The Last House on Dead End Street, Gross!!!!!

Amputation! Disembowelment! Dissection! Rape! Porn! Oral sex with animal parts! Okay, I watch them so you don't have to. Any redeeming quality to this film? You decide. A big clue, none of the cast and crew use their real names in the credits. Let us take a look at 1973's "The Last House on Dead End Street," directed by Roger Watkins. Low budget, grindhouse, exploitation, and a few inches away from porn. Snuff?  You may wonder.

Terry (Watkins) gets out of jail and is angry. He now wants to make films. He assembles a bunch of perverts who do porn films and offers them a chance to do something a bit different...a bit more extreme. He has some helpers. The beautiful but psycho Kathy (Kathy Curtin) who will ultimately help him disembowel and dissect beautiful women is on board as well as pornographers Ken (Ken Fisher) and Bill (Bill Schlageter). Now let us talk Patricia (Patricia Kuhn). She is an actress/performer. Her husband Jim (Edward E. Pixley) is having trouble selling his porn. He throws parties in which Patricia dresses in lingerie, shoe polishes her face black, and allows some guy to whip the snot out of her. I assume this is weird, though maybe I don't get out enough.

Kathy convinced Patricia to act in Terry's movies. She does. Terry muscles a deviant promoter, a couple of actresses, and Patricia's husband to come to his set. There the carnage continues. References to Zeus, virgins, human sacrifice, and mutilation seem to define Terry's theme. There will be long and excruciating scenes of beautiful woman getting gutted and having their legs amputated while alive. Eyeballs will meet power drills, goat hoofs will be sucked, and innards will be yanked out of abdomens. All for what?

What are Terry's motives in pulling women apart...and some men? Will anyone survive Terry's cinematic wrath? Goat hoofs? Does this movie make a statement about the increasing misogyny in western civilization. Does this film promote misogyny in western civilization? Should it have ever been made? I know...gross! Despicable! No way! I get it. For the record I'm not recommending it...but admit it, you're curious and some of you are looking for it now. "The Last House on Dead End Street," you can watch it and never have to tell anyone you did.

World War Bigfoot, Sasquatch and the Krauts

Krauts! Yes...gotta love the Germans...Krauts! These war movies when our side calls them Krauts are so priceless.  Germans don't yell and scream for us to stop using "the K-word." Gotta love them for that. You don't get fired from your job or banned from social media, even in Germany, for using the "K-word." Krauts! There!  Today we have a war movie, entirely factual (not really) about Bigfoot's involvement in World War 2. I bet if we called Bigfoot a "Skunk Ape," the Bigfoot community would not yell and scream for us to stop using the "S-word." SKUNK!  SKUNK!  SKUNK! They probably even laugh at that term. Our feature today is 2026's "World War Bigfoot," directed by Jason Mills. 

Secret missions abound. Sarge (Gavin Marck) leads a ragtag group of GIs into the European forests on a secret mission.  The Germans have sent a similar team in. The Krauts and the Yankees...Ha! Yankees!  The Y-word!  Guess who is not getting wet in the panties because they were called the "Y-word"? Back to the plot. The Yanks and the Krauts battle and most die. The troops are scattered and two medics, the Yank Doc (Jason Benson) and a Kraut try to save some of the wounded...to no avail. Sarge survives and when asked about the mission by fellow GIs, he kills them. Uh oh...Bigfoot appears and he is wounded. Doc tries to save him and the Kraut medic tries to help...to no avail. Other Bigfoots witness this unsuccessful act of charity.

Meanwhile Sarge continues murdering any soldier, Yank or Kraut, who might compromise the secrecy of this mission...to secure a Bigfoot. Sarge finds Doc and Doc realizes there is something off about his commander. Sarge is intent on killing a Bigfoot and is delighted to find the dead one. Doc kind of likes The Bigfoot...even though it probably smells like a skunk...hence we can call it a Skunk Ape without being banned from civilization. The German medic is hiding because Sarge would surely kill him...though it is apparent that Sarge intends to off Doc. Growls in the distance suggest more and more Bigfoots are converging and do not appreciate humans waging war in their home.

Will Doc survive this insane mission and his mad commander?  Will the Bigfoot community survive the human inflicted war in their forest?  Will members of the Bigfoot community be appointed to governmental boards, or UN agencies, to make up for their marginalization by the world community in the past? This may be one of the most important World War 2 movies ever made...but probably not. Still, it is not as preachy as "Saving Private Ryan," and Krauts the world over will appreciate not being stereotyped in this film. So grab yourself a hotdog and add some sauerkraut, and enjoy "World War Bigfoot."
    

Who is Killing the Cheerleaders?, A True Humanitarian

Who is killing the cheerleaders? Whoever it is, it ain't being done fast enough. I mean, get a flame thrower or a dozen grenades...have mercy upon us, take them all out! Okay, no one loves cheerleaders more than I. Watch any NFL game and the only ones putting effort across, aren't the so-called athletes, but the real athletes, the cheerleaders. In sports the players have become less talented over the years and are infested with marijuana, bad hair, stupid tattoos, and a penchant for throwing games at the behest of gambling interests. Cheerleaders? Still pure...no prostitution scandals, drug scandals, and if they eat too much, they are thrown off the squad. Yes! But in our film today, they are unlikable, don't cheer, and make everyone defensive or sad. Mercifully, someone is killing them...or should be killing them. Let us look at 2020's "Who is Killing the Cheerleaders?," directed by Jeff Hare.

