Saturday, January 22, 2022

Mosquito Man, The Perfect Woman Turns Insect

She's beautiful.  She's sexy.  She's smart.  The perfect woman. You decide she's the one and then...she changes.  Such a common theme.  Yep, she changes into a monster mosquito ready to suck you dry. Perhaps you knew her...or married her.  True horror.  Hence today's feature, "Mosquito Man," directed by Tibor Takacs.


Okay, Big Pharma is called on to develop a vaccine to kill a virus spread by mosquitos.  They think they have done it and a death row inmate (Matt Jordon) is being delivered to start human experimentation.  Head scientist is, of course, a babe...Jennifer (Musetta Vander).  Once delivered, the inmate steals a gun, slaughters Jenifer's beautiful assistant (Christa Campbell), kills guards, cops, lab security, and escapes.  The escape follows the lab blowing up and him getting a bunch of the serum on him.  He'll turn into a seven foot mosquito.  Even sadder, the beautiful Jennifer gets a little of the stuff on her and she begins to change, much slower.

The cops come.  Lead detective, Thomas (Corin Nemec) is Jennifer's lover...convenient.  The bodies continue to pile up as the mosquito man kills whinos, cops, babe bartenders, club patrons, etc.  He drains their blood and learns to fly.  Uh oh...the nubile Jennifer is now thirsting for blood and changing physically. Now Thomas must see if doctors can reverse Jennifer's metamorphosis before she sucks him dry.  Perhaps a common plight for many a man. Uh oh again... the mosquito man wants to mate with Jennifer and is impervious to bullets.  Thomas knows that mosquito man and him both want to mate with Jennifer...but man is a jealous creature.

Will Thomas be able to keep mosquito man from mating with his main squeeze?  If he is successful in this, will his babe eventually suck him dry (again, a question most men ask themselves in courtship)? Is this 2005 movie an accurate foretelling of what the CDC has become and its desire for this country?  Gore, eroticism, and bug horror highlight this neat creature feature film that probably had its start on Syfy.

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Dawn of the Beast, Bigfoot vs. The Wendigo Mob

I'm still cheering.  This has got to be one of the best films I've ever seen.  Picture this.  A very grouchy and huge Sasquatch busting out some martial arts moves in a brawl with a gang of smart-aleck Wendigos!  Yes!  Babes, hunks, nerds and dismemberment.  Oh, yeah!  Possession.  Some "Evil Dead" action as a babe girlfriend becomes a demon thing.  Today we take a look at 2021's "Dawn of the Beast," directed by Bruce Wemple.


Two professor types bring a group of hunk and babe post-graduates into a northeastern forest to look for Bigfoot.  Also along for the ride is Chris (Adrian Burke), a nerd, who is the beau of cold-fish babe student Isabella (Ariella Mastroianni).  Throw in Lilly, a sultry bad girl who is quite blunt...we like her a lot.  Yes, there is also the useless jock, Jake (Chris Cimperman).  These saps don't know that 10 years ago, mountain man Everett (Grant Schumacher) watched his girlfriend Marie (Francesca Anderson) be ripped apart by Bigfoot...or did he?  The graduate class reached the proverbial cabin in the woods and Chris finds a demonic book foretelling of something a lot more ominous than Bigfoot.

The attacks begin...but is it Bigfoot?  Isabella is possessed by a forest deity with antlers and becomes a cannibalistic no-longer-babe.  The profs are disemboweled or impaled.  Now the blunt Lilly takes command of the survivors.  Uh oh...a Wendigo clan wants to eat them all and surrounds the cabin.  Chris has hopes Isabella might come back to humanity, then realizes he never really liked her anyway...smart! Oh yes, Everett has plans to avenge Marie's disembowelment and it involves using Lilly for bait.  I'll stop here.  This film has so much and may rival "Crocodile 2: Death Swamp" as the best film ever made.

