Tormented, The Slut vs. The Pigs

Slut? Is she really a slut? I know, it is a relative term. The whole high school and community thinks she is one. Let us not be too judgmental. After all, can't a slut be a hero? Can't a slut be a good guy in the battle against evil forces? Aren't sluts useful at times? I agree...this isn't a productive discussion, so let us dive into today's film, 2014's "Tormented" (aka "Berkshire County").

Pretty redhead Kylie (Alysa King) is pressured into giving her BF Marcus (Aaron Chartrand) oral sex at a Halloween party. Dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, she stays down on him for quite a while while he pulls out his phone and films it all. He will post the video for all to see and Kylie will be the last to know she is America's newest porn star. Totally shamed she arrives at a secluded mansion to tend to two crumb crunchers, Phoebe (Madison Ferguson) and Sam (Christophe Gallander). Their mom calls Kylie a slut and then heads to a party. Kylie isn't the warmest of babysitters but she will get a chance at heroics when three fiends clad in pig masks descend upon the mansion and cut the phone lines.

Now the three pigs led by Swine (Bart Rochon) inflict terror and break into the house. Kylie will put up a great fight but the two kids will be abducted and put in the back of their truck. What else is in the truck? You'll see. Now Kylie plays cat-and-mouse with her three tormentors and she has manned-up. A horrific aspect to this story is one of the pigs is a child (Leo Pady)...and he is also a homicidal maniac. The cops are useless, you'll see, and our three maniacs are a bit more sophisticated than they initially let on. Now Kylie turns into an assassin but her tormentors are ready.

Will Kylie save the two children in her care? Who are these pig tormentors and what do they want with Kylie and the children? Can a teenage girl be a slut and a bad-a** hero? Warning, the ending will be shocking and gory. Whatever mistakes Kylie has made at a drunken Halloween party, she has a chance at redemption...if she survives. Directed by Audrey Cummings, "Tormented" will shock your sensibilities and delve into some taboo.

The Return of Dracula, Vampire Hits California

Bringing Dracula, or a Dracula-like figure to the States is not an uncommon theme.  We all remember "Count Yorga, Vampire" or the "Kolchak: The Night Stalker" TV show. Today we have one of the earliest attempts at this.  Say what you want about today's feature but the Mina-like character is a true babe, and we like her. Unlike Wynona Ryder in the Francis Ford Coppola effort, Norma Eberhardt is a real actress and we like her.  Unlike Ms. Ryder, Ms. Eberhardt looks like someone we'd want to date and would not yell at us for every little thing we do. Just saying..  Today we look at 1958's "The Return of Dracula," directed by Paul Landres. 

The posse is on his tale so Dracula (Francis Lederer) has to get out of Dodge, I mean Europe. He sneaks onto a train and meets an artist, Bellack (Norbert Schiller).  Bellack is heading to the States to live with his relatives in California. Yep, Dracula murders him and takes his identity. Now Dracula shows up at the Mayberry-type residence.  These folks are salt of the earth and the nubile daughter, Rachel (Eberhardt), is quite a dish. Dracula thinks so, too.  Uh oh, Rachel has a boyfriend, Tim (Ray Stricklyn). He's a good sort and puts up with all Rachel's moods. God bless him. Uh oh, Dracula wants her.  He's a strange sort to his hosts who believe he's cousin Bellack.  For instance he takes the mirror down in his room, doesn't appear in daylight, and is afraid of crosses, but we shouldn't be judgmental. 

Okay, now Bellack sets his shop up in an abandoned mine.  He has a coffin for him and one for Rachel for when he turns her.  In the  mean time he bites Jenny (Virginia Vincent) and turns her into his vamp. Uh oh for Dracula, a European cop, Merriman (John Wengraf) hits town on his trail. Now Bellack, sensing danger, makes his move for the nubile lass that is Rachel. Her resistance will be futile, but don't fear...there are men in this film who know what needs to be done and how to do it.  These men are non-existent in today's America...hence we are incapable of winning a war, putting a man on the moon, or building a wall (this review was written last year). 

