Saturday, November 26, 2022

Cold Fusion, Lesbian Strippers Battle UFOs and Ukranians

The President, Congress, the media, our intelligence community...they are all lying to us.  Don't listen to any of them in trying to figure out what actually is happening in The Ukraine.  In 2014, the Obama Administration and the CIA overthrew the Ukrainian government and installed this Zelenskyy bozo.  Because of this, World War 3 looms.  Hence our film today, 2011's "Cold Fusion," directed by Ivan Mitov.  Alas, this film may shed some light on what is really going on.  As hokey as it is, the makers of "Cold Fusion" seemed to have it right.

In 1982 Soviet fighters shoot down a UFO near Kiev.  A secret lab is stood up to determine what made the UFO tick, with special attention to its weapons system.  Fast forward, present day...Iowa is blown up by an EMP...very sad...our government puts out a cover story that Islamic terrorists did it.  We know better and American army guy, Jack Unger (Adrian Paul) sends a sultry mercenary, Lila (Sarah Brown) to Moscow. She is told to hook up with Russian agent, Katia (Michelle Lee).  After killing many Ukrainians, don't ask, she reaches Russia and meets up with the sultry Katia.  The two are tasked to find the secret lab and figure out what this UFO is capable of and what the Ukrainian scientists and military are doing with it.  By the way, the Ukrainians then blow up Vladivostok with an EMP...very sad.

Katia has a plan.  A better one than Bush's plan to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.  Her and Lila will impersonate lesbian strippers, get hired at a Moscow strip club, and steal an access card to this secret lab from one of the customers.  Katia tutors Lila and teaches her some very sensual lesbian stripper moves.  The duo infiltrate the club and develop an erotic lesbian act, kill a bunch of Russians, don't ask, and get the access card.  Now they head to the lab, infiltrate it, murder a bunch of Ukrainian soldiers and eventually find the UFO.  They better hurry...whatever the Ukrainians have planned, several more cities in the middle east will be the target.  The U.S. is already creating cover stories to blame Iran and launch their own World War 3. 


Ivan Mitov and the creators of "Cold Fusion" are more honest than CNN, Fox News, our government, and especially our Intel community.  More importantly, Ms. Lee and Ms. Brown are incredibly sensual and convincing as lesbian strippers.  Why don't we have more movies about hot lesbian strippers saving civilization?  Okay, that's it.  Watch "Cold Fusion" and turn off the television news and ignore anything that comes out of the White House.

Thursday, November 24, 2022

Track of the Vampire, Beatnik Artist Vampire Shreds Models

Straight out of the 1960s.  We have beatnik artist types.  More important, we have bikini clad babes, underwear clad babes, formal wear clad babes, and naked babes.  Don't get attached to any of them, they'll all die horribly.  Then we have a vampire...maybe.  In what ends up as a brutal and shocking horror film with a lot of cheese and gore, we have a Roger Corman-like film in 1966's "Track of the Vampire" (aka "Blood Bath"), directed by Jack Hill and Stephanie Rothman...and with a cameo by Corman.

Antonio Sardi (William Campbell) is a highly sought after artist.  Weird guy.  His studio is in a bell tower of an old church and he paints beautiful women in the agony of death.  His genre is labeled "Dead Red Nudes."  Models flock to him.  After a couple of babes have been murdered by a vampire in some erotic scenes, Daisy (Marissa Mathes) pleads with Antonio to paint her.  She even sheds all her clothes before being asked to.  Mistake.  Antonio murders her and paints her.  Two other babes of note, sultry ballet dancer Dorean (Lori Saunders) and Donna (Sandra Knight).  Dorean is a babe who prances around in a bikini the whole film and is really loved by Antonio.  Donna is Daisy's sister who investigates her disappearance and now follows Antonio.

The vampire hangs out at the beach and pool parties.  He finds babes, drags them in the water, undresses them, and bites their necks.  Is this vampire Antonio?  Maybe.  Antonio's ancestors were burned at the stake for similar anti-social behavior.  There also appears to be a vixen from centuries ago that he is trying to resurrect.  Strippers, models, and bikini babes will all fall in gruesome fashion as Antonio keeps putting out his Dead Red Nudes. Now Antonio is really falling in love with Dorean, who fills out a bikini like no other woman.  Uh oh for Antonio...Donna is smart and suspects him of her sister's disappearance. 


Is Antonio the vampire?  Why is Antonio murdering these babes?  Is this film a metaphor for the ultimate track of the hippie/beatnik existence, which is death?  The cheese factor in this film is superb. Sadly, the babes will all die horribly.  For a neat 1960s horror flick incorporating the beatnik scene, see "Track of the Vampire." 

