Reborn, Junkyard Body-Horror

Body horror? What is it? Watch this film and find out.  Sure, David Cronenberg had a nice career doing it. It is the type of horror that easily gets us to turn our heads or wince. Today we have one that is body horror to the max. Oh, what the fiend will do to so many nubile babes...and some hunks. This is not an easy one to watch and many of you won't make it to the halfway point. Let us look at 2009's "Reborn" (aka "Machined Reborn"), directed by Craig McMahon.

Cade (Jimmy Flowers) buys a junkyard...and moves his pretty wife Jess (Davina Joy) there with him. Mistake. She sweats a lot, gets nude, and has steamy sweaty sex with him. She'll be abducted as she admires her nude self by...well, a serial killer named Dan (David C. Hayes). Dan cuts her legs and arms off, screws things into her, tortures her with straps that tighten, and nails her to a chair. Yep...most of you will have turned this film off by now. Now Cade is forced by Dan to kill anyone who steps into the junkyard or he will murder Jess.  Sad...Jess is no way surviving this ordeal. Uh oh...Dan is also a machinist and screws some metal onto Cade to make him an iron killer. Cade is also fitted with spikes so he won't be easy to tackle. 

Trespassers and other assorted folks come onto the junkyard. Dan has the place rigged with surveillance cameras and insists Cade do his killings in front of the cameras.  Cade complies.  If he doesn't, Dan will tighten the straps on the nude and not entirely whole Jess.  Poor Jess. More will die as they step onto the grounds of the junkyard. Then Teresa (Kathleen Benner arrives). This babe is a realtor that insisted this property not be sold. Behind her back, the junkyard property was sold to Cade. See, Teresa's sister was murdered by a serial killer on this land and she is terrified of it.  With two other realtors she invades the junkyard with the hopes of warning Cade and Jess...but this won't go well.

What will be Teresa's fate as she tries to avenge the murder of her sister?  Will the machine-fitted Cade have any humanity left in him after he kills a dozen times or so? Just who is this Dan guy and will he ever do any of the killings himself? Gory and revolting...if you make it through the entire film, you will not be able to ever forget some of the imagery.  For a real horror shocker, see "Reborn."

Apology, An Apologetic Serial Killer

Wow! What an ending.  Sure, in this 1980s slasher film, we have to endure an uber awkward sex scene between Peter Weller and Lesley Ann Warren.  Sure, as twisted as these two look while doing the scene, it is not unpleasant to view on the small screen. Small screen? Yep, an HBO Productions movie, and later distributed by both HBO and Cannon. Oh, but what an ending...hardly a low-budget one. This gritty New York police thriller from 1986 is "Apology," directed by Robert Bierman.

Wow! Lily (Warren) is a sultry sculptor of modern art. This is her weird project.  Lily sets up an answering machine and advertises a phone number to call and confess your awful crimes as an apology. Weirdos call.  With these recordings of the weird apologies, Lily will use them as inspiration for her colossal steel sculpture that looks like the set of an epic spaceship movie. An artist in New York, most of Lily's male friends are homosexual. Yep, a serial killer is chopping up homosexuals and cutting off their schlongs (the movie's term, not mine). Uh oh...the killer, Claude (Jimmie Ray Weeks) calls the apology line and apologizes. Now Lily has a serial killer calling her line. Enter Detective Rad Hungate (Weller). Rad is instantly attracted to Lily. Lily plays hard to get but we know she wants him.

The weird duo end up rolling in the sack together as Claude keeps killing homosexuals, including associates of Lily. Now Rad and Lily fall in love...though they really look awkward together. Claude begins calling Lily all the time, killing more people she knows, and is now surveilling her. Rad works tirelessly to catch Claude.  Uh oh...Claude feels betrayed that Lily is sleeping with the police and not sympathetic to his plight. Lily now has more of a reason to be afraid.  Claude decides to kill someone very special to her.

Will Rad be able to protect Lily, in and out of the sack?  Will Lily's sculpture ever reach completion, and will it be used as a prop in one of Ridley Scott's "Alien" movies?  Really, you should see this thing.  Could HBO have hired an intimacy coordinator to work with both Ms. Warren and Mr. Weller regarding their love scenes?  Not that those scenes were unpleasant, but they were...weird! See "Apology" and see Peter Weller and Lesley Ann Warren like you never have.

Too Scared to Scream, Nubile Babes Knifed in Apartment Building

Giallo!  This plot is so Giallo!  Not Giallo, though.  This is a New York movie through and through. But, gotta love the tip of the hat to the subgenre of Giallo. Nubile babes, in throes of eroticism, nude and sweaty, in hot tubs or in intimates...knifed by a puritanical killer with a great big knife. In a terrific apartment building slasher film, enjoy an all-star cast, in 1984's "Too Scared to Scream," directed by Tony Lo Bianco.

