Alpha Code, Denise Richards is in it!

Why, oh why, did I watch this movie!?  Easy.  Denise Richards is in it. Oh, that fighter guy, Randy Couture is in it too! Oh, so is Ben Foster!  Wait!  Did I say Ben Foster? Excuse me...Bren Foster.  What's the difference? The difference is Ben Foster is not in this one...even though we thought he was until midway through the movie. But, Denise Richards is in it and she looks...pretty good, though she could have smiled some more and showed more skin...just saying. Our feature today is 2020's "Alpha Code," directed by Keoni Waxman and made in the Czech Republic, or is that Czechia now?

Plot? Fine, but remember, you asked!  A woman and a baby are sucked up into a UFO in Prague. Relevance to the film?  Maybe some...who knows?  Okay, Martin (Ben, I mean Bren Foster) drives his sultry daughter home to a country cottage. Teri (Sabina Rojkova) might be the Czech version of Denise Richards...hopefully she will not date Charlie Sheen or catfight with Heather Locklear...though if those things were in this movie, they might have gotten Ben Foster to be in it. Yep, UFOs and aliens pay the cottage a visit and take Teri and leave Martin unconscious. Martin awakes in a hospital and the ruthless U.N. agent Ray Bowie (Randy Couture) yells at him.  Why? Because he's not Ben Foster, maybe.

Martin escapes to try to find his daughter and meets Johana (Richards) on line.  Upset Martin is not Ben Foster, Johana is vague with him.  Apparently Johana and Martin both had loved ones taken by the UFOs and Agent Bowie wants to kill them because of that...you know the U.N.  Johana introduces Martin to the "Unchosen." No, not the TV show. The "Unchosen" were not...chosen...by the aliens in UFOs, I guess.  But, their loved ones were.  Why?  Maybe the aliens wanted to get Ben Foster and this guy Bren shows up so they sic Randy Couture on them.  Maybe. Martin and Johana will kiss, but that's it, and Johana introduces him to Lance (Marek Vasut).  Lance tells Martin that he can communicate to the aliens.  Johana continues to look sad and serious and will set off with Martin to find...something by Geocaching. Nerds!

Will Denise Richards smile and have pre-marital sex with the guy who is not Ben Foster?  Couldn't the makers of this film spent a little more money and gotten Heather Locklear and put in a catfighting scene with her and Denise Richards?  Is this film required for Charlie Sheen in whatever therapy program he is in?  Oh, what Joel and the 'bots could have done with this one!  Well, watch the film if you must.  At very least...Denise Richards is in it...which is always better than Meryl Streep.  See "Alpha Code," and don't say I didn't warn you.   

Creature with the Atom Brain, Atomic Zombies used for Revenge

Angela Stevens is a fine looking dame and is second-billed in our feature today.  The sultry blonde plays Joyce who looks great in a shiny white robe and loves to be swatted on the buttocks. Now that's a dame we can all get behind. Alas, she has little bearing on the plot, but when she's on screen, getting spanked or pulled into bed, it is so nice. Okay, the plot in this film is driven by men, as are wars, death, dismemberment, and destruction.  Let us look at 1955's "Creature with the Atom Brain," directed by Edward L. Cahn.

Buchanan (Michael Granger) is back. He was sentenced to five years and swore revenge on all those who put him away. He has returned with a Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Steigg (Gregory Gaye) who has perfected resurrecting corpses into controllable zombies. Buchanan has Steigg make him a bunch of these zombies and sends them after the people who helped convict him. The fiends are superhuman, immune to bullets, and leave a trail of radiation. Police scientist Dr. Chet Walker (Richard Denning) is on the case. He has a lovely wife and tries to pull her into bed and swats her little behind. Back to the important parts of the plot. Chet figures out the killers all are radioactive and their blood is some crystallized radioactive solution. They also have electrodes in their brains that are powered by an atomic machine in Buchanan's basement laboratory.