Yep, the purity of America went out the window when real men went by the wayside! Will Dracula be able to bite and turn Rachel into his bride?  Will the European cop be able to carve a nice stake out of a baseball bat (those same bats are made out of aluminum today)? Will Jenny, with her white negligee falling off, seduce any of the town's guys and maybe some of the town's babes?  Okay, that last question was of a prurient nature. For a neat vampire film that could be shown to the whole family, see "The Return of Dracula." 

Spare Parts, A Girl Punk Band Goes Gladiator

The Ms. 45s!  Yep...a babe punk band. Four ladies who can scream, beat up the audience, bicker, and ultimately kill.  Gotta love the name of the band.  This is a gory one with a bit of taboo in some of the plot lines.  Alas, the four lovelies in this band may not stay lovely.  Our feature today is the 2020 very bloody "Spare Parts," directed by Andrew Thomas Hunt.  Think amputation and Steampunk.

The Ms. 45s complete a gig.  A brawl ends the concert but the babes sell merch afterwards. Amy (Michelle Argyris) is the lead singer and is always bickering with her sister Emma (Emily Alatalo), the guitarist. Also in the group is the newly pregnant Jill (Chelsea Muirhead) and her lesbian lover Cassy (Kiriana Stanton).  I know...you do not need much more information to see this is not going to a pleasant place.  Warning...what will happen to Jill's unborn baby...well...you may not want to continue. For all you non-wusses, let's continue. After a wild car chase, the gals are gassed and wake up with their right arms amputated. The squeamish will turn their heads as we get to see one of these amputations done by a surgeon (Erin Noble).  Now the gals are prisoners in a junkyard world run by the emperor (Julian Richings) who is a cult like figure.  His second in command, and son Sam (Jason Rouse) is sweet on Emma.

Okay, the gals are teamed up and put up against other deviants and bikers.  Just like gladiators in ancient Rome, the gals are fitted with weapons.  Only, their weapons are attached to where their arms used to be. A machete, a sledgehammer, a spike...they are also switchable.  The gals are trained up and do a great job. Uh oh, the pregnant Jill is murdered in the ring immediately.  They killed a pregnant dame?  No, sadly her baby is in a jar being held by the emperor.  Yep, this is a sick one.  The gals are brainwashed but Amy is determined to murder all the junkyard cultists and gain freedom.  A lot of battle and gladiator scenes follow.  Decapitations and impalements will be thrown at you in rapid succession.

Will Amy be able to survive and lead the other gals in her band to freedom?  Will the bickering between sisters Emma and Amy be the greatest impediment to surviving this tortuous predicament?  Would the development of a third chord or a familiarity with melody have saved the Ms. 45s from the almost certain ruination they now face?  See "Spare Parts," that is if you can take it.

Piglet, English Babes Butchered by Giant Pig

From the U.K. a biting political commentary on the horrific reign of terror of Keir Starmer. Yep, sultry dames will die horribly, though some will be cut up first. This one has no relation to the "Winnie-the-Pooh" stories. Sledgehammers, pick-axes, machetes, carving knives, meat hooks, and shot guns will be utilized by a behemoth escaped convict on English babes. The dames won't even be safe in bikinis in hot tubs, if you can believe that.  Today we look at a bloody and grim one (just like Keir Starmer and the Labour Party), 2025's "Piglet," directed by Andrea M. Catinella.

Piglet (Alexander Butler) used to be a runt. A mad scientist at a prison experimented on him, and now he is a behemoth lunatic. He'll kill three guards and escape...oh, he also killed half the prison population. Now he finds his brother, Hogarth (Jerry Vinogradov), who is a weird caretaker of a campsite in the woods. Along comes Susie (Shayli Reagan), a babe.  She and seven friends will celebrate Susie's sister's birthday, Kate (Alina Desmond)...she is 21. The sultry Judith (Valery Danko) will get high soon.  Oh, two blonde babes, Alex (Lauren Staerck) and Diane (Alina Varakuta) will have steamy lesbian make-out sessions in the hot tub and exchange a lot of spit. Hogarth tells his brother, piglet, he can have the girls and he can pick one to be his mate.