Cynthia (Victoria Bass), a sultry babe returns home to the Royal Arms, a fancy NY apartment building. She, in her slinky evening gown, catches the eye of the classy doorman, Vincent (Ian McShane). She goes up to her apartment, strips, takes a very gratuitous shower, then is knifed to death by Vincent. Sad. So pretty and died so viciously. Vincent? Lives in a mansion with his invalid mother (Maureen O'Sullivan). Detective Alex (Mike Connors) is on the case. So is his partner, Frank (Leon Isaac Kennedy). Alex suspects Vincent, but Vincent is smooth. Then an old lady who comes onto Vincent is cut to little pieces in her apartment.  Seems any female who comes onto Vincent is soon murdered. Then we find out Vincent is a homosexual, but seems genuinely aroused by the babes of the Royal Arms. Then fashion model Nadine (Karen Rushmore), after sweating nude in the sauna, a gratuitous shower, and donning some silky intimates, has her throat cut.  She also came onto Vincent.

Knowing Vincent is the killer, Alex uses his girlfriend Kate (Anne Archer), undercover. Kate is a policewoman and will move into the building and flirt with Alex.  Vincent is smart and Kate gets to know him...and his invalid mother. Uh oh...Alex and Frank figure out Vincent's backstory and the backstory of the invalid mother. Now they know Kate is in peril. More killings with the big knife.  As Anne puts on some nice tight leotards and practices some dance, Vincent acts.

Wait!  If this is a Giallo-like movie, is this too easy?  Or is there a surprise ending? If Vincent is a homosexual, why would he be turned on and threatened by sultry dames flirting with him? How about Maureen O'Sullivan? Is she really an invalid? This is heavy on eroticism, sweaty and nude babes, Mike Connors grunting, and the slaughter of the beautiful. For a vicious slasher film with a decided Italian flare to it, see "Too Scared to Scream."   

The Stay Awake, Catholic High School Girls in Trouble

I remember going to the drive-in in the 70s. My dad took me to see a double feature, "The Boob Tube" and "Kentucky Fried Movie." My dad wasn't into Disney, and yes the films were inappropriate for children, but I loved it. I forget in which film, but one of the skits had a spoof of an exploitation film trailer called "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble." In it, sultry dames , in Catholic high school garb, were attacked, stripped, pulled into the shower, and...well...you can imagine. Today we have the closest thing we can find to the fulfilment of that skit, a 1988 South African horror film, "The Stay Awake," directed by John Bernard.

In 1969, 11 Catholic high school girls were brutally raped and murdered by William John Brown (Lindsay Reardon) at a Catholic girls high school...in America. Brown is executed in the gas chamber, but is in cahoots with the devil, so he will emerge 20 years later at St. Mary's Catholic High School for girls...in Europe. At the school, over the weekend, eight or nine girls are doing a stay awake to raise money for it. The chaperone is the sultry teacher, Trish (Shirley Jane Harris). As we meet the girls, Samantha (Tanya Gordon) is a nubile babe in a hot shiny aerobics outfit, leading her classmates in gratuitous and thrusting exercises. Then the ghost of Brown returns and manifests as a demon or slithery tentacle things. One by one he hunts these girls in the dark hallways, captures them, and readies them to be the brides of Satan. Happens. Oh, four boys from the local college, aware of the stay awake, sneak into the school but are summarily taken apart by a big bug-eyed demon.

One by one the girls misbehave, and some even smoke a cigarette, and go off on their own. Mistake. Now Trish tries to find the missing girls, and realizes she is battling a demon and the ghost of Brown. The demon wants Trish bad, but the cross she wears keeps it at bay. Samantha, the aerobics instructor, our favorite of the girls, screams really well and looks so helpless.  The demon sends tentacles out to capture the babes, and to...to...well, use your imagination. Now Trish realizes she must battle the ghost of Brown, kill the demon, and save the remaining nubiles.

Will the Catholic High School babes engage in catfights over boys or for who the demon will want most?  What is Trish' connection to Brown that makes her so wanted by his ghost? Is this film made by Lutherans who seek to confuse and corrupt Catholic babes? You will be waiting for the demon to screech, "THE POPE CAN'T HELP YOU NOW, HUSSIES!" This is a good and gratuitous one that most of us missed back in the 80s. For a nubile babes in peril film, see "The Stay Awake."

A Breed Apart, The Dog Version of Jurassic Park

Have you wondered where Hayden Panettiere has gone? Wonder no more! Found her!  Hopefully thousands of rabid digs looking for humans meet will not find her. Or more pertinently, hopefully those wild dogs will be able to elude her. We finally have a Hayden Panettiere film where she is equipped with an attack helicopter, grenades, rocket launchers, and a good script. Okay, maybe not a great script, but a better script than "Heroes." If you liked "Jurassic Park," you will love this one...or maybe not. Let us look at the babe and hunk heavy "A Breed Apart" from 2025, directed by Griff Furst and Nathan Furst.

Hayden Hearst (Panettiere) is filming an action film on a tropical island about a pack of wild dogs eating the tourists...then the tamed dogs get bitten by bats and really become rabid.  Cast and crew must flee the tropical paradise movie set leaving the entire island to the dogs. 13 years later, Vince Ventura (Joey Bragg), the #1 Influencer/content creator in the world has built a mansion on the island but has one problem. The rabid dogs reign...and there are thousands of them. Idea! Invite five of the most popular influencers in the world to come clean it up. The one who kills the most dogs wins a fortune. So here come the sultry Violet (Grace Caroline Currey), her brother Collins (Zack Steiner), the evil Mason (Troy Gentile), the beautiful Queen (Riele Downs), and our favorite, Farmer Jay (Page Kennedy). Oh, Vince's GF Thalia (Virginia Gardner) is a Twizzler chewing babe bad-ass, who drives the helicopter to the island. We like her a lot!

