Sullivan). Meanwhile, Danny (John Karlen) is on the prowl. In disguise he seeks bathing beauties at a public pool.  He has fine taste and will abduct so many of them, torture them, rape them, and break their bones before dumping them.  The bodies pile up...all nude.  Some good police work by Vince helps him identify Danny as the killer...now the real work begins.

Even under police scrutiny, Danny still shreds bathing beauties.  Then Vince has an idea...a bad one.  Remember Dr. Carol?  The psychologist?  Do you think Vince will use her to develop a psychological profile of Danny? No!  Of course not!  Send her undercover as a lounge singer in slinky costumes so she can croon seduction at Danny.  Now Danny has Carol in his crosshairs...but to the psycho Danny...there's something special about this lounge singer.  Now Carol will be in more danger than she realizes with an incompetent police force protecting her.

Is out of wedlock sex with the detective assigned to the case they are both working on a good idea?  Will Dr. Carol have sex with the serial killer if it was a matter of national security?  Will Vince be able to protect his paramour from being raped, broken, and dumped?  This is a brutal one and the ending will be ten times more brutal than the preceding 75 minutes.  For some great cheese through the shredder, see "Killer's Delight."   

Don't Hang Up, Vicious Pranks

It is always fun until someone gets hurt.  Then, it is no longer fun.  In fact...it becomes bloody and deadly. Just harmless fun?  Maybe for some.  For others, unimaginable carnage.  Today we look at 2016's "Don't Hang Up," directed by Damien Mace and Alexis Wajsbrot.  I always say...don't antagonize an unstable populace.  No one listens to me.  What will occur over the next several years will demonstrate that... perhaps this film is a metaphor of the carnage to come.

Sam (Gregg Sulkin), Brady (Garrett Clayton), and Roy (Edward Killingback) have a YouTube channel dedicated to their pranks.  Using the telephone, the high school trio call people and elaborately prank them.  Bad taste abounds.  Several of their pranks inform parents their children have died.  Funny...right? As our film begins they call the lovely Mrs. Kolbein (Sienna Guillory)...and what they do to her is unconscionable.  The pranksters aren't above teen drama as Sam is sad his sultry girlfriend, Peyton (Bella Dayne) is avoiding him.  The fun stops.  A mysterious caller telephones Sam and Garrett.  Where's Roy?  Roy swims with the fishes.  The caller antagonizes the now duo.  He knows where they live and has abducted Brady's parents. 

Now the fiend threatens to murder Brady's parents unless the duo do exactly what he says.  He proves he has total control of their current environment.  Sam and Garrett desperately try to figure out who this guy is and how to save Brady's parents.  Peyton?  The babe?  Yep...the mystery guy abducts her, too.  Now it will get bloody and the fiend turns Brady and Sam against one another.  Peyton is put in peril.  Not so funny when the tables are turned on a prankster.  Uh oh...the weird voice on the phone is not a prankster...he's a sadistic killer.

Are Sam and Brady really innocent victims here?  Will you be pulling for our great looking teens to survive or for them to get what they deserve?  Will the creep shred the lovely, but non-prankster, Peyton, too?  A nice revenge film and perhaps a charge for all of us to be a bit less antagonistic toward our fellow traveler.  It'll be vicious and bloody, but you will enjoy "Don't Hang Up."  

Torture Dungeon, The Royal Family Shredded

There are those two waste-oids...Prince William and Prince Henry.  There is the worthless and irrelevant Kate, nee Middleton.  Then the idiot Meghan Markle...who looks more like Angela Merkle everyday.  Queen Elizabeth?  Is she still alive?  If so...why?  Prince Charles?  Please!  Has he said anything intelligent...ever!  Interbred swine!  Other than People Magazine and its stupid readers, does anyone really have any respect for the worthless pukes who make up the Royal family?  Today we look at 1970's "Torture Dungeon," directed by Andy Milligan.

