Fantasies, Suzanne Pleshette in Peril

Suzanne Pleshette!  Though never naked in this one, she is quite the babe. With some smart business attire, or maybe some shiny undies, the beauty with the gravely voice and the shiny lips gives a nice and alluring performance of a damsel in great peril in the ABC TV's movie premiering on January 18, 1982. Her character isn't likable, but because she is quite the babe, we are pulling for her. Let us look at "Fantasies" (aka "Studio Murders"), directed by William Wiard.

Carla (Pleshette) is a TV soap opera writer who has created the adult soap opera "Middletown USA." Think "Peyton Place" meets "Dynasty." Carla is a cold blooded studio exec who has no qualms about killing off characters or writing young actors and actresses out of her show. Then, one by one, the leads in her TV show get murdered in real life. Take a hiatus? No! The show must go on! Using clever writing, no one is missed and other villains are created. Detective Flynn (Barry Newman) is on the case and tries to convince the president of the network, Mr. Girard (Robert Vaughn), to pause the show, but he's all numbers, ratings, and bottom lines. Carla then has a brilliant idea.  She takes the female lead, an actress (Robin Mattson) and turns her from nubile damsel into villain. The actress is impaled that night while making love to her husband...in real life. Flynn and Carla fall in love and Carla tells her ex-husband John (Patrick O'Neil) to get lost.

Suspects? A ton. Enter Roy (Stuart Damon). He starred in the soap until Carla cut him out of the plot. He's still angry and would love to murder Carla. Too easy? Probably. Flynn runs all  the suspects and they all have alibis.  Carla will strip to her undies and try on some clothes...get attacked in her bedroom and the department store, and Flynn will have no luck putting a case together. Pre-marital sex will occur between Flynn and Carla, and the steamy and prurient soap will continue.

Is Flynn, the suave detective, the killer? Should Carla and her stupid soap opera survive?  Is there a chance that ratings will kill the soap before the killer kills Carla? This is a steamy one and the reveal is just as prurient and maniacal as the plot of "Middleton USA."  Enjoy Suzanne Pleshette, and a shiny shade of lipstick she wears throughout the film, and see "Fantasies."

She Devil, From Charity Case to Trollop

Yep, pure trollop. You divorced guys out there will be able to relate to this one. All women, deep down, are trollops! They smile and wriggle their butts at you, and you're hooked.  Then they turn. Yep turn into... trollops! Today we have a "Frankenstein" type story, complete with a mad scientist who falls in love with his creation. Let us look at the sultry Mari Blanchard film from 1957, "She Devil," directed by Kurt Neumann. BTW..."Trollop" is a term used quite freely in this film.

She's not a trollop yet. Nope, now Kyra (Blanchard) is on a hospital bed, dying. Enter the brilliant and handsome Dr. Scott (Jack Kelly). He has created a serum that cures...everything! Broken bones, paralysis, tuberculosis, gashes to the skin, PMS...you name it. He convinces the head of the hospital, Dr. Bach (Albert Dekker), to allow him to use the serum on the lovely dying dame. He does, cures her, and instantly falls in love with her. She is quite the looker. Kyra thanks them and turns evil immediately. As she robs an old man and a department store, Kyra realizes she can now change her appearance at will. The black haired beauty is now blonde, and now Scott loves her even more...sap! Kyra tells the two doctors that she will do anything she has to to secure great wealth and good clothes. The guys then realize the serum has made her a...trollop!

At a ritzy party to raise funds for the new hospital, Bach and Scott invite rich people and Kyra. Kyra sets her sights on Barton (John Archer) and his money. Uh oh...Barton's wife (Fay Baker) slaps Kyra and calls her a trollop. Yep...catfight ensues and the trollop murders the socialite dame...leaving Barton a widower. Now Kyra sets her sights on marrying the millionaire...then...well you can figure it out. Scott, who loves the trollop...well, she is Mari Blanchard...wants her back and tries to reason with the devil woman. She scoffs at Scott and becomes a deadly femme-fatale.  Carnage will be left in her wake and now Scott and Bach realize they need to act to destroy the devil they have created.

