Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Slumber, Maggie Q vs The Demon

Okay, today she isn't a sultry assassin.  She isn't a secret agent.  Not even a baddie clad in a cat-suit and black boots.  Maggie Q graces us today as a sleep doctor, though still as alluring as ever.  No sleep doctor has ever worn six-inch heels as nicely as Maggie Q.  Today we look at 2017's "Slumber," directed by Jonathan Hopkins.  Be warned, this is a scary one with some really icky scenes.

When she was a little girl Alice (Maggie Q) witnessed the death of her brother.  Her brother sleepwalked and suffered from night terrors and swore a demon was pursuing him.  Today she is a sleep doctor, still haunted by the visions (dreams) of her brother's death.  Enter a family of four.  They have the same problem.  Sarah (Kristen Bush) and Charlie (Sam Troughton) need help.  The entire family has nightmares and their little son Daniel (Lucas Bond) is at the center of it.  Both parents believe something enters their rooms during the nightmares and seeks to take Daniel.  

Alice sets them up for sleep analysis.  She wires them up at the hospital and sits back and watches.  What happens during observation is horrifying.  Now Alice realizes what killed her brother is the same phenomena that seeks Daniel.  Her family and colleagues believe her crazy.  Now Alice is obsessed in helping this family, and perhaps relieving the demons in her own life.  The demon seems to get stronger and the nightmares get stronger.  The sleepwalking family are put in more peril.  As the film goes on scenes that will have you turning your head from the screen will be common.  Icky and suggestive, this film has gore and jumps.

Will Alice be able to fight off this nightmare demon and save the family?  What in Alice's past makes her uniquely qualified to battle this nightmare demon?  Even though she plays a doctor, would any of us have objected if the movie makers still dressed her up in a tight cat-suit with high-heeled leather boots?  The ending will be a shocker and very disconcerting.  If you don't mind seeing the sultry Maggie Q beset, see "Slumber," which is a film that will give you nightmares.   

Sunday, August 1, 2021

The Mill, A Slasher and Creepy Crawlies

Okay, sure!  Our feature today is your standard run of the mill (pun! Sorry!) slasher film.  A lot of hunk and babe college kids partying at a closed down location on a Friday night when a slasher begins taking them out.  Yep, there will be some twists, perhaps a bit too telegraphed beforehand.  Still...this is a good one.  It has something a little extra.  A vague and menacing backstory and rats...snakes...spiders and other creepy crawlies.  Today we look at 2008's "The Mill" (directed by Grainger Hines).

I won't mention the first several minutes of this film so as not to give spoilers that will telegraph the twists at the end...but you'll pick right up on them.  Six hunks and babes decide to have a party at an abandoned mill.  Uh oh...they need the nerd Nick (Robert Rainbolt).  Nick's dad owns the property and Nick can get a key.  To get Nick on board, the beautiful people need to find him a date, enter the nerdette Cari (Blaire Welch). Okay, now eight enter the mill.  Shawn (Austin Hines) and Amber (Tiffany LeShai McMinn) will be the first to pair up for pre-marital sex.  Whitney (Leah Marie Parker) and Jesse (Austin James) will follow close behind.  Madison (Kelly Ray) and Kyle (Catori Swann) will also follow, leaving Nick and Cari alone.

Okay, Nick slips Cari some roofies and the results will be sadly predictable.  While in the throes of pre-marital sex, our four couples will incur the wrath of a mysterious slasher.  Yep, meat hooks, knives, blunt objects and creepy crawlies will decimate our hunks and babes in all sorts of forms of nakedness.  There will even be a snake bite on the tally-whacker scene.  One by one, the beautiful will fall.  Gratuitous spider scenes will give you the creepy crawlies as now attack dogs enter the fray.  Who will be left and who is doing the carnage?  Watch the film.

So what is the deal with Nick and his supply of roofies, is he really the nerd his buddies think he is?  How about Cari?  She is awfully hot to be a nerdette.  What did these hunks and babes do to incur the wrath of the slasher and his creepy crawlies?  When the end credits roll you will be itching at imaginary insects on your torso.  Standard fare? Yes...but well worth the watch.  For a slasher good time, see "The Mill." 

Friday, July 30, 2021

Body, Three Dames in Need of an Alibi

Murder.  Do you have what it takes to commit murder?  Even more important...do your buddies you hang out with have what it takes to murder?  How about getting away with it?  Living the rest of your life knowing you are a murderer, can you do it?  Today we have a film about three attractive young ladies who might or might not have what it takes.  We'll find out by the end credits and the answer may surprise you.  Our feature today is 2015's "Body," directed by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen.

Three babes are winding down at a Christmas party.  Holly (Helen Rogers), Cali (Alexandra Turshen), and Mel (Lauren Molina) are basically nice gals.  After some weed and alcohol, Cali wants to spice up the evening.  She brings her buddies to her uncle's mansion.  Her uncle is away for a couple months and she figures they will party in a mansion on this Christmas Eve.  What could go wrong?  Yep...Larry Fessenden arrives.  See, it isn't really her uncle's place and Arthur (Fessenden) is keeping an eye on the place while the real owners are gone.