Now the influencers are told why they are there, and they are not happy. Vince insists on demonstrating the dogs are docile but this results in him being torn to shreds. Now the influencers are scrambling and running for their lives. The dogs are determined and even get to the top of the cell tower.  The influencers bicker and show their selfishness but finally agree to work together. This won't go too well, as they are also really stupid. Thalia emerges as our favorite as she is hot, and has some cool weapons...sadly, they are for paintball and flares...none are fatal. The dogs are mangy, ferocious, and monstrous. What's worse, Collins accidentally ODs on hallucinogens and now Violet and the troops must babysit him as they evade the fangs. Oh, get ready, a Great White shark will make an appearance as the dogs swim well. Just when all looks lost...here comes Hayden Hearst, 13 years after the ill-fated movie shoot on this same island.

Will Thalia and Violet engage in either a catfight or a steamy shower scene with dogs barking in the background?  Will the dogs find a lawyer to rip apart as he uses the port-o-potty? Will Thalia get to use any of Hayden's real weapons? This is a gratuitous one that is action-packed. A cross between "Jurassic Park" and "Cujo" perhaps, the nice f/x and the cheese and beef factors will make this a pleasurable watch. See "A Breed Apart" and fall in love with Hayden Panettiere all over again.  

Raw Nerve, Sandahl Bergman and Traci Lords

Wait! Sandahl Bergman teamed up with Traci Lords? Now, that's a combo! First, however, we need to talk about the men in this thriller.  Glenn Ford teamed up with...Jan-Michael Vincent? Yep.  I must say when these two heavyweights of cinema are on the screen together, the phrase that comes to mind is..."painful rectal itch."  It ain't pretty.  You think that ain't pretty! Well, Randall 'Tex' Cobb is also in this. Let's get back to the pretty, Traci Lords in tight halter tops, long shiny red high heels, bare legs, and vulnerable.  Sandahl Bergman...yeah, her, too! Let us look at 1991's "Raw Nerve," directed by David A. Prior.

Two sultry twins (Mary and Donna Willard), in party dresses and red high-heels, are slaughtered at a carnival funhouse by...by...well, therein lies the mystery. Racecar driver Jimmy (Ted Prior) wipes out taking a turn on the racetrack when he has visions of the murders that occurred the night before. He goes home to his skank sister, Gina (Lords). Gina is a high school senior accepted into a pre-med program...and she is all slut. She dresses like a whore but older brother Jimmy acts as a dad and takes care of her. Blake (Cobb) is Jimmy's uncle and also mechanic and worries about the racer.  Jimmy is also worried when he reads about the murders he witnessed in his visions in the newspaper. Now Jimmy goes to the cops and is thrown out of the station by Detective Bruce Ellis (Vincent) and his captain, the grouchy Gavin (Ford). 

Uh oh, sultry reporter Gloria (Bergman) was at the police station and overhears Jimmy's story of visions and she ends up believing him. Now Gloria falls in love with Jimmy and instantly has pre-marital sex with him when Jimmy's next visions take them to the high school where another murder has occurred. Gloria actually goes to the scene in her lingerie. There, Gina, in a tight red party gown is in tears as her bestie was shotgunned by the killer. Now the cops begin suspecting Jimmy, but Gloria believes Jimmy and his visions. Uh oh...Jimmy sees the face of the killer in his visions and yells out his name.  Uh oh again, this film takes some sordid and taboo twists that you won't believe. Gloria will fit into a nice blue party gown that screams "I WANT SEX!"  The cops will re-focus their investigation.  Gina will be put in more peril.  Jimmy...well...you'll see.

Will Sandahl Bergman and Gina, all dolled up in tight party gowns and red high heels, engage in a vicious and erotic catfight over Jimmy?  Just who's face did Jimmy see in his vision as the killer?  Will Glenn Ford and/or Jan-Michael Vincent do anything in this film but grunt and sneer? This is a good one and the ending, or final reveal will be shocking. See "Raw Nerve" and enjoy the cheese provided by Traci Lords and Sandahl Bergman. 

Patient Killer, Victoria Pratt in a Bikini

We all saw "Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep" and drooled when the bikini clad marine biologist, played by Victoria Pratt, went on and on about squids.  Ms. Pratt has starred in many monster movies including "Mongolian Death Worm," and has always been very pleasing to the eye. Many of you remember her from the gratuitous TV show "Cleopatra 2525." So today, we have her in a film that is largely set in offices and more offices, so will we get Victoria Pratt in gratuitous bikini scenes?  YES!!! A sensual bath scene, some cleavage friendly beachwear, some smart but form fitting office wear, and more bikinis? Do bikinis advance the plot? Honestly, I don't understand that question. Let us look at the 2014 hypnotherapy thriller, "Patient Killer," directed by Casper Van Dien! Yep, that Casper Van Dien.