Is Kyra a metaphor for any pretty dame out there...nubile and pure one moment...trollop and evil the next? If a devil woman looked like Mari Blanchard, would we be the same suckers Dr. Scott and Dr. Bach were? Just how does a mad scientist get rid of the creation that has become smarter than he? This is an alluring one and Ms. Blanchard's performance is seductive and captures the camera any time she is in a scene. See "She Devil" and be seduced by a trollop that can stir your juices at will. 

Shark Evil, Big Shark vs. Asian Babes

Chinese babes, to be more specific. Yep, the Chinese actresses look great in bikinis, or other swimwear, or tight SCUBA suits...and sadly, some look terrific being eaten by a big Great White. Of note, Fan Dong and Xiaoxuan Wei. Not household names here, but in China? Yep, they'll make billions forget about Mao...or Chiang Kai-shek. Who? Never mind.  The Chinese have made a shark film, that isn't preachy, and throws babes aplenty at us. Hunks? Sure, they're in this too. Let us look at 2023's "Shark Evil" directed by the Frank Capra of Asia, Huanxiang Chen.

Yu Fei (Dong)...babe! Sad babe. She's arranging a party on her yacht. Engagement party for her bestie Tong Yan (Wei) and Wu Liang (Xin Zer Tan). Problem, Yu Fei was once in love with Wu...who wasn't. More drama, Zhang Yi (Xin Cai) arrives with his new GF...the TV spokesmodel Li Qing (Ziling Huang). She's totally superficial but we like her because she looks great in a swimsuit. Yu Fei feels awkward.  She doesn't have a date and everyone else is smooching and feeling one another up.  The good sport that she is, Yu Fei puts on a nice shiny SCUBA suit and all go out into the ocean. The lovebirds, Wu and Tang Yan go jet skiing, while Yu Fei, the spokesmodel, and Zhang Yi go diving. Uh oh...the Great white comes to the divers.  The lovebirds on the jet ski? They find a derelict fishing vessel.

The horror begins. Sadly, our supermodel won't fare well...sad. Mao would have shed a tear, too. Wu and Tong Yan explore the ghost vessel only to find out its horrific past. The shark now, with a supermodel in its belly, wants dessert. The beautiful will be put through the Great White ringer, and the hunks will be forced to show they are not useless.  The former besties, Yu Fei and Tong Yan will be thrown back together to either reconcile and fight the fish...or die. The babes will get pretty inventive as death gets closer.  The fish seems unstoppable.  It'll ultimately be babes vs. monster shark.  Hopefully the babes will have a better track record than the Chinese armed forces.

Will any babe survive to the end credits?  Will any of the hunks in this film do anything even remotely useful? Is there a catfight brewing between the Yu Fei in her SCUBA suit and Tong Yan in her swimsuit? This is a good one.  Cheese and beef are aplenty as the monster shark seeks to eat both. For a terrific shark film, and the one film that captures the ethos of China through the ages, see "Shark Evil."

The Snow Demon, Idiots vs. the Monster

Go monster! From the United Kingdom we have a stirring film about a creature that haunts the frozen tundra of the United Kingdom. Go with it. Sure, the protagonists are silly and annoying, but our demon, or monster, or Yeti, or whatever it is, will be unmerciful. Today we look at 2026's "The Snow Demon," directed by Dominic Nutter.

As our film begins, Lila (Jenny Miller), a babe, is chased through a kind of snowy landscape by a... well... a snow demon.  This grouchy looking monster that looks like a big coyote that stands on its hind legs, is probably as annoyed by the babe as we will be at her friends, that will come look for her.  Demon wins. It claws Lila apart and eats her...just like a man who has had too much to drink at a frat party. One year later, her buddies come to the isolated part of these woods where she was last seen.  They stay at the same cabin they stayed at last year when Lila wandered away not to be seen again. Emma (Francesca Weir) has the brilliant idea that all of them will light candles to show Lila's spirit the way home. Harper (Belle Taylor) is a thin Goth-wannabe who doesn't quite buy this 'show her the way home' strategy. Jade (Gina Smith) has a secret which once revealed will make us yawn. Rhea (Jessie Vinning)...well, she's there too. Oh, Rowan (Ben Maddocks)! He needs a dose of manhood and to stop hanging out with a scrapbooking crowd.

