Saturday, February 22, 2020

Bachelor Party Massacre, Guys and Strippers Die Horribly

Why do dancers die so horribly in these films? Perhaps in a misogynistic society where male domination insists on ladies of the night and denying them collective bargaining rights,  this is just inevitable. Nurses and stewardesses don't die this horribly and in this great a number... okay, so maybe they do. But stewardesses and nurses are unionized so at least they are smartly dressed when they are slashed and dissected. Today we take a look at 2006's "Bachelor Party Massacre," directed by Schumacker Halpern Overdrive (really). This film has a humongous kill total, and no stripper... er exotic dancer will fare well.
A sultry blonde murders her dad and his exotic dancer mistress and is sent away for life. After a bloody escape she descends on the town of Alpine and in a very gratuitous slashing scene, cuts up pretty blonde stripper Val (Lesley Patterson). Val was going to work a bachelor party so the killer takes her place. Addison (Michael Capes) is a hunk who is engaged to Lisa (Kate Huffman). His three amigos are throwing him the party at a closed down bar. Carl (Joshua Breeding) is his brother and Mark (Kyle Powers) and Paul (Eric Von Doymi) are his buds. After meeting them we desire that this quartet die horribly.
Two strippers arrive, Erin (Zoe Taylor) and Jennifer (Jamie Marie). They strip and do a lot of lap dances. The killer is also present and she will get busy. Her kills are bloody and vomit inducing, literally. Mark will die first in a pile of his own vomit. The beautiful killer has a big knife, an ax, and will also use a stiletto heel as a weapon. The beautiful will die in humiliating fashion and the hunks will be... well, you'll see. The body count will sky rocket quickly, just in time for Lisa and Carl's wife (Monica Marie Johnson) to show up. The more the merrier for our killer who is hearing voices and wants everyone to die with much gore.  As strippers and hunks fall, our sultry slasher gets more unwound.
Is there no end to the disrespectful and misogynistic depiction of ladies of the night in our movies? Will our sultry killer be stopped by any of the hunks or their wives? Would nurses or stewardesses fared better against the insane blonde than our ill-fated exotic dancers? This is an ambitious horror film with a few more kills than usual. For a nice time on movie night, take in "Bachelor Party Massacre."

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Witchcraft, The Return of the Hag

She's back! Like anyone who has one really wants them back. No one, unless you belong to some deviant Satanic want them back, but then again, you like drinking chicken blood. From 1964 we have "Witchcraft," a Hammer-like horror film starring Lon Chaney, Jr. In this haunted tale, the sins of us in the present just beg the return of a 300 year old witch. Directed by Don Sharp, "Witchcraft" is atmospheric, spending much of its time in a cavernous old mansion and an unending family tomb.
Okay, Bill Lanier (Jack Hedley) isn't a bad guy, but his partner, Myles (Barry Linehan) is. The two have the contract on developing their old English town by adding modern homes and strip malls. Alas, Myles orders the centuries old graveyard the name of progress. Bill has nothing to do with this decision but incurs Morgan Whitlock's (Cheney, Jr.) wrath. The Whitlock's have been buried in this cemetery for centuries and all the graves are disturbed. Uh oh, Vanessa Whitlock (Yvette Rees), a witch who was buried alive (by the Laniers') 300 years ago, crawls out of her grave. She's back!
Vanessa goes to work right away, leaving voodoo dolls on her victims. First Myles...she'll drown him in the bathtub. Then the Laniers' must pay...after all, the Laniers' of 300 years ago buried her alive. In fairness...she had it coming. Ah so cute, Bill's son Todd (Dabid Weston) and Morgan's daughter Amy (Diane Clare) are sweet on each other. These two don't understand a centuries old feud...but they will, soon. Uh oh, a sacrifice is needed by a Satanic cult, which is mandated by Vanessa, and Bill's very pretty wife Tracy (Jill Dixon) will do the trick. As Vanessa and Satanists set their sights on the pretty (but obviously not a virgin) Tracy, Bill will have to come up on speed on Vanessa and the Whitlock's thirst for revenge.
Will Bill be able to save Tracy from grouchy Satanists? Will Amy and Todd's love for each other temper an ages old hatred the Laniers' and Whitlocks' have for each other? Will the centuries old Vanessa stop killing Laniers' long enough to put on some make-up, buy some fashionable clothes, and perhaps start enjoying the 20th century? This film is a neat English horror film complete with creepy graveyards, family crypts, and ominous curses. For a neat Friday night date movie catch "Witchcraft."

