Monday, November 28, 2022

Nutcracker Massacre, A Bloody Holiday

Admit it.  You dread it.  Being pulled, against your will, to see (or watch) "A Christmas Carol" or "The Nutcracker."  Yet, you go without complaining.  You realize how evil you would sound if you raise an objection.  After all...every decent bloke just loves those two Christmas staples.  If you must endure this torture, treat yourself by taking in 2022's "Nutcracker Massacre," directed by Rebecca Matthews.  You will even see some poor sap's nuts get cracked by the evil Nutcracker. 

Clara (Beatrice Fletcher) is sad.  The nubile babe just dumped her worthless boyfriend Paul (Andy Dixon).  See, Paul cheated on Clara by having pre-marital sex with Bai (Chrissy Wunna).  Wait until you see could we blame him? Unfortunately, she will die horribly at the hands of the evil monster surprise here.  Sad as she is she accepts an invitation to do Christmas at her Aunt Marie's (Julie Stevens) place.  Marie is also a babe.  Also headed to Marie's is her daughter Mousey (May Kelly) and her hunk beau, James (Stephen Staley).  Oh yes...Mousey and Clara hate one another.  On her way to Marie's, Clara stops off at an old curiosity shop and buys Marie a gift...a nutcracker.  The creepy old proprietor, Dmitri (Patrick Bergin), has other intentions. guessed it.  Paul will find his way to Marie's to try to woo Clara back.  Uh oh...Marie has an evil looking six foot tall nutcracker next to the tree.  Whatever Dmitri sold Clara brings this behemoth ornament to life...and it is angry.  One by one, each kill gorier than the last, our characters meet their demises at the hands of the possessed nutcracker.  Poor Bai...she was such a babe...but she'll get it as she is fileted by an ice skate.  Some of the characters deserve it...but not all.  Why is the fiend murdering Clara's kin and friends?  We eventually find out and the backstory, relayed by Dmitri, is horrific.  Now Clara figures out what is going on, but also realizes, she needs the two-timing Paul to mount a counteroffensive.

Any chance of Bai returning from the dead, this is a horror film, and engaging in a catfight with the nubile Clara?  Does the evil and possessed nutcracker have plans for Clara?  Will Mousey and Paul face extra gory deaths?  If you must endure the aforementioned Christmas classics, treat yourself and consider "Nutcracker Massacre" as some needed therapy.  


  1. Nice one, I need a bitch on heat to crack my full nuts...