Eek! The film begins with a well dressed guy, Dylan (David Chokachi), committing suicide. Blows his own brains out. Relevant? Yes! See, he was the patient of Dr. Victoria Wrightmar (Pratt), a renown psychologist and hypnotist. Yep, she used hypnotherapy on Dylan even after her mentor Dr. Sylvan (Richard Burgi) warned her against it. Victoria felt bad about it but is in denial that hypnotherapy may be dangerous. She just wrote a book called Mental Control Food and is doing book signings. The book is about hypnotherapy and her success stories. Sure, this tome would sell better if it were called Slave Vixens of the Tentacled Beasts, but that would be gratuitous. Enter another patient, the obsessive compulsive Derek (Patrick Muldoon). Who can blame him, he falls in love with Victoria...though she doesn't with him. Victoria has a beau, Jason (Van Dien)...and he gets to paw her as she wears bikinis...lucky sap.

Uh oh...a mysterious new patient, the beautiful Blaire (Barbie Castro). She is not sleeping because of mysterious nightmares and Victoria hypnotizes her. Does she get better? Apparently. Now someone is terrorizing Victoria, bagging her office, stealing files, and busting into her luxury apartment. Derek becomes bolder and is fixated on conquering Victoria and making her his love slave. Blaire apparently is getting better.  Mental Control Food is selling well (though not as well as it would if it had my aforementioned title). So what's the problem? Derek, who had been getting better is now all psycho and Jason is pummeled nearly to death. Even worse the cops on the cases are centering their investigations on Victoria. More mysterious deaths occur.

Is Victoria coming unwound, and is she the real psycho here? How about Blaire, is she really getting better? Mental Control Food...seriously?  What lunatic thought up that title. Gratuitous and thrilling.  The mystery presents itself as everyone in the film is a suspect.  Fear not, there will not be a drought of scenes featuring Victoria Pratt in a bikini or demonstrating some impressive cleavage. See "Patient Killer," and just hope they change the title of this film to "Dr. Bikini and the Nympho-Psychos."

The Alchemist, An Early Charles Band Offering

Before Full Moon Features was a thing, Charles Band made the film we will look at today. Maybe not quite as edgy and action-packed as the Full Moon features we know and love that were a staple of our Blockbuster video rentals in the 90s, but still an interesting one. This one stars the late Robert Ginty. The tall actor with the cute smirk portrays the most low-energy being ever captured by Charles Band in any of his films. Still, we like him, and if we were cursed through all of time, we'd be low-energy, too. Let us look at 1983's "The Alchemist."

You'll see the back story that dates back to 1871. An evil magician/alchemist, DelGatto (Robert Glaudini) entrances a babe (Lucinda Dooling), and the babe's husband, Aaron (Ginty), rushes to the rescue. Doesn't go well, and the babe dies. DelGatto is so furious, he curses Aaron with the unusual curse of never being able to die and having to kill to stay alive. Here we are in 1955 now and Aaron roams the woods killing deer in order to stay alive. He becomes a monster every night. He lives with his daughter Esther (Viola Kates Stimpson). Esther is an elderly woman and Aaron never ages...kind of like a "Highlander" motif. Enter a recently fired waitress, Lenora (also played by Dooling). She is driving across country and has weird visions of her death back in 1855...she has no idea what these visions are, but both Aaron and eventually DelGatto will see her as the fair maiden slaughtered back in 1855.

Lenora picks up a sweet hitchhiker, the unassuming Cam (John Sanderford). He soon realizes Lenora is mental and wants to be let out of the car. Because Lenora is so pretty, he agrees to stay and Lenora is mysteriously guided off road, through the woods, to Aaron's and Esther's cabin. There, both Cam and Lenora will be caught in an ages old battle between the evil alchemist DelGatto and the cursed Aaron. Aaron sees Lenora as the wife who died so many years ago and loves her.  Cam loves Lenora, though he's just being stupid. Worst of all, DelGatto, who dwells in Hell, loves Lenora. Now DelGatto opens a portal to Hell to lure Lenora through and Cam and Aaron must work together to protect Lenora, kill DelGatto and his demons, and then figure out who will get the entranced Lenora.

Would Cam be wise to run away and find some other babe who's issues don't have anything to do with demons and portals to Hell?  I mean, Lenora is a babe, but there are sultrier ones out there. Will DelGatto and Aaron have a rematch and if so, will Lenora be killed again? Will the return of his wife and the demon that is his nemesis manage to animate the low energy Aaron? Not the best Charles Band film, but it is pre-Full Moon.  Still, a fast-paced horror yarn which is, at very least, enjoyable.     

Sick: Survive the Night, Virus Turns Infected Into Zombies

Yep, another zombie film. The dead come back to life...or, at least, the infected turn into the flesh-eaters. In 2012, zombies were still in as "The Walking Dead" was still a thing. Today's feature is a lurid one with no break from the dread and carnage.  This is one of those that if you watched with someone, you could have loved it and your friend would have hated it. I liked it a lot for a few reasons. Most notably, Debbie Rochon is in it!  Our feature today is 2012's "Sick: Survive the Night," directed by Ryan M. Andrews.

