Mentally Apart, Love is not Enough

Expecting a virtual slap in the face from the star of "Mentally Apart" (the sultry Christine James Walker), I told her that her latest film was sort of what Roman Polanski's "Repulsion" would be if it decided to go pairs skating. I emerged un-bruised. Ah, true love! Alas, is it ever eternal? What if we could fall in love and the mystical forces that oversee us would open a portal to another dimension in which we could escape to with our lover? In that dimension our lives will concentrate on that true love. Uh oh...those portals aren't miniature and when they open, and we sashay through them...what else might sneak through. Our capacity to love...our capacity to cherish...our capacity to...well, you fill in the blank. Hence 2019's "Mentally Apart," a film that will clean up at the festivals, directed by Joe Pomarico.

They meet at a bar, Luna (Walker) and Chuck (Larry Bernardo) and go back to his place. Perfection (yeah, right!) follows. She's seduction personified and he's a potent man waiting for a landing strip. The fore-play is hot...really hot...and when she dances, oh my! True love (there's that phrase again) seems to have taken hold and as our lovebirds dive into each other, a natural progression begins...uh oh, so does a surreal progression. Watch closely...its all there, even though you will want to watch the vixen Luna. Chuck finds out Luna's existence is steeped in a desire to find that magical portal that brings them to the aforementioned realm which they will survive off their love. In the real world, this won't last. Complacency, weight gain, familiarity, and annoying habits will erode the intensity of this love. Chuck is deep...he doesn't want that...and now he has a gal who he can take through that portal.

Suffice it to say, this is a horror film. What follows Shangri La is something more sordid. Flashes of images and some cold doses of reality remind Chuck that the Nirvana he sought may not exist. Chuck is intense and he is determined to find it. The images get weirder...and more disturbed.
Every shot of Luna is one of seduction...but Chuck isn't seeing that seduction anymore. The flashes of images get more sordid and life in Chuck's apartment gets weird. From Romeo and Juliet to Eraserhead, this film seems to follow that progression. What seemed like a love story heading to ecstasy has us viewers in mortal fright as to what is about to happen.

"Mentally Apart" is a brilliant journey that commands more than one viewing. As the end credits approach, we realize that so many clues were left for us but we were so rapt in the love story, Luna's sensuality, and Chuck's intensity, that we missed them. Perhaps a warning that love is not enough...or maybe a more cryptic message about the dangers of this kind of love at first sight. Not the feel good film of 2019, but definitely a terrific horror/love story. The direction is masterful and Ms. Walker and Mr. Bernardo deliver intense performances that will pull you in and not let you go. See "Mentally Apart," and partake in a movie viewing experience that will put you through quite a work-out.
To view the trailer for "Mentally Apart" on YouTube click this: Mentally Apart Trailer

Tail Sting, Big Scorpions on a Plane

You gals will empathize with Courtney (Tara Price). The pretty karate girl seeks a guy who is mildly interesting and breathing. Unfortunately, on Oceanic Airlines Flight 1443, from Melbourne to LAX, she'll only meet losers, vampire/Goth wannabes, and monster bugs. Then there is sultry stewardess Patti (Jean Carol). She'll die horribly, so we won't mention her again. Oh yes, "Tail Sting" receives a rating of 2.3/10 on IMDB...elitist dweebs! This 2001 film, I think we can all agree, is better than any film released by the major studios in 2019.

Yep...in addition to the very pretty and perky Courtney, a team of scientists boards this flight to L.A. Yep again...they bring their experiment on board. Yep...the experiment gets loose and pretty soon there are a dozen monster scorpions ripping apart stewardesses. The buggers will go through the crew like crap through a goose, and then start on the passengers. The only surviving crew member is pilot Jack (Robert Merrill). He will be chased out of the cockpit by the queen bug. On the bright side, now that he is out of the cockpit he will fall in love with the blonde nubile scientist Jennifer (Laura Putney). As the film progresses they will make goo-goo eyes at each other and she will get increasingly less clothed.

