Bigfoot Breeds, Naked and Jiggly College Babes and Bigfoot

Ah, AI! I challenge you to watch this film and then speak ill of AI. Sultry naked college babes, or sometimes in bikinis, spanking one another, kissing, jumping on trampolines, in hot tubs, in bed together, fighting off slithery leeches while skinny-dipping, and hunting bigfoot.  Did I mention the naked college babes? Oh, bigfoot too.  Yeah, he's in this and he's horny...as are the naked college babes. Today we look at 2026's "Bigfoot Breeds," directed by Felicity Yeung.

The film begins as bigfoot (Benjamin Masters) grabs a college babe skinny-dipper and absolutely rapes the daylights out of her while splashing mud on her.  In a scene right out of the book, one may confuse this movie with Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon." Enter three college babes, the Asian Jane (Maya Ellison), Betti (Aira Blair), and Tara (Star Carroll). They seek bigfoot as Tara believes it took her Uncle Buck (Eric C. Brogan). Also in search of bigfoot is a flamboyant gay guy, Morbius (Lonny Loveless) who seeks to have bigfoot's child...sadly for him, the cryptid is probably not gay. The trio of babes kiss one another, play spin the bottle, skinny-dip, and hunt bigfoot. Uh oh...bigfoot appears to be taken by Jane. Bigfoot attacks beset babes in town and some are drowned and boiled in hot tubs, or raped. 

I don't believe I'm trying to put forth a plot description.  The scenes when the skinny-dipping babes are beset by slimy leeches all over their naked selves is priceless and gratuitous.  The same trio of babes will also be beset by the yeti up in the mountains as they ski. Morbius breaks out his Twister game in hopes of being impregnated by bigfoot who he has just captured. Babes sunbathe in the nude.  Babes engage in lesbian carnality.  Babes get bigfoot tattoos. Oh, more leeches on naked babe scenes. I could go on and on. Oh, the sultry Asian babe Jane? What happens to her will be some imagery that you will never be able to get out of your brain...eek!

How many of the babes will bigfoot impregnate?  Will the babes necessarily mind being impregnated by bigfoot?  Will leeches sliming and crawling on skinny-dipping babes be a plot device that will catch on and appear in just about every film from here on? This is a gratuitous and alluring film that gives any real man exactly what he wants and is afraid to ask for.  See the AI/real action epic, "Bigfoot Breeds."   

Dead Sea, Bikini Babes in Peril at Sea

In what, so far, is the magnum opus of the lovely Isabel Gravitt, we are treated to a tour-de-force performance, which is mostly in a bikini. Hey, I know its a serious thriller, but a bikini is a bikini, and a gory plot, and peril at sea make for a wonderful recipe. So for some gratuitous action and a gory and ominous plot, 2024's "Dead Sea," directed by Pail Volken, is a surprisingly good ocean thriller.

It begins standard enough, 18-year old Kaya (Gravitt) has just gone through personal tragedy. She goes for a day out with her bestie, Tessa (Genneya Walton). Worry not, they'll both be in bikinis just a few minutes into this movie. Good for them, they meet a couple of hunks, Xander (Koa Tom) and Julian (Garrett Wareing). The quartet go jet skiing and Xander and Kaya get close real fast and smooch...lucky him. Disaster strikes. In the middle of the ocean, Julian pulls a boner and the jet skis collide and sink. Julian is killed instantly, Xander and Tessa are seriously wounded.  With no land in sight, Kaya tries to keep her buddies afloat as the sharks near. Uh oh...the fishing vessel arrives. Kaya is happy, but that won't last long. 

Rey (Alexander Wraith) pulls the trio from the sea and soon will reveal himself to be a murderous menace. Xander, with a head wound will be no help. Rey locks the bikini babes down below and calls Doc (Dean Cameron) on the radio. Yep...Doc arrives with his surgical bag. See, organs on the black-market fetch a lot of dinero. These three great looking youngsters have healthy organs. With Tessa seriously wounded, and Xander first up on the chopping block, Kaya has to act.  What ensues is our bikini babe prepared to kill to protect her friends. She will have a tough task...as Rey is all killer and not charmed by her smooth tanned skin, slender build, and nubile vulnerability.  Not much of a war, you say? Ha! Some nifty death scenes await.

Will Kaya be able to save herself and her buddies?  Can our bikini babe, turned warrior, murder if she has to? However good a friend Tessa is to Kaya, is there a possibility we see the bikini babes in a gratuitous catfight? Okay, that last question was gratuitous and sleazy, worry not, it was auto-correct's fault. See "Dead Sea" and be pleasantly surprised at the terrific thriller this is.

Monster Werewolf, Resurgence Italian Style

"Monster Werewolf"? Wow, must've stayed up all night thinking up that title. Wonder what its about! A werewolf maybe...that's a monster? Okay, in reality, this film is called "Resvrgis." Right, let's go with "Monster Werewolf." It is from Italy and will boast of a monster...well, werewolf, and hot lesbians making out before dying horribly. Oh, those Italians. Catch it on Tubi for some creative dubbing and a babe that sounds just like Steve Urkel. Actually, the plot is interesting and the ending is most interesting. Yes, there is a catfight you will want to see.  Let us take a look at this 2023 film, directed by Francesco Carnesecchi.

