Saturday, April 29, 2023

The Fear, Fears of the Prurient Nature

The 1990s was a weird decade for horror.  The 80s carried us through puberty and developed our cynicism and imagination.  We look back on the 1990s...wait...no we don't.  It is easy to forget that some great horror emanated from this lost decade.  Straight to VHS flourished in the 90s and eventually birthed straight-to-DVD.  So let us look at a good one from the 90s, the very sordid and prurient "The Fear," (1995) directed by Vincent Robert.  Oh yes, Wes Craven has a nice role in this one. 

So much in this one, where to begin!  Okay, Richard (Eddie Bowz) is a hunk psychology major who gets permission from his professor, Wes Craven, to do a thesis in fear.  Richard has his reasons for the subject.  He is traumatized by a mysterious event in his childhood that gives him dreams/visions of cult like figures in wooden masks stalking him.  Richard gets a bunch of college babes and hunks together to spend a weekend at his boyhood home in the wilderness, including his babe GF Ashley (Heather Medway).  Also going along are several other great looking college students and his best buddy Troy (Darin Heames).  Uh oh...Troy's older sister Leslie (Ann Turkel) and her neer-do-well BF Vance (Leland Hayward III) join them.

Now it gets weirder.  Richard has each confess their inner most fear.  Oh yeah!  Ashley finds a human size wooden sculpture of a creepy looking guy we will call Morty (Erick Weiss).  Guess who also arrives!  Richards's weird Uncle Pete (Vince Edwards) and his 20 year old bikini babe GF Tanya (Ann Karin).  They also are told to confess their fears to Morty.  Yep...the fears start stalking the college kids.  Then the fears actually manifest and cause vicious and gory death.  Tanya, our bikini babe, has quite the episode in a hot tub, as her fear is water.  Oh yeah!  What's more...Morty seems to be quite the pervert and pops up when our characters engage in pre-marital sex.  Oh yes...we also find out, because of these fears, each character is keeping a deep dark secret.  These secrets all seem to be quite prurient, taboo, and perverted...and will shock you.

So, Tanya, our bikini babe...will she survive until the end credits or become a love toy of the creepy Morty?  What is Richard's fear and will it cause bloody carnage to his test subjects/friends?  Will Wes Craven pass Richard if any of the students survives the weekend?  This is a weird one and quite deviant.  Ann Turkel's character will have some very taboo and icky surprises.  For some great hunks, babes, gore, and killings...plus a neat bikini babe...see "The Fear."    

Thursday, April 27, 2023

The Straun House, Poor Man's Re-Animator

Mad scientists who invent mysterious glowing liquids for injections. Can't argue with that plot device. Of course, when those glowing liquids are injected into blood streams, the results are quick and usually lead to death, destruction and dismemberment...or melting and insanity...or hopefully, all of the above. Today we look at 2005's "The Straun House" (aka "Dr. Rage"), directed by Jeff Broadstreet. Perhaps a flawed film, but the final 20 minutes shouldn't be missed. 

Through some weird events, cab driver Michael (Stephen Polk) is arrested. His weird lawyer, Molly (Karen Black), gets him spared jail time...with a catch. Michael must submit to be a test-subject for a new experimental treatment for rage. Yep, he must become the charge of mad-scientist Dr. Straun (Andrew Divoff). This is a weird madman who spends his free time in a straight jacket. Good news, Dr. Straun's intern is the sultry Susan (Denice Duff). She is very professional for now but will eventually become a sex-crazed nympho...an all too familiar story in our own lives. Okay, the testing starts and Michael is injected with the glowing yellow stuff. Little does Michael know, previous test subjects are locked up in cells in the basement of this facility.

Susan, the babe that she is, tries to keep her relationship with Michael professional. Little does she know...she is also a test-subject for Dr. Straun. Now Straun plays the voyeur through an intricate surveillance system, is able to enjoy scenes of rough deviant sex between his two subjects. Straun is very ambitious and is able to addict the local homeless population to his new drug. So, what does this drug do? Initially, this drug brings out rage...and lust...but what is locked in the basement will eventually reveal a more sordid and horrifying use for the concoction. Of course, the locked subjects in the basement will get out and...well, you'll see.

