Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Vampyres, Euro-Trash Goes Full Deviance

Euro-Trash to the max!  How can you tell?  The opening scene.  When two Euro-babes are having passionate lesbian sex...this may be Euro-trash.  In the throes of pleasure and deviance, a gunman enters the bed chamber and blows both naked and sweaty babes away in a deluge of bullets.  No, not the opening scene for "The King's Speech," but rather a Spanish/English Euro-Trash film you know as 1974's "Vampyres."  Sultry lesbian vampires having a lot of carnal relations, murdering a lot, and having a lot of straight sex...who watches this filth?!

Two beautiful vampires, Fran (Marianna Morris) and Miriam (Anulka Dziubinska) prowl a lonely country road and hitchhike.  Men who stop for them will enjoy passionate sex back at their mansion and then be savagely attacked for their blood.  The duo have a pretty good gig going.  As for the men...well, if one was allowed to choose the way he died...at the hands of these two Euro-babes may top the list.  Enter Ted (Murray Brown), a mysterious fellow.  He stops to give Fran a ride and finds himself in bed with her.  The pre-marital sex will be elongated and passionate.  Fran is kind of intrigued by him and allows him to live.  Little does Ted know, he is now a prisoner at the mansion of the vampire chicks.

Fran and Miriam continue their hanky panky and continue to stop motorists, invite them home, have sex with them...and drain them of blood.  Fran will continue to drink from Ted.  Fran and Miriam will have some very erotic sex with one another.  Oh wait!  Did I mention hunk John (Brian Deacon) and his babe GF, Harriett (Sally Faulkner)?  They are camping near the mansion and Harriett becomes intrigued by the comings and goings of the two vampires.  She'll end up naked and too curious and you won't believe what happens.  Sound fun and frolicky?  The last ten minutes of this film, no matter how devilishly erotic it may be, will be horrific and gratuitous. 

Is keeping Ted alive a big mistake for Fran and Miriam?  Will Harriett's curiosity land her on the menu or in bed with Fran and Miriam?  Is "Vampyres" a thinly veiled metaphor for the feminist movement in western Europe during the 1970s?  This is definitely a guilty pleasure.  For some forbidden thrills, see "Vampyres," and then take a long shower.  

Sunday, February 26, 2023

Star Odyssey, The Italians Do Star Wars

Rip-offs from Italy! They do it well.  Euro-babes and Euro-hunks abound.  There will be sexy costumes and a lot of grunting.  So when an over-rated "Star Wars" hit the screens, the Italians were tasked.  Hence 1979's "Star Odyssey," directed by Alfonso Brescia.  It'll feature a pair of lovelorn and suicidal robots, a sultry chemist in a stretch vinyl leotard and hooker boots, grunting men, light sabers, androids that die nicely, a psychic battle between two old geezers, and a romance between a Euro-babe and an inter-galactic gambler.  George Lucas, eat your heart out!

An evil reptilian warlord brings his fleet of spaceships to Earth.  His goal is conquest.  After destroying Earth's military bases he captures Africans for slaves.  Space Control on Earth is powerless and enlist the help of mental genius Professor Mauri (Ennio Balbo).  Mauri has psychic and hypnotic powers...and a babe niece Irene (Yanti Somer).  Mauri puts his old team together, but this isn't easy.  He gets sexpot Bridget (Malisa Longo) and her beau Shawn (Chris Avram) out of a moon prison.  The two are chemists and will try to come up with an answer for the alien energy source.  Also brought in is Irene's former lover, the gambler, Dirk (Gianni Garko).  Oh yes, professional wrestler, Norman (Roberto Dell'Acqua) is also brought in.  Norman brings two robots with him.  The two robots are lovers and suicidal and bicker nonstop.  

The team is ready to plan a defense and an attack on the reptile guy's space forces.  Reptile guy lands his ship on the defenseless Earth and sends his android army to attack Mauri's compound.  A raging battle ensues and Irene is captured.  Mauri and his troops go after Irene and the battle of the millennium occurs.  The two robots bicker some more and things explode.  Reptile man and Mauri engage in a battle of psychic powers and give one another headaches.  Bridget keeps looking great in her vinyl and hooker boot outfit, as Dirk schemes to get Irene back.  Space battles will occur with a lot of spaceships and things will explode in space.  

