Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Love After Death, Perversion from Argentina

From our buddies at Something Weird Video...we have a super weird one from Argentina.  Argentina!  The country should be a successful and productive one.  Unfortunately, their admiration for the idiotic Evita Peron and her husband has dragged their country into irrelevance and strife.  With Evita and Juan came an unholy alliance with Nazis and Communists...never works out well.  What else doesn't work out well are marriages between impotent dweebs and babe skanks...hence today's feature, 1968's "Love After Death" (aka "Unsatisfied Love"), directed by Glauco Del Mar.

Montel (Guillermo De Cordova) lays in wait inside a coffin in his castle.  He has died...apparently.  In reality, he suffers from bouts of Cataleptic fits...he appears dead.  His babe wife, Sofia (Carmin O'Neil) is having a love affair with Montel's doctor, Anderson (Roberto Maurano).  The two have conspired to bury him alive...and do just that.  Now Sofia is a rich widow and Anderson foolishly believes Sofia will marry him.  Uh oh...Montel awakes in the grave and digs himself out.  Now he is on the prowl and seeks revenge.  Uh oh again...Montel is a virgin...he has never been able to gain potency, shall we say.  Before returning to the castle for revenge, he needs to see if he can sow his wild oats.  He roams Argentina and jumps Argentinian vixens.  He'll haul them inside, knock them out, undress them...and try to have his way with them.

Initially, Monte's efforts are discouraging.  Then he sneaks into the bedrooms of babes and hides in closets to watch them undress.  He sees a lot of lesbian sex, doing this.  He is even invited by these babes to join the party...but this is too much for him.  Finally, he strikes it rich...fireworks!  Now, no longer a virgin, Montel is ready for revenge against Sofia and Anderson.  The two killers (or would be killers) are getting quite intimate.  Montel will have none of this and plans a final humiliation for them.  Meanwhile, Montel and his new found potency continue to sow wild seeds among Argentinian beauties.  Nudity and deviance will take over the plot until Montel is ready to enact his final humiliation on the two fiends who buried him alive.

Shouldn't Montel be thankful to Sofia and Anderson for finding a way to rid him of his impotency?  Are the babes of Argentina forever soiled by having deviant sex with a former corpse?  Is Argentina's ethos forever soiled by their worship of the foolhardiness and ego of Evita Peron?  This is a sordid tale with much deviance and nudity.  For a true sample of the types of films offered by Something Weird Video, see "Love After Death."



Sunday, January 29, 2023

Memorial Valley Massacre, Cave Man Murders Campers

The 1980s, as many of us think, may be the golden decade of slasher films.  This era began in the late 70s, actually, and continued through the mid-80s.  By 1988 or 1989 the quality of the films decreased.  Sure, comparing some of the offerings from 1988 or 1989 to "The Burning," or "My Bloody Valentine," is almost unfair.  Trying to find some new plot line after hundreds of slasher films came before was not easy.  With Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Halloween already taken in plots, trying to be semi-original caused movie makers to pick another holiday...like Memorial Day!"  Hence today's feature, from 1989, "Memorial Valley Massacre" (aka "Valley of Death"), directed by Robert Hughes.

Ah!  Memorial Day weekend has rolled around.  The campsite in Memorial Valley is prepping for a deluge of campers.  Ranger Webster (John Kerry) has a lot to do as someone seems to have sabotaged the running water and killed a construction worker.  He'll have help, Mr. Sangster (Cameron Mitchell), who owns the campgrounds, assigns his hunk son David (Mark Mears) to assist Webster.  David is a college boy and Webster does not like college boys.  The campers arrive by the hundreds.  Of note is a babe named Cheryl (Lesa Lee).  She's pretty irrelevant to the plot but does have pre-marital sex with David and looks really good.  Biker gangs, obnoxious families, horny teens, and a battle tested army general (William Smith) will be a sampling of the campers.

Uh oh...a caveman (Mark Caso) who does not like noise feels as if his turf has been invaded.  He'll kill to protect his land...and kill...and kill...and kill.  In fact, this film has one of the highest death counts of any film from the 80s.  The biker gang and their scooter trash will all be decimated.  Our caveman sets up bloody booby-traps and hunts any nubile lass giving off pheromones.  David continues to annoy Webster, and Cheryl loosens up nicely but says nothing intelligent.  Big explosions, wooden spikes, hunting daggers, and spears will help our caveman murder just about everyone.  Uh oh...Webster seems hesitant about calling the cops or putting together a hunting party to snare this fiend.  David soon realizes Webster knows more about the homicidal lunatic than he is letting on.