A couple of years ago, Sara (Ludovica Martino) is high on cocaine and driving her buddies. In the back is lesbian babe Miri (Beatrice Fiorentini), making out with her lesbian lover. Sara gets in a head-on collision and Miri's lover is killed. Others may have been killed too. Two years later and Sara is out of prison and wearing an ankle bracelet. Bad idea...Sara's bestie Gaia (Blu Yashimi) arranges a hunting trip into the Italian mountains. Sara has not spoken to Miri since the fateful crash...and Miri hates her. Gaia is now married to Geppi (Thomas Santu), and his buddy Rino (Daniele Mariani) is with them. Oh, also with them is Miri's new lesbian lover, the sultry blonde Tea (Beatrice Modica). Yep, they'll suck face a lot. The gang will hunt wild boars with shotguns.  What could go wrong? Italians with guns? Might have been nice if they used them in World War 2...but never mind that.

Uh oh...Sara finds a diary dating back to World War 1. A deserter writes of the horror of war and changing into a monster. Uh oh, again...Sara finds a wolf mask on a ruined statue in the woods. Uh oh again...Miri wants to fight Sara, and Miri bickers with Tea.  Miri is the one with the voice of Steve Urkel. Then the werewolf attacks...it is after all...a monster werewolf. One by one, it picks off the hunters. Sara reads the diary some more and develops a weird attachment to the deserter...who we only assume died. But wait...the creature appears and it is a full blown werewolf. Now the thing wants its mask back.  Miri wants to kill it.  Geppi wants to ambush it. Sara?  Well, Sara has something going on inside her head and she is coming to grips with her guilt and ensuing weakness of being weak and apologetic.

Is Miri's hostility toward Sara merely masked lust?  Okay, probably not. Is this film a metaphor for Italy's poor military prowess at the hands of bloodthirsty enemies throughout history?  Will Miri have any chance against Sara, and her coming resurgence, in a catfight?  The dubbing may ruin it for some, but if you can get beyond Steve Urkel invading your werewolf film, "Monster Werewolf" is a neat movie. 

The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals, Ancient Egypt Meets Vegas

Finally, the greatest monster rivalry of all time! Yep, a rivalry born almost 5,000 years ago. Today we have a movie that explains it all. Don't laugh when you see the Jackal Man...it doesn't laugh at you.  Those who do laugh at Jackal Man don't live to laugh again. Back in 1969, no filmmaker was conscience of cultural appropriation. In our film today, director Oliver Drake was very aware, thus had the ancient Egyptian mummy portrayed by actor Saul Goldsmith, a true teen idol in Cairo. Our feature today is 1969's "The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals."

A plane crash is the fortune of dumpster diver/anthropology professor David (Anthony Eisley). He scavenges the wreck and comes away with two weird sarcophagus.' One is a beautiful Egyptian babe, Princess Ankana (Marliza Pos). David assumes she is dead, though the glass top of the sarcophagus shows her to be preserved nicely. The other sarcophagus contains her forbidden lover , now a decrepit smelly mummy (Goldsmith). David translates a curse, yep...whoever is in the presence of these sarcophagus things will be stricken with the curse of the jackals. David, kind of doesn't believe it and has his buddy Bob (Robert Allen Browne) and his model GF Donna (Maurine Dawson) lock him in the cellar with these things overnight. David figures if he stays overnight with these Egyptians, he can disprove the curse. The things, by the way, are hidden in his basement. The night comes and David turns into jackal man.

Jackal Man kills some cops and chases a drunk. David wakes up and does not remember turning into Jackal Man. Uh oh...Ankana wakes up and is thrilled to be in Vegas instead of ancient Egypt. Now David dresses her in modern clothes and brings her on a double date with Bob and Donna.  Ankana captivates and entrances. Uh oh...Ankana's smelly lover wakes up and leaves his sarcophagus. It wants Ankana and is a jealous mummy.  The mummy will meet showgirls and strippers and murder them. Now midnight arrives, and during the date, David turns into Jackal Man in time for the arrival of the smelly, misogynistic mummy. What happens next will shock you. Oh!  I forgot to mention, John Carradine!  He's in this.

Is there a catfight brewing between the blonde Vegas modal Donna and Ankana? Will Jackal Man and the mummy engage in a smelly fight to the death? Just what does John Carradine, who is big in Egypt to this day, add to the plot? This is a good one, and remember...do not laugh when Jackal Man appears. That would be a cultural slur against the fine people of Egypt that still fear this aberration of nature. See "The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals," and don't even think of laughing at Jackal Man.

Spasms, Big Snake Finds Babes

It is a good thing that it did.  The bikini babes, and nude blonde in the shower give this one some merit.  Peter Fonda, Oliver Reed, and the grouchy leading lady certainly do not. The monster snake? When the f/x people mail in their effort...sad. Today we have what appears to be a made-for-TV movie, but isn't. A high death count and some thrown in scenes of nudity and various babe sin peril highlight 1983's "Spasms," directed by William Fruet.