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Savage Abduction, Exploitation and Violence Galore

Be warned! This is a brutal one in bad taste. If that could offend you...stop reading now. Nubile teen babes put upon by a biker gang and sex maniac. I told you...but had to read on. In drive-in style we delve into a gritty exploitation thriller, 1973's "Savage Abduction" (aka "Cycle Psycho" and "The Bloody Abduction of Sarah Ridelander"). Two nubile teen-age gals will undergo unimaginable horror with barely a chance at survival.
As our film begins, Sarah (Marga-Jean) is brutally murdered in her bed by serial killer Harry (Joe Turkel). This fiend not only stabbed her to death, but he raped her corpse. Uh oh...Harry is not alone in this awful act. He was hired by Sarah's husband, Dick (Tom Drake). Dick is a rich lawyer who decided to off his wife, and Harry was an available hit-man. Dave gets away with it as the cops don't suspect him, so what could go wrong? Witnesses and accomplices never age well. Harry decides he wants two nubile gals so he can rape, torture, and dissect them. The psycho calls his old pal Dick. This is Harry's deal for Dick...get me two babes suitable for rape and dissection and the cops will never have to know you hired me to kill your wife.
Blackmailed, Dick just gets into it deeper. He hires a biker gang, The Savage Disciples, to abduct two babes. Chelsea (Steve Oliver) is hesitant to take the job, but he's a fiend too and acquiesces. Enter two babes, fresh in L.A. from Omaha...Faye (Kitty Vallacher) and Jenny (Tannis Gallik). These two, upon hitting L.A. don mini-skirts and go-go boots and decide to see some of the city. They are quickly abducted by The Savage Disciples. The two teens are held captive at the biker pad, either locked in a closet or tied up. They plead to be let go, but their captors have been promised a lot of money for them. Hearing two dames have been secured for him, Harry readies some rope, saws, and more surgical tools. As the girls are helpless to escape, Harry and Dick head over to collect the goods.
Do Jenny and Faye have any chance at escape? Just what does Harry have planned for his hacksaws and surgical tools? Okay...stupid question. Does Dick really believe that after this blackmail transaction that Harry will leave him alone? No humor or cute plot devices here...the gals are in'll see. Certainly "Savage Abduction" isn't a film you will gloat about at your book club or Lions Club meeting, but admit it...something inside you is telling you to find it on YouTube.

Sunday, February 16, 2020

The Undead, Nubile Babes and Witchcraft

In what appears to be a predictable tale of witch trials in which nubile babes are put in much peril, Roger Corman throws in some neat twists to make this one...a little different. Most importantly, 1957's "The Undead" gives us some great 1950's cheesecake, more specifically, Allison Hayes and Pamela Duncan. These two beauties will be pitted against each other and we can only hope for a gratuitous cat-fight. The allure of the evil witch, Ms. Hayes, and the nubile lass, played by Miss Duncan, may be the highlight of this tale that becomes a complex tale of irony.
Streetwalker...okay, whore, Diana (Duncan) is picked up by mad-scientist Quintus (Val Dufour). He doesn't want sex, but pays her hypnotized. The beauty lays on the couch and Quintus goes to work. After learning from Buddhist shamans, Quintus is able to send Diana back to a past life, where she was on trial for witchcraft. Arriving in the past, Diana is now the nubile Helene who is set to be executed. Now Diana is a voice in Helene's head and instructs her on how to escape. Using seduction, and she is quite capable of that, she escapes.
Now on the run, the very sultry Helene hides in a coffin...with its corpse. As the horse-drawn hearse starts moving, she and the corpse rapidly rub up against each other. Okay, enter Livia (Hayes), a knock-out of a witch . Livia needs Helene's head in order to gain Satan's favor...oh yes, he's in this (Richard Devon). But wait! Back in the 20th century, Quintus realizes his little experiment may change history and he follows Diane back to the 17th century. Now Quintus meets Livia and Satan and tries to collect Helene/Diana. But wait again! Helene's predicament has yielded some surprising dichotomies. The beautiful Helene has a choice to make and the results of her choice are steeped in irony. As Diana must choose between the man she loves and death, her choice won't be as easy it may seem.
With the sultry Livia desiring Helene's head, and Helene desiring the love of a brave knight, the two babes are in store for some surprising twists. Will the twists faced by Helene and Livia still enable them to partake in a wild cat-fight? Is the life of a 20th century prostitute preferable to that of a 17th century beauty, slated to be executed for witchcraft? Is this film a Roger Corman sermon explaining the misogyny of the 20th century being just as profound as 17th century misogyny? This is a good one that gets quite complex. However complex, the allure of Ms. Duncan and Ms. Hayes will keep you glued to the silver screen. Enjoy Roger Corman's "The Undead." 