At will, Buchanan sends the fiends out to commit murder.  When Buchanan realizes Chet and the cops are getting close to finding his secret laboratory, he warns them to stop looking. The cops keep looking and the fiends sabotage airplanes, trains, and utility plants.  Now with the city powerless to stop Buchanan and his minions, and with Joyce being spanked, Chet and the cops have to get smart and quickly track the monsters to Buchanan's lab.  Uh oh...Chet's buddy, police captain Dave (S. John Laurens) is captured and turned into an atomic zombie and sent to pay Joyce a visit.

Will Joyce be spanked by an atomic zombie?  Will Chet locate Buchanan before his wife gets spanked by an atomic zombie?  Will Joyce end up having the world's first atomic offspring?  Okay, that last question was inappropriate.  Anyway, for a fantastic 1950s scifi/horror B movie, see "Creature with the Atom Brain" and learn where that Japanese fetish of radioactive spanking comes from.   

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys, Three Full Moon Features Converge

You have to love Full Moon Features and Charles Band.  Today we look at one that takes three of their films, "Dollman," "Demonic Toys," and "Bad Channels" and meshes them. Today's feature will give us a sultry cop and a sultry nurse, a rarity in today's films.  Throw in neat monsters, an evil baby, a big spider, laser fights, and gunfights.  Our film today is Charles Band's 1993 "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys." 

The sultry policewoman, in tight jeans and halter top, Judith (Tracy Scoggins) is back at the warehouse that houses demonic toys. They mock her and escape from her through the AC ventilation shafts. Now she seeks help and hunts out dollman, the foot tall cop from another world, Brick (Tim Thomerson). Brick? He's in search of the sultry Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr), who was shrunk by aliens in "Bad Channels." She's a babe and Brick needs a dame. Judith finds both of them and convinces them to help her hunt the four remaining demonic toys (baby doll, GI Joe, a Jack-in-the-box head, and robot). Now the trio return to the warehouse and the evil toys are waiting.  War breaks out and the casualties will be heartbreaking.

The evil toys like to capture beautiful women, put them into a pentagram, and feast on their blood.  Thus, Ginger and Judith are prime targets.  Oh, yeah...the baby doll wants to mate with Ginger and have her birth the devil reincarnate...happens. Brick chases the evil things, engages in gunfights, and now must save Ginger from a fate worse than death.  Brick is right out of a Sam Spade Film Noir film. Ginger is right out of a nurse-ploitation film. Judith is the hottest detective you will ever see ("Cagney and Lacey" fans should just go watch a Meryl Streep film, instead). We need to see more Tracy Scoggins films!

Will the evil baby doll impregnate Judith with the devil's seed?  Will Judith survive the wrath of the evil toys a second time?  Will Brick save the dames and begin a beautiful relationship with the shrunken nurse?  This is a good one with great monsters, sultry babes, and a hard boiled alien cop.  See "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" and enjoy some great cheese and beef with icky monsters.

Beast of War, World War 2 Great White Shark

From Australia, a Great White shark film. There's a country with some standing when it comes to this toothy menace. Combine it with being a World War 2 film and this is an extra bonus. We even get a real monster of a shark, a 20 footer!  Soldiers will be feasted on, limbs will be bitten off torsos, and Aussie army men will fight Japs, sharks, and their own personal demons.  Our feature today is 2025's "Beast of War," directed by Kiah Roache-Turner.

1942, in the rainy, muddy, jungle of northern Australia, recruits are going through boot camp. The youngsters are learning to be soldiers. There we meet Will (Joel Nankervis) and Leo (Mark Coles Smith). Will is a brain and does not seem to be cut out to be a soldier.  Leo is a hunk and seems very cut out to be a soldier. They'll bond and when boot camp is over, are sent on the same ship to fight the Japanese. Boom!  Japanese fighters sink the ship and most on the troops on the transport ship die and are eaten by sharks.  About seven or eight survive on a makeshift raft.  Some are wounded and their blood leaks into the sea. Now a 20-footer arrives. The Great White shark has a broken siren imbedded in its fin and when it approaches, a haunting sound is heard.