In a remote island in Micronesia, billionaire Jason (Reed) is almost killed and left paralyzed in a hunting expedition for a god snake. His brother is killed, and now his ravishing niece, Suzanne (Kerrie Keane) lives with him at his mansion. Another expedition captures the snake and sends it to the US, as contracted by Jason. Uh oh...Jason has a telepathic relationship with the big serpent, and hires Thomas (Peter Fonda), an ESP  researcher, to study it and figure out why Jason can see what the snake sees when the snake kills. Of note, a snake cult also seeks this snake. Sadly the cult is mostly a red herring and of only significance when it botches a theft and setting the snake is loose in southern California. I know, we are cheering for the snake. Jason makes no progress but the two babes in his lab will eventually be murdered by the thing.

Allison (Laurie J. Brown), a lab tech in Thomas' lab, is followed home by the snake and grabbed by the snake, and thrown into the shower with the naked babe Sharon (Sandra Awalt). The scene is priceless. The snake also converges on a bikini babe (Moira Shone), but allows her to live. Suzanne yells at people and we do hope she gets it. Thomas romances Suzanne, but for the life of us, we don't know why...maybe he likes to get yelled at.  The snake cult does nothing of any significance, and Jason goes into trances and watches nude or scantily clad babes as the snake nears them. The cops yell at Jason and ask him to tell them where the snake is.  Suzanne yells some more, and Thomas keeps trying to get in her pants. Maybe he surmises that all Suzanne needs is a good...recreational outlet.

Will there be a showdown between Jason and the snake?  Will Suzanne be clobbered in a catfight by the surviving babe in the white bikini (see above pic)? Does Oliver Reed have a Freudian hang-up about big snakes, as he would also star in "Venom" with Susan George, who plays a kinky French maid? Sadly, "Spasms" works on a MST3K level, but for some good cheese, a grouchy leading lady, and wooden performances by Fonda and Reed, see this film. 

Tropical Parasite, Sultry and Nude Asian Babes in Peril

Sometimes they have some nice bikinis on...usually they are just nude. Asian babes. Thai? Indonesian? Filipino? Doesn't matter. Sadly, these babes are in peril from slithery parasites that slither all over their shiny tanned skin, or infest their innards. When its not parasites that are troubling them, its probing tentacles form sea creatures that would even make HP Lovecraft blush. No, not a story from Jane Austen but some imaginative deviance from Jared Masters. Our feature today is "Tropical Parasite." Okay, AI is used in this one, but Mr. Master's use of AI is better than any Stanley Kubrick film that doesn't use AI.

As our film begins, Asian babe Orange (Ryza Mae) wades in the surf. She is trying to get the attention of her beau Leo (Masters). Instead, parasites bore into her and infest all her organs. Such an erotic death. Leo is a treasure hunter and is in The Philippines to seek treasure.  Uh oh, he has caught the eye of Zun (Jassmin Roxas), a creature that can take human form, and what human form she can take! Total Asian babe! Mermaid! Leo falls in love with her. Zun has a problem, the goddess of the sea, another naked Asian babe Arisara (Althea Lacson) rules Zun and her equally nude and beautiful sisters. She will not let them fall in love with humans. Leo has another problem, the Filipino authorities are corrupt and do not want him looting the country's treasures.

A chase scene ensues and half of Manila goes up in flames...TYSM AI! It may have been AI, but more exciting than anything in "Avatar" or "The Devil Wears Prada 2." Anyway, more naked Asian babes in the sea...in Leo's bed...washing dishes...on the phone...or being infested with little slithery creatures in the surf. Leo is right out of a Film Noir film and his cynicism and eye for trouble does not prevent him from engaging in pre-marital sex with human or sea creature. Okay, Arisara gets stronger and the babe will manifest tentacles that will provide difficulty for the more nubile of sea creatures, or the mermaid things. Leo must act and that means a confrontation with the great tentacled beauty.

I know what your asking, is this film a reimaging of the Guy de Maupassant story "Flowers for Emily"? The de Maupassant influence runs through the works of Jared Masters, except Masters utilizes naked Asian babes a lot better...as de Maupassant merely objectifies the Asian babes. In any sense, face it, you want naked Asian babes jiggling around, in the surf, or in the kitchen, so do yourself a favor and see "Tropical Parasite" on either Fawesome or Plex streaming services.      

The Night Digger, Spinster Horror

They're all lunatics!  Every last one of them.  Yep, there is one who is more of a lunatic than the rest.  Hence a horror film from England.  But wait...and you'll have to.  If it is a horror film you are looking for, you'll have to wait a bit through the tortured plot. Tortured?  Uncomfortable, maybe.  Awkward, have you. Anyway, when we look for final girls we don't look for the middle-aged Patricia Neal. Let us look at a horror film that will make you squirm...for various reasons.  Our feature today is 1971's "The Night Digger," directed by Alastair Reid, and music composed by a Hitchcock favorite, Bernard Herrmann, and co-written by Roald Dahl.

Maura, having survived an aneurism, is a hobbling spinster. She works two hours a week helping stroke victims at the hospital, and she does it well. The hospital wants her full time and Maura desires this except...well...her real job is 24/7 taking care of her blind, invalid mother Edith (Pamela Brown). Edith is demanding and enjoys having Maura serve her all day.  Edith reminds Maura that she has taken care of her for years and now its Maura's turn. They two old women live in a cavernous and falling apart mansion that needs total maintenance. Thy will take in a boarder, but when a guy recommended at church falls through, the handsome stud Billy (Nicholas Clay) shows up with his motorcycle. Billy? All he wants is room and board in exchange for fixing up the mansion for free. Edith is all for it, Maura is skeptical. Edith makes all decisions and gives Billy Maura's pristine bedroom, and now Maura can move to a cot next to Edith's room.