Piglet goes bananas.  Diane will give us a nice shower scene, but be axed before the water gets hot.  One by one, the babes are felled, cut up, hung up by meat hooks, and humiliated. Like the Keir Starmer government, this film is incredibly misogynistic.  The babes will be covered in blood and desperately trying to flee Piglet.  Piglet is seemingly invincible and has chosen his mate.  Susie will do anything to protect her younger sister, Kate, and she might have to give her life to do so. Kate is not keen on losing her sister to the pig man, thus will go a little mad herself in order to combat him.  

Will any of the babes survive the wrath of Piglet, or will they all be eaten or used as breeding stock? Is the treatment of these babes by the monster a metaphor for what Brits are subject to in their National Health Service?  Do two hot blonde lesbians in bikinis making out and swapping a lot of spit in a hot tub ever have a chance to survive in these movies? Gratuitous, gory, a mammoth kill-count, and erotically steamy, see "Piglet" and don't get too attached to any of the babes in this film. 

Revenge, Slut Goes Psycho

Wow!  All right...picture this.  A sultry slut in panties and a skimpy top is impaled by a tree branch.  Losing blood fast, she gets down off the tree, yanks the tree branch out of her torso, cauterizes the wound with an aluminum beer can and a cigarette lighter, grabs a shotgun...and goes on a hunt for humans!  Oh!  The cauterized wound?  Now she has the imprint of a beer can logo on her abdomen. In movies, we love sluts.  We don't want our kids to become them or date one.  Still, they beat "strong," "empowered," and independent women who always try to remind you that they had to work twice as hard to achieve what any man has achieved...yawn!  Give me the skank any day of the week. Our feature today is the French film (most of it is in English, no need for subtitles), 2017's "Revenge," directed by Coralie Fargeat.

Jen (Matilda Lutz) is all skank.  The young gal accompanies an older man, the hunk Richard (Kevin Janssens) to a luxury vacation home in the Moroccan desert.  He's married and his kid has his first communion in a few days.  Jen doesn't care and wants Richard to divorce his wife and marry her.  The two have a lot of deviant sex.  Then Richard's Russian mobster buddies arrive.  Stan (Vincent Colombe) and Dmitri (Guillaume Bouchede) are boorish brutes.  The trio are heavily armed as they plan on a hunting weekend in t he desert.  While Richard is out acquiring hunting licenses, Stan rapes Jen.  The brute Stan was so enthralled at Jen's lap dance the prior evening, he figured she wanted it.  She didn't.  

Jen does not want to drop it and the trio of men push her off a cliff in the desert.  She'll be impaled on a tree and left for dead.  Just like Joe Biden is finding out, if you want to kill someone...make sure he or she is dead when you leave the scene.  Through some gory self surgery and some hallucinogenic peyote, Jen recovers and goes on her own personal hunt.  She will be unmerciful.  Blood will be everywhere and the kills will be quite gory.  We cheer for Jen as we like skanks in our films.  Wearing practically nothing, our slut is quite brutal on her heavily armed foes.  The blood will increase the further into the film you get.

Will Jen complete her mission and off Richard, Stan, and Dmitri?  Is Jen a metaphor for the return of beauty to western civilization after the hideous direction women have gone in the Modern Era of wokeness?  Should trashy ornate star earrings and false eyelashes be required for women heroines in film?  You guys will like this film, largely because of the violence and Matilda Lutz.  You babes will love this film largely because of the fashion ideas gleaned from the Jen character.  You woke idiots will detest this film.  See "Revenge" and enjoy a film a real man and a real woman will love. 

The Lair, Monsters in Afghanistan

So you think you know all you need to know about American involvement in Afghanistan.  Ha!  You obviously did not ask Neil Marshall.  Forget about the Taliban, though they are in our feature today.  Forget about that Usama guy.  Nope  Think alien invasion and Soviet mad scientists  Is "Soviet" and "mad scientist" in the same sentence superfluous?  Oh, for Neil Marshall fans, the heroine in this one is named Kate Sinclair...perhaps a tip of the hat to our favorite Neil Marshall character, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra).  Our feature today is 2022's "The Lair."