The outbreak happened and spread fast throughout the globe. The infected quickly turn to flesh eating zombies. Outside there are zombies, small communities of heavily armed survivors who are scavenging supplies, and finally the vultures. These vultures are as dangerous as the infected and they rob and kill the survivors for those same supplies. Ah, but there is a fourth group...the scientific community holed up in laboratories around the world trying to come up with a cure. Now it is time for all of these groups to meet. Seph (Richard Ray Sutton) is a hunk grouch who yells at everyone. His right hand man is McKay (Robert Nolan), another grouch who yells at everyone. They are not very good and soon all their survivor partners are eaten and these two run away. Oh, nearby is a lab where Dr. Leigh Rozetta, a babe, is helping Dr. Fehmi (Rochon) come up with a cure. Leigh doesn't seem too competent but we like her because she is kind of pretty. Also at the lab are some grouchy soldiers. Oh, there is the babe Claudia (Jennifer Polansky), Leigh's aid and maybe lesbian lover.

Okay, for some strange reason, Leigh sneaks out of the lab to find samples. There she runs into the grouchy McKay and Seph. The trio yell at one another, then the zombies come, and all run to Leigh's house. She lived nearby before the apocalypse. There, Leigh finds her dead parents and with Seph's help gives them a burial in the backyard. Now McKay yells at them because they appear to be getting sweet on one another. The Zombies eventually arrive and the trio must barricade in the ruins of this house. Meanwhile, Dr. Fehmi lets us in on breakthroughs, though the chances for a cure are still remote. Uh oh, surprises abound and we are let in on Leigh's true motivations for leaving the lab and Seph and McKay get grouchier.

Will Dr. Fehmi find a cure?  Will Seph and Leigh continue to fall in love?  Will McKay learn to smile and enjoy life amongst the backdrop of an apocalypse? The movie ends up being a horrific watch and homage is paid to Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" in a few plot points.  For a lurid zombie film, and Debbie Rochon as a mad scientist, see "Sick: Survive the Night." 

Axes and Os, Jamie Bernadette in a Bikini with a Crossbow

Jamie Bernadette in a bikini wielding a crossbow!? I know, you are asking yourself why you haven't seen this movie yet! By the way, she has some nice abs. Her aim isn't so great, but we can forgive her for that. Technically we have a film about four bikini babes terrorized by a hulking slasher at a cabin in the wilderness.  Technically.  In reality we have a gratuitous jaunt into horror with some nice cheese, great kills, and a bit of a twist which is heavy on metaphor.  Did I mention Jamie Bernadette is in this and she is clad in a bikini and has a crossbow? Our feature today is 2024's "Axes and Os," directed by Trent Duncan.

Our hulking killer is Luther (Brandon Krum). He kills bikini babes and whatever hunks try to protect them. He axes the babes and rips their hearts out on Valentine's Day weekend. That was 21 years ago and he's back. Enter bikini babe Olivia (Madison M. Bowman), she is on psyche meds because her beaux cheated on her, or that is the implication. Her bestie Leah (Cass Huckabay) is trying to cheer her up and arranges a gals weekend...no guys. Also going is Abby (Bernadette) who is all attitude, and the nymphomaniac hunk magnet Dawn (Sara Wimmer). They unknowingly rent the cabin in which Luther killed a bunch of babes in over 20 years ago. Luther is back. He has axes, hatchets, and blades...and is a hulking guy who smells pheromones from miles away.

After many gory kills, he comes across Dawn receiving it doggie style from Olivia's two-timing boyfriend (Jake Nuttall). These two kills will be very gory. Now three bikini babes remain and Abby grabs a crossbow that used to belong to a commando babe (Noemi Cabrere) who was done in earlier by Luther.  The hulking fiend is aggressive and Leah promises Olivia to look out for her. A lot of jiggling, bouncing, and gratuitous bikini-babe-dripping wet scenes occur.  Now Luther is determined to go in for the final kills and the babes are helpless, largely because of Abby's bad aim...unless one of the bikini babes is more than just a bikini babe...you'll see.

Will Abby go full Rambo and save her buddies?  Is the helplessness of the bikini babes a bad stereotype or a mere diversion from something more nefarious?  If Abby's aim is so bad, are either Leah or Olivia equipped to battle Luther?  The twist at the end is hinted at throughout the entire film, but even with no twist, we do have a film with a bikini clad Jamie Bernadette wielding a crossbow and displaying some great abs. See "Axes and Os," and try to figure out how you could have missed this masterpiece up until now.

The Inn, Slasher remake of Two Classics

One may wonder if today's film is a trailer trash remake of the 1932 Greta Garbo film "Grand Hotel," or the 1967 Arthur Hailey written film "Hotel." Sure the characters in this film have bigger...er smiles!  They bleed a lot more.  They lose their spines and internal organs faster. Still, the drama and personal angst of these characters is identical.  Sure, Greta Garbo wanted "to be alone." But in our film today, babes with bigger...er smiles...desired to be left whole. Same thing, at least metaphorically.  Also, I have been to Dunedin, Florida dozens of times and I must say no other film has ever captured the essence of this weird and twisted place. So let us look at this 2025 movie, filmed in Dunedin, and not starring Greta Garbo (though she probably would have jumped at the chance to be in it given the chance), "The Inn," directed by Kevin Beganovic and Sloan Losch.

