Okay...get over it. It is better than those "Star Wars" monstrosities or that stupid TV show "The Mandolorian." Oh, you fans of the Marvel Universe! You have no credibility to hate on our feature today. Sure, five of the ten most annoying character portrayals in film history are in this film today...and Liam Neeson isn't even in it. We do have an astronomical death count. We have decapitations, chainsaws, big knives, high school babes and hunks dying in gory fashion, and each one of those annoying characters... well, they get it real good. Our feature today is the Scout Taylor-Compton 2019 slasher epic, "The Lurker," directed by Eric Liberacki...no, not the pianist guy.
Scout Taylor-Compton! She plays Taylor. My goodness. Okay, maybe she just got out of rehab or something, don't hate her because of this film. She's a high school student starring in the student production of "Romeo & Juliet." She's Juliet...a rather chunky Juliet, but there I go...can't go a sentence without body shaming someone, can I? Oh, she has a secret. Secret is a relative term...everyone knows what it is and everyone is blackmailing her...and guess who begins dying? Yep...her sultry classmates. What is the secret? Or, non-secret? If everyone who knows is killed off, this will be the bloodiest slasher film of all time. That is what we are watching when we put this film on.
The Romeo of the play, a hunk named Miles (Michael Emery) knows the secret. He wants pre-marital sex with Taylor to keep it hush hush. His dad is played by Bruce Speilbauer...and you will want to jump into your TV screen and strangle him yourself. Fear not...he won't last. Beheadings, throats slashed, guttings, and beautiful high school students getting their faces dumped in chemicals await. Oh, the production that stars Miles and Taylor? Well, Shakespeare is vomiting in his grave...you'll see as the most awkward dance scene will play out before your very eyes.
Is Taylor the slasher or is that too easy? What is Taylor's secret and how could it still be considered a secret if everyone knows what it is? Did anyone ever mention continuity during the production of this film? If you see Scout Taylor-Compton at a horror convention, do not mention this movie or she might have security remove you. However, if you want a slasher film with dozens of gory kills and buckets of blood, see "The Lurker."