Yep, 10 years ago a high school cheer team was slaughtered and the killer has never been found. Present day, the only cheerleader who survived, Elliette (Ella Cannon), is returning to town to become an English teacher at the school. Yep, traumatized to the point of amnesia about the event, Elliette does not remember who the killer was.  Worse yet, the memories that seem to be slowly coming back suggest she is the butcher. To handle the PTSD of that traumatic event, Elliette becomes the cheer coach. Other suspects...everyone! The guy she had a crush on in high school, Jonathan (Austin Freeman), who is now hot for her. The nerd Lisbeth (Kayla Fields) who thought all cheerleaders were b***hes in high school, but now befriends Elliette. Everyone!

So now she's back and weirdness rules the day in her life.  Her memory seems to be bad and killings begin happening. Elliette's cell phone pings at and during all the murder scenes. Her diary has confessions to the murders which she does not remember writing.  Then the cheerleaders on her own squad are murdered one by one the way they were murdered 10 years ago...or are they?   Now even Elliette's bestie and new BF believe she is the killer.  The cops even suspect her.  Oh, the cheerleaders? Worry not, none of these gals will ever make the Dallas Cowboys, Las Vegas Raiders, or Miami Dolphins squads...no way, Jose!

Is Elliette the killer, or is this too easy?  Are the present day cheerleaders really being murdered? Why can't someone make one of those 1970s drive-in/exploitation films about cheerleaders in peril? However unsatisfying this one is, if you want to see a cheerleader in peril film that will not arouse you, see "Who is Killing the Cheerleaders?" 

Amityville VR, Evil Delivered through AI

I asked Google how many "Amityville" movies there were.  Over 50 it said. I asked Grok.  It says 60-70. I thought the number would be well over 300...I still do. Here is the irony. A movie from the so-called "Amityville" franchise, made by real humans, with real actors and real actresses, set in a real town, and using real sets...no AI and no CGI...lectures us on the dangers of AI. Think about that. Anyway, let us look at 2024's "Amityville VR," directed by Matt Jaissle. 

The world is in peril. A rogue AI program, delivered by an AI terrorist has shut down all government computers.  Healthcare comes to a halt...though that may be reality.  Transportation is shut down. The military is shut down.  Just about everything. Two G-Men (Matt Jaissle and Jim Bunny Bundshuh) capture a suspect. Stuart (Chris Heikka). They want to know if he's working with the Russians, Chinese, or Hezbollah. Stuart is bloodied and the feds are ready to torture him. Change of plans, the G-Men put some Virtual Reality (VR) goggles on him and tell the schmuck to go into a VR world and find a demon queen.  The demon queen (Amanda Foster) must be stopped as she is the key to the AI virus turning the government off. Stuart has no choice and goes into a weird AI world. There he meets an ally, or is he an ally? The bloody skeleton tells Stuart what he must do.  Stuart is also told the two G-Men will kill him and he must murder them first.

Stuart goes on a weird journey that eventually takes him to the demon queen's red cabin in the woods.  There, the demon queen has another weird demon henchman there.  Stuart must outsmart the demon queen in order to prevail and return to his own reality.  Wait...does this sound like a great movie or what? Well, it beats "The Devil Wears Prada 2" and "Avatar."  Okay, maybe not as good as "Avatar 2."  Just kidding...much better than "Avatar 2."  All those aforementioned films were also made with real people and real sets...just saying.

Go ahead.  Poo-poo on AI, though after seeing this film you will be cheering for AI.  Not to criticize Matt Jaissle and his efforts here.  He gives us an ambitious voyage into a weird VR world guided by AI integration.  Oh, Amityville?  What does this film have to do with Amityville? Nothing!  Still, "Amityville VR" sounds better than "Springfield VR" or "Compton VR." 

Berserk, Circus Horror

Remember when we had circuses?  Real circuses.  Circuses men and their sons could go to and enjoy. The PC crowd did away with that and liberal activists just could not allow any does of manhood to seep into a dad's relationship with his sons. Instead we have the orgasmic metrosexual monstrosity called Cirque du Soleil...any limp-wristed, milquetoast, wuss claims they enjoy. Read men...real Americans...pine for the days of Ringling Brothers.  Elephants!  Midgets!  Camels! Etc. Now we get New Age images of weakness and nature imagery masquerading as entertainment. Let us travel back to a real circus in the 1967 film "Berserk," directed by Jim O' Connolly. This is an odd one...kind of a Hammer film, but not flashy and biting enough.  Then kind of a Hitchcock one, but not as witty. A tweener, let's say. Filmed using a real circus, not a wuss quasi ballet performances masquerading as a circus.