Will Mauri's team overcome the evil reptile man and his android army?  Will Irene and Dirk rekindle their love affair...and will anyone have pre-marital sex with Bridget?  What of the suicidal robots...will they short circuit each other or find a way to engage?  This is a good one and a lot of fun.  For a "Star Wars" type movie with better looking characters than the Lucas film, see "Star Odyssey." 

Friday, February 24, 2023

Invasion From Inner Earth, Horror in Manitoba

Only a 2.9/10 star rating on IMDB?  That's gold for this blog.  A movie set in Manitoba (that's in Canada)? I'm game. As for that low rating by IMDB dweebs...if Stanley Kubrick's name was in the credits it would have an 8.9/10 rating.  No single film has captured the ethos of Canada better than the American made epic set in Manitoba, 1974's "Invasion From Inner Earth," directed by Bill Rebane.  However bad this film is portrayed by any critic, it is nowhere near as bad or embarrassing as Justin Trudeau. 

The nubile Sarah (Debbi Pick) and her brother Jake (Nick Holt) live in a cabin in the wilderness.  Their dad just died and the only way to reach them is by small airplane.  Three scientists are in the area taking readings and doing other stuff scientists do.  The grouchy Andy (Robert Arkens),  the hunk Eric (Karl Wallace), and the goofy Stan (Paul Bentzen) are the lab men.  Being a hunk, Eric has caught Jake's eye.  He believes the hunky scientist is good breeding material for his sister Sarah.  One problem, Eric is boring and is of no consequence to the film or the plight of anyone in it.  The plight?  Okay, I suppose we should talk about the UFO invasion.  The saucers drop a red gas on Manitoba killing everyone except our peeps in the wilderness...and an annoying radio DJ (this guy is not worth mentioning again).

Jake, a pilot, flies the three scientists back to civilization only to find out everyone has been killed off. No great loss, this is of course...Manitoba.  Jake flies the three back and now the five survivors try to figure out what is going on.  A weird red light seems to be spying on them.  Eric is too nerdy to make a move for Sarah leaving her to goofy Stan...ick. Eric dwells in irrelevance. Jake hits the bottle...and an alien force turns out to be homicidal even in the wilderness. Now the survivors get desperate and scared.  Even worse...the aliens begin sizing them up for...well...you'll see...and it will make Stanley Kubrick proud.

Is an alien invasion of Canada a possible explanation of the Justin Trudeau regime?  Will Sarah learn to lust for goofy Stan and toss Eric into the trash heap of failed Canadians?  If Manitoba is wiped out, is Saskatchewan next?  Hey...what do you mean, 'who cares?'  For some neat Manitoba scifi/horror, see "Invasion From Inner Earth."  

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Cyborg, Classic Jean-Claude Van Damme

Okay!  Fine!  I admit it!  Sure, the crucifixion scene where Jean-Claude Van Damme basks in the Jesus imagery is a bit much.  Still, 1989's "Cyborg" is a damn good movie...or should I say "Damme" good movie.  I think all of us have to admit that Mel Gibson was heavily influenced by this scene...but let us move on.  Directed by Albert Pyun, this film boasts of hunks grunting and babes toiling in catfights.

New York City...post apocalypse.  It looks a lot like New York during the David Dinkins Reign of Terror. A sadistic street gang lead by Fender (Vincent Klyn) captures a pretty cyborg/woman named Pearl (Dayle Haddon) who has the cure for a plague that has decimated the planet.  Enter Gibson (Van Damme)...Kung Fu hunk, extraordinaire. With Pearl in enemy hands, Gibson joins forces with the buxom Nubian, Nady (Deborah Richter). Being a Kung Fu hunk, Gibson wants to go his own way...but Nady uses pre-marital sex to convince the fellow to join her in rescuing Pearl, thus saving the world.  By the way, we get a look at Gibson's backstory and it is a dramatic and vicious one.