The snow begins to fall and Harper goes for a jog. She meets a folklorist, Owen (Ronny Mendoza) and then watches him get eaten by the demon. She runs back to the cabin in shock, and Rowan takes Jade, or is it Emma, and goes out to see what scared Harper...he'll find it...to his dismay. Now the gals who are left, which include the catatonic Harper, must batten down the hatches of the cabin and survive. Jade sort of takes the lead...and all her ideas are ridiculous.  The demon-thing seems to have the advantage in this war and will end up eating well. Then, as their ranks thin, Jade comes up with more bad plans.

Will any of the babes survive the wrath of this coyote-like thing?  Will these candles ever get lit?  Is there a man around who has some ounce of masculinity that could come by and save the gals and kill the fiendish demon-thing? This is a fun one, in a MST3K sort of way.  See "The Snow Demon" and see just how far the U.K. has fallen under Keir Starmer, or this new Andy Burnham guy.

The Black Demon, Senor Shark

Okay, maybe I have been a bit too cranky of late.  Still, I have to confess...we have another film in which I'm cheering for the monster. Unlikable characters? Yep...but the preachy tone of this one really turns us against the idiots who will be beset by a 200 foot long shark. Oh, as in many modern shark films, homage will be paid to "Jaws" with the classic line, "I got no spit." Of all the lines...but again, I know I'm a bit too grouchy of late. Let us look at the big shark film from 2023, that no one has seen (big surprise there), "The Black Demon," directed by Adrian Grunberg.

The Baja coast of Mexico.  Hopefully soon to be the America Coast of the United States, is suffering as all its fishing villages are destitute. Cartels? No!  See, a giant demon god has been woken up after an American oil company's oil rig has leaked. Now the demon shark monster is inflicting carnage on all responsible. Enter the  oil company scientist Paul (Josh Lucas). He is assigned to inspect the rig and close it down.  With him are his insufferable family, a Mexican babe wife Ines (Fernanda Urrejola), and two snotty kids (Carlos Solorzano and Venus Ariel). Oh the horrors created by the inane idea of "Bring Your Kids to Work Day." Yep, don't ask, but the family ends up in the rig with Paul...and they are annoying. Everyone on the rig is now in the sea in many pieces.  Only two are left on the rig, the machete wielding Chato (Julio Cesar Cedillo) and Junior (Jorge Jimenez).

Paul is told that because the rig has ruined the environment, the big shark has been sent by some obscure god to wreak vengeance on any human that has ruined the environment. Yawn. The shark attacks the rig with hopes of bringing it down.  Paul and Chato work to secure the rig, get the power back on, and contact someone on shore to come rescue them. Ines and the kids get in the way of the plot and serve to slow it way down...as the kids do at work in those insufferable "Bring Your Kids to Work Days" do. The shark keeps attacking and also eating any boat that could rescue the family and the two Mexican brutes. Feeling guilty about ruining the environment, Paul works to save everyone on board, even his lead weight of a family, and also to bring to light what his oil company has done to the waters off Baja...which we will call the America Coast.  Go ahead say it!  

Will Paul be able to save his family or will the big shark, mercifully, eat them all?  If Mexico refuses to clean up the drug cartels, should anyone feel bad about some leaked oil on the America coast? Will the demon shark take Paul's family as a sacrifice to stop terrorizing the rig?  We can only hope. This is a fun one and big shark movies always have appeal.  For a fun viewing experience, practice saying "America Coast" and see "The Black Demon."