Lady Jane (Patricia Dillon) is sad.  Norman (Gerald Jacuzzo), the Duke of Norwich just murdered her brother/lover.  She is pregnant with her brother's baby.  Norman, a bi-sexual and sterile dandy seeks to murder everyone who is in front of him in line for the throne...which is like several dozen.  As Lady Jane's brother was in line next, Albert (Hal Borske) is named king.  He is a half-wit after suffering brain damage as a child (kind of reminds you of Charles, William, or Harry).  Next up...find Albert a suitable bride so a male heir will be born.  Enter Heather (Susan Cassidy).  You'll like Heather...she has a lot of pre-marital sex, goes skinny dipping, and even when fully dressed her b**bs hang out and sway in the wind.

Heather is summoned after her boyfriend is murdered.  She is not happy, but is married to the half-wit, anyway.  Norman enters the marital bedroom and guides her and Albert in the act of consummating the marriage.  Enter Ivan, the demented necrophiliac hunchback, and Norman's henchman...and lover.  He murders Albert.  Heather is now on the run.  Norman summons his mistress, Rosemary (Patricia Garvey).  He will humiliate the beautiful Rosemary by making her have pre-marital sex with the demented hunchback.  Back to the plot.  All the babes in line for the throne are on the run.  Ivan and Norman hunt most of them down...but Heather and Lady Jane are running the fastest.  No matter, Norman is also fast and has promised Ivan that he can have cold sex with the corpses of these babes.

In public you may say this sounds too deviant and disgusting for your taste.  I understand.  In private, you will seek this film out...go ahead...I won't say anything.  At least Andy Milligan makes the Royals an interesting sort.  The bloody murders are numerous and the Royal women are babes.  Yes, the beautiful will die so horribly, and the hunks will be felled swiftly.  For a good metaphor for today's Royal family, discard your copy of People and see "Torture Dungeon."

Great White, Sharks Eat Aussies

Okay!  This movie is going to run into critical buzz saws.  The last half hour is brilliant...not stupid and unrealistic.  May I remind you the ending to "Jaws" was totally unrealistic.  In fact, we know the rifle round fired by Brody could not have penetrated the SCUBA tank and blown up the shark.  So there! You want realistic?  Fine!  Go renew your drivers license at the Department of Motor Vehicles...or even better, go get a colonoscopy.  Today we look at 2021's (a Shudder exclusive) "Great White," directed by Martin Wilson.

Australians used to be lovable and endearing...what happened?  As our film begins a very nice looking couple (Jason Wilder and Tatjana Marjanovic) are eaten by a great white shark.  Enter Kaz (Katrina Bowden) and Charlie (Aaron Jakubenko).  She's quite the babe and he is quote the hunk.  After some pre-marital sex the two discuss their failing airplane touring business.  Enter a rich Japanese couple, the arrogant  hunk Joji (Tim Kano) and his beautiful wife Michelle (Kimie Tsukakoshi).  They want an excursion to Hell's Reef so she can drop her grandfather's ashes over some shipwreck.  Also along is the cook, Benny (Te Kohe Tuhakae).  Cook?  I know...but he is the proverbial fifth wheel...can you guess who gets eaten first?

They fly to an island and find the remains of the aforementioned couple.  This puts a damper on things.  While flying out, they investigate the boat which was sunk by the shark.  Now the shark attacks Charlie's plane and sinks it.  The five great looking hunks and babes are now in a small life raft being followed by a 15 foot shark.  Joji ticks everyone off and everyone else looks kind of sad.  Mercifully, the shark begins its attack.  Now the bickering enhances and Charlie comes up with some halfwit ideas for survival.  As their chances of survival look bleak, heroism makes an appearance...but is it too late.  The two gals look great and there will be a gratuitous underwear scene.  The guys?  They grunt a lot.  Then the last half hour of this film...and it is ambitious and life changing.

Will anyone survive the carnage that the great white menace brings?  Will the bickering include a cat fight between Michelle and Kaz?  Is Kaz's pre-marital sex with Charlie an indication of her chances at survival?  Shark movie fans will enjoy this film and fans of babes all wet and in peril accompanied by hunks grunting type films will really enjoy this film.  As the winter nears, enjoy a film from Down Under, "Great White."