Now our hunk and babe traipse southwards to head off Fender and his gang.  The goal is to free Pearl.  Gibson has an additional goal...murder Fender.  The two have a sordid history.  No time is wasted by musical interludes or slow motion scenes of hot air balloons or running through the surf.  Nope...not in this movie.  Catfights for Nady will be plentiful.  Gibson will fight to the death with other grunting and sweaty hunks.  Fender looms on Gibson's radar.  Uh oh...Fender seems to have the upper hand and now Gibson must survive the aforementioned crucifixion. 

Will Gibson and Nady rescue Pearl and save the world?  Will the grunting and sweating brutes learn conflict resolution strategies and settle their differences with compromise and collaboration?  Will the cure Pearl has inside her computer chips be less deadly than Fauci's cure?  This is a fantastic film and infinitely better than anything Marvel or DC shovel onto us.  For a frolicking good time with great cheese and beef, see "Cyborg."

Monday, February 20, 2023

The Body Stealers, NATO in Trouble

Unable to deter the Russian threat in Europe, NATO has proven to be unready and unarmed.  As the west's military can't even beat balloons, NATO is wondering why they did not stock up on bullets and tanks.  This was not always the case.  NATO used to have real men.  Men who sucked face with every babe in western Europe, and often, engaged in pre-marital sex with those same beauties.  Those were the days!  Now NATO has pronoun training for all of its troops.  Today we look at 1969's "The Body Stealers," directed by Gerry Levy.

NATO paratroopers are disappearing in mid-air as they practice on English air force bases.  General Armstrong (George Sanders) is ordered to get to the bottom of it.  He calls in Bob (Patrick Allen).  Who is Bob?  Some NATO secret agent type.  More importantly, he spends all his time sucking face and having pre-marital sex with English babes.  Bob begins investigating and has Armstrong ground all jumping exercises.  Next, Bob makes his way over to the lab where he'll meet Julie (Hillary Heath).  She's a genius but soon reduced to a drooling babe in need of Bob's amorous attention.  Dr. Matthews (Maurice Evans), head scientist at the lab, tells Bob to consider otherworldly causes for the disappearance of the paratroopers.

Not satisfied with merely sucking face with Julie during this mission to save the world, Bob meets a blonde vixen, Lorna (Pamela Conway).  They'll have a grand old time kissing in the surf and then probably engaging in pre-marital sex.  Lorna is a strange one.  She has a penchant for disappearing into thin air and registering as radioactive on sensors.  Now Lorna pleads with Bob to stop flying.  Bob is brave and must solve the mystery of the disappearing paratroopers.  Meanwhile, Julie makes some startling discoveries but these are ignored as she sucks more face with Bob.  Now things get strange.  Bob sets off to do a parachute jump and see for himself what is happening to the missing soldiers.  Uh oh again...others who see Lorna, follow her...and die horribly.

What is happening to these NATO paratroopers?  Will Lorna and Julie meet and engage in a vicious catfight?  If NATO had more real men like Bob, who skipped his pronoun training, would Russia still be inching toward Poland?  This is a good one from 1969 with a lot of good beef and cheese.  For a jolly good time, take a peak back to when men were men, women were women, and sucking face was encouraged.  See "The Body Stealers" today. 

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Mystery Spot, Ghostly Motel

Coping with loss.  A loved one is no more.  Now alone, moving forward is not always in the cards.  Despair, depression, fear, and desperation take over and we don't always recover.  Today we have a strange one.  However strange, 2021's "Mystery Spot" may charge us to deal with loss head on...in a healthy manner.  Directed by Mel House, this film will give us a wonderful performance by horror film icon Lisa Wilcox.  As far as Hall-of-Fame caliber scream queens, Debbie Rochon is also in this film. 