What does Ranger Webster know about the caveman?  Other than pre-marital sex in a tent, will Cheryl do anything worthy of advancing the plot of this film?  Will the caveman spare at least one nubile camper and...actually...never mind...the question was going in a prurient direction.  For a massive kill count and hunks and babes galore...see "Memorial Valley Massacre."   

Friday, January 27, 2023

Sins of Desire, Sexual Deviance and Homicide at a Sex Clinic

Tanya Roberts.  We all love her.  Still, we must all admit she doesn't make the top three list of our favorite "Charlie's Angels" babes.  This is perhaps unfair.  The writing for the show went down hill by the time she joined the cast.  I guess what I am saying is if she had a scene or two in which she seduced Cheryl Ladd or Jaclyn Smith, and they engaged in steamy sex...well...Tanya Roberts may have bolted to the top of our lists.  What could have been.  Tanya Roberts in a steamy lesbian sex scene!  Well...wonder no more.  Our friend Jim Wynorski was probably thinking the same thing.  Before a gratuitous catfight between Tanya Roberts and ultra-babe Delia Sheppard, the two vixens had that steamy sex scene.  Today we look at 1993's "Sins of Desire."

As our film opens, Dr. Scott Callister (John Henry Richardson) has drugged and raped his patient, Monica (Gail Thackery).  Poor Monica, she'll die because of it.  Scott runs a clinic for the sexually dysfunctional.  He loves raping his female patients.  Scott's wife, Jessica (Sheppard) also loves raping the female patients. The clinic's treatment methods may be saner than Dr. Fauci's but are still problematic.  Pam (Carrie Stevens), another patient, becomes suicidal and throws herself into oncoming traffic.  Now Kay (Roberts) is mad.  Pam was her sister.  She is determined to investigate the clinic and bring it down.  Also, with the same plan is private eye, and hunk, Barry (Nick Cassavetes).  See, Monica was also a P.I. and working with Barry. 


We see Jessica's treatment methods for impotence.  It consists of putting two frisky strippers in bed with middle-aged male men.  If all else fails, she'll jump into the bed, too.  Kay and Barry will begin working together and also having steamy pre-marital sex.  We'll see Jessica and Scott have marital sex...and boy is it steamy!  Now Barry and Kay are determined to sneak into the clinic and find evidence that will connect Jessica and Scott to the deaths of Pam and Monica.  To do this, Kay will have to seduce Jessica...and she will do a fine job of it.  The two will have quite the love scene.  Uh oh...Jessica and Scott are smart and homicidal.  They know Barry and Kay are snooping.  Machine guns, catfights, souped up jalopies, and neat lingerie will carry the second half of the film.

Would Tanya Roberts have knocked the living daylights out of Cheryl Ladd or Jaclyn Smith in a catfight?  After their ambitious catfight, will Kay and Jessica kiss and make-up?  Can anyone argue with Jessica's treatments for impotence?  You'll need a shower after this one.  For a prurient good time, see "Sins of Desire," and wonder what "Charlie's Angels" could have been with better writing.

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

The Dark is Death's Friend, Car Thief and Serial Killer imperil Euro-Babes

From Italy!!!  Yet another Giallo offering...thx to TubiTV's recommendations.  A serial killer being stupid! A cheating husband being stupid.  Car thieves being stupid!  Who suffers?  Sultry Euro-babes... this is after all Giallo.  The beautiful die so horribly in these...and they will in today's feature, too.  Alas...a cheating husband with a perfect plan...how do you think that will work out?  Today we look at 1975's "The Dark is Death's Friend," directed by Luigi Cozzi.