Okay, Jennifer's ex-beau is also on the scientific team. He wants the scorpions alive as he is ready to sell them to some country as weapons. He has a gun so he calls the shots. As the passengers decrease in numbers and the demise of the pretty stewardess Patti ends coffee service, the chances of making it to L.A. seem dim. Now Jennifer and Jack share more tender moments and Jennifer turns into Ripley (you know, the chick from "Alien"). As Jack must maneuver the gun-toting ex-beau of Jennifer, and monster scorpions, he must also get back in the cockpit and maneuver the plane to L.A.

Courtney's Australian accent will win all you guys over, but so will the perky Jennifer as she sheds her garments. This is a fantastic big-bug-monster-movie with beefcake and cheesecake galore, though most of that cake will be eaten by insects. Will Oceanic Airlines Flight 1443 make it to L.A.? Will Jack and Jen survive and have pre-marital sex? Just how many garments will Jennifer shed? For some nifty bug fun on a flight that runs out of coffee, see "Tail Sting," directed by Paul Wynne.

Voices From Beyond, Maggot Infested Corpse Tells Tales

Nothing goes better than Lucio Fulci and maggot infested corpses...so sweet. So why not a story in which the maggot infested corpse is the protagonist that leads us through a maze of revenge and vengeance? Past his prime, and with his films losing their luster, the 1990s  aren't know as part of the Fulci-Era. Nonetheless, 1991's "Voices From Beyond" is an interesting and appropriately gory mystery with, I think, a neat ending.

Giorgio (Duilio Del Prete) dies. His demise is in a hospital bed as he violently coughs up blood. Uh oh...his ghost follows his corpse. He pleads with doctors, nurses, and coroners to find out how he died. His family is happy he's gone as they were all up to no good. His wife Lucia (Bettina Giovannini), who we see naked a lot, is having a lot of sex with their son Mario (Pascal Persiano). His mistress (Antonella Tinazzo), who we see naked a lot, was humiliated by him. His mom, Hilda (Frances Nacman, who mercifully we do not see naked, is just mean and cantankerous. No one can hear Giorgio's pleas from the other side until his beloved daughter Rosy (Karina Huff) arrives from college. We see Rosy naked a lot, having pre-marital sex or just for the heck of it.

Rosy hears her dad's pleas and begins investigating. Everyone has a motive. Uh oh again, Giorgio's time as a ghost is limited and he will be no more when his body finishes decomposing. Instead of a clock, we see this time elapse as Fulci keeps showing the corpse, with an ever increasing cadre of maggots, inside the coffin. As Rosy snoops she finds deviance and motives and has horrific visions which give her clues. As Giorgio's spirit cries out in increasing desperation, Rosy becomes more bold in her investigation.

If Giorgio finds out who killed him...what will he do then? Can Giorgio see Rosy nude from the other side of the grave? If so, we can understand why he chose his beloved daughter...wait...that's gross! Who did kill Giorgio...and how? This is a Lucio Fulci film so the gore is gratuitous...and this is an Italian horror film, thus the nudity is gratuitous. The plot will contain some icky deviance and you may need a shower after watching "Voices From Beyond."

The Curse of the Living Corpse, A Deadly Will

What was that famous Roy Scheider movie quote? Let's see...We're gonna need a bigger crypt? Nah...was it...we're gonna need a bigger coffin? Maybe not...perhaps it was...we're gonna need a bigger tomb? Something like that. In a tale of the dead returning and vengeance inflicted on some great looking, but deceitful, family members, we will look at 1964's "The Curse of the Living Corpse," directed by Del Tenney, and starring Roy Scheider.

Rufus Sinclair, an evil rich guy, has finally died and his wife and sons are ecstatic. The old geyser leaves a wealthy estate, but with conditions...of course. The evil fiend, who feared being buried alive, mandated that precautions be made in case he wakes up in his tomb after the funeral. The ungrateful heirs disregard these. Uh oh...the failure of his heirs to adhere to these wishes means he will rise and mete out deaths akin to their greatest fears. Bruce (Robert Mill) the oldest son, steeped in vanity is promised a death that will disfigure his face. Philip (Roy Scheider), the youngest son, is promised a choking death. Abigail (Helen Waren) the widow is promised death by fire...you get the picture.