A word of warning, unlike "Grand Hotel," this film begins with a massacre numbering 31. The gore is the highlight of this film as babes will be strangled and hung by their own intestines, have their implants cut off, and much more. Our killer, Sandman (Brandon Yates), will pull spring breakers skin off, rip them in half lengthwise and widthwise, rip faces off, pull spines out, and much more. The gore f/x are terrific. Okay, Sandman is a serial killer who goes from motel to motel murdering spring breakers...I know, a noble goal.  That aforementioned massacre? Not the last one in this film. By the time a character survives more than 30 seconds once being introduced, we emerge with big...er, big smiled Dani (Aimee Rolfsen). She is a policewoman getting ready to be divorced.  

After the first 55 gory killings, you'll see them all, she teams up with two stoner employees of the motel, Brian (Connor Holden) and Sam (Dan Winkowski). They both want to boink her, but she is way out of their league. She looks very boinkable...but will The Sandman think so? There will be a twist that makes this a relevant question, you'll see. Oh yes, the two cops, Sheriff Daniels (Eric Daniel) and Detective Cain (Jeshua Vargas) will be driven mad by this fiend as he goes from motel to motel massacring every spring break guest! Okay, that's enough, you get the picture.

Will Dani and her two drooling buddies escape the wrath of The Sandman? What is the motivation for the Sandman?  Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor of what the Biden Administration did to to our country? This may be the goriest film you will see all year, and if you have ever been to Dunedin, Florida, you will love "The Inn." See "The Inn" and find out if the sultry Aimee Rolfsen will suffer the same fate Greta Garbo did in "Grand Hotel."   

Shark Terror, Babe in Underwear vs. Shark!

Prussian Army officer Karl von Clausewitz on November 15, 1831 (the day before his death) is quoted as saying, "The ultimate war will someday be fought by nubile-babes in their underwear."  The esteemed strategist then downed another mead, left the public house, and shortly after midnight was killed by a horse drawn carriage riding dancing girls back to their boarding house. Okay, today we have that battle Mr. Clausewitz was speaking of. The nubile in her underwear is Carly Medina, who possesses great big... er, a great big smile. To date, this served as Ms. Medina's magnum opus. A reincarnation of one of those dancing girls in the coach back in 1831? You decide. Our feature today is 2025's "Shark Terror," directed by Christopher Nolan...wait! No, directed by Mario N. Bonassin. I always get those two confused.

Never a good idea...babes on a naval vessel. But, guess who the captain is! Yep, Michael Pare! The babes? Molly (Sarah Lieving) and her daughter, the big...the nubile with the big smile Kendall (Medina). Why are they on the USS Campbell? Clausewitz had similar questions in 1831. Three thugs bag Molly and Kendall's room for jewels, get caught by Kendall, then grab her, and all go overboard.  One gets eaten by a shark immediately. Now Kendall and Brian (Javier Duran) get attacked by sharks and the shark gets Kendall's dress. Now Kendall is kept afloat by her big...er, big smile. After being wounded by a Great White, the duo make it to a sandbar that will disappear in a few hours. Brian? Never mind.

An ex-marine (her term, not mine) Molly insists on going after her daughter in a dinghy. Molly is quite the babe but will get some good looking navy SEAL types eaten. She ends up in her dinghy with one of the thugs, Oscar (Jose Maria Fernandez).  Now Kendall and Brian are very hurt and bleeding and losing blood.  The sharks have made it onto land and attack...don't ask. The two wounded idiots, of which one has great big...or a big smile, are zoning out with their blood loss and now the sandbar has disappeared under the waves.  Molly? Yeah...you'll see.

Will Molly be able to save her daughter before the shark or blood loss gets her?  Will Brian take advantage of Kendall's blood loss and reach over and...actually, I withdraw this question.  Is this situation what Clausewitz had in mind when he penned On War which was published shortly after his accident with the dancing girls? Riveting and arousing.  After all who doesn't like big...er, big smiles? See "Shark Terror" and enjoy a big smile and the magnum opus of Carly Medina. 

Evil Judgment, Giallo Slasher Made in Canada

Italians made this one.  They star in it. However, instead of Rome, this slasher film is set in Montreal. There  will be beautiful women in underwear who will be horribly murdered.  There's a killer with a razor. There's a boyfriend who just may be the killer.  Then there is a potential final girl who will give us a nice shower scene, some good lingerie scenes, some heart felt pelvic thrusts, and gyrations.  Today we will look at 1984's "Evil Judgment," directed by Claudio Castravelli.

Janet (Pamela Collyer) is a sultry dance student.  As the film begins she is doing gyrations, pelvic thrusts, leg spreads, all while clad in a tight leotard. She needs dinero fast and her boyfriend Dino (Jack Langedijk) is a two-bit hood for the mob. At the same time Judge Ronald Robertson (Walter Massey) murders his doctor, then a sultry nurse by cutting her throat with a scalpel, then escaping from the mental asylum. Okay, Janet needs money to stay in dancing school and her bestie, April (Nanette Workman), is a whore. April tells her that she can earn a weeks wages in just a couple of hours. April and Janet get all dolled up and head over to the judge's mansion...yes that judge...Ronald...for a kinky threesome. As the three get underway, a killer slits April's throat and then the judge's throat.