Okay...so here comes another plot device...the priest (Peter Sallis) is going to have his tally-whacker cut off because he wants to be a woman.  The magnanimous guy that he is, he will give it to his wife (Yootha Joyce) so the doctors can sew it onto her and she can become a man. Let's not dwell on this point and get back to Billy, Maura, and Edith. Maura begins to get a crush on Billy, but Billy is not into women 30 years older...not yet. Edith sees Maura getting attached to Billy and now sees Billy as competing for Maura's attention...and wants him gone. They bring Billy to church and Billy sees the sultry Mary (Diana Patrick). What follows are numerous ominous rapes and murders.  The scenes are drawn out and heartbreaking.  Apparently Billy has a problem with sultry babes...so naturally he...well...you know.  You think you know what follows? Ha! It won't be easy to watch, I assure you.

Will Maura and Edith figure out they have a veritable Ted Bundy under their roof?  If they do figure it out, will they necessarily want him gone?  Will Billy's proclivity to rape and murder babes make him more attractive to the spinster Maura?  This is a weird quirky one, and again, I caution you the rape, torture, and murder scenes are hard to take.  For a nasty one with excellent performances, especially by Patricia Neal, that will leave  you in need of a shower to get the grime off, see "The Night Digger."   

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, High School Juniors Shredded

All the boys? Apparently not Johnny Depp. Poor Amber Heard.  That big lawsuit hit the media at a time when #MeToo was beginning to lose all credibility.  Exposed as a fraud and an extortion ring, #MeToo had its day in the limelight, but it was short.  Like Black Lives Matter, the lie was not sustainable. Hence Amber Heard was humiliated and is now looked upon as a joke. Today we have her magnum opus, a weird, twisted, awkward, and pretentious slasher film that has not  aged well.  Lets us look at the grainy and uncomfortable "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane." This 2006 film was directed by Jonathan Levine.

High school juniors, who might have felt comfortable in the 1986 gritty film "River's Edge," want to engage in brutal and deviant sex with Mandy Lane (Heard). The gals in class, all into body image, look in the mirror and see how inferior they are to Mandy. After a weird death (Murder?) scene opens the film, Mandy hesitantly accepts and invite to a weekend at classmate Red's (Aaron Himelstein) ranch. The high school juniors, looking a lot like 25 year olds, are all unlikable. Cheerleader Marlin (Melissa Price) is brutally honest about her intention to engage in pre-marital sex with Jake (Luke Grimes). Chloe (Whitney Able) will be everyone's favorite damsel in peril as she runs and jiggles clad in lacy pink satin lingerie. Oh, Garth (Anson Mount), is the hunk ranch hand and 10 years older than the kids, but he is the caretaker of the ranch. Mandy likes him...  He will do his best to stay away from the jailbait.

Marijuana, alcohol, and the dreaded game "Truth or Dare" amuses the kids after an afternoon of swimming in the pond. Garth? He does a yeoman's job trying to resist temptation, but Mandy bats her eyes at him. The goal of the weekend is to engage in pre-marital sex with Mandy, though Chloe and Marlin seek to screw all the hunks before Mandy gives it up to them. What follows? A killer!  Gory kills.  Heartbreaking kills.  Blood and guts.  The beautiful and handsome will suffer so much in this one. Mandy? Well, that's kind of complicated...you'll see.

Will Garth give into temptation and screw the 16-year old vixen? Will catfights occur between Marlin, Chloe, and Mandy? Who is the killer, and why is he (or she) turning a prurient orgy filled weekend into a gorefest?  This is a brutal one and not the feel good film of 2006. The cheese and beef factors are sky high as is the gore-meter.  For a real horror film that spills a lot of blood, see "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane."   

Cold Eyes of Fear, Judicial Corruption Giallo Style

Is she a whore? Yes!  Is she a slut? Yes! Is she a b***h? Yes.  But we like her 'cause she's a Euro-Babe! Sadly, we know what happens to sultry Euro-Babes in Giallo films. The lovely Giovanna Ralli plays the whore in today's film, and we really pull for her, but will that be enough to keep her alive as the end credits roll? In these Italian Giallo films, the beautiful die so horribly. Oh, by the way, those three descriptors above are thrown at her freely by every other character in this movie...but they do apply. Our movie today is the Italian film, set in London, 1971's "Cold Eyes of Fear," directed by Enzo G. Castellari.

Opening scene, a sultry whore (Karin Schubert) admires herself and feels herself up while clad in kinky black lingerie. A killer walks in with a knife, chases her around, cuts her lingerie off, and goes about raping her. But wait! The Euro-Babe grabs the knife and kills her rapist. Relevant to the film? No! But who cares?  How can this scene, right out of "The English Patient," not be relevant to this movie? We call that gratuitous and prurient. Anyway, the handsome lawyer Peter (Gianni Garko) steals a whore, Anna (Ralli), from an old bald guy. Anna is happy and Peter wants sex.  Peter brings Anna to his  uncle's mansion for drinks and pre-marital sex. Uh oh...an intruder is already there, Quill (Julian Mateos), and he has already murdered the butler.