Will bad girl Lilly and nerd Chris overcome forest cryptids and engage in pre-marital sex?  Will there be a cat-fight between Lilly and the demon Isabella?  Does a ticked off Bigfoot stand a chance against a whole gang of Wendigos?  Monsters, beefcake, cheesecake, and attitude!  See "Dawn of the Beast," and forget about the new "Scream" monstrosity.

  

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Bae Wolf, A Lesbian Beowulf?

There I go again...a gratuitous headline designed to get hits for my blog. So sue me.  The "Beowulf" legend has hundreds of retellings over the centuries.  The story lends itself to that.  An important and classic story meant to tap into any contemporary settings...whether it be 1945...1975...or 2022.  Common themes permeate time and societal struggles.  2022's "Bae Wolf," a David Axe film, is a fine contribution to the Beowulf subgenre.  This film, and the classic story do two things for us.  First, we see what happens to us when we realize we are not who we want to be or thought we were...do we sink into despair or go through a healthy reevaluation?  Next, can we intelligently identify the monsters around us without using a mirror?

Princess Freawaru (Morgan Shaley Renew) is sad.  The evil Grendel (Josh Kern) monster is raiding her village, decapitating and disemboweling her friends and family.  There doesn't seem to be any stopping this evil fiend!  Then she arrives...Beowulf (Jennifer Hill).  The great monster hunter which so much lore speaks of.  The beautiful Beowulf and Freawaru make goo-goo eyes at each other and love at first sight kicks in.  The monster hunter agrees to hang out and defend Freawaru's village against Grendel.  Uh oh...the great Beowulf may not be all she is cracked up to be.  In fact, her and her merry troop of monster hunters may be con artists. 


Grendel feasts on the fears of his so-called victims.  Bad news for the beset Danish village?  Well, for the first time, Beowulf is in love.  Now she has the will to fight for something that touches her soul.  Freawaru and Beowulf having fallen in love, must deal with their deceptive pasts and the reality of evil.  Grendel's attacks continue and any veils covering who Beowulf really is are ripped away.  Now, can the real Beowulf protect the one she loves even if that means baring her true self to her?

A study of all the Beowulf retellings will make us wonder if the ending to this flick will be a happy ending?  That depends who you see as the monster and how you identify the protagonists.  Perhaps David Axe's most pertinent point is that we are not each other's enemies...as I mentioned earlier, our greatest foe is in the mirror.  For some great gore, acting, sultry babes, and slimy monsters...see David Axe's "Bae Wolf."  

Sunday, January 16, 2022

The Toybox. RV Carnage and Denise Richards

Denise Richards!  Yep, a horror movie with the hot mess beauty, herself.  Throw in Mischa Barton and you will be asking why you have never heard of this one before.  Ominous, gory, and heartbreaking...this one will have some surprises.  Today we look at 2018's "The Toybox," directed by Tom Nagel.  By the way, who lives and who dies horribly follows no accepted standard of polite film making here.

A family torn apart by the death of the mother decides to bond.  The dad, Charles (Greg Voiland) buys a used, and very haunted RV. He will take his two adult sons, his daughter-in-law Jennifer (Richards), and granddaughter, Olivia (Malika Michelle) into the desert to look at cave etchings. Fun!  Right away, Jennifer's little girl, Olivia, comes across as most annoying.  We hope this little tyke gets it first...be careful what you wish for.  Also along for the ride is Jay (Brian Nagel) who loves to feud with his brother, Jennifer's hubby, Steve (Jeff Denton).  Bickering and annoying prattle from the little girl almost make us turn this film off.  Then it gets fun.  With some low level haunting, the RV starts ruining this desert weekend for this family.

Good Samaritan Charles stops in the desert to help a couple broken down.  Samantha (Barton) and Mark (Matt Mercer).  Now these two catch a ride in the RV.  Then the RV breaks down and a ghost of a serial killer gets mean.  One by one the not so happy family starts dying in very bloody ways.  Stuck in the middle of nowhere, Olivia continues being annoying and we begin cheering for the serial killer's ghost (David Greathouse).  The guy's M.O. is scalping and torture. Who lives and who dies, as I mentioned earlier, follows no rules so don't get too attached to any of the characters.  Now the big question is will Jennifer and Samantha engage in a catfight before one of them, or both, die horribly.