As the film opens, a tightrope walker is murdered in front of the circus audience. He is the first. Uncaring circus owner, Monica Rivers (Joan Crawford) is annoyed this could effect the gate. On cue, a drifter enters the circus camp who wants the job as the new tightrope walker...interesting timing. Frank (Ty Hardin) is the hunk new act and he tries to seduce Monica, despite a 30-year age difference. It works and Monica will make him partner. Partner, yep...see, Albert (Michael Gough), the old partner, gets a spike in the back of the neck as soon as Frank arrives. Go figure. Frank does his best to woo Monica, he even tries to have pre-marital sex with her. She's smart, but eventually falls for him. Enter the Scotland Yard detective, Brooks (Robert Hardy). He is suspicious of everyone.

Now we meet the lovely blonde magician's assistant, Matilda (Diana Dors). She wears skimpy costumes and allows her husband to saw her in half in one of their tricks. She tries to seduce Frank, he rebuffs. Mad, Matilda tells Brooks that Monica is the killer. Uh oh...the babe Angela (Judy Geeson) arrives. The pert blonde is Monica's daughter and just got thrown out of boarding school. She is put to work as the babe in the skimpy costume for the knife throwing act. Guess what...Frank has killed before and Brooks knows it. As all clues point to Frank, and also Monica, Brooks tries to make sense out of it. What's worse is the fate that awaits one of our blonde lovelies. 

Are either Frank or Monica the killer, or is this too easy?  Will Matilda be sawed in half, and/or will Angela end up with 15 knives in her gut?  Will Brooks be able to catch the killer and save the circus? For all of you who grew up when we had real circuses, this film will bring back great memories.  Still, "Berserk" is a gory murder mystery with elephants, clowns, acrobats, magic acts, lion tamers, etc...so enjoy!

What Lives Here, Jersey Horror

Jersey or Joisy? Today, the best film ever to emerge from Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey. Filmed at the old Edwards Mansion, a real slasher in the attic story.  Okay, flawed, but you gotta like the characters and the actors and actresses turn in realistic performances. Also, the kills are uber gory, and given the victims are all from New Jersey...well...that's fine with us. Our feature today is 2024's "What Lives Here," directed by Troy Burbank. 

Okay, I admit it...Troy Burbank gives us some really likable characters.  The kinds of blokes and skanks we all know. Tip Top Restoration and Junk Removal is contracted to clean out a mansion so it can be sold. The shady realtor, James (Christian Keiber) pays top dollar and twice that for Lee's (Jeff Swanton) company to come from three hours away to do the week long job. None of the local companies, or anyone local, will go anywhere near the mansion...why? Worry not, we are let in on a grotesque backstory that gets worse at every telling. The very gory opening scene alludes to it, in fact. Now the men arrive and find out their hotel reservation fell through and will have to spend the first night in the mansion. Uh oh...a weird old lady, who hides in the attic takes a kid and murders others as the house is now being intruded upon.

After a night of drinking, Lee's crew brings back some skanks for pre-marital sex. Cole (Peter Hogan) and Laurie (Jackie Adragna) pair up and are torn apart by the old fiend. Dillon (Dan Gregory ) and Emma (Katie Walsh) also pair up and are ripped to shreds after doing the dirty deed. Now, one by one, the other Tip Top guys come back after a night of drinking and pool. The kills get gorier and one poor schmuck gets axed in half. Beau (Burbank) and Vito (Robert Ruvolo) come back grouchy with plans of scaring the quartet that has just been shredded...they're too late, in more ways than one. Finally Lee comes back and sees the carnage, tries to rescue any survivors, and finds out the horror that exists in this mansion is way more evil and scary than we thought.

Will anyone make it out of this mansion alive? Will anyone in New Jersey be able to escape the exorbitant taxes and human waste-oids that come over across the bridge from New York City? Will Lee be able to clean out the house of junk, internal organs, blood stained hard wood floors, a decapitated head or two, and lopped off arms and legs? All in all an effective slasher film with ominous twists and non-stop gore.  See "What Lives Here" and don't get off any exit when you travel the New Jersey Turnpike.

The Rage, Siberian Rabies

Unless it is Moscow, Russia looks like another planet.  The Siberian wilderness, though half radioactive, is stunning. Mountains, snow, Arctic wildlife, rabies and heroin addicts! Wait!  What? Oh, our movie today is set in the Siberian Arctic region and throws rabies at us in the form of fierce meat eaters. Let us look at 2023's "The Rage" ("Beshenstvo"), directed by Dmitriy Dyachenko.

Igor (Aleksey Serebryakov) is a tough man with a couple of big problems. He did some no-nos and now he is due to go to prison on Monday for the next two years. This gives him the weekend to help his son, Vovka (Vsevolod Volodin) a young twenty something who is addicted to heroin. Igor is determined that his son kick the habit and has a brilliant idea. Kidnap him, chain him, bring him to the Arctic region of Siberia, and make him go cold turkey and kick the habit. First stop is a small village, where it is 40 below zero, where Igor has a cabin. There, the attacks start.  Rabid wolves converge and eat some of the townspeople. Vovka? He really needs a hit and he will do anything to get one. Igor? He'll chain his son up in the cellar to prevent this. After a couple of the townspeople are eaten by rabid wolves the town cop Abyzov (Evgeniy Tkachuk) shows up and steals Vovka's hidden supply and threatens to take him to jail.