Will Susan's and Michael's lust for each other survive the injections of Straun's rage drug? Will whatever is locked up in the basement also want some action from Susan? Is whatever Dr. Straun is doing any different than what our CDC is involved in? The final 20 minutes of this film make it all worthwhile, so don't be put off by the choppiness of the first hour. For some deviant fun and mad-scientist frolics...see "The Straun House." 

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Exposure, Miami Models Die Horribly

Misogyny! In the movies it is either a device to chronicle western civilizations disrespect for womanhood...or merely a prurient device to amuse divorced guys. Either way...is this theme one which serves to enslave and victimize females?  From an exploitation and horror viewpoint...well, it can be fun. There I said it.  Perhaps, even women might find it...a turn on.  There, I said it again. It also gives Corey Feldman an avenue to turn in a 90 minute impression of Jimmy Durante. The beautiful will die so horribly in this one in what may be a weird and twisted remake of the Albert Finney/Susan Dey film, "Looker." Today we look at 2013's "Exposure," directed by Gordon Scott Venters.

Weird Seth Black (Feldman, looking a lot like Jimmy Durante) runs a top modeling agency in Miami. Every babe would kill to be picked up by this agency.  As the film begins a sultry model, after being raped, tortured, experimented on, and given an acid shower, has her stem cells removed. Mad scientist Aaron (Barry Joy Minoff) has created an anti-aging cream made from the stem cells of babes. Models in Seth's agency are all murdered for their stem cells in order that this anti-aging cream can be made. Here comes Nikki (Jolyne Lowery)...a babe from Carolina. She wants to be a supermodel and gets picked up by Seth's agency.  More babes get horribly mutilated and have their cells removed.  Seth begins prepping Nikki to make her the latest babe sacrifice.

Okay, Seth is quite the psycho. If he doesn't use the babes for their stem cells, he turns his henchman, Damien (Jeffrey Michael) onto them. Damien murders the babes with deadly industrial tools. Very gory. Seth and Aaron believe Nikki has what it takes to be the face of the modeling agency and the Miami social scene.  Nikki hasn't a clue...oh, wait!  She does have a clue.  Nikki isn't as na├»ve as originally thought. Now we see Nikki has no intention of being a victim.  She has a nice gun and a twisted idea for revenge. Revenge...for what?  I didn't mention her sap boyfriend Blain (John Fiore)...hunk.  See, Seth saw Blain as unnecessary baggage and sent Damien after him.

Enough of the plot.  Seedy, twisted, gory, sexy, and all misogynistic. Will Nikki get dissected...or will Seth be dissected?  Will Aaron's anti-aging cream convince American females that a few dead babes is worth the sacrifice to get rid of wrinkles?  Will anyone other than me admit to enjoying this film? See "Exposure," you won't have to tell anyone else you saw it...or even enjoyed it.   

Sunday, April 23, 2023

Antarctic Journal, Frozen Death

Space exploration and Antarctic exploration have something in common. Both these endeavors represent man trudging into hostile settings with the promise of great discoveries. Unfortunately, over the past 40 years or so, they also have represented man's incompetence an futility. The space program died in the early 1980s when President Reagan's NASA put all its effort into a silly space shuttle program. Antarctic exploration died twenty years later when the world scientific community was hijacked by global warming activists seeking fairy-tale science. Hence today's film from Korea, "Antarctic Journal."
A scientific exploration to the South Pole! Wait...no...not the South Pole, but to the Point of Isolation (POI). Reached only once, by the Soviets, in the 1950s, this geographic location is the point in Antarctica furthest away from any of its coasts. World renown climber, Choi Do-hyung (Kang-ho Song) leads five other explorers, on foot, to reach the POI. Choi's history indicates he is the right man for this frigid trek and his guys respect him. The trek will take a couple of months. You guessed it, the expedition heads south pretty quickly...literally and figuratively. 24 hours of sunlight begin playing havoc on the men. A hint of some weird monster occurs and madness slowly sets in.
Dangers are braved and the men must work as a team to keep each other alive. Uh oh...is Choi really rock solid, or is he sinking into madness? A journal is found from a failed British expedition from 1920 and the expedition's youngest member Kim Min-jae (Ji-tae Yu) translates it for the men. That expedition also had six men and their leader appears a striking resemblance to Captain Choi. As the pages are turned, less and less of the expedition members seem present. Uh oh...the Korean expedition begins meeting horrific fates. Frostbite, crevasses, and the remains of British explorers play havoc on Korean morale. As more and more details of Captain Choi's backstory are flushed out, we the viewer sense this Korean expedition is toast.
Will our Asian friends reach the POI? Is something monstrous following the expedition southward? What is the Koreans' relationship to the failed British expedition, and are the ghosts also pursuing them? As President Obama mandated NASA to reach out to Islam, and as the entire world has given up on anything worthwhile in space (except satellites that can help send nude photos of ourselves to the other side of the planet), and the 20,000 scientists stationed in Antarctica spend more time partying and tending to moonshine stills, at least Korea has made a nice horror film about the last continent, "Antarctic Journal" (directed by Pil-sung Yim).