As Bruce plots securing his inheritance, he takes the nubile and frisky maid, Letty (Linda Donovan) into his dad's tomb for pre-marital sex (I know, a hopeless romantic is he). This won't sit well with Rufus as he be-heads Letty after Bruce departs. When Letty's unattached head shows up on the breakfast platter, the family realizes Rufus may be alive. Uh oh, Philip's sultry and two-timing wife, Vivian (Margot Hartman) has a fling with Bruce and will witness the disfigurement of Bruce's handsome face. Now she knows they are all being hunted. More deaths will occur and it seems apparent that Rufus has indeed returned. Fire, quicksand, and a sword will inflict other-worldly justice on some arrogant and spoiled heirs. As the family dwindles in number, and Vivian disrobes for a gratuitous and perilous bath, Rufus, or his ghost, arrive at the manor-estate for a final attack.

Is the killer really the deceased, or thought to be deceased Rufus, or is there something else going on here? Will the sultry and adulterous Vivian suffer the same fate as the Sinclair clan, even though she is not a direct decedent? Is this film merely a thinly veiled  metaphor for the archaic and over-burdensome inheritance laws that plague those with claims at probate? This is a fun one and the handsome and beautiful will die horribly. For some classic who-done-it and why, enjoy "The Curse of the Living Corpse."

Amityville: A New Generation, Artists and Demons

Renaissance Era Italian monk, Jean de Richeleau is famous for saying "Vanity is the pathway to possession." What a better lead in to a film about a mirror spreading demonic possession through a building housing young artists. Okay, I just made all of that up, but we do have a neat one about a mirror that does indeed spread the evils of the Amityville mass murder. Today we delve into 1993's "Amityville: A New Generation." You guys and gals will each be pleased as we have some nice beefcake and cheesecake, though some won't fare terribly well, I'm afraid.

Keyes (Ross Partridge) is a struggling artist, and very unlikable. As is true in real life, the unlikable losers have hot girlfriends, enter Llanie (Lala Sloatman). She adores him and has a lot of pre-marital sex with the loser. Also living in the apartment building is Suki (Julia Nickson), an Asian babe who we like a lot. Richard Roundtree also lives here, but we won't mention him again. Uh oh, a weird homeless man gives Keyes a mirror. Yep, unbeknownst to the loser Keyes, this mirror is from the Amityville House and it saw the famous mass murder. Now the mirror will possess some of the artists, one at a time and lead them to a gruesome demise.

Sadly, Suki takes a liking to the mirror and it makes her a nymphomaniac (yes!!!) deviant artist. She'll paint lots of demons and be tricked into hanging herself. The landlord, Dick (David Naughton) is sad because the possessed Suki just gave him the best sex he will ever have. Okay, as Llanie keeps giving Keyes a lot of pre-marital sex, Keyes begins to find out about his mysterious past. Yep, he is the son of a mass murderer and seems destined to commit mass murder, too...this will put Llanie in much peril. Llanie comes up with a really stupid idea to break Keyes' cursed destiny, but because she is so hot...we excuse her. As the demons seem to take more control of Keyes, Llanie and the other artist tenants, seem to be destined for a similar fate as the previous victims in the Amityville House.

Can Llanie's idea, however stupid, free Keyes from his homicidal destiny? Is there another film idea out there that could better utilize the character of Suki, the Asian-babe, nympho, suicidal hot-mess? If Keyes is saved by the aforementioned stupid idea, will the smoking hot Llanie dump him for someone with earning potential? This is actually a good horror film with a superb cast (acting wise and allure-wise). For some neat possession horror fun and scares, see "Amityville: A New Generation."

I Eat Your Skin, A Man's Man Fights Zombies

He is what we all wish we were. He's a hunk...in the true sense of the word. He seduces bikini babes on a full time basis, caressing them with his tales of carnal passion. His hands are all over these nubile babes and they practically throw their almost naked bodies at him. They giggle and coo as his hands slip up their garments and eagerly await his lips on their lips. Aren't we fortunate this type is no longer with us. Women must be cheering that the 2019 version of a hunk wears pink dress shirts, primps with hair gel, adorns with cuff-links and maybe an earring...and most of all, isn't afraid to cry. Boy, have we come a long way...no wonder women are waiting longer to get married. Hence 1971's "I Eat Your Skin."