Hunk Giorgio (George Hilton) has a problem.  His Euro-babe wife, Norma (Tere Veleazquez) knows he's cheating.  She intends to cut him off from the family wealth.  Then Giorgi gets lucky...he storms out of the house and witnesses a serial killer (Antoine Saint-John) dump his latest Euro-babe victim in the harbor.  The opportunist Giorgio is, he approaches the fiend with a deal.  He will pay him a fortune to bump off Norma and make it look like a kidnapping.  Yeah...this'll work...right!  Our evil killer goes into the apartment and strangles the poor life out of Euro-babe Norma, puts her in the trunk of his car, and goes back inside to wipe off fingerprints.

Enter the frolicking young lovers, Luca (Alessio Orano) and the nubile Laura (Christina Galbo).  They steal the killer's car, with Norma in the trunk.  Now our killer pursues Laura and Luca...and Giorgio tries to play all sad to the police inspector (Eduardo Fajardo).  The horny Luca and Laura go for a joyride and our killer closes in on them in a car he has just stolen.  Yep...of course, he will catch up to them.  But wait!  Guess what!  Supreme Euro-babe, we'll refer to as ditzy blonde (as do the credits) played by Femi Benussi.  I won't tell you too much about her entrance and actions in what follows...but what a great character...and well stacked, too.  Pre-marital sex will follow...and you can guess by who with who.  Blood, gore, and rape will also ensue.  Alas, not all the babes will survive...but will any of the hunks?

So, will ditzy blonde and Laura engage in a catfight with lots of pulled hair and scratching?  Who will get more action, Luca or killer-guy?  Is an Italian named Giorgio, with impressive chest hair, capable of outsmarting Italy's police force?  Prurient all the way, this film is some nice Giallo.  For an alluring and vicious movie, see "The Dark is Death's Friend."   

Monday, January 23, 2023

Nine Guests for a Crime, Euro Babes and Hunks Die Horribly

Some Giallo today...always good.  This one had no tan lines!  Er...the actresses in this film had no tan lines.  They'll frolic, prance around nude or in very skimpy bikinis, just lounge about nude, and have a lot of extra-marital sex.  The hunks in this film will do the same, except their privates are covered up by nifty Italian swimwear.  Oh yes, they'll also die horribly.  So sad...the sexy will die so horribly as in all Giallo films.  But will anyone survive?  Should they?  Today we look at 1977's, from Italy, "Nine Guests for a Crime," directed by Ferdinando Baldi.

Michele (Massimo Foschi) is quite the hunk and married to quite the babe Carla (Sofia Dionisio)...she has no tan lines, if I haven't mentioned that.  Michele is a man, a European.  We can hardly expect him to be confined to one babe...so he is screwing his dad's new wife, too...Guilia (Caroline Laurence).  She has no tan lines and loves Michele more than the shriveled old fool who married her.  I should say the dad, Uberto (Arthur Kennedy) has taken his three sons and their hot wives to a private island for two weeks of sun and beach.  They all hate each other.  Also along is batty old Aunt Elisabetta (Dana Ghia) and her dozen loaded rifles.  The carnality begins right away.  Patrizia (Loretta Persichetti) is a babe, with no tan lines, who is sad because her tarot cards say "Death" all the time.

Michele and Giulia discuss how easy it would be if Carla and Uberto assumed room temperature.  Then Carla mysteriously drowns and Uberto is murdered in his bed.  Now everyone suspects them.  Oh yes, the crew of the yacht that mans the boat that brought our peeps to the island are murdered.  Now the bickering family are castaways.  One by one, the hunks and babes die horribly.  They still find time to engage in forbidden carnality and prance around showing their lack of tan lines.  Uh oh...Aunt Elisabetta comes out as a total whack-ball claiming a ghost of her former lover is committing the murder.  Uh oh again, the ghost is seen by the family members.  The ensuing murders are well done and the bickering husbands and wives seem incapable of putting their differences aside to survive.

Is there a catfight brewing between the hot wives?  Just who's ghost is this and what is his beef with the family?  Is batty old Aunt Elisabetta the evil psycho killer?  Heavy on the cheese and beef (no tan lines and nice abs), our film is a pleasing horror film with gory deaths and graphic extra-marital sex.  For a prurient selection on your evening movie queue, try "Nine Guests for a Crime."          


Saturday, January 21, 2023

A White Dress for Mariale, A Euro-trash Party Turned Bloody Orgy

Some Giallo from Italy today.  We meet a lot of hunks and babes and get to know them really well.  Sadly, even we pine for their bloody demises.  A twisted one we have today.  Perhaps a 2023 audience will not be as shocked as the 1972 audience this film originally played for.  Still, the ending is sensational...oh, why don't more movies end this same way?!  Our feature today is "A White Dress for Mariale," directed by Romano Scavolini.