So, what is going on here?  We initially meet Rachel (Wilcox).  The beautiful blonde is obviously grieving and it appears to us that she is considering suicide.  We also meet film maker Nathan (Graham Skipper). He has set up at an out of the way motel where he is contracted to conduct auditions.  Actors and actresses visit him in his room and he videos them reading for a part.  We meet a lot more characters,  Rachel, returns.  Still very much alive she has checked into this weird motel.  Also there, not as a guest, but as cop (Bobby Simpson II) investigating...well...investigating something.  Now this movie will get weirder.  Are there ghosts?  maybe.  What is going on in Nathan's life that makes him act weird?  You'll see.  The proprietor of the hotel, Max (Lyle Kanouse) oozes weirdness.  Uh oh...the motel is adjacent to a dilapidated roadside attraction where reality seems to be suspended in favor of some new dimension.

Get it?  You will.  A pattern is ascertained that connects all these characters.  Loss.  The eerie part of it is that we sense their gathering at this motel may not be for their edification, but for their ruination.  Eventually, these apparently disassociated beings begin interacting and their stories result in carnage and violence.  On the outside, Detective Hanlon (Rochon) is in contact with Leon, but we sense that Leon may have been pulled into a different world.  Whatever force has assembled these sad beings does not seem like a benevolent one.  Now everything mentioned above, and a dozen more plot lines will converge like cars at a demolition derby and give us all an important message about grieving and loss.

Lisa Wilcox and Debbie Rochon are draw enough to see this film.  Still, the deep dark questions it will stir inside our own consciences may be a worthwhile quiz to give ourselves.  Loss and grief will attack each one of us.  None of us will handle it masterfully.  Still, the importance of moving forward is stated quite dramatically, in horrific scope, when you watch "Mystery Spot."

Thursday, February 16, 2023

Slipping Into Darkness, Three Seductresses vs. Three Bikers

In 1984 we all saw "Blame it on Rio."  As frivolous and light as that film was, it had a big "ick" factor." Yep, you remember, 16 year old Jennifer (Michelle Johnson) seduces an old man (Michael Caine). Still the film had a lot of laughs.  In 1988, Michelle Johnson stars in another ick-fest, "Slipping Into Darkness."  There will be no laughs in this one.  In fact the "ick" factor will increase dramatically as the film progresses.  In what is not the feel good film of 1988, we will examine this movie today, which was directed by Eleanor Gaver.  Warning...just when you think the "ick" factor has reached its apex...it will increase again.

Three babes are classmates at a ritzy college.  Carlyle (Johnson) is the spoiled and seductive daughter of the dean.  She has her own Mercedes and can get away with anything.  Her two buddies are Genevieve (Anastasia Fielding) who is into being tied up by bad boys, and the apparent clean cut Alex (Cristen Kauffman).  Much to Genevieve's delight, their lives will be thrown together with three bad biker dudes, the handsome Fritz (John D' Aquino), Otis the psycho (Vyto Ruginis), and the maybe half-good T-Bone (David Sherrill).  Thrown together, how?  Heartbreaking and disgusting events lead to the death of Frotz' mentally challenged brother (Neill Barry).  Fritz blames the three beauties...and the babes kind of deny it.  Now Fritz calls on his biker gang to exact justice on the babes.

Uh oh...the gals are quite the seductresses.  Lies abound as Fritz and Carlyle fall for one another...or do they?  Alex and T-Bone seem to be hot for one another.  Then Genevieve and Otis pair off for weird and dangerous pre-marital sex.  Now Fritz is not sure how his brother was killed.  Carlyle's vagueness is not helping his fact finding efforts.  More seduction and carnage follow.  Gore and twisted sex also follow.  Twisted imagery will include a macabre farmhouse and graveyard as the setting for some significant plot devices.  Oh yeah...I won't even tell you about the combine in the cornfield.  Twisted?  Ha!  It'll get more twisted and perverted, and more lurid.  

How did Fritz' brother die?  What exactly did the three high school babes do to the young fellow moments before his death?  Do the biker dudes have a shot at survival against this trio of vixens?  Again, I warn you...this one will pile it on heavy with the "ick."  If you can take a lurid, dark, and disgusting reveal...then watch "Slipping Into Darkness."    