No humor and no witty banter lighten this one.  For those who like their horror, horrific and nothing else, this is one for you.  Will Denise Richards and Mischa Barton get into a catfight?  Will any of these annoying characters, kid included, escape the wrath of a brutal serial killer ghost?  It is always good to see Denise Richards, and on that level alone, this is a worthwhile take.  For a good film before going off in an RV, never a good idea, see "The Toybox." 

Friday, January 14, 2022

Slime City, When Boyfriends Melt

Happens.  You go out with a nice enough guy.  Then they begin to change...fall apart...melt.  Literally or figuratively, many young women have gone through this.  A good metaphor for this phenomenon is the 1988 film "Slime City," directed by Gregory Lamberson.  Add a heaping amount of gore, murder, and blood splatter, and we have a neat horror film from the golden horror decade of the 80s.

Clean cut college kid Alex (Craig Sabin) moves out of the dorm in order to get some alone time with his nubile coed girlfriend, Lori (Mary Huner).  Lori wants to stay a virgin and likes to study making Alex sexually frustrated.  Then Alex makes two friends with his neighbors.  First, the Goth-beauty Nicole (also played by Huner).  She's a nymphomaniac.  Then with Nicole's boyfriend Roman (Dennis Embry).  Nicole will have deviant sex with Alex and Roman introduces Alex to a new diet.  Now Alex is consuming this weird slime.  Uh oh...the slime makes Alex melt.  The only way Alex can stop melting is to...get this...murder people and have their blood splatter all over him.

Now Alex is finding himself melting a lot.  Thus, Alex is killing a lot...prostitutes, muggers, or friends.  The secrets of this weird diet are revealed and Alex learns what is really happening to him.  As the film continues, Alex becomes more of his new self...a monster maniac.  Uh oh, again! Lori figures she is ready to go all the way, unknowing Alex' new predicament.  The murders increase and Alex changes more.  Lori is ready to give Alex everything and Alex is ready to take it.  Oh yes, Nicole worms her way into Alex' affections, too, as she is the same as what Alex is becoming.

What causes the right guy to fall apart just when it becomes serious?  Will the nubile Lori end up giving her virginity away to a melting monster?  Sure, this is a question many of today's college girls are asking.  Slimy!  Gory!  Disgusting!  Wild!  This film is a minor classic from the 80s that seems to combine the charm of "Street Trash" with the romance of "Re-Animator."  See "Slime City" and realize why any good horror fan misses the 1980s.

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

The Mutation, Rat Man Attacks

When laboratory animals misbehave!  We just don't get enough movies about six-foot tall humanoid rat creatures.  Instead we get what Harrison Ford has been turning out over the past 40 years...pure garbage! Leave it to our friends at Jagged Edge Pictures, they are rivalling The Asylum, to give us a creature feature we actually want to watch.  Today's feature is 2021's "The Mutation," directed by Scott Jeffrey.

Peter (Nick Danan) is conducting experiments in his home laboratory.  This is very often a suspect idea.  Nevertheless, the experiment gets loose and mauls him to death.  The experiment?  The aforementioned rat-man (looks like a cross between Senator Elizabeth Warren and Twiki).  Now rat-man feeds on the U.K.  The police call in a duo of zoologists to help in the capture of rat-man.  The despondent Allen (Ricardo Freitas) and the nubile and perky Julie (Abi Casson Thompson).  Oh yes, Peter's widow, Linda (Amanda Jade-Tyler) also wants to help.  As rat-man (Derek Nelson) eats England, Linda keeps giving Allen gin and is angling to give him a backrub.  When the cops wonder what Allen and Julie are doing to find rat-man, Allen just yells at them and has more gin with the grieving widow.