Rations are low and the men watch as Bobby (Tristan McKinnon) is eaten first, followed by Stan (Maximillian Johnson).  Now the men realize they have to do something other than just sit on their raft, which is stuck in a fog bank.  The shark is aggressive and when it is ready for another meal, it just rams the rickety raft. Remember Will the brainiac?  He starts using his head and comes up with some nice ideas for survival. He even spots a motorboat, but as luck would have it, it is several yards away from their raft.  If things could not get any worse...the Japanese come back to finish the job.

Can Will figure out a way to get to the motorboat?  Will the warrior Leo prove might and brawn is more important than brains in this situation? Is the big bad Great White a mere metaphor for the monster that is war and its desire to eat us all up, even if we survive?  Ask the Russians and Ukrainians that one.  For a gory, poignant, and terrifying big shark, see "Beast of War."  

The Hypnotic Eye, Beautiful Women Mutilate Themselves

Ever been hypnotized? You sure?  If you answered no, how can you be sure?  Maybe you are still hypnotized. If you are, you may all of a sudden bark like a dog, flap your arms like a bird...or take a straight razor to your face.  In today's motion picture, sultry dames, for no apparent reason, maim their faces with razors, or acid, or blades of a fan, or fire.  Let us look at 1960's "The Hypnotic Eye," directed by George Blair.  Warning...this is a shocking one and may cause you to turn your face away from the screen.

As our film begins, a sultry blonde is shampooing her hair when she suddenly sticks her head on the burner of her stove, lighting her whole head on fire. She is the 11th such victim, all sultry dames, all marring their faces. This latest one is the first one to die.  The first 10 can provide no clue as to why they did what they did. The hunk, Detective Dave Kennedy (Joe Patridge) is on the case. His buddy, police psychiatrist Dr. Phil Hecht (Guy Prescott) try to solve it. Wouldn't you know it, Dave has a date with the sultry Marcia (Marcia Henderson).  They are going to see a stage hypnotist with Marcia's nubile and sultry bestie, Dodie (Merry Enders). The trio enjoy The Great Desmond (Jacques Bergerac) as he puts on a fascinating hypnotism show. At the end, Dodie volunteers to be hypnotized. All seems fine until Dodie goes home and washes her face with sulphuric acid. Now her face is hideous. Marcia thinks Desmond did it...at least his hypnotic powers did it.

Okay, Marcia plays detective and returns the next night. By the way, Desmond has a sultry assistant, Justine (Allison Hayes). She is the definition of the word sultry, you'll see.  Marcia agrees to be hypnotized and believes she fakes her way through it. But does she? Now she accepts a date with Desmond as Dave and Phil follow. Marcia will then have Justine waiting for her at her apartment. Justine has plans for Marcia but Dave arrives and chases her away. Desmond and Phil then put their heads together as Marcia, entranced, is no longer any help...and soon may not be beautiful, anymore.

Why are sultry dames having their faces horribly mutilated?  Will Marcia be the latest victim?  Just where does Justine fit into all of this?  This is a graphic and vicious horror film and to see what happens to these beauties is difficult to watch. We gasp as Marcia seems to be heading into mutilation and torment.  For a horror film with great cheesecake (though most of the cheesecake will turn to toast), and an exotic hunk hypnotist, see "The Hypnotic Eye," and beware...you just may be hypnotized as the end credits roll.

The Mutations, Plants vs. Babes

This is one of those creepy and icky ones that will give you nightmares.  You will wince when you see what happens to the most beautiful dames in London. A mad scientist, some circus freaks, and nubile babes is never a good combination...especially for the nubile babes.  Man eating plants!  Laboratory mutations!  The horrific marring the beautiful!  Horrific indeed.  Our feature today is 1974's "The Mutations," directed by Jack Cardiff.