Now  Quill holds Anna and Peter at knifepoint. The uncle is Judge Bedell (Fernando Rey), and he has already called to tell Peter to lose the whore. Quill waits and Welt (Frank Wolf) arrives. Welt is a homicidal lunatic, too, and the judge sentenced him to 15 years...15 years ago. Now out, and feeling as if he's been unfairly treated by the justice system, he plans on murdering Judge Bedell, proving his innocence and engage in some misogyny against Anna the whore. Now, to stay alive, Peter and Anna will have to work together to outwit and defeat these two psychos. Peter has intelligence, and Anna the whore has beauty and seduction. Anna will be slapped, punched, and slapped some more. Welt and Quill will become more unhinged. Peter begins to realize his uncle, the judge, may have been corrupted when handing down Welt's sentence 15 years ago.

Will Anna survive until the end credits?  Will Quill or Welt take sexual liberties with the dame they regard as a mere whore? Is there a chance that the so-called whore, or slut, emerges as the great hero and restores justice to the system, and decimates two psychos? This is an erotic and deviant Giallo thriller, and as usual, will not be the feel-good film of the year. See "Cold Eyes of Fear" and cheer for a whore.    

Lake Placid: Legacy, Big Croc Eats Hunks and Babes

You know what they say, Maine is like Africa without the glitter. Yep, a film about Lake Placid, the one from the Syfy films about a big crocodile, was shot in...South Africa. Cheaper than Maine, no doubt, and no union issues. I think this is the final 'Lake Placid' film of the series, too bad.  Syfy had a nice franchise going and always provided babes in peril being eaten. Bikini babes.  Nude babes.  Babes engaging in pre-marital sex. Oh, yes...their boyfriends also got eaten. We may have cheered for the reptile, but we always liked the cheese and beef in these films. Let us look at 2018's "Lake Placid: Legacy," directed by Darrell Roodt.

A team of five eco-terrorists, or activists, find out about a zoned off area of Maine. The government provides no information as to why it is zoned off, and our merry, but good looking, idiots assume it is because capitalist pig-corporations dumped toxic waste there. Two sisters, Jade (Katherine Barrell) and Alice (Sai Bennett) are our favorite characters. One is a reporter, the other an environmentalist activist, and both serve as our damsels in distress.  Along with them is Jade's boy-toy Sam (Tom Rozon), tech guy Billy (Luke Newton), and wise guy Spencer (Craig Stern). They get two sympathetic guides, Pennie (Alisha Bailey) and Travis (Greg Kriek) to bring them into the Lake Placid area. The team wants to uncover the secrets there and inform the world. Uh oh...no radioactivity in their readings, just torn apart eco-terrorist (or activist) teams that have beaten them to the sight. Yep...the crocodile has feasted on eco-warriors. Yay!

Now the team and guides are on the run and take refuge in a menacing looking complex that was a secret laboratory. Yep, whatever happened in that lab, over 20 years ago, bred big crocs. On the run again, the team finds a scientist, Henderson (Joe Pantoliano), who is proud of his pharmaceutical company's efforts to create a vaccine. So it created a big croc instead...it is still magnificent. Now the film is set in a cavernous facility which the croc seems to have access to all of it.  One by one, the hunks and babes are eaten.  Henderson knows a lot more than he is letting on. The babes get all wet and look good in peril as they drip cold water on the run...can't beat big crocodile movies.

Will Jade and Alice, all dripping wet and out of breath, engage in a catfight for Sam's affections? Will the gator (okay, so it is a croc...same difference) continue serving mankind and eat all of these eco-warriors? Is Green Peace all but gone today because of big crocodiles created by Big Pharma? This is actually a good one, and unlike the prior 'Lake Placid' films, this one has no humor or wit, just gore and horror. See "Lake Placid: Legacy" and enjoy another one in which we cheer for the monster...and a possible catfight.  

Hollywood Hells, Gratuitous and Bacchanal Gore and Babes

Starts off as a gore-fest and increases in intensity throughout. Yep, a gratuitous slasher film tapping on every actress' fear, and a very real one, when the low-budget production company they are acting for is a mere funnel into snuff film roles. Are snuff films real? Many in law enforcement say no.  Of course those same feds say Oswald assassinated JFK. Right! Of course, if they are real, the snuff filmmakers have a peril...they are working with dames. Never easy. Today we look at something I viewed on the streaming service Fawesome, 2026's "Hollywood Hells" (aka "Cutthroat"), directed by Ben Peyser.

Aspiring actress Vega (Fernanda Romero) is let go from the low-budget slasher film she is working on. She has a baby at home and issues related to that. Her director and producer are not sympathetic. Now with a new born baby at home, and a mom (Bertila Damas) who is sick of playing nanny, Vega needs a job. Her buddy Lupe (Bruna Rubio) brings her to a party in the Hollywood Hills where every doer and player will be there. Also tagging along is the beautiful Asian actress Leslie (Jiaoying Summers) and a couple more. Vega is out of her element as all the guys are in tuxedos and the party is masterfully catered. The hostess, Madam Gold (Helen Manassian) inspects the young Hispanic actress and then sets the room on her.  Now Vega is prepped for a screentest and she is excited.  Uh oh...it calls for her to be raped. An actor tries, and Vega slits his throat.