Now Allen has a plan...a dreadful plan...but its a plan.  Shelve all the firearms and grab baseball bats.  No wonder the empire crumbled.  Rat-man continues eating people...cops, mechanics, party-girls, waitresses, and cooks.  The restaurant massacre scene will be classic, you'll see. Allen yells at the police some more, gets a backrub, and has more gin while waiting for rat-man to come back to the house he was created in.  Now everyone converges on this house waiting for rat-man to return...armed with...baseball bats.  A dramatic final confrontation is a sure bet.  Regardless of the final battle, the ending is epic and perhaps a metaphor for the behavior of the so-called Royal Family.

Will Allen get more than just gin and a backrub from the grieving Linda?  Will the police realize that Allen really has no clue as to how to catch rat-man?  Is Linda's grieving method a good way to find closure?  This is a fun one, as all of Jagged Edge's films are.  For a wonderful Friday night creature feature, see "The Mutation." 

Monday, January 10, 2022

Amazon Hot Box, Orgy of Gore and Sex

Nothing beats a women in prison exploitation film.  Okay, throw in zombies and maybe that will beat it.  Sure, throw in warfare and bombings, big snakes, bottomless pits, nubile secret agents in tight catsuits, torture machines, vicious lesbian sex...yeah, all that is in this film.  It is a brutal film that many will claim is in bad taste and goes too far.  Fine...those peeps can stop reading now.  For those of you who love your exploitation/horror bloody and carnal...2018's "Amazon Hot Box," directed by James Bickert, is for you.

As our film begins a trio of babes is being brought to a South American island female prison. Yes! Penny (Kelsey Carlisle) is a clean cut coed abducted as she studied the environment in the Amazon. Now the babes are brought to a prison where Inga (Ellie Church) is the warden.  Inga dresses in a Nazi uniform and has skin tight latex pants.  The three new girls will be lesbian raped and beaten by the other inmates who are led by Val (Tristan Risk).  Now Inga seeks to torture them to figure if any are American secret agents.  Oh yes, a top-secret U.S. agency, Kill Squad 13, sends Agent Sixx (Jordan Phipps) to infiltrate the prison, rescue Agent 5 (Samara Scott), and destroy it.

Inga is up to no good.  With the help of a mad-scientist and a midget (Aaron Beelner), she turns the country's former rulers into flesh eating zombies.  These ghouls are imprisoned there too.  Also, a torture machine has been developed that is designed to keep the inmate alive while inflicting pain and mutilation. Through every minute of this fine epic, babes are either raped or shredded.  Argent Sixx makes her move, looking really good in her tight catsuit.  After Sixx shreds everyone she meets on the way to the prison, the prison people get the drop on her.  Now Inga's zombies, of course, get out, and carnage will rule.

The beautiful will die often and with so much gore in this one.  Exploitation to the max.  This one is a tribute to those early 1970s drive-in classics.  Will the sultry Agent Sixx make this country proud?  Will the evil but sultry Inga maintain rule on the island nation, the prison, and her zombies?  Will any babe be left alive as the end credits roll?  Carnage, deviant sex, and blood splatter will rule the day in "Amazon Hot Box," see it if you dare. 

Saturday, January 8, 2022

Spider in the Attic, Femmes vs the Arachnids

After this plot gets underway, there is one male in this film.  He's completely worthless.  Okay, granted, most men are.  Fortunately, he will be first to go.  This leaves a bunch of females left to make some of the worst decisions ever put on film.  For example, when the mansion is found to be teeming with monster spiders, thousands of them, the fairer sex decides that the creatures are not a threat and to remain in the web infested structure.  Don't ask.  Still, 2021's "Spider in the Attic," directed by Scott Jeffrey, is an icky creature feature worth a look.

A mad scientist, Dr. Zizerman (Chris Cordell) revives some Nazi experiments on creating mutations by fiddling with genes.  God bless him!  It works and now he has created monster spiders.  The things get out of control and drink him dry in his sleep.  Also, a failing TV producer, Linda (Nicola Wright) has been given an ultimatum...produce a successful show or be fired.  She's sad and will get sadder as she heads home to her worthless daughters.  Belle (Chelsea Greenwood) is nine months pregnant out of wedlock by Daniel the Worthless (Clint Gordon).  Also waiting for her is Lucy (Sarah Alexandra Marks), a soldier babe.  She's unhappy in the army and wants to leave it to pout.  Still, she is quite the babe, and probably a good reason why we are losing the war on terror.