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Halloween Girl, The Complete Graphic Novel

Last May I reviewed the first two comic books of what would eventually be part of an entire graphic novel, "Halloween Girl."  Today, I am pleased to say, I am going to expound on the completed graphic novel by Richard T. Wilson.  Mr. Wilson has given us a heroine, Charlotte, and she is a babe...sadly, she is also a ghost.  The sultry ghost-babe faced so much peril from an evil cult/order, spider creatures, and other otherworldly dangers.  Alas, her perils will only intensify as the completed graphic novel adds about 75% to the story.  Mr. Wilson will take us beyond the evils he wrote about in the first two chapters and deliver us to into a world of deadly betrayals, more creatures, conniving demons, and the brink of our world's apocalypse.  Fortunately, the sultry Charlotte will take us by the hand and be our guide.

Charlotte won't be the only beauty gracing the pages of "Halloween Girl."  Meet Lenore Poe.  She'll befriend Charlotte and pull her out of the evils of the first two chapters.  Who is Poe?  Also a ghost.  Can she be trusted? You'll see...but we hope so, as she is very likable and a real dish, herself.  She also has knowledge that Charlotte needs.  Sadly, Charlotte died 10 years previous and now her baby (now 10 years old) is in mortal danger from demons that make up the Hollow.  The Hollow wants souls and currently they have Luke, Charlotte's son.  Poe can bring her to their lair...but this will put Poe's very existence in danger.  If Charlotte wants an opportunity to rescue her son from the Hollow, she will have to put Poe in mortal danger.

Now Poe and Charlotte are tasked.  Uh oh...we find out Poe's backstory and the backstory for the Hollow. This will be very disconcerting as we understand the peril Poe faces in helping Charlotte.  The Hollow lives in deceit and destruction and our two ghost-babes are, of course, walking into a trap.  This may not be such a bad thing as Charlotte and Poe have attitude, a sense of righteousness, and the ability to improvise when needed.  As the Hell-like lair of the Hollow beckons with razor sharp teeth, Poe and Charlotte press on in a quest to save the innocent Luke.  Little do they realize, a lot more is at stake than just Luke's life. 


Brilliant artistry conveys the beauty of Charlotte and the eeriness of her world.  Mr. Wilson's story is fast-paced and ominous.  As the pages turn, Charlotte falls deeper into the evil world of the Hollow and its monsters and deceit.  From Young Adults all the way to old adults, Richard T. Wilson's graphic novel "Halloween Girl" will captivate, terrify, and take you on a horrific journey.  Read "Halloween Girl" today!

To get a copy of "Halloween Girl" or find out more about it, click on this link HALLOWEEN GIRL 



       

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Pep Squad, Prom Queen Hopefuls Dying Horribly

Yeah...one might call this film a bargain basement "Carrie."  However, while "Carrie" was a bit shallow, short on social commentary, and over-acted, 1998's "Pep Squad," directed by Steve Balderson is filled with contemporary social commentary and even has a bobbing for marshmallow orgy.  If you are looking for moviemakers to outline, pay attention to balance, and story board...stop reading now.  If you are looking for cheese, gratuitous nudity and violence, and a lot of homicide, stay tuned. 

Prom is coming up at Oak Hill High and hunk student president Scott (Adrian Pujol) will crown the queen at the conclusion of the prom.  He announces the eight finalists, which include the bisexual Julie (Summer Makovkin) and the clean cut babe Beth (Jennifer Dreiling).  Oh yes, bitchy conniver Terra (Amy Kelly) is also a finalist.  Who isn't a finalist?  Better question.  Psycho Cherry (Brooke Balderson) is not a finalist.  In a very homicidal snit, Cherry decides to murder all the finalists.  She'll embark on this quest mowing down beautiful high schoolers.  Uh oh...psychos aren't the only ones with issues in high school.  Beth is the new target for rape and molestation by pervert principal Mr. Anderson (Eric Sherman).

Julie, Scott, and Beth form a friendship.  Cherry continues arming herself and murdering.  Terra plots an angle to be named Prom Queen.  What ensues is more murder,  more nubile babes getting mauled, the aforementioned orgy,  schoolgirl rivalry, deviant sex...and a whole slew of other minor characters emerging as potential serial killers.  When Cherry joins Beth, Scott, and Julie in a weird and twisted plot of revenge, more bodies will fall and the fate of the new Prom Queen, whoever it is, is sealed in blood.

What will happen to the babe who is eventually named Prom Queen?  Will Beth, Scott, and Julie pay with their own blood for making a bargain with psycho Cherry?  Does Terra really know what she is in for by angling to be Prom Queen?  Perhaps a metaphor for what is really happening in American high school. Or perhaps this film is just a vehicle for nudity, deviance with marshmallows, and brutal homicide.  All good, whatever way you choose to view it.  Watch "Pep Squad" and see what might have been if Stephen King took a moment to think before penning "Carrie."  

Sunday, November 20, 2022

Maniac Killer, Cult Tortures and Shreds Parisian Babes

Woke-ism is the new Puritanism.  Just like the religious zealots of the 17th century, the woke-masters of today will soon meet their reckoning.  Feminine beauty seems to be a target of Puritanism and woke-ism.  Today, ugly men are winning beauty pageants which used to be for beautiful females.  This is not sustainable and today we see woke-ism getting pounded and shunned...good!  So let us look at a piece of Euro-trash from France in which sultry Euro-babes get shredded by a Puritanical cult which objects to beautiful women.  Today we look at 1987's "Maniac Killer" (known on Tubi as "Mania Killer"), directed by Andrea Bianchi.