Friday, April 21, 2023

Exam, Competitive Hiring Process

Gemma Chan is a hot Asian.  In this film we see her looking really good.  Wait!  Ms. Chan is a modern woman.  She's empowered.  She's no one's patsy.  Gemma Chan does not take a backseat to any man.  She has worth and ability.  The lovely lady wants us to know why she believes she is best for a competitive and high paying job. Thankfully, when it is apparent she will not don a bikini in this film, the babe is dragged off set and thrown onto the street...never to be seen again. I guess she didn't get the memo. Hence 2009's "Exam," directed by Stuart Hazeldine.

Eight job applicants (four hunks and four babes...or, most of them, anyway) have reached the final stage of the hiring process...the written test.  During the credits we are made to understand the earlier stages of the process may have been tortuous and perhaps bloody. Now, all eight are looking good (well, most of them).  The instructions...they have 80 minutes to answer one question...do not attempt to leave the room. Each candidate is given a piece of paper and pencil and told to begin.  Uh oh...nothing is written on the paper.  Gemma Chan, being assertive and empowered begins writing an essay on why she believes she should be hired for the position.  Before finishing the first sentence, a guard forcibly removes the confident dame, kicking and screaming.

Seven remain...with no clue what they are supposed to do.  White (Luke Mably), a hunk who is a cut-throat. Dark (Adar Beck) is a sultry shrink. Black (Chukwuki Iwuji) is a Christian. Deaf (John Lloyd Fillingham) is a maybe deaf and frumpy Frenchman. Brunette (Polyanna McIntosh) is a beautiful and ambitious businesswoman.  Brown (Jimi Mistry) is an Indian and as we find out a former soldier. Then the blonde babe, Blonde (Nathalie Coz).  With Gemma's removal, the seven must put their heads together to figure out what they are supposed to do...more importantly...what is the one question they must answer. These seven will not gel...in fact violence and bloodshed will ensue. In the end...all the answers are delivered...as many lives will be destroyed.

Was Gemma Chan's character dragged out and put into another room to compete for a secretary position or something more suited a woman?  Just what is that one question that must be answered and why weren't the job candidates told what it was?  Could a remake be done with each character clad in a swimsuit?  Interesting and not entirely overwhelming, "Exam" delves into the psyche of cut-throats and type A persons...not very favorably, I might add.  See "Exam" before your next job interview.   

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

The Screaming Dead, A Pervert, Some Nude Models, and a Vengeful Ghost

Flawed? Sure.  Still...a lot of fun. Whenever three nude models are thrown into a plot, fine cinema isn't far behind.  Oh yeah...did I mention an old abandoned insane asylum as the setting for a photo-shoot?  Yes! Does it get any better?  Hunks?  Sure...they'll grunt and do stupid things.  Today we have a neat one from 2003, "The Screaming Dead," directed by Brett Piper.  There will be gratuitous plot devices including...well, you'll see.

Roger (Joseph Farrell) is a sleaze photographer.  He loves photographing babes, chained and in the throes of death and climax. I know...who doesn't?  He hires three models for an avantgarde photo shoot; Bridget (Erin Brown, aka Misty Mundae), Lauren (Heidi Kristoffer), and Jennifer (C.J. DiMarsico). Also going to the shoot will be babe assistant Maura (Rachel Robbins).  Roger is a dictator and requires his gals to obey him an never talk back. This will, of course, be a problematic requirement.  He rents an old abandoned asylum for the weekend.  The property company mandates Roger be supervised by their guy, Sam (Rob Monkiewicz). He's quite the hunk and will make moves on the gals as he makes sure Roger is not damaging the property. 