The loser daughters tell Linda she needs to do a crime show in which she actually solves a crime.  Brilliant.  Now all these peeps, and the TV bosses head to an old mansion in Kent to do a story on the above mentioned mad scientist.  They arrive and find their subject infested with spiders and monster spiders climbing all about the mansion.  Leave?  No!  Stay awhile and wait for Belle to go into labor.  Brilliant.  The spiders will have fun, and nutrition, with the women.  Lucy the babe soldier will demonstrate why England's military is a joke.  The spiders will get more aggressive and Belle will go into labor.  Icky crawly cinema, indeed.  Then the ending...you will cherish the ending.

Is this the first movie when we cheer for the Nazi experiments?  Will Linda and her bosses be able to put together a reality show worth while?  Is Lucy symbolic of most British soldiers, and wouldn't she be happier as a naughty stewardess?  Surely a creature feature type film.  CGI spiders may not be everyone's cup of tea but are better than CGI Kate Winslet.  Enjoy a Friday night creature feature and see "Spider in the Attic."

Thursday, January 6, 2022

Doctor of Doom, Mexican Babe Wrestlers and Mad Men

Ah! Women's wrestling.  Yep.  Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Trish Stratus, G.L.O.W.'s Tina Ferrari!  Who are your favorites?  Gratuitous exploitation at its best!  Why hasn't U.S. cinema gone crazy with these babes.  A Gail Kim TV show or movie would be infinitely more interesting than a Kate Winslet film or any of those "Law & Order" idiocies.  Fortunately our good neighbors to the south, at one time, did give the grappling babes some well deserved attention.  Today's feature, 1963's "Doctor of Doom," directed by Rene Cardona. 


Sultry scientist, Alicia (Sonia Infante) is abducted by the mad doctor.  She'll die on his operating table as four babes before her.  The mad doctor seeks to replace someone else's brain into the skull of these babes...a goal of many a husband and boyfriend.  The cops are on this case.  So is Alicia's sultry sister, Gloria Venus (Lorena Velazquez), Mexico's top female wrestler.  Joining Gloria is her best buddie and tag team partner, Golden Rubi (Elizabeth Campbell).  Unfortunately for Gloria and Rubi, the mad doctor has decided that his transplant experiment will work if his babe subjects were athletically adept...hence he seeks our tag team duo.

The gals will be put in immediate danger as the mad doctor sends his half man/half gorilla to fetch the babes.  The monster knocks the babes out and brings them to the secret laboratory.  A lot of wrestling and fighting will occur as the two cops (Armando Campos and Chucho Salinas) will bumble in their investigation.  The gals seem to get the drop on our fiendish mystery man but he is one step ahead of them.  Now, thinking they have escaped a fate worse than death, our two beauties concentrate on wrestling and the two cops. Little do they know, our mad doctor, his thugs, and gorilla-man (Gerardo Zepeda) refuse to be denied.  Now our nubile grapplers are in more danger than ever, in and outside the ring.

What surprises does our doctor of doom have for our beautiful tag team duo?  If the doctor of doom selects Gloria as a mating partner, does this leave Rubi for our gorilla-man?  Can anyone seriously make a claim that a re-make of this film staring Gail Kim would not be the box office sensation of this century?  For some fine Mexican horror/exploitation, see "Doctor of Doom."

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Headhunter: The Assessment Weekend, Human Resources Carnage

Sun Tzu!  The bloke wrote a book on the strategies of war.  Our military academies teach from it...though our troops don't follow it in war zones.  You meet idiots all the time who can quote Sun Tzu.  They aren't fighting wars.  No...these losers are selling appliances, or teaching leadership classes to mid-level management, or doing multi-level marketing.  When corporations teach Sun Tzu to their employees, then we have a good reason why corporate America has lost the admiration of most Americans.  Today's feature, 2010's "Headhunter: The Assessment Weekend," directed by Sebastian Panneck.