Novelist Tom Harris (William Joyce) woos bikini babes and sexually molests them by a swimming pool at a Miami hotel. The babes love it...how backwards they are! As his hands caress their bodies and as his lips meet theirs, he is interrupted by his publisher, Duncan (Dan Stapleton). Duncan then brings Tom to a Caribbean island where a mad scientist is working to create a cure for cancer. Cures for cancer always have side effects and in this case, the side effects make natives into bug-eyed zombies. He reaches the island and meets a sultry skinny dipper, Jeannine (Heather Hewitt). This babe...er, woman, I mean...is the mad-scientists daughter and is being stalked by these zombies. Tom will save her and the two will fall in love.

Tom determines that Jeanine needs to be rescued and immediately has pre-marital sex with her. As the natives get restless for a babe to sacrifice (I guess they don't need a virgin), they make a move for the nubile, often naked Jeannine. Snakes, goat blood, and machetes are readied and voodoo schmucks begin banging drums and dancing as Tom leads an escape party to flee the island. Too late, the voodoo hordes and zombies get Jeanine, prep her, and now Tom must lead a rescue party.

Will hunk Tom be able to save the often nude skinny-dipping Jeannine? What is Jeannine's mad scientist dad's relationship to the voodoo tribes and bug-eyed zombies? Are we better off that hunks like Tom have been eliminated from the gene pool in 2019 western civilization? As current studies find that women are finding it harder and harder to meet guys...perhaps a viewing of "I Eat Your Skin" may shed some light as to the reasons why. Directed by Del Tenney, "I Eat Your Skin" is a great reminder of how great this country once was.

Plaguers, Space-Babes vs. Space-Zombies

There exists a small number of perfect plot lines. Here's one: Four sultry space pirates, dressed in stewardess outfits which include silver go-go boots, hijack another spaceship, which also has space-babes, and end up in a war against mutant space-zombies. Yes! Do you really need to know anymore? There will be a ravishing nympho-psycho pirate into torture, a Rhona Mitra look-a-like pirate, and a nubile blonde space captain bent on saving her ship from the evil babes and the evil zombies. Hence 2008's "Plaguers."

The aforementioned nubile blonde, Holloway (Alexis Zibolis), has taken over as captain after the death of her fiance captain (don't worry, he'll emerge later). She's inexperienced and when a distress signal comes in from the USS Diana, she bites. Babes radio Holloway's ship begging for help. Holloway docks with the ship...mistake! Oh yes, Holloway's ship is transporting an unknown energy source, a green glowing orb. Another big mistake. The four dames are rescued and feign a sob story of violation and mayhem. Kyra (Noelle Perris...the Rhona Mitra look-a-like) heads the stewardess-pirates and soon they rise-up. First they tie up beautiful ship medic Landon (Maija Polsley)...this is unfortunate as this beauty is about to become anything but beautiful.

The four pirates cage the crew and the orb begins infecting babes. Sadie (Paige La Pierre) is eager to carve up the crew...and to have pre-marital sex with them. Uh oh, as the orb pulsates, Nola (Stephanie Skewes), clad in her stewardess outfit and silver boots, is surprised by a crew member and pushed into the orb. Nola will emerge a grotesque zombie, impervious to bullets. She infects some more and when pretty medic Landon is infected, the zombie population increases. Now the crew survivors must unite with Kyra's pirate-stewardesses in order to isolate the zombies (this won't work), and fight off their increasing numbers. The gals have one trick up their sleeves (or inside their go-go boots), Steve Railsback! He plays an android, immune to zombie bites. This might not be enough as Kyra and her diminishing gang never play fair...even when zombies attack.

Yes, you guessed it...there will be a great cat-fight between Kyra and Holloway. Will Kyra and Holloway be able to put their differences aside and work to defeat the space-zombies? Will nympho-psycho Sadie leave anyone alive to have pre-marital sex with? Just what is this orb and why is it on Holloway's ship? There will be some gratuitous gore, gratuitous cat-fights, and fanged zombies oozing black gunky slime out of their mouths. Do you really need anything more in a movie. "Plaguers" is as close to horror/exploitation perfection as you will find. Written and directed by Brad Sykes, "Plaguers" will satisfy you on so many levels.