Loose Parisian women are being abducted by a weird cult.  Gondrand (Robert Ginty) is wealthy castle owner who has a torture chamber/temple in his dungeon, the Fixer Upper suggestion of a bonus room was rejected.  As our film begins, his henchman abducts nightclub hostess Rosalee (Isabelle Rochard).  She'll be chained up, stripped, fondled, whipped, burned, and humiliated.  Okay, talk about being miscast, enter Dr. Osborne (Chuck Connors).  He was expelled from America for conducting fatal experiments on beautiful women (he must have worked for the CDC). Now he is doing his experiments in Paris.  Also enter Count Silvano (Bo Svenson).  At his party he catches his wife, the beautiful Countess Silvano (Paulina Adrian) sucking face with Gondrand. The Count has Gondrand thrown out.

The torture continues and Rosalee continues to draw Gondrand's wrath.  Oh yes, Gondrand uses the beautiful Lysia (Suzanne Andrews) to do the whipping.  Lysia seems to get off on whipping and scalding other beautiful women.  The cult believes that beautiful women are Satan's tools and must repent, confess, and have their beauty marred (they must have majored in Feminist Studies at an American university).  Lysia and Gondrand seem to get off on marring the Euro-babes.  Now Gondrand acts on his anger and abducts Countess Silvano.  The Euro-babe is also strung up in the torture chamber and Lysia can't wait to whip her.  But wait!  How about our mad scientist?  Osborne is on the run and just might, in very ironic fashion, be able to help the Countess.

Will the Countess be rescued before Lysia's whip and branding iron mar her?  Are American beauties being teed up for similar treatment by the woke neo-Puritans in this country?  Exactly who casted Chuck Connors and Bo Svenson in this film (not that we mind)?  Erotic and very misogynistic, "Maniac Killer" is some neat Euro-trash with a very interesting cast.   

Friday, November 18, 2022

The Devil's Mistress, Vampire Babe vs. Cowboys

I admit it.  This film will probably only be liked by peeps who actually watch MST3K for the movie.  I'm one of those. Still, it is always nice to see the combination of a horror film and an oater.  The Old West is really a perfect setting for vampires...and especially vampire vixens.  That is what we have today as we look at 1965's "The Devil's Mistress," directed by Orville Wanzer.

Four cowboys are on the run after pulling off a deadly heist.  Will (Oren Williams) leads the quartet which features the clean cut kid Frank (Robert Gregory) and the evil duo of Joe (Douglas Warren) and Charlie (Wes Moreland).  They flee through Apache territory and must be low key so as not to be noticed by those Indians.  The cowboys come across a macabre cabin in a valley and approach.  Will is hesitant as it looks lifeless.  They are greeted by the weird puritan-like figure Jeroboam (Arthur Resley).  He invites them in for a meal.  His beautiful but mute daughter, Leah (Joan Stapleton) serves three of the men.  Will, spooked by the cabin and the duo that lives there, does not enter.  The three others have a too long and very gratuitous eating scene featuring bad manners, slurping, and burps.

The evil cowboys kill Jeroboam and rape Leah.  Joe and Charlie abduct Leah and catch up to Will and Frank.  Uh oh...Leah's turn.  Charlie will make Leah suck face with him and have his lifeforce sucked out.  Now Leah is on the warpath and the other three have no idea what is going on.  Leah turns on the seduction and tries to suck more face and swap a lot of spit with the other cowboys.  If they give in to her hypnotic beauty, it will be at their peril.  Uh oh...sucking lifeforce out of men is not Leah's only anti-social behavior...as many of you guys may have found out from your ex-wives.

Will any of the cowboys survive the seductive and homicidal tendencies of their new vampire friend?  Does Leah have one of the cowboys in mind for her mate?  How many men reading this have had their lifeforces sucked out of them by a sultry babe?  A fable about the evils that beautiful women can do to men?  A vampire horror story set in the Old West?  Either way, this film has some creepy scenes and plots and finishes with quite a bang.  See "The Devil's Mistress" today and never return to the clean cut "Bonanza" episodes on the western channel on satellite TV.    

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Lady Hyde, Nutsoid Redhead Strips Nude and Murders

I know what you're thinking.  I can hear your thoughts.  You desperately desire a movie with a sultry redhead who is insane, who strips nude, and sometime dons purple hair, and kills in very erotic ways.  While some desire stupid superhero films...you are a reader of this blog...you want the nutsoid redhead.  Today we have Liz Claire's magnum opus.  Yep...she plays the aforementioned redhead.  Warning...this one does cross the line a few times.  If you pay real close attention, it will cross the line a lot.  If you have the nerve, today we will look at 2022's "Lady Hyde," directed by Jason Rudy.