Bob Gold (Brian Austin Green), the head of operations, filmed the whole thing and loved what he saw. Now he plans on sending Vega to all sorts of sets to be killed or to do the killing. Vega fights hard.  Her beautiful buddies are in cages and prepped for rape and murder. Vega fights hard and even bites some unfortunate actor's tally-whacker off. Now Bob reaches out and pulls in some more leverage.  Now Vega is not just fighting for her own freedom, but the freedom of her beautiful actress friends, and her baby boy. Vega turns homicidal but there are dozens of aroused men who seek to rape her and cut her up. Bob is convinced he has found his girl, but to do what with?  With her baby being held at knifepoint, Vega grabs a sword and...well, you'll see.

Will Vega survive and rescue her baby and babe friends? Will any of the snuff film actors go uncastrated?  If Vega does survive, will she be uniquely qualified for the final girl role in any upcoming slasher film? This is a bloody one and the ending...incredibly gory...and then a post-ending that is even bloodier.  For a bacchanal orgy of babes and blood, see "Hollywood Hells" on Fawesome.  

Survive, Frenchies vs. Crabs

Today we have an interesting one from France. Set in the Caribbean sea, on a yacht...initially...all you-know-what breaks loose. Try not to pay too much attention to the annoying family, the imagery is horrific and haunting as the ocean floor becomes...well, the desert...in a matter of seconds.  Trade in scorpions for crabs, and we have a Mother Nature gone spastic film.  Let us look at 2024's "Survive," directed by Frederic Jardin.

Sweet! A rich family on a yacht.  The dad is Tom (Andreas Pietschmann), and he is an oceanographer. His lovely wife is a doctor, Julia (Emilie Dequenne). They have two teens, Ben (Lucas Ebel) and Cassie (Lisa Delamar). While yachting, the weirdness starts. Meteors fall from the sky all around the boat. Uh oh, they are not meteors. Whales do weird things. Then tons more debris from the sky. Morning arrives and the Caribbean Sea is a desert. See, the poles reversed and this caused the oceans to go inland, wipe out Miami and Cuba, and now the land is where the oceans used to be. The yacht becomes the S.S. Minnow and the skipper is dad, Tom. They reach another survivor on the radio, Nao (Olivier Ho Hio Hen). He is a few days away but has a deep sea submersible. The family will try to reach him because Nao has some weird news for them.  The oceans, currently in Miami? Yep, they'll be back soon.

Not wanting to drown, the family makes a perilous trek to Nao and his Jacques Cousteau mobile. The landscape is perilous.  Hordes!  Millions of man eating arthropods (crabs) and the oxygen has driven them ravenous. More trouble! Harpoon man (Arben Bajraktaraj) wants to murder them all, and maybe rape Julia and Cassie first. The trek will take them by beached container ships, big sharks, whales...all out of their element. The harpoon guy gets closer...and the family gets more desperate to survive.

Will the family survive and make it to the deep sea submersible?  If the seas do return, what will be the condition of Miami when they reach it? What other surprises does the ocean floor have for these survivors? This is a neat one as the ocean floor will be forced to give up its dead on full display. It won't be pretty.  For a weird one, with horrific imagery...and crabs, add "Survivor" to your next binge watching session of "Deadliest Catch."

The Curse of King Tut's Tomb, RIP Eva Marie Saint

I was saddened to learn of the death of Eva Marie Saint.  The fine actress passed away earlier this week at the age of 102. Ironically, she starred in our film today "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb." Originally this film aired as a two-part miniseries on NBC on May 8th and 9th, 1980.  Here's the spooky part. Raymond Burr was also in this film...and he's dead, too. Coincidence, or curse? You decide. Today let us dive into Eva Marie Saint's magnum opus in a film directed by Philip Leacock...and wouldn't you know...he's also dead. This can't be a coincidence!

Archaeologist Howard Carter (Robin Ellis) finds the damned tomb...in Egypt...go figure. Oddly enough, a weird medium, Princess Vilma (Wendy Hiller...also dead), at a seance at the castle of Lord George (Harry Andrews...also dead), she told everyone they would die. Inscriptions inside the tomb also warned anyone who defiled the final resting place of Tut, that they would die if they disturbed his rest. Howard does not believe in curses and falls in love with Lord George's daughter, Evelyn (Angharad Rees...also dead). He'll dump the nubile babe when American reporter Sarah Morrissey (Eva Marie Saint) shows up to report on the find. She's old enough to be Howard's mother, but the two will lock lips and swap spit all the same...ick. The greedy Egyptian heavy, Jonash (Burr) conspires to have the government throw Howard out of the desert and hand the dig over to him.

Jonash has already murdered the lovely burglar Giovanni (Barbara Murray...also dead) for some rare papyrus that probably is key to the plot. Trying to stay above the fray, Howard must deal with cutthroats like Hasan (Tom Baker, the Dr. Who guy...not dead yet, but he keeps falling in pits of scorpions). Howard who obviously has a mommy complex is drawn closer to Eva Marie Saint and sends Evelyn away. Lucky Evelyn.  One by one the people who helped Howard find the tomb die mysteriously. Sarah? Hey, she is played by Eva Marie Saint, who cares that her role isn't vital to this film. There is a rumor that the Egyptian version of this film did not have Eva Marie Saint in it, but she was added to the American version. Wait!  I may be thinking of Raymond Burr. Never mind.