Janet? She is grabbed by the killer and wakes up in the street in a seedy part of town. The detective, Armstrong (Roland Nincheri), thinks Janet is a junkie whore who tried to commit suicide. April and the judge? Bodies not found yet. The next day, April's corpse is found in her own apartment, but Janet knows what she saw. Now the killer is stalking Janet and almost kills her a few times. Dino, the two-bit hood, believes Janet and has pre-marital sex with her as he does detective work to find out what is going on. Dino and Janet return to the mansion to find clues that the murders happened there. Also headed there are Armstrong and the cops. More killings with the razor and some very interesting clues develop. No more, for fear of spoilers.

Does Janet have what it takes to survive this guy who might be Judge Ronald?  Does Janet have what it takes to survive the two-bit hood she's having pre-marital sex with?  What was Judge Ronald doing in a mental asylum, anyway?  This is an erotic one with some gory killings as babes keep having their throats slashed.  For the misogyny we are accustomed to in our Giallo, and a good slasher flick from the 1980s, see "Evil Judgment."

The Secret of the Loch, Found, The Loch Ness Monster

Ah, the Loch Ness Monster...or Nessie, if you prefer. This has mystified us all forever, practically.  The most famous cryptid ever.  In Scotland, it is not a myth, but a reality. Half the population has not only seen it but also had their goats eaten by it. So famous, that today's movie was partly written by Arthur Conan Doyle. In what is a study of the ethos of Scotland, our film today serves as a fitting companion piece to "Braveheart." Let us look at a creepy film set in the fog in Scotland, 1934's "The Secret of the Loch," directed by Milton Rosmer. By the way, this was one of the first films to use underwater filming and submarines.

A lot happens in this film. The renown scientist, Professor Heggie (Seymour Hicks) is jeered, mocked, and lampooned by his colleagues when he tries to get funding for an expedition to find the Loch Ness Monster. He just knows it dwells in a cave deep below the loch's surface. He is laughed out of the university. Enter sensationalist reporter, Jimmy Anderson (Frederick Peisley). He wants the story, but Heggie has no patience for the media...good for him! Jimmy follows Heggie back to his mansion by the mysterious loch. There, Jimmy interviews other residents in the pub about their sightings. None of these so-called witnesses are sober. Without access to Heggie, Jimmy writes lies about him and now all of his mates know the distinguished scientist is a big Anna May Wong fan. This infuriates Heggie who orders his brute assistant (Gibson Gowland) to shoot Jimmy if she shows up at the mansion.

Jimmy, who has been ordered, by his editor, to get the story, sneaks into the mansion and finds himself in the boudoir of the guy's sultry granddaughter, Angela (Nancy O'Neil). She kind of likes Jimmy but is also protective of her grandfather. Jimmy follows Heggie to the Loch where the old guy is sending divers down into the inky depths to find the monster.  These expeditions to the depths of the Loch Ness find the hidden cave and also horror.  Now that he has fallen in love with Angela, Jimmy is determined to prove Heggie right, and then marry Angela.  To do this, he will have to don a diving suit, plunge down to the loch's bottom, find the cave, and then deal with whatever dwells in it. 

Does the monster indeed live in Loch Ness?  Will Jimmy succeed in doing what others have lost their lives trying to do?  Will Angela and Jimmy ever get the old, grouchy Professor Heggie to bless their engagement? Was William Wallace also an Anna May Wong fan? This is a good one, and where Mel Gibson's "Braveheart" bored and preached, this one thrilled and engaged.  For the best film ever about the identity of the Scottish people, see "The Secret of the Loch."    

Amityville Chupacabra, A Goat Sucker and the Paranormal

Why are you snickering? This is a hard hitting voyage into horror and into the realm of mad scientists! In what is a faithful adaptation of the Gustave Flaubert novel, our feature today is the poignant and metaphorical "Amityville Chupacabra," directed by Will Collazo, Jr. We have all been waiting for this goat sucker to make it to Amityville knowing once it did, possibilities would be endless. Let us look at this 2025 film.

Mad scientists have captured a Chupacabra and hauled it to the Amityville house? Why? You need to ask? See, the paranormal energy in the house can infuse with the cryptid and thereby curing diseases. Obviously! Trevor (Jeff Webb) is the lead mad scientist and soon the creature will bust out of its cage and annihilate mad scientist Courtney (Lilith Stults). The thing is free and mad scientist Brody (Cody Tudor) believes weird mad scientist Morgan (Julie Anne Prescott) is responsible for sabotaging these experiments. See where this is going? What do you mean...no!? Never fear, as the experiments to cure death are not going well, and the Chupacabra is loose, Claire (Misty Wagner) shows up from the Incident Control Unit. What does the Incident Control Unit do? Well, they control incidents! DUH!  Also arriving is MS 13 cast-off, Merrick (Michael Ochotorena) who is a former Green Beret, or something, to hunt the Chupacabra.