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Blind, Helpless Damsel in Much Distress

Is there a better way to spend Valentine's Day than with the lovely Sarah French?  Sadly, and I hate to inform you, she is not saying the same about you.  Nevertheless we have a twisted love story that will prove to be one of the most horrific tales containing hearts, sparkles, and a sultry damsel in much distress. Today we look at 2019's "Blind," directed by Marcel Walz.  If you thought "My Bloody valentine" was scary, this heart and love filled tale will give you ten times more nightmares. Remember, in your darkest and hardest trials...you are never alone.  This Sarah French film will explain the down side of that adage to us.

The sultry actress Faye Dayne (French) is adjusting to a new life.  The actress has recently become blind, ending her career.  Her best buddy Sophia (Caroline Williams) is Heaven sent and really helps her along.  Faye now joins a support group for blind souls.  The group is led by the hunk Luke (Tyler Gallant).  Luke is mute and speaks with the assistance of a device on his phone.  Yep...he's hot for her.  Sophie tries to get Faye to give him a shot.  Okay...no jokes.  Uh oh...a terrifying and surreal plot device is introduced.  In a lair filled with lights, sparkles, and valentine balloons a twisted soul (Jed Rowen) pines for Faye.  Who is this guy?  Nothing we see indicates that he is benevolent.  In fact, now we fear for our blonde protagonist even though she has no clue this evil lurks nearby.

Faye does her best to cope and adjust.  Sadly, this is difficult and does not seem to be going well.  Realizations are driven home and now Faye starts believing her life is not over, there are happy years ahead, and she does indeed want to go on.  The monster lurking nearby then gets violent.  Blood and guts will be on display as the fiend gets closer to Faye.  What does the killer want?  The monster will invade Faye's intimate privacy, watch her shower, dress, and hear her cry and plead.  Faye has no idea of the carnage that is and has taken place nearby as the monster's infatuation gets more aggressive.  Where does this all lead?  Arguably the most horrific last 10 minutes in cinema in the last 20 years,

No actress has appeared on this blog more than Sarah French.  Like me, you will desperately want her to overcome the fiend that has entered her life.  If anything, this film will prod you to embrace the one you love more than anything in the world and profess your love to her.  "My Bloody Valentine" had a pickaxe..."Blind" has something more intimate...and alas something more horrific.  See "Blind" (okay, sorry...did not mean for it to come out that way), and I guarantee you will be talking about the ending until next Valentine's Day.

Sunday, February 12, 2023

Dark Places, Christopher Lee and Joan Collins

A 1974 film with Christopher Lee?  Yep...and guess what!  No vampires and it is not a Hammer production.  Throw in Joan Collins a full decade before "Dynasty," and we have an interesting haunted house/possession tale.  I admit, Mr. Lee and Ms. Collins are an uncomfortable pair...then again, I'm sure you will find "Dark Places," directed by Don Sharp, an uncomfortable horror flick.  Sadly, the plot devices we all need to avoid are not avoided in this one.  Still...enjoyable, interesting, and one of those films where everyone gets what's coming to them.

We begin at a mental asylum.  Old Colonel Marr is on his deathbed.  In a crazy fit he blurbs out to Edward (Robert Hardy) a secret.  Seems Colonel Marr secreted hundreds of thousands of English pounds inside a wall in his mansion.  He also wills the mansion to his children and in the meantime tells Edward to go take care of it.  Now Edward wants the money and shows up at the mansion.  It is falling apart and abandoned.  He gets with the executor of the estate, Prescott (Herbert Lom), who informs him Marr's wife and children were murdered many years ago and their bodies never found. Uh oh...town doctor, Ian (Lee), and his sister Sarah (Collins) are aware the money is somewhere in the house.  Sarah is the town seductress and she gets close to Edward in hopes of finding the loot.

Strange noises abound.  Is the house haunted?  Well, Ian sends Sarah over there to make it appear that way. Bad news...the stuff going bump in the night has nothing to do with Sarah's trickery.  Pre-marital sex will abound and then Edward seems to get possessed by Colonel Marrs.  Now Edward begins seeing Alta (Jane Birkin).  She was Marrs' maid...and lover.  She also is thought to be murdered...body never found. Now, through a possessed Edward we see what went on in the house at the time of the supposed murders and it will make you very uncomfortable. A bloodbath beckons...but for who?  Ian and Sarah are greedy and deviant...so is Edward...so is Prescott...so is anyone who ever lived in the house.  