Friday, February 14, 2020

Venus in Furs, Sultry Revenge From the Grave

Jesus Franco didn't have to contend with ISIS...probably a good thing. As James Darren has passionate and juicy pre-marital sex with Maria Rohm, images of erect mosque spirals are super-imposed on the heated action. As the two moan and groan, the Muslim call to prayer also echos. A scene reminiscent of the train going through the tunnel in "North By Northwest" when Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint go at it. With heated this Franco film, is ghostly revenge and erotic methods. Today we look at 1969's "Venus in Furs."
Wanda (Rohm) appears at a jet-set party of millionaire Ahmed (Klaus Kinski) in Istanbul. Jimmy (Darren) is the hired help, tooting his trumpet with the band. Wanda is ushered into another room and Ahmed and her begin sucking face. Uh oh...the sultry Olga (Margaret Lee) and the pervert Percival (Dennis Price) show up. Percival beats and strips Wanda as Olga wields a whip and uses it repeatedly on the mysterious siren. Humiliated, Wanda is then jumped on by the perverse trio and sacrificed with a ceremonial dagger. She'll wash up dead on a beach soon...and our story really begins.
Jimmy is now tooting his horn in Rio and loving nightclub singer Rita (Barbara McNair). The two are crazy about each other until Wanda shows up. Uh oh...she's supposed to be dead. Much to Rita's frustration, Wanda and Jimmy commence a torrid love affair. Uh oh again, Percival is also in town and Wanda will pay him a very erotic and deadly visit. After a gratuitous make-out scene between Wanda and Olga, the ghostly vixen will then pay an equally erotic visit to Olga...can you guess her fate. Now Wanda heads back to Istanbul where Ahmed still practices ancient rites. The love-struck Jimmy follows and the two have more pre-marital sex. Now Wanda seeks to complete her revenge at the same time as she falls madly in love with Jimmy.
Is Wanda really dead? If Wanda is really a ghost, is Jimmy really cheating on Rita? After disposing of Olga in an act of erotic revenge, will Wanda turn her attention to Rita in a more 'claiming your territory' act of violence? This is a horror/mystery heavy on eroticism and Maria Rohm's ghostly allure is this film's major asset. For some intriguing plot lines and alluring performances, see "Venus in Furs."

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Varsity Blood, Cheerleaders and Jocks Die Horribly

