Saturday, April 1, 2023

Killer Shark, Chinese Bikini Babes and Surfer Hunks vs. Monster Shark

In two years, it is likely the people of Taiwan will vote in the political party advocating unification with mainland China.  Unless the CIA can sabotage this election, the Taiwanese are losing their affection for the West.  There are many reasons for this including the movies being made.  In America we make stupid "Avatar" movies...idiocy no one wants to see.  In China, they make shark movies with bikini babes that we all want to see.  Hence today's feature, 2021's "Killer Shark," directed by Shi Qiang. 

We meet the monster shark immediately in this film.  It is two thirds the size of Godzilla and eats two fishermen.  Then we meet the bikini babes.  An Qi (Liang Jing Jing) is a babe and still has affection for her old BF Liu Wei (Qiu Pin Cheng).  He is a surfer hunk with low ambition.  Another hunk is An Qi's brother, An Kie (Wu Fang Yuen) who has a hot bikini babe GF, Xiao Min (Chen Ya Jing).  The fat fifth wheel is Hui (Wen Hang).  Fortunately, the sultry Sofie (Li Jiang) is also along for the ride.  The six board a yacht and hit the seas for some clean cut ocean fun.  Misbehavior causes the yacht to crash and capsize.  Now the survivors are on top of the hull as the thing sinks.  Uh oh...Sofie is bleeding bad.

Enter, again, the monster shark.  Guess who is taken first.  Yep...fifth wheels and bleeding bikini babes never last long in these films.  Now the four survivors realize they have to swim 12 kilometers to the nearest island.  After feasting on Sofie and Hui the shark follows.  This is China, not America, and both An Kie and Vigo are very protective of their two bikini babes.  Nothing suggests these four will make it to safety.  The bikini babes are frightened and helpless...their men, however, are prepared to give their lives for them.  In America, this non-woke theme and plot would be discarded immediately.  In still works.  Great heroism will be on will, sadly, razor sharp teeth and spurting blood.

Can the CIA destroy chivalry in Taiwan before their next federal elections?  Will any of these four make it to land before being eaten?  Will Chinese filmmakers win over American men with their proclivity to highlight bikini babes in starring roles instead of American grouchy actresses?  For some good Asian shark drama, see "Killer Shark."   

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