Were Colonel Marrs' family and lover indeed murdered those many years ago?  Where are the bodies and the supposed money?  Just who is Edward and how did he ever get control of the haunted estate?  This is a sordid tale that as you may guess, isn't likely to end well.  For a good haunted house/ possession tale that goes over the line...see "Dark Places."


Friday, February 10, 2023

Dark Tower, Vengeful Spirit Terrorizes Jenny Agutter

This has disaster written all over it.  The leading lady pulls out just before shooting.  Then the leading man pulls out.  A famous director, Freddie Francis quits halfway through filming.  So what do we have left?  Jenny Agutter in lingerie, teasing virile men, sweating as she is chased through a building in mortal peril.  Good riddance Freddie Francis, Lucy Guttridge, and Roger Daltrey!  Hello Jenny Agutter in nice lacy black undies, Michael Moriarty, and Ken Wiederhorn behind the camera.  Today we look at the semi-erotic ghost tale, set and shot in Barcelona, 1987's "Dark Tower."  Oh yeah, did I mention Carol Lynley as a hot secretary?

Carolyn (Agutter) is an architect overseeing the construction of Unico Tower in Barcelona.  After showing some Unico execs around the almost finished building, she returns to her 29th floor office, strips to some nice black lingerie, and teases the poor window washer outside her window.  To her horror, a ghost attacks the window washer, crushes his head, and sends him over the side where he falls on a Unico exec, killing him, too.  Unico investigator Dennis (Moriarty) arrives and Carolyn wants to strip for him...but professionalism wins out...darn!  Carolyn was affected by this gore.  She wants Dennis to comfort her and will wear some very sext business suits through the rest of the film to try to bring this on,  Also wearing really sexy and tight office attire is Carol Lynley as Carolyn's secretary...sadly, her character has no bearing on the plot.

More gory deaths.  The proverbial security guards die horribly.  Then it becomes apparent the spirit wants to murder Carolyn.  Just by sheer luck, the ghost possesses a friend of Dennis' and makes him try to shoot Carolyn.  Many will be slaughtered in the lobby but Carolyn escapes the carnage in the worst workplace massacre in Barcelona history.  Dennis does more investigation and calls in parapsychologist Max Gold (Theodore Bikel) and medium, Sergei (Kevin McCarthy).  These two will make horrific discoveries...but as you may guess, it won't turn out well.  The spirit wants to murder, not converse.  Now Carolyn is the thing's only target and it will make her sweat, strip to her undies, and run for her life.

Will Dennis ever get a clue and be able to help Carolyn?  Would a better director have given Carol Lynley a gratuitous shower or pre-marital sex scene?  Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor chronicling the deterioration of Spain after the Spanish Civil War?  A lot of fun and some great cheese as Jenny Agutter and Carol Lynley always look fine for the camera.  Gore and ghosts abound, as well.  See "Dark Tower" and realize the A-Team isn't always the best choice when filming a movie.  

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Vampire on Bikini Beach, Bikini Babes and Surf Hunks Shredded

Two years ago, the great novel chronicling western civilization was released, Bikini Babes vs. Vampires (to read that novel for 99 cents, click on the link).  Nothing like it had ever been seen since 1988 when the straight-to-video "Vampire on Bikini Beach," directed by Mark Headley, hit our VCRs.  Courageous filmmaking, no doubt.  Who wants flowery damsels writing love letters in our vampire fiction, when we can have nubile bikini babes frolicking, jiggling, and engaging in pre-marital sex, instead? 

A vampire is murdering surfer hunks and turning the bikini babes into his brides.  Bikini babe Kim (Nancy Rogers) loves surfer hunk Bob (Stephen Mathews).  Also along for a frolicking and jiggling good time are Kim's friends Clarke (Amanda Hughes) and Wynette (Jennifer Jostyn).  Lucky for them, as a vampire horde sucks the necks of our bikini clad damsels, Harold (Todd Kaufman) and his gal Judy (Jennifer Badham) also tag along.  See, Harold knows about the occult and can translate the Book of the Dead.  This is useful as Kim finds the book as another babe is murdered by a vampire a few feet away.  Now Kim and Bob try to figure out if this evil book has anything to do with the murders of all the bikini babes near Venice Beach.