Igor takes Vovka out of the cellar and snowmobiles north to a little hunting cabin.  The rabid wolves follow. Abyzov follows. Town good guy Roman (Aleksandr Ustyugev) follows. Now all these appetizers, I mean humans converge on the cabin and so do the wolves. Now these peeps are  trapped inside. Uh oh...someone has broken in and has been living in it for a week, a hunter (Kirill Polukhin)...who is rabid after being attacked. Oh, that cold turkey thing? Yeah...Vovka is turning into a monster as his dad just doesn't understand the science of addiction. Oh, the hunter...he's dying as he froths at the mouth and warns Igor and company that the wolves are nothing...the real monster is on its way.

Just what is more monstrous than rabid wolves?  Will both Igor and Vovka survive even though the son's heroin addiction pretty much has him consumed? Are the rabid antagonists a metaphor for the Ukrainian Army that is proving to be more pesky than the Russians would like? This is a good one filled with beautiful Siberian snow covered scenery and a nightmarish man versus nature motif.  See "The Rage" and be glad half of your country isn't radioactive. 

Trucker, The Magnum Opus of Katherine Gibson

Yeah, we do have a terrific psycho film.  Yeah we do have a gore-fest.  Yeah we do have a great looking cast.  However, there is an obvious fact that we cannot ignore.  The lovely Katherine Gibson!  Call me on this, if you must, but this film was created as a vehicle for Katherine Gibson and her cleavage. The young actress plays a nubile high school grad in much peril.  The babe has a great tan, some nice short-shorts, and a tight cleavage friendly top. In just about all the scenes in this film, we can easily figure out she will be a final girl.  Our feature today is 2024's "Trucker," directed by Errol Sack...who must be Katherine Gibson's #1 fan.

Teens on a joy ride run a trucker off the road.  Alcohol and bad behavior assisted the teens in this but the main culprit is the driver, Dan (Dwayne Hilton, Jr.). Vanessa (Gibson) was almost passed out in the backseat and had little to do with this. Worse yet, the truck plunged into a ravine, caught on fire, and incinerated the trucker's family.  The teens stopped and went into the ravine and when Jeff saw the dying trucker, he pissed on him. All this witnessed by Old Man Levy (Chuck Cirino) who abducts Jeff and saves the trucker from burning to death. One year later, the teens are sworn to secrecy as no one has reported the crash. Jeff is listed as a missing person but his buddies know he's dead. Vanessa has a battle with guilt and grabs her BF Mike (Ivan Cardona) and go back to the crash site to figure out what happened and if Jeff may still be alive...he's not. 

Fearing Vanessa and Mike will spill the beans, Dan and his GF Cindy (Nicole Mattox), and several of their buddies head to the site.  Everyone finds the auto-wreck yard of Old Man Levy. The old guy has put the trucker back together and now the grieved trucker is a monster bent on revenge against the teens that murdered his family.  One by one, the trucker hunts down the teens with circular saws, bolt rivet guns, hunting daggers, flamethrowers, etc.  The teens die nicely and even are disemboweled occasionally.  Still Mike and Cindy try to escape but the old man has locked the fence and electrified it.  Now the sultry Vanessa, with her BF, and a decreasing amount of friends, try to stay alive.  The trucker? He's enjoying his quest for revenge too much to stop.

If the trucker grabs Vanessa, will he murder her...or do something more prurient?  Why isn't Katherine Gibson a household name?  In a movie with flamethrowers and bear traps, can a nubile, babe with impressive cleavage find love? This is a good one and the kills are gory.  For some good junkyard horror with imaginative weapons and cleavage, see "Trucker."  

Into the Grizzly Maze, Billy Bob Thornton and the Bear

Slow the plot down! Way down! So went the lyrics of a ballad performed by Joel and the 'bots on one of their MST3K shows. The makers of our film today seemed to follow that maxim. We have characters that do their best to slow the plot down.  From slow to...even slower. Billy Bob Thornton as an Alaskan Quint? Attacked by a grizzly many years ago he seeks to murder all of them. To the plot...he's useless. Scott Glenn? Thomas Jane? Piper Perabo? Slow the plot down! The two main babes in this film are a deaf photographer and a useless conservationist...babes, no doubt...but they do well to slow the plot down! Our feature today is 2015's "Into the Grizzly Maze," directed by David Hackl.

A grizzly, maybe a 20-footer...slashes some poachers. After spending seven years in the joint, Rowan (James Marsden) returns. His brother, Beckett (Jane), is the sheriff and not happy to see him. Oh, Jane, married to the deaf conservationist Michelle (Perabo)...yawn. Okay, Rowan is contracted to go find a poacher and Beckett responds to a series of fatal bear mauling events. Oh, Douglas (Thornton) wants to go kill the bear...the head, the tail, the whole damn...bear! Into the Alaskan wilderness they all go. The sheriff, Sully (Glenn) has his hottest deputy (Luisa d' Oliveira) eaten by the monster...so he heads into the wilderness too, though he goes a roundabout route and gets there much later.  