Sam and Maura get sweet on one another.  Roger scouts for a torture chamber to do his shoots in.  The gals engage in gratuitous showers and are forced into lesbian sex by Roger.  Roger has hidden cameras everywhere and he is quite the voyeur.  Then the ghost of the mad doctor of the old asylum appears. He loves torturing and marring lovelies.  Now he is after the gals.  When Roger finds the torture chamber, the ghost uses Roger to get the gals into it.  Once there, unimaginable pain and torture await.  Sam continues to try to get in Maura's pants but when the ghost takes Maura into the chamber, he decides to fight the entity.  Now Sam must fight the pervert Roger and the ghost.

Will the instruments of torture put ends to the modeling careers of the three lovely nude models? Will Roger be possessed by the ghost?  Will Sam be able to salvage at least one of the lovelies for pre-marital sex?  This is a good one and very prurient.  For a neat horror story with classic slasher and H.P. Lovecraft themes, see "The Screaming Dead." 

Monday, April 17, 2023

Satan's Blade, Mountain Cabin of Death

Oh, the 1980s!  The Golden Age of slasher films. How did we miss this one!?  This is so good.  Here's the opening scene. Two babes Trish (Mary Seaman) and Ruth (Meg Greene). rob a bank.  The two beauties, while robbing the bank sexually assault two sultry tellers before riddling them with bullets. The beautiful robbers hide in a mountain cabin and Trish strips for a shower. Ruth strips to some naughty black lingerie. Ruth murders the nude Trish and a mysterious mountain man breaks in and murders Ruth. Today we look at 1984's "Satan's Blade," directed by L. Scott Castillo, Jr. There will be a lot of babes in lingerie or nude in peril in this film.

The legend says that the spirit of a mountain man kills tourists because it is mad that his land has been taken over. Yawn. Okay, two cabins exist in the mountain. One is rented by babe Stephanie (Stephanie Leigh Steel) and her four skank buddies. They'll shower, paint their toenails, and hang out in negligees. Stephanie will try to steel the husbands from the babes next door. Next door is hunk Tony (Tom Bongiorno), his wife Lisa (Elisa R. Malinovitz), hunk Al (Thomas Cue), and his babe wife Lil (Janeen Lowe). In a drunken stupor, Tony and Al will do a panty-raid on the skanks next door. Okay, that homicidal spirit? It is back and has a sharp dagger. 

As the skanks have gratuitous showers and toenail painting scenes...the quartet next door acts more civilized. Stephanie will make a move for Tony.  The spirit in the form of a psycho-killer begins the weeding out process.  So sad...so many nude or negligee clad beauties will die so horribly. Stephanie will continue trying to have extra-marital sex with Tony, and the skanks will continue to die in bloody fashion. An all out attack looms as Al and Tony prove incapable of setting up a plan of defense. What follows is really bloody and heartbreaking.  Many of the kills are elongated and we really feel sad for the beautiful victims...not much so for thew clueless hunks who should be protecting them.

Will Stephanie pry Tony away from Lisa?  Might one of the babes, maybe Lisa, be the real killer? Is Stephanie too slutty to die? I bet you have never heard that question before. This is a gem from the 1980s which probably has been missed by all you slasher connoisseurs. For an alluring and bloody good time, see a great 1980's slasher film, "Satan's Blade." 

Saturday, April 15, 2023

The Laughing Woman, Misogyny, Humiliation, and Torture

Before there was "Fifty Shades of Grey," there was this Italian deviance.  The sultry Dagmar Lassander called our feature today her favorite film. She would have to turn in a performance of humiliation, pain, and bondage.  Are all men pigs? Are all women...well...you know?  Choose a side and see what unfolds in 1969's Italian film "The Laughing Woman" (aka "The Frightened Woman") directed by Piero Schivazappa. Fear not...you won't have to tell anyone how much you enjoyed this film...or that you even saw it.