Kim and Bob will get very close and have some wonderfully choreographed pre-marital sex. Kim, Wynette, Judy, and Kim will frolic gratuitously in the bikini shop they hang out in.  Now Falto (Mariusz Olbrychowski) and Demos (William Hoo) emerge as vampires bent on conquering the world.  Both bloodsuckers want Kim as their bride.  As Bob and Kim get closer to figuring out who the vampires want and what their goal is, the evil fiends get aggressive.  They'll capture Clarke and Wynette and string them up as playthings for their minions.  Now, the others must act and invade the lair of the undead to save their buddies.  Naturally, the bloodsuckers are waiting for them.  Bikini babes will be in much peril.  The surfer hunks will prove ineffective in combatting the undead.  Through all of that, there will be gratuitous bikini frolicking, jiggling, and pre-marital sex.

Will Kim succumb and be made into a bikini babe of the undead?  Will any of the bikini babes survive the toothy menaces?  Is this film a metaphor for the fates of young bikini babes when they arrive in Hollywood to seek acting careers?  For vicious and prurient fun, see "Vampire on Bikini Beach."   


Monday, February 6, 2023

Red Rooms, Evil is Closer Than You Think

It's so easy.  Identifying and crusading against evil.  The child molester...the rapist...the terrorist...the murderer...those are the bad guys.  We protect our families and avoid these reprobates.  Today we look at an eight-part TV show from our buddies at Philly Chick Pictures, which includes the ever sultry Brooke Lewis Bellas.  Stylish and probing, "Red Rooms" puts the personifications of great evils on our TV screens.  Uh oh...not so fast.  Embedded in this horrific show is something even more terrifying.  Yep, depravity and evil may be a bit more closer to all of us than we'd like to admit.  Stay tuned.

The plot?  Let's keep it short.  A reality show on the dark web.  "Live or Die" has abducted five fiends to be tried by the viewers.  Viewers will vote who the most evil of them is...and there's your winner.  Even worse...the evil winner is the only one of the fiends who gets to live.  Brooke Lewis Bellas is a Harvey Weinstein like figure...exploiter of innocent actors.  David Alpay is an assassin/terrorist.  Susan Lanier plays an evil senator who is responsible for poisoning children.  Ricky Dean Logan is a priest who molests children.  Finally, Noah Blake is a narcissistic misogynist.  We meet them as they reveal their putrid crimes.  They all deserve to die. Sadly, none of these five portrayals are much different from peeps in the real world.  Our headlines could have dictated these characters.  They'll be made to describe their crimes, confess...and if they are up top it...beg for mercy.

The peeps at Philly Chick Pictures do more than flash five fiends at us (all of them portrayed masterfully) by an outstanding cast.  The movie's special f/x and computer graphics are genius as we are sucked into the inner workings of an evil soul...you'll see.  Writer and director Joshua Butler lets us know evil is not just an outside force...but something that exists inside us and takes us over.  Uh oh again...these five characters may not be random characters. As their crimes are described and confessed to a macabre and revolting pattern develops that will jar you from your comfort zone.  Alas, who will win the crown as "the most evil," and earn the privilege to escape execution on the dark web.

Stylish, disconcerting, and uncomfortable.  "Red Rooms" does something that many of these films stay away from.  Even though we have five fiends in front of us...Mr. Butler urges us in very innovative filmmaking, to look inside ourselves.  Exploitation and darkness, which we see on this reality show, is overpowered by a morality tale in which we may ultimately judge ourselves.  Unlike the five characters facing doom, the peeps at Philly Chick Pictures have given us all a wakeup call to examine our own souls and purge the same evil that has consumed these fiends.  "Red Rooms" is terrific horror and an opportunity to explore original f/x, and our own soul.   