Just as Rowan and Kaley (Michaela McManus), the hot conservationist are about to have pre-marital sex, the bear takes her. Fortunately for her, Rowan wins the tug-o-war and gets her back. She'll be impaled by a tree branch later and won't be able to walk. She can't walk and Michelle (Perabo) the deaf wife of Beckett can't hear or talk...slow the plot down!  All this movie needs now is an eight-month pregnant woman. Now all the characters are in the Alaskan woods being hunted by this behemoth grizzly. Douglas, the bear hunter? Did I mention he's useless to the plot. So where does this all go? Well, a fiery conclusion awaits if you make it to the end. Warning...you'll be pulling for the bear.

Will Rowan ever get to have pre-marital sex with Kaley without getting interrupted by the wildlife? Did Beckett know what he was doing in marrying a dame that couldn't talk?  Will the bear lose interest in these humans, even though they are probably low-fat? Have some fun with  this one and watch it with a couple of buddies as you all play MST3K. See "Into the Grizzly Maze" and realize big name casts don't always provide big time efforts.

Intent to Kill, Traci Lords in a NC-17 Shoot 'Em Up

Traci Lords in a PG movie? Nah! Traci Lords in a Rated R movie? Sure!  Traci Lords in a NC-17 movie? Heck yes! NC-17 for gratuitous violence, blood, and suggestive eroticism. Gratuitous violence? The death count is in the thousands. Most of the LAPD is wiped out by machineguns and explosions. Most of the city's drug dealers are wiped out the same way. Traci Lords? Keeps her gun tucked inside her fishnets on her inner thigh. Now, go see "The Devil Wears Prada 2" if you're a wuss.  If you're a real man, see our feature today. Today we look at the uber violent and gratuitously gratuitous "Intent to Kill" from 1992, directed by Charles T. Kanganis.

As the film begins, Vicki (Lords) is getting glammed up. Shiny black bra, fishnets, garters...and a silver gun tucked into those fishnets. She'll go undercover as a whore and be picked up by a limo occupied four times. Sal (Angelo Tiffe) figures out she is a cop when he probes his knife under her leather miniskirt. A big shootout occurs...dozens die, and the limo blows up and Sal's stash is seized by Vicki.  On the case is Vicki's live-in BF and partner, Al (Scott Patterson). He's a two-timer and Vicki will eventually figure this out. Now Sal's boss will murder Sal if he does not replace the cocaine he lost. Sal goes on a rampage and murders anyone who  gets in his way in search of more cocaine. Vicki is disciplined and taken off the case. 

Vicki's a good cop and develops informants that will get her Sal.  Now Al seeks to undermine Vicki, as Vicki blew up his car. Uh oh...Sal gets scared as he can't steal enough blow to replace the lost stash...so he raids the police station, kills every cop in there, and steals his own stuff from evidence.  Now Vicki is mad, as her new beau (Michael M. Foley) was one of those cops.  Vicki has a lead on Sal's GF, Mia (Elena Sahagun)...and hopes she will lead her to Sal. What follows are a thousand more killings, explosions, one heck of a car chase, and an ending that will change the way you look at action/cop films.

Traci Lords is great...tough and alluring.  She looks great in fishnets and garters as well as armed with shotguns, revolvers, and pistols.  This straight to video release is a must see as Vicki is cut from the same cloth as Dirty Harry, and the carnage is right out of 1984's "The Terminator." For a sexy and vicious crime thriller, wit allure and gore, see "Intent to Kill."  

The Black Torment, A Haunted Mansion, Ghosts, and Euro-Babes in Peril

We have a nice one that will remind you of the Hammer horror films of yesteryear. Almost a Hammer offering, but maybe a bit too stiff. That English stiff upper lip thing, you know. No matter...the babes in this one all sport wonderful cleavage while wearing those Victorian gowns. I wonder if the babes back then really looked like that. No matter. Yep, the typical trope of an English lord, married abroad to a babe, bringing her back to his home estate, only to have their lives turned upside down by ghosts and family members still devoted to his first wife...now dead. Our feature today is 1964's "The Black Torment," directed by Robert Hartford-Davis.

Yep, Sir Richard (John Turner) returns to his mansion with his new bride, Lady Elizabeth and her cleavage (Heather Sears). Uh oh...the townsfolk who see him arrive are irate. Even though Richard was gone for three months, or so he says, the locals saw him riding at night being chased by his first wife as she screeches "Murderer." Even worse, the very buxom Lucy (Edina Ronay) has just been raped and murdered. Before dying, she told her would be rescuers Sir Richard was the culprit. This is all a surprise to Richard and to Elizabeth, who swear they were gone for 90 days. Welcoming them home, sort of, is Sir Giles (John Tomelty), his dad who is confined to a wheelchair, unable to move or speak after a stroke, his nurse, and the lovely Diane (Ann Lynn), who is the only one who can communicate with Giles through sign language. 