Are the above actors and actresses victims of an ancient Egyptian curse that was unleashed on them when King Tut's tomb was excavated?  Did Eva Marie Saint spend the final 46 years of her life eluding scorpions and asps?  Is it true that actor Robin Ellis has moved to the wilds of the Arctic just so scorpions and asps can't get near him? We will miss Eva Marie Saint, but we will remember her in some of the most alluring roles including as Eve Kendall in that Alfred Hitchcock (dead) classic "North By Northwest."  See "The Curse of King Tut's Tomb" and be glad you had nothing to do with the production of this TV miniseries.

DRAGN, Serbian Carnage

Today's film was shot in Serbia in just 17 days. Only needed 17 days. Afterall, how long does it take to kill a bunch of people on a corporate team building exercise? The corporation, a mysterious international telecommunications outfit. You know what that means...especially if they're headquartered in Serbia! Right! Murder drones! Let us look at the 2025 film, DRAGN, directed by Peter Webber.

Poor Tom (James Paxton). We like him, but he is a last minute substitution to participate in a corporate team building exercise in Serbia. I know, didn't he see "A Serbian Film"? If he had, he'd know that he's not being sent there to develop trust for his co-workers. We like Tom, and he arrives there and meets his team. The babe Adele (Lilly Krug). She's a skank, but blonde with big...well, a big smile. There is Sebastian (Franz Drameh)...he's screwing Adele at every possible opportunity. Then the PTSD ridden Daniel (Carlos Bardem), who is made leader. There is the corporate spy, Jacob (Jadran Malkovich). He knows.  Knows what? Ha! These employees are being dropped into an abandoned military base in the woods, and the corporation does not want them to leave. Hence DRAGN...a drone is unleashed on them. It has a circular saw, a flamethrower, machinegun, dart gun, and a directive to murder these employees.

Now the team is under assault.  Sebastian continues to boink Adele.  Tom tries to reach his family on the phone...but no reception...go figure.  Daniel yells at them all and has a PTSD flashback and wigs out. Then there is the machinegun wielding broad, the beautiful Zoja (Alice Pagani).  She's wounded when she meets the group, but her buddies were all fried or gunned down by the DRAGN thing. Now with her machinegun, Zoja tries to help her new buddies...but she isn't really equipped to fight billion dollar defense department technology. The kills will be gory.  Faces will be burned off.  Skulls will be sawed open, team members will be impaled, and even worse...Tom's lovely family will be lured into the action by DRAGN.

Does anyone have a shot at surviving the killer drone?  Will Adele and Sebastian stop screwing long enough to help the others combat the threat from above? Was DRAGN created because our safety is the corporation's number one priority? Wouldn't you just love some company to say that our safety is their number seven priority? See DRAGN and see some killer stuff that is probably already being mass produced for the battlefields in Ukraine.

Cold Heaven, This Was No Boating Accident!

Okay, so it was...but that's not important. There is a classic scene when Monsignor Cassidy (Richard Bradford), irrelevant to the plot, listens to Marie (Theresa Russell) tell him about what is going on. This is an important scene, 'cause we have no clue what's going on. The Monsignor has a look on his face as if he's thinking the Vatican doesn't pay him enough to listen to whack-ball dames like Marie. Mercifully, the Monsignor gets rid of Marie and presumably takes a drink. Today we have a mesh of "Night of the Living Dead," "The Nun's Story," and an MST3K offering...1991's "Cold Heaven," directed by the very out there Nicolas Roeg.  

A boating accident kills Alex (Mark Harmon) in the opening scene. When you're second in the credits, this either means the entire film will be flashbacks...or something supernatural will occur. Alex' wife Marie was just about to tell him she is leaving him for his best friend Daniel (James Russo). In fact, Daniel just told his wife Anna (Julie Carmen) that he was leaving her for Marie. Now Marie does not have to tell Alex the bad news. Uh oh...the hospital in Mexico loses Alex' body...or did it just get up and walk away? Marie flies back to the States and desperately wants to see Daniel.  She goes to meet him at a hotel in Carmel and finds...Alex!  Yep, he looks pale and dead...but he's alive. Oh, Marie is attacked by butterflies and is convinced the Virgin Mary is haunting her. I guess the Monsignor dodged a big one when he ushered Marie out of his office.

Oh, Sister Martha (Talia Shire) is spooked because she dreamed of Marie coming and restoring the sanctuary. Now Father Niles (Will Patton) gets involved and he brings up demonic possession.  Marie is convinced her dead, or dead-ish husband is demonically possessed. Alex gets deader and then recovers, and then gets dead-ish again. Sister Martha? Please, don't ask me to remember her character...this was very difficult watching Talia Shire. Her portrayal of Sister Martha makes her performance in "Prophecy" look like an Oscar caliber effort. Where is this all going? Miracles, Rosary Beads, the Virgin Mary, fighter jets, and a big green cross will all factor in a tour-de-force ending.