Jane (Clare) is a sultry and mostly nude, wife of Dr. Graham (Rudy).  She loves having sex with him...you'll see.  Graham has developed a vaccine for COVID 19 but since he doesn't work for Big Pharma, his colleagues strip him of his credentials and destroy his lab.  Distraught, Graham commits suicide as Jane is nude and asleep in bed.  Oh yes, Jane?  Nutsoid.  Major league anger issues because of being sexually traumatized as a child.  She has learned to keep her vicious anger inside but when her husband dies because of his colleagues actions...she lets it all out.  The babe strips, or dons erotic undies, and starts her mission of revenge.

The deaths, murders, actually are steamy...and bloody.  Jane will work to seduce her prey, often with nudity or kinky underwear...even the female doctors.  My favorite death scene concerned a professional wrestling role play with heavy lesbian tones...you will see.  I won't say too much, but the voices of rage inside her head haunt Jane during her spree.  I also won't tell you about Dr. Graham's corpse and what Jane does to it.  By the way, there is a detective looking into all these crimes played by Ryan Gingery.  Kudos to Jason Rudy for having enough guts to utter some truths about COVID 19 deaths that all other filmmakers avoid mentioning.  You'll see.

Will Jane complete her mission of revenge and murder every scientist responsible for her husband's suicide?  If she does murder all the scientists, will the voices of rage subside and let her live a normal life?  Is the portrayal of the science community in this film a blunt metaphor for the U.S. science community's handling of the COVID 19 episode over the past couple of years?  Erotic and vicious, this film will hit you strongly.  Liz Clare's performance is sultry and horrific, and you will see her in your mind long after this film ends.  See "Lady Hyde" and it is all right if you don't mention the film in polite company.  

Monday, November 14, 2022

The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter, Nubile Babes Die Horribly

Gratuitous nudity in the shower.  Gratuitous nudity in a hot tub.  Throats slit.  Babes gutted.  Babes strung up.  More gratuitous nudity in the shower.  Yep...if you like Cate Blanchett or Meryl Streep films...stop reading.  Every now and then we need a film like like 2022's "The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter," directed by Christopher Leto.  This will have a high death count, a lot of nudity, more than one babe knifed to death while nude in the shower, and pre-marital sex.  Let us begin.

Lisa (Indica Jane) is the head cheerleader.  Her and her squad have a big game coming up this weekend. After practice, Ali (Vera Marlowe) is the last to change and is in the locker room.  She'll shower, quite gratuitously, and have her throat slashed by a razor killer. Enter the nubile Lori (Taylor Herd)...I admit it, she's my favorite.  She desperately wants on the cheer squad but Lisa hates her for some unknown reason. The murders continue as Summer (Mikayla Kane) gets it in her car by the razor killer. Then we meet some hunks, Bo (Beux Leto) and Joe (Colin O'Neill). Bo is Renee's (Sydney Spaulding) main squeeze and will end up in a hot tub with her. Joe wants to get in Lisa's pants.  You'll see how that works out.

The cheerleaders keep dying horribly.  A sleepover is planned for Ali's house...but she is...well, dead. Lori steps up and invites the babes to her house for the sleepover...they hesitantly accept.  Brandy (Sydni O'Nan), alas, won't make it to the party...the beautiful die so horribly in these films.  Suspects? Lori of course...but is that too easy?  Oh, Lori has a sweet BF, Jason (Jayden Leto)...maybe him?  Or is that too easy?  The dying continues as cheerleaders get strangled, suffocated, gutted, and strung up...so sad.  Whoever this slasher is, he (or she) has something against cheerleaders, to say the least.  There will be heavy drinking, making out, groping in a jacuzzi, and more murder.

What is it about cheerleader squads that we, as movie viewers, secretly cheer on their murderers?  In a Battle Royale Catfight...who would win...Team Cheerleader or Team Sorority Sister?  Kudos and thanks for Christopher Leto who has given us a film which we actually want to see.  Do yourself a favor...have a sleepover, invite scantily clad babes, and put on TubiTV and watch "The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter."  

Saturday, November 12, 2022

Destination Inner Space, Sea Monster and Flying Saucer

We haven't done a good sea monster film in a while.  Today we'll see a nice rubber-suited creature that is a combination of the fiends in "Humanoids from the Deep" and "Creature from the Black Lagoon."  This one, however, is from outer space and will play havoc on hunks and babes on an undersea research facility.  Yep...we'll have the military (let's murder it) versus the science community (let's study it)...and two babes as bait.  Today, we look at 1966's "Destination Inner Space."

Commander Wayne (Scott Brady), all Navy hunk, is summoned to an undersea laboratory.  The head scientist, Dr. LaSatier (Gery Merrill) and his crew have come across a flying saucer submerged in the depths.  The saucer is giving off weird hydroponic noises.  Oh yes, Maddox (Mike Read) is also on board the laboratory and he hates Wayne.  Maddox is also a hunk and is in love with nubile SeaLab diver, Sandy (Wende Wagner).  Lucky for Wayne, Dr. Rene (Sheree North) is also on board.  Wayne and Rene are sweet on each other from the moment they meet.  However irrelevant Rene is in this plot, she's a blonde babe and gets Wayne's juices flowing. 