The Flying Serpent, The Reptile-Bird-Vampire Thing

We have been asking for this our whole lives. A definitive movie about Montezuma's Revenge. When the Aztecs go down to defeat at the hands of savages, they no doubt conjure up some of their gods. Enter Quetzalcoatl. Humongous and thunderous creature?  As big as Godzilla or Rodan?  Breathes fire? Well, not quite. Special f/x budgets don't always allow the vengeful gods that we actually need. Let us look at the 1946 film "The Flying Serpent," directed by Sam Newfield.

Professor Forbes (George Zucco) is an evil archaeologist who is into cultural appropriation. He finds the Aztec temple that houses the great god, or at least pretty good god, Quetzalcoatl.  We'll call this deity Q. Yep, in the middle of New Mexico he has excavated Montezuma's lost city and found Montezuma's hidden treasure. Now he wants it all for himself. When anyone gets close to his secret, he lets Q loose from his cage to go kill him. Q? Yep, big bird, though not too big. Maybe five feet long. The bird attacks the necks of Forbes' enemies and drinks their blood, then flies back to the cage. Enter investigative reporter Richard Thorpe (Ralph Lewis). He flies in from New York when he hears about all these ripped apart peeps people in New Mexico. He even begins romancing Forbes' stepdaughter, Mary (Hope "Delayed Disappointment" Kramer). They get real sweet on one another.

Forbes senses Richard is getting at the truth.  Richard is, and now our reporter from NYC figures Forbes is murdering all his competitors. Forbes gets reckless and even has his god-bird murder the cops and other media types who are interested in this story. Richard is fearless and Mary is now in love with him. Sensing Mary can be a big help to Richard in uncovering the truth, Forbes now sets his sights on setting Q on the lovely damsel.

Will Richard be able to protect Mary from the vampire-bird-god?  Will Forbes ever overestimate the loyalty of this underwhelming deity?  If the Aztecs were anywhere as powerful as we're told, why did they just disappear into nothing?  Instead of finding a virgin sacrifice to attend, see "The Flying Serpent" for some terrific B monster movie fun. 

Grizzly Attack, Bear vs. Grouches

Go bear! Yep, another one in which we are rooting for the creature.  In this gritty realistic horror flick, a monster grizzly bear terrorizes a campsite in...the United Kingdom! Just go with it.  In a film that makes us pine for the days of MST3K with Joel and the 'bots, we have the most unlikable characters and a CGI bear. There will be honey.  There will be paint.  There will be bickering.  There will be kerosene and grief. Let us look at 2026's "Grizzly Attack," directed by Peter Borak.

A family grieves the loss of dad. After a few minutes we realize dad was lucky to die in order to get away from this family. Margaret (Jodyanne Richardson) is the mom. She has this look on her face that we just want to smack. Anna (Holly Mae Jackson) is the teen daughter that shows us all why young men have stopped dating in favor of porn. Then there is son David (Jack Hyde). He yells a lot. Then there is son Ethan, who is really stupid and we pray he gets eaten first. Yep, this family heads to the woods to stay in a cabin and remember dad. They bicker the entire time. Then the bear show up.

The bear is a grizzly and has a soft moan and even the CGI can't make it look scary. Our fear is that it may lose interest in this family and let them live. Fortunately the bear does attack and one by one eats these grouches. I will say there is a fiery death scene that really does warm out hearts. Plans for survival? They come up with them. What they are is a mystery and won't work. The bear keeps coming back . Anna keeps waxing poetic and lets us know the cabin smells of old firewood and regret. Later she lets us know it smells like grief and kerosene. Hopefully, Anna smells like dinner for the bear.

Do any of these family members survive the wrath of the CGI bear...and should they? Will Anna give her nose a rest and actually try to figure out some plan that has some level of intelligence behind it? Will the bear wipe the mom's stupid grin off her face, or wipe the entire face off? This is a fun one in a MST3K type of way. Hey, it's better than anything Harrison Ford has done over the past 40 years. See "Grizzly Attack," and cheer at the carnage.