Ghostly yells are heard at night as Elizabeth and Richard share a marital bed. Yep, Anne's ghost hollers at the window she fell out of. Did she commit suicide or was she pushed. The ghost calls Richard a murderer. Uh oh...the buxom Mary (Annette Whiteley) is murdered in the barn. What's even worse, whenever Richard leaves, another Richard comes to take his place. Thus when Richard is chased all over the countryside by the vengeful Ann-ghost, Elizabeth is in the bedroom with...another Richard. Now Richard believes he is going mad.  It is here that Richard's most trusted valet, Seymour (Peter Arne) tells Elizabeth that criminal insanity runs in the family...of course. Uh oh...Richard is throwing fits of rage and even tries to strangle Elizabeth.  For Richard's part, he claims he was nowhere near the castle during these episodes as he was running from Anne's accusing ghost in the wilderness.

Is Anne back to gain vengeance on her killer, Richard?  Did Richard kill Anne or is there something more devious taking place?  Will the buxom Elizabeth survive her first few days in this apparently haunted mansion? The ending is loud and ambitious, and for a 1964 film, it has much eroticism and even has Elizabeth and Richard sleeping in the same bed...or whoever that guy is who looks like Richard. See "The Black Torment" for an exciting and sexy Gothic horror tale.    

Spiders on a Plane, Ick!!!

If a spider movie doesn't have at least a few scenes which provoke an "ICK!  THAT'S SO GROSS!" from the viewer, it is not worth seeing.  This one has dozens.  A really big ick factor. Spiders of all sizes infesting humans, climbing in every orifice, getting underneath contact lenses, dropping into the mouths of snoring airline passengers, and decimating stewardesses...yep, if you a queasy and afraid of spiders, this one won't help with that phobia. Our feature today is 2024's "Spiders on a Plane," directed by Ben J. Williams.

Backstory? I guess.  A mad scientist for the Russian mob, genetically altered spiders...blah blah blah. Not quite as horrific as Anthony Fauci, but still scary. You'll see. The mutated spiders are created and put aboard a 747 bound for the States (from England). Also aboard are stewardesses, pilots, annoying passengers, and four 20-year olds. Corrine (Alexandra Decauwe) is a babe that brings her three mates aboard to vacation in the States. The mates are the rich and fashion conscious Beth (Lauren Budd), the Goth-like Gracie (Lila Lasso), and the hunk with diarrhea, Zack (Gaston Alexander).  Turbulence soon after take-off causes the crate of spiders to fall and break open. Now millions of the buggers infest the airplane. Spiders of all sizes that grow fast.  Eventually there will be spiders as big as Volkswagen bugs on board.  They infest the cabin fast and kill most of the passengers, and the flight crew.  

Now the four friends are left alive with Elsa (Danielle Scott) the stewardess and Kieran (Connor Powles) the steward.  Oh yeah, the mad scientist (Rene Vrabel) who created them is also still alive.  They grab weapons like tennis rackets, coffee pots, and fire extinguishers.  A war begins.  The survivors must get to the cockpit and hopefully land the 747 now that the pilots are spider food.  The eight-legged buggers are ambitious and keep popping up.  In one scene, a soon-to-be-dead schmuck opens the latrine door only to have a million of these creepy crawlies bury him. All looks grim, but the few survivors are determined.

Will anyone make it to the cockpit and be able to land the airplane?  If the airplane lands safely, what will happen to the millions of genetically altered spiders?  Will I be itching all day long after seeing this film?  If you like your spider horror films icky...then enjoy "Spiders on a Plane."

The Anacondas, Bimbos vs. Snake

Just leave it to the guys. Let the manosphere take over. Bimbos on ambitious treks into the wilderness to look for things leads to failure and embarrassment. Picture Katy Perry as an astronette in her Fun-Land ride courtesy of Jeff Bezos. Still, this all makes great fodder for a movie by The Asylum for the Syfy Channel.  Let us look at a monster snake film, 2025's "The Anacondas," directed by...a man...Marcel Walz.

Dr. Marlene Potts (Danielle Titus) is deep in Mexico with more bimbos and some hunks to find a treasured Aztec artifact. It is never absolutely clear what that is. She waits with her bimbo pal, Jess (Bix Krieger). Jess is jealous because the big-boobed academic Bella Jacobs (Maureen Kedes) is on her way and she controls the funding for the expedition.  The big-boobed team is now complete and we meet the guide with a weird name, Yaretzi (Brian Russell). He descends from Aztecs and is proud of the land...yawn. They head in and everyone of the babes is wondering what Dr. Agustin Stiglitz (Dominic Keating) is thinking about them. Why? Their dames! Stiglitz tried to find this artifact and failed. Now he is on his way...but the guy takes his time.

Okay, the 25 foot anacondas attack and eventually start murdering the hunks.  They squeeze them to death and swallow their heads. A metaphor for how the feminists of our time treat weak guys?  The crew finds the ancient ruins of a snake temple and go inside to look for the...the...well, the artifacts. There, a two-mile long snake and his friends begin picking off the babes and hunks.  Marlene and Jess keep coming up with plans that are all lame-brain.  Stiglitz arrives and I must say his shooting technique is one to be admired by any competitive shooter on any gun range.  More babes will die horribly.  Stiglitz, with scars on his face, tries to save the bimbos, or what is left of them.