Okay, paranormal stuff begins to happen hinting at other dimensions. Hey, it's the Amityville house!  Young buck mad scientist Frederick (Blaize Tudor) sort of comes across as the only mad in this film that has a head on his shoulders...for now. He'll try to find the beast, the missing mad scientists, and determine if any sabotage is going on.  Claire and Trevor team up to control the incident.  Morgan tries to remember what happened during periods she blacked out.  The Chupacabra continues stalking.  No spoilers her, though you can probably guess how this all will culminate.

Would 19th century French novelist, Gustave Flaubert, be pleased with this adaptation of his novel?  Will the mads find a cure for death in their experiments on the Chupacabra?  Does the NIH or even the CDC have a better plan for curing death other than that silly vaccine?  This is one you must see in order to be able to mingle at the Paris Fashion Week.  See "Amityville Chupacabra" and then understand what all the hype is all about.

Nightshade, Hey, Dina Meyer Is In It!

An experienced horror fan will not be blown away at the shocking and disturbing twists that occur in this one.  Even the taboo plot lines will not shock.  Still, this is an enjoyable film, largely because Dina Meyer is in it and so is the son of the Incredible Hulk.  Yep Lou Ferrigno, Jr. plays a homicide detective assigned to some gory murders.  Our feature today is 2022's "Nightshade," directed by Landon Williams.

We begin with the backstory, and it is a troubling one.  In demonic or ritualistic fashion a husband (Jason Patric) murders his wife and dumps her body in a grave beside a pentagram as their little daughter watches in horror. This will all be explained later. Fast forward 20 or so years, Ben (Ferrigno, Jr.) is on some homicide cases that have a few things in common. The victims were all bad criminals. They have more in common, too, but you'll have to see the movie to find out what. Troubled by insomnia and bad dreams, Ben goes to see a shrink specializing in hypnotherapy, Dr. Amy Collins (Meyer). She's a babe and we are suspicious of her immediately.  She hypnotizes Ben and asks details about his cases. Ben goes home to a loving and very pretty wife, Lucy (Kenzie Dalton). She is grieving over a miscarriage a year earlier. Ben is supportive but Lucy is worried about him.

In addition to bad dreams, Ben has begun sleepwalking.  First waking up on his front lawn.  Then he ends up waking up at murder scenes in which the killings had just occurred. Ben keeps going to his therapy sessions and Dr. Amy gets him to open up under hypnosis.  More killings occur and the mutilated bodies point to a very deranged serial killer.  Uh oh...Ben has found a few more connections between the victims and now suspects the killer is...Dr. Amy Collins!

Is the sultry hypnotherapist the killer?  Just what did that ritualistic killing 20 years ago have to do with Ben's investigation?  Will Dr. Collins and Lucy engage in a catfight over Ben?  The cast is a fine looking one, and for an experienced horror film aficionado, this will be the lure of this film. For a horror film novice, be prepared for shocking twists and lurid plot lines. See "Nightshade" for the thrills and Dina Meyer. 

While She Was Out, Kim Basinger Becomes The Toolbox Killer

He's a pure psycho!  He's a dirty and vicious rapist! Now he wants to rape Kim Basinger as he strangles the life out of her. Yep, Lukas Haas reprises his role from the Harrison Ford thriller, "Witness." This time, instead of terrorizing Kelly McGillis...he is out to rape and murder Kim Basinger. Fear not...Kim Basinger will go psycho, too.  Even worse for Lukas Haas...she has a toolbox at her disposal. Today we look at 2008's "While She Was Out," directed by Susan Montford.

Never has Kim Basinger been in so much peril, except during her marriage to Alec Baldwin. At least Baldwin did not shoot her...as Lukas Haas will try to do in this film. We'll skip the backstory as that would serve as a spoiler to the very vicious ending that will leave you and your date in a heavy discussion. Della (Basinger) is a sultry housewife who goes to the mall on Christmas Eve for last second shopping. On her way out, she's accosted by Chuckie (Haas), a pure psycho and his thug cohorts, Huey (Jamie Starr), Vingh (Leonard Wu), and Thomas (Luis Chavez). A mall rent-a-cop comes by and Chuckie pulls out a gun and blows him away.  Horrified, Della leaps into her car and speeds away, pursued by the quartet of deviants.  They have already told her they will rape and murder her. 

Now Della loses control, speeds through barriers, and crashes in a construction zone. With her car ruined, the blonde babe grabs a toolbox from the back, and runs into the site where new homes are under construction.  Chuckie arrives with his mates and chase Della. Chuckie has a gun and all four are aroused and ready for rape. A babe and a toolbox...oh, think of the possibilities! Della does and uses the tools smartly and painfully.  She is tormented and eventually chased into the thick woods.  The war has begun and Della is fighting back.  A screwdriver here, a ratchet set there, and soon the would-be rapists are yelling for their mommies.  Chuckie is determined, and even with a broken collarbone, he is determined to rape and kill.  Okay...the ending.  You may or may not like it.  I loved it.  See and discuss, as they say.

Which tool will Della save for Chuckie?  What of the other thugs?  Will Della make it home for Christmas?  This last question is an eerily pertinent one, you'll see.  Ms. Basinger looks sultry even as she goes all-psycho.  Mr. Haas looks just as cute as he did in "Witness." Okay, maybe not. For a fine thriller, that acts just like a slasher film, see "While She Was Out."