Maddox, Wayne, and the nubile Sandy head over to the saucer and board it.  They find a weird cannister and bring it back to the lab.  Mistake!  The thing hatches and a hulking reptile-like monster causes havoc.  Now the monster tries to destroy the laboratory.  It cuts off communications to topside, ruins its airlines, and makes Sandy scream.  I bet Maddox wishes he could have done that last one.  With air running out, Wayne has some great ideas that utilize spear guns.  His scientific counterpart, Dr. LaSatier, would prefer communicating with it.  Right!  Sandy screams some more, and Rene continues in her irrelevancy, but both look really good.  The monster gets more menacing as the Earthlings seem to be the underdog.


 Will Sandy or Rene be able to suck face with either of the two hunks?  Any chance of the monster capturing one of the babes and doing to them what the fiends did to their captured women in "Humanoids from the Deep"?  Does Dr. LaSatier have a chance of communicating with the monster before Wayne punches him in the jaw?  A terrific looking cast, shiny and wet in much of this film, and a neat rubber-suited monster highlight this science fiction tale.  For a neat creature feature, see "Destination Inner Space."  

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Night of the Tommyknockers, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre Meets Feast

A good old fashioned Western with greed as its theme.  A horror flick where a motley crew of survivors inside a bar fight off monsters.  The Mahal Empire has combined the two to give us 2022's "Night of the Tommyknockers," directed by Michael Su. There will be toothy and hungry man-eating fiends, saloon girls in peril, gunfighters, babes with guns, and all out war.  Michael Su and the Mahal Empire continue to give us fabulous horror films with lots of blood and cheese.  

Dirk (Richard Grieco) and his gang roll into town and pull off a bloody bank robbery.  In a shoot-out, they escape.  The gang is on the run and includes an inside-man (babe, actually), the gun-toting, fast talking Betsy (Angela Cole).  Uh oh...they next pull into another town...the wrong town, to say the least.  Miners in a nearby gold mine blew a wall out to reach a gold deposit.  They found gold...and the toothy monsters that guard it.  By the time Dirk and gang reach the town, it has been reduced to a veritable ghost town by the hungry monsters .  Every survivor in the town is holed up in a saloon and adjacent cathouse...this is so good!  Soon Sheriff Steed (Tom Sizemore) fills Dirk in.  Oh yes, Dirk's number two guy, Lucky (Robert LaSardo) stays outside and battles the creatures in the graveyard...what a guy.

The motley crew of survivors seem ill equipped and mistakenly believe Dirk, Betsy, Lucky, and a few others are their saviors...probably not, sadly. Even better, a homicidal bounty hunter (Michael Beran) follows Dirk and his peeps to the besieged town. He aims to kill every gang member.  In the saloon, blonde babe Julia (Jessica Morris) may just have a way to fight the monsters.  As the stand-off extends, the monsters get more aggressive and begin eating saloon girls and gunfighter alike, as well as conducting raids into the saloon.  As Dirk shows no compunction to going on a noble path, Julia starts using her brains and enlists Fred (BJ Mezek) in her plot.  Now the fiends and Dirk seem to vie for the title of head monster in this once dusty town.

Is there any way Julia, Fred, and other survivors can overcome toothy menaces and cranky bank robbers? Would Humphrey Bogart in the above mentioned classic have held on to his quest for gold as long as he did if toothy monsters were a condition to possessing it?  Gunfights!  Saloon gals!  Blonde babes with guns!  Michael Su has given us everything we want in this film.  Horror and the Old West is a combination that the Mahal Empire wisely concocted to give us all a thrilling ride.  For a great action flick with blood and guns, see "Night of the Tommyknockers," which will be released on November 25. 

Trailer for this film, click on this link Tommyknockers Trailer on YouTube     

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Vulcan, Son of Jupiter, Gods, Mortals, and Scantily Clad Babes

Okay...it is Euro-trash.  Maybe a bargain basement Hercules-type film.  More important, two lovely Italian actresses, Bella Cortez and Annie Gorassini will deliver the best catfight in filmdom history.  They both frolic and prance around the entire film in skimpy togas...having pre-marital sex or being whipped and spanked.  Then the duo will turn their claws on each other and whip one another's butt, pull one another's hair, strangle one another, bitch-slap each other, and humiliate the other.  Oh yes...you gals will like the beefcake as many men go shirtless, grunt, flex, and deliver passionate kisses and groping to our catfighters.  Today we look at a serious contribution to the subgenre of sword and sorcery, 1962, "Vulcan, Son of Jupiter," directed by Emimmo Salvi.