Oh! Vows of Celibacy.  We should talk about this since we have a movie about the Catholic Church. After watching Marie's love scene with Daniel...it is so shocking, that even the more amorous of us all will seek to take vows of celibacy just to preclude the kind of carnality that Theresa Russell and James Russo just acted out for us. You may not believe it, but my above description of the film is accurate and flattering.  See "Cold Heaven" and treat it as a MST3K offering.   

Ghost Keeper, Snow Bunnies in Peril

Filmed entirely on location at Lake Louise, in Banff, Alberta. This film and "Doctor Zhivago" share that distinction. Sadly, Omar Sharif and Julie Christie are not in our film today. But wait! We do have babes! Yep, perhaps not household names, but Riva Spier and Sheri McFadden look simply sultry in their slightly tight ski suites. I guess the important question is will they stay sultry? Today we look at a really creepy horror film from 1981, "Ghost Keeper" (aka "Ghostkeeper"), directed by Jim Makichuk.

A trio of snow-mobilers are exploring the woods near Lake Louise one New Year's day. Jenny (Spier) in a shiny gray ski suit, her boyfriend Marty (Murray Ord), and the flirtatious blonde Chrissy (McFadden) in red. A storm comes in fast and the trio find an abandoned resort, Deer Lodge.  They go in to get out of the elements and find it heated. Jenny is sad because her beau pays more attention to Chrissy, the flirt. Jenny is also sad because madness runs in her family...I guess we all can claim that. Uh oh...a creepy old lady (Georgie Collins) emerges. She does not like Marty or Chrissy, but the feelings are mutual. She admires Jenny. Uh oh, she lives there with her sons.  Her sons? One is locked in the icehouse because he is an uncontrollable cannibalistic mutant.  The other son is a homicidal killer.

Okay, Jenny and Marty bicker.  Marty wants to explore other women, specifically Chrissy.  Chrissy takes a hot bath, with candles.  The old lady lets her kids out and now they converge on the trio of unwanted guests. Guess who gets it first. You ever notice what happens to nude babes in slasher films when they take baths? Now Danny (Bill Grove) grabs a chainsaw and chases Jenny through the halls. Marty goes crazy himself. The lunatic locked in the ice cellar...stays locked in the ice cellar. Huh? Then some neat twists.

Is there a catfight brewing between snow bunny Chrissy and snow bunny Jenny? Is the lunatic cannibal guy in the ice cellar going to figure in this plot, at all? Will Jenny survive the inattentive boyfriend who is going crazy, the flirtatious Chrissy, the crazy old woman, the psycho son, and the cannibal son? This is a good one and fans of early 1980s slasher films will want to give it a view. See "Ghost Keeper" and enjoy some babes in snowsuits in great peril.  

Archive, Rhona Mitra is in it!

Okay, before you get on this film for being non realistic, I urge you to look up Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Arizona. They had to be the inspiration for this film. Yep, a science fiction one set in the future where people don't have to stop conversing with the dearly departed. Nope. Your wife dies? Keep yapping!  Why not? She'll even call you on the telephone from the other side...or some AI data center. Do we really want the dead to hang around, though? Let us look at a film Rhona Mitra is in, 2020's "Archive," directed by Gavin Rothery.  Again...Rhona Mitra is in this film!

Awful car wreck and brilliant scientist George (Theo James) survives, but his loving wife Jules (Stacy Martin) dies. He's sad. But wait!  Lucky him...not so lucky her. He signed her up with Archive International! Yep, through analog technology, AI, and fiber optics, her consciousness has been preserved in a data center. To think you are fighting data centers in your communities! Yep, by a special phone, she calls him intermittently and they get to chat. He misses her.  She misses him. Touching. Oh, the mad scientist George? He builds robots. Now he combines Archive's technology with his robots and he aims to create a robot, very human like, and put his wife's consciousness inside. How will this go? Do you have to ask? I know, why not put his wife's consciousness in Rhona Mitra's frame.  Her...er...smile would be bigger.

His first attempts are interesting but boxy and clumsy. I'm not making this up. The first one has her consciousness of when she was five years old.  The next one has Jules' consciousness for when she was 16 years old. Still in the statutory rape category, he now aims for the 25 year old wife. Rhona Mitra is around occasionally to yell at him, but mostly the two existing robots complain that he is ignoring them and they feel as if they will be replaced when he creates the sex-bot...I mean robot of his wife. Rhona Mitra continues to yell at him...don't ask, but she is in this movie. Oh, the heavies at Archive are upset that he's infringing their copyright by putting their technology in his inventions. George loves his wife, and here's the sad part. He's running against the clock. He can only chat with his wife for a total of 200 hours, then the consciousness does die out. His final call is scheduled. Now he must complete his wife-robot quickly and assuage his two existing whiny robots, and put up with Rhona Mitra yelling at him.

Why is Rhona Mitra yelling at George?  Will Rhona Mitra and the wife sex-bot get into a muddy catfight?  With Rhona Mitra right there, why bring a dead wife back? I, perhaps, am not taking this film seriously, and that is unfair.  Twists will unfold and many of you will have seen them coming. With George and his two existing bots trying to create another bot, "Archive" would be a great episode for Joel and the 'bots in a MST3K episode.  See "Archive," and enjoy Rhona Mitra as a grouchy dame. 

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