Then...well, everything goes south.  The gals get scared at what they figure is an intruder and panic.  A collision in a dark hallway occurs and Arthur falls down the stairs and is paralyzed from the neck down.  Now Cali, Holly, and Mel have to figure out if they should call the cops or let Arthur die.  Uh oh...Arthur doesn't seem to be dying, he's just paralyzed.  Cali has a brilliant idea that will leave no witnesses...can you guess what it is?  Holly is disgusted at her friend.  Mel could go either way.  Cat-fights ensue and poor Arthur just lays there listening to the deliberations.  Then!  Well, you'll see.  You may be surprised who the real murderers at heart are.  

Not the feel good film of 2015 but it will make you wonder what your buddies are capable of.  What will be Arthur's ultimate fate?  Is Cali's homicidal plan really an easy way to avoid arrest and prosecution?  Will any of the cat-fights lead to carnage?  Interesting and grim, "Body" is a neat film that will convince you never to lie or do something you shouldn't...at least for an hour or two.    

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Fatal Flip, Psycho Fixer Upper

Chip and Joanna Gaines may not endorse our film today, but all you guys, forced to watch HGTV with your wives may see something here you like.  Whereas "Fixer Upper" may have to deal with rotted support beams and popcorn ceilings, our feature today deals with a psycho handyman seeking to murder and rape.  So now we take a look at 2014's "Fatal flip" (directed by Maureen Bharoocha and Ellen Huggins) and stars one of my favorite actresses, Dominique Swain.

Alex (Swain) and Jeff (Michael Steger) have quit a high-powered firm to realize a dream.  The non-married lovers seek fortune without the help of corporate America, by flipping old properties.  They find one and it is a 1870 Colonial.  Unwisely the lovers agree to a 45 day deadline.  Immediately they see the short deadline is unrealistic.  Enter the hunk Nate (Mike Faiola)...who doesn't like to button his shirt.  He befriends the duo and is invited to move in and help them reach the deadline.  He is hot for Alex...and Alex may be hot for him.  Soon Alex' boyfriend and best friend, Roslyn (Tatyana Ali) see Alex may be a bit of a tease when Nate is around...we actually see that too.

Uh oh...Nate is a psycho killer.  He'll hammer the realtor to death just because she asked one too many questions...I know, we've all done that.  Nate has a proclivity for brutal murder, which we see, and a fatal attraction to the tease Alex.  He appears to be a godsend as the duo is back on schedule until Nate tries to murder Jeff...darn, he survives.  Now the duo must depend on Nate even more.  When the pretty Roslyn falls for Nate she begins to do some research...what she finds out is horrific...too bad she'll die horribly.  Now with Jeff convalescing, it is Alex and Nate finishing the flip...and Nate gets more aggressive.  There will be a panty in the toolbox scene (she is a tease), and an alluring bath scene.  Nail guns, hammers, sledgehammers, and plastic tarp abound as our psycho moves in on the perky Alex.

Will the useless Jeff ever stop convalescing and win back Alex and finish the flip?  Can we blame Alex for drooling over the handyman with the impressive pecs?  Are gratuitous bath scenes what is missing from much of the fare on HGTV, that may make us guys watch more?  Dominique Swain is alluring and perky and she captures the screen marvelously. See "Fatal Flip" and then try to imagine HGTV's "Fixer Upper" with more carnage and bath scenes.   

Monday, July 26, 2021

The Nurse, Sultry Psycho in White

Hockey fans may know Willa Ford as Mandy Modano, Mike Modano's now ex-wife.  Horror fans may know her as the sexy and unfortunate water skier in the 2009 "Friday the 13th" remake.  The sultry blonde's magnum opus, in my opinion, is 2014's "The Nurse."  Directed by Sam Irvin, this film highlights the actress as a psycho/slasher and a nubile nurse clad in a shapely white uniform.

So sad!  The very pretty nurse in white, Lu (Kiralee Hayashi) is horribly murdered by a slasher, staining her white uniform.  The culprit?  You will have to wait for the final reveal.  Fast forward, Cara (Brigid Brannagh) and hubby Brian (Jack Noseworthy) move into a mansion thanks to Brian's employer.  The couple is pretty hot.  Then Cara's estranged dad, Frank (John Heard) suffers a stroke and needs 24 hour care.  Cara and Brian take him in and the full time nurse shows up...Lynette (Ford).  She's lovely and has brought with her a nice string bikini, lingerie, a negligee, a tight party dress, and massive amounts of sex appeal.  She is too good to be true.

Uh oh...Lynette has a dark side.  On the surface she is a godsend.  Cara is grateful for the care she gives Frank.  Then, when Cara isn't around, she tortures him and gives him syringes filled with...well, who knows?  More reasons to suspect Lynette is not who she says occur while she turns into a seductress and people in Brian and Cara's life start dying horribly.  We even see Lynette kill in some questionable instances.  You know what else we see?  Yep...we see it coming a mile away.  A cat-fight!  Two sultry babes going at it with helpless men unconscious on the floor.  The nurse/seductress/slasher seems to have everything figured out.