Mariale (Evelyn Stewart), a hot Italian blonde, has lived her whole life in the family castle.  Uh oh...indications are she is messed up.  See, as a child she witnessed the murder/suicide of her dad and mom.  Her husband is the serious and sad looking Paolo (Luigi Pistilli).  He is not happy that Mariale has sent telegrams to all her friends to visit for the weekend.  The cads arrive.  Paolo tries to get rid of them, but to their misfortune, they remain.  With the group is an old love of Mariale's, Massimo (Ivan Rossimov) ...quite the hunk.  Also there is Semy (Shawn Robinson), a vixen who loves to dance around naked and have passionate sex with another babe guest, Mercedes (Pilar Velazquez).  Then a bunch of weird hunks who we hope will be put through a blender soon.

The orgy begins.  A masquerade party with dinner, obscene party games, and all kinds of sexual relations ensues.  Guess what enters the evening's activities next?  Yep...homicide.  The killings will be bloody.  There is enough insanity in every guest for everyone to be a suspect.  There will also be a horde of scorpions, snakes, vicious dogs, and steamy sex and blood.  One by one, guests get off the 'suspect list' by dying horribly.  You will probably figure out the real killer...but stay tuned...the ending is quite beautiful... in a gore-filled way.

Is Mariale the killer, or is that too easy?  Will either Mercedes or Semy engage in steamy relations with Mariale before assuming room temperature?  Is Massimo so stupid as to fall in love with a babe with obvious insanity issues?  Okay, I guess we can all ask that question to ourselves.  For bacchanal frivolity, gore, and steamy sex...see "A White Dress for Mariale."  

Thursday, January 19, 2023

Libido, Euro-Babes and Deadly BDSM

 You know this won't end well.  A movie called "Libido" in which Sigmund Freud is quoted during the opening credits.  Add in nubile Euro-babes...who never fare well when Freud is referred to.  Throw in a couple of hunks, a gun, lingerie, vicious bondage, and ghosts.  Yep, today we look at this 1965 film, from Italy, directed by Ernesto Gastaldi and Vittorio Salerno.  An erotic horror film with a deviant bent awaits us today.

Many years ago a BDSM sex-maniac gets too vicious in a role play and murders a sultry blonde who just happens to be tied up in his bed.  Happens.  His young son witnesses this and may be scarred for life.  Many years later, that son is the 25 year old hunk, Christian (Giancarlo Giannini).  He fears becoming like his dad, who is now dead (suicide...or so we think).  Accompanied by his really hot wife, Helene (Dominique Boschero), the two head back to the deserted mansion to get it ready for sale.  With them is Paul (Luciano Pigozzi), who is in charge of the trust that manages the estate.  When Christian turns 25 in a few days, Paul will sign the place over to him.  With Paul is hot blonde wife Brigitte (Mara Maryl).  Uh oh...Brigitte is the spitting image of the babe Christian's dad murdered during BDSM many years back.

Okay...the mansion is creepy and soon we see indications that Christian's dad is back as a ghost.  Now Christian believes he's losing it.  To make matters worse, Helene wakes with bruises and scratches.  She says Christian did it in his sleep...he does not remember.  Brigitte keeps prancing around in lingerie and negligees Practically begging Paul and Christian to tie her up and...well, you'll see.  Helene really wants to sleep with her husband but every time she does, her face gets marred with scratches.  Christian seems to descend into madness.  Now he believes Paul, Brigitte, and Helene are conspiring to commit him to an insane asylum and take control of the estate.  Our unsteady hunk won't go easily and finds a gun.  The dames find more revealing lingerie and negligees, and Paul looks really suspicious.  So what really is going on here?

Is Christian a lunatic who is becoming his dad or are his wife and friends conspiring against him?  Is Brigitte's proclivity to prance around in lingerie a death knell in Euro-trash films?  Will we see Brigitte and Helene, both clad in intimates, get into a catfight?  Okay, I withdraw that last question.  For an erotic thriller with Freudian undertones, see "Libido."