Initially we meet Gida (Lorenza Guerrieri), a trashy whore.  The beaten and just humiliated lady of the night is dropped off, smarting and a few dollars richer.  Fast forward. We meet our twisted and refined misogynist, Dr. Sayer (Philippe Leroy). He's handsome and very rich.  This bloke runs a philanthropic institute that parcels money out to researching issues facing the relationships between men and women. Here comes the sultry reporterette, Maria (Lassander). She is doing a story that will advocate the sterilization of all men...she hates them. This is fair, Sayer hates all women and believes they should all be bound, whipped, and raped. Here in 2023, these two points of view seem to be the dominant ones in western culture. Sayer lures her to his mansion under the premise of providing her with research materials on sterilization.

Bang! This won't take long. Maria is instantly rendered unconscious and when she wakes up she is bound. The naked feminist is now at the mercy of the tortuous doctor. He'll whip her...rape her...spray her with a fire hose...humiliate her some more...and break her will. Maria knows she is at his mercy and that resistance is futile. He'll use her as a toy...and she will obey.  Okay... see what's coming?  No? Either does Dr. Sayer.  Maria's will is not broken.  She has a plan.  What unfolds is hard to watch, deviant, and very prurient.  Uh oh...are Maria and Sayer falling in love? Even as the two appear to be falling in love the torture and humiliation continue.

What is this plan Maria has?  Are the two idiots, in fact, falling in love?  Just how does Sayer plan to end his tryst with the reporterette?  Okay...deviant and prurient are the two operable words here. Tasteless and dirty? Well...you can cover yourself on that one by reminding yourself this is a foreign film. For a neat cat-and-mouse love story with plenty of bondage, BDSM, and deviance...see "The Laughing Woman."

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Swingers Massacre, Perk Up Your Love Life With a Sniper Rifle

Deviant sex, as portrayed in movies, rarely works out well. No one ever says, "Gee, the whip thing worked out really well...I'm so glad we tried that!" Whips, chocolate sauce, silly string, or even audiences have worked to humiliate peeps or just plain make them look silly.  Swinging is no exception. Today we look at 1974's "Swingers Massacre" (aka "Inside Army"), directed by Ronald Victor Garcia.  The swinging in this film will yield humiliation...and bloodshed.

Amy (Jan Mitchell) is a babe. She's married to a rich lawyer, Charlie (Mikel Angel). Their sex life is in the toilet.  See, he can't perform. Amy says she loves him anyway.  Charlie blames monotony and convinces Amy to try swinging. She rejects this plan but he forces her.  Now Charlie drags her to a swinging party where three other great looking couples await.  Amy is hesitant. Charlie is eager.  After initial cocktails, the octet get underway.  Uh oh...Amy is a hit.  Every guy there claim she was the best lay they ever had. Uh oh, again...even some of the babes say Amy was the best lay they ever had. Charlie?  Dud.  All the women he tries having extra-marital sex with must finish the job with a vibrator.

Now Charlie has an image problem. His self-esteem is through the floor. Amy is making friends and wants to go to more parties and trysts.  Charlie goes all homicide. The targets?  The men at the party that made his wife scream in climax.  Sadly, the women at the party that did the same are also targets. One by one, the couples assume room temperature.  The cops close in.  They put two and two together and question the dwindling amount of swingers in southern California.  Amy...well, she is basking in satisfaction, experimentation, and self worth.  No scrapbooking or book clubbing for Amy, nope.  As the number of swingers declines...we see Amy, herself, may be in peril from Charlie.  The killings are awkward, though so is swinging...I would imagine.  

If Amy survives, will she eventually graduate to the world of BDSM or cosplay?  Is a little homicide (or a lot of homicide) just what Amy and Charlie need to put a spark back in their marriage? Is this a morality tale that has kept "swinging" from becoming a bigger party game than Pictionary?  A morality tale indeed, told through a prurient story. See "Swingers Massacre" and do not let it inspire anything in you except fidelity. 

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Dead West, A Smooth and Suave Serial Killer

1986's "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" may have been a touch over-rated by movie audiences.  Probably because the subject matter fascinated the public.  What makes a serial killer tick? Here's another question...perhaps a whole lot more uncomfortable...do we, ourselves, have a bit of serial killer inside our psyches?  They are, we're told, smart.  They are confident.  They are relentless.  Goal orientated.  In movies, often handsome.  Okay, don't flatter yourselves...you are not serial killers. Today we look at 2016's "Dead West," directed by Jeff Ferrell.