Babe/slut/goddess Venus (Gorassini) has wandered away from Mount Olympus and shows up on Earth.  She engages in pre-marital sex and frolicking with any male she can find.  Mars (Roger Browne) wants to marry her so he fights with Vulcan (Iloosh Khoshabe). See, Venus really wants Vulcan.  Jupiter (Furio Meniconi) is upset that Venus has run away and casts Mars and Vulcan to earth to find her.  Mars finds her first and the two engage in kissing, groping, and pre-marital sex.  Mars plots with Pluto to kill Vulcan.  Meanwhile, Vulcan lands on the seashore where Aetna (Cortez) falls in love with him at first sight. Like all hunks, Vulcan is bad luck and Aetna and her nubile friends are then abducted, with Vulcan, by lizard monsters...happens.

Let's not talk about the midget...it will only annoy you.  Aetna now lusts for Vulcan and the two escape with Neptune's (Omero Gargana) help...trust me.  Now the duo head to find Mars and Venus.  They, of course fall in love.  The skimpy toga worn by Aetna leaves little to the imagination.  We just know that when Venus sees her, the claws will be bared.  Now Venus is told Vulcan loves a mortal named after an insurance company...and she is ticked.  Mars is determined to murder Vulcan, knowing he can never have Venus unless he takes care of his rival.  The two babes will frolic, dance, roll around in the hay, and make passion with their men.  Yep...it all culminates in a big war which includes the above mentioned catfight.

During the catfight, will either Venus or Aetna tear the other's toga off?  Is the catfight between Aetna and Venus a metaphor for the dating life of sorority babes in the American university system?  Is this film a metaphor for the annihilation of globalist empires in the West as civilization states rise in the East and in Russia?  Cheese and beef to the max.  For nubile beauties behaving badly and loving men, and beefcake grunting and sweating a lot...see "Vulcan, Son of Jupiter."  

Sunday, November 6, 2022

I Like Bats, If Emmanuelle was a Vampire

I know we're looking at a vampire film today. A nice Euro-trash vampire film, at that.  Still, 1986's "I Like Bats" (directed by Grzegorz Warchol) has the aura of one of those 1970s "Emmanuelle" films. Our sultry Euro-babe vampire is naked a lot...skinny dips...engages in steamy and sweaty sex...and is a nymphomaniac.  Still, we have horror as our babe vampire frolics and loves using seduction and fangs along the way.  Today we look at one from Poland.  Okay, I'm hearing you guys already.  No! A frolicking and sex crazed vampire is not a metaphor for your exes...I don't care if they sucked the life out of you...we're dealing with something different here...I think.

The sultry blonde Izabela (Katarzyna Walter) works in her weird aunt's (Malgorzata Lorentowicz) curiosity shop.  Her aunt wants her to meet a guy and get married, but Izabela does not appear to be interested.  In reality, by night, Izabela turns into a seductress and attracts men...then bites their necks.  The bodies pile up but the cops have no clues.  Then Izabela meets Dr. Rudolf (Marek Barbasiewicz), a psychiatrist...and she is in love.  Big problem for her...he's not interested (maybe he's divorced). She scams her way into his institute in the country saying she is a nymphomaniac...which she is.  The treatment is weird.  Nymphomaniac nurses are having steamy sex and Izabela wants some too.

Then the murders begin inside the asylum...Izabela needs blood and men need...well, her.  Big mistake on their part.  Other weird experiments suggest Izabela really is a vampire.  Now Rudolf may be at a point where he believes her.  Skinny dipping...steamy sweaty sex in the greenhouse, murder, and one weird mad doctor and his twisted asylum await.  You'll see.  As Rudolf allows himself to fall in love with Izabela, the surrounding cast gets more insane...and dies at a greater rate.

If Rudolf does fall in love with Izabela...will she bite him, too?  Is steamy and sweaty sex a good cure for vampirism?  Is Izabela a metaphor for women of western civilization...suck the life and soul out of men? Still...if you have a fondness for those old "Emmanuelle" films, and also love vampire films...and Euro-trash...see "I Like Bats." 

Friday, November 4, 2022

An Angel for Satan, Love Shredded

This is Barbara Steele's final Italian Gothic horror film.  No one says Gothic Italian horror like Barbara Steele.  The exotic beauty would make more horror films but possession and witchcraft just ooze out of her very being in her 1960s films.  Okay, stop it.  All you divorced guys out there...I'm talking about Barbara Steele, not your ex wives.  Today we look at the horrific and haunting 1966 film "An Angel for Satan," directed by Camillo Mastrocinque.

Robert (Anthony Steffen) arrives at an island in the lake.  He's a mediocre artist and not swift on the uptake...but he is a hunk.  He has been summoned to the island where Count Montebruno (Claudio Gora) will host him at his mansion/villa. Robert will be asked to restore a 200 year old statue of one of his ancestors that has just been recovered from the lake. The statue is cursed and the woman who it was crafted after was a witch.  Yep...people who come into contact with the statue die horribly.  Also arriving at the villa is the Count's niece, Harriet (Steele).  She's stunning and is ready to assume the role of the Mistress of the estate.  Her and Robert fall in love.  Yep...she's a spitting image of her 200 year old witch ancestor.