A bunch of hopefuls dream of working for the Takahashi Corporation.  Owned and run by Takahashi (Maverick Quek).  This guy believes in Sun Tzu philosophy and wants his job candidates to look at business like war.  He has tapped into the Millennials well.  Six candidates vie for one position.  Takahashi sends the six for an assessment weekend, supervised by his psychologist, Tom (Clayton Nemrow)...a hunk.  Tom develops an instant crush on beauty, Sarah (Shannon Lower), ticking off Brad (Keith Blasor), wo lusts for Sarah, too.  Also along are the not-as-beautiful-as-Sarah chick Frankie (Mareike Fell), brain Simon (Jesse Inman), and a few other throwaways.  As the group begins their hike in the Polish wilderness, the weird and bloody begins.

Violence and death rear their ugly heads.  Beheadings and group strife become rampant.  Now the group realizes that 'there can be only one.'  Takahashi uses the greed and narcissism of the group members to whittle them down to the one perfect candidate for his corporation.  The carnage will prove to be a perfect metaphor for today's western corporate culture and leadership training.  Throats will be slit, heads will roll, and carnal behavior will rule.  Survival of the fittest?  Perhaps.  

Is John Maxwell's leadership philosophy the same as Takahashi's, only in a more palatable instruction guide?  Has Takahashi's personnel strategy taken over much of western civilization?  Will Tim or Brad end up with the nubile Sarah?  Vicious and heavy with metaphor and messages, "Headhunter: The Assessment Weekend" is a perfect film to inspire a country to demand Jeff Bezos pay his fair share of taxes. 

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Beyond the Trek, What Big Pharma Really has Planned

This 2017 film came out before all this "COVID 19" idiocy.  Today, the government and Big Hollywood would have shelved it.  The dissenting theme would have done it in.  Dissenting to the pharmaceutical industry and their shills in congress.  They would not have allowed today's feature to have seen the light of day.  Still we have some of the most sultry space-babes, and hunkiest space-hunks ever put on the silver screen in 2017's "Beyond the Trek."  Directed by Ian Truitner, this may be the film the public health industry, the CDC, our government, and Big Pharma do not want you to see. 

A mysterious rescue mission sees a spaceship carrying two babes (Iris and Emma, Sunny Mabrey and Christian Pitre) and three hunks (Commander Linden, Chris, and Dr, Orson, played by Lance Broadway, T.J. Hoban, and Mykel Shannon Jenkins) to Titan, Saturn's biggest moon.  A couple of years ago, another ship was there filling up with a secret cargo...now all communications have ceased.  Our aforementioned crew is tasked with finding survivors and retrieving the cargo.  Oh yes...our babes and hunks?  Genetically Modified humans.  Big Pharma and the government has deemed this genetic modification safe.  This new scientific hanky-panky with human DNA prevents sickness, anxiety, violence, and any other anti-social behavior in humanity.

Now all humans are genetically modified and it is all working out so great.  Well, the spaceship reaches the derelict one in orbit around Titan.  No cargo anywhere.  One survivor, Travis (Weetus Cren).  It soon appears as if Travis murdered all his crewmates.  Iris is tasked with interrogating him.  What Iris finds out is horrific...but may lay doubt to the theory that Travis is a killer.  Travis' only companionship, after the death of all his crewmates is the ship's computer, and android called LuLu (Ursula Mills).  Weird, Travis reprogrammed LuLu into a pleasure droid...or did he?  Now the genetically modified crew begins showing anxiety, sex drives, violence, and mind lapses.  As our perfect humans begin deteriorating into anti-social behavior, the exact truth about genetic modification comes out...and so does the exact nature of the missing cargo.

Still think Pfizer is here to help?  See this film.  The characters are extremely attractive and the questions posed are good ones for us to wrestle with.  Is Big Pharma's, and our government's view of health and good behavior the same as us regular folks' idea of them?  This one starts out as a neat psychological thriller, but fear not...it will get quite brutal.  See "Beyond the Trek" for a vicious view of what may be playing out here on Earth right now.