His name is Duane (Brian Sutherland).  He's smooth...a real lady-killer literally and figuratively. He seeks the woman of his dreams.  The hunk is trying hard.  We accompany him as he meets some sultry babes that at first, seem like they may be his dream girl.  Charlene (Carollani Sandberg) is first.  She'll make a great first impression...then like all women, she begins talking.  Okay...sorry...I don't really mean that. I'm just trying to endear myself to the divorced-men crowd. Duane guts her in an alley.  A sultry waitress is next...and then there are a lot more.  The big sin for these babe victims seems to be the first impressions they give off don't hold.  Duane is a drifter and moves east.  Uh oh for Duane, Tony (Jeffrey Arrington) is on his tail.  Tony saw his face and also happens to be  Charlene's brother. 


Duane keeps picking up babes.  We watch him as he studies them, has pre-marital sex with them, and then we wince when the ladies say something stupid, snort, show selfishness, or get grouchy.  Then, they get gutted by Duane.  Tony gets closer...but we won't mention him anymore.  The ladies fall...then he meets Roxy (Meagan Naser).  Her boyfriend did her wrong...though we sense she might have had it coming.  Duane takes pity on her and lo' and behold...she seems to be the real thing.  Okay, she's an exotic dancer/prostitute...but let us not be judgmental.  Duane is prepared to do so much for her and we plead with the screen that Roxy doesn't do anything annoying.  Right, I know...fat chance!

Is Roxy a keeper?  Will Tony ever end the wrath of Duane?  Is this a misogynist picture...or is it decidedly anti-male?  Perhaps the two sexes deserve one another.  In any case, we really do feel bad for the gutted babes.  This is film is a portrait of a tortured soul.  Remember you young women out there...don't trust any guy!  This film will show you why.  See "Dead West," and try not to be seduced by Brian Sutherland's character, Duane.  

Sunday, April 9, 2023

The Rise of the Beast, Big Gorilla vs. Activists

Yes...we will be cheering for the big gorilla.  Evolution!  We don't hear much about this ethereal concept anymore.  Science fiction films used to dwell on it.  One wonders if today's woke America sees the danger to themselves if they pursue evolution...just saying.  Max Brooks wrote this film, with Fil Freitas, and it is not so much about "evolution," but more so about "De-Evolution," or "Devolution."  This makes sense when speaking of what is really happening in America, at least intellectually.  In other words...as a species we are not progressing, but beginning to take steps backwards.  Today we look at 2022's "The Rise of the Beast," directed by Jack Ayers.

A group of animal "rights" activists decide to raid a science lab where, they believe, testing is taking place on our furry friends.  John (Arthur Boan) is the leader of this ANTIFA related group.  With him is his GF Elena (Sarah T. Cohen), babe Faith (Sian Altman), Andy (George Nettleton), and Pete (Peter Jeffries). Not an impressive lot...and not that smart.  See, there isn't any animal testing going on...unless you characterize humans as animals.  A government grant seeks to create a perfect soldier...a true killing machine.  Whatever it is...it escaped and now hunts the lab personnel.  Amid this carnage, the activists arrive.  Some 15 foot tall gorilla is not happy and loves to rip limbs off its prey.

Now the activists are battling soldiers who guard the laboratory...and the monster gorilla.  Uh oh... the scientists, headed by the uber-mad scientist Dr. Kafka (Heather Jackson) are continuing their experiments even as the gorilla runs amok. Initially the activists are all ripped apart or caught.  Dr. Kafka is very happy at this and desires to inject the activists with her secret formula.  John manages to escape and try to rescue his mates...especially the babes in his group.  Uh oh...this may not go as well as he expects.  Our 15 foot tall friend is not into political causes and has no affection for ANTIFA like groups...imagine that. What results?  It'll be very broad scope and sometimes hard to watch.