A British fighter jet gets shot down by the Taliban.  The pilot, Kate (Charlotte Kirk) ejects and immediately gets into a firefight with the Taliban.  She kills dozens of them but is chased into a weird Soviet bunker.  Down there, monsters join the war and kill her pursuers, but Kate escapes and is rescued by Americans.  These American troops are not impressive.  They look like the types of troops that idiot General Mark Milley would love.  Of course, Milley is nowhere around...he's probably sipping wine and eating brie at a DC cocktail party as real men and women do the fighting...okay, back to the film.  Yep, the monsters eventually follow Kate and the Americans to their base and attack.  The attack will be brutal and the commanding officer, Finch (Jamie Bamber) figures out what they are and radios American CIA spooks...who are masters in cover-up.  Now Kate, Finch, some British SAS brutes, some American GI rejects, a Taliban guy, and the hunk Sgt Hook (Jonathan Howard) enter into an unwinnable war.

Kate comes up with an idea after learning what these things are.  Aliens from outer space?  Humans who had their genes experimented with?  A Soviet creation?  You'll see.  The brilliant idea is to take the war to the monsters.  They are gnarly and slimy humanoid beasts with long tongues and a probing eyeball...you'll see.  The monsters enjoy eating humans and Kate and the boys have another problem.  The Taliban is on the way.  Bigger problem...the CIA spooks believe in cleaning up their messes and leaving no loose ends.  Yep...A MOAB bomb is also on the way.  What is a MOAB bomb?  You'll see.

Will Kate and the boys defeat the monsters and the Taliban?  Do the monsters want to eat Kate or do they have other plans for her?  Are the monsters a metaphor for the incompetence of General Mark Milley and General Mattis that made the conflict in Afghanistan such an utter failure?  We don't get enough monster in Soviet bunker movies, so enjoy "The Lair."            

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, Someone Had a Rotten Childhood

Wow!  I just finished watching today's blog entry.  The creators of this film seemed to have had a rotten childhood.  Either that or they are all divorced men with women issues.  A lot of nubile babes in this film, sadly, they won't just die horribly, they'll be put through the meatgrinder, crushed, beheaded, etc. Okay, I admit...when I was a kid I did find Winnie-the-Pooh annoying and Christopher Robin weird.  Anyone ever wonder what happened when Christopher Robin grew up? Ask no more.  Today we look at 2023's "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey," directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfeld.

Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) brings his attractive wife, Mary (Paula Coiz) into the woods to see where he used to play with  his imaginary friends...Pooh (Craig David Dowsett), Piglet (Chris Cordell), and Eyor.  To Christopher they were real...and Mary is about to find that out. So distraught at being abandoned by Christopher, Pooh and Piglet ate Eyor and have sworn to murder any human they come across.  This won't bode well for Mary who will be caught by Pooh and Piglet, stripped off her bones, and fed to Christopher.  I'm sure this is a metaphor for something. Christopher is left strung up for whipping and other torture. Okay, we meet six or seven babes, most notably Maria (Maria Taylor).  She is brought to a vacation home by her sultry lesbian lover, Jessica (Natasha Rose Mills). Five other babes are invited. Sadly, Tina (May Kelly) will not make it to the cabin as Pooh will put her through a meatgrinder and make sausage out of her...again, this must be some sort of metaphor for unhappy college aged babes.

As Maria reveals her fear of men to Jessica and the other girls, Lara (Natasha Tosini) strips to a bikini and goes to take selfies in the hot tub...bad move.  She'll be carried away by Pooh and Piglet.  One by one, the now monsters go through babes like crap through a goose.  Some will put up a nice fight but as soon as sledgehammers or machetes are introduced into the melee...they will fall. Of course, our two lesbian lovers are on the run after escaping from the makeshift butcher shop, but just how far will they get?  Pooh and Piglet show no signs they can be reasoned with.  But wait!  Christopher Robin escapes his chains and is determined to help the surviving gals.

Is some part of us happy that Christopher Robin is being horrifically tormented for the sins of his past? Is the fate of the babes in this film a metaphor for what a woke culture does to women here in the 2020s?  Did Tina, after made into sausage, taste just like chicken?  This is a bloody and grim one.  The babes in this film may have provided a high cheese factor, but like a good Giallo film, don't get too attached to them.  See "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" for gory horror with a high kill count.