As all babes do...Harriet gets possessed and changes. Now stop it...This is not a metaphor for every young woman out there...you divorced guys have got to get over it!  Back to the film...The possessed Harriet causes chaos with the young lovers.  Beautiful babes in the island will die horribly and young men will also die horribly.  Everyone in love sees their relationships end in carnage, homicide, or butchery.  Harriet will seduce hunk and babe alike...and turn the lovers against one another.  Finally Robert gets a clue.  I guess he originally figured Harriet was behaving like most women. Now Robert, after witnessing some horrific and heartbreaking murders, acts.  Some of the scenes in this film are disturbing and will leave some haunting images in your brain long after your ex-wife has sued your butt off.

Will Harriet's possession lead to her and Robert's demise?  Is being possessed by a 200 year old dead witch something many young men have theorized about their girlfriends?  Should Robert have tried a good swift kick in the behind to exorcize Harriet early on in this film?  This is a good one and Barbara Steele shows why she is one of the greatest horror actresses of all time.  See "An Angel for Satan," and be careful...your wife or girlfriend has equally as gory stories of how you have changed over recent times.  

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

The Manipulator, A Very Deviant Mickey Rooney

The immediate comparison to today's film would be 1965's "The Collector."  In that one, a ravishing Samantha Eggar, with wonderful flowing red hair, is ultimately murdered in heartbreaking fashion. Fast forward to 1971 and "The Manipulator."  Here, another beautiful redhead is abducted, tormented, and driven to madness...but will Luana Anders survive in this one?  Oh yes...Mickey Rooney!  He's our psycho today, and a very deviant one.  Other comparisons may include "King Lear," "Sunset Boulevard," and "The Dresser."  You may figure out the themes in this one touch on madness and the theater.  Directed by Yabo Yablonsky, "The Manipulator" will keep you uncomfortable and repulsed.

As our story begins, sultry redheaded actress Carlotta (Anders) has been held prisoner by insane movie director B.J. Lang (Rooney).  She is being deprived food and water and kept on the top floor of an abandoned prop warehouse. Lang has dressed her up in costume and keeps her tied up in a wheelchair.  Her starvation is driving her mad but she still seeks escape.  Lang is mad.  His best days are behind him.  He is no longer sought after and this is killing him.  In madness, Lang convinces himself that Carlotta is there to be the leading lady in his new film.  She begs for food and water and screeches as her sanity is dwindling.

Both hallucinate.  Starvation causes Carlotta to have horrific and perverted hallucinations.  Lang's insanity cause his hallucinations.  Deviant orgies including babies and transvestites fill Lang's mind.  Both characters will have their dream worlds mesh.  Lang will attack and terrify Carlotta.  Carlotta may in fact be turning into the same type of insaniac as Lang.  Where will this all lead?  Homicide, deviance, and more madness.  Again, we'll desperately desire Carlotta to survive...especially if we remember what happened to Ms. Eggar in "The Collector."

Will Carlotta survive until the end credits?  Will her mind be intact even if she does survive?  What are Lang's ultimate plans for his very beautiful prisoner?  Weird...deviant...unsettling...and disgusting at times.  For 90 minutes of madness and horror...see "The Manipulator."  

Monday, October 31, 2022

Lust for a Vampire, A Sensual Hammer Production

The late 60s and early 70s gave us the most sensual Hammer horror films ever made.  Euro-babes were re-branded Hammer Glamour Girls and we saw a lot of their breasts and uber-nubileness.  No erotic Hammer vampire film was more erotic than 1971's "Lust for a Vampire," directed by Jimmy Sangster.  Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing would be missing from this one but Denmark born model/actress Yutte Stensgaard, and her impressive cleavage, is all we need in this film.

A virgin, blonde, barmaid with big and visible cleavage is hopping home one day.  A carriage stops and she gets in...mistake.  The nubile beauty is brought to the Karnstein castle, put on an alter, and drained of her blood.  The babe's blood is then poured on a corpse of a vampire, dead over 100 years, Carmilla.  Now Carmilla is resurrected and placed in a finishing school for babes...she is now Mircalla (Stensgaard).  Everyone who sees her falls in love with her even her babe classmates.  She'll have lesbian trysts with many of them including skinny dipping with her lover Susan (Pippa Steel).  Also arriving at the school is gadabout/writer Richard Lestrange (Michael Johnson).  He'll lie his way into employment at the place even though he is only looking for pre-marital sex with Euro-babes.  He'll initially have eyes for Janet (Suzanne Leigh), who teaches sexy dancing to the girls.

Then Richard sees Mircalla...and he is in love.  Meanwhile, Mircalla kisses and gets naked with her babe classmates and eventually bites Susan.  Other girls are bitten and go missing.  Richard falls more and more into a weird spell cast by Mircalla's beauty and cleavage.  Now Janet falls in love with Lestrange and begins to suspect vampirism at the school.  Uh oh...Mircalla, guided by Count Karnstein (Mike Raven) guides Mircalla to many of her killings.  Having a taste for nubile and naked Euro-babes, Janet is now on Mircalla's radar.