Will our gorilla friend succeed in ending the ANTIFA threat?  Will the FBI and the Oval Office object to their informants and undercover agents being ripped apart by a Department of Defense experiment? How soon can we send 15 foot tall gorillas into central Europe to replace our soldiers who dawdling in Romania?  Flawed, yes, but "The Rise of the Beast" is an interesting movie that perhaps presents a nice metaphor for 21st century America.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Stash, Pot Head Misogyny

Kentucky!  West Virginia has mutant hillbillies and Kentucky has pot head misogynists.  If you are from Massachusetts, New York, Rhode Island, or Vermont...stay away.  Believe me, the peeps in Kentucky will appreciate it. Today's feature is set in Kentucky, deep in the woods.  It is brutal, without humor, and hard to watch.  What happens to three young women, seeking to empower themselves and make differences in their communities...will shock you.  Get ready for 2007's "Stash," directed by Jacob Ennis.

Here's the deal, Bud (Kevin Taylor) lives in a remote cabin deep in the Kentucky woods.  He grows and distributes marijuana. One day he catches CJ (Nathan Day) and Stan (Stacey T. Gillespie) trying to steal his weed.  Instead of killing the duo, Bud spares their lives. The catch?  Bud orders the thieves to abduct three babes and deliver them to him.  Bud intends to rape, torture, humiliate, and murder the babes. Along comes coed Sarah (Karen Boles).  She'll break down and be abducted by the duo...and of course delivered to Bud.  In Bud's basement, she is chained in a cell.  There are more cells and one contains Jenny (Elysee).

Rape and torture ensue.  The cops get wind of this and begin investigating the disappearance of three women.  They'll have to work fast.  Jenny's mom (Debbi Rochon) is a drunk but eventually puts a lot of pressure on the cops to find her daughter. Bud has already murdered one of the gals...and we see that Jenny and Sarah will also be murdered soon if they are not rescued.  Bud also injects the babes with heroin to keep them docile.  Sarah's dad (Chris Begley) and Detective Killborn (Billy W. Blackwell) will do heroics in their attempt to save the gals...but will it be too little too late?

Do Jenny and Sarah have a prayer at surviving?  If they do survive, what will remain of their sanity after Bud's torture and rape of them?  Will this film effectively keep New Yorkers out of Kentucky?  This is perhaps the true aim of this film.  It won't be easy to watch, but to see a film as pure as Kentucky moonshine...see "Stash." 

Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Island of Terror, Tentacled Fiends Eat Island

Okay, I know.  If Roger Corman made a movie featuring tentacled monsters and the sultry Carole Gray...well...let's just say prurient plot lines would abound.  Fear not...nothing with tentacles in this film seek to breed with the lovely actress.  Still...Peter Cushing will seek to arrange a threesome with the babe. Look closely and you can discern that Ms. Gray is surprised and alarmed by the offer.  Irrelevant to the plot, Ms. Gray screams well...is sedated well...and screams some more. Today we look at 1966's "Island of Terror," directed by Terence Fisher.

Dr. Phillips (Peter Forbes-Robertson) has a lab in a mansion on an isolated Irish isle.  Here's the rub...he is on the verge of curing cancer...just one more little experiment.  Right!  We all know how this is going to go. Alas, Dr. Phillips and his scientists are reduced to boneless corpses.  See, he created monsters, not intentionally, and like the results of a so-called vaccine of our time...lots will die. Dr. Brian Stanley (Cushing), the brilliant pathologist and bone expert, Dr. David West-hunk (Edward Judd) are summoned.  West brings his socialite GF, Toni (Gray).  Stanley tries to move in on them and suggests a threesome and is quickly rebuffed. Soon after their arrival, the creations multiply and quickly there are hundreds of tentacled things eating islanders' bones and waving their tentacles.

Toni will scream and now Brian and David will quickly sedate her.  She may be a babe, but the screaming was just too much.  With no more interest in threesomes, Brian and David delve into Dr. Phillips' notes and try to figure out exactly what these things are.  Too bad Pfizer did not have these two scientists.  As the things multiply more, reduce more blokes to bags of jelly, our two heroes put together an ambitious plan before Toni awakes and screams some more.  Then the ending. Oh boy is it horrific ...and for more reasons than just the fiends with tentacles...you'll see.

Will Toni find true love with Dave, or with Dave and Brian, or with a tentacle?  Is the plan hatched by the two scientists too little too late?  Have we learned our lesson yet about trusting pharmaceutical companies claiming to have cures for awful diseases?  This is a good one and genuinely horrific in scope.  For a chilling good time, see "Island of Terror."    