Dr. Nolter (Donald Pleasance) is our mad scientist.  He has figured out a way to speed up evolution. He has also figured out a way to mix human and plant DNA to create a man-plant. Nolter hires circus freaks who hunt down and capture Euro-babe Bridget (Olga Anthony). The sultry redhead will be stripped and pawed by freak Lynch (Tom Baker) and given to Nolter. In Nolter's lab, the helpless and nude redhead will be zapped with the scientist's new ray gun and turn into a hideous lizard-woman. Sad. Her buddies worry about her.  Her buddies Lauren (Jill Haworth) and Tony (Scott Antony) get aggressive in looking for her. The fate of these two when they come up against the circus freaks will be sad.  Especially for Tony who becomes a plant-man who feeds on people.

American scientist Brian (Brad Harris) arrives and romances Lauren and Tony's friend Hedi (Julie Ege). Hedi takes a gratuitous bath and while all wet and nude, a creature comes to get her.  Now Brian must race against time, circus freaks, and a mad scientist to prevent the nude and helpless Swedish babe from getting turned into a hideous green mutation.  Meanwhile the circus freaks decide to inflict their own brand of justice...you'll see.

Will the nubile Swedish beauty, Hedi, be able to keep her beauty or become a vegetable?  Just what fate did fell the lovely Lauren?  Will the circus freaks be able to have their way with the nubile babes?  This is a hard one to watch. The fate of the babes will make you shiver.  The plant creatures are icky and terrifying.  For a great monster/mad scientist/Euro-trash film with nubile babes, often naked and wet, see "The Mutations."

Project Ithaca, A Slimy Bio-Mechanized Tentacled Monster

"Project Ithaca" may be the worst name for a film this century. A better name for this one would be "The Slimy Tentacled Bio-Mechanized Creature Goes Berserk." See, that has a ring to it. Don't listen to me though, go ahead, go with "Project Ithaca."  See how many people actually watch your film. Well, because we have a slimy tentacled bio-mechanized creature, we do at least have a worthwhile film.  Our feature today is 2019's "Project Ithaca," directed by Nicholas Humphries.

Okay, we begin at a top secret mountain laboratory, focusing on ETs and UFO contact.  A little girl Sera (Deragh Campbell) seems to have a psychic connection to an alien intelligence. The kind and benign John (James Gallanders) oversees the project and watches out for Sera as his higher-ups see her as a potential weapon for the defense department. We'll skip the backstory, though it is fascinating and telling. Sera goes missing...and a week later, so does John. Yep, they are pulled into an alien ship with a half dozen other unrelated schmucks.  They are all secured by slimy tentacles that get tighter when they struggle.  Here are a couple of kickers, as they say.  The peeps are from different times in history.  Also, the spaceship seems to fuel itself on their fear, thus the tentacled creature appears and scares them.

Now the poor schmucks need to work together to survive and escape. There is Zack (Alex Woods) a rock star.  There is Perry (Daniel Fathers) a hardened convict. Rhonda (Konima Parkinson-Jones), a teacher.  Then there is Alex (Caroline Raynaud), a heroin whore. Sera tries to guide all of them to survival and with Sera and John, we find out more about the creature, the ship, and its motive.  We find out that the ship is built on nano-technology and Sera is in the aliens plans for conquest and procreation. Now the creature must get more aggressive as it may not be in as much control as it would like to be.  However diminutive Sera might appear, she definitely spooks her captors, too.  Now the survival of John and the fellow captives, and maybe that of mankind, depends on Sera's ability to battle the tentacled menace and get her and her new buddies off the ship.

Does the alien force desire to conquer the Earth or take over human bodies?  Can John and Sera outsmart this thing?  Will any of the other captives be at all useful in repelling the menace from other worlds?  The strength of this film is the slimy tentacled creature that prides itself on inducing fear.  For some nice slimy, tentacled, bio-mechanized creature horror, see "Project Ithaca" and try to work around that awful title.