Saturday, February 4, 2023

In the Cold of the Night, Film Noir and Dangerous Sex

Okay...so here's what happens at the start of this film. Fashion photographer Scott (Jeff Lester) has passionate and elongated pre-marital sex with his model Lena (Shannon Tweed). Her nudity and gyrations are dramatic. He'll fall asleep and have a dream about murdering a naked showering brunette. He'll wake up with his hands choking Shannon Tweed. She doesn't mind and states, "That's okay...I couldn't breathe...but I almost came." Wonderful dialogue. Today we look at 1990's "In the Cold of the Night," directed by Nico Mastorakis.  Oh yeah...Tippi Hedren is in this one for a couple of minutes until birds scare her away...really! 

Hunk fashion photographer Scott is haunted.  He has a lot of pre-marital sex with bikini models and Shannon Tweed. Now he is having nightmares about murdering a strange beauty...strangling, gutting, or drowning...different methods but the same beauty. Guess what! As he tries to figure out who this babe is, she shows up on his doorstep. Kimberly (Adrianne Sachs) wants to know why he is looking for her. He lies of course. The two like each other and she brings him to her mansion for very steamy sex...a lot of it. He keeps having the dreams and she pays them no mind. She'll shower a lot and frolic with Scott in the pool. The two appear to be falling in love.

Shot like a film noir film, we sense Kimberly is too good to be true. The femme-fatale look oozes off her naked body. Yep...she does have secrets. Oh yeah, no surprise here...her mansion and d├ęcor are exactly what Scott sees in his dreams. The two have numerous naked and steamy scenes and Ms. Sachs has no shyness toward movie cameras. Scott's dreams get more ominous and now he begins following Kimberly around during the day.  His brain has stopped working well because he is so infatuated with the his new babe and we sense this will be toward his doom. 

Are these dreams really dreams or something a bit more devious?  Just who is this mysterious Kimberly and how did she end up living alone in the mansion? Are there really women like Shannon Tweed's Lena who value a good orgasm over personal safety...and how do we find them? This is a steamy one and delves a bit into the science fiction genre.  Watch "In the Cold of the Night" and be prepared for a long shower after the end credits roll.

Thursday, February 2, 2023

Honeymoon of Terror, Newlyweds and a Psycho

Again we have one from our buddies at Something Weird Video.  Today we look at the magnum opus for the very sultry Dwan Marlow.  Who is Dwan Marlow?  You won't be asking that after seeing this film.  Sultry...perky...often nude...and a terrific skinny dipper, Ms. Marlow is an infinitely better actress than Gal Godot.  Today we look at 1961's "Honeymoon of Terror" (aka "Ecstasy on Lover's Island"), directed by Peter Perry, Jr.

As our film begins babe Marion (Marlow) and semi-hunk Frank (Doug Leith) have just been married.  The perky blonde and the drooling groom are headed to a cheap Vegas motel to consummate their vows.  In an awkward but weirdly alluring scene...they do just that.  Marion has an idea...do something out of the box.  Frank is in and next the two rent a boat, head to a lake in the country, and boat to a deserted island for privacy and more consummating vows.  Oh no!  The dolt, Frank forgot the suitcase...he'll take the boat and go back to the mainland to retrieve it as Marion sets up camp.

With Frank gone for an hour, Marion becomes the Esther Williams of the skinny-dipping category.  The blonde gives us a gratuitous skinny dipping scene and then right into a gratuitous sunbathing scene.  Enter psycho (Anton von Stralen).  A deranged rapist/murderer hiding out on the island.  There will be chasing, screaming, and more chasing.  Frank's excursion back to the mainland is prolonged by a verbose gas station guy.  Now the drooling fiend seems to have Marion, in all her nudity cornered.  Marion seems determined not to let anyone consummate anything with her, other than Frank.

Given that skinny dippers usually die horribly in these films, is Marion doomed?  Will Frank ever stop yapping and return to the naked babe he just married?  Does Marion have a prayer against the hulking, knife-wielding psycho?  Gratuitous and pure (albeit awkward), "Honeymoon of Terror" will get your juices flowing and have you hungering for more Dwan Marlow.