Will the snakes eat all the bimbos?  Are the big snakes a metaphor for what is now happening to the feminism movement ever since #MeToo ruined its credibility?  Stiglitz?  Seriously?  Still, this metaphor for the failing feminist movement is a lot of fun and the bimbos look nice even when they're snarling at one another or being eaten by monster snakes.  For some Syfy Channel fun, see "The Anacondas."    

Shock 'Em Dead, Traci Lords in Peril

No one ever comes out and says this obvious fact.  We'll say it here...Traci Lords is a pretty good actress. Pleasing to look at and often times she portrays a trash, or slutty character, but look deep...she does a fantastic job.  In our film today, her character has no business stealing the show...yet she does. Thrown in with demons, rock musicians, groupies, and centerfold type babes, we are looking at Miss Lords when she is on camera. So let us take a look at this 1990 horror film that might have been straight to video, "Shock 'Em Dead," directed by Mark Freed.

Martin (Stephen Quadros) is a loser.  He works at a pizza stand and his boss (Aldo Ray) hates him. He gets the opportunity to try out for a band and leaves for the audition. Aldo ray will fire him.  He won't get the gig. Now the landlord at his trailer park wants him out. Then Martin meets a voodoo priestess (Tyger Sodipe) and he agrees to sell his soul to the devil to become the world's greatest rock musician. It happens and he wakes in bed at a mansion with three babes who adore him (Karen Russell, Laurel Wiley, and Gina Parks). The lingerie clad babes are there for his every wish. Martin, now known as Angel, goes to rehearsal and blows everyone away with his guitar playing. There he meets Lindsay (Lords), the band's manager. Greg (Tim Moffett) plays bass and is Lindsay's fiancé. Jonny (Markus Grupa) is the lead singer and after the first concert, Angel humiliates Jonny and becomes the lead singer, too.

Lindsay is very happy and secures mega-recording and gig contracts from a big promoter (Troy Donahue). Now Angel wants Lindsay. Problem, these bargains with the devil have consequences and Angel needs to kill everyday, sometimes more, and eat his kill. He'll kill and eat slut fans, Aldo Ray, the trailer park landlord, and more.  Now he wants Lindsay as a bride but Greg intends to fight for the blonde manager. Lindsay realizes something is wrong with Angel and tries to flee.  She'll have catfights with the three sluts that serve Angel. Now Angel intends to do a voodoo blood rite to make her a demon vampire, just like him.

Will Greg be able to successfully fight off Angel and reclaim Lindsay?  Is Lindsay destined to be the bride of this demon?  What will the three slut demon babes who serve Angel do about Lindsay being around so  much?  This is a good entertaining horror film with a lot of action, bad music, and Traci Lords.  For a terrific horror film from the 90s that you have never seen, see "Shock 'Em Dead." 

Bears on a Ship, Yogi and Boo-Boo on The Love Boat

Okay, I don't want to hear any hate about this film. Sure, it only received a 2.8/10 rating on IMDB but it is a better movie than "The Color Purple," and the creature f/x are infinitely better than the ones in "The Devil Wears Prada 2." Also, this is the first bear film filmed on a cruise liner that has sunk. Really.  Filmed on the MV Aurora after it was sunk, the poor liner was docked in beautiful Stockton, CA undergoing repair when the water gushed in.  Finally it was towed away and scrapped...so sad.  But, not before genius filmmakers filmed 2025's "Bears on a Ship," directed by Eduardo Castrillo. I may say, the creepy setting of a dead ocean liner, with a storied history dating back to 1955, makes this film so worthwhile.

A Russian gangster pays Joe Bear (Christopher Wilson) a lot of dinero to go to Mexico and capture two grizzlies. Two of his hunters are shredded in the capture and now he brings the bears onto the Aurora for sail to the U.S.. Uh oh...an airline strike grounds all airlines and assorted airplane passengers pay Captain Carlos (Raymond Ruiz) for passage back to the States on the Aurora. Among the passengers are Missy (Erin Nolan) and her hubby Dave (Derek Crowe). They are rich and the rest of the passengers are not. Yep...a stoner, looking for a good time unlocks the cages and is eaten. Now the bears prowl the ship shredding everyone they meet. 

Highlights include the New Age bear whisperer woman who attempts to make friends with the beasts...she is clawed to death. The bears seem unstoppable. Okay, stop...no making fun of this movie on this blog!  You have to admit the creature f/x are better than the ones in the Talia Shire scare-a-thon "Prophecy." The bears look like...well, never mind. The passengers that are not shredded ban together, arm themselves, and now hunt the killers.

Enough of this plot which is gritty reality put to film.  Will Yogi and Boo-Boo make it to land in the U.S.?  Will Missy and Dave buy their ways to safety, or will the proletariat on the ship rebel and feed them to the bears?  Is this film a metaphor for Russia's invasion of Ukraine and the milquetoast response by NATO?  This is a good one and I stress, filming aboard a sunken cruise ship is such an appropriate touch for a killer bear film.  See "Bears on a Ship," and remove the need you have to see "The Devil Wears Prada 2."