Monday, April 3, 2023

Pagan Island, Topless Women Love Man

We have a good one today.  In fact, Princess Nani Maka plays herself!  Can't say we haven't been waiting for this.  On a mysterious island where babes go around topless...well, it takes great courage for one of these babes to play herself in a movie.  Today we have 1961's "Pagan Island," directed by Barry Mahon.  Gratuitous to the max...and very anti-woke (you'll see).

William (Eddie Dew), quite the hunk, and also topless, washes up on a mysterious Polynesian island after the oil tanker he was on explodes at sea.  He quickly comes across a tribe of topless babes.  Instantly, Princess Nani Maka falls in love with him. Big problem...Nani Maka is promised in marriage to the Sea God.  During the next full moon, she will be sacrificed to the deity in order to live with it eternally in the hereafter.  The topless queen (Trine Hovelsrud) tells William to stay away from Nani Maka so as not to make the Sea God angry.  If angered, the Sea God will destroy the island with tsunamis and earthquakes. William is also told by the queen and Nani Maka that the gals on the island do not like the white men.  Seems they're woke and have been fed the Critical Race Theory garbage in their schools.

The wokeness goes away when a troop of, shall we say...diverse men arrive at the island to rape the topless women.  William murders all of them and now the topless women all love William.  Sadly, the wedding night nears and William comes up with a wild plan to wrestle Nani Maka away from the Sea God.  He also teaches Nani Maka to kiss.  The queen is grateful to William for saving her girls from the diversity brigade and tries to find a compromise in which both the Sea God and William can enjoy Nani Maka in all her toplessness.  

Can the Sea God be negotiated with?  Would the Woke police, or the diversity police have this film banned here in 2023?  Why isn't Nani Maka a household name today?  Gratuitous and non-PC...see "Pagan Island" while downing a few Pabst Blue Ribbons and having your best bikini clad girl bring you some Cheetos and Cheese-Whiz. 

Saturday, April 1, 2023

Killer Shark, Chinese Bikini Babes and Surfer Hunks vs. Monster Shark

In two years, it is likely the people of Taiwan will vote in the political party advocating unification with mainland China.  Unless the CIA can sabotage this election, the Taiwanese are losing their affection for the West.  There are many reasons for this including the movies being made.  In America we make stupid "Avatar" movies...idiocy no one wants to see.  In China, they make shark movies with bikini babes that we all want to see.  Hence today's feature, 2021's "Killer Shark," directed by Shi Qiang. 

We meet the monster shark immediately in this film.  It is two thirds the size of Godzilla and eats two fishermen.  Then we meet the bikini babes.  An Qi (Liang Jing Jing) is a babe and still has affection for her old BF Liu Wei (Qiu Pin Cheng).  He is a surfer hunk with low ambition.  Another hunk is An Qi's brother, An Kie (Wu Fang Yuen) who has a hot bikini babe GF, Xiao Min (Chen Ya Jing).  The fat fifth wheel is Hui (Wen Hang).  Fortunately, the sultry Sofie (Li Jiang) is also along for the ride.  The six board a yacht and hit the seas for some clean cut ocean fun.  Misbehavior causes the yacht to crash and capsize.  Now the survivors are on top of the hull as the thing sinks.  Uh oh...Sofie is bleeding bad.

Enter, again, the monster shark.  Guess who is taken first.  Yep...fifth wheels and bleeding bikini babes never last long in these films.  Now the four survivors realize they have to swim 12 kilometers to the nearest island.  After feasting on Sofie and Hui the shark follows.  This is China, not America, and both An Kie and Vigo are very protective of their two bikini babes.  Nothing suggests these four will make it to safety.  The bikini babes are frightened and helpless...their men, however, are prepared to give their lives for them.  In America, this non-woke theme and plot would be discarded immediately.  In China...it still works.  Great heroism will be on display...as will, sadly, razor sharp teeth and spurting blood.

Can the CIA destroy chivalry in Taiwan before their next federal elections?  Will any of these four make it to land before being eaten?  Will Chinese filmmakers win over American men with their proclivity to highlight bikini babes in starring roles instead of American grouchy actresses?  For some good Asian shark drama, see "Killer Shark."