Beautiful cheerleaders die horribly, but not before providing gratuitous shower scenes, gratuitous strip scenes, gratuitous scenes in pink undies. Hunk jocks die horribly, but not before some gratuitous ab shots, gratuitous grunt shots, and after groping and feeling up the aforementioned soon-to-be-dead cheerleaders. In 2014's "Varsity Blood," director Jake Helgren brings us back to classic themes and plot devices from 1980s slasher films. Today we look at this morality tale that show us what could happen to you handsome and pretty youngsters if you drink alcohol, do drugs, and engage in pre-marital sex...or take a probing shower in front of the camera.
The nubile and perky Hannah (Lexi Giovagnoli) arrives in town after the horrible death of her dad. She immediately makes the cheer squad at high school. Her backstory isn't the only sad one. A year earlier the beautiful cheerleader Ginny (Chloe Evans) was killed, and the other cheerleaders may have been responsible. Uh oh...Hannah doesn't know this and when Ginny's boyfriend escapes from a lunatic asylum, he heads back to town. The pretty Diane (Elle LaMont) will be the first to go as she showers in the locker room. A tomahawk wielding Aztec priest finds her and offs her. Okay, Tina (Natalie Peyton), the head cheerleader arranges a Halloween party at a secluded abandoned house...bad idea.
Beer and drugs will be supplied by the football jocks and Hannah must disobey her weird mom (Debbie Rochon) to attend. Hannah's boyfriend Blaine (Blair Jackson) is a two-timer and Hannah will dump him at the party, enabling the seemingly clean cut Jeff (Wesley Scott) to move in. Also moving in is that Aztec priest. The fiend also has a bow and arrow and as Vickie (Taylor Moessinger) and Peter (Manuel Chapa) have pre-marital sex in the bed of a pick-up, he slaughters them. As beer and drugs permeate the party our Aztec priest goes through cheerleaders like crap through a goose, and jocks too. Pretty Heather (Elyse Bigler) will have the most heartbreaking death. The pretty blonde will get a pitchfork in the gut after varsity heroics. As Hannah and Jeff team up to save their pals, the Aztec priest seems unstoppable.
Who is this Aztec priest and what connection does he have to the cheerleading squad? What tragedy befell Ginny last year, and are the rest of the cheerleaders doomed to fall to someone's twisted revenge?  Will there be a final cheerleader or is no one too beautiful to die? There is plenty of cheesecake and beefcake in this one, and most of them will die horribly. With much gratuitous cheerleader scenes, illegal drinking and drug use, and beautiful teens behaving badly, the Aztec guy may be an angel of morality...or not. For a terrific slasher film, see "Varsity Blood."

Monday, February 10, 2020

Rave Party Massacre, Machete Wielding Fiend in 1992

You remember the horrors of 1992...don't you? Oh come on...the killings in have to remember those? No!?! Well how about the little boy and the dog that got gunned down? What!? You don't remember? Oh come on! People were dying in the streets! Well, just go with it, as does 2017's "Rave Party Massacre" (aka "DeadThirsty"). This bloody slasher flick, which utilizes an ax and a machete, is steep with irrelevant political commentary that will bore you, but also rife with gore and gratuitous enjoy this Jason Winn film.
Skipping all the 1992 politics, let us focus on the slasher film. The very perky and scantily clad Rachel (Sara Bess) and her dolt boyfriend Branson (Jared Sullivan) are arguing as they arrive at a rave party at an abandoned hospital. Immediately they down ecstasy and Rachel begins dancing and having sex with a stranger Thomas (Pedro Paulo Ferreira). Fair is fair, Branson begins dancing and feeling up a stranger, Clare (Melissa Kunnap). Rachel in her sexy get-up is indeed the belle of the ball. Fast forward, they all wake up the next morning dazed and confused...and Rachel is panicked to be in a draw in the hospital's morgue.
Uh oh...a masked man carrying a machete is following them. Then they meet Phillip (Evan Taylor Williams)...he doesn't fit in with the rave crowd, but he is the only one with a brain. Doesn't matter, they'll split up (always a good idea) and one by one fall victim to the machete and ax wielding maniac. Blood will flow freely and the gore will be steeped on high as the idiot ravers, obvious victims of the cruel George H.W. Bush Administration (that will be thrown in a lot), will be chased and cut by one. As the nubile and scantily clad Rachel keeps running and screaming in utter horror, our fiend seems to have some twisted method to his madness.
Just who is this masked fiend, and what does he have against ravers (other than the obvious stuff)? Who is this guy Phillip, and will he enjoy pre-marital sex with either Rachel or Clare? Is George H.W. Bush's 1000 Points of Light the true killer here (don't laugh...this film goes there)? It is terrific to see a modern day slasher film that utilizes machetes, axes, and throws gallons of blood at us. For a good time, ignore the social commentary and enjoy a good slasher film, "Rave Party Massacre."