Whisper Kill, Loni Anderson as a Psycho

Loni Anderson, the star of "WKRP in Cincinnati," was unquestionably the blonde bombshell of the 1980s.  She would eventually marry Burt Reynolds.  Though she played a bimbo secretary, the actress desired not to be type-cast as one.  A slasher?  Really?  Loni Anderson as a female Michael Myers.  Would that work?  Would it even work in a TV movie? Let us look at a 1988 TV movie starring our blonde bombshell, in a non-bimbo role. Our feature today is "Whisper Kill" (aka "Whisperkill"), directed by Christian Nyby II. He had just directed "Hill Street Blues" for the previous four years. Oh, his dad did some "Gilligan's Island," and "The Thing from Another World."

Liz (Anderson) runs a small town newspaper.  He partner and one-night stand Jerry is gutted by a brutal killer. Liz, embarrassed that she got drunk and let him have pre-marital sex with her did not like her partner...and even had motive to kill him. The killer calls his victims and in a muffled voice tells them they are next. If Jerry dies, Liz gets control of the entire paper, debt free. Dan (Joe Penny) arrives...hunk out of work reporter. He was coming to visit Jerry now dedicates his effort to finding the killer. Liz hesitantly hires Dan as a reporter. The two will have much pre-marital sex together as Liz will spend a great deal of the film in bed or in her impressive undies and lingerie. Joe is entranced by Liz and her beauty, even though he thinks she is the killer.  The killings continue and Dan has found out they actually began many years ago.  He also finds out if someone slept with Liz...they were murdered.

Dan is a good reporter and gets close to Liz.  They have pre-marital sex more often. Uh oh...Dan finds out Liz is under psychiatric care, was in a mental asylum, and killed her dad when she was 16. Uh oh, the schmuck (Joe Lerer) who owns the rival newspaper in town, is gutted by the same killer. Uh oh, Dan strong arms Liz' psychiatrist (Jeremy Slate) for information about Liz.  Dan also finds Liz' wealthy mother, a "Dear Abby" type personality, Winnie (June Lockhart).  Winnie provides Dan with more information about the raging nymphomaniac newspaper editor babe. Now Dan has gotten a call...while having pre-marital sex with Liz. Does this mean Liz is not the killer?  Nope. You'll see...but now Dan is convinced Liz is not the killer.  More die by the hands of the knife wielding killer. 

Is Liz really the killer, or is this too easy?  Can we blame Dan for having a lot of pre-marital sex with the nymphomaniac Liz...after all...it is Loni Anderson?  Will Dan's gutting be the end of this film, or is there a horrific twist that awaits?  This is a good one, and Loni Anderson provides some nice gratuitous underwear and lingerie action.  For a terrific TV movie from the 80s, heavy on the eroticism, see "Whisper Kill."  

The Face of Marble, Forerunner to Re-Animator

1985's "Re-Animator" was a perfect horror film. Directed by Stuart Gordon from an H.P. Lovecraft story, the gore-a-thon was just so much fun. Jeffrey Combs was the perfect mad scientist and Barbara Crampton's performance was the best scream queen portrayal of all time.  39 years earlier, this exact film was made and I'm sure you never saw it.  Today we look at 1946's "The Face of Marble," directed by William Beaudine and starring John Carradine as the mad scientist.

Dr. Charles Randolph (Carradine) had come up with a serum and machine that cures...death! Imagine that. Well...the process has not quite been perfected.  As the film begins, he and his hunk assistant, Dr. David Cochran (Robert Shayne) are trying to bring a corpse back to life...and it reanimates! The corpse, now living, has no facial expression and advances on the two doctors like it wants to murder them. Saved by a lightning  bolt...well timed, indeed. Now the two look to perfect the experiment but need...a corpse. Meanwhile, Charles' wife, the beautiful Elaine (Claudia Drake), unbeknownst to Charles, loves David. Uh oh...Elaine's devoted servant, Maria (Rosa Rey), does voodoo and casts spells to make David fall in love with Elaine.  This doesn't work. Oh, in Charles' desire for a corpse, he murders Elaine's huge hound and him and David bring it back to life. The hound is no longer friendly but a snarling devil dog that can pass through walls and doors as if it were a ghost.

Uh oh...surprise! The beautiful Linda (Maris Wrixon) visits. She is David's fiancé. Maria panics as she needs David to fall in love with Elaine. She'll try to murder Linda but accidentally kills Elaine. David and Charles rush Elaine's corpse to the lab and the duo do their thing and back from the dead is Elaine...sort of. Elaine is kind of...changed, and has similar attributes to her resurrected hound.  Now more murders will grace Dr. Randolph's mansion and a nosy detective (Thomas E. Jackson) investigates. Linda better be careful as Maria is still bent on uniting Elaine and David with love rituals.  Yep, Charles better be careful, too.

Will Linda and Elaine engage in a catfight while wearing negligees, in bed? Ha! No, I'm not being gratuitous!  Fooled you...THEY DO!!! Will the resurrected Elaine murder David or Charles?  Will Brutus the hound rip anyone's throat out?  This is a good one and almost the exact same film as the aforementioned 1985 classic.  See "The Face of Marble" and enjoy some negligee clad beauties in great peril.