What are Lynette's plans for Frank, Cara, and Brian?  Why has Lynette beset this nice looking couple and their bed-ridden dad?  Will Willa Ford make out any better than she did when Jason annihilated her five years earlier?  Willa Ford's performance is steamy and this turns into a nice slasher film.  For some great nubile nurse in white exploitation, see Willa Ford in "The Nurse," and mourn the early death (opening scene) of the pretty Lu. 

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Bats, Vampire Mutant Shreds Family

More of a mutant vampire film than a bat film, but a goody, nevertheless.  Megan Purvis is a wonderful actress who spends more than half the film covered in syrupy blood after her dad's head explodes all over her.  We just don't see performances like this anymore.  Still, this is an ominous horror film with no humor or lightheartedness.  Today we look at 2021's "Bats," directed by Scott Jeffrey and Rebecca Matthews.

The opening scene is a long one.  Virgin babe Natalie (Nicole Nabi) finds herself in an abandoned house with two hunk redneck types.  They have a nice orgy and the now former virgin finds her dates a bit underwhelming.  That's okay, a big mutant bat that looks humanoid, shred the two guys and turns its attention to her.  What does it do to her...watch the movie.  Fast forward...Grandma (Kate Sandison) and her family arrive at the house.  She wants to move back into it after the town it is located in was evacuated after a nuclear disaster.  Little does she know a mutant bat monster lives in the attic. This will be an unfortunate oversight.  Jamie (Purvis) has just undergone a tragedy hardly worth noting and will find herself as the family's last hope for survival.

Alas. Jamie is ill equipped to combat the mutant bat.  It's scream causes her dad's head to explode (this was such a beautiful thing) and its bite causes the victim to sort of melt.  The blood covered Jamie must now save her pretty but detached sister, Amelia (Georgia Conlan) and kind of hot mother (Amanda Jade).  The creature is protecting its territory and seems to have something in mind for the family.  As the family is further beset and the mutant thing gets more aggressive, the blood covered beauty pulls herself out of the throes of her personal tragedy and arms herself. 


Does the depressed and grouchy Jamie have what it takes to turn full monster hunter?  What does the monster have planned for the family?  Is "Bats" a thinly veiled metaphor for the disintegration of the nuclear family?  Dark, depressing, and scary, "Bats" is an unusual film that will come across as refreshing and original to the horror fan.  For something a little different, see "Bats," and stay out of your attic. 

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Do Not Reply, Slaughter of the Cheerleaders

We don't get enough movies anymore about cheerleaders in peril.  Perhaps in a more enlightened time (yeah, right!) this is too gauche!  Still...the honest among us wants to see these exploitation films.  Then, mix it in with a slasher, then...well, we got a good one.  2019's "Do Not Reply" is sort of a slasher/exploitation film that may have a deeper message about the dangers of our smartphone era on our youth.  Still, we have pretty cheerleaders in much danger and a mean slasher who desires to rape and slash them up. Directed by Daniel and Walter Woltosz,  our film today is a first class thriller and not as prurient as it could be.

Chelsea (Amanda Arcuri) feels a bit neglected by her parents and friends.  She is a high school kid with no boyfriend and a need to talk.  Uh oh...she finds someone.  A sweet sort on a chat app who seems to be her soul mate, Brad (Jackson Rathbone).  He lures her to an alcohol infested warehouse party, spikes her drink and abducts her.  Oh yes, Brad made sure Chelsea wore her cheerleader uniform to the event.  Now Chelsea is chained in a dingy, rat infested cellar.  Brad comes down to humiliate and brainwash her.  Then we meet the nubile cheerleader, Meagan (Kerri Medders).  Meagan is already brainwashed and loves Brad.  Then we meet another captured cheerleader, Heather ( Elise Luthman), also brainwashed. 

We'll meet others, and it won't be pretty.  Chelsea is allowed out of her chains and the cellar because Brad and the other babes believe she is brainwashed.  She isn't.  Now Chelsea tries to find a means of escape.  Unfortunately for her she meets another cheerleader who is almost dead.  Seeing what her fate is and the fate of the other cheerleaders, she prowls the house and discovers just what Brad is up to...and it is perverted and evil.  Uh oh, Brad is onto her and now Chelsea must resort to some icky methods to get back on his good side before he turns very large blades on her.

Just what is Brad up to?  Does Chelsea have any shot at un-brainwashing the other cheerleader abductees?  As the beautiful die horribly, the surviving cheerleaders must man-up and take the fight to a homicidal and perverted psycho.  Exploitation galore with a touch of 80s slasher, "Do Not Reply" can boast of an attractive cast and big knives.  See "Do Not Reply" and get inspired to see some of the 1970s cheerleadersploitation (I invented that term) films that used to grace our drive-ins.