Will Mircalla and Janet get naked together and skinny dip?  Will Richard's love for Mircalla sway her to choose him over her master, Count Karnstein?  Is Mircalla merely eliminating her completion by biting her classmates, no different than babes on a cheerleading squad or in a sorority?  Erotic and atmospheric, Yutte Stensgaard may be the sultriest vampire ever put on film.  See "Lust for a Vampire," and rue the day that all-girl finishing schools went away.        

Saturday, October 29, 2022

S.N.U.B!, Friend Group During the Nuclear Holocaust

You've thought about this question before.  During an all-out nuclear war, who do you want to share a bunker with?  The elected politician who raised your taxes?  His hack-aide?  Annoying teenage girls?  An adolescent boy with acne?  An annoying little kid with his pet goldfish?  A grouch old mother?  Non-heroes of the military?  If those are the peeps you answered with, then you would fit comfortably in our film today, 2010's "S.N.U.B!," directed by Jonathan Glendening. 

Terrorists nuke London!  Stop cheering...this is sad!  A low level MP, Norman (Jonathan Moore), mistakenly gets word of the blast before it happens and grabs a hot American diplomatic aide, Marcia (Alexandra Afryea), and heads to a S.N.U.B. (Secret Nuclear Underground Bunker).  To Norman's disgust, lots of other insignificant peeps show up too including an annoying boy and his goldfish.  The bunker is manned by a formerly useless army guy, Sweeney (Gary Mavers).  Norman won't be happy as Marcia and him start making goo goo eyes at one another.  The military contingent is limited but does include the hot Private Gill (Zoe Robinson)...alas her fate will be worse than death.

All goes smoothly...there is even a skank there, Sophie (Magda Rodriguez) who takes showers and uses half the water supply.  Then,,, horror.  The psycho inmates at a neighboring prison were the labor when the bunker was built.  The blast crumbled the walls of the prison and a bunch of radiation infested murderers get in.  Remember the annoying kid with the goldfish?  Well, you'll see no character is above being slaughtered.  The two teen aged beauties (Alice Henley and Sara Gregory) use the apocalypse to  try to get laid...this won't go well.  Now the mutant convicts are in...Private Gill is...well, you'll see...and everyone wants to murder the politician that raised their taxes.

Is the incineration of London wishful thinking, or a tragedy we should all guard against?  Is this film a foretelling of the U.K.'s fate if Liz Truss (or Rishi Sunak) takes over?  Will N.A.T.O. troops risk radiation poisoning and come to the rescue?  Fat chance!  Just ask The Ukraine.  Grim and low budget, still a worthwhile take to understand where western Europe may be going with the dreadful governments each nation has in power currently.  See "S.N.U.B!" and realize Europe's idiotic choices will have consequences.   

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Calling Nurse Meow, A Deviant Anthology

The magnum opus of Kitty Kiss, aka Nurse Meow.  Who is Nurse Meow?  What does she do?  Well, today we have a kinky anthology with some horrific themes.  As for Nurse Meow...she is a sexy Goth...a spirited submissive...a BDSM queen...a cannibal...a sexy bigfoot...a damsel with an attitude...a dominatrix ...murderer...and frequently dressed in tight vinyl, hooker boots, BDSM attire...and usually carrying a whip or other unmentionable sex toys.  2022's "Calling Nurse Meow" is ten shorts directed by Laura Barker, Joe Cash, and Impey.  Grotesque, sexy, horrific, dark, and very kinky...be warned. 

Kitty Kiss is Nurse Meow (Barker).  She'll introduce the kinky and horrific shorts.  With plenty of homage to 1970s drive-in exploitation and Troma films, this rapidly paced anthology will leave you breathless.  It opens with a story called "Nurse Meow and the Hunt for the Sexy Bigfoot."  Warning...cannibalism and castration will follow.  The stories that ensue will be lurid, fun, prurient, and at times shocking.  "The Hideout" is a viciously brief one with guttings and cannibalism...alas, the beautiful die so horribly.  Never fear, there will be some nostalgia ala the old "Ilsa" films of the 1970s as our beautiful damsel is taken and tortured by Nazi henchmen.

Whether a nymph, a dominatrix, a cannibal, a tortured submissive, or a tripping Goth...Nurse Meow will captivate you.  You'll cheer for her...fear her...and alas, will wince at some of her exploits.  There will be torture, X-Rated animation, musical numbers, and whips.  A guilty pleasure to be sure, but do not worry, you are not bound to confess to anyone that you saw this film.  The gore and sex will be piled high as leather, hooker boots, and oversized sex toys may rule the experience. 


If you have a fondness of the old Video Nasties of the 1960s, this is a film for you.  In today's neo-Puritanical, PC, and woke civilization, "Calling Nurse Meow is a breath of fresh air.  Not for the easily offended...but we don't want those types around, anyway.  Do yourself a favor, put on "Calling Nurse